Chapter 22 Poetry and Prose.3

When the light came on, Youth B was lying slumped on the bed, staring at the ceiling with bare eyes.The slender woman has gone, but on the corner of the desk, next to the roses, there is still a light green printed handkerchief, lying there proudly, it seems to be the representative of the hostess, and it seems to be watching the young man. Sit down. The multi-colored smoke and the floating golden stars are still hanging in front of Young C's eyes, like oriental fireworks.He felt that the bedstead beneath him was still gradually rising; he also felt that his limp and limp limbs were still immersed in a so-called dizziness.At the same time, a half-conscious thought flitted across his sweet and intoxicated brain: how is it better than before?Recently, every time he had an affair with Gui, he couldn't help but have this feeling—to put it more appropriately, it was a questioning.He often asked himself this question half-consciously in his dizzy wonder.But what surprised him every time was that there was never a negative answer of no.He really couldn't find a reason to say that it was not as good as before; he had to admit that each experience was as delicious as the first, softening and intoxicating him in the same way.The difference is that there was some sense of fresh surprise and adventure at the first time, which added an inexplicable mysterious beauty.This had faded to almost nothing in the second degree, and now it is completely gone.Whenever he thought of this, he could not help feeling a little sad; he called this first "vibration of the soul," and the subsequent "feast of the flesh."

"Give me the vibration of the spirit one more time - if I can have that one more time, how good it is!" In this case, Youth C also said to Gui.Now he is already trying to find the so-called "spiritual tremor" from his cousin, but when he occasionally thinks of Gui's apology, he still thinks that if Gui can give him the "spiritual tremor" like the first time, or he It's not necessarily "overwhelming", and then let's look far away instead of near. Youth C's eyes fell on the rose at the corner of the desk; a wave of fear suddenly came to him.The buds of the roses seem to be my cousin's dimples; and the thorns on the flower stalks seem to be the ridicule of my cousin's smile.He quickly turned his face away, sighing secretly. "Am I behaving immorally?" he couldn't help asking himself.Most of his first thoughts at this time belonged to Gui. He felt that since he loved his cousin with all his heart, he should not have any contact with Gui; if he still accepted Gui, he was deceiving Gui. "I don't care about what happened in the past, but if I still get involved with her now, at least I have bullied her too much?" Young C confessed very sincerely.At this moment, not only did he not intend to hate Gui, but he felt pity for her; he scolded himself as a coward who had degenerated to the extreme, and he admitted that his attitude was double-deception.

He turned over as if giving up on himself, and turned his face to the wall.His heart looked like a piece of lead was pressing on him, and his eyes were a little red.He painfully admitted that a person like him really does not deserve to love his cousin, nor does he deserve to be loved by Gui.He realized how fragile he was, without the determination to do good, and without the courage to do evil.He intuited his inevitable failure in the future; he vaguely saw his cousin turning away coldly, and he saw Gui pointing at him with an angry face. The young man Bing jumped suddenly, his eyes widened, and there was no illusion left.He slowly wiped a few drops of cold sweat from his forehead with the back of his hand, and reflected calmly.He was stunned for a while, feeling empty and unfeeling, and then he picked up the thread of melancholy.From Gui's "angry halberd finger", he thought of Gui's recent affection and his own attitude towards Gui.He argued in his heart: "I loved her before, but now I don't love her. Is this a moral problem? If you say that you don't love her now, you shouldn't have anything to do with her anymore? That's right! But she herself has to suffer." What can I do? It is deceitful to say that I am thinking of others when I hug her? But she depends on this deception to be happy! If it can make people happy, it is a deception Shouldn’t it be a bad thing? What’s more, I didn’t intend to deceive her. It’s because she forced me to deceive!” So ​​Young C felt his eyes light up, and his heart relaxed a lot.He turned over, and suddenly the gorgeous bouquet of roses aroused his uneasiness again; a series of questions piled up in his mind like random arrows: "But isn't this cheating on my cousin? Shouldn't it make me feel uncomfortable?" Cousin is happy, too? Even if cheating is not a bad thing on Gui’s side, it’s at least not a good thing on Cousin’s side, right?” Then he felt that his cousin’s rights had been violated; it seemed that he had stolen something from her. Transferred to Gui.

He asked himself repeatedly, and answered himself; at first he thought that all his actions had harmed no one, but after thinking about it, he realized that this was really subjective self-mockery, and no one else would think so.After a while, he was bravely convinced that he was right, and that he didn't care what other people thought of him.He thought mechanically in a bewildered way, going around in a circle of positive and negative; until he could no longer think, only the two concepts of "positive" and "negative" flickered on his brain. Suddenly there was a soft sound of snapping fingers from the door; softly, but shaking people's hearts like an earthquake.Youth C quickly jumped up and opened the door.It was dark outside.Compared with the light in the room, the doorway looks like a bottomless pit.A tall, white figure stood upright in the center of the black hole, motionless.Youth C was stunned for a few seconds, then quietly took a step forward, pulling the white figure from the entrance of the black hole to the light.Every cell in his body was jumping with joy, but his tongue curled up and did not dare to move; he wondered if it was just a pleasant dream.

After silently facing each other for a while, he still struggled to say a word first: "Grandma Gui! At your command!" The answer was a quiet low sigh; but the tip of her long eyebrows was also faintly flushed. This is as fast and powerful as an electric current, passing through the whole body of young man C, from the brain to the tiniest nerve fibers in the brain, all swell and jump abruptly.He stretched out his left hand and wrapped it gently around her waist: he was timidly trying to make the soft and high breasts covered by a layer of veil close to his heart; his eyes dimmed by drunkenness I saw countless little gold stars floating out from between her eyebrows, nostrils, around her mouth, and even the hair on her neck like bubbles, flying all over the house.He saw the same foam bursting out of himself, also golden.Then he heard the curling orchestral strings and the pounding golden drum sounding from nowhere, filling the whole house.

"Dance of life! Dance of soul!" Intoxicated, he thought so.However, he did not forget to ask an important question: "I'm already disappointed during the day! Are you so stern?" "Do you complain?" "But now there is more emotion than resentment." He did not know how to express his gratitude, his pleasure, his excitement: he drank madly for sensual pleasures.Then, at the peak of the whirlwind of sensory stimulation, he suddenly fell into a bottomless pit... He woke up with a start, and the first thing he saw was a green handkerchief and roses squatting side by side at the corner of the desk.He stared blankly for a moment, then hissed in a low voice.He thought: "Even a good dream, it goes too hastily! The spiritual vibration that can't be obtained again can only be reproduced in the dream; but the dream also goes too hastily!"

The poetic taste and golden bubbles in the dream all dissipated, only the dark and heavy reality weighed on his heart.