Chapter 15 still longing for the ocean

The next day, Julian deliberately went out at 7:30, so that no matter whether Min came or not, he would not be found.He didn't have class until ten o'clock, so he went to the office, and each professor had a room.In the corridor, Julian was stopped by two Western women.I introduced myself as a newly hired temporary teacher in the English Department, one from the United States and one from the United Kingdom, both of whom have husbands who are doing business in Qingdao and travel between Qingdao and their own country.They can't stay at home and come to work as language teachers, claiming to pass the time.

Julian was very happy, because of his personal relationship with Min, he had almost no other friends, mainly because he was afraid of getting in the way.He is sociable by nature, in Europe, even if he is with his girlfriend, he always has a lot of friends wherever he goes. In the face of young women, youth itself is beautiful, beautiful or not is second, and the two of them can't say that they are not charming.The excitement of chasing new women came back to him, making him kind and gentle, personable again, and talking and laughing.The two women liked to joke, and when they met, Julian asked them to invite them separately, they said with a smile.And that was exactly what he wanted.

After the morning classes, Julian had lunch with the English woman and dinner with the American woman in the evening.Both women are practically single and free.The language is familiar, the flirting is just right, it is clear at a glance whether you understand it or pretend you don't understand it, and it hits the nail on the head. The American woman was more interested in politics, or at least pretended to be.Dinner is at Huishoudi Restaurant in Wandong District, where you can see the star-like lights of the bay and the bustling world of the old concession. She asked, "Is there an underground Communist Party organization in the school?"

I don’t think so.” Julian didn’t want to answer clearly. In fact, he never tried to figure it out. Maybe many students hold moderate Marxist views. Julian said that he once discussed in class “How do Marxists analyze Dostoy? It was really interesting that the faces of all the students were immediately terrified when he read "The Novels of Iowski". It is estimated that some students were afraid that he would utter words attacking Marxism, which would embarrass them. They drank wine and tasted delicacies, what kind of fish, what kind of shrimp, what kind of meat, how to eat, Julian is already a veteran of Chinese cuisine, at least he can boast to this woman who just came from the United States.They chatted from the circle of Bloomsbury to the crisis in Europe.Julian did not believe that the crisis in Europe would spread here.

But he knew a thing or two about China, and several groups of the Red Army marched to the barren lands in western China.Beijing military police raided Qiu Tsinghua, arrested "radical" students and professors, and Communist Party hats were flying all over the sky. These two reasons may lead to a sympathetic strike here. Julian raised his glass and said, "Come on, like a Chinese toast." He drank the wine in the glass first, "Just to strike." American woman flushed after drinking a glass, she smokes and poses gracefully and attractively.She hooked the chair with her foot and moved closer to Julian. "What do you do when you go on strike?"

"Make love." Julian replied without thinking. The woman looked at him in surprise, and Julian looked at her.Then, look at each other to see who turns his face away in shame first.In the end, the woman turned her eyes away.Not because of his words themselves, but the rascality with which he spoke and looked at her. He smiled happily.This night he returned to Europe from Qingdao: this is his game, he likes to use shocking words to heighten women's lust, and he has the ability to push them aside mercilessly. He said: "If I don't go on strike, I will give lectures on the 'Cambridge Liberal School', from Moore to Russell. I can't go into details, but I will push students to think about the principles of liberalism." After he said this, he was very proud , and since feeding his students English translations of Proust's novels, he has become quite a good teacher.

The other party sighed, she didn't know much about these cultural affairs, nor was she interested. "Interesting," she said. Julian didn't want to go to bed with her today, let's talk about tomorrow.He knows what he's doing.  Now Julian was a happy man again, and he and the two women frequently ate lunch and dinner, and sometimes invited them to the house at the same time.The two women pretended not to care, but secretly competed vigorously with each other.He happily went in and out with one of them in pairs on campus.No one on campus takes Western men and women seriously.So he played the game as openly and grandly as possible.

But his happy days were not long, and before he could make up his mind to get them into bed, he himself stopped the game. Min stopped Julian on his way to the school teaching area in the morning.She was dressed in white, contrary to her usual elegance and luxury. She wore a cheongsam, cloth shoes, no makeup, and two long braids. She was as plain as the average female students on campus.But she was terribly thin, and her facial features were so pitifully beautiful. Julian expected to meet Min sooner or later, but he was still very unhappy about blocking the way like this, so he opened his mouth and said, "Are you still alive?" As soon as he spoke, he realized that he had joked too much recently, why did he speak so cruelly?

Min didn't seem to hear, and said what she was about to say: "You have L and M, congratulations." Her painful wrinkles are not on her face, but in her eyes, just as the secret of her body is not when she is wearing clothes, but after she is naked, she is truly mysterious.If there was one person Julian couldn't figure out, it would be Min. "Nothing." Julian denied it outright. He wanted to never deny it to Min. Min smiled and approached him: "Why would you lie? You are handsome, chic, attractive, the son of a literary family, a young professor and thinker, a talented poet, there is no woman who does not love."

Her smile was like a whip, whipping him across the face.She had never listed his strengths like this one by one. To him, she didn't seem to be sarcastic, nor did she seem to be accusing. She must feel very wronged, falling in love with a man who didn't deserve to love and insulted her.At this time, he once again cursed himself for not falling in love.Love, including a woman's body, is nothing to a man, but every time he makes love to her, he is also obsessed with her body, he does not recognize love, but every day he closes his eyes and sees her, that is love , he just refused to admit it.

Min's eyes filled with tears, and as the tears piled up, his heart became heavier and heavier.Min seemed to be trying her best not to shed tears, she said that she regretted loving the wrong person, and hated herself for not being able to completely forget about it. She gradually approached him, and her eyes were suddenly covered with tenderness, full of love, a love that never forgets life. "Don't do that." Unable to resist, Julian could only say, turning around without looking at Min. "You'd rather see me die, wouldn't you?" Min's breath, familiar to him, the kind that fascinated him, "I would, but, Julian, please, don't leave me at this moment. " "I didn't." He kept denying, and he didn't know what he was denying. It seemed that he didn't abandon her, or that he didn't want to see her die. Her eyes were dull, and her breathing was weak.Julian suddenly realized that love is the food of her body and soul, and she might really want to commit suicide—does she have a life-saving technique?She repeatedly said, "I will die in front of you."He thinks he's mean for hanging out with those two women because he doesn't love them at all. Unable to bear his sense of guilt any longer, Julian hugged Min and said loudly, "I love you." The first time he said this plainly, he was taken aback.He added, "Trust me." Min froze for a moment, but her breathing eased and she looked into his eyes.Shaking his head helplessly, he lowered his face and said, "I know, I'm cheap, I beg you to love me with death, you're sympathizing with me, but I'm satisfied." Min raised his head, his face and lips became a little bit Bloody, as if the soul had returned to her. "My mother said that the opposite of cheap is not expensive, but cheap is expensive after all." She broke free from Julian's arms and let him go first. After walking more than ten steps, Julian turned his head and saw that Min was no longer on the path.He was walking through a piece of green, and suddenly heard birds and monkeys calling.Only then did I realize that he was walking in the opposite direction, far away from the campus, and got lost in the dense forest in the mountains.Birds and monkeys you call for a while, and I call for a while. It's lively, but it's hard to see them.The rhododendrons, petunia flowers, and leaves and petals are several times larger than ordinary flowers and leaves.The light from the sky passed through Mimin, leaking down one after another. He plugged his ears, took a deep breath, and calmed down.When it was in the right direction, it came out. The students in the classroom were waiting anxiously. Julian arrived 40 minutes late. The students had already gone to his home office to look for him, but they couldn't find anyone, so they panicked and reported to Dean Zheng. Julian's first sentence in class was: "Sorry, I'm lost." He said it too seriously, and he laughed first, and the students laughed because they were infected by him.  It's unreal all day, having a date with an English woman at night. He didn't want to go, but it was too late to cancel.So, he went home once, changed into a suit and tie, and combed his hair neatly. He had never dressed so vulgarly when meeting Min. British women have also been specially dressed, somehow dressed up as Chinese women, like the female stars in the cigarette advertisements, wearing a cheongsam, a pearl necklace, permed hair, and inserted two fresh roses, red ones. "Why are you absent-minded?" She noticed it immediately. Julian apologized straight away, saying that he caught a cold from the mountain wind and felt a little unwell. But she was happy, maybe thought he was like this, and came to the appointment.The happier she is, the more something is wrong with Julian. Western women are not careful, if it is Min, they will definitely force him to go home and rest.And Western women, no matter what they look like, wearing a cheongsam is nondescript and looks a bit ridiculous, much like the Chinese women in Maugham's play on the London stage.The sexy cheongsam exists in the world to cover the flesh of Chinese women. He didn't want to look at her, so he turned to look at the door naturally.I happened to see an American woman and a Western man walking in. It turned out that they didn't let time be idle.Of course, it was supposed to be like this, when he was dating other women, the woman with flowers in her hair across from him would also find other happiness. Why do you think about them like this?I'm too nervous.Julian closed her eyes and reminded herself: I am also playing games with them, and I owe nothing to anyone.This is free play, so there can be no real emotion. The meal was a laborious, laborious one, and he tried to make it easy for him not to be too embarrassed.She talked too much, he didn't feel it at all before.He only hoped that the last piece of fruit would be served, and when he finished drinking, he would call a car to take her home. When they got into a taxi, the English woman said that Julian was not feeling well and that she had to take him home.He didn't force it. When he reached the door of the room, he kissed her on the cheek and said good night, without any intention of inviting her in. He closed the door, relieved to get rid of this woman.Indoor potted roses, prickly pears, and asters are continuing to bloom. After the rhododendrons withered, the servant field mouse planted a clump of small bamboos.The field mouse said that this is Xiangfei bamboo. According to legend, Shun, the second emperor of China, died while visiting Cangwu in the south.Shun's two concubines had no news for a long time, so they searched along the way. When they heard the bad news, they wept bitterly between the bay and Hunan. Their tears sprinkled on the bamboo, and the spots on the bamboo were their tears. Julian likes this Chinese folktale very much.After he showers, he goes to bed.After tossing and turning on the bed for a long time, I couldn't fall asleep, so I got up and played a record.There is music in the house, like wooden fish, and like water drops.When the music stopped, he could hear the temple bells, and he closed his eyes. The nightingale is singing, the sound of stones falling into the pool.A Chinese beauty with cloud hair in a high bun and embellished with pearls and jade came out of the bamboo bushes and walked towards his bedroom. He knew her, and she was beautiful when she was crying. Could it be that I am dead?He lay on the bed, thinking about it, and tried his best but couldn't do it.At this time, she was taking off her clothes one by one, making her a person from one dynasty to another. While taking it off, she scolded him loudly: "You are afraid of love, and you will hurt whoever loves you. You are wasting time, but your life is passing away. When I no longer exist, you will feel terrible without me. I was It is a part of your life, and if you reject it, it is tantamount to rejecting yourself. "I am a virgin at all, and I am a virgin again, longing for love like first love. Without you, I am not me at all, only thinking of you, just thinking, is different. You want to play with other women to forget me, Betray me? You see, I take off this last layer, I am already a modern woman, and if I take off again, I am a pure woman, how do you express your feelings?" After taking off her clothes, she lay naked on top of him and writhed like a snake.He felt that he couldn't hold it anymore, "premature ejaculation again." Just like they did at the beginning. She was obviously dissatisfied, and slapped him violently, hard and hard.But why didn't he feel the pain, he only felt that she was full of contempt for him, which made him ashamed, and that he was simply not qualified to be a man. She went to the boat table and lay on it naked. "If you go, you have to go, and if you live, you can live." Her voice was very soft and calm, as if she was reciting an ancient poem. The boat floated out of the window with her, and he followed, but the boat flew away quickly.He yelled: "Min!" When he woke up, it was only three o'clock in the morning. Julian remembered every detail of this dream, and the things in the dream were always weird, so don't worry about it. "If you go, you must go, and if you live, you will live." He also remembered these words. The phonograph that has been stopped long ago, the silk and satin that filled the room, the two porcelain vases, the boat-shaped table, the flowers and paintings upstairs and downstairs, the beautiful and fragrant world is due to the existence of Min, without Min, this world It's incomplete, it's not real. He'd been aware of this for a long time, and he was even more aware of it now.What I love the most, I destroy.It was torture to watch me and her suffer, and I reveled in it instead.Why should I be afraid of love?I treat myself like a tyrant first, needless to say to Min, I actually hate myself. Julian was looking for the yellow satin handkerchief that Min had given him in the house, and he was looking for the letter K.But no.I became manic and tired, and sat on the stairs. I decided not to look for it anymore, everything has to come naturally, and nothing can be forced, which is also a Taoist thought.He smiled wryly, so to speak, if he didn't look for it, he would meet him unexpectedly one day.  Julian sent the servants out to buy vegetables early in the morning. He hoped that the door would be opened by a slender and beautiful hand after eight o'clock.It was a quarter past eight, and the door was still the same. He couldn't hear the familiar footsteps, so he got dressed and went out. He walked towards the house with the big garden, without running, just striding forward. Min was sitting on the steps of his house, as if waiting for him. The sun was rising from among the trees on the top of the mountain, and both of them were enveloped in sunlight. "I had a dream." The two looked at each other and said at the same time, and stopped at the same time. She stood up sleepwalking.He couldn't help but take a few steps forward. Did they really have a dream together?Julian thought what would happen if Min slapped him at this moment, it would be very enjoyable and enjoyable.However, he wanted to tell her that he had been waiting for her early in the morning, and she would go with him, and he would use his body to apologize for all the misunderstandings in and out of the dream, and get back together. He was about to speak.The door behind Min creaked open. It wasn't Zheng, but a young man that Julian didn't know. He was tall, wearing a creamy white suit, bright tie, and three-knuckle leather shoes.Julian always thought that he was at least more masculine than most Chinese men, and now he saw that this Chinese man was more attractive than him. The young man nodded perfunctorily to Julian, and walked towards the campus holding Min's hand.There was a haughty air about him, and he didn't even bother to greet him.The instinctive reaction made Julian angry, her new lover!People from the Crescent Society!Min walked with him in a familiar manner, and there was a long-standing intimacy in his demeanor.She said she was tantamount to a virgin, what a lie!Said in a dream?A lie in a dream! Julian thought he was out of his head. He imagined Min's naked body in the arms of another man, that man, sliding into Min's flowery place.He was so angry that his heart beat faster. He was so angry that he ran into the library and turned around, as if he was chasing them, but he didn't look like it.Then I went to the office building, but it was still early for class, and it was a coincidence that he met Zheng in the stairwell.After chatting casually with Zheng, he said without hesitation that he saw a man with Min, who looked good, it should be said that he was perfect.This person has an unusual relationship with Min. Zheng smiled and said, "That's Min's younger brother, who just came back from the United States. Passing by Qingdao, do you want to introduce him to you?" Min's brother?The father of thirteen or four wives and concubines, how many brothers and sisters does he have?Julian also jokingly said: "Yeah, it's good to be able to introduce, I just have a family disease, pay more attention to the appearance of men." He laughed and felt very relaxed. Zheng was called away by a teacher. Julian didn't feel relieved. His reaction just now was too extreme, too dramatic, and it was completely humiliating.If that wasn't Min's younger brother, what would have been the consequences of what he said to Jung!He is tantamount to telling the truth and directly hurting Min. Because of this, he was very uncomfortable, and he actually did the thing he hated the most. "Everything here is like a lousy novel," Father Clive had said to Aunt Virginia many years ago.Only now did I understand that the relationship between father, mother, and aunt was quite embarrassing a long time ago, before he was born.It's just that they are known as the most thorough liberals in the UK, prominent figures in the intellectual circles who have attracted public attention, and the principles they advocate have to be carried out consistently, with a surprisingly frankness.When there is a pimple in the relationship, such as now, the aunt will take revenge, such as refusing to publish his collection of essays.