Chapter 6 Merry big paging.1

The morning light is bright, and the singing of Yingying is melodious. In the environment of small bridges and flowing water, where green, fat, red and thin, a middle-aged man walked slowly.Confucian uniforms are simple and elegant like scholars, tall and strong like wrestlers, and relaxed like wild cranes.Holding the second volume of "The Complete Poetry of the Tang Dynasty" thread-bound on his back, he came to the bridge on the road and chanted: "Far away, the stone path of the cold mountain is slanted, and there are people in the depths of the white clouds..." He was more confident than Xia Qing, and his voice was more beautiful than Fang Ming.

Suddenly, "beep, beep..." The BP machine sounded, and the man's waist long shirt vibrated accordingly. The man patted his waist with a book and said in a low voice: "Troublemaking"; he raised his head and chanted again: "Far away, the stone path of the cold mountain is slanted, and there are people in the depths of the white clouds..." The BP machine beeps again.The man was irritable, unable to recite it, and said angrily: "Only the BP machine and the villain are difficult to raise!" Sing it again: "The stone path is slanted in the cold mountain far away, there are people deep in the white clouds, deep in the white clouds..." The BP machine rang again.The man let out a long sigh: "Oh, since I won the prize in the last essay contest and got such a BP machine, my old Kong has never had a safe life! Even if I ran to the depths of the white clouds, I couldn't escape the coverage of this thing."While lifting up the gown, he took out the BP machine and read the Chinese characters on it:

"Call Mrs. Nanzi back quickly!" Phone booth, antique.Someone in the distance is practicing Peking Opera with a small voice. The man stepped on the stone bench with one leg, picked up the phone with one hand, and stuck a book into the back of his neck with the other to scratch it. "Hello, Mrs. Nanzi? I'm Xiao Kong, Kong Qiu." Mrs. Nanzi was soaking in the bathtub, surrounded by four maids.Nanzi seductively held the phone and said: "Damn Xiao Kong, I've been calling you all morning. People's central paging station will never make mistakes. I thought you were doing some stupid knowledge again, and you didn't want to talk to me!"

Confucius said: "Where is there! I was reciting poems just now, and when I recited the poems far away, the stone path on the cold mountain was slanted, and there were people in the depths of the white clouds, so I couldn't recite any more." Nanzi smiled coquettishly, and said, "You are so stupid! Isn't the next thing to do is to stop the car first and then have sex?" Confucius: "Oh, yes, yes, stop and sit and love Fenglin late, Fenglin is late, madam is really smart, madam is more popular than February flowers!" Nanzi: "Thank you, Xiao Kong, you are still studying your monarchs, ministers, fathers and sons? How boring! You can't write two books or something, which is famous and profitable, and the majority of women love it. You Those poems that I wrote to me a few years ago are also good, what a lady, a gentleman is so good. If I hadn’t married our king, a dead ghost, I might have been moved by you."

Confucius: "My wife doesn't know something. Writing novels and poems is not an academic achievement, and I can't be judged for professional titles. I have recently sorted out the research of these years and plan to publish a book. If this book comes out, it will definitely have a place in the international academic circle. It will surpass Plato and Sakyamuni. But those villains in the publishing bureau refused to grant me an ISBN, saying that I was self-taught, did not have a Ph. There is a problem with my academic inclinations. It is really tolerable or unbearable. I wonder if my wife can help Kong Mou."

Nanzi: "I have an idea. I'm afraid that you are too noble and don't want to join me." He picked up a handful of water and let the water flow from his palm. Confucius jumped onto the stone table and said, "Ma'am, what's your opinion, but it's okay to say it. Don't you know me? I've never been a stubborn conservative." Nanzi: "I love to hear that! That's why I call you. Listen, Xiao Kong, if you help me with something, I'll help you publish that book."The maid served Nanzi out of the bath. Confucius: "I would like to serve my wife."

Nanzi: "It's such a thing. Our king has been fascinated by a dancing vixen these days, and he has forgotten the epic romance between me and him. I have been thinking hard for three days and three nights. Only this trick can rekindle the love of this dead ghost for me. I just ask you, Confucius—the most famous writer in the world and the number one scholar in the academic world—to write me a long documentary literature, such as "Walk" Mrs. Nanzi on the Altar". Write about my love for the king, write about my versatility and natural beauty, and add a set of bikini photos... Xiao Kong, you say that our king, no, all men, can Can you bear this stimulation?" He lit a cigarette and held it in the corner of his mouth.

Confucius said: "Of course I can't bear it, what about mine?" Nanzi: "That's easy. Put yours as an appendix and put it at the back of the book. This saves you from having to ask for an ISBN. Moreover, I can increase the number of orders for this book through the Women's Federation. In this way, your Doesn't the readership also expand?" Confucius: "I'm afraid this is inappropriate. My bijing is an academic work, how can it be like a bikini..." jumped off the stone case. Nanzi: "Xiao Kong, you are so stupid! A man named Laozi wrote a book, didn't he also start a series of documentary books called "Immortal Women", and then publish it as the last one? Let's talk Putting your book with me, isn't it also a credit to you? I haven't asked you for advertising fees yet! If this book comes out, it will be considered a relationship between us, isn't it? Xiao Kong, think about it, After passing this village, there is no such store. If I fall out of favor, don’t say that I can’t help you any more in the future, and even call me off the phone. Even if you have a big brother, don’t even think about listening It's my voice..."

Confucius: "Madam, let me think about it, but haste makes waste." Nanzi: "What else are you thinking about? You will come to interview in the afternoon, all the materials will be prepared for you, and I will be waiting for you, Kong." After finishing speaking, he kissed the phone. Confucius was startled, and the book in his hand fell to the ground. In Confucius's study room, bamboo knives, pens and inks are miscellaneous, neither fish nor fowl. A white hair was carefully pulled out.Confucius is repairing his appearance.Zeng Xi was blowing the air for him, Ran You pulled up a corner of Confucius' gown and pressed it on the table to iron it, Gong Xihua used a big brush to polish Confucius' leather shoes.Confucius himself used an electric razor to carefully plow his face, while other disciples were scattered indoors and outside the door.Zilu was furious, and when he heard the door, he shouted, "Who made Yao? Who made the rumor? Said the teacher is going to have a tryst with Nanzi!" Confucius said calmly, "What are you shouting about, Zilu, I'm going to see you Nanzi." Continue to close your eyes and shave.

Zilu: "What? Is it true? Teacher, you can't go, who doesn't know that Nanzi is a vixen who has caused disasters to the country and the people. There are some villains who made rumors about you and her, of course the disciples don't believe it. How can you talk to such a vixen? If a woman is not innocent, then the disciples will become lustful in the future!" "Presumptuous!" Confucius opened his eyes, "What do you know! Gentlemen are not different in nature, and good at fake things. That Nanzi is licentious and shameless, teacher, I don't know? But mine can't be published, who can do it? Nanzi The son is not a tiger, and if he sees her, can he still eat me? Maybe I can persuade her to change her ways. As long as it is published and my title problem is solved, our Confucianism can be carried forward. The future history is not written by us? It is not up to us to decide who wears the peach-colored hat? How will future generations know what happened to me, Kong Qiu? This is called word is power, boys , learn more!"

Confucius got up: "Ceng Xi and Ran You come with me, and bring two bottles of Confucian house wine. Zilu takes good care of the house, call me if you need something, don't be careless all day long." Confucius met Nanzi.A group of screen montages, with humorous music outside the screen. The maid led Confucius' master and apprentice into the inner room.Confucius saluted, and Zeng Xi presented the wine from the Confucius family.Nanzi retreated to the left and right, Zeng Xi and Ran You also retreated.Nanzi flirts with Confucius, and Confucius' heart flutters and he tries to calm himself down.Zeng Xi and Ran You were peeping and laughing in the tent, while the maid was snickering at Zeng and Ran.Nanzi told his own history, and Confucius recorded it with his pen.Nanzi was wearing a bikini, while Ran You was taking pictures, Confucius and Zeng Xi were drooling.Zeng Xi was intoxicated, and Confucius wrote a note to Zeng, saying: "Don't look at anything wrong with etiquette", and Confucius was also intoxicated. In Confucius' study room, all the disciples wrote separately.Each of them wore a walkie-talkie, and Confucius sat in front and commanded by the walkie-talkie. Confucius: "How is the third chapter going?" Gong Xihua: "It's coming to an end, I promise to hand in the manuscript tonight." Confucius: "Well, besides Yan Hui, you are the fastest." Fan Chi: "Teacher, I want to write a memory of Nanzi helping her father grow vegetables when she was a child in this fifth chapter. Do you like it?" "Nonsense. How can a beauty like Nanzi do such a dirty and smelly job? You worthless Fan Chi, you know how to grow vegetables. Can't you write about Nanzi growing flowers?" "Tell the teacher that Jai Yu fell asleep, and he has only written half of the eighth chapter." "This Zaiyu is really rotten wood that cannot be carved, and a wall of dung that cannot be stained. He does not have a share of the manuscript fee for this book. Let Yan Hui finish the eighth chapter for him." Yan Hui: "Teacher, isn't Nanzi's measurement data too exaggerated here? You should go to the field to check again." Confucius: "This is not learning, artistic exaggeration is necessary." Street vendors hawk: "Please read the latest masterpiece of Confucius - "Mrs. Nanzi Going to the Altar"!" "Come and see, come and see, Mrs. Nanzi is loyal to the king, and the sea will never change." "Come and see, come and see, Mrs. Nanzi's latest jade photo is naked." There are a lot of advertising slogans in the streets and alleys, and the citizens are rushing to buy "Mrs. Nanzi Going to the Altar". Stacks of books were placed on the bookstall and placed in front of Mrs. Nanzi.Nanzi beamed and looked at his jade photos.Stacks of books were put on the bookstall and placed in front of Confucius.Confucius smiled wryly, turned to the back, and read the appendix. Confucius said: "Isn't it a pleasure to learn and practice it from time to time? Hey, why is such a simple word misprinted! Is this sentence of yours also misprinted?" The students below were holding books, but they were all looking at Nanzi's photo. Confucius said to himself: "In any case, it has finally come out. I believe that future generations will understand that this appendix is ​​the real text." He said to everyone: "Let's have a dinner tonight, and each person will contribute 5% of the manuscript fee, and we will eat hot-boiled mutton." The students chattered in unison: "Teacher, when you get the title, you have to ask everyone to rub it again." "Today's meal should also be invited by the teacher." "Teacher, please find us some more jobs like this. Stop talking about stereotyped essays. The education system needs to be reformed!" "I want to learn photography, why do I always let that kid Ran You dominate the camera." Suddenly, there was a burst of eating and drinking outside the study: "Does Confucius live here?" Break into several officials and soldiers. Confucius stepped forward: "I am Confucius, what do you guys have to teach me?" "Did you write Mrs. Nanzi Going to the Altar?" "I wrote it." "Don't you know that the king loves Mrs. Nanzi the most?" "Have heard about it". "Your Majesty read this book and was so angry that he suffered from coronary heart disease! How dare you describe our Majesty's favorite Mrs. Nanzi so presumptuously? There are also those unsightly photos that make the eyes of ordinary people see Mrs. Nanzi as noble. The flesh is dirty. Your Majesty has announced that this book is pornographic and reactionary. Regardless of whether it is sold or not, it will be confiscated and burned immediately. For you, in addition to confiscating all illegal gains, you will also have to pay a hundred bottle holes. House wine as a fine. You write another self-criticism, no less than 2,000 words, and read it in public at the farmer’s market tomorrow morning..." Flames blazing. In the light of the fire, Confucius was reading the review, and in the light of the fire, Yiye and Nanzi's jade photo were burnt and turned over.In the firelight, Nanzi got out of the bath and snuggled into the arms of the king, who still kept the torn-out photo from the book. Nanzi said softly: "The king has finally changed his mind." Your Majesty: "Isn't it your conspiracy?" Nanzi: "It was Confucius who did me a little favor." Dawang: "This Kong Er Er is really disgusting. If it weren't for your face, I would have killed him, and even made a plan for my little one. Hmph, this time I see that he dares to write indiscriminately again." Nanzi: "Your Majesty, Kong Qiu is a bit talented. He can't even publish a book. It's pitiful. Or, you can transfer him to the palace and serve as your secretary, or take care of publicity or something." of it". King: "No way, little fool. If a person like Kong Qiu is allowed to have some power, he will probably be ten times worse than me. You have to let him suffer, suffer, and be useless for the rest of his life, so that maybe he can do something for the world. Good thing. Burn him a book, and he won't despair. Don't believe me, just wait and see." Grass and trees in the setting sun, ordinary alleys. A middle-aged man walked up, holding a book on his back, and chanted: "Far away, the stone path of the cold mountain is slanted, and there are people in the depths of the white clouds..." Suddenly, the BP machine sounded, and the long gown around the man's waist vibrated accordingly. The man lifted up his gown, took out the BP machine, and read the Chinese characters on it: "Far away on the cold mountain, the stone path is slanting, there are people in the depths of the white clouds, parking and sitting in the maple forest at night, and the frost leaves are red in February flowers." High sky and flowing clouds, long echoes.