Chapter 43 forty three

It was not the first time for Xiao Tong to experience the difficulty of drug rehabilitation, but this time the pain was extremely severe.There is no detoxification drug to be found here, neither alternative nor narcotic or auxiliary detoxification drugs at all.Xiaotong ignored the role of drugs in relieving pain, he just relied on his physical strength and will to contend with it.Also because of the sudden increase in oxygen consumption, his altitude sickness developed concurrently, and he suffocated on several occasions.All the pain did its best to give him unexpected attacks, disrupt his parry, and make him unconscious.In the end, the source of strength that supports his desperate resistance is the fantasy of sharing the future with Qingchun, and the well-known praise to the motherland.The speech that I have recited so many times accompanied by the Yellow River Concerto in the wind and waves often resounds in his ears and mind, making his suffering great and full of passion for sacrifice, allowing him to find his soul from the torture of the body moved.He thought that Ou Qingchun would love him if he knew about his silent struggle.She is a woman who loves being strong, adores being mature and likes to be deep.

At his most difficult time, Ouyang Lanlan asked Lao Huang and Jianjun to tie him up on the bed and let him moan, shout, cry, and curse.No one paid attention to him, sometimes when he was really making a scene, Ouyang Lanlan couldn't help running into the house to see him, seeing his tears and begging.He said that I will not quit, you can give me a puff of cigarette, if you give me a cigarette, I promise I will always listen to you, and I will do whatever you want me to do.Ouyang Lanlan put on a cold face and was unmoved. She said that you should persevere, you have already survived for this, and if you persevere, you will survive.In the end, she also said that she was tired and frivolous, so she simply stopped talking, and just sat beside him and watched him toss.He looked almost admiring his pain, and there was even a smug smile on his face.Xiao Tong suddenly became clear at that time, Ouyang Lanlan's expression made him understand her character at once.She is a lingering and cruel woman, who can compromise and be as weak as water, but is also full of domineering, passionate, persistent and ruthless deep in her heart.Pretending to be both.He bitterly thought, with such a family, such experience, and such a father, what can she learn!

She feeds him and feeds him deliciously burnt beef and mutton. He doesn't know whether it's out of disgust in his stomach or in his heart, but he shakes his head and refuses to eat it.Ouyang Lanlan had no choice but to persuade her left and right, and finally put the bowl on the table, and cursed: "Who the hell is begging you to eat or not!" She ate it by herself in front of him. Suck with relish.Xiao Tong turned his head away from looking at her.He missed Qingchun like a thousand arrows, and felt extremely lonely.In this corner of this unaccompanied foreign land, he was tied to the rope all day long, unable to move, enduring torture-like pain and desolation of heart, and he shed tears for himself.Once or twice he thought bitterly of his parents in Germany.They were probably so full that they almost forgot about his son.They still don't know what kind of changes their son has experienced in the past six months.He imagined that they were going to spend another vacation with their friendly German colleagues in the countryside on the outskirts of Munich.He knew that there were hills with green shade all year round, secluded woods, wet forest paths and wooden houses that appeared and disappeared on both sides of the path.At the foot of the mountain is a lake, in the deep blue lake there are often a few snow-white wild swans swimming, plowing out a small herringbone-shaped wave on the smooth mirror-like lake surface.Yes, he believed his parents were there at this time, taking leisurely walks, sitting on the log fishing pier by the lake, drinking sparkling beer, tearing up bread and throwing it into the lake, letting the wild swans foraging.They have always been full of love and humanity for small animals.Of course, they would think of him from time to time, discussing his studies in meetings, worrying that he would be seduced by some bad women.But that was just a moment, a very short topic, and it passed away after talking.From the one or two texts he had received in a long time from his mother, he knew that was the talk about him.

So he concentrated on one idea, that is, everything depends on himself, and he must persevere to the end.Because if he went back with poison, Qingchun and her orthodox father would not want him.He wants them to see that he has completely given up drugs, is a good person, and is a completely normal person! Four days later, he got up from the bed, dragged his weak body out of the house, and walked into the sunny yard.Perhaps because it is too close to the sun, the winter sun is as warm as spring.He looked up at the blue sky with his pale face up. For some reason, he suddenly wanted to let go of his hoarse throat and read aloud. He wanted to use up the last remaining strength in his body, and shouted to the sky sentence by sentence:

"For five thousand years, there are thousands of heroes. A strong man always has the desire to serve the country! The yellow sand wears golden armor in all battles, and he will never return if he does not break Loulan!" He paused for a while, looking at Boss Zhong's youngest daughter standing in the sun dazed in amazement, he smiled, and read softly to her: "This is the eternal spirit of every descendant of a dragon!" He felt that his whole body and mind had finally breathed out! A week later, he began to have an appetite, he was able to eat and go for a walk as usual, he could sleep well at night, and his physical strength was obviously recovering.He could even ride an old neighbor's horse and trot on the slope with his shoulders crooked.At night, he refused Ouyang Lanlan to touch him on the pretext that his body could no longer be exhausted, but he himself closed his eyes and thought about Qingchun in the dead of night.He had to have sex with Qingchun in fantasy almost every day, otherwise he couldn't fall asleep.But every time he "loves" with Qingchun, he will fall into a kind of spiritual emptiness and nothingness.So he often meets her in various romantic ways in his dreams.He dreamed that he went to Songhua Lake with her, riding a horse-drawn sledge, galloping with the whip amidst the sound of bells and laughter.There is no one on the lake, and the surrounding ice peaks and snow mountains belong only to them.He dreamed that they were going skiing on the mountain, chasing each other down the slopes at a high level like the pros.He also dreamed of nights when ice fishing was open.He and she pulled the net vigorously together, and the water came out from the net. The golden scales appeared, shining like the stars above their heads. They lost their center of gravity and slipped on the ice, and the fishermen around them laughed happily.Sometimes he would also dream of the clear and vast sky and the silver mountains, which of course are the unique snowy scenery in Tibet.He and Qingchun drove a jeep across the wilderness and lakes, with galloping wild horses in the distance, bulging woolen sacks beside them, and flocks of sheep wading across the river beach.The clouds in the sky were so white that they were so low that they could be touched.They saw the colorful prayer flags and splendid golden domes of the temple complex.They are at Shakyamuni like Tibetans on pilgrimage.The statues of Songtsan Gampo and Princess Wencheng prostrate themselves and worship.Xiao Tong couldn't afford to pray to the elders again and again, this kind of Tibetan-style worship was like doing exercises, which he found very interesting.Bibi got up, and Qingchun disappeared.He shouted loudly and searched the monastery, and saw Qingchun and Li Chunqiang walking away hand in hand.He tried his best to chase madly, and killed Ouyang Tian, ​​Huang Jianjun and Ouyang Lanlan on the way. They stopped him, with suspicion on their faces, and asked him where he had gone, did they go to inform?He categorically denied and tried to justify swearing and swearing.Unexpectedly, the female salesperson of the post office suddenly called his name unexpectedly.She handed over the secret letter that could not be sent, and said excitedly that I found the postal code for you. Have you found the RMB and you can mail it now.Xiao Tong's face was ashen, knowing that his death was approaching.Ouyang Tian grabbed the letter with his hands and read it, then slowly tore it up, and sprinkled the white pieces of paper into the air from the double eaves of the temple's roof.Then they tied up Xiao Tong, gave him drugs, injected heroin, watched him attack his drug addiction, hissed and screamed, and then lifted him up the cliff and threw him viciously into the barren valley... Xiao Tong yelled in the air , the soul has already left the body.He opened his eyes vigorously, under the butter lamp, Ouyang Lanlan was leaning over to look at him tenderly.

She wiped the sweat off his head with a towel and asked, "Did you have a nightmare?" He closed his eyes, trying to recover from his panic. She asked again, "What did you dream about?" He opened his eyes and said, "I dreamed that I was killed." She smiled in surprise: "There must be something wrong in your heart, why do you keep having this kind of dream, who wants to kill you?" He said, "You, and your father." She was even happier, and asked with great interest: "How did we kill you? With a gun or with a knife? I want to kill you, and I must let you die slowly. I like tormenting people the most. Did you dream that I cut you into pieces?"

"You used drugs, sucked me a lot of drugs, injected me with intravenous injections, injected a lot of heroin, and then left me in the valley, and I died." Ouyang Lanlan stopped her smile, threw the towel on his face forcefully, and said, "You're never finished! You're addicted to drugs, but old Yuan made a bad move. If you want to hold grudges, go to him. Don't talk to me. I'm really I regret spending so much effort to help you detoxify and feed you, I have thousands of good things for you, but you still can't see it!" Xiao Tong pulled the towel off his face, looked at the dark roof, and said coldly: "I don't need you to be nice to me."

Ouyang Lanlan was in a hurry, rushed forward, grabbed him and beat him, crying and cursing: "Xiao Tong, please explain clearly to me! You have won my favor and now you say there is no need, you heartless guy! Why are you bullying me like this!..." Xiao Tong wrestled with her forcefully, hitting each other with objects.Lao Huang and Jianjun rushed over when they heard the sound and refused to open the door, so they broke in and pulled them away.Ouyang Lanlan threw herself on the bed and wept silently, and Lao Huang kept persuading: "What are you doing, cats and dogs for a while, why are you still arguing like this? If you want to make a noise, move!" You can just move your mouth, why did you start to move your hands in the middle of the night?"

Seeing Ouyang Lanlan gnashing her teeth and crying non-stop, Jianjun grabbed Xiao Tong viciously and asked, "What did you do to her? Why do you always bully her, ah?" Xiao Tong struggled, tugging at each other and wrestling with Jianjun. He hated Jianjun's bandit-like posture, his non-local accent, and his virtue of always deliberately acting as a patron saint.But his current physical strength was no longer Jianjun's opponent, so he had to kick and bite crazily, and they didn't stop until Ouyang Tian appeared at the door. Ouyang Tian looked at them, looked at Lan Lan who was sobbing, and said in a low voice but majesticly:

"Go to sleep!" Jianjun got up from the ground, patted the dirt on his body, and left. Xiao Tong said viciously: "Jianjun, you fucking wait!" Jianjun turned around and gritted his teeth: "I'm waiting for you!" Lao Huang also went out, Ouyang Tian said to his daughter: "Sleep first, we will talk about it tomorrow." Then he closed the door for them.Xiao Tong felt that the unknown fire in his chest had been vented, he ignored Ouyang Lanlan, and fell asleep on the bed with his head covered, he didn't know what Ouyang Tian would say tomorrow! The next day, everyone got up, had dinner, and helped Boss Zhong with some work after dinner.business as usual.No one said anything except Jianjun and Xiao Tong who ignored each other like enemies.

Xiaotong dreams at night as usual, and makes love with Qingchun by imagination.But the content of the dream is no longer the past but the future.He dreamed of getting married.I dreamed of traveling abroad with Qingchun and her father.They went to Hong Kong, went to Victoria Peak to see the night view, went shopping in Pacific Place, went to Ocean Park to watch animal performances, and went to eat seafood on a boat...The mood after waking up from this kind of dream is the most desolate, only the black roof above the head and the wind of the plateau outside the window. So these beautiful dreams made him more irritable, irritable and moody, and quarreling with Ouyang Lanlan during the day became commonplace.Although he would still follow them out for a walk, he was indifferent to those strange folk customs near and far, and those mysterious famous temples and castles.The loneliness and unreasonable boredom of living like years are increasing day by day.He wanted to run away, he wanted to run away alone first.But just like before, when he thought of Qingchun's serious and questioning expression, he dismissed the idea.Moreover, the other people are unfamiliar, have no language skills, and are penniless (if you don’t count dollars), running in this wasteland village isolated from traffic is not an easy task. Ouyang Lanlan is a woman after all, her alpine reaction comes and goes.The symptoms of nausea and vomiting were even worse than when they first arrived.Once she got sick, Xiaotong couldn't quarrel with her if he wanted to take care of her.It was only when she was sick that she felt that Xiao Tong was still affectionate and righteous to her.He did everything he was supposed to do except that he remained reticent, and he fulfilled his duty by serving tea and rice.One day, Ouyang Tian and Boss Zhong took her to a distant place to see a doctor, and they didn't come back until dusk.When she came back, Ouyang Lanlan was talking and laughing, her mood suddenly became quite good, but Ouyang Tian's expression was gloomy and gloomy. After dinner, Ouyang Tian asked Boss Zhong to sit in the living room downstairs to discuss something.Lao Huang and Jianjun went back to their room to play a new Tibetan card game under the oil lamp.Xiao Tong and Ouyang Lanlan returned to the house, Xiao Tong asked: "You go today, the doctor said what is the disease, isn't it a terminal illness?" Ouyang Lanlan gave him a greasy smile and said, "If I am really terminally ill, do you still want me?" "I didn't say I want you now." "You don't want me, why did you play with me?" Xiao Tong said angrily, "You are me! I don't want to play with you yet!" Ouyang Lanlan was panting with anger: "Xiao Tong, are you still a man, are you a man? You've turned your face and denied you when you're comfortable after playing! Why was I so obsessed and didn't see through you at the beginning!" Xiao Tong said: "Okay. Now that you have seen it through, don't like me anymore, and I won't play with you anymore. Let's settle the matter today!" Ouyang Lanlan reached out and gave Xiao Tong a loud slap in the face, Xiao Tong waved his hand, Ouyang Lanlan screamed and cried.Xiao Tong just waved it, but didn't hit it.He opened the door and strode out of the room. Behind him, Ouyang Lanlan burst into tears.Xiao Tong ignored her and walked downstairs with a bang on the wooden stairs.Downstairs Ouyang Tian was discussing something with Boss Zhong, when he saw him rushing down the stairs angrily, he stood up and asked with a straight face: "Xiao Tong, why do you still quarrel with her at this time?" Ouyang Tian's attitude of blatantly protecting his daughter made Xiao Tong very conflicted.He walked towards the door without answering, trying to get out of the suffocating house.Ouyang Tian stopped him and said sharply: "Didn't you hear her crying? You should comfort her at this time!" Xiao Tong stopped, and he asked, "What's wrong with her?" Ouyang Tian was stunned for a moment, then said: "Let her talk to you by herself!" Xiao Tong protested against Ouyang Tian: "She doesn't tell me what disease she has, she threatens me with her disease. I can take care of her when she is sick, but why does she threaten me with this? It's not me that she is sick Caused!" Ouyang Tian slapped Xiao Tong staggeringly, and cursed: "Who the hell are you talking to! The child in her belly was not made by you!" This slap woke Xiao Tong up, and he was dumbfounded by this sentence, and his heart suddenly became confused.Ouyang Tian pointed to his nose and said: "Either, you have the ability to persuade her to beat the child. Or you can serve her well and let her happily give birth to the child for you. If you bully her again during this period, Be careful I'll beat you! You're about to become a father, you don't even know how to love your own woman, and you know a little bit about human affairs!" Xiao Tong couldn't remember how he walked back upstairs with heavy and chaotic steps.Knowing that he was back, Ouyang Lanlan ignored him and continued to sob on the bed.He approached her in a whisper, and said, "Why didn't you say it earlier..." After saying this, he was speechless.His mood was not joyful at all, on the contrary, it was extremely bad.He thought that maybe there was an inescapable bond between him and Ouyang Lanlan. He went through all kinds of hardships and tried his best to escape, but in the end, he got deeper and deeper by mistake. He thought desperately of this How should I explain to Qingchun, how should I explain to her! Ouyang Lanlan cried and threw herself into his arms, he couldn't help hugging her and stroking her to express comfort.Her tears wet his face, and he couldn't avoid it and was instantly confused.She said I love you Xiao Tong, we finally have our own child.I was teasing you just now, I am really happy that I am pregnant with your child. Xiao Tong put his arms around her uncomfortably, and said: "But, but, it's not convenient for us to have a child now, let's beat this child first, later, later, later..., anyway, we They're still young." Ouyang Lanlan looked at him in surprise, "Why do you want to beat him like my dad? This is your child, do you know? It's yours! Don't you want him at all? Beat him Don't you feel sorry for him?" Xiao Tong said: "Really Lan Lan, I am here for you, and for everyone. Isn't everyone running for their lives now? It is impossible to live here for too long, and no one knows where to go in the future. A life of nomadism cannot drag a child down." Ouyang Lanlan stared at him and asked: "What are you afraid of? Are you afraid of dragging you down or me? I really love you so I gave birth to him. You have to let me beat you, do you want to dump him in the future? I'm more convenient?" Xiao Tong said, "No." "It doesn't matter. If you dump me in the future and you have another love, I will raise this child by myself. He can also be regarded as a witness for the two of us. Let him be this kind of illegitimate child who has a mother but no father. Anyway, I am Don't be afraid of embarrassment. The child may be more prosperous because of this in the future!" Xiao Tong was speechless, he knew it was too late to say anything.He was destined to hold on to this woman to death.He faintly felt that the hope that he had always dreamed of, the fantasy of gaining and losing, and the kind of confidence that was lost and regained, began to really die in his heart. From this day on he seemed to lose his mental support.To be in a state of confusion like a man without faith.Although everyone does not want Ouyang Lanlan to beat the child, everyone understands that it is wishful thinking to persuade her based on Ouyang Lanlan's personality.Everyone showed her a hundredfold love and care for her.Everyone cast congratulatory and jealous eyes on Xiao Tong, as if he was the happiest and luckiest person in the world, as if everything he did to take care of Lan Lan was for himself . It seems that only Jianjun can see his frequent daze and incoherent speech.For some unknown reason, he took the initiative to talk to Xiao Tong for the first time.That day the two of them were sitting under the wall in the yard basking in the sun, listening to Boss Zhong’s youngest daughter’s tape recorder playing a pop song they had never heard before. The beauty lies in its simplicity and simplicity, so simple that it is just a boy's innocent mood - "...the most romantic thing I can think of is to grow old with you..." This line of lyrics actually made Xiao Tong sing I was heartbroken and burst into tears.Jianjun asked, why are you crying?What are you thinking?He didn't speak, wiped away his tears, he didn't understand why he was so fragile. Jianjun accosted him again and asked, "That thing, are you still smoking it?" Xiao Tong said, "Stop smoking." Jianjun said: "You're so good, don't you even remember the taste?" Xiao Tong lowered his head, as if avoiding the glaring sunshine on the plateau, he didn't answer. Jianjun smiled provocatively: "You really don't smoke?" Xiao Tong said: "I really don't smoke anymore." After being silent for a long time, he glanced at him and asked: "Do you have any?" Jianjun threw something into his arms, then stood up and patted his buttocks and left.Xiao Tong looked at the thing in his arms, which shone dazzlingly under the direct sunlight.When the light was removed, what he saw was the familiar golden cigarette case. That night he heard Ouyang Lanlan arguing with Jianjun downstairs, scolding Jianjun for killing without blood.Jianjun occasionally explained coldly that he had to do it himself. Now that he is a father and son, how dare I not give it to him when he is so big.But his voice was repeatedly suppressed by Ouyang Lanlan's hysterical scolding and threats, and old Huang's persuasion came from time to time.Xiao Tong sat alone upstairs, facing the oil lamp and slowly finished a bottle of heroin.His tears rolled down unconsciously.At this time, he hated no one but himself.His depravity, failure and disillusionment are all self-inflicted, all because of his own fragility and impermanence.His hopes during the day and his dreams at night gradually moved away from him.He didn't chase anymore because he was tired.He didn't want to move, and numbly listened to Ouyang Lanlan's shrill cry from downstairs: "Jianjun, if you destroy him, you will destroy me. I will make you regret it sooner or later! Don't be pretty now, wait until we go out!"