Chapter 2 two

He is called Lu Ke, but what he originally called was not "Ji", but Xi, which he likes.There are two elder sisters on the top of the head. After he was born, everyone in the Lu family was very happy, so they called him "Xi" for auspiciousness. People who live in the city feel that Duoyi and "Le" are very rustic, so they just call them Xi.One of Xi's older sisters is called Hua, and the other is called Juan, and the call is smooth, but I feel that there is something special about calling like that.When Xi was two years old, Xi's father was always in a bad mood. One day, he changed Xi's name to "粞".

Ji's name is a bit biased, and many people like to ask why Ji is called this name.I couldn't tell, but once I looked it up in the dictionary, and after chatting, I was very depressed.He couldn't figure out why his father used this "粞" instead. According to the dictionary, "粞" in written language refers to broken rice, while in dialect it refers to the skin that comes off from brown rice after rolling.It is mostly used as fodder for livestock. He thought that in the eyes of his father, he was just fodder for the livestock.Because of this idea, I couldn't cheer up for a long time.

Until recent years, when he suddenly woke up from his sleep one night, the moment he turned over and sat up, he thought of his father and his name, and he knew how accurate his father's judgment was for him. After that, I often pictured the image of my father in my heart.When he was less than three years old, his father disappeared forever.Jie hardly remembers his father's appearance at all. The old people in the neighborhood often say that he and his father look very much alike: even their manners and demeanors are the same. tidy.He is 1.83 meters tall, and he always wears well-cut clothes.Ji's beard is always clean-shaven and his nails are well trimmed. Because of this, an old man with a stooped waist, a wrinkled face and a beard extending all the way to his ears told Ji that he was his When I was with my father, I almost thought it was a psycho who was having fun with him.He just saw in the old man's eyes that they were almost the same as his own.

Ji's eyes are small.In addition, when he was young, he had lumps of green beans growing on his face. For this reason, people always laughed at him and said that his face was a plate of red beans and two black beans.But the small eyes seem to be able to gather light, and the two black beans of Ji are very attractive, which makes Ji attract people's attention because of them. He is often proud of it. He said that the eyes are not big, but the spirit is beautiful. On his father Cang Zhe's tired face, he also saw a kind of expression that others did not have, which was revealed from those small eyes.

Ji's father returned home from the countryside after receiving a notice to come back to implement the policy.When he entered, I was cutting trousers for a friend.Ji's tailoring skills are very good among friends.Jie received his father, poured water for him to wash his face and poured tea to quench his thirst.His father glanced at the cloth spread out on the bed as he served the teacup.Ji's father said, it can be a little more detailed here.It can be longer here.It was more portable to wear, and I was a little surprised for a while. Ji's father has been working as a tailor for many years in the countryside. He can't learn anything else, and he can learn this trade without a teacher.He relied on this craft to support himself for more than twenty years.

The craftsmanship of Ji is also figured out by himself.For this, I thought, even though I haven't seen each other for more than twenty years, no matter how I grew up behind his back, I still grew up to be so like his son.Because of this, Tie felt the mystery of human beings for the first time. All that Jie knew about his father in the past was a few words that his father scribbled on a piece of white paper before he left.I got this piece of paper from my mother and kept it carefully.Ji once showed these few words to Xingzi.Xingzi read a lot of books but couldn't find the source, but it was Ji's mother who said it later.Ji's mother said it was a Sanqu from the Yuan Dynasty.

This Sanqu has been engraved in my heart since I saw it, and I will never forget it.I keep it in my heart as the image of my father: The Sanqu is: Get the world's organs to see through, Knocking on the gate of heaven kills the mood, The people are destitute and the mountains are steep, There are thousands of years ahead, There are more than ten thousand years behind, What do you get when you measure half the cooking? First of all, I couldn't understand what my father meant when he wrote this.When I had a deep chat with Xingzi, I took it out to Xingzi. Xingzi looked at it for a while, and then said: "I don't really understand, I just think he is very pessimistic, hopeless and helpless. It seems that he is very pessimistic, hopeless and helpless. See through.

I think so too, thinking about what can be achieved in a half-cooked life, I really see it through. He told his mother about this idea. Ji's mother sneered and said: "There are more than tens of thousands of people who see through everything, but tens of thousands of people don't try to see through. Even if a person with a wife, children and a sense of responsibility sees through everything, You must also live without seeing through. This kind of bearing humiliation is the real seeing through, like your father, it is nothing more than an escape. He will never become a person who sees through."

That time I was shocked by my mother's thoughts, Mother knew father so deeply, so when mother and father met again after more than 20 years, mother showed contempt for father from her face to her gestures.Mother and father only spoke a word, and the quarrel began, and every three to five days thereafter, the cycle repeated. I often ask myself, who caused the tragedies in life of my father and mother?Is it a political movement or the living environment?is marriage itself.Is it fate?Or is it their own nature?He didn't want to find out the answer.I just feel that when life is happy, I never want to ask why, but when I am sad and angry, I keep asking this and that. I feel that I deeply understand why Qu Yuan asked the sky and questioned the sky one after another.

He is now at a low point in his life.I didn't dare to take the college entrance examination; my girlfriends blew it up one after another; the leaders didn't appreciate it, and my job wasn't ideal; plus I didn't have a quiet, somewhat warm home.He slept in his crib until his father came back.Mother's big bed is on the opposite side.The home is neatly organized by the tidy mother and the tidy him.He can rest alone in the quiet night, and quietly wipe away the blood after the injury.Facing the sun again the next day, head held high to take on new challenges.And now the father is back, and the father makes the neat and elegant home messy and dirty.The mother slept on the small bed, so I had to share the big bed with my father.The father's ravings and snoring at night made the once disturbed heart even more disturbed.He has no time and place to rest and recuperate himself, so he often goes to the house of one of his friends, Yong Zhi, to play cards.He used to look down on Yongzhi's habit of gambling when nothing happened, although Yongzhi is his best friend, but now, he is gradually standing on the same line with Yongzhi.The only difference is that Yongzhi is happy, but I am not happy. I just do this because I am bored and helpless.

It was a day in the summer of 1980.On the eve of summer, Wang Liu, the head of the loading station who always thought he would reuse and promote him, actually worked very hard and had a good personal relationship with Wang Liu when he selected an outstanding young man as a dispatcher. I ignored it.Wang Liu didn't seem to feel the existence of Ji.When his three candidates reported to the company, they did not agree, although they had received his promise earlier.Ji didn't say anything.After all, he is someone who has had some experience.It's just that he was a little taciturn for a while.After summer, the company approved it.The company approved a young man named Shen Ke, who was not one of the three candidates.No one at the porting station knew him.I felt a bit chivalrous in my heart.At that time, Wang Liu said to Yan: "I knew that the nephew of the company's manager Sun would be placed in our station, so I didn't let you be a candidate, lest you make such a fool of myself. I just laughed at Wang Liu's words. But when he mentioned this to Xingzi, he cursed angrily: "Fucking old fox fart!" Xingzi laughed, and Xingzi said: "You have smelled the old fox's coquettish for so long, and you thought it was a good smell, but unexpectedly you ate another fox's fart." Ji also laughed, don't you think so? Ji said: "Three people heard that the fox's fart is very smelly. They didn't believe it, so they asked. The first person was run away by the smell as soon as he entered the fox's house. The second person went in for five minutes, couldn't stand it, and ran away. After the three people entered, it was the fox who escaped from the house in a short time. The fox ran out and shouted in surprise: "I didn't expect him to be stronger than me. There are mountains and buildings outside the mountains." Xingzi laughed so hard that tears almost came out, Xingzi said: "The third person is Wang Liu, he is the one who didn't say anything." He was very happy; only when he was with Xingzi could he feel this kind of happiness.He can give full play to his intelligence, and let him say some words that are suppressed in daily life.At that time, I will have a feeling that I have done a thorough job in life. It's a pity that there is only one Xingzi in the world, a Xingzi who has become elusive because he missed the opportunity.