Chapter 6 create.3

In this way, looking back on the past two years in an instant, Junshi lazily leaned on the bed rail, unable to catch up with those two sad words: "You destroyed yourself and my ideal! "The wonderful longing at the age of twenty is now becoming more and more blurred like a thick fog.Xianxian got up first, jumping around the room like a bird, humming some songs. The sunlight has receded to the back of the sofa.The gentle wind brought the noise of the city far away, indicating that it was at least nine o'clock at this time.Two cups of milk were quietly waiting on the square table, faintly emitting steam like a smile.The large mirror on the wardrobe door reflects the lively figure of the hostess energetically.The triple mirror on the dressing table seems to be jealous. It thinks that reflecting the snowy skin of the hostess should belong to its purview.

All the objects in the room, bathed in the morning air of May, stand in row after row full of vitality, waiting for the master's order.They also seem to be secretly wondering about Yan Qi, who is the exception of today's male host. The bed let out a low sigh, complaining that it had been in service for too long. However, Jun Shi, who had fallen into disillusionment, still looked at the ceiling in bewilderment, showing no sign of getting up. "Junshi, are you tired? What are you thinking?" Xianxian asked very gently; at this time she was already sitting in a sofa chair on the left and pulled a stocking onto her lap; the lower end of the woolen close-fitting long vest was slightly opened, rippling the hot aroma of meat.

Junshi shook his head with a wry smile, but did not answer. "Are you still chewing on what I just said? Did my sentence 'It was your own hands that destroyed your ideals' make you unhappy? Did my sentence 'You summoned the devil, but you cannot subdue him ', does it make you sad? I just said these two sentences casually, and I can't think of it, which makes you even more bored. Hey, silly boy, don't think about it! You are successful. I didn't go in the direction you opposed. I Isn’t the direction you’re going now the one you’re leading? Maybe I’m a step ahead of you, but we’re still going in the same direction.”

no answer. "I followed your instructions docilely. My thoughts and actions were all influenced by you. But you said I was influenced by other things. Of course I know you are referring to Miss Li. But, Junshi , why do you push all the achievements on others; you should be proud of your own leadership! You peeled off my optimistic thinking, you aroused my political enthusiasm, and I became who I am now, but You can see that something is wrong again. Ha, Junshi, silly boy, you have really played the trick of the Zodiac priest summoning ghosts. When the Zodiac priest burns amulets and recites mantras, he is afraid that the ghost will not come, and wait until the ghost really does come. , he was terrified of something, and complained in his heart that the ghost was too vicious and not his ideal ghost."

Xian Xian chuckled; although seeing Jun Shi frown, she seemed very angry, but she just giggled.She also pulled the length of the second stocking up her thigh, then walked to the bed, held Junshi's face in her arms, and said charmingly: "There is no need to mention those words again. Who knows what will come out tomorrow! Junshi, tomorrow—no, I should say the next hour, the next minute, the next moment, maybe you change your mind, maybe I Change your mind, maybe you and I have changed, maybe we are further apart, but maybe we are getting closer. Who knows! Yesterday was one thing, today is another thing, tomorrow is another time Things, what about the day after tomorrow? I haven’t dreamed about it yet; this is the glorious epidemic now. Only, Junshi, you still hold on to the ideals you had when you were twenty, thinking that it’s universally applicable, and that it will last forever Don’t be confused; Junshi, you are really a bit stupid. Well, don’t think about it anymore. The past, let it pass, and never look back; the future, let’s talk about it when it comes, don’t dream; Now, with our current understanding, do what we should do. Junshi, good boy, Xianxian wants to make out with you, let's play with you!"

Using emergency measures, Xianxian was on Junshi's body again.Her soft and strong body rubbed against his body, and laughter gurgled from her throat, scattered all over the room, it seemed that the pile of books sitting on the corner of the desk in front of the south window couldn't help a little heartbeat. But Junshi felt that there was reluctance in that laughter—a hidden pain, howling, sighing, and cursing.Isn't it?A pair of teardrops suddenly burst out from Xianxian's beautiful eyes, fell on the side of Junshi's nose, and dripped down warmly, into his mouth.Junshi's whole body shook like an electric shock, he hugged Xianxian's waist tightly, and buried his mouth in Xianxian's neck who had just turned sideways.He felt the strange taste of sweet, sour and spicy, and a mixed mood of love, hatred and pity, which was somewhat similar to the mood that only strict fathers felt when they saw the lost son turn around and throw himself at his feet.

However, this emotion only appeared for a moment, and then another feeling caught Junshi's heart: ——Is this why women are mysterious?Is this why a woman's soul is so fragile after all?Is this why women become sentimentalists?Is this why women cannot develop healthy thoughts and often go too far or fall short?Is this the so-called excitement, tension, hesitation and depression given by modern thought?Is this the confusion and contradiction of modern people?Is this the tiredness, palpitations, and dullness hidden under the hot and exciting modern life? So Junshi became more convinced that his thoughts were sound and correct, and Xianxian destroyed herself!In order to protect his ideals and love Xianxian, he must continue to struggle, struggle in Xianxian's heart, and fight for the final victory with those dangerous thoughts, those thoughts that in vain cause social turmoil and make individuals depressed.The spark of hope suddenly exploded in the cold ashes of disillusionment.Junshi felt courageous again, just like when he stood in front of his father's coffin ten years ago.

He instinctively squinted his eyes to look at Xianxian's face, and Xianxian was also secretly looking at him. "Hee hee hee!" Xian Xian laughed softly again.There was a faint blush on her cheeks, and the light and thin lines around her half-closed eyelids, the flattering and annoyed smile lines, were like enchanting talismans, and the heat of her sensuality almost softened Junshi.Oh, charming monster!A symbol of modernism!Even Junshi couldn't help but feel uncertain.But reason forced him to leave this coquettish temptation, and experience told him that this was Xianxian's habit of avoiding his nagging.It is impossible to fool him so easily.He pressed a kiss on that flushed tender cheek, and said calmly:

"Xianxian, your words are just like your thoughts and actions: you only know one thing and don't know the other. We encourage children to be lively, but we don't want them to crawl to the tip of adults' hair. Children play one thing, They don’t have any thoughts, and they don’t know what is enough. Xianxian, but your personality has become more childish recently. I guide you to pay attention to politics, but I don’t think you can get into real politics immediately. ——What's more, it's an unsound and illegal political movement. For example, everyone talks about "politics for the whole people" now, but why do they really want to turn politics to the whole people immediately? It's just to let everyone know that there is such a sentence. Seriousness is about to get up, that's nonsense. Xianxian, but you've been a bit close to that kind of nonsense lately. You don't know how naive you are, you don't know that you are in danger. I did it this morning A terrible dream—a dream about you..."

Junshi had to stop; Xianxian couldn't help laughing in a continuous low voice, which made him unable to continue, and he looked into Xianxian's eyes questioningly and somewhat displeased. "Where do you go on?" Xianxian suppressed a smile and said; but from the slight trembling of her breasts, it can be known that she is still laughing silently. "I need to know why you laugh first?" "It's nothing! About children—since you want to listen carefully, it's okay to talk about it. After listening to you, I even thought of ways to satisfy children's desires. Say 'good boy' to eight-year-old children , when you are ten years old, I will definitely buy that thing for you.’ But for a ten-year-old child, it is said that it must be eleven years old. It is always an appointment, and it is always next year. Until the child is older, no more , then nothing will happen. Junshi,——right?"

Junshi nodded unwillingly.He seemed to feel that there were thorns in Madam's words. "Your dream must be beautiful, but it must also be very long, as long as your life. Save it and talk about it in detail tonight. Look, it is already nine twenty on the clock. I I haven't washed my face yet. I have something to do at ten o'clock." Before Junshi could open his mouth, like a gust of wind, this lively young woman slid out of Junshi's embrace; her long vest was also rolled up, revealing a mysterious flesh red color, just sitting up with Junshi Huo Di We had a face-to-face meeting.Xianxian didn't even have time to straighten her clothes, so she drew away like a shadow.Junshi saw her run into the small door beside the dressing table, and slammed the door shut. Junshi abruptly walked to Xianxian's desk and sat down, flipping through the messy magazines.Xianxian's abrupt behavior made him very uncomfortable.He couldn't figure out what Xianxian had in mind.To say that she is desperate to carry out her current ideas doesn't seem like it, she still can't get rid of her old habits, she is still a luxurious and delicate young lady; it doesn't seem like it to say that she is happy with her so-called activities with peace of mind. , she often revealed the hesitation and anxiety in her heart in the moment after she moved. For example, she said very freely just now: "The past, let it pass; What we understand now is to do what we should do." However, when she laughed wildly, there was a dull pain, and she shed tears for no reason.He couldn't guess Xianxian's attitude towards him.Let’s say she is a little strange, she is still very affectionate and gentle with him; let’s say she is not unusual, at least she doesn’t want Junshi to ask her, and she is impatient to listen to Junshi’s criticism.She even didn't want to listen to Junshi's talk about her dream just now. —O heart of the mysterious woman!Junshi subconsciously thought so again. mystery?He thought it was right, women are mysterious, especially Xianxian: her composition is inherently complicated.So he carefully analyzed the current Xianxian, and then investigated the process of Xianxian's creation. Memories that had been dusty for a long time emerged one by one; scattered and discontinuous concepts condensed little by little; he finally had to admit that his so-called creation was just destruction.And the means of destruction he used took root in Xianxian's mind.He destroyed Xianxian's optimism and optimism, but materialism entered instead; he destroyed Xianxian's aura of political aversion to celebrities, but extreme political thoughts immediately entrenched and refused to come out; he destroyed Xianxian's shyness Demure habits, but sensual, habits that demand intense stimulation are formed at the same time.As for his own thoughts, it seems that he has never had any relationship with Xianxian's mind.Xianxian is indeed good at feeling external influences, but his own thoughts have no influence on Xianxian at all.In the past, he thought he had created a success, but he only lied to himself!He has failed since the beginning, and he has never had a moment of success.He also thought that the summer vacation period in Moganshan was the successful period for creating Xianxian, heck, it's just a dream!Years of his labor were in vain! He remembered the sentence Xianxian said just now, "Your own hands have destroyed your own ideals".He had to admit that this sentence was true.He felt that Miss Li was really wrong. He hated himself for being so confused!He thought he had a plan to realize his vision, but now he finds out that he actually has a plan to destroy his vision; he took great pains to think that he created it according to his ideal, but now he finds out that it was not the case at all thing! ——A society that is confused and contradictory can never produce such people. The words of his old classmate flashed in his mind.He hates this society!It was this chaotic and contradictory society that destroyed his ideals!Isn't it?In the atmosphere of confusion and contradictions, nothing can be done well.He is really desperate! The sound of Huo Lang Huo Lang's water came from behind the small door on the side of the dressing table, indicating that the beautiful and smart young woman was taking a bath there. Junshi subconsciously turned his face to look at the small door, and the sound of water temporarily interrupted his thoughts.Suddenly, a human head protruded from the large mirror on the closet door.When Junshi looked at the door in a hurry, she saw that the door was pushed open a crack, and Wang Ma's head was halfway out; she saw only Junshi sitting in the room blankly, knowing that it was not her now. when you come in. Suddenly a new ideal hits Junshi's heart. Why should he despair?Although it is said that a chaotic and contradictory society cannot produce a person with an upright and sound mind, doesn't he himself live in this society?Why did he come into being?It can be seen that the power of society over individuals is not absolute. Why should he lose his confidence!Although his painstaking efforts in the past two years have been in vain, but looking at it the other way around, isn't it because he has always only done sabotage work on Xianxian, but neglected to instill his thoughts in her, so Xianxian became the current Xianxian what?As long as he devotes himself to introducing what he thinks is a healthy thought from now on, can't he change Xianxian a second time and win her back?Certainly!In the past, in order to wipe away the stagnation of Xianxian's optimism, optimism, and celebrity style, he took the risk of using the extremely destructive rhubarb croton, which made Xianxian's current dizzy and chaotic look, and now he just uses gentle and healthy thoughts to support her. Her vitality.Hope!Life is full of hope everywhere!As long as we can recognize past mistakes, "hope" It's not a lie! Now Junshi's optimism is rarely seen in the past two weeks; moreover, this optimism also enables him to calmly examine his recent attitude towards Xianxian. Xian Xian's resentment; He also felt that it was not good for him to have radical and overly conservative thoughts recently, which made Xianxian think that her husband was seriously regressing day by day. Yes, he should go with her, and then criticize calmly and impartially; prompting Xianxian to reflect. The more he thought about it, the more confident he felt, Junshi looked at the small bathroom door from time to time; the new plan had been carefully planned, and as soon as Xianxian came out, the experiment could begin immediately.He was like a candidate waiting for a test paper, very anxious, but very encouraging. The door was gently pushed open again.Wang Ma slowly poked her head in, her dark eyes circled the room.Then, she walked in gently, hugged the ball of women's clothes on the sofa, and went away gently. Junshi is still continuing his interesting meditation.What Xianxian said just now was also awakened by him to re-evaluate the value.Two sentences that were ignored at the time, now jump out to call for attention: ——Isn’t the direction I’m going now the one you guided?Maybe I took a step first, but we are still in the same direction. Junshi deliberates on the phrase "go one step ahead".He thinks from this sentence, it seems that Xianxian admits that she has indeed been influenced by him, and following him is just out of his range now.He suddenly remembered who—probably Ms. Li—had said the same thing, as if he was Xianxian's guide, but now he felt tired and stopped halfway, and Xianxian who was being guided Xian stepped forward by herself.Is this really the case?The confident Junshi refused to admit it.He is absolutely confident that he is not a soft-backed person who gives up the middle way.He thought: If his thoughts can indeed be regarded as the way of persistence, it is only because he has gone to the extreme of the way, and he felt a little wrong, so he came back again; Influential, yet plausible, both by herself and her close friends.But his inference just now, on the contrary, he thinks that there is no such thing at all, on the contrary, he thinks that in the past, someone else's medicine of tiger and wolf was used to destroy the inherent Xianxian, but now he has to start from scratch. He was really fascinated: he felt that his inference was right, but there was no reason to overturn Xianxian's confession.Although the optimism he had just now was still supporting him, he was unavoidably a little hesitant.He encouraged himself and said: "This mystery must be solved first; otherwise, I will not be able to start my future work." However, his swollen mind that has been struggling for a long time can no longer give him some new smoking pilgrims. The door opened again.Wang Ma came in for the second time and looked around the room for a while with a strange look; then she walked to the dressing table and opened a small drawer.He took Xianxian's pair of yellow leather shoes and went out. Junshi subconsciously watched Wang Ma come in, and then watched her go out; his eyes fixed on the door for a while, and then he looked back.Hovering on Xianxian's desk.Finally, the little ivory rabbit caught Junshi's eyes.He picked up the rabbit casually, and discovered the secret of the word "husband" being scratched by a knife.But he was not surprised.He remembered that Xianxian had made a comment, thinking that the word "husband" was too full of the smell of traditional thinking. When mentioning "husband", it was always reminiscent of "husband" and other words, so it should be called "lover". "——unexpectedly, the two words here are also taboo!He couldn't help smiling, thinking Xianxian was too childish.So he remembered why Xianxian didn't come out yet.He felt that a lot of time had passed, and it seemed that he hadn't heard the sound of Huo Lang Huo Lang's water for a long time.He listened carefully, and sure enough, he didn't; It was very quiet.It seemed that Xianxian had already fallen asleep in the bathroom. When Junshi walked to the dressing table, he was even more sure that Xianxian must have fallen asleep in the bathtub.Just as he was about to turn the porcelain handle of the small door, the door suddenly opened by itself.A man came out with a large pile of towels and bathrobes. It's not Xianxian, but Wang Ma! "It's you!" Junshi exclaimed.But he immediately understood: the door from the bathroom to the outer room was also swinging open, and Xianxian went downstairs from here.She, madam - lover or not, escaped through the bathroom like a mob escaping a detective's tail!Only then did he understand the background of Wang Ma coming in twice to fetch Xianxian's clothes and leather shoes. He thinks that Xianxian is too good at joking with him! "Young Mistress has already washed up. Tell me to clean up the tub." Wang Ma looked at Junshi's unhappy face and explained. Junshi only felt the blood vessels in his ears throbbing.He didn't listen to Wang Ma's words.He remembered the ominous dream he had had in the morning.He could smell bad luck.His bubbling passion was suddenly cold; his dignity was wounded; and his faster-beating heart was ringing the alarm. "Young Mistress is downstairs!" Even Wang Ma could hear the unnatural tone of this question. "Going out. She asked me to tell the young master: She has taken a step first, please catch up with the young master. ——The young lady also said that if the young master does not catch up, she will not wait." "Oh--" It was a stagnant sound coming from Junshi's throat more than a minute later.The little ivory rabbit broke into his consciousness again, enlarged bit by bit, until it took human form, squinting red eyes haughtily at him.In a trance, he thought it was Xianxian.Finally, even the red eyes were gone, only the "husband"'s knife scratches on the white belly were shaking in front of him more clearly. February 23, 1928