I am getting married. I am twenty-four, the same age as the bride.The bride is Bei Bei, who is very rich and looks good. The last week before the wedding was full of excitement and exhaustion. There were so many relatives and friends in Beibei's family. My schedule was filled with endless receptions, formalities and self-introductions like exams.Those who congratulated, gave gifts, and came to see the groom were lined up next to each other like shopping.Beibei's parents took the trouble to introduce me, a stranger from mainland China, to their entire family and their upper-class circle.And the phone.The phone kept ringing, with "Congratulations" from Seattle, San Francisco, Chicago, and Vancouver and Toronto.Perhaps only the marriage of children can best see the influence and foundation of this family in the entire North American Chinese society.This influence and foundation are created by history and cannot be achieved quickly, so it is also something to be proud of.Beibei is already the fourth generation of immigrants in this family.

The wedding will be held in the most famous church in Billy Hills, Los Angeles. Many people are busy with this wedding, and they can't help but be overjoyed, especially the bride, Beibei.It can be seen that Beibei before the wedding was the happiest girl in the world. And me? I should be happy, in this flashy house so much attention, so many people are busy planning churches for me, booking wedding banquets in restaurants, looking for designers to make clothes, looking for photographers to shoot movies, inside the house The presents are piled up into hills, and someone specially registers them... I know, all of this is something I have never enjoyed before, it is my happiness!

Of course, these are not the things I should be most happy with. Beibei’s black nanny from Ethiopia, Mrs. Maris, told me that all these are nothing. I'm going to sing "karaoke" at the immigration officer soon!Mrs. Maris has worked in this Chinese family for 20 years. She can not only speak Mandarin with a Taiwanese accent fluently, but also has a familiar knowledge of the customs and habits of Chinese society and everything they love to see.But what makes me, the purest Chinese, feel inexplicable is, is it a blessing to sing karaoke? "Of course! Just go to the immigration office to sing the national anthem of the United States, and treat it as karaoke." After living here for the first half year, the Immigration Bureau will notify you to sing, because you married an American citizen as a wife!"

I deliberately said indifferently: "What's so good about being an American citizen!" In fact, I clearly know that this is the dream destination of every foreign immigrant here, but I have to show such a cold look. "Of course." Mrs. Maris exclaimed exaggeratedly, "America, what a wonderful place! The United States is very partial to its citizens, very protective, laws, welfare, everything is taken care of. of." I said lightly: "Okay, if you sing the Star-Spangled Banner that never falls, you will be able to get an American passport. If you take an American passport, you will be taken care of by the United States. Of course I have no objection."

"Also," Mrs. Mariss told me seriously and responsibly, "it's not just about singing, the immigration officer will ask you some questions, but they are easy to answer. He will ask you: Do you like this country? Do you like it?" Just answer: I like it, of course I like it, what a great country this is. He will ask you again: Are you willing to contribute to this country? You answer: Oh! Do my best. In short, you answer what he asks, and then Then you can take the oath, sing, and after singing, you are an American citizen!" Yes, because I am marrying Beibei, I will easily become an American citizen, which is not only happiness, but, almost, luck.So, I put on a smile, an expression of excitement and gratitude, and a look of happiness in this home.I want to make Beibei and her parents who love her happy, and I don't want to disappoint and disappoint everyone in the family, including Mrs. Maris.

Even so, one morning when the wedding was approaching, in the garden, Beibei still asked me suspiciously: "Are you unhappy, are you unhappy, are you tired?" I said, "No." I hugged Beibei, trying to cover up the emptiness in my heart with the tenderness of my body, Beibei asked: "Then what's wrong with you?" I don't know what's wrong with me, in the best moment of my life, I have no enthusiasm. I don't have a family member here, nor a familiar friend.Except for Beibei, everything here makes me feel alienated and strange, including her parents.

Bei Bei said, "You must be tired. Why don't we get out of here and come back next week, where would you like to go? Las Vegas? Want to gamble on your luck? Or let's go farther and go to How about Hawaii? Find a quiet beach, just the two of us..." quiet beach? I nodded and said: OK. quiet beach... I expected that I would inevitably meet the dream I had been avoiding, on that quiet beach. This family is well aware of Beibei's waywardness, so someone booked our tickets for us that day and took us to the airport.From Los Angeles to Hawaii, we will do a seven-hour crossing over the Pacific Ocean.

It was the winter of 2000, the eve of the first Chinese New Year of the new millennium. But here, in Hawaii, it is full of summer palm trees, dazzling sunshine, blue sea and hot sandy beaches. Beibei has obviously been to this hotel in Hawaii and is very familiar with everything.It is away from the city and every room faces the sea.In the early morning, I stood on the curved balcony and watched a lone seagull slip crookedly under my feet.Beibei was still sound asleep on the bed, which gave me a moment of real meditation, and I began to chew last night's dream carefully, greedily, and hungrily.

——Is that you, An Xin?are you laughingThe background of this dream was so hazy that I couldn't figure out where we were, where did we have such a good laugh?In the cheerful atmosphere and jumping rhythm, your face is extremely blurred, even faintly visible, but I know that it is you, and you are peace of mind. Where are you?do you remember me For three consecutive days, that beautiful dream always came as expected.I insist on going to bed early every day just to wait for it to come.Every morning, as soon as the sun jumped out of the opposite sea level, I couldn't wait to wake up, and quietly ran to the balcony to gaze at the calm sea and one or two stray seagulls.That beautiful dream made my heart feel like a knife.

During the day, I no longer go to the beach to swim, do not want to eat, lie in bed all day, like a sick person. Beibei asked: "What's the matter with you?" I said, "It's okay." In the evening, in the open-air restaurant next to the sea, facing an orange glass candle lamp, we ate dinner boringly.The sea is invisible and pitch black, and one can only imagine its vastness through the sound of the waves from far and near.Except for the sound of the sea, everything around seemed to be still.Beibei's face was in the dark, a little flickering, and the beating candlelight condensed into her pair of puzzled and annoyed eyes.

Beibei asked: "What the hell are you thinking, why didn't you tell me?" I looked up and looked at her through the candlelight.Xing said, "I want to go back, to China." Beibei didn't answer for a long time, of course she heard it. My tone and expression clearly told her that something was going to happen.But she still collected herself. "You miss your dad? Okay, I'll go back with you." I lowered my head, as if I had committed a crime: "Beibei, I'm in a mess, I don't want to get married in such a hurry. We are still young." Beibei fell silent, she must have understood what I meant, otherwise why would she be silent, why didn't she ask a question or condemn her.This silence is more uncomfortable than harsh questioning and angry condemnation.Finally, she stood up from the dining table and left alone. She said, "Go talk to my parents." Beibei's parents are people of status, as well as knowledgeable and educated people.Moreover, I know how important their face is in the Chinese circle.They have so many relatives and friends, who doesn't know that one of their precious daughter's feet has stepped into the threshold of the bridal chamber? We walked back to Los Angeles from Hawaii, barely speaking a word.As strange and polite as the passers-by. When talking with Beibei's parents, my head was always bowed.I'm sorry for them, sorry for Babe.Beibei's father was very serious. He silently listened to my oversimplified statement, and his answer was even more palpitatingly simple. "Okay, we respect your idea of ​​not wanting to get married now, but you should say this earlier. As a man, I hope you can take responsibility for your decisions and other people you have relationships with in the future .” His attitude was serious, one might even say angry.After he finished speaking, he stood up from the sofa and walked out the door. Beibei's mother didn't leave, she was still sitting face to face with me.I lowered my head but I could feel her gaze, which was always gentle and full of doubts and reproaches. "Can you tell me why?" she asked. I can't answer. She asked again: "You don't really love Beibei, do you?" I lowered my head even more, looked at the mother facelessly, and said, "Forgive me, there is always someone in my heart. She left me, and I want to go back to find her." "Then why did you come to America with Bei Bei?" I am speechless. Beibei's mother also stood up and said, "You hurt Beibei, Mr. Yang, you hurt our whole family, you should be ashamed of your actions!"