Chapter 13 There's a war coming, take my heart

As usual, there is a pool of water in the yard, a rocky mountain, tall and green bamboo, plum blossoms are withering, and the pool is free and easy in the path. The head of the house is a middle-aged woman with luxurious clothes and friendly expression, and Min speaks a bunch of Chinese to her.Too fast for Julian to understand any words.The woman beamed at once, and politely led them down the hall, past the rooms, with latticed doors that slid to let some light in.Some doorways have lanterns, and some rooms have people in them.But it was very quiet, and there was a peculiar smell coming out of it, Julian didn't know what it was.

Min turned around and said to Julian that she had to use her father's name, it would be convenient and there would be a full set of services. It was a long time before Julian understood what "full set" meant. They were ushered into a spacious room, richly and tastefully furnished, and the landlady bowed out, and whispered something at the door.Then two maids came up and helped them take off their coats.The room is only lit by candlelight, neither dark nor bright, the light is just right.There are three pots of pine charcoal fire burning in the hall.A huge bed, a brick pit in the northern style, also had a fire in it.The red sandalwood carvings inlaid the head of the bedposts, and they were cleaned very cleanly. There were pillows and backrests, covered with pure white fox fur felt.Indoor like British summer temperature.

The two maids spread a large white embroidered cloth on the bed.Ask them to sit on it and help them take off their shoes.Two other maids came in, carrying some strange supplies, and Min tidied up her well-tied hair. Regardless of these people coming and going, she was already lying on her side, with some pillows under her body, and her head resting on her hands. Looking at Julian with a smile, he was being helped to undress by the maids, and asked him to follow her example and lie down, leaving those busy maids alone. In less than a few minutes, the maids handled them and quietly left the room.There was only one maid left in the room.She bolted the door from the inside.

Looking at the slender pipe handed to him by the maid in his hand, Julian realized that it was an opium den.He remembered watching documentary films about China, and there were always scenes of opium dens, how dirty, scary, and crowded.This is not the case, and those so-called China watchers can no longer be trusted.There's a whole set of strange tools between him and Min that he doesn't understand.The maid kneeling in front of the bed, wearing a red silk gown, picks up raw opium paste in a few refined small boxes, puts them on a small wire rack, burns them with charcoal fire, and the black-brown liquid becomes translucent. Grow into a golden-yellow bubble.

The maid picked up a bubble with a long needle, put it on the mouth of the pipe, and handed it to Julian. At a loss, Julian pointed to Min and said, "Ladies first, ladies first." Min smiled, and without giving in, he took the pipe and started smoking.She looked unprofessional, and even choked lightly twice, watching the smoke bubbles on the pipe shrink slowly, and then disappeared with a snap.Julian let out a small cry of delight.She smiled apologetically, saying that when her mother smoked opium, she learned a thing or two, but forgot. The second bubble had already been burned, and Julian followed suit, holding the pipe together and inhaling slowly, even more decently than Min.He only felt a strange burnt aroma, a bit irritating but not choking, and it penetrated into his lungs softly and soothingly. 

He looked at Min on the opposite side, it was very hot, they were all only wearing underwear, with knowing smiles on their faces.In his eyes at this moment, Min was as beautiful as a fairy.She took off the last layer of clothes on her body, and her black hair hung down. This sexy oriental woman was looking at him charmingly, and every part of her naked body was tempting him.Suddenly, he felt that he was in his mother's studio, and his mother and he looked at a painting and smiled at each other. There is no need to apply the fourth dose of smoke ointment, two puffs will make him dizzy, as if he is in a room in the sky, and after three puffs, he can hear angels singing in the background, humming lowly.His body is brisk, and he is flying, without the hindrance of clothes.Indeed, he found that he had no clothes on him.It's great, I've never been so free and free, without any scruples about anything.As for Min, the place where she lies is empty. "Oh, she's here with me. So good, so good," murmured Julian.

There is no accompaniment, the angels are singing a cappella.Every cell in his body was changing, Min's body was covered by clouds, it was unreal, surrounded by fog. Min was already on top of him, but in a strange position. He groaned, woke up for a while, and looked tremblingly at what Min was doing. When he was in middle school, he once read an English translation of a Chinese novel from the 16th century. He read it scribbled, and he had long forgotten the overly trivial characters and plots.But he remembered clearly that women in it loved "blowing the flute" the most, but that book had the advantage of translating all the places that were banned in England into Latin.He happened to be studying Latin, and felt that Caesar's "Gallic Wars" was not only the boastful boast of a dictatorial politician, but also extremely boring, and all the students in the class used the English version for comparison to confuse the teacher.And he had interesting reading.I still remember it clearly:

mentulam ad sua labra adposuit; caput mentulae lingua sua titillabat, et inter labra sursum deorsum volvebat; Mentulam in genas mollivit et in os recepit. Foramen titillabat et lingua nervum provocabat. et molliter movit...et continuo in os mulieris exiit semen quod tarde sorbuit.  The teacher just wondered why his Latin improved so fast.He felt helpless because of it.My God, Chinese women love blowjobs the most. Why do the western girlfriends he can find never want to listen to them, and some even leave him because he said this and think he has a problem.He never dared to ask Min, he always thought she was so clean as jade, not at all like the heroine of the sixteenth century book.

It turned out that it may be the most natural instinct of Chinese women, perhaps all women, but Min needs a final lifting of the ban. he cried.He saw it, and when Min raised his head back, his hair flew away and fell down briskly. The song next to my ear was gradually blurred, faintly present, intermittently, and suddenly became clear again, as if singing in my ear, I felt a naked woman holding a flute to her mouth.It sounded to him as if the angels were singing "Love, love, in the field of flowers."Oh, yes, she has rainbow colors on her body, and she has become his concubine again, the most proud flute player in the harem, and a well-known artist in the capital.

Julian turned on his back, and they rolled down to the side of the bed together.Min exhaled rhythmically and let go, then raised her face to take a long breath, her eyes were full of spring, very charming.He just recovered a bit, and stared blankly at this face. The maid had already put away the smoking equipment, and at this moment, according to Min's gesture, she leaned forward. She was too young, about seventeen years old, with a small body lying in the middle of the bed, and she looked very peaceful.Min Soon lay on her bed. Julian has seen this kind of posture from ancient Chinese paintings. In ancient times, the royal family or dignitaries often used maids as cushions for sexual intercourse, and it was also a way to arouse sexual desire.He thought it was just a sexual fantasy, but it turned out to be a fact.Min was padded up, white and tender, like a boiled egg with its shell peeled off, and like a pink cherry, his dizziness added surprise, making him even more excited.

She is really mine, she is really what I want, Julian went up to greet him, Min hugged him, following the ups and downs of his body, the dance of two became a dance of three. The fire in the room was flourishing, the veils were fluttering, and many white cranes flitted across the red forest burning with sunlight, and flocks of wings surged up, lifting them up and jumping.He was almost drunk with a burning sensation.He suddenly felt that all the enjoyment of his life had been exhausted at this moment. How did the time pass?Time went fast, and it slowed down lovely, and he felt another puff of cigarettes being delivered to his mouth.In the special fragrance of opium, he naturally fell into a relaxed half-sleep and half-awake.Unknowingly, they switched positions.Only then did he see that there was a long mirror on the side of the bed, and between the mirrors was a painting of flowers and birds.He closes his eyes, he is a bird.The bird's beak, the bird's teeth, the bird's fingertips and wings, towards Min, are almost gross. She ignited every bundle of his nerves, made every bundle of nerves burst into flames, and he cried out, feeling himself connected to her burning throat, and the instant it was about to burst, a powerful force tore his Body, Min's hand opened like a torture, he couldn't help calling Min, I flew, like a bright light, his soul flew away from the body, his soul, and hers.  The next day, Julian was alone on the train back to Qingdao, holding a yellow satin handkerchief in his hand.Early this morning, he went back to the hotel to pick up his luggage, and the two took a taxi to the train station together.In the taxi, she handed him the handkerchief, which had the letter K embroidered on it.The silk thread is brighter than the whole piece of yellow.There is a dark pattern on the yellow silk satin, which is bamboo leaves, you can only see it if you look closely, it is the same as her dress.He heard Min say that yellow is the color of Chinese emperors, but in modern China it is considered the color of pornography.I don't know what she meant by using yellow?Min only said, as long as you still like it, take it with you. Why did she embroider K?It is to admit that he is K.She wanted to tell him that she didn't care how many women he had before, and she wasn't jealous; in his life, no one could replace her with any other woman? He didn't know her intentions, his mind was numb and he couldn't close his eyes.The sound of the train tracks and wheels hitting, with ever-changing rhythms.The train crossed the mountains and rivers he passed a month ago, gently shaking his body, his eyes were full of Min's figure, his heart was full of Min, she had already cleverly run into his body, planted in his heart . In that opium den, he recalled.The vermilion bed, the flames, the beautiful erotic world, after that wild orgasm, he immediately fell asleep dizzily, and he didn't know which part of the big bed he was in.He woke up once and found that the maid had left long ago, and Min had fallen asleep, naked as he was, not as energetic after sex as before, perhaps due to the effect of opium.She rested her head on his lap, her black hair on his lap, her arms around him, her face against him, and even in her dreams her lips kissed him. Julian had never seen a woman's sexuality revealed so freely.Perhaps, this is again due to opium, which overturns the deepest instincts of people.Looking at her beautiful face full of desire, her body full of temptation, he felt that he had never spent such a beautiful moment.He moved Min on his arm, and that care made him feel that he had never loved a woman so much, and he loved her.Yes, he was quite sure now.He lay down with her in his arms, stroked her gently with his hands, and then wrapped his arms around her head, like protecting a child. He felt peaceful and fell asleep again. I remember that this morning, when the taxi arrived at the very noisy train station, Min didn’t get out of the taxi, so as not to run into acquaintances, she wished him a safe journey.After a pause, she said that she began to like Qingdao because she met Julian there. Julian was carrying his luggage and was about to say something when a sharp siren sounded.What happened to the two of them?The taxi driver started the car in panic and pulled Min away. Julian thought of this over and over again on the train, and he wanted to say to her, "I don't like Tsingtao because I want us to be together." This woman lives a lifetime.Because of this, he had to think carefully before saying this.This woman's love is already too heavy in his heart, he has to be responsible for everything he says.He has to weigh himself on the emotional scale again. Julian suddenly understood that he fell into a kind of despair on the way back from the north to the south of the train, and the despair of refusing to choose her without any reason dominated him.What happens to love after the loss of freedom of choice—when adultery is no longer adultery?He will never forget his experience in Beijing until he dies.Yes, Min said, "You will never forget, even when you die."And except for the moment when she read his poem, she cried emotionally, but she didn't say anything, and she never talked about their future.why? She probably knew it was useless to discuss it, and that any vows he made would not last long without the test of not choosing again.  When the train arrived in Jinan, it was the morning of the second day, and he saw many passengers flocking to the platform, clamoring for newspapers.He can't understand, so he can only ask people.There was a Frenchman on the train who was reading a newspaper and shaking his head.  Julian asked him. He said, "War! War!" "Just speak French," said Julian. Only then did I find out that because of the fierce clashes between Chinese and Japanese armies near the Great Wall, yesterday Japanese military planes even flew over Beijing to circle and provoke. The Chinese government lodged a serious protest to the Japanese side. Probably just as he was leaving, that screeching siren was the air siren.It seems that the Japanese fascists deliberately stimulated him. "This kind of thing has already happened, and there is no way to fight. The Chinese government does not want to go to war with Japan at this time. They will use diplomatic negotiations to give up the land step by step." The Frenchman said, rolling his eyes like a prophet. "However, Beijing is almost over! Beijing is over!" Julian has been back for seven days, and the semester has begun, but he has asked for sick leave. One day, Vole told Julian in the kitchen that Professor Zheng went to the train station to pick up his wife. She had just returned from Beijing with a lot of luggage, which she said was a gift from relatives and friends. "I'm back." Julian neither answered nor asked, looking for milk to drink.Milk and drinking water in China must be sterilized.field The Rat already knew his habits. He liked cold milk and drank half a glass at a gulp.Boil fresh milk early each day and leave it there to cool. The wife of the head of the department looks ten years younger, very pink.said the field mouse.It must be a bodhisattva worshiping Buddha to get blessings. I met him at the school gate. He was very polite and greeted me, asking where did you go during the holidays? Julian returned to the bedroom with the tea bowl. He also got into the Chinese habit of drinking tea every day, and he only likes Longjing tea, which is elegant and pure, unlike the Darjeeling tea that the British drink, which is like spices.It was from this moment that he really hated the field mouse. The wizard looked cunning, but only on the outside; This guy is a fucking asshole.Julian swore. His Chinese is good enough to fire this guy and rehire a satisfactory servant.No, the servant can speak English and it is hard to find.Both the field mouse and the wizard were specially found for him by the school.Everyone here speaks English to him. Now he can only speak less than 300 Chinese words, and he can understand a little more. He is almost a mute.  After returning from Beijing, Julian lay on the bed for two full days, exhausted, really exhausted. He thought he was the "God of War" Mars, strong and strong, used to fighting women, never satisfied.How could it be so vulnerable?His symptoms are a bit like the flu, dizziness, weakness, loss of appetite, and he can't sleep well. He can only wake up and stare blankly. He has not yet learned the art of intercourse. This is not due to his incompetence, but cultural differences.It is difficult for one national culture to communicate with another national culture, how many times it is useless? He asked his servants to go to the market to pick two plum trees, the golden-blossoming Dongfang plums. Spring was approaching and it was easy to live.It stands to reason that he should go to the garden and thank the two servants. The field mouse said that the plum tree can kill the evil spirit of the peach tree.But he just didn't want to do it.I liked disheveled clothes since I was a child, but now I ignore my hair and beard and let it develop.He didn't want to go anywhere, he always lay on the bed, often facing the wall, that is, lying with his back to the door—it was really tired, and at the same time he wanted to have a quiet mind and think about something. But he found that what he was thinking all the time was when will Min come back?Now he is strongly aware that she "comes back" and will not return to his home.But it's only a ten-minute walk to him, at least it feels close.He wondered in his heart what she would be doing at this moment, would she miss her?He opened the window and took a look in the direction where she lived, feeling better. Her train ticket is seven days later than his.It was her arrangement - not because of fear of suspicion, but because she couldn't stand the two of them sitting in the car together for a day and a night, looking at each other, but they couldn't get close.Julian thought her arrangement was reasonable. On the other hand, it was a good thing that she could control it. The twenty-four hours Julian had spent on the train, twenty-seven hours to be precise, and the solitary time he had returned had made him more and more aware of the depths in which he had fallen.Instead of the old question of pushing a woman away from her side, the question now is whether it is possible to push Min out of her heart. His mother's letters were on the table, and the density of his letters to his mother had returned to at least two long letters a week.Tell everything in detail, like asking your mother to read his diary.During this trip to Beijing, things happened urgently and intensively. I didn't have much time to write letters in Beijing, so it was impossible to tell all the details.Talking about it now, it is an opportunity to look back.However, he found that he and his mother were intimate and had no taboos before, but now there are many things that are inconvenient to talk about. If my mother received the most beautiful silk satin in China from Min, she would definitely be pleasantly surprised, and she would definitely let the silk satin hang all over her studio, hanging down high, and kept saying to friends and guests, look, this is Julian from From China, look, come and touch this smooth and comfortable, these oriental exotic works of art, enough to make all Bloomsbury remember him.He very much hoped that Min would like his mother, and even more hope that his mother would like Min. He went to the window and closed it, but within two minutes, he opened the window a little to let the wind blow his body.can There was no Min in his field of vision, this feeling of wanting to see her but also afraid of seeing her was terrible.As soon as she came back, they couldn't get along as innocently as they did before the winter vacation, nor could they be as free as they were in Beijing.And, as a result, there was no way to not discuss what they hadn't discussed—to formalize the relationship: divorce, marriage.And before that, you have to express your exclusive love clearly. The only other option left was to ignore the woman from now on, and that was hardly conceivable. The first cornflowers popped their heads.The daffodils on the hills are all in bloom, a flower that can be seen everywhere in England, usually neatly planted, but here it is only by the pond and stream.  Julian suddenly separated from Min, knowing that she might have other ideas about her arrangement: Min might have postponed the time because there were so many friends in the Beijing Crescent Society and it was impossible to see her.Especially during Chinese New Year, she has to socialize without showing her innocence.He felt neglected and sick again, so he complained in the letter to his mother: "Don't worry, I won't get married, marriage will be a catastrophe." His mother would stand by his side when she read the letter, and she was always worried about him. Passionate and confused, and finally make a wrong decision.After writing this sentence, he felt free again.He was able to miss Min in peace.Even if she doesn't care about me, I care about her, is there anything wrong?Julian laughed at himself, he was not like his former self: cold and heartless! The day after the letter was posted, he received a letter from his mother.not to comment on his sexuality —she was always glad that he was enjoying life.It was something he had almost forgotten--his manuscript. His aesthetic essays on Roger Fry's thoughts, "Proletariat and Poetry" he debated with C. De Lewis, and "War and Peace" discussed with Forster, were transferred to the Woolfs through his mother. It was published by their Hogarth Press, which Aunt Virginia refused.On the phone, my mother lost her temper with my aunt, but the letter only comforted him.But he suspected that Virginia was having trouble with his mother again. There is a large garden attached to the house. What is his father Clive shouting, probably asking where is the coffee pot?Aunt Virginia was writing in the house; Mother was meditating absently among the flowers, her head raised by the shouts; and Duncan, the mother's beau, wandered dazed, with a knot here and a tie there.This kind of harmony may be hard to come by. Guess it is the prototype Vita Sackville-West in Auntie's novel "Orlando".Auntie will fall in love with women madly, but she is jealous of mother in her heart. The most bitter thing is the mother's proud look for her son.These two famous Bloomsbury women are the most perfect sister relationship to the outside world, but they still cannot escape the simplest and inevitable entanglements between people. He now understands that although he is an imposing professor in China, he actually has no definite major.He wanted to be both a second-generation Bloomsbury poet and political commentator.Two years ago, after his collection of poems "Winter's Move" was published, he received a lot of encouragement from his friends and family members. Aunt Virginia also wrote two long letters to scrutinize and comment on it, but there was little response from the newspapers and periodicals. Driven by the trend of European thought circles, he addressed many issues—— Aesthetics, politics, literature and politics are all concerned, turning to critique.Several of his long essays focus on the elders as the object of controversy. When his parents were very young, even younger than him, they were absolutely arrogant and dominated the world. He wrote a big topic: Moore's "Principles of Ethics", Leo Uncle Nader's "Socialism and the Cooperative Movement", his father's "On Civilization", Keynes's "On Currency", Forster's "Speech" and "Aspects of the Novel" are all umbrella-shaped masterpieces that monopolize a discipline.The pressure made him restless.It turns out that these people don't want to appreciate the challenges of their group's children. Well, he thought, you old British liberals will eventually be replaced, you dare to be gay for liberalism, or anti-war.Our new liberals dare to try, even learn the art of the East, dare to go to the East to fight for idealism, let's wait and see! However, the rejection of the manuscript by his closest family members still hurt his self-esteem.When he was angry, he began to doubt whether he could become a Bloomsbury character. Didn't he have the wisdom of his father's generation?Or the times no longer need this kind of Intellectuals?Perhaps, he thought, I should still write poetry.He believed that some of his existing poems should survive.  This early spring, Julian was twenty-eight years old.He had just enjoyed the greatest blessing in his life, which made him feel endlessly; but when he had to face up to the relationship with this Chinese woman, the more he thought about it, the more complicated he thought about it; at a loss. It's possible that he's just not used to missing a woman so much, from love to resentment, it turned into dissatisfaction in one way or another.As soon as the cool wind blew, he sneezed.Body becomes squeamish?Weaker when sick.He wandered upstairs and downstairs like a disturbed ghost.Tired of wandering around, he lay down on the bed. Suddenly, he felt Min's breath in his house, and he jumped up from the bed. It was the evening when the sun had just set and the lights had not yet been turned on.Fortunately, Julian thought, he was feeling better today and not lying in bed.He could hear Min's light footsteps as he went upstairs step by step. Min heard that he was sick, so he sent medicine.Seeing Julian standing at the door of the bedroom with disheveled clothes and disheveled hair, she begged him to go back to bed quickly in front of the servants.She also brought a record "Yangguan Sandie" that she found from a friend in Beijing.She said, "Sleep and listen." He had to sleep obediently on the bed, covered tightly, watching Min busy in the house, walking up and down, he suddenly felt that this is really like a home, A warm home of his own.He asked Min to play the record, and she took the record out of the paper case, put it on a plate and played it. As he listened, he fell asleep.After returning from Beijing, it was the first time that I slept so well. I wonder when Min left? The next day Julian woke up late and the sun was over the roof.Min didn't know when he came, and he made soup, rice porridge, and vegetables, all of which were greasy, effective for colds, and nutritious.She is like a family member, caring and careful, but keeping a distance.The servants follow her up and down, and they are very obedient to the wife of the head of the department, and her behavior is very natural.She concentrates on it and doesn't care about other things. She doesn't even mention anything about Beijing or say a word of affection. She really cares about his health. Julian looked at her somewhat complainingly.Min seemed to see what he was thinking, and said: "The Chinese say that illness comes like a landslide, and sickness goes like a cocoon." Could she be mocking me?However, different cultures always hear different symbols from words. She continued: "One has to let one's heart flow, everything is easy to discuss, and there will be good results. The Tao is about peace of mind, and true wisdom is to let nature take its course." But she didn't mean it.Julian understood that she was just trying to show her patience.During the few days when Min returned to Qingdao to visit Julian, his thoughts kept going in circles. He didn't know if he was punishing the woman who loved him, or punishing himself?It is also unclear whether he has been sucked out of his yang energy and no longer has sexual desire.In the past, unsatisfied sexual desire prevented him from judging love; now there is no sexual desire to judge love: pure love seems to be more difficult.The only thing that was indisputable was that he couldn't deny that he wanted Min, but he didn't know how to explain this mixed taste of bittersweet that he had never experienced in his life. A few days later, when he was completely recovered from his illness and sitting on the sofa in the living room, Min mentioned the matter between them. She didn't ask if Julian missed her, she just said that being apart from Julian for seven days was like seven years.After saying this, tears welled up in her eyes.She turned her head away, covered her mouth with her hands, and tried her best to hold back. Julian wanted to take her in his arms.But he restrained himself, he had been rehearsing this moment of showdown in his mind for a long time, and for the time being did not want to rush back into delirious love, even though he was very happy there.From Min's eyes, he could see that She loved him, deeply, and more than sexually.He felt afraid of this look. He had not yet made an irrevocable decision, nor had he thought of a vaguely decent word. Then she changed the subject and said that she had met some friends and that she had too much luggage, mainly because she had decided to pick out some of the bright dresses she wore as a girl, because Julian liked: sleeves, cloth buttons, trim Most of the cheongsams were outdated styles in the early years of the Republic of China, but they might not be outdated for Julian. It seemed to Julian that she played the game of love clearly better than he did."That would be great," he said. Since the servant was absent, Min gradually moved closer to him, but did not actually touch him.She raised her face and looked at him without moving, and she was full of love, just for him. He had never met a person with such strong feelings.This made him feel very uneasy, and he was afraid of women falling in love.Falling in love will create pain for each other, and the result will be boring, at least in his past experience.But what if you don't love?Wouldn't it be romantic, would there be such intense sexual pleasure as they had in Beijing? The conclusion is: love to a certain extent is enough. The remaining question: At what point does love stop?And let the other party agree to stop at that level. The bewildered look on his face made Min sit back, and now it's her looking at him with concern.  Julian's cold cleared up and classes resumed.But he still hasn't recovered, and some symptoms have not disappeared, so Min still often comes in the name of seeing a doctor.About the two of them, Min tried his best not to talk about it, as if he knew that he was afraid of making it clear.It is not clear that both parties are free to decide to continue or not to continue at will.The current situation has made him unable to decide alone, and he almost wants to write a novel that satirizes himself, with a ready-made title: "Hamlet in China". This day Min walked into the room, sat quietly by the table for a while, and suddenly said, "If you don't sit in the garden again, I'll throw these two vases into the ravine outside the window." She grabbed a porcelain vase with one hand. , her threat made him laugh. She didn't smile, but carefully put the vase back on the table. "If you are sick, I can come here often. This is a good excuse. But if you continue to be sick, it will do too much damage to your body." The implication is that Min knows his "sickness" in his heart.At this time, it was a last resort to point out to him what she seemed to be going to say. They came and sat in the garden, and the servants brought tea and refreshments.The two plum plants were full of vitality. Looking at them, Julian felt much better.Min's expression today is not as pampering as before, but a kind of determination.In the garden, Min whispers, "We need a new time scheme." Julian immediately understood what Min was referring to: since he was unwilling to explicitly express his love and willingness to marry, she wanted to maintain a "personal relationship" that he could accept first.He really couldn't think of any way to keep the servants of the two ghost spirits from lingering in front of his eyes, and his private life would be disturbed, but he couldn't live without them.Unless we go to the wild with Min Shangshan, the warm season has not yet arrived, so there is no danger of this temptation. He was silent, just to let Min speak.Min stood up and walked restlessly in the garden. The high-heeled leather shoes and rose-red dress on her feet made her look taller than usual, graceful and graceful.She looks good in anything she wears, and any color is suitable, but rose red is too sexy, especially in the sun, and the pre-wedding clothes are now worn tighter, which outlines an attractive figure. From the outside, she looks a bit fragile.She stopped and turned to him. Her voice was soft and slow, but she expressed herself clearly.With him, especially during the time in Beijing, she spoke English almost every day, and her English was completely different from when we first met. Her plan was simple, but bold: Julien sent both servants to do the grocery shopping in the morning, and returned after nine.She came to Julian's house at eight o'clock when her husband was in his office as head of department.There is an hour of safety time. Her face was flushed, but she was not shy, but felt wronged and neglected.Julian's deliberate distance had made her bear it to the limit.He knew how she was feeling at this moment: She came to visit him when he was sick within a few hours of arriving home from Beijing. She thought he would desperately continue the frenzy in Beijing. She couldn't be sure that he loved her, but at least there was no reason to stop them The relationship with her has developed further, and now she can only take the initiative to ask for sex, which is her last resort. Julian knew the plan was unequal.He is in a strange country, and once he finds out, he doesn't care about face.Min took a much greater risk. It was difficult for a Chinese woman to survive because of her reputation as an adulterer with foreigners.In the country's intellectual circles, even the liberal Crescent Society disapproved of such behavior.But she must have known that, for Julian, once sex was gone, love would not last. Julian was eager to go along with the scheme, he liked a little danger, especially a little dangerous sex.But start over?He didn't want to answer right away. Min's sad eyes could only leave him. Before he could speak, she walked directly from the garden to the mountain road, walking so fast that he was really worried that her high-heeled shoes would make her fall.Impulsively, he shouted: "Yes!" Min turned his head and smiled, the smile was so bright and sweet that it made him feel bad: Is he a little too cruel?  Julian had a restless night's sleep.The night before, he had ordered two servants to go to the vegetable market early in the morning to buy some special dishes, and they were not allowed to come back until after nine o'clock.He knew it was ridiculous to order such an order, but he couldn't control that much.Once sex is possible, he starts to miss Min's body again, his body already knows Min better than his heart, and desires Min uncontrollably.Several times, the scenes of Beijing came back to his mind, making his organs hard and painful. He had to sit up and write to his mother.In the past, when I wrote to my mother, I could express my undispelled desires, and sometimes sort out my overly confused thoughts, but now I can only use my nostalgia for one woman to resist my lust for another woman, trying to cool down the flame as much as possible.When the words he wrote didn't flow from the bottom of his heart, he began to wonder if he was betraying his mother. When Min suggests they continue, it's an order, an order he can't resist and can't protest.His hard thinking about the relationship with her completely collapsed in front of a few words from her—if she wanted to continue, he had to continue. He simply didn't sleep anymore, he went to take a shower and wash his hair.He shaved carefully the beard that he had left on purpose for many days, and that beard really made him ugly.I cleaned up my whole body before going to bed.He never wears clothes when he sleeps, just waiting under the quilt.He realized that he was possessed by a demon, and not only did he return to the eager look that he hadn't grasped before he went to Beijing, but he also surrendered helplessly to carnal desire? It just didn't light up. He finally fell asleep in a daze while waiting. A soft slam of the door woke him up, and the servants went out.Min already had a key.Below should be her footsteps going upstairs, but it hasn't happened for a long time.He fell asleep again, half asleep and half awake, he heard Min Qingrou's footsteps creaking up, at this moment, his heart was very quiet, he could hear and feel everything. He struggled to open his eyes, but he couldn't do it. He felt Min walk into the room, and he rubbed his eyes, wanting to see how she undressed and how to expose her beautiful body. Before it was too late, Min had already reached the bedside, Sliding under the covers like a fish. 闵的头发带着早晨的露气，好像远远地从另一个世界奔到他的床上来，她的身体，她的嘴唇，也带着凉气，她冷得有点哆嗦。她逃离那个冰冷的世界，像逃离地狱。 她肯定是从陡峭的小路爬上来的，不会碰到人，而且快。 达达达的声响从枕头下传出，闵把一个怀表放在那里，隔一会儿，看一下。这才是真正的偷情，紧张，急促。朝霞透过窗子射进房间，房间变得非常有光彩。他们急急忙忙亲吻着，她身子轻轻一摆动，他就进入她，已经熟悉的路径，进行起来得心应手，两人缠绵了一会儿。当闵又摸出怀表看时，裘利安受不了，觉得兴致消退，他并不太激动地射了精，闵也明显没有满足。她摸出表，表像定时炸弹一样响着。她摇摇头，就下了床，飞快地穿上衣服，出了门。 第二天早晨八点闵准时来，还是那么紧张，急促。整个做爱成了例行公事，甚至事情完了，才八点半。“还有点时间。”闵悲伤地看看怀表。裘利安表现出来的不太合乎性格的宽容，使她感动。两人看着秒针一点一点移动。最后，闵提前走了，少点危险。没有怀表跳动的房间，非常静寂，裘利安突然觉得这样的窘困，可能并不是没好处，不久双方都会自然冷却，自然中止。 如此的性生活，使北京之行一些枝蔓小节清晰起来，他几乎能记起每次性高潮是如何来到的，那些环境，那些气氛，那些不断翻新的花招，现在还剩下了什么？早晚将沦陷的北京，闪耀着末日的华丽，还剩下什么？ 第三天闵走进卧室，惊奇地看到裘利安衣服整齐，捧了个茶碗坐在船形桌前。他脸上毫不掩饰地显出无聊感，闵在他对面床上坐下，叹了口气。 “怎么？”裘利安认为闵并不是在抗议，他不过是凭本能问了一句。 “我是冒着生命危险来和你做爱的，今年是我本命年，我属鼠，按中国算法，春节开始就是三十六岁——你离开北京之后。” 她的话使他一惊，他不知道安排他提早离开北京还有这么一层原因。这些数字一直对他不具有什么意义，包括她三十六，他二十八。他对中国十二年一轮转的天象图从来没有兴趣。 “本命年，应禁违例性事，会有难以预料的灾祸。”闵不情愿说下去，她甚至也不看裘利安。 “上帝保佑！”裘利安笑起来，中国人迷信太多，这种十二年一轮转的属相，比西方星象更不值一哂。不过对中国古老文化，他还是最好谦卑一些。 "so serious?" 闵说，母亲说起过此事，但她从未见过书，父亲如宝贝藏着，连母亲也没法帮她找到。上一次本命年，二十四岁时，她有所心动，就去一向保持中国唐代遗风的日本旅游，曾到一个有名的神道庙。那里的住持，世代相传，女儿接任，虔信房中术。她与女住持一见投缘，便请教了关于本命年的戒论。女主持说，中国古传，本命年不能有逾分内性事，分内性事稍有节制即可。至于何为“分”，各家说法不一。按中国民族道德婚内房事为分，不然犯冲。 女住持还说，人不可与鬼交，犯之不出三年必死。 何以知之？she asked. 女住持说，只需取新布一尺，在落日之时，悬挂在东墙上，第二日查看，布上必有血色。而且声称七月十五日鬼节始，鬼交之期，若交，必有重难，悬挂东墙之布，即刻就有血色。 裘利安问，有谁试过吗？中国人什么都是身体力行，他知道自己这问题很傻。 那住持说，有人试过，布上果然有红色，后果然暴卒。闵说，住持警告过她，千万勿试。 裘利安瞪眼瞧着闵。他从她那里已经听到过许多怪事，大都当场有验证的，当场床上见效的，现在却是一个说不清的威胁，一个未来才能应验的凶兆。不，他不会，也不想把闵说的什么红布之事当真。至于本命年之凶险，他情愿绕开这个问题。他喝茶，有经验地吹拂漂在水面的茶叶。 但是闵又回到这个问题上：“你信不？本命年的禁忌。” 裘利安开心地笑起来。So funny!因此，仅仅为了挽救闵的生命，他们也就当停止这种私情，直到明春。 他完全了解他说这话会懊悔，但还是说了：“当然不信。照这个禁令，全世界将有多少人每年自动躬身请死神？” she smiled. “这正是那位女住持告诉我的话。不信这套传统的，此禁忌不起作用。” “但是，你相信这套传统！” “不，我不相信整套传统。我只遵循我发现可证明有用的部分。孔子就这么说：尊敬鬼神，保持距离。” 裘利安听呆了，这正是英国从洛克、休谟起，直到莫尔的经验主义哲学传统，原来也是中国典型的思想方式。闵的断言，使这复杂之极的哲学原理变得如此明晰。 “要是最终证明这禁忌是实，怎么办？我指引祸上身？”他问。 “那我下辈子再信。这辈子我就认了！”闵斩钉截铁地说。这样冒死相爱，使他感动到极点。 他走到闵面前，看着，低下头去亲亲她的眉心，说：“时间不早，回去吧，今夜梦中我到你那儿去，如何？” 他比她还记得住时间，比她还在乎她的困境。她默默地站起来，离开了。裘利安突然感到很不安，他向走到楼梯底端的闵大声说：“我会一整天都想着你，明早见，我的爱。” 这是裘利安第一次用爱这个词，哪怕是称呼，也是第一次。对她用如此亲密的用词，她愣在那儿，没想到似的。但她立刻反应过来，露出一个裘利安式嘲讽的微笑，然后走了。 裘利安站在楼梯口上，闵说的所有事都抵不上她本命年冒死做爱这件事，深深地打动了他，他的脑子绕不开这点，此时全拴在这点上，她爱他，以她的方式，有什么错？她就是一个这浪漫文化熔铸的完美的青铜器。 春天，雾从海湾边海湾边漫起，往山上涌来。有时到中午，太阳普照，雾才慢慢退下山去，退回水里。裘利安新学期的课都在下午，惟一的上午是周二，在十点，并不妨碍他和闵的幽会。如果是有意如此安排，不知闵用什么主意让郑主任中计。虽然课程表在开学前就定下了，他依然不能排除这里有闵的心计。 以往的春天，裘利安都有一个新女朋友，仿佛春天就是换女朋友的季节。而一九三六年的这个春天，他一点也没这心情，虽然他和闵从相识到现在，远不到一年时间，而且，他们的私情时间更短，但已觉得与她度过好多春天了。 学校里正在闹学潮，学生在反对校长和“他的一帮”对日侵华的抗议的不合作态度，他们要求校长辞职，很多教授在表示与校长“共进退”，以示支持。如果学潮闹成真了，很多人的高薪教职就难保。裘利安的同事们正紧张着，日子不好过。中国大学生很不幸，政治精力没别的出路，不像剑桥政治活动，主义太多，学生就无法集体行动。在这里，他的工作倒是保险的，大家心里太乱，没人来注意他。他原是个喜欢社交的人，因为闵，他变得故意孤僻，尽量少参加社会活动，更不引起人关心。 第二天一早，仆人们出去后，裘利安等门钥匙转动，但是没有声音。他以为闵有事不能来了。这时，卧室门突然被推开，他光着身子，从床上跳起来，冲到门口，把一身凉气的闵拽进来，抱在怀里。 就在房门口，他把闵的外衣脱掉，非常惊奇她里面什么衣服也没穿，可能前几次都是这样，只不过他未发现而已。只套了一件旗袍，就这么从家里穿小路跑了过来，难怪她的身体仍是那么凉。明显她是省一秒钟好一秒钟。她的想法被看穿，脸害羞地红了。他抱起她上床，她赤裸的身子紧紧贴着他，她的乳头又出现了那种最迷人的凸起，嫩红中带一点赭褐。 这时，他闻到她的身体发出一种很奇怪的香味，淡淡的涌过来，他一闻见，立即就兴奋起来，他的手滑进她，那儿有同样奇怪的香味。那天他们的交合，又回到北京那种兴奋热烈。被子早被他们掀掉，也一点没觉得冷，一直到事完之后，他们才盖好被子，闭着眼睛抱在一起。这次她不愿意再看怀表——她根本就没有带来。 裘利安问闵：“你的身体怎么有一种气味，以前没有闻到过。” “用了香水。”闵简单地说，抱他更紧。 裘利安咬住她的耳朵说：“我绝不再相信你，我知道你，又在玩什么魔术。” 闵笑了，为了让他着急似的，稍稍过一会儿，才告诉他：这是母亲留给她的一种药，麝香。 他觉得不对，不是什么香料，只有她脱掉衣服裸体时，他才能闻到这种性刺激的香味。如果她只是用麝香沐浴了，然后跑过来，那不能解释为什么她越是性兴奋，香味越浓。香味浓郁时，他似乎像在北京鸦片馆里那样不能自已，性欲在血里潮涌沸腾。并且，他再也没有以往早晨偷情的那种危险不安的感觉，虽然还是注意时间，但已不干扰他们的享乐 她肯定没有说出全部秘诀，不过他暂时不想弄清楚，他知道他不会弄得清楚，即使说全了，他也不会弄得清楚。 在北京，那是特殊的局面。只是现在，他又失去控制，迷醉在她的肉体之中。两人关系继续不继续，仍是由不了他。 又一次欢乐之后，一个从来没有想到过的念头突然跳进他的头脑。 “会有孩子吗？” 裘利安扔出这句话来时，闵愣住了。“想要孩子？”闵反问一句。 "Why not?" “这样你就得和我结婚。我以为你是不愿谈这事的。”闵不无怨尤地说。 裘利安说：“好，好。”他本意是想问这是什么原因，不是问后果。他一向认为很能对付女人，无论怎么样的女人，被女人这么问时，既是考验也是调情，当然也是预防的必需。他笑了笑，问闵：“这么久为什么你没有怀孕呢？” “因为不必让你伤脑筋：结婚或是不结婚。” 裘利安被她的犀利刺了一下，很不舒服。他想知道她和郑为什么没有孩子。 “我只是问你怎么能控制住自己不怀孕？” “这是秘密。”闵也笑了笑。 有的女人迫使他在体外射精，那最后的抽出，要很大的毅力，很不舒服。闵在这个时候，从来不希望他离开一寸。 他说：“上帝不给孩子就不会有的。” 闵说，她知道他是在暗示她有不孕症。“不，不是这样。再讲一点秘密：我一向用麝香练房中术，现在已到了能自由阻止精子与卵子相遇。” 她说，就是那刻，裘利安感到她在咬紧他最舒服的地方。那就是“守宫法”，一旦放开，精子就会冲进去。 裘利安想，那感觉的确使他有种说不出的快感。 “同时，我真不愿意用这种方式逼你结婚。”闵说，“实际上没有用。哪怕怀了孕，你一甩手就跑回欧洲，我追你都追不上，追上也没意思，被迫的，你很快就会厌倦。那时我就只有死路一条，自杀了事。” 裘利安不想听下去，这是对他的自私最尖锐不过的指斥，而他完全不是那样自私的人！“让我们来做个孩子，你就会看到我将怎么行事！” 他热情洋溢，真的结婚，生个孩子。Why?但又为什么不呢，闵骤然揭开他们关系的全部简单谜底。把他搞昏了头。