Chapter 10 chapter Ten

She went to wash her face and rinse her mouth, and then sat in front of her sister-in-law's dressing table to straighten her face.Then she went out. She saw her son and nephew playing basketball in the playground. She smiled at her son and quickly walked out of the school.The sun was shining brightly on the street, Changsha in April was fresh and bright, and the spring breeze passed through the streets and alleys, passing over her face.She took a few breaths of refreshing air, boarded a Xiali taxi, and came to Dali's house again.She knocked on the door again, over and over again, and called out the bitter-faced man opposite the door. Seeing that it was her, the bitter-melon-faced man closed the door again.She went downstairs, and this time she didn't stand under the camphor tree, but stood between this building and the other two buildings, so that she could see all directions.She stood there for a whole morning, so that some people felt that she was acting suspiciously and watched her actions instead, and she left in frustration.She went back to her brother's house again, and took a nap after lunch, and she slept soundly. She dreamed that she was a female eagle flying over a vast grassland, and she flew to a village , the village was empty, there was no one there, only chickens and dogs roaming around the house. Later, she flew to a big temple, only to find that all the men, women and children in the village were kneeling in the temple to pray for God. It turned out that there were three people in this village It hasn't rained for a month... She woke up when her son touched her nose with a brush. The son laughed at her and said, "You are still sleeping, you have to eat." She got up, stretched herself, walked to the window, the sky A sunset, a few pigeons flitting across the sky.The younger brother said, "You slept all afternoon."

"I just dreamed that I was transformed into a beautiful eagle," she said. "Dad called and I said Mom was sleeping," said the son. She went to the sister-in-law's dressing table to comb her hair, and the son said, "Dad will come to dinner later." She became alert, and she took a look at her son in the mirror. His face was very similar to Tian Sheng, but his facial features were a bit like hers, especially the nose and lips, which were the replica of her nose and lips.She said, "I'm not having dinner at my uncle's, I'm going out." "What is it?" asked the son.

"Mom has something to do," she said. After she packed herself up, she went out.She ate a bowl of beef noodles in a small restaurant, and then took a taxi to the building where Dali lived. At this time, it was already dark, and only the windows of Dali's house were dark in the whole building.Where did he go?She looked at the dark window with a face full of disappointment and thought.She seemed to feel a fishy smell coming from that dark window, it was the smell of Dali's body, it was faint, like the smell of the sea breeze, and it smelled very good.In Zhuhai, Dali's body smell was not so strong, because the sea breeze replaced his body smell.At this moment, her mind is full of their happiness in Zhuhai, and she feels that they are like two carefree sea lions, frolicking and playing on the beach under the blue sky, bathing in the sunshine of Zhuhai, that is from nine o'clock in the morning to the afternoon The sun at five o'clock, the sun is mixed with the fishy smell of the sea breeze, the fragrance of flowers and seaside plants, and sometimes there is a smell of retting soil in this fragrant air.She went to a small shop and called Fang Wei's cell phone.Fang Wei said: "Come on, come on, come on, it happens that three are missing and one is missing."

She said, "Dali contacted you today, did you..." "No. He's missing?" Fang Wei said with a smile on the other end of the phone, "Why are you so concerned about him? He's a big man, what is there to worry about. Come, come. We'll wait for you, Xiaoli is here. " She went, and that night she spent a night at Fang Wei's house.She has no intention of playing mahjong, but she needs someone to play with her, otherwise she thinks she is going crazy.Her brain was already tense beyond measure.She didn't care about losing money and winning money, but instead she "tie" a lot of games. She always played for herself, and the general also played for herself, and the little seven pairs also played three or four games for themselves.She doesn't enjoy winning money, she just feels lonely, and they can take away her loneliness.Fang Wei also won a little bit, her golden hands are always invincible, and the basic law of success in love and failure in casinos is misplaced for Fang Wei.She is an unnatural being, so the laws are rubble on her.Xiaoli and another woman lost so badly that they all played cards with green faces, so that Deng Ying felt that the relationship with the masses would drop sharply if there were too many cards.A table of cards was played until two o'clock in the middle of the night, and Xiaoli and another woman left, and it was Xiaoli's boyfriend who drove to pick her up.

Deng Ying stayed, she had nowhere to go now, she didn't want to go back to her home, her brother's school was closed again, so she stayed at Fang Wei's home. "I don't know where Dali has been these few days." She called Dali's family, but no one answered, she thought about it. "I guess he might not be in Changsha," Fang Wei said to her who was standing by the phone, "I called him more than 20 phone calls for you, but he didn't reply, so it can be seen that he is not in Changsha." "But no, he should have told me." She said suspiciously.

At the same time, Dali is also thinking about her, but his thoughts are mainly based on life and hands.He felt that he was in trouble now, his life or his hands were in danger, her husband was going to fuck him, that strange man was going to kill him now, he thought carefully for two God, he didn't think he deserved to die or lose two hands for her.He's only thirty-six... He thinks he needs to focus on his own life.He felt that he was hiding at his sister's house like a timid dog, and he looked down on himself a little bit.After all, I have also been on the Sino-Vietnamese battlefield, he thought, I am not her husband, but I should end this dangerous state as soon as possible.

He stayed at his sister's house for three days, using the excuse that he was too tired from insurance and wanted to rest at his sister's house.He read martial arts novels for three days, and he was nourished by Jin Yong's fictional chivalrous stories. He felt that he was that Linghu Chong, the hero who had mastered the sword technique of Dugu Qiubai.On the afternoon of the fourth day, he went to Brother Zhi's house. There were swords and swords in Brother Zhi's house, which was related to his enthusiasm for boxing.Hanging on the wall are a sword, a nine-section whip, and a shiny big knife. This big knife has not been sharpened, and it was played by Brother Zhi when he was practicing martial arts a few years ago.When he saw the big knife, his eyes lit up and he said, "Brother Zhi, can you lend me this big knife to show me your courage?"

Brother Zhi smiled: "Take it." He held the big knife in his hand, and his courage came up.He thought that if he met those men who wanted to fuck him, he would be able to defend himself.At around nine o'clock in the evening, he left Brother Zhi's house with a big knife in his hand, and his heart was no longer so empty.He got into a taxi, and the taxi driver was startled when he saw a big knife in his hand, thinking he was robbing.He wanted to laugh in his heart, he saw the power of the weapon from the taxi driver's expression.When the taxi drove to the building where he lived, he first looked around behind the window glass, but he didn't find any strange men waiting nearby, so he got out of the car, holding the big knife nervously, with a look on his face. Face walked forward vigilantly.Out of the corner of his eye, he saw a figure coming hurriedly from the dark side, his hand holding the knife became more tense, and his eyes immediately cast on the other person, he recognized it was Deng Ying, he had been thinking about it for the past few days go woman. "Dali." She called him.

He looked around vigorously, and said, "It's you." A tone of relief. She looked at him with an anxious and intimate look. "What are you doing with a big knife?" "It's not to deal with your husband." He said frankly, "Your husband said he wanted to cut off my hand. I have to be prepared. I can't just let your husband cut off my hand." She interrupted him: "You don't know your husband, your husband is so nice?" They went upstairs, and he hadn't been back to this room for four days. As soon as he opened the door, a sense of intimacy that he hadn't seen for a long time rushed to his face.He felt a sense of relief in his heart, feeling that this world was still his world.He dragged her into the bedroom, and the copy machine was thrown beside the pillow. "I didn't lie to you, didn't you believe it?" When they went upstairs, she asked him why he didn't return her copy machine, and he said he didn't bring it, but she didn't believe it. "I've been to the countryside for a few days, fishing and hunting birds every day," he added.

"Fishing and hunting birds every day, such a fun thing, why don't you call me?" She looked at him in confusion. "How dare I call you? I'm afraid your husband will call you." He lied. They sat down, he on the bed, she on a folding armchair.She glanced out of the window, and there was someone learning English from outside the window.She turned her face to look at him, and he smiled at her, "I haven't seen you for a long time." "You remember me when you fish and hunt birds?" He didn't show much enthusiasm, he just said, "Remember."

She hoped that he would not only say "remember", she hoped that he would say more, that he would hold her in his arms like in Zhuhai, or lay down in her arms like a big cat.But this is not Zhuhai anymore, and he is not a cat, this is Changsha. Although we separated for only a few days, the relationship is not as strong as it was in Zhuhai.Everything in Zhuhai is still vivid in her mind at this moment, and every scene has been sublimated into a poem of love. Two carefree sika deer are running on the seashore with the fragrance of roses. A fishy smell caressed their faces.Now, when she looked at him, she felt that his eyes were not as electric as before, and the smell on his body was not the nice fishy smell, but a smell that she couldn't feel, a bit like The smell of orange juice is sour.Under her gaze, he turned his face away, whistled, and played the popular song "Water of Forgetfulness". "I'm going crazy these days," she said. "What's up?" he asked her, stopping whistling, pulling a cigarette from his pocket and lighting it. "Can you stop smoking?" She was concerned about his health. "Smoking is my personal business," he said. He didn't say this kind of expression of personal will before. When she said that in Zhuhai, he would quickly blow out the cigarette and even say "yes", but now he doesn't care about her concern. , she obviously felt that her proportion in his heart was out of balance, as if a ball of gold had been exchanged for a ball of brass, making it lighter.She replied to him: "If you don't call me back, you can think about whether I'm in a hurry or not." "What's the rush?" He said, looking at her, "I'm not a child of a certain age." "You are going to the country to play, and you have to call me." She said emphatically, "I thought something happened to you." "I didn't have time, my brother-in-law..." She listened to his explanation, she looked at his expression, his eyes were a little hesitant and troubled, she could see that he was a little uneasy.Love is sensitive and cannot be deceived. Everything can be deceived, but love cannot be deceived.Love is experienced with the heart, and the heart cannot deceive itself.she says. "I see you've changed." "I haven't changed, I've always been like this," he said, looking at his watch and smiling. She felt that the smile on his face was fake, and it smelled a little sticky, as if it was painted on, and could be wiped off with the palm of her hand at any time.So she speculates that his love is also fake.His love was not as real as hers.He actually looked at his watch, why?He lit another cigarette, and within three minutes of finishing one cigarette, he lit another cigarette.She felt that his heart was not on her.But on another matter.She said, "What do you think?" "I didn't think about anything." She fell silent.He refused her, and he answered everything she said with very simple words, not like a conversation between lovers, not even a conversation between friends, but a tone of estrangement.She felt that he was intimidated by her husband, who had driven him out of his wits with just one phone call.What about his manly courage?Hasn't he been on the battlefield?What about the soldier who charged in the face of the enemy's guns?She remembered him saying they were preps, and he hadn't been in a single battle.She had doubts about the love she pursued. And she saw a lone goat wandering around a deserted island in her mind, bleating.I can't be a sika deer, she thought, and said, "Dali, I've been staying at my brother's house for the past few days, and I want to divorce him." She just said this, but he immediately said something. Baskets.He said: "Actually..." He saw that she was looking at him and wanted to hear the following, so he changed his expression indifferently, "Actually, I don't think it's necessary. It's fine for you to do this, if your husband refuses to divorce, there is no need Rushing to get a divorce is going to be an unnecessary mess, I feel. You know your husband is a drug addict, a deranged guy, and he's up to anything." His words confirmed what she felt in her heart.Everything he said changed.She suddenly wanted to laugh, and she felt that everything she had paid for it was funny and laughed out loud. He blushed for himself and looked at her, "What are you laughing at?" "I laughed at myself for being so stupid," she said. What else?Enough, enough, she thought she was too stupid, she was too fanciful.Her life is a pool of sand, her love is made of paper, which can be blown away by a gust of wind, but she actually wants to hug this piece of paper desperately.She didn't know how she got back to the school where her brother was. The guard opened the door for her, but when she came back, it was past closing time.She looked so devastated that she even forgot to say "thank you" to the doorman.The school was peaceful, it was already late at night, maybe it was twelve o'clock, maybe it was one o'clock in the morning, it didn't matter, the important thing was that her mind was still in chaos.A small light was turned on in the living room of her younger brother's house, and she had already reached the door of her brother's house, but she walked away again at the end.She wanted to go for a walk, to clear her head, which was so swollen that it seemed to be stuffed with sawdust, and there was no room left.The campus is quiet and quiet, except for the moonlight, the dark trees, a few dark teaching buildings and office buildings, the rest is myself.The April night is full of freshness, and the wind seems to blow from the gray-blue sky, bringing some coolness.She was still thinking about the moment she broke up with him, and he said to her with a sorry face: "I'm going to Xiangtan tomorrow, and I won't be back in a few days. My sister wants me to go to something." She believed this was an excuse, and he was afraid that her husband would make trouble for him.She said, "Then you go." He didn't even dare to kiss her again, they just hugged casually and he walked away.Even so, she didn't hate him.She finally tasted the taste of a lover in this life, without his appearance, she would not have this strong experience of being tortured by love.This experience burns me like a stove.she thinks.She felt she had nothing to complain about.She walked to a pool, which was a rectangular pool with a rockery. There were several stone benches beside the pool, and she sat down on one of the stone benches.She looked at the rockery in front of her, and then at the trees in front of her, and her eyes were suddenly attracted by the clear water like a mirror.A full moon like a jade plate is reflected in the water, and there are several circles of red, yellow, blue, and green colors around the moon. This is the halo.She moved her eyes from the water to the sky, and then she noticed that the peaceful sky is very beautiful, the round moon hangs in the blue sky, and several colors of red, yellow, blue and green surround the moon.She had never seen such a phase of the moon, and she was fascinated, and she stared at the moon.Does she think this is a revelation to me?I have never found what I want. I thought my love touched Dali, but in fact it only touched me. How can I touch others?He has his life pattern, he exists in his self-awareness, once a conflict arises, or even just showing signs of conflict, he hides in his ego center, and the proportion of her in that "ego center" is So light, maybe it's just a floating cloud, maybe it's not even a floating cloud.she thinks.Her eyes moved to the pool again, the water remained motionless, she picked up a small stone and threw it into the water, immediately there were circles of ripples on the surface of the water, the full moon shattered and shook, and then the surface of the water returned to calm, The moon is again a disk surrounded by several colors.In the distance came the whining of a ship and the sound of a car passing by. After these two sounds disappeared, the world was peaceful again.She remembered a Zen gatha that her younger brother talked about on the fourth page of "Changsha Evening News", which said: I cry when I dream, but I don't smile when I wake up.Where is greed, hatred and ignorance, just self-observation.She felt amused and smiled again, she felt that her brain was no longer swollen, and she felt that she could face her future like this moonlit night... She sat on this stone bench for a long time, she Feeling that any good thing in the world is just a flash in the pan, followed by troubles and a vast night, you will never catch what you are looking for, and disappointment will always wait for you... The sky is twilight, and she sees the dawn from the thin A line of yellow and yellow came out of the clouds, dispelling the long night, and then a few streaks of yellow shot out from the clouds, making the night even lighter.An eagle circled in the morning light, flying in and out of the clouds.The whole sky belongs to it, and it soars freely in the sky.She stared at it obsessively. I should be this eagle, she thought.The younger brother was awakened by the sound of her coming back, and the younger brother had the habit of getting up early.The younger brother noticed that his sister's face was very pale, as white as paper, and very tired, so he invited her to stay up all night. "You didn't sleep last night?" She answered her brother, "I saw an eagle." The younger brother watched the expression on the elder sister's face, and felt that the expression on the older sister's face was a bit weird.Then, he moved his eyes to his sister's hair, and he found a strand of hair on her forehead that was gray. He found the strange reason, and said in surprise, "Sister, your lock of hair is gray." She didn't look worried about her sister. Deng Ying didn't panic, she went to the mirror and took a look, she saw a lock of finger-thick hair on her right forehead that was completely white, curving back around her skull, like a white belt wrapped around her head.She touched it and didn't seem to care at all. "It's white, it's white, my sister is also forty years old." She fell asleep, she slept peacefully.At noon, when my younger brother walked into the study and woke her up to eat, he found that her face had returned to rosy in sleep, as if a layer of light was shining on her face.The younger brother said; "Sister, it's time to eat." "Oh," she woke up, "I had a good dream." "What dream?" her brother asked her. She recalled that dream and looked at her younger brother, "I dreamed that my hair was all shaved and I became a nun." The younger brother smiled, "What kind of dream is this?" She sat like this for the whole afternoon, staring at the blue sky like this.She imagined that she became an eagle, soaring in the blue sky, flying wherever she wanted, and there were shadows cast by her wings everywhere, and no beautiful place could keep her, because she was a flying bird. The beautiful female eagle, she is born, she is a divine being.On the wall of my younger brother’s study, there is a handwriting of my younger brother. My younger brother has been good at writing calligraphy since he was a child. The calligraphy is a Zen verse that my younger brother likes very much. Deeper, exhausted and nowhere to look, but I can hear the cicadas singing in the evening of maple trees.She once asked her younger brother what this verse meant. The younger brother said that some people who seek the Tao often seek far away, throw away their true self, and pursue the so-called better things. In fact, there are no better things in this world. Those who seek the Tao think that there is, but they are getting farther and farther away from the essence of life. "In fact, the essence of life is the ego. The ego has never been lost. How can there be any need to seek it? But those who seek the Tao think that there must be something better waiting for them to find." The younger brother said.She looked at the gatha written on the rice paper, and thought about what she had learned from talking with her younger brother. She wanted to raise her face and laugh out loud, and she laughed. A few days later, she disappeared without saying anything to anyone, and no one knew where she had gone.Everyone was looking for her to find out her whereabouts, and her husband even ran to her brother to ask for someone, threatening her brother viciously, saying that he hid her sister.A whole year has passed, and her husband, her younger brother, and her friends have not heard from her...