Chapter 14 a friend on the way

On New Year's Eve, I received another New Year's card from Li Jun.The New Year's card was sent from a small remote county in northern Shaanxi. It was painted with outdated patterns of animals and flowers. The corners had been wrinkled and torn on the postal route, and there were some inexplicable grayish-yellow stains on it.This kind of New Year's card is sent from Lijun every year, and the address on the postmark changes every year. Beijing, Kunming, Haikou, Yili, and Harbin are now Ansai, an unheard of traveler with few footprints. County, it shows that my good friend Li Jun is still on the way,

on the way. ——This is the way of life that Li Jun established for himself several years ago.I noticed that the style of the motto on the New Year's card has changed slightly from last year.change direction!There is only one short and loud phrase, which is thought-provoking but tasteless.I thought of the adage Li Jun gave me last year—humans think, God laughs—and it also made me feel the brilliance of an extraordinary philosophy at that time.Later, I wrote this motto on a New Year’s card to pass it on to other classmates, and then I found out that the sentence came from a well-known Eastern European writer in exile, that person’s name is Kundera.I checked the Chinese dictionary on the table, and there was no entry for change direction in the dictionary.I don't know if this is an inadvertent omission or due to the ignorance of the editor.I also don't know what admonitional meaning is contained in the phrase (it seems to be a physics term?) that Li Jun bestowed on me.But I know that as Li Jun's friend, I will be nourished by his special friendship.What is a change of direction?Whatever it is, in the words of some other friends, you don't have to be so serious about Li Jun, just like you don't have to find out what he did in Ansai County in northern Shaanxi.Lijun has friends in almost every corner of China, and I am just one of them.Recalling the initial contact with Li Jun still makes me feel emotional.At that time, we were classmates in a university in the north, but we rarely saw him, but we often saw him standing up suddenly in philosophy or political economics classes, and asking some profound questions to the teachers.His voice has a distinct Jiangsu-Zhejiang accent, high-pitched and full of passion. Every time at this time, the girls in the front row turn their heads and look at him with adoring eyes full of tenderness.Li Jun's hair is messy and fluffy. Li Jun's unsmiling demeanor and sharp eloquence remind people of the youth of such celebrities as Kant and Sartre.

Li Jun often buys books, so he often borrows money from others, and he is often unable to repay the borrowed money.Therefore, Li Jun's image in the university is mixed. Those who can't collect debts call him a liar, but those who don't have this kind of experience still worship Li Jun. Finally, I was borrowed 20 yuan by Li Jun once. Money, he said that there is only one copy of "Existence and Nothingness" in the bookstore, and it will be bought by others later, so I think there is no reason to refuse.But the warnings of those who had learned from the past were indeed confirmed. I was extremely short on money, but I couldn't ask Li Jun for the twenty yuan.What made me even more angry was that once I discovered that Li Jun was actually drinking alone in a small restaurant outside the campus.

That day I sat angrily across from Li Jun, watching him sip Erguotou baijiu with his eyes slightly closed.The book "Existence and Nothingness" was placed between the wine bottle and fried peanuts. When I reached out to grab the book, I heard Li Jun sneer contemptuously.Take it if you want.He said, but if you can't read it, the worldly people can't appreciate the true meaning of it, and you will get nothing. But you have to give me back the money.I put the book back, annoyed at why I always looked weak and trivial in front of Li Jun. Don't talk about money with me, this word disgusts me the most.Li Jun frowned and said, he pushed the wine bottle to my side, I'll buy you a drink, he said, don't think about money, don't think about the school and school rules inside the wall, drink as much as you want when you want to drink , so that your heart will be full.The strange thing is that I was tamed just like that. I drank white wine for the first time, and in the trance I heard Li Jun say to me, break through the wall and go outside, to see the real world, to find your self.I was baptized by Li Jun like a pious believer, and thus became Li Jun's most loyal friend.

on the way.on the way. This slogan put forward by Li Jun many years ago became very popular in the university and aroused the youthful passion of many people.On the eve of the graduation assignment, it was this passion that drove many of my classmates to sign up to work in remote Xinjiang, Qinghai or Tibet.Lijun chose Tibet. At the graduation ceremony, Lijun's speech shocked everyone again. He said, don't praise me, don't praise me, I am not following the call of the motherland, this is my own need, what I need is on the road ,on the way-- on the way. The graduation ceremony resounded like a tidal wave.The frenzied reverberation is still fresh in my memory.A few years later, I read a book written by an American writer in the 1960s. The title of the book is just that.I suspect that Li Jun's slogan at that time originated from this novel, but it is meaningless to do this kind of research. Li Jun is already on the way, and those classmates and alumni who followed Li Jun are already on the way.

When Li Jun first arrived in Tibet, he often wrote letters to me. In the envelope, he also sent photos of him in front of the Potala Palace, the cattle team or the Jokhang Temple.In the photo, Li Jun looked tired, but his eyes were shining with the same dreamlike passion as before.In one of the photos, there is a girl with short hair and round face. She seems to have been photographed by accident. She is squatting in the lower left corner of the photo, looking sideways at Li Jun who is riding a yak. ​​I think her expression is slightly A hint of sarcasm. That girl is Li Jun's first love.This is what Li Jun told me later in his letter, and Li Jun also used implicit language to reveal that the relationship between them had already taken place.Li Jun said that they might become like-minded partners like Max and Yanni.In the end, of course Li Jun never forgot to urge me to join him in Tibet at the end of the letter.Look at your philistine city, and don't miss it.Li Jun wrote in the letter, come to my Tibet, come to my Tibet to breathe the pure and fresh air.I was once moved by Li Jun's words, and I wanted to pack my bags and leave the boring school, but there were always various reasons that prevented me from waving westward before I left. I know that the main reason is my indecision and Thinking forward and backward, this is precisely the essential difference between me and Lijun.Therefore, I can only live my days in this bustling and noisy southern city, but Li Jun is flying like a free bird in the vast and high sky.

On a snowy early winter night, someone knocked on the door of my bachelor dormitory.It was a strange girl in a men's military overcoat. Her round face and short black hair seemed familiar, but she couldn't remember who it was.The girl took off her woolen hat and shook her hair. She said, I'm from Li Jun, and I'm Xiaomi.I immediately remembered that the girl in front of me was Li Jun's lover.I am traveling in the south, so of course I will join you when I come here.Xiaomi looked me up and down, and then smiled, you are Li Jun's friend, and of course you can be regarded as my friend.The girl who visited in the middle of the night brought a cold air from outside. When I was worrying about how to receive this unexpected guest, Xiaomi had kicked off her mud-spattered leather boots and sat on my bed. In a slightly resentful tone, why does it snow in the south?I'm cold and hungry, can you get me something to eat?I found two packs of instant noodles. At the same time, Xiaomi let out a strange cry from behind. It was instant noodles again. She stared at my hand in horror.Then she curled her lips and said in dissatisfaction, you southerners are just stingy, how can you compare with us Tibetans?No matter what kind of guests come to Tibet, they must bring out the best things to entertain them.I was so ashamed by Xiaomi's words that I hurried to borrow eggs from my neighbor's house.Then I stood by and watched the hungry girl gobble down the half-boiled egg.The girl often mentioned Li Jun’s recent situation in the conversation, saying that he was studying Tibetan religion, but she said more about a person named Lao Gang. I don’t know who Lao Gang is, according to the girl’s mention of this name Analyzing Shi's reverent expression, Lao Gang is her idol and a philosopher lacking in our age.At about one o'clock in the morning, the talkative girl finally yawned, and I hugged a quilt and prepared to go to the student dormitory for the night.The girl said in amazement, where are you going?I say.Find a place to sleep.The girl pointed to the ground, you can sleep on the floor, which is what we do in Tibet.I shook my head, and went to open the door in embarrassment. At this time, the girl sneered from behind, and she said, you are so feudal, you should let Lao Gang come to teach you.

I pretended not to understand Xiaomi's words, but in my heart I was ashamed of myself for being rigid and petty.In the early morning after the snow, Xiaomi jumped on the southbound train, and I never saw her again.But the Tibetan friends introduced by Li Jun began to flock to me like a flood.Sometimes alone, sometimes in groups of three or four.Throughout the winter, I received at least a dozen of Lijun’s friends. They were either Lijun’s new friends in Lhasa, or strangers who met Lijun during his travels. Each of them brought a note written by Lijun himself. .It was a disastrous season for me, and I had to entertain them with good wine and good food and my own bed, but I was always in poverty, so I had to borrow money everywhere, and the money I borrowed was sometimes stolen by visitors. Borrowed, and I know it's an open question whether they'll return it, but I think their cause is bigger than mine and needs the money more than I do.The man named Lao Gang came to the door on a colder winter night.He is tall and strong, with gray and black beards all over his face, but his voice is flexible and elastic. He sits cross-legged on my bed like a northern farmer, and his tattered nylon socks emit an unpleasant smell.Compared with Heidegger, Sartre is superficial, and only a fledgling like Li Jun would be superstitious about Sartre.Lao Gang kept rolling up Mohe cigarettes with paper strips. His expression was serene and confident. I remember that he suddenly jumped off the ground while speaking, walked to the dormitory window and shook the iron bars with both hands. He said, Why nail these iron bars?You look at yourself like a prisoner in a cage!I explained that all the windows in the dormitory are like this, and Lao Gang suddenly yelled, no, smash it, smash it and you will be free.The sudden flash of white light in Lao Gang's eyes left me in awe and bewilderment.Lao Gang came and went in a hurry. Before leaving, he explicitly asked me to donate to their publication called "Plateau Thought". I told him that I was penniless and had to ask students for food tickets.Lao Gang smiled and grabbed my left hand. He pointed to the watch on my wrist and said, "You still have a watch. Many of our friends are already selling blood for "Plateau Thought".When I was hesitating while touching the watch, Lao Gang said again, don't miss the things outside of you, you should know that thinking is more important than the watch.I finally couldn't resist, the watch that my father gave me was later sold somewhere by Lao Gangdian.My reputation in the academy has gradually become very bad, the tragedy of Li Jun's past has happened to me again, and I owe a lot of debt.I avoided those who had lent me money, and others avoided me like the plague lest I should ask for it.During that time I was depressed and depressed.I knew that Lijun had covered me with a magic net from thousands of miles away, and I had to escape from this magic net.The reason for my job transfer was due to Li Jun. It seems absurd to say it, but in fact it is true.By the fall, I had gone to another college to teach, and my life became peaceful and happy, mainly because I was also in love.Sometimes I told my girlfriend Xiao Wei about the bad luck that Lijun brought me, and Xiao Wei was indignant about it. She said, what kind of good friend?It's better not to have such a friend. When he comes here by himself, how can I teach him a lesson?

But Li Jun himself did not come to this city in the end. I think it was because I deliberately concealed the job transfer, or my reply was filled with a lot of complaints and complaints, which made Li Jun feel uneasy.Autumn has passed in a hurry, and winter is coming.Unexpectedly, as soon as winter came, Lijun's letter also arrived.I don’t know how Lijun got to know my new mailing address. In this long letter, Lijun told me that his life has also undergone tremendous changes. He and Xiaomi have grown tired of each other and parted ways. This news is in my As expected.What surprised me was that Li Jun said that he had lost his sense of Tibet, and that he would leave Tibet soon to investigate the culture of the Yellow River Basin on foot.Finally, Li Jun told me with great interest that a poet friend of his would be visiting on New Year's Eve. He thought it would be beneficial for me to talk with that poet friend. Candidates for the Bell Prize in Literature.Li Jun's friend is coming again.I can't get rid of this anxiety and panic.I felt like I was facing a big enemy. On the eve of New Year's Eve, I hurried to her grandmother's house with Xiao Wei to live for a few days. Later, when I returned to the college dormitory, I saw cigarette butts of different lengths lying on the cement floor at the door. I imagined that poet standing in front of my door for a long time. The scene of waiting, I can't tell what kind of feeling I feel in my heart.Later, I picked up some shredded pieces of paper in the pile of cigarette butts, which seemed to be new improvised works created by the poet, but unfortunately I couldn't put them together. Only the words on one piece of paper were familiar to me, and I couldn't help shouting. read out:

on the road on the road There are various legends about the reasons why Li Jun left Tibet.Several of my college classmates came back from Tibet and said that after losing Xiaomi, Li Jun spent all his time drinking away his sorrows. One day after he woke up from the wine, he heard a desolate and simple folk song from northern Shaanxi on the radio, and Li Jun was deeply moved. It was this northern Shaanxi folk song that made Li Jun temporarily forget the pain of broken love, and it was this northern Shaanxi folk song that made Li Jun finally embark on the long journey of wandering in China.They told me that Xiaomi was a flirtatious girl. She abandoned Lijun and threw herself into the arms of Lao Gang. Half a year later, she was abandoned by the knowledgeable and thoughtful Lao Gang. Finally, Xiaomi went south to Guangdong and bid farewell to her previous life. It is said that Xiaomi was in a seaside Cities have an unspeakable profession.

I think of those distant friends, floating in every direction like floating islands, they are getting farther and farther away from me.Whenever I receive postcards from Lijun during his travels in China, I see the beautiful natural scenery in the southeast, northwest, place names on the ever-changing blurred or clear postmarks, and Lijun’s passionate maxims as always. As a gift, I always have a feeling that something is missing.I think youth is a cluster of rose flowers, some are in full bloom, while others are withering and withering.In the fifth year after graduating from university, Xiaowei and I got married and started a family.The wedding day coincided with another snowy winter night.My newlywed wife and I were listening to Chopin's piano music around the fire. Someone knocked on the door of the hut, and Xiao Wei ran to open the door.Outside the door was a strange young man in an old military overcoat. His hair, eyebrows and backpack on his shoulders were covered with a layer of white snowflakes. He looked younger than us.Who are you looking for?Xiao Wei only opened the door halfway, and she looked at the unexpected visitor with a vigilant look.I am Lijun's friend.The young man outside the door took out a letter from his coat pocket. He said, I am from Daxing'an Mountains, and Li Jun asked me to visit you.Xiao Wei didn't go to pick up the letter, her hand was still firmly controlling the door of the hut.Then I heard her say coldly, we don't know Li Jun, you probably came to the wrong door.After Xiao Wei finished speaking, he made a movement to close the door. I saw the surprised and disappointed expression on the young man's face from behind. He took a step back, and then Xiao Wei closed the door decisively.I didn't expect Xiao Wei to do this.Xiao Wei leaned against the door and said silently for a while, that's all. In such a small room, at such a late hour, in such a cold and snowy day, I don't want to receive such inexplicable guests.She looked up at my face and said, he's got mud on his legs and he's going to stain the carpet. I don't think she should have done this to my friend, or my friend's friend.But I didn't say anything.I know that wives naturally have wives' thoughts on these matters.