Chapter 37 Section 37

A girl falls on top of you, and you lie on the bed, half awake.She laughs and plays with you, you are very pleasantly surprised, I hope it is not a dream.You are pressed by her breasts, from the open neckline to touch her smooth skin, pinch her firm milk, she doesn't stop her, just playing with you.You are lucky to have met her unexpectedly, but you can't call her name. You vaguely know her name, but you are afraid of calling her wrong.Search memory, in such an environment, there is such a girl, you often meet on the road, but you can never get close to her, now it sticks to you, you say that you never thought of seeing her like this, you are so happy!She said that she came to see you, passed by this city, and heard that you were in a meeting, so she came here.You said don't go—.She said of course, but she had to store her luggage first and go through the check-in procedures.You didn't make love to her right away, thinking that there was plenty of time, since she came from a long way to find you, she left if she couldn't.You turned over immediately and asked her where is her luggage?She said, eat it, why don't you just leave it in the next room.You look sideways!The two rooms are connected, there is no partition, and there are two beds in that room.You are worried that someone else will live in you again, so you have to find the waiter in the hotel to change to a double room.But it’s lunch time, so let’s go to the restaurant to eat together first, she follows you closely, pretending to depend on each other, saying that it’s hard to find you, you are still thinking about her name, looking at this familiar face, but it’s hard to find her. confirm.She's more of a woman than a girl, a big girl or a little woman, there shouldn't be any trouble making love to her, and besides, she's here for you.She asked if she wanted to meet the host of the meeting and introduce him first?You said that you are a free person now, you can live with whoever you want, and you don’t need anyone’s approval, so you can just take her to the hotel reception desk to change to a double room.The man behind the counter gave you a key and a note. The small plate on the key has the room number. You ask him where is this room?The man said that he only had to register, and he could call if he had any questions, and there was a phone number on the note.You ask if you can use the phone on his counter and he says you have to flip a coin.You fumbled in your pocket and couldn't find any change, so you discussed with that person, can you pay after calling back?He is noncommittal, you call, and you reply that the room is on the third floor.You take the elevator to the top floor, and when you come out, it turns out to be a parking lot.You go into the elevator again, and when you get downstairs, you still can't find the room.You stopped the waitress who was pushing a cart in the aisle and was cleaning the room and asked, and she said that there was another floor.You have finally reached the ground floor, it is a large and elegant restaurant, you might as well eat first.The leader of the seat wore a bow tie and politely said sorry, but you have to reserve a seat in advance, and the seats are all full.You said you were attending a meeting, but he said that it was specially prepared for the participants, and it was in another restaurant.You and she took the elevator up again to look for your room, carefully looking at the number on the key is a bit strange: NO.One by one G． Y.You find door number 14, 15, 16, but there is no number 11.You ask a fat woman sitting on a high stool in the bar by the aisle, who must be a traveler who lives here, should know what the number is.As soon as the swivel chair is turned, the woman turns around and points behind you and says, "Oh, that cave!"You don't know (how could it be a cave? But the bronze plate nailed on the door frame is indeed one one. G, and there is a vague letter behind it, which may be N. You lift the curtain made of glass beads, and there is a big one inside. There is a row of bunks, you look around this big room, there is another layer of bunks on the upper right side of the bunk, which protrudes into the wall and can only be entered by climbing. The four double bunks are all put pillows. When you think of having sex with her, you go to the end Put down her luggage at the far corner. When you come out of the room, you think you have to find another private room anyway. But she said that there is a female companion who came with her and they have to live together. Fortunately, they still have a room in this city. Acquaintances! There is always a way to settle down. But you said that since she came to you: ... She said next time, there is still a chance. She turned to leave, you woke up, very sorry, want to recall, want to seize some To figure out how this dream came about, I found that I was sleeping on a single bed—in a small room, with birds singing outside the window.

You can't remember why you fell asleep here for a while, your head is dizzy, you haven't fully woken up yet, and you drank too much wine last night.It’s been a long time since I drank so much, all kinds of wine were mixed, whiskey, Wuliangye, red wine, and beer was just used to quench my thirst, and the whole case of beer was opened endlessly.Who brought Scotch whiskey from England, and Wuliangye came from China, you remember, a group of Chinese writers and poets met here, the southern suburb of Stockholm, named after the murdered Prime Minister Palme” an international center. You opened your eyes again, sat up, and saw "a piece of lake" outside the window, the clouds were very low, the trees were lush on the flat grass, only the birds chirped but no one was around, it was very quiet.

You recall the warmth that the girl in the dream gave you, and you can't help but feel sad. How can you have such a dream?It's all because this group was talking about China again last night. After drinking so much wine, China really gives you a headache.But this is exactly the purpose of the meeting. The discussion is about contemporary Chinese literature. The Swedish paid to invite a group of Chinese writers from home and abroad, providing air tickets and a few days of board and lodging. Such a good resort, You didn't go to the restaurant for breakfast, but you saw the big cars downstairs from the window driving away, and everyone went sightseeing in Stockholm.

Then - you walk along the dirt road paved with gravel by the lake to two pastures.Huge plastic bags, probably filled with harvested grass. On the green grass, on the edge of the lush forest, here and there, these white objects seem so unreal, you seem to have entered a dream again . Follow the path into the woods, the lake light is gone, and the trees in the depths of the forest are getting taller and taller, the most tall and straight is the red pine.You suddenly heard the shouts of boys and girls, and you couldn't help being a little excited, as if you were back in your childhood, and you naturally knew that time would never come back.You stop and listen, wanting to confirm whether it is an auditory hallucination, hurry up and continue to Kou Xiaolu, and there is a forest gap in front of you. There are really two girls. The tall girl wears a pair of jeans that have been cut in half, and the raw edge of the trouser leg is at the knee. Above, the same smaller girls each dragging a large bag, probably picking pine cones on the ground.Farther away, there was a little boy running around with a net bag for catching flying insects.The two girls stop now and then so you don't disturb them!slow down.The little boy ran and yelled in front, and the two girls called him, but the boy didn't listen and ran away, and they followed with their bags.The children's voices gradually faded away until they could no longer be seen, and the grassy dirt road became deserted.It seems that you can still hear the faint cries of the children. You stop and listen carefully, but only the sound of the pines blowing through the treetops.

You are still reminiscing about that dream, reminiscing about the touch of the smooth and firm breast, reminiscing about that vague but familiar face, and reminiscing about another dream you once had.The strange thing is that you have had this dream many times, and it turned out to be a memory, as if there was such a girl.She and the girls in the same get out of class are out of class. You and her seem to be in the same class, but it is not easy to get close to them. They are always a group of happy and happy people. They also associate with boys, and even associate with men, but you cannot enter their circle.Then you remember that you once lived in a big courtyard. Your house is in the backyard, but it is difficult for you to enter your house through the front yard full of people!The girl seems to live in this front yard.So, it was connected with another dream. The girl’s house was in a congested side street, in a deep old yard. She entered the house once in a while. A classmate from middle school also lives in this courtyard.You came to him to find out if the girl's family is still there, and when you came, you didn't find your classmate.This also involves other dreams, similar to inaccurate memories, dreams and memories are indistinguishable, you remember when you were a child, about four or five years old, when your parents took you to escape during the war, you lived in a large courtyard, but you What he was looking for was a big girl with a protruding chest, her memories and dreams were blurred.

Childhood is like smoke and mist, only a few bright spots emerge, how to restore the past that was submerged in the will?What is gradually revealed is also difficult to identify. I can't tell whether it is a memory or your fiction?And is the memory accurate?There is no coherence, jumping back and forth, and when you track it, the shining bright spot loses its luster and becomes a sentence, and all you can connect are some words.Can memory be recounted?You can't help but doubt, you also doubt the ability of the language mouth.So retelling memories or dreams is always because some beautiful things are flickering, giving you warm and fragrant longing and impulse, but what about sentences?

You remember that there was indeed a girl who sat on the same desk and the same bench as him. She was a very fair little girl. His pencil broke during an exam, and the girl found out and took her paper on the desk. And a box was pushed over, which was filled with all kinds of sharpened pencils. From then on, he noticed the girl, and on the way to and from school, he would also check to see if she was there. He picked up the girl and put it in the textbook When the class was over, the girl gave him a scented card. The boys in the same class saw it and booed: "Hello! How are they-." It made him flush, but maybe it was because of This kind of stimulation and warmth has been associated with women for him ever since.

Do you still remember a dream when you were a teenager, in a garden, the grass was not clipped and grew very tall, and there was a woman lying in the grass, a pure white nude, a cold marble sculpture, a novel by Merimee that he had read Ir's beauty had this dream after one.He slept next to the stone statue, he didn't know how he had intercourse, but his crotch was wet and cold, that was one night, he woke up in panic. You think of Bergman's old black and white film "Wild Strawberries", which captures an old man's anxiety about death so finely.You are probably getting old too.Another of his films, Whispers and Shouts, has three sisters and a voluptuous fat maid, in the torment of loneliness and lust and pain and fear of death, which arouse your empathy.Can literature or art communicate?There is no need to discuss it at all, but some people think it is impossible to communicate.But can Chinese literature also communicate?With whom?Same as the West?Or mainland Chinese and overseas Chinese?And what is Chinese literature?Literature also has borders.And is there a definition for Chinese writers?In mainland China, Hong Kong and Taiwan, are all Chinese-Americans considered Chinese?This involves politics again, let's talk about pure literature.Is there any pure and pure literature?Then talk about literature, so what is literature?These are all related to the topic of the meeting, and they are all contending endlessly.

You are tired of this kind of literary and political debate. China is so far away from you, and you have been expelled from this country long ago. You don’t need the label of this country, but you still write in Chinese, that’s all.