Chapter 10 October 23

The malaria has probably been subdued by the quinine shot. Yesterday was uneventful. Now it is time for the usual outbreak, but there is no movement.The body is soft, the mouth is astringent and the tongue is greasy, but the state of flying through the clouds is gone. When the heat was at its peak that day, there were many illusions, which really made me suffer too much.What cannot be forgotten now is that many human faces suddenly turned into skulls: it seems to be in the wilderness, but it seems to be still in this small cage-like room, some human faces, known and unknown, come from like mice Drilled out from all directions, fluttering, and surrounded me, I was also squeezed by them, very stuffy, but I couldn't catch my breath; then, those human faces seemed to be satisfied, no longer pressing, but they all opened With a big mouth, it jumped up and down, jumping faster and faster, and finally it was invisible to human faces, and it was like a ball. At this moment, I returned to the original size, looking for a way among these "balls"; I tried my best to move Move your feet, push away those "balls" that are rolling up, -- Carrara, Carrara, the sound is strange, suddenly, I find that it is not a "ball" but a white skull with deep-set eye sockets Like a bottomless pit, all of them are going upwards... I kicked and moved bitterly, trying to make a way from the "sand" of the skull, Carrara, Carrara. ——Afterwards, my eyes were dazzled by the white reflection, and I tried my best to open them, only to see that I was still lying on my bed, with a big obese face hanging in front of me, a pair of pig eyes stare so wide. —Hey, it turned out to be the landlady!

Thinking about it now, I still have lingering fears.But at that time, I was not afraid, just hated, just angry. Now recalling the stunned look of the landlady at that time, I guess I must still be talking nonsense in a coma--and the voice must be very loud, otherwise, why is the landlady here? ……Really bad!I have no idea what I was talking about at that time! I remember that before my mother died, she was full of delirium for half a day; they were all words hidden in her heart, and they were all the most secret thoughts and desires. For example, (she said at the time,) once she prepared two bowls of poison and planned to One bowl for herself, one bowl for the demon fox (aunt),... This is just a patient's delirium, but my aunt seized on this talk to provoke my father's feelings for me, and it was finally unimaginable.

How necessary it was to let myself know what I was saying then! I asked the landlady.The fat pig refused to speak.But her sly smile already hinted to me that she had really listened to it, and there were probably some "unpleasant" words in my delirium,...obscenity,...sex madness,...someone used to say that Added to me, how can I complain that I have to cry out when I am sick?If it's just these, it doesn't matter, I'm afraid there are other things, like what my mother said—— Fortunately, those precious "comrades" have not come to see the sick, - according to the landlady's answer.

The malaria is getting better day by day, but my spiritual malaria has no hope of being cured.Or perhaps mental malaria causes physical malaria. But is there a quinine shot for the spirit?I have no idea. Looking at the diary last time, it was still the Double Tenth Day, and there was an interval of more than ten days, but it seems to be more than ten years.The seven or eight days before the onset of the malaria, now that I think about it, it was indeed the torment of the heavy mental malaria that made me not confident that I was still a human being. I believe I remember correctly: first, R asked me on the phone why the incident he ordered me had not been reported.Just by hearing the sound, I knew someone was talking bad about me next to R! ……dog!

Later it was G who claimed to have been ordered to "check the work".He actually showed his face, which is more aboveboard.He actually put on the face of "office business", which is really disgusting!Grind me into dust, I will always remember all the ugly things he did to me at the beginning... At that time, in order to avoid entanglement, I mentioned "business" with him, who turned his face and said, "Fuck! You promised me, it's a big business!"—but now he actually put on a "business" face.But despite his "business face", I can see through his heart, his evil heart is dead!His "business face" is for the "business" in his heart!He has lost his master's temper. Since he couldn't coax me softly before, now he wants me to hold back my tears and pretend to smile, and present myself... I can see through this dog's lungs and liver at a glance!

At that time, I clearly knew that all claims were useless, but what should I do if I didn't speak? While listening to me, he spit out letters like a poisonous snake with his eyes, planning to pick a vital point and bite me to death.He used this kind of question several times to explore my weakness: "So, according to your speculation, he may not be here?" But I never gave a positive answer, I just said: "I hope you can give me more materials. , can always be found.” When I finished my presentation and expressed for the last time that "the more materials there are, there will be no solution", he suddenly sneered and said, "Why are you pretending? You never did a good job at all!"

My complexion changed immediately.This is an unwarranted insult, even if I come to R, I still have to protest.However, he rudely forbade me to speak, and went on to say what he said: "At the beginning, you pushed three against four and refused to accept orders, and now you say that there are not enough materials, thanks to you being able to speak! What do you do? You have to get the materials yourself I found it! Hmph, you are quite experienced in other fields!" I couldn't bear it anymore, I've never suffered such a thing, not to mention that the person who played in front of me today was something worse than a dog, so I replied angrily: "Then, please reassign someone else, I can't do it." !"

"It's too late to change hands now." He smiled maliciously. "You said you couldn't find him, what else can you do by calling someone else? It's not difficult to do, but after you have made such a twists and turns, it becomes complicated." So he suddenly lowered his face and said in a full-fledged official voice: "The superiors will give ten There is a deadline of 10 days, how to answer, you can figure it out yourself." I was angry and stopped talking to him, just nodded.Why should I show weakness in front of him?There is no need to beg for mercy from him!But before he left, he suddenly smiled grimly and said:

"According to your opinion, he may not be here? Haha!" I don't answer. ——At that time, I really didn't recognize the flavor of this sentence. For twenty or thirty minutes after that, my mind seemed to have froze.The ability to analyze and judge suddenly disappeared, only some "memories" fluctuated repeatedly.I had long suspected that Xiao Zhao was his "friend" that K said that day, but after seeing K several times in succession, I purposely diverted the conversation to his "friend", hoping to gain some more "enlightenment." "; I used backlash and inducement, but K gritted his teeth and refused to say another word, he just looked at me and smiled.Once he seemed to be in a hurry, his eyes were fixed, showing a look of fear, I couldn't bear it in my heart, so I had to let go.

From these memories, I got a lot of question marks, but they didn't help me at all. Is K's "friend" really Xiao Zhao?Say it looks like it, say it doesn't look like it. Does he know that I am... and what about my past relationship with Xiao Zhao?There can also be two conjectures. Why did he never say it again?Why are you afraid? ... I don't understand, I don't understand!I'm so dazed!For heaven's sake, it's not that I haven't tried my best to find it! But G's several times—especially the last time, he asked tentatively "he may not be here", his expression and implication were a bit strange.Could it be that, as I guessed at first, their so-called "intelligence" is basically G's trick, the purpose is only to entrap me and force me to fall into his arms?If that's the case, hum, I'm not that easy to deal with!

Otherwise, G was taking advantage of my failure to find it, trying to spread the air as much as possible, saying that I was "slack in work", or even saying that I was nostalgic, and let him go in private.Hey, good, then I naturally have the last resort.But the worst thing is, I really haven't got any clues yet, I haven't even seen Xiao Zhao's trace! After thinking about G's words, I think my second guess is at least 80% reliable.I've gotten to this point, but I never thought that my "fate" would be linked to Xiaozhao again today, how can it be so vicious to play tricks on others!