Chapter 8 October 9

Last night was another sweet and sour dream, which turned me upside down all night. In the dream, I returned to the past life again, and many people who had faded from my memory appeared vividly one by one, but it was also strange that the two I met in the past few days (Shunying and Ping), but there is no dream; it shows that dreams are always dreams, and reality is always reality. I remember that I smiled happily in my dream.However, when I woke up, I clearly felt that my eyes were moist and itchy; I was stunned for a while, and touched my eyes with my fingers, but not two tears fell down.The feeling in my heart at that time - I can't explain it, I can only make a metaphor, like when I was only ten years old, my eldest sister came out of the cabinet, when my eldest sister got into the bridal sedan chair, all the guests dispersed, I watched alone The house was full of lights, watching the servants hastily tidy up the wine utensils and the tables and chairs, I was full of dissatisfaction and just wanted to find someone to quarrel with. When my aunt called me and took my hand, I burst into tears.

At that time they said that I was reluctant to let my elder sister "go to someone else's house", but I knew in my heart that it was not for this reason. I felt the same way when I woke up last night, and it wasn’t because of the group of old companions I saw in my dream—never!What good will it do me if I let them come to my memory from time to time?I wish I had lost my memory. I can't stand that sweet and sour mess with me all night! I don't want the dead "past" to tease me in my dreams again! But there is one difference: the random dream the night before yesterday was still a mixture of "past" and "now", but last night was all "past", and there was no one in the "now". Strange!

Is it because in the past few days I have accidentally met old partners from the "past" one after another, so that I have dreams at night?But in any case, whether it is sweet, sour or bitter, what is the point of reappearing in a dream after it has "passed away"? In vain to make people feel uncomfortable. After that dream last night, I couldn't sleep again.There is a hazy paleness on the paper window. I don't know if it is the dawn or the moonlight?The electric wire was damaged by the last bombing, and it has not been repaired. Half a candle was taken away by a mouse. When was that, but it was a little consolation.

Fortunately, the third wife of the officer in the same courtyard came home from a routine night tour, her high-heeled leather shoes hit the stone slabs, and the ground was so crisp! ... I seem to have "night eyes" and "perspective skills". I saw this third lady gracefully walking up the ten-odd stone steps, and the hem of the georgette cheongsam fluttered gently.So I thought about that day when Shunying suddenly said that she would give me a piece of clothing...and I also thought that my leather shoes were too old.And—from the sound of the third lady's leather shoes, I heard that it was about three o'clock; because she came back at this time as usual.Then I fell asleep again.Suddenly there was a sound from Pia in the distance, which woke me up, followed by two more.Oh, where did the gunshots come from?Then the faces of the two men who had been secretly executed three days before came before my eyes.For some reason, I feel a little palpitated when I hear gunshots recently, and I can't bear the smell of blood.

Do you really have neurasthenia?Why am I not what I used to be? same night It's so easy to steal overnight, I should thank F for telling me a lie. F's attitude towards me made me uneasy.Because he was too sincere and too shy. For an "unlucky" person like me, F and if he really cares so much, it will never be of any benefit to him.I already have a hunch! He tried several times to find an opportunity to tell me faithfully what he had made an appointment to tell me a few days ago; but I always avoided it with excuses.I don’t know what he thinks about it, but on my side, my “dodging with excuses” is really not because I’m not interested in their tricks that he sees as detrimental to me, and it’s not because I don’t trust his good intentions. , (how could I be so ignorant!) I - just because I dare not get too close to him.Getting too close to him won't do him any good!

If he hates me and scolds me for it—that's all right, though I'm so wronged. If he also realizes this kind of heart, it will be bad, he will never stop here, he must get deeper and deeper,-he still has the innocence of a child, he is infatuated! As for me, I have already passed the period of infatuation!