Chapter 15 Chapter 14 One Man's Death Is Another Man's Punishment

The wronged soul will eventually reach the side of the ghost. Sometimes it turns into a cloud, floats from there, and turns into rain to come to the world.The dead continue to fight living enemies in its special form. A man from a foreign land, or a man dressed as a foreign land, passed me on the stairs.To be precise, I first saw another shadow suddenly flashing beside my shadow. It was evening, halfway back from Widow He's room to my own.There was silence in the corridor, and the dim light scattered miserably from the light source and hit the wall. The light was like a dull sigh. After hitting the wall, the light was not reflected.

It was late summer and early autumn, and the cool breath seemed to come into the room along the stairs. I was in He's room before I met this stranger or someone who looked like a stranger.For the dinner we had together, she cooked several home-cooked dishes, including stewed peanuts, spicy cucumber sticks, fresh mushrooms soaked in oil, tofu pine, salted duck gizzards, oily tendons, and sweet rice wine for me, which was very delicious. The aroma of the food lingers in our mouths, and the rose-colored lights gather around the dining table.The faded printed sofa towels in the room, as well as those porcelain antiques such as the ingenious revolving neck bottles, fans, and book-style gold bell jars in the Qianlong period, added a sense of antiquity and privacy to her room. charm.The light illuminated her smooth skin and her slender legs as they walked up and down barefoot on the carpet.Her graceful upper body, which is constantly changing positions, and her inquiring head facing me are all wrapped in a closed halo, all of which prevent the moisture and noise outside the window from entering our atmosphere in the room.

When facing outsiders, He always has a kind of arrogance that has not gone away for years, but when she faces me alone, she exudes more of a "mother" atmosphere.This smell has always fascinated me. Growing up, I seldom experienced the warmth of such meticulous life in my own home.My parents were both obsessed with their work and had no interest in day-to-day chores.In my memory, my father almost never does it; and my mother is always under the pressure of time. I know that she loves me very much, and loves me deeply, but her love is an abstract love, Macroscopic love is not the housewife-like love of a hen for her own eggs in a broad sense.When she has to work, she is very reluctant, but out of love for me, she is willing to make some sacrifices.It's just that her sense of tragic "sacrifice" made me feel so stressed that I didn't want my mother to get more involved in the trivial housework of daily life.I always feel that it is not a lucky thing for a child to have that kind of "workaholic" parents who pursue career success.But ordinary parents can bring more family warmth and attachment to their children.

Both He and my mother have elegant and beautiful appearances, but there are obvious differences in their personalities.He's body always has a leisurely rhythm. She always has plenty of time, which is different from my family.That kind of interest in living comes from He's original heart.Since I was a child, all the sweaters and woolen pants I wore were knitted for me by He herself. She said that the texture of the sweaters bought from outside was not so warm, and the styles were repeated. She hoped that I would be different and unique in every way.Most of my clothes, including that of other members of my family in the past, were carefully selected by He Pai.She had my mother's elegant intellectual femininity, but also a very "housewife" charm.

At this moment, when I saw the food and vegetables prepared by He with great interest, my heart was indeed extremely warm. He told me that, in fact, not just anyone can enjoy the treatment of a "lover" like me. I am her special family member.If it were someone else who would sit on the side and talk but not move, she would not serve her. I was very happy to hear it.He casually picked up the book on the sofa, and flipped through the sentences that He had drawn with a pencil. I knew from a young age that Wo loved to read books.However, our interest in reading came together after I grew up and read a lot of books.More and more, we find that there is a broad fit in each other.

He said that she has been reading these days, and this thing looks like marijuana. I said, you should read something more relaxed, the ancients said, "Sit in a small window and read the Book of Changes. I don't know how long spring has passed", how much "spring" can we have in our lifetime! He said that she also reads light books, such as Zhang Jie's novel "Ark" and Yi Lei's poems. At that time, it was the late 1980s, when a hundred flowers bloomed and contended in China's literary and art circles.Every time He and I meet, we spend a lot of time talking about novels and life.The Chinese writers we talked about the most at that time, except for some male writers, were more often talking about a group of outstanding female writers out of our own female psychological perspective.There are also a group of foreign writers such as Borges, Joyce, Kafka, Edgar Allan Poe, and Faulkner.The kind of enthusiasm and intoxication we had when we talked about literature at that time has long since passed away and will never return.I believe that there will never be a more artistically passionate era than that time in the future.

That day, as He spoke slowly, her eyes gradually lit up, and she began to enter a state of excitement. When we clinked glasses again, He casually quoted a line from "The Ark" and said, "Cheers to women." I smile. He's room has a unique fragrance of mint, which is a pure scent from a single woman's bedroom. The tonal flame covered the skin around me and penetrated into the sensitive skin, causing the blood in my body to surge excitedly without the danger of bursting. He was wearing a light-colored dress, and the purple skirt was extremely gorgeous and dazzling.She flickered in front of and behind me from time to time, like a beam of restless silver moonlight, occupying my sight.

That night, she drank a little more wine, and she was particularly excited. She talked to me about her feelings about reading "Ark", and I kept nodding. We turned the TV down to the lowest volume, and it was just on the sidelines as a kind of background prop.There was some inexplicable tension in the room diluted by the combination of the two women. She recited long passages of Yi Lei's poems to me again,... embed me in your skin. "I want to bloom with you." Let my lips grow into your petals. "Let your branches grow into my fluffy hair." I breathe your yellow. "Transparent in everything...

He's voice shone brightly in the half-blind light, and every word that flowed from her lips was like a dazzling drop of water, dripping hot on my face. I said, I also like Yi Lei's poems very much. He got my echo and became even more excited. He simply picked up Yi Lei's collection of poems and recited the very sensational song "The Bedroom of a Single Woman" at that time. Guess who I know. "She is one and many." popped up in every direction. "It disappeared in an instant." She looked straight at it. "There is no trace of happiness." She was talking to herself, without sound. "She is muscular and fit, without heat." She is three-dimensional and flat. "You can't take anything she gives you." She can't belong to anyone. "

- She is me in the mirror. "The whole world divided by two." An odd number remains. " An independent monad with free movement. "A creative spiritual entity." - She is me in the mirror. "My wood-framed mirror is by the bed." It does this magic a hundred times a day. "You don't come to live with me... That day, due to my special state of mind, I was a little absent-minded and distracted.While admiring her excitement, my mind was involuntarily turning to other things. I would love to tell her about my relationship with T, about a relationship I had with a man I wasn't genuinely in love with.What would she think?Would she see me as an impure person, a bad girl?Will she stop liking me?

Over the past few days, I have been introspecting constantly, and I have found that I do not really love the man T. My yearning for him is just because he conveyed to me an inexplicable desire. This desire is like a leaf, accidentally thrown into the ups and downs. In the ups and downs of the river, the surge and extrusion of the water waves awakened the leaf from its ignorance.While it hurts, it is filled with wet fantasies and desires. I really want to talk to Wo—this woman who is older than me, whom I trust and attach to, so that her experience can become mine, and her clarity can dissolve my vague confusion.At this time, I found that I needed her so much. I want to tell her that the person I have really loved over the years is actually her. I often think of her care and love for me in the early years, and think of her intimacy and tenderness for me. This silent emotion grows with the passage of time. .I don't need anyone else to intervene in my life and body.I don't know what is throwing myself into this terrible mess and I don't know what to do?My wish is strangled on the edge of the cliff, one step forward is the abyss. All the secrets of sex and what I had discovered were emptied, and there was nothing but a blank in my mind.I felt that I was simply being drawn through a portal by the man who was desire incarnate, and I braved his quest.Like a traveler, he just traveled the body of a young female student. We just donated parts of our bodies, some organs to each other.Like working in the fields.His journey means nothing to me.Then I realized that this journey, this place to which I had dedicated myself, was really just an empty space, an illusion. And He is a house made of mirrors in my heart, in which I can see myself from any angle.All the blankness in her is my silence, and her joy always puts a smile on my face.When she watched me grow up day by day, holding the thorny iron fence of life tightly with her slender fingers, my hands immediately felt pain, and bright red blood would ooze from the fingers beads.She stood in front of the door frame of the house, with one hand on her forehead to shield from the harsh sunlight, and the other hand on her tired waist, looking at me like a big bird leaving the nest to forage alone The look on her face made me feel that she was my mother, but she was really not my mother.Since I was very young, she stood there alone and helpless, waiting for me, waiting for me to grow up.Anxiety and longing are in the air.All this made my lips lose all language to her, and I tried to say something, but it was impossible for me to find the right words.Only my body itself is my language. However, that night, He, a woman who has always been careful and considerate, seemed to have lost her emotional self-control.She ignored my reaction, ignored my silence. She just wandered intoxicated in other people's poems, and her cheeks were the color of red wine.Her excitement overwhelmed my words and wishes. Several times I wanted to interrupt her to talk about myself and us, but I stopped talking. When the program on TV came to an end, I stood up.I said, I'm tired, and I have to go to the academy tomorrow morning, so I have to go back to my room to rest. He seemed to realize something suddenly at this time, and stopped abruptly from the excited talk. She came up to me, looked at my face, touched my forehead with her finger, and said, "Are you feeling well today?" I said, "No, I'm just a little tired." Seeing my preoccupied appearance, He continued to ask uneasy, "Are you okay?" I said, "No. Let's talk another day. I have something to tell you. Another day." He said, "That, that's good. Go back and sleep well." She walked to the door, kissed me on the forehead, and said, "Good night, baby!" I came out of He's room and walked up the stairs slowly.There is no one in the corridor, the lights are vague like a code word, and the shadows are shaking, making it look sneaky. I was absent-mindedly lost in my own thoughts as I took the keys out of my pocket. At this moment, I met the stranger in the corridor. When he passed by me lightly, I smelled a smell of rotten soil or sewage. The hunger, thirst and filth exuded from his body seemed to be a person who was chased by death non-stop, and he was sleepy and tired.It seemed that some kind of ghostly thing was haunting him, causing him to stray from the real way, and keep escaping from one place to another. I noticed that his hair swelled like weeds.His eye sockets were deep-set, embedded in a blackened face, and the light emitted from there was not so much a gaze as a faint shadow flashing from the cracks in the ground.When we suddenly met unexpectedly in the corridor and passed by each other, I felt that his body shook imperceptibly as if touched by something invisible, and the nerves in his whole body tensed up vigilantly .A package on his back was immediately moved to the side away from me. His alertness aroused mine. As he slid past me, I turned back to look at him again. Then.I found that I seemed to have seen this strange man many years ago.But how long ago, and who he was, I can't remember. After returning to my room, facing the open window, I tried my best to recall the traces associated with this man in the past. Only strange birds flash past my window, echoing in the drowsy air. I curled up on the sofa, feeling tired and drowsy, I closed my eyes slightly. I saw some past years rise up together with the dust, and groups of old acquaintances men and women put on wings and flew past the window, the dirt and rust marks on their bodies shook into the air, making the sound of falling and smashing.I walked deep and shallow in the quagmire of memory. There was garbage and rot everywhere, and strange weeds and poisonous fungi were growing. Only the chestnut forest in the distance was calling.There is a trail that leads there, but the trail breaks off in the middle and I can't go on. I tried my best to look forward in my memory, but there was no one. At this time, a name seemed to be lifted from the silence by the night wind. It spit out from many lips, floated in the air, and floated from the other side of the street to this side of my window.It trembled, shining bloody luster in the blue-black night, and I couldn't catch it.Vaguely, I saw a dead person standing tall. I looked closely and found that she seemed to be a woman from the Ge family, but her face was blurred and swollen. Filled with blood, it turned outward like a twisted petal.I saw her protesting in the ranks of the ghostly innocents, howling horribly, but the echoes in the air were faint. I listened in horror. Finally, the faint sound was drowned out by a real roar of heavy vehicles rumbling past outside the window. I opened my eyes, stood up, walked to the window, closed half of the window, thought for a while, and closed the other half of the window.However, the sense of isolation still can't make me concentrate my thoughts and evoke the memory associated with the stranger I met in the corridor. In the end, I had to give up. After rushing through the shower, I lay down in bed and turned out the lights. At this time, it began to rain outside, and huge raindrops fell from high altitude onto the asphalt road, crackling and crackling, like countless horseshoes or four-legged animals galloping. ... The noise outside the window seemed to pull me into a grand party. A woman spun over from a corner of the dance floor, staring at me with burning and longing eyes. Her warm hand kept I was looking for my hand, and when she finally touched me, I realized that she was He. She said, let's go dance. I said, how do we dance? Wo said, why can't the two of us dance?Listen, this is the most modern piece of music, and there is no distinction between men's and women's steps.Then.We were dragged onto the dance floor by the dizzying music, and she led my hand toward the center of the crowd, our steps echoing through the crowded space without touching anyone.Then, we danced a step dance that does not distinguish between men's steps and women's steps. The lights flickered and changed dizzying colors, and I saw the faces of all the people deformed.He and I hug each other tightly, for fear that the other party will accidentally become someone else.My partner's frantic heartbeat beats like a bongos drum on my breasts.A vague heat emanated from her body, wrapping me involuntarily.She clung to my body tightly, holding my young buttocks with both hands, and I couldn't help breathing loudly with excitement. At this time, I was led by her bright eyes to a narrow open space with a slope, and we danced along this intestine-like corridor to the fence at the end.I just discovered that this is an abandoned garden.We stop.It was dimly lit here, and I just followed her desperately, thinking nothing of it, feeling myself paralyzed in a kind of warm waiting. She began to unbutton my blouse, and my heart beat so violently that it disturbed her composure so much that her fingers no longer obeyed her.I was silently at her disposal.When she undid my dress, she didn't take it off, she just let it go and pushed my hair back, exposing my whole forehead and face.Then, she took a few steps back, keeping her distance from me at a position that is neither too close nor too far away, that is to say, neither too close to lose enough aesthetic distance to appreciate my figure , and not so far away that it is indistinct in the dim light. Then, she began to undress herself, and stood across from me in the same posture as me.We appreciate each other.My heart was harassed by an inexplicable anxiety, I was eagerly looking forward to her revealing the beauty of her body as soon as possible, every posture of her made me feel intensely perfect, shaking all my desires. She is my mirror. We stared at each other for a long time.He stared at me with her slightly melancholy but also full of inquiry eyes. I have never captured such a connotative expression on such a woman's face full of intelligence and affection.Her neat and lustrous short hair, as well as the contemplative furrow at the corner of her lips, perfectly reflect her inner composure, profundity and vicissitudes. It is safe to say that at this moment I look at her far more clearly than she looks at me. A dizzy feeling rose from the soles of his feet. At this time, she came forward and kissed my cheek, just like a long time ago, her smooth skin and contours touched my skin, and I felt the familiar fragrance, warmth and convex and concave lines. My heart whispered my name, which made my heart flutter and tremble like in the early years. I finally heard her with my heart and caught her with my heart.At the same time, I feel ashamed of my relationship with T some time ago and my "fall". I feel that I have betrayed her and hurt her. Suddenly, my body couldn't hold it anymore, and I desperately longed for some kind of breath.At this time, from nowhere, that familiar "third hand" stretched out towards my body inexplicably. I couldn't care more, and quickly went up to it. I was bathed in a strange desire, everything around me seemed to melt, and the skin of my body was drowned in overexcited numbness. After we relax, we hang our heads wearily and stand still to catch our breath. Suddenly, I suddenly saw that my partner's legs lost their former slenderness and beauty, and became powerful and strong like a tree that grew and expanded rapidly in an instant.I looked up the stallion's strong legs, and I saw that my partner had become another person, a man.I flashed back quickly and I said, what's going on? He smiled. I said, I don't need you. He said, your desire needs me. My face was flushed, and I said, I don't need you in my heart. He said, you don't know yourself, what you need is actually me. I was anxious that she would look around to see where He was, and I felt a sense of being teased in my heart. I broke away from this man and said loudly to him, I don't need you, I don't need you at all... A deafening explosion woke me up. The explosion awakened all the sleep in the building and overwhelmed the noise of the continuous rain. After the explosion, there was a strange silence all around, and then, a woman's piercing howl sounded in the corridor, "Come... help... help..." There was another deathly silence. Then, there was the clanging sound of the anti-theft iron door opening in the corridor, as well as the sparse sound of shoes scrambling. Next, the commotion grew louder and louder. Only then did my consciousness return to my body, and I jumped off the bed and rushed straight to the door.At this time, there was a strong knock on my door. I opened the door with a bang, and saw Shihe standing outside the door, she was terrified. He said, "Are you okay?" Without saying a word, I grabbed her and ran to my mother's room. At this time, many people crowded out of the corridor, and everyone asked each other what caused the explosion.I didn't care about striking up a conversation with anyone, so I rushed to the door of my mother's room in three steps and two steps, and knocked hard. There is no response inside. I know that my mother is a very awakened person.This lack of response immediately made my legs tremble. While yelling loudly, I kept pounding on the door with my fist. He said, go back and get the key. When we finally opened the door of mother's room, rushed to her bed, and shook her awake vigorously, we were surprised to find that she was fine and safe.Moreover, she did not hear the explosion. A stone in my heart finally fell to the ground. The mother said that she had been feeling unwell for the past few days and couldn't sleep.So before going to bed at night, she took an excessive amount of sleeping pills. There was no light in the corridor, and He and I followed a few neighbors who had already discovered the scene of the accident in the indigo-blue night light, and groped upstairs to the house where the accident happened. The door of the daughter of the Ge family was already full of people. She was pale, paralyzed and trembling at the open threshold, and kept saying, "Help my dad! The kitchen... The pressure cooker..." Her husband kept bouncing while holding his crying son. At this time, I suddenly remembered that the familiar "foreigner" I met in the corridor at night turned out to be a man from the Ge family. After so many years of disappearance, he finally emerged from the corner of the world and returned to his home. I nervously followed a few neighbors into the house and looked into the kitchen.Then, I was so horrified by what I saw that I was about to throw up. The "stranger", that is, the man from the Ge family, was lying on the dark red stone floor in the kitchen, red and white paste was all over his head, and on his left shoulder, there was a The deformed and crooked pressure cooker, the mung bean porridge in the pot has been sprayed to nothing, and the lid of the pot has gone to nowhere.At the base of his head above the base of his left ear, there was a round hole, from which gray brains and sauce-like blood still flowed out.Very disgusting. At this time, a middle-aged man who was a doctor in the building came. He squatted down and stretched out a hand.He touched the neck of the Ge family man who was lying motionless on the ground, then stood up and said, "It's over. People in this situation will be over in a few seconds." I couldn't stand it any longer, so I ran out.