Chapter 38 house

in berlin (1) Walking down the avenue is a quiet residential area with lakes and birch trees.Scaly tiles loom among the trees, and imposing columns support those towers.Occasionally, one or two people basking in the sun can be seen, but most of the time, the garden is silent.Only the dog was on the other side of the bars, whining and barking.The last time I saw the sprinkling of winter jasmine flowers, now they are all blooming brightly, one by one, which makes people's hearts move. There are winter jasmine everywhere, in our mountains, islands, and in Beijing. In 1973 I was waiting for a bus in Jinan, and felt that the air had suddenly become warmer, and I felt uneasy.Coming down from Qianfo Mountain, I saw clusters of winter jasmine flowers that seemed to be sprayed out.So dry and mild land, there is water gurgling on the other side of the road.At that time I just started to learn to draw.On the mountain, there is no Buddha statue.The temples are all closed, only a small yard without a gate is covered with weeds and stone walls, and there is a rusted crank handle in the middle of the yard. It is a well with unfathomable depths.

I sat on the stone steps at the door and looked into the distance.I didn't draw anything, that day, I just thought I would have a home, on a hill, with a stone wall, with a hundred steps, away from the villages and towns, and no one's shadow cast on my land.Stone by stone I will build my walls, my battlements and batteries, my winding dark passages.Every narrow perforation can see the jungle below the mountain, the river, the ferry, and the crowd returning from the market.No one can enter this castle. Behind the castle is the jungle, the hillsides are covered with leaves, and the dark red houses are hung with curtains.Here the parapet becomes fluid, winding its way up the hillside to the tower at the top of the hill.

There was a weathervane, a bell, and several black birds flying around.I looked at the earth covered in spring, but didn't paint. Ray, what are you doing?I started to learn painting, you go to middle school in Shanghai, you are fifteen years old.Yinger was her class monitor at Chenggen Primary School in Beijing and criticized Kong Er Er.In 1973, she was really criticizing Confucius. Brick by brick, I was thinking about Yinger after school. She was tired when she was the class monitor, she was very upright at that time, and she always felt that the boy was messing around. Just walk like this, and you can see the bridge after passing the birch forest.The half-man, half-lion woman was carved into the image of a lady.The face is solemn, the breasts are round, but there are thick claws, which are black with smoke.You find it unbearable.It was made of several stones, with stucco joints, and such a solemn woman came to lie on the bridge with her tail coiled.

The water reflected the houses in the distance, red, white and white, with dark blue spires.In the past, I would have liked it and wanted to build such a castle or arch, but now my heart is light.Take a look, you can take a look.To have money means to have a lot of money. Ray, you said it well: "Water waves sloshing in the dock." Ray, you said it well.I know you like that, even the docks are lace, and there's water in them, rippling. We read pictorials together in Beijing, together with Xiaonan.And Yinger.Look behind the white fence, the cherry blossoms shade the exquisite villas, a mountain stream, pass the mill and log cabins, a long corridor, a pale field from the small window of the church, all the woodwork Hanging brass rings.

"I want this," Xiaonan said. "We'll have breakfast here. Where you live, that's all for you. Mi can pick flowers this morning." "Ying'er doesn't like this kind of house." Heavy and solid classical architecture.She likes those exquisite modern villas on the hillside, no big stones and obtrusive things, just clean small curtains.When I came back from the Borg house, she showed me my finger and said she liked the house like that.I said let's build it.She said don't cover it.Want to have it now.I know what that means.She whispered softly in my ear: I'm getting married.

When she fell behind, she muttered: Hai Nan asked me to help her find a rancher in New Zealand. "Isn't it the landlord's wife? New Zealand ranchers and farmers, the words in the story have been spoken for a long time." Ants (2) I dreamed of that island again.I told people in the supermarket that it was just across the sea. When she was holding the bread, I talked about its benefits.Its coast is flat, with a wood, and a small river flowing out of the wood.I put those things in a circle, like when Robinson Crusoe came ashore, including bags and sticks, as if I wanted to live in a tree.I said it was my house, I dug holes there, you laughed, I dug coal.You say you dug up nothing.Because I want to leave, I will count all the benefits he said there. I said that when everyone leaves, it is like notes falling.

I ask you: how long did I sleep?I want to know how long it takes to dream a cave. The light shines on the light brown soil, and the ants are busy passing through the shadows of catkins flying there, they will not be flustered by those shadows.It is really rare to see ants across the road.When I see ants, I think of many things.When I was a child, I was with Yinger. I watched the ants climb up the boulders and wait under the eaves.How beautiful the sun is this morning.Yinger came back with a bag of things.It was one of the rare times she saw me sitting on a rock waiting for her.Ants are busy in groups, they seem to have only one mood, always so excited and agile.But I am really like a container. From morning to night, different moods are placed in my heart, sometimes it is so bad, and sometimes it is joyful and full.

The sun shines on the light brown soil, and ants are running there.They moved the leaves like a wooden boat, and they crawled in groups to the evening shadows under the green leaves. A person passing by on a path says to you; good afternoon.You say to him: good afternoon.A bird called "quack" in the sky.Those tired flowers still kept a tidy appearance, reminding me of the market, the woman selling dried flowers, when the market was over, sometimes she would come and give us a pack of dried flower petals. On my busy days, I can still hear your voice from so many windows in the building, talking upstairs.I can't hear them talking to Ying'er again.Ying'er's voice was slightly higher, she was always a little anxious, so it was high-pitched.

Later dreams were very messy, but at first I still saw her.She seems to mix in with many guests, and then disappear.You are gone too, I saw Xiangyi there, wearing those leaves bitten by ants.Then this dream was linked to another dream. I was walking on the station, as if looking for her, or looking for a car, which was from Beijing.But there is no car that is looking for.There is a car with its number written in seal characters.I smiled softly: yes, I recognize it now.Then I walked back, passed Jingshan Mountain, and walked to the house where we lived on the island without knowing it. The house is still the same, with wood, building materials, and even a little mess.I sat down to eat.This place looks like a house on an island, and it also looks like the place where I used to work as a carpenter, with a lot of wood.Sitting on the desk, sweeping the shavings, preparing to eat, when someone came and said he was looking for Yinger.

I jumped up, forgetting that Yinger was gone.Go to the back of the house to find Yinger, and go around the front of the house.In the foundation of a deeply dug foundation, Yinger poured water into that ditch, looking unhappy.I seem to remember having a grudge with Yinger. When I talk to Ying'er, it's like talking to people in a unit.I said: Ying'er, it's not me looking for you, someone from above is looking for you. The people from above did not walk with me by the side of the house.He walked along the deep ditch to the foundation, looking for Yinger.Ying'er was still watering and didn't speak. I stepped back slowly and walked along the house, and the man also walked back.

I said: What do you want to do with her? He said: There is no rush. My heart suddenly became angry: you can find her if you have nothing to do, I haven't eaten yet. I started picking on him.At this time, he had gone around to the east-facing direction of our house, and I also walked to the east-facing door to swim.But he's down there, deep down.His mouth moved, as if to reply. I asked: What did you say? I've got a few small bricks in my hand, three stones.He continued to mutter, below.I just dropped a brick, a small brick.He hid under the big stone platform, but he couldn't hide completely, he turned into a green glazed magnetic image.I threw stones at him without mercy.When I dropped the third stone, it broke a piece.Later I took a few stones to hit it, and when I walked down, it was broken and turned into a brick, which was very strange.I smashed this brick into eight pieces and put them in my arms. There was nothing in this dream, and when I woke up, I had a bitter taste in my mouth, and it was still in the dark night in Germany, Trier, a valley full of water sounds.This mill, which has been turning for many years, is no longer turning.I thought of playing the piano just now, the ominous keys, the dangerous high notes, I thought. But my thoughts quickly returned to the house just now.Ray, that house. you want to drive me away (3) I was numb from exhaustion, but Yinger woke me up. "You're going to drive me away," she said.I'm still not quite sober, and I want to hug her, but her little arms seem to be turned into bones, and her body is like a fish, twisting and turning in her pajamas. "What's wrong?" My chest was hit twice, and I finally woke up. "You're going to drive me away," she went on. "Just what you said." "What?" I asked her. "What did I say?" "I don't know why, but your face sank and you said: 'You go!', so ruthless." "When did I say that?  … "You just said it. In a word, I panicked and wanted to find someone to rent a house. I took the fat man with me when I went out, and I was still thinking about how to arrange the fat man. I need a small bed." "Are you dreaming?" "Anyway, you said it, that's what you said, you are like that. You want to drive me away with a heavy face, it's really heartless." She was intimidated by this feeling, and when it was time for dinner, she was still talking about it at the dinner table. "I took the fat man and walked forward, as if there was nothing I could do." "Aren't you leaving?" "That can't make you drive me away, so ruthless." At night, with the lights on softly, I read to her Chekhov's "Love Collection", which she brought from Beijing: "'You came from Bogarevka; didn't you?' He asked the countryman sharply. people. 'By the way, from Bogarevka. ' To pass the time, Ergurov began to think of Bogarevka, which was a large village situated in a deep ravine, so that on a moonlit night one would drive along the road and look down at the village. In a dark canyon, if you look up at the sky, you will feel as if the moon is hanging above a bottomless abyss.It was like the end of the world.The downhill road is steep, winding, and narrow. If it is for some epidemic, or to vaccinate people, take a car to Bogarevka, and you have to raise your throat and whistle all the way, because if there is a car Come face to face, then don't think about it..." She got up and hugged me, wrapped her around, and looked into my eyes: "be better, you always scare me. Will you drive me away?" I smiled, shook my head, and put the book aside. "I can't let you drive me away." She couldn't wait, and said. Princess Ye (4) Before leaving, I was so busy that I hardly cared about talking to Yinger.I dug the soil from the back of the house and dug out a small piece of flat land for building a kitchen in the future, and two small bedrooms for you and Yinger on top of it. I dumped the excavated soil through the chute of the platform and piled it in front of the house.Build another wall and use the wall to block the soil.This is also part of our city platform.I even stubbornly dug a hole in the shadow of the tree, put an old bathtub in it, and lined the edge with nice stones.It's a pond where fish can be raised, I conceived there. Yinger does not participate in these things, she always bypasses my construction site.But she is happy to cook and she loves to cook.After she finished cooking, she stuck her head out from the upstairs window and called out: Gu Cheng, eat. Yinger didn't care much about the house most of the time, and even felt that repairing the house was a crazy act.In her mind, which came out of school, there was no such thing as building a house by herself.It should all be left to the people who do these things.But what about money?These are all things that are not written in her textbook. "There is a Yiren, on the side of the water..." She drank a little wine, blushed, and sang out of her breath. Life seems to be like this, work, go to school, and then clean the glass.How could it be planting potatoes, watering manure or transporting sand.For a long time, she really didn't care or even hated what I did. "Hey" house, she said. "Hey" girl's house.She put an equal sign on it.She didn't seem to know that it was also done for her.The house should not be built, but should be obtained by some method. She likes a clean and elegant look.Didn't like my face being splattered with cement. "Da Zihong's Nightmare of Broken Building" I know what she means. "Xue (sound: xiao) student." I said to her in Beijing dialect. She also knows what I mean. "You are pure enough. You are pure king of the mountain." Sometimes she came over and pinched me and said, "I hate you to death. Who knows you are like this. You only know how to move stones and girls' houses, but you don't know anything. Why do you want to build a house? The place you build will be destroyed in the future." It has to be dismantled." Dinner is shrimp and eggs, you steamed it, you cook it well, and specially told me not to move it, and keep it for Yinger.Yinger makes cold noodles, two kinds, fried sauce and cucumber shredded with sesame sauce. "I never ate sesame paste when I was with Lei, and I never bought sesame paste every two taels of it." "Do you not eat sesame paste in summer in Beijing?" Ying'er felt strange. "I let others eat." You said. "Why haven't I been this other person?" "The neighbors in our yard always look for southerners in summer, and borrow money to buy sesame paste. Two taels are not enough." "I think the sesame paste is sticky, so I can't get along with it." "That's without water." "what?" "Add water to it. Otherwise, there's a saying 'not done well'." "Like mixing cement..." "As soon as I hear you talk, I'll go to my head." Ying'er said, "My side is old." "That's called neurosis." I told her, "The problems of intellectuals can be cured once they are re-educated through labor. During the Cultural Revolution, the cadre school only cured this kind of disease. Life is unbearable, so let's carry a hundred buckets of sand every day." "I'm not Lei." Ying'er said harshly. "Oh, fetch water, no wonder it turned white. I just realized that Yinger's noodles are delicious." You are still saying what you just said. When I first came to the island, I drew a drawing for you, which is a beautiful Islamabad looking up.There are pointed arches and drawbridges, winding battlements, and flying galleries in the air. While we were quarrying stone and sawing wood in the mountains, we debated every detail of the castle room staircase.Three years have passed, and we have built some steps and wall foundations, some slope protection, and triple terraces to prevent the landslides from collapsing.We have scars all over our hands. At this rate, our castle will take about 500 to 800 years to build. "Khan," you concluded, "you just repaired a little ruin. You'd better keep the house from leaking." "Traitor." I said in my heart, but my mouth said: "Ying'er has the same philosophy as me." She will definitely move the stone with me.I can imagine the scene of her joy after seeing this stone and tree. "Ying'er? Ying'er is pretty, but her arms are so thin." "What?" I couldn't remember how thick and thin Ying'er's arms were, because I didn't pay attention to this at all. "Then just wait." "What are you laughing at?" Ying'er always suspected that I was laughing at her.I'm putting together some material from past lectures I gave at a university.The court of the Tang Dynasty, I told Yinger.Ying'er said: "I know, I know. Isn't it just three thousand loves in one body? Can you stand it? It would be better to spread it out." "I'm not laughing at this, I mean it's ridiculous to have two titles in the harem of the Tang Dynasty. One is called 'Promise,' and the other is called 'Chang Zai'." "You want people to agree to work for you, right? Ray doesn't stay at home anymore. I'm not here often. I just don't agree. I won't be with you for the rest of my life." I told you." "Who knows what you said is true. Don't even think about it. Lin Daiyu is holding a flower hoe. It doesn't count as a shovel." "Yeah, who likes real dragons." Since then, Yinger has called herself Princess Ye (Sichuan: shai). "Yugong, Yugong." Ying'er watched me dig a mountain and said beside me. "Zhi Geng is quite thin." Only then did I realize that her arms were indeed very thin. The small pulley creaked, and buckets of sand and gravel rose along the cableway I installed. Ying'er took the buckets off the hook and poured them into my "fish pond".I asked Ying'er to put on gloves so as not to damage her hands. Yinger said: "It's okay, it's not good to follow you anyway." "I'll tidy these up." I didn't agree with the words, and pointed to the scattered objects on the ground. "I threw these away as soon as you left." The light at dusk suddenly brightened behind the shadow of the trees. I planned to use these sandstones to build a large platform at the door when I came back.I'm going to fix a gray flagstone path and steps, a nice looking bathroom. I will make for you two steps with pictures inlaid with flakes of stone - our future house. Lottery (5) It rained in the morning, and the green shade valley was foggy.I dragged all the sawn firewood down the mountain, and scattered the ashes from last night on the muddy path near the firewood fence.I was doing this in Elizabeth's garden, and I heard Ying'er calling from the house: "Gu Cheng." "What for?" "Come here," she said. "What's the matter?" I was a little reluctant to wipe the mud on my shoes on the wire grass.The rain boots are a bit small, so it's not easy to take them off. "Probably a good thing." "Is it marriage?" I said, waiting for her next words.She must have said that she was fainted, but she didn't make a sound, which surprised me a little.Turn around the foyer and find her in the kitchen, looking at a piece of paper.Knife set aside, jam spread on white bread. "Is it a marriage certificate?" I asked again. "It's in the bread," she said.She showed me the piece of paper the size of a playing card.A car is painted on it, or a Jeep, and 40,000 Singapore dollars is written below it. "You may have won the lottery. The bread is worth it." Yinger learned to buy lottery tickets as soon as she arrived, lying on the counter to fill in the numbers.You are also there to help her, every time it takes a long time.I stood far away, looking at the sea outside the gate.Yinger is always very happy to fill out the lottery tickets, and when she walks past me, she says, "I'm so angry." When I got in the car, my complexion didn't turn so good. "Don't be mad," she said. "If I win, I will marry you a wife first, including the house." "I'm not angry. I can win if I don't buy it, and I will win if I fill in a number." "How much did you win?" "Two dollars." "It seems to be true." Ying'er looked through the dictionary in the living room after eating. "It says money or a car." "I can pull your father around in a big circle." Ying'er glanced at me and didn't talk back.She doesn't quite want to believe it's true.But I know her little brain is constantly turning. "Ask Ray, or Liss." I advised her. She didn't say anything, just put the lottery ticket away and went to work.I knew she was taking the good thing at the door quietly. I spent the afternoon sawing a downed tree on the hill, cutting off the branches that were sticking out into the air.The most difficult ones are the branches that are pinned down, or where other vines are entwined around the young tree.Although they are already dead, they contain dangerous power like springs.If you don't pay attention, it will snap off and hit you, at least pinching the saw and immobilizing you.I especially like to saw the thick and thin branches of the bowl, because as long as they are sawed to a suitable length, there is no need to chop them again. When doing these things, I don't know why I keep thinking about a sentence Tang Lei said. "It's not easy to get a foreigner." I didn't hear him say this, but it was told to me in England by someone who joined the queue with him.But this sentence stopped in my mind, and I even saw his conceited smile when he spoke. "Heh" sound. After going abroad, we have been suffocated by poverty, and we need money from all directions.We can only say that we are not crowded by money and come here.Ying'er was very lucky, she ran into such a good thing only half a year after she came out.Looks like I can relax a bit this time and eat something good, or she'll go away because of that, I don't want to think so.This matter is very indifferent, and it seems that there is no such thing. By the time I dragged all the firewood to the clearing, Yinger had already returned.I looked in through the little kitchen window, and she was putting things in the refrigerator, and I hung the saw up on the wall, and I sat in the doorway and took off my boots. Ying'er came out and stood leaning on the door frame. A large group of birds were chirping in the bamboo forest, and it was getting dark. I asked her about her work for old man God.She said that the old priest always made a joke or two, so she retreated into the room and read the Bible. "He doesn't know whether to believe it or not?" "It's pretty casual looking like that," she said. "What do you feed him?" "It's just peas and ham, or fried sausage with eggs, change it." "He's not annoying either." "He doesn't bother. He doesn't seem to eat anything. It stands to reason that he should give me twenty yuan to buy things. I don't know if he is stingy or forgot. He didn't give it this week. He bought it for himself. Small packets, very expensive. I told him about it, but he always thought it was cheaper to buy less. I never brought him potatoes." I seem to see that old man walking hurriedly in gray clothes with his head bowed. "He's so skinny." "I bought mutton today. Half a sheep, twenty-two yuan." "Are you tired?" I shook her little arm. "Give me a soft head, my head is numb." She sat down on the wooden bench at the door.The wooden benches are nailed together with the house.At the end of the stool is a small house with a pointed roof made of a large cardboard box. The owner's cat looked at it. After a moment of hesitation, it finally came over. "Is it this way? Is this it?" I pressed her head, and a sudden warmth surged in my heart, feeling that she was very delicate and thin.I kissed her on the ear and the cat bent over her feet. "Gu Cheng." She always called me in such a strange way, "How much does it cost to build our house like this?" "Twenty thousand." "Is 20,000 enough? Gu Cheng, if it's true, let's build the house." "You'd better pick your parents up for a walk." Yinger looked at me, lowered her eyes again, and smiled as if a little embarrassed. "Guess, what did I think when I read this paper? My first feeling was that it was too little. I won't let my father come, I will repair the house." Ying'er was very upset about the house in Rocky Bay, "bad and dilapidated." Ying'er couldn't think of any words to express her feelings. There were mice on the roof, fleas under the bed, and the inner wall panel exposed its dark rainwater Soaked part.Anyway, it almost became a symbol of that part of her character that she resented me the most, undisguised.She attacked the house with such vehemence that one suspected she was speaking of her rival.But having said that, she was indeed taken aback by the house. "That's not a house, that's an ancestor," she said when she first came to town. "You have to wait on it." "Grandpa." She said, looking at me. A big rock with a bent back seems to be pried up bit by bit reluctantly, and you seem to feel the power of it closing its eyes to go back.I let you step on the iron crowbar, shake it, and I put small stones and logs under it and rolled it the moment it was slightly raised.I always felt that the crowbar was going to slip off and hit my teeth. In the mountain forest below, I built a rolling stone road, leading directly to the site where I built the wall at the foot of the mountain.Logs were lined up against the trees on both sides, and more branches and trunks were added at the turnaround to soften the impact of the falling stones.The stone can fly and roll down along it, and hit the stone pile at the foot of the mountain. I have never pried up such a big stone. It was lifted from the soil by us little by little, and it was poking forward dangerously.The small insects in the soil crawled around and scattered, and the part not in the soil was brownish yellow with moisture.I pushed and pushed it, for some reason I was reluctant to break it with a hammer.Because the stone is big, it shows a kind of arrogance.It leans forward, and I can change its direction at any time at this time.Just when I was about to grab it, it suddenly really started to tip forward and fall away from me.It rolled slowly among the fallen leaves for a week, then seemed to wake up, shook a bit, and ran down the mountain with a flicker.At the edge of the log near the rolling stone road, it suddenly jumped up, smashed two fallen trees in the air, and went into the woods. We were all stupefied by the accident, it left us without even a cry, as if it was alive, rolling muffled in the woods.Sometimes there is a loud bang.The small tree fell, and the big tree shook, startling the birds above.The stone went into the woods.It's like a monster that can't be caught.He rolled down the steep hillside without stopping. We dropped everything and ran straight down the mountain, descending the few steps quickly. There was a sound for a while, and it disappeared for a while.Its strength is enough to knock down a house, and it is still invisible in our fields. The smoke curling up from the mountains hangs in the air, and our horror is very clear in the small human voice. Everything has happened, and the only question seems to be where is the big rock? "I'll run down first, Lei's legs are weak." "and after?… "And then I yelled on the road. 'Here's the rock,'" "That's when a rock fell to the ground. The big rock lay in the middle of the road." "It's just the turn?" "A bit further on to the Happy Bachelors. There's not a car, it's in the middle of the road. I'll let Ray watch from the road, and I'll come back and get the hammer." "You wrote about it in your letter, but you couldn't think of it in such a way." "I don't know why it was so hard, it broke the stone in a few strokes. Then..." With a bang, the room was full of dust, Ying'er jumped up, the ceiling hanging in the air fell down and hit the table, and there were plaster fragments everywhere. "This is not a house, this is an ancestor!" Ying'er yelled like a little girl in Beijing.She stood at the door, hardly knowing what to do. I looked at the pot, and you said, "Don't move." It seemed that the food in it was still edible. "Coincidentally, I just took a step away and missed it. Where's the dustpan?" I looked up at the big rectangular hole in the roof.The cobwebs are floating, and there are so many cobwebs on the ceiling. "This time the air is circulating." "It's purely ancestors." Ying'er was still standing at the door muttering. "Won't other places collapse again?" I laughed hey hey hey. "Gu Cheng!" She said sharply.Then we all laughed. "It's not easy to catch up once." I said. "I hate you to death." While sleeping, she gritted her teeth and bit me again, as if she really had nothing to do with me. After she called you, she went to bed and spelled you letter by letter. I know she took it seriously. She knew more words than you. When she was in Beijing, she found a little teacher to teach her seriously.But she couldn't connect, and when I asked about her English teacher, she gave me a special look. "It's a girl, younger than me." "Lei also buys lottery tickets these two days, you don't know." She turned off the light in the outer room. "Buy it, buy it, if you have money." "It's home." "How is that possible?" I didn't believe it at all. "She won seventy yuan. If you match four, you can win, and if you need five, you can win thousands. She is always right three. " "Yeah, frustrated in love, and in the casino..." Yinger threw the pillow in my face. "Casino? Butchery." "It's for fat people, you just know how to build a broken house and don't care about anything." "I'll fix it." "That's what you call repairing a house? Nail two boards and drop three boards. Who is it? Lei said just now that the floor over there is bulging again. The foundation is sinking. When it rains, the house is still crooked." I am silent. Ying'er changed into her pajamas and turned off the bedside lamp. "Hey, Gu Cheng. Turn around, what are you doing if you don't have a house to repair? You must tear it down, it was terrible that you smashed the glass that day, if you want me to ignore you. Lei still grabbed you and said, 'It's okay, it's okay, , The broken window over there directs the wind, and I can't take a shower. How cold it is in winter. " "I nailed it with plastic sheeting. I said buy a new window, and Ray didn't say anything." "Nonsense, let you smash it again. You are not allowed to turn around, like a big rock." She slowly stretched out her hand, "Will you be better in the future?" I woke up at night, watching the moonlight on the mountain opposite through the long window. Yinger buried her head on me like a little girl.The strands of hair made my nose itchy, and I suddenly felt so at ease. I thought about it for a long time, but I couldn't seem to think of anything.I just feel that in this clean and high room, life will go on forever. When I woke up again, it was already dawn, and I looked at the whirling bamboos outside the window. Ying'er has already woken up, and is busy in the kitchen after taking a shower. "Yinger." "Hey." "Why did you get up so early?" "Go out early, I agreed with Lei yesterday to go to the market. Are you going?" "I?" "Go, go. Staying at home alone is always so insidious. When I come back, I am always afraid that you will die and scare me." I remembered that when Yinger usually came back, she would often call me from afar.It turned out that she was afraid that I would die to scare her. "Aren't I just for you to remember?" Then he walked into the bathroom. "We promise to miss you, and we promise to write a book to miss you." This was what Ying'er said on the other side of the rock bend, and I suddenly felt that those days were far away.It's like standing on the shore and watching the waves that swim by.I wiped the steamed mirror with a towel as I turned off the water. "Are you wearing this?" Ying'er, who has always been indifferent, stood there and suggested weakly, "Your mutton soup is ready." She took those plates and bread to the living room, and we usually have breakfast in the kitchen to eat. The wind with the cool air of the sea is blowing in the valley.Branches dangled aimlessly by the side of the road.The flowers withered before I saw them open; the drooping flowers reminded me of jester's hats, and the sound of water splashing in the valley. "No matter how I look at it, everything is quite fresh." Vibrant clouds floated over the top of the trees in front. "You haven't been out for another month, have you?" "It might rain today." "I can't download it, hey, it's already downloaded." The wind suddenly picked up. "are you cold?" "It's not cold, do you want to go back?" "No." We strode along the turning road.I don't know why I got a little cocky, like a soldier.The boots went on and on; soon we came across the little charcuterie on the other side of the bay.The shop was always closed, and there was a piggy made of colored magnets in the window. "How much does this store cost?" "One hundred thousand. Why is it always closed?" "Why are your hands so hot?" "Hello," someone actually greeted in Chinese.Ying'er was so frightened that she didn't dare to turn her head.In fact, that person is across the road, far away from her. , We didn't pay much attention to him when we walked by. "Hi," he said again, an Asian man with a dark and light face and a tall, thin man. "You—" he said in a strange way, "Do you want to take a car? Go to Jishang." Only then did Yinger come to her senses, "He wants us to take a car." She seemed to be used to translating for me, and she changed that difficult Mandarin into Beijing dialect and said it again. "Hello." I greeted nondescriptly. "Ah, hello. Don't ask me." The man waved his hand, as if to stop us from moving forward.We stopped for no reason.He glanced violently to both sides, then quickly got into the car, and the car drove to the intersection behind, turning in a circle on the spot.He caught up and stopped beside us. "Please get in the car." The man opened the door. "We like to walk." The man didn't seem to understand. "I like bang bang bang bang one by one" he flicked his hand in the air.He tilted his head and said two words vigorously, "Yes, music. I know you are a dead Chinese. Hey, Hey. Ah, your hat, they know and I know." Yinger laughed so hard that his mouth was puckered, but he still tried his best to be polite and said, "It's much more difficult to understand than English." "I know you do, huh?" "Are you from Hongchao?" I tried my best to match his words and tone. "Red bran?" His eyes lit up. "Are you red bran?" "NO," I answered him in English: "Criticism." "Mandarin." He nodded desperately. "I'm that father, eighteen years old—" Start scribbling on paper. "Red bran found. New Zealand, one month, M?" I told Yinger, "Please let him speak English. I beg him. I'm sweating." Yinger started to speak some English to him, and I finally breathed a sigh of relief.The car started and it started to rain.I had no choice but to sit in his car. It turned out that he was a Chinese composer who had only been to Hong Kong for a month.He welcomes us to his home, he likes Chinese, Chinese poetry.He knew that there was a Chinese poet wearing a hat on the island, and his wife was very beautiful. When we saw you at the show, you were picking cauliflower in Gula'an's big vegetable shed. "Cauliflower is very cheap today." You seem very happy, but your face is a little pale. The small market is also very lively.因为下雨大家都挤在一起，打着招呼。古拉安站在那，一副严肃的样子，他的女儿和一些帮手都在那忙碌着。而他拿着一根长棍子，把蓬布支起来，赶水，透明晃动的积水滚到蓬布边上就哗啦一声倾倒下来。 “英儿和你一边挑菜，一边说刚才碰到的那个话音古怪的华人。 “呕，批坑。这么说你们是讲国语的罗？，英儿给你学那人最流利的一句活，学得挺象你就笑了。你把钱给英儿，然后你们各自付账。 红白相间的大蓬布上下鼓飞，忽然太阳就出来了，照在潮湿的沾满水珠的草上，集市上有人吹着小口哨。 “可罕怎么来了？”你还是那样称呼我。 “他？”英儿看我一眼，好象不屑地样子，可眼睛里藏了笑影“他想出来逛逛街。” 几十台大电视，蓝蓝的闪动着，几十个一模一样的美国将军，用一模一样的口吻在说伊拉克的问题。这是岛上唯一卖家具的商店，门口还摆着吸尘器。和降了价的剪草机，干净的绿地毯，散发着塑胶的气味，一进门是一个裸体广告，一个金发女子伏在床上，很温馨的样子。意思是装了这种暖气，就不用穿衣服了。 我看了看油漆刷子的价钱，中国出产的三块钱新市，新西兰出产的十三块。 “底下二楼是家具。”英儿说明，她有一点近视。看字的时候要眯一眯眼睛。 我没想到下边竟是个广阔的大厅，这家商店是依着海岸的坡地往下建筑的。街边却只有一层店面，所以一进门就是商店的最高一层了。 几个华丽的大床摆在一边，有铜的，也有罗可可式的带金饰的木制床架，一排排梳妆镜照着我们，一个人都没有，我们说话声音都很轻。 “这个挺好看的。”英儿指着一个小床说。 “我喜欢那样的。”你指着另外一个大床说，你喜欢的东西永远是最贵的。 “这小床才三百块钱。” “那我得吃多少面包呀？” “撑死也白搭，压根就印了三种号码。相声里就有这么说的。说是攒够一百零八将的火柴盒就可以换一个彩电，人家总共就印了一百零七将。” “是，那回也是有奖购货，说什么几个票对起来就能得什么得什么，买五十块钱东西就给一张，雷当着她的面拿了一大打子，我回来在床上码了半天，根本就对不上那个大号。有一种蓝色的没有，根本没印。” “彩票还是不如彩礼呀。”这时候我已经把火生起来了。夜深了，英儿在楼下帮你铺好床，就上来。客厅里光影闪动，壁火正烧得好呢，我跟着英儿象影子一样。 “你跟着我干吗？今天你得好点。” I nod. “知道怎么好点吗？” 我看着她。 “不能这样。”她把我的手拿开。“你得离我一丈远。” “一丈远是多远？” “一丈远，就是一丈夫那么远。”她得意了“行啦，去吧。” 夜里又下雨了，我起来，客厅里炉火还是红的。我轻轻地走，楼梯还是在地板上发出吱吱的响声。我迟疑了一下，就去推英儿的门。门被关住了，她在里边抵了把椅子。 我又用力推了推，她醒着，在里边发出低低的笑声。 绿荫谷的冬天结束了，岛上的日子也没有了。 从绿荫谷回家的日子多好啊。我不管你们，你们也不管我。英儿开始专心地做她的春卷，你把她送到集上去，我还在一点一点修那个屋子。我钻到屋子下边，象地老鼠一样的工作着，听你们在地板上面走来走去，隐隐约约说话的声音。 蔓草沿了房子的空隙长到屋子里去，就变成了天然的装饰，在放碗的木架上缠绕。 我用六个千斤顶把房子顶起来一点，我画了条线，让英儿在线那边活动，我在地板下放水泥桩子，换掉朽坏的木墩。我那么专心的做这件事，以至于会错过吃饭，饿得几乎走不上楼来。 “要我就把这些板都换了。”英儿说，她总是对天花板忧心忡忡。 “墙板也得换。”你说。 “那壁画怎么办呢？”乡伊说。 “最好另外盖两间出来。修还不如盖呢。英儿一问，我一问。” “那时候我就把门一插。”英儿说“现在我没门儿、没办法” “我给你做个门吧？”我说，“现在就能钉，做个拉门。” “不要。”英儿干脆他说。 停了一会她又想起来了，“其实也就两万块钱，有什么的呢？咱们一起干活，一年肯定能攒一万。” “那得出去挣钱。” 第二次告别（六） 英儿有时候在屋里哭，然后她对你说：也不知道怎么，有时候就想哭一哭。她站在平台上看着远处，我们那时候已经定好了出发的日子。 我忙着用掉最后的水泥，筑墙，做那两个台阶，你在忙着安排胖子的事，让工人来装水、热水器和电灯。好象越到最后，事情越多。我们的屋子一天天变得陌生起来，所有杂物都被埋掉了。筑好的城台上撒着细细的石子。夜里，灯可以照到山下停车的地方，室内处处灯光怪亮。我们好象装了过多的灯，把这房子每一处损坏的地方都暴露出来，蜘蛛网和蛀蚀也都看得更清楚了。 第一天灯亮起来的时候，我们漫无目的的四下走了好久，真的有点不太认识了。 “是不是太亮了。”你看着破烂的囚壁说。 “跟回光反照似的。” “还有几天呀？” “二十天。” “五四三二——一，发射，现在就点上火了。” “做平台三千，装电两千五，热水器八百，浴室五百，浴室肯定修不完了。” “肯定修得完！”你说。 车在熟悉的路上回转着开向码头，我们一点不觉得这是要出远门的样子。你在向英儿交代剩下来的事。我看着英儿心里一点也没有别离的感觉。只是想着她说话时，嘴边那种嘲弄的笑纹，意思是“你也能挣钱？” “我挣到两万就回来吧。”夜里我对她说“我都不想走了。 你说我去吗？你现在说不去，我就不去了。 " "I do not care." “那我不去了。” “还是去吧。” “那你怎么办？”我抚爱着她。不知道怎么心里有点木然。 “我自己解决。”她笑起来“你是挺傻的。”她抓住我。 “英儿、你听我说：任何时候你要我回来，打一个电话我就回来。我什么都不要。” “还是去挣钱吧，废物利用。”她又开始说老笑话了。 “是两万吗？”我好象看见了那放着干净木器的小卧室、窗帘、厨房里一排排悬挂的铜锅和玻璃碗盏，英儿永远喜欢收拾的小屋子，还有胖子的游戏室。 一年真不知道怎么会过完，可这个新房子就在时间那边。 山和房子都过去了，海湾出现在眼前，是两万吗？我几乎无声地问英儿，英儿笑了，三万。不许涨价啊。车门开了，路边的萱草在海风中热烈的舞动着。英儿也下来。眯起眼睛。 我抱了抱她，心里说“小人儿。”她好象有点尴尬地笑了笑说：“还挺洋气的。” 一直走到船上我才回过身来看码头。有一两个赶船的人在奔跑，但英儿已经开车走了。 小金鱼（七） 为了个房子就跑到柏林来了，我和上帝定约，再不向他要什么了，只要和你们在一起。后来我还是要了，我喜欢她也就喜欢了她喜欢的东西，我喜欢房子。 我第一次遇见英儿的时候多好啊，一心一意地看着她。什么事都没有，那才是真的。后来事就多了。我多笨呐，我以为爱是一个许诺。总要有更好的日子在后边，其实那日子已经太好了，英儿都说。她从来没那么快乐过，“这日子神了”。 什么都不想的时候，或者没法想的时候就好了。 我们在平台上坐着看海景，说来说去，想不出还缺什么，好象就缺两万块钱，把屋顶漆成红的。 我到柏林来了，看着那个小房子，在时间对面，一年。一个有新窗户，新的小柜子，里边放水杯的房子。有小小的楼梯，真象玩具，英儿喜欢。我想一年，不管多宽阔，都会过去，后边的日子是整洁的。应该是一个没有尽头的长廊。我闭上眼睛时间就会过去，我让自己睡着，象一条河流，我老看见英儿站在台阶上如时出现，穿着那件印满花朵的小衣裳。 我和你回家，穿过城市街道，穿过海就能看见她了。在那台阶上，温和的阳光照耀着，雷，那是多好的日子啊。 我们打开门，屋里挂着衣服、被单，初夏的阳光都使我充满愿望。我轻轻地接住第一天、第一个日子，把英儿抱起来。我的心会那么干净，好象粗糙的笋壳包含着春天的岁月。 我那么笨，拿着电话对英儿嚷：挣到钱了。英儿写信夸了我，说那一声嚷煞是响亮，让人痛快。她不相信的事，我一定要做到。我在电话里说了傻话，她知道我说了傻话。最后她只是问：你们什么时候回来？ 在她的音息淡漠的时候，我的不安已经告诉我了。但是我不去想。我只是想我和她渡过的每一分钟，只是想多做一点，就见到她了，给她一个意外。 爱是一个许诺，就象我离开北京一样，我那时候只有一个念头：只要我活着，就要和英儿在一起，哪怕过一天。我心里这样说过，到死也不会告诉她。后来我离开她忘记了这个许诺，我离开英儿难受极了，活象一个人被分成两半。我情愿忍受这件事，是为了偿付我欠你们的，是为了更好的日子。 我想象她是个勇敢的小人儿，在黑夜里不怕打雷。不怕下雨，到处管事、种豆子，教乡伊开车。我有时候走到街上都会笑起来，因为我们有一个小小的国上。 波浪一阵一阵展开了，岛一点一点的小了，英儿在那个岛上。英儿没有了，我恨她。不是因为我爱她，而是因为她说了钱的事，说了我们一起干活。这不是命里的事，不是我们向上天所求的事。我要的已经有了。我不要的为什么又要了呢？现在这个事，只是被说了又说的小金鱼的故事罢了。 英儿没有了，隔着大海和时间，我看不见她。我还可以看见原来的房子，木板上的钉子，屋顶塌下来又被我补好的地方。我什么都看得见，可是英儿没有了。那准备好的日子，永远也没有了。我第一次知道房子没什么用，地也没什么用。 我在柏林狂热的想那块地，从山下想到山顶，想那房子每一个应该修理的地方。现在我才知道，它们都是灾难，我可以看任何一块地，住任何一个房子里，在阳台上看我讨厌的城市，但是我不能再回到那间房子里去了，那些记忆会让我死的。 有时候在超级市场买东西，一抬头都觉得能看见那门外的大海，你和英儿在另外一边买彩票，这样的幻觉让我安慰。做梦回那间房子里，总有英儿若有若无的在边上，来了人她就帮我说话。她匆匆忙忙遇见人就笑起来，那日子象一条鱼游来游去。现在它被剖开了，丢在岸上，我不能回去了，它会把我吃掉。我不能承受那些锋利的记忆。没办法，我就象游魂一样到处飘着。 一个从墓地里出来的人会想什么呢？它还想要房子吗？他们都住了一阵就都到墓地里去了，留下那么多结实的带花的房子，好多东西还摆在原处，就象我的锤子和李子酒一样，英儿让我干的和不让我干的事。那个打坏的窗子，那会儿我还老担心，这房子活得比我久，现在我做的事就是绕开它，它真正象一个野兽，要吃掉我。我身上都是它留下来的瘀血。 我不怕英儿，不怕死。那一片墓地，草都是绿的，甚至绿得人心上发慌，他们在墓地上浇水，放一个小凳子。雷，你说得对，没有了就没有了。这个我不怕，因为都会没有，只是有先有后，我们都会变得干干净净的。可是我怕，有的东西，怕那个房子，一天天太具体了。每一个缺损的锯齿都还可以看见，我所有的努力和妄想都还可以看见，我搬回来的那棵大树还丢在山下，被草埋了，被我们不知道的夏天晒过。 我是准备回去，和英儿一边说话，说这一年的日子，一边烧这棵树的。 白杨树一直向天上长着，象我小时候看见的一样，这些老人到坟上，看一看他们的亲人，又走回家去。这日子多安心啊。我没有自己的土地了，没想到就这么连根拔起，象孤魂一样到处飘流。我知道这日子不会太久了，我现在还在祈求上天。在我走向她的时候，不要穿过那间房子的楼梯。 “这就是小孩睡的。”我说。“你不是有床吗？” “那个床太大，耽误事。”她走过去，在镜子里她又笑。 你走到那头，研究被套去了。一个被子也要六十块钱。 “雷你来。”英儿在那边叫“你来看这个。”英儿正在看一个围着八张椅子的素木餐桌，做得朴实可爱。上面的青漆青亮亮的。“还有这个。”英儿指着桌子边上的酒柜说。 那真是个做得不错的胡桃木酒柜，谁看了那上边的一排小栏杆都会喜欢的。太象童活故事里画出来的了。英儿抬着眼睛看，她是真的喜欢。 “八百九十五块。昨天还一千二呢。” “昨天？”我看了英儿一眼。 “今天开始大降价，降一个月。”你说。“外头写着呢。” “你那屋里只适合放一个梳妆台。” “放厨房里。”英儿说。 “厨房在哪呢？” 英儿不吭气悠悠然然地转身走开。 “那买吧。”我追上去说。 “要买，我昨天就买了。”英儿抹头就走“你就不会说点好听的？” “你又怎么气英儿了。”你说。 “英儿。”我叫她。 “英儿什么英儿？萝卜缨。”她又溜达回来了。“喝咖啡不喝？” 回到绿荫谷，已经是蓝天白云了。岛上的气候变化就这么快，一天可以下五场雨，出七回太阳。一块云把树林遮住又缓缓离开。那里的树冬天仍然是绿的，树叶上还飞绕着蜜蜂。客厅的大窗子透进阳光，桌上有一束假花，英儿又插了一束真的，谁也分不出来。 “胖子呢？” “在玻格家，和艾玛一起玩。”你接着看了看炉子里的碳火说：“这真暖和。” 然后你们把外衣脱了，挂在衣架上。又一起把买来的菜放进冰箱。 “晚上吃鱼吧。”英儿说“只有你会做。今天那么冷，别走了，那边破窗户还灌风。” “胖子啊。” “让胖子在玻格家睡。一天没事，还暖和点呢。”英儿把电视开了。“今天晚上有《吸血幅》” “真的？那也得问问玻格才行。” “打电话吧。我来打。” “你说的那张彩票呢？” “也不知道是不是。”英儿还是虚着说。 你们在一起说话的时候，我又出去拿柴禾了。隔着玻璃看你们翻字典，然后笑。太阳快沉到树林里去了。屋子里依旧是温热的。 我挑了点好看的木柴放在炉边的大铜盆里，截面向外。这些柴段也足足有十几年的年轮了。 “是有一辆吉普车吗？” “好象有一个粘辅，”英儿说。 “这上边说，你如果拿到了四张这样的彩票，号码是不一样的，就可以得一辆汽车了。或者相当于四万块钱的礼物。”