Chapter 9 I don't feel like home anymore

It was only when I received a letter from my father that I remembered that it had been four or five months since I left the family. My father cared about my studies and my health, and asked me whether I had abided by the commandment of "being cautious and independent".My father's very standard classical Chinese letters, and the unique cursive ink marks brought a distant memory back to my heart.So familiar, yet so old. The basketball game between the classes is going on, I continue to perform my clothes rack duties, my father's letter is in my pocket, and the fierce competition on the court is tugging at my nerves.Someone was pulling my arm, and when I turned around, it was Tian Fang.What's the matter, can't wait until the game is over?I just can't walk away from this critical moment.But she pulled my sleeve and forcibly pulled me out of the den.

"I'll tell you something." She said, "Someone from the county publicity department informed the school that our opera "The White-haired Girl" will be performed in the countryside." "Really?" I asked hurriedly. "Really." Tian Fang said, "Teacher Wang told me just now that I asked you to go and discuss it." "When's the show?" I asked. "Winter vacation." Tian Fang said, "It's going to be a vacation soon." Tian Fang and I found Teacher Wang's house and fully confirmed this matter.This is undoubtedly a glorious task. Teacher Wang was also very happy and asked me what difficulties I had.I said that there is no difficulty, but I should go home. After the holiday, I have no time. Teacher Wang gave me two days off and asked me to go back to school before the exam. The final exam will be next week.

"Your father may not recognize you when you go back this time." Teacher Wang said with a smile, "You can scare the old man!" Tian Fang looked at me, pursed her lips and smiled.I laughed too. Coming out of Mr. Wang's house, I walked towards the playground again, still thinking about the final victory or defeat of the crash class two.Tian Fang yanked me hard: "So fans! I have something to tell you." I had to stop. "Give me the list of flowers you wrote down at the fundraiser," she said. "What do you want to do?" I asked. "it works."

"What is it for?" "Don't worry about it." "If you don't make it clear, I won't give it to you." She had no choice but to say: "I want to keep it. After I graduate, I have salary income, and I will pay double to every classmate who raised money!" "Oh! This—" I said, "this...is not good." "Why is it not good?" Tian Fang said, "I feel really sorry and uneasy!" "That... at least for me, it would be sad!" I said. "What is it that hurts you?" she asked. "Our fundraising is entirely out of a kind of resistance to feudal marriage." I said, "Some of those classmates from other classes have never spoken to you at all, and you don't know them. Why do they volunteer? What about donations? Think about it..."

"I understand." She said, "Even so, I should pay it back. I understand the feelings of my classmates..." "Of course, it's up to you to decide how to deal with this matter." I said, "But please don't pay me... anything!" "Then... alright!" She pondered, "Give me that list, and I will keep it. It is more precious than anything else!" "That's good!" I said, "I'll make a copy for you, and I'll keep a copy. How many years will it be like when you see this list? Ah... there are hundreds of hearts!"

"How well you said it!" Tears welled up in Tian Fang's eyes, and she said in a low, trembling voice, "A heart that is more precious than gold!" After breakfast at school, I set off, and when I returned to my hometown Yangxu Village on Dongyuan, Mu Yun was in harmony.The days in winter are short, and it takes a whole day to walk back eighty or ninety miles.I am in a good mood. I have been away from home for almost half a year. What will it be like at home? I stood at the door, the gate tower stood upright in the cold twilight, and the inscription on the door plaque of "Read Geng Biography" that made the whole family proud, was a bit lonely and a bit outdated with the indifference of the almanac, and I walked into the yard.

A lot has changed in the yard.The wing room where my daughter-in-law and I lived smelled of cow dung and urine. As soon as I poked my head, I saw a yellow cow chewing grass on the trough.Walking into the upper room, the house where the parents lived was separated from the middle and divided into two houses.My father was sitting on the heated kang in the small south room, smoking a cigarette, and my mother was sitting on the other side of the kang.The weather is cold, and everyone is sitting on the kang. Under the dim kerosene lamp flame, my father stretched out his head to identify me.I called him.He got down from the kang in surprise, sat on the chair, and looked at me from head to toe.My mother also slipped off the kang, went out, and led my daughter-in-law in from the outside.

"Sir, wipe your face." She put the wash water in front of me. She still calls me Mr., which is what she called me after marriage. Now I am not Mr., but a student of a normal school. She still calls me that way, which sounds like a lifetime ago. "Sir, what do you want to eat?" She asked behind her. "Cook something to eat." I said, and heard her ask my mother again, what should I cook.On the contrary, my answer embarrassed her.Mother finally ordered the recipe for thin noodles in clear soup, and she quietly walked out of the house.I knew in my heart that her words and behaviors were all developed in my home after marriage.Asking someone to wash their face is called "wiping face", washing hands is called "cleaning hands", and eating is also called "eating". These are all my father's family rules.These things that I used to be commonplace now sound like a joke.

My father stretched his neck under the lamp and looked at my clothes. I just realized that when I walked out of the house, I was wearing a blue robe, and there was a spare blue robe in the small bag. It's a top hat.It was the first time my father saw the Lenin uniform I was wearing and the octagonal hat on my head, and he stared at me so harshly. "Did you change the blue robe?" asked the father. "It's changed." I was a little uneasy, would my father be angry? "I used a blue robe...to modify this outfit." "Changed it! Well, it's good!" The father smiled and nodded, "Now Mr. is not happy to wear robes."

My heart was happy, and my father was also changing with the changes in life. I sat on the edge of the kang and chatted with my father about the daily routine. During the six months I had been away from home, the family had disintegrated.My father was very sad, saying that people's hearts and customs are no longer simple, and even my two uncles are playing tricks on him in the family.During the land reform, the three brothers hugged my grandpa’s magic box gratefully and cried and laughed for a while. Seeing that there was no risk, the government went all out to encourage farmers to develop production. Forgot to buy cattle, buy land, and build more houses. I no longer listen to my father's orders, and I don't take my father's position as the master established by my grandfather seriously.Controversies occurred from time to time, contradictions were difficult to cover up, and finally disintegrated.

"Short-sightedness!" My father briefly narrated this incident to me, and said disdainfully, "Your uncle and second uncle are all short-sighted!" I couldn't figure out who was right and who was wrong in the family for a while, so I didn't want to mix things up, and I didn't think it was very interesting. Since I couldn't live on, it was no big deal for each family to live its own life. "Anyway, you should go and say hello to your uncle and your second uncle." My father said, "The family is separated and you return home. If you study outside, you should act as if you were together in the past. You must practice all the etiquette, and don't be as knowledgeable as these people." I nodded and went to see my uncle. The uncle lives in the back room next to the landlord. He is having dinner, so he put down his chopsticks and asked me to sit down.I didn't mention a word about family conflicts, but praised me for being promising, and I looked like a cadre in the new society. "This new society is really good!" said the uncle. "When the officials of the Kuomintang entered the village, the people were so frightened that they jumped over the wall. They hid, ran, and even lost their shoes! Now As soon as the cadres of the Communist Party entered the village, the common people surrounded them with a whoosh, scrambling to pull them into the house at mealtime... My God, that day, Comrade Yang pulled out the cigarette pouch from my mouth. , put it in your mouth and smoke it! Look at how close the public officials are today..." I am also very touched.In the early days of liberation, ordinary people who were accustomed to being bullied by Kuomintang officials and bandits were the most sensitive to the style of the Communist Party cadres and talked about it the most. Although I am no longer surprised, I am still very moved. "Study hard, and work hard in the future." Uncle said, "You can work outside, and the Xu family is proud!" I bid farewell to my eldest uncle, and walked into the door of my second uncle's room. The second uncle was mixing grass for the animals. He threw down the stick and led me to the wing room where he lived: "The room is narrow and there is no place to sit. You sit on the edge of the kang." "We were one family when you left, but we have become three families when you come back." The second uncle smiled.This unabashed statement of the reality of family separation made me feel real.He smiled and said, "The water in the world is flowing eastward, no matter how hard it is for the brothers to end up. In my opinion, it's better to divide it up, so as to avoid a lot of trouble. Whoever has any ability should become his own spirit!" I was very close to my second uncle, so I agreed with him with a smile. "Second uncle will not turn corners in his life." The second uncle said with straight neck, "Your father used to be able to control the housekeeper. Now he can't control it, why? It's a new society! He wants to be the master of the house at home. The cadres of the government are talking about the equality of men and women! So, in the past, when your father talked in the house, no one objected to it, but now he is not convinced! It made him very angry...I say it’s good to divide!" "It's good to divide!" I said to my second uncle, "My father's housekeeping rules will definitely not work, and the more they go on, the more they will not work." "Yes! Eldest nephew, you watched a game of chess with the second uncle." The second uncle said, "For example, the government sent cadres to our village to promote the development of production all day long! Your father still follows your grandfather's idea when he was alive. , "The house needs to be small, the land needs to be small, and the old cow should be raised slowly." It is not in line with the party's policy! I am not satisfied either. No, as soon as the family was separated, I bought a good cow and gave birth to a calf a year , is half of the family property..." The second uncle is a straightforward farmer. I have always liked him very much, and I feel very real when he speaks frankly. "A time of peace that can't be dreamed of!" The second uncle said, "No soldiers, no taxes, and a little more public grain a year. Farmers never dared to dream of a good world! Eldest nephew, second uncle said something To tell the truth, whoever has a bad life nowadays will not only not get sympathy from the neighbors, but will be ridiculed by others! What's wrong? He must be a lazy guy!" I was amused by his naivety, and my brother came over and asked me to eat. I went back to the upper room where my father lived, sat down to eat, a bowl of clear soup and thin noodles, which was very delicious, and after eating, I reported to my father about the learning situation in the normal school.My father was not surprised either. He was probably used to many changes in the new society.He said lightly: "The new school teaches like that, so you can learn like that! Anyway, regardless of the new school or the old school, in a word, Han Yu said, 'Preaching the teachings and solving puzzles!' Being a student, seeking knowledge, It is still necessary to remember that 'the capable and the diligent are the ones who play, and the formations are the ones that are destroyed by thinking.' Is it true that Xinxuetang will not object to this?" "The school advocates studying hard, and the teacher pays close attention to it." I said, "Our study is still very intense." "It's good to be nervous." My father said, "If you want to become a scholar, you have to work hard." After I asked him about the separation, he was too busy. "I will take care of everything in the house, and your brother can do it too." Father said, "You concentrate on your study. Remember, pay attention everywhere, don't be crazy!" My heart skipped a beat.My father obviously didn't understand my living conditions at school, and he was still vaccinating me. "Some people in the village are so crazy!" My father said contemptuously, "I don't know a single word, and they run around the world for meetings! There are a few young women who run around in meetings in the middle of the night, so crazy that they are going to heaven! I heard the other day , that Yang Fakui has joined the party! Such a second-rate guy, the Communist Party actually takes a fancy to that guy..." There was a chill in my heart.The people my father can't understand and the things I can't figure out, but I have surpassed them in normal school.His censure of the men and women running around the world to meetings disgusted me, and I couldn't hear his sarcasm about them.So he persuaded him: "The farmer just turned over, happy...don't pour cold water on them, don't make sarcastic remarks..." "What did I say he was doing?" my father said disdainfully, "I just watched these people go crazy, and didn't say anything! You—" my father looked at me, "in school, you must be careful in your words! I saw that in the village The madness of these people reminds you...don't be crazy!" I lowered my head to drink water, avoiding my father's menacing gaze. "Do you still remember the word 'Shen Du' I wrote to you?" "Remember." "Go and rest," said the father. I go to my house.The original wing room became a cattle pen, and my house was moved to the north room of the west room in the upper room separated from my father by a wall. "Sir, you drink tea." My daughter-in-law said. "I pour it myself," I said. "Sir, you wash your feet." "I'll wash it myself later." I sat down and still caught her poured tea.She sat on the edge of the kang, picked up the sole of her shoe again, and didn't look at me.I sat in the chair and didn't speak for a while.I suddenly wanted to smoke a cigarette, even though I had never tasted cigarettes, and now I really want to smoke a cigarette.I said to her, "Don't call me Mr. from now on." "Then..." She raised her head, then lowered it again, "What's your name?" "Call me by name," I said. "What's that like?" she said in a panic. "It's been too long to call me Mr.!" I said. "I called from the house," she said. I did not insist any longer, and her excessive respect for me, even with a deep-rooted timidity, made me sick.She was ashamed of being ugly and uneducated, and that cowardly look made me uncomfortable.I suddenly thought of Tian Fang, the gesture of pressing the keys to correct my singing sentence by sentence, and the moving scene of singing "Turnover Song" in the auditorium of the normal school... A thought flashed like a flash of lightning in my mind, and hurriedly Suddenly disappeared, and I was shocked myself: What will happen to her if I propose to divorce her?What will happen to my father?What will happen to this family? The next day, I left, and I was so eager to go back to that warm group immediately.