Chapter 15 Chapter fifteen

When November gradually approached, a group of us reunited in our rented villa to celebrate Gu Lima's birthday. When all of us were sitting around the dining table happily preparing to start dinner, Gu Li's mother sneaked into the kitchen and pulled out two of the fifty-one thin candles that were stuck on the cake quickly and nimbly. Throw it into the trash can. She looked at the remaining forty-nine candles and was very satisfied. Gu Yuan cooked a whole table of dishes, except for Gu Li, everyone of us expressed our sincere surprise and admiration, and Gu Li, even with his eyes closed, could imagine the look of meanness on her face. Neil couldn't hide his complacency, but he wanted to pretend he didn't care. Neil ran over to sit with me, and refused to sit next to her.

Tang Wanru gave Gu Lima a small coat, and Lin Yilan was very happy. She said excitedly at the dinner: "You know, I have always worn silk and wool, and I have never felt the texture of artificial chemical fiber fabrics. I must try it!" Unknowingly, we have spent a lot of days in this beautiful and clean villa that looks like a nationally protected building. We stay together every day, sharing each other's joys and happiness, and of course, there are always times when we share each other's pain (or more precisely, transfer our own pain to each other), or pour coffee on each other, and then hug each other. Cry together and say I love you.

Neil and I shared a kiss(...), of course it was punishment after losing a card game. When we gritted our teeth and frowned and shared each other's saliva, Tang Wanru stamped his feet in the pose of a pink girl beside him, very unhappy: "This is obviously a reward!" After we parted, Neil said to me affectionately: "I love you, my sister." I also responded emotionally: "I love you, my princess!" Neil stood up and walked in without looking back. Room. I was puzzled, and turned to Gu Li: "Did I say something wrong?" Gu Li's hands were covered with the new nail polish he just bought, and he was stretching himself like a crab. Putting both hands in the same posture as the jazz dancers on Broadway, he said to me: "Honey, you are not wrong, what you said is very good, I think you should write a book, call it."

I patted Gu Li, who was flaunting his claws, and said embarrassedly: "You have won the prize. I have finished reading the book you mentioned. I really like the author, Gu Li. This woman must have a lot of life experience." , she looks like an old woman who has gone through many vicissitudes." Tang Wanru was still rubbing her temples beside us, obviously, she still couldn't understand what we were talking about. Gu Yuan, who was flipping through the newspaper, casually said to us: "I want to see Lai Shengchuan's play Gu Li and I stopped and looked at him seriously. He slowly stretched out a hand from behind the newspaper, obediently making a gesture of "I was wrong".

Of course, Gu Li and her mother also shared a wardrobe. This sounds like another important agreement reached after "my country and Thailand have achieved zero tariffs on 188 kinds of vegetables and fruits since October 1, 2003." agreement. Even though the two of them had persuaded each other for a whole week with their oratorial eloquence, they still failed to achieve any results. Gu Li held her mother's hand with tears in her eyes and said, "Mom, I can share everything in my life with you, except my wardrobe." After finishing speaking, she glanced at Gu Yuan, who was staring at her fiercely with "Hey, I am here.", and said, "Why are you staring at me!"

Finally, after she couldn't stand Lin Yilan hanging all kinds of evening dresses in the living room, she opened her closet in grief. Of course, she did not forget to share her pain with others, so when she opened the closet, she shouted loudly: "Come on Neil, it's time to come out of the closet!" (Implying Neil coming out.) Neil`Tang Wanru`Gu Li and I will also sit together on weekend afternoons when we are both resting, as we did when we were in college. The high-end coffee poured from the kitchen. When we chat, we will think of Nan Xiang. Although she has never contacted us again, we miss her very much.

Tang Wanru often said with tears in her eyes: "I really miss the life of our four girls." Gu Li always hugged her shoulder very tenderly, glanced at Neil out of the corner of his eye, and comforted her by saying, "Don't be sad, we are still four 'girls' living now." Tang Wanru still didn't understand, with question marks all over her face. Her puzzled face looked very innocent and cute, like the pet in my dream, Ruru, if you remember——yes, that quail, Ruru Such as. Of course, Gu Yuan ran to our place every three days, and later, of course, he put his pajamas, some new underwear, his Philips sonic toothbrush, his LV towel, and his Dolce&Gabbana shower gel here .

Neil, as the only male tenant here—at least it says so in the passport—has shared more with Gu Yuan, to the point of outrageous. Both Tang Wanru and I often heard Gu Li yelling at the two of them in an impatient voice (sometimes they were listening to music together with the same pair of earphones, sometimes Gu Yuan asked Neil "you can put my Have these shorts been washed together?", sometimes the two of them get together to watch Madonna's concert and scream, and sometimes they come back from the gym topless and pinch each other's muscles), saying: "You should give up! You two can't marry in China!"

And some people have left our lives forever, such as Jian Xi, I never saw him again. No text messages from him, no phone calls from him. He disappeared in Shanghai where winter is slowly coming. Gu Yuan didn't mention him either. No one around me mentioned him again. It was a very strange feeling, a person who lived with us for so many years suddenly disappeared in our life one day. It seemed that everyone didn’t feel anything, and continued to live forward, sad`sorrowful `Joy` excited... Our lives seem to be no different. But I know that in a life that looks exactly the same, some things can never go back.

During the period when he just left me, I always dreamed of him, and I often cried very sadly in the dream. In the dream, he was also crying, or he was walking on the road, and I called him, but he would never hear .In the dream, his face was no longer so youthful, but rather haggard, just like he had a high fever for a year and didn't shave for many days in a row. But later, I gradually became more and more feverish to dream about him. He left my world just like that. Nan Xiang also left our life. She disappeared as thoroughly as Jian Xi. In the winter when the weather is getting colder and colder, I start to spend a lot of time with Sogo.

I don't know why, when I answered Gu Li's question, I said to her: "Maybe it's because I suddenly don't have a boyfriend, and coincidentally, he doesn't have one either." Gu Li bowed her head seriously and seriously Thinking deeply, he nodded and said, "That makes sense...does he have a girlfriend?" When I wanted to spit at her, he pinched my chin. Sogo applied for a lot of out-of-hospital treatment time. It was said to be treatment, but in fact it was just me accompanying him, living a life that he rarely lived before—the life of ordinary people. I was wearing a hat, sunglasses, and wrapped in a scarf Chin-chinned him, go to various occasions, such as watching movies, shopping, and eating in various snack streets. But unlike ordinary people, he still goes to Hang Lung to buy newspapers (at this point, he and His damn brother is exactly the same). When the weather was colder, I went to Qixing Ski Resort with him to ski, This is the first time in my life to go skiing. I called Gu Li excitedly while stepping on my skis in the ski resort, and told her: "Gu Li! Guess where I am?" "Is it Giordano's autumn discount?" Gu Li was sarcastic on the phone. "No! I'm skiing at Qixing Ski Resort! Ski! Snow!" I didn't want to pay attention to her humiliation. "Stop, stop! Are you planning to continue skating hua! x-ue, snow! Spell it out for me, right?" Gu Li interrupted me on the phone, "By the way, where is the Seven Star Ski Resort? Minhang? It's disgusting..." "No, outside Minhang, Qibao!" I sympathized with Gu Li very much, every time she got out of Central, she would vomit. "Thank you for making me sick even more. Qibao? Why didn't you tell me that you were going to travel far away? I can ask the company to help you book a cheap air ticket!" She angrily hung up the call from the outer ring suburbs of Shanghai . After Gu Li hung up the phone, she continued to deal with her messy company accounts on her notebook. Lan Jue approached with a cup of coffee, put it down, and gently opened the window of Gu Li's office a little bit to let fresh air blow in. Gu Li took a sip of coffee, a taste she had never tasted before, she raised her head and looked at Lan Jue with mysterious eyes, with a questioning expression on her face. Lan Jue answered her silently with a more mysterious and weird smile. Before going out, he said to Gu Li: "You need to take collagen pills at 3 o'clock in the afternoon, and you have an appointment with Jacko at 5 o'clock in the afternoon, and after 7:30 in the evening, Don't forget to go to the opera hall." He closed the door and went out. A few seconds later, the door opened again, and he added with a smile: "Don't bother to remember, I will remind you again before the time comes." Gu Li picked up the vibrating cell phone and saw the multimedia message he had just received. The photo showed me in extremely heavy clothes, and Sogo, who was equally heavy, on the white snow, smiling happily and brilliantly. Gu Li also couldn't help laughing. She turned her head and saw the window that Lan Jue had opened just now, a icy cold wind was blowing in, and it was comfortably pressed against her face. I talked with Chong Guang about the story between me and Jian Xi, he always looked at my face seriously and listened to me crying and crying. Every time I see his serious eyes through tears, I feel a kind of distress. Why would this gentle and handsome young boy in front of me, the idol who is crazily worshiped by all kinds of girls and boys all over the country, not live long. Because I am an atheist, so I dare to hate God in my heart. But Chong Guang looks very energetic, not like a person with cancer at all. Apart from looking a little thin, he looks very good. It's just that he hardly eats anything, and occasionally he gets thirsty after shopping, and after drinking some drinks, he will Sitting on a chair by the side of the road, bent over to rest for a long time. I have heard people talk about it, and I have also asked the doctor. At this stage of his symptoms, there will be a lot of pain, which cannot be relieved by taking painkillers. But in front of me, nothing seems to happen to Chongguang Same. He didn't tell me or show it, so I couldn't ask. Also, I tried not to mention anything about cancer in front of him. I knew what I was avoiding. It's like a person who is tied to a timer, pretending not to hear the sound of the timer ticking and counting down. It's all evasion. He also needs to go back to the hospital frequently. When he felt lonely, I went to see him from the company. Gong Ming had no objection, and he also hoped that someone could accompany Chong Guang more—in Chong Guang's remaining life. In fact, I understand in my heart that I am not accompanying him at all, but need someone to accompany me. I want to slowly regain my strength to get out of this short dark time away from Jianxi. Day after day, sometimes I take Sogo's clothes to the dry cleaners, and then take his clothes to the hospital, he doesn't like to wear patient clothes, he feels like he's dying in that thing all the time So, more and more famous brands are hung in the closet in his ward. I call his closet Little Hang Lung. Sometimes he would pull me to sit down on the floor and play games with him. However, I don’t have that talent. In the midst of the dazzling bullets and ZD, I can’t walk twice before falling to the ground. Chongguang seems to be covered in They are all like landmines, and you can’t die when you charge left and right in the hail of bullets. Once I was very unconvinced and complained: "Why are you still not dead!" He stopped moving after hearing this, and fell silent. After a while, he whispered Said: "It should be soon." The soldier on the TV screen stopped as his handle stopped, and after a while, he was shot and fell to the ground. Sogo grinned nonchalantly: "Look, die Right." His smile looked sad in the setting sun. The sunlight illuminated the blue stubble around his chin into a golden yellow, making him look like a handsome member of the British royal family. Sometimes I accompany him to bask in the sun by the lake in the hospital. The sun in winter is getting less and less. The grass on the lake has turned into a sickly color between green and yellow, and it looks particularly unspiritual. Sogo Sometimes sitting on the grass in a daze, his hair was tanned golden by the sun, including his skin, his pupils, and his slender fingers, all became golden and transparent under the sun, as if they were about to melt into the air and disappear No, I sometimes stand in the distance, without disturbing him, secretly take out my mobile phone, and take a picture of his beautiful appearance in the sun like an elf. He is like a young angel, with a layer of dazzling gold plating on his body . On a rainy evening, I returned home after sending some fruits to Sogo. In the living room, Gu Yuan and Gu Li were sitting next to each other without speaking to each other. The room was silent, and I was a little frightened when I saw the look on Gu Yuan's face. A few months ago, at Gu Li's birthday party, I've seen similar looks. Feeling a bit overwhelmed, I went up to them and sat down, mustered up all my courage, feigned humor, and asked jokingly, "Who's dying?" Gu Yuan raised his head and looked at me without saying a word. At that moment, my heartbeat seemed to stop. I had an intuition that I was right. When my face was pale, Gu Yuan said softly to me: "Jian Xi is leaving, leaving Shanghai, the flight tonight." I don't know why. Hearing this news, my whole body suddenly relaxed, and I even felt like I wanted to drink. I shrugged my shoulders, smiled, and said, "Look, almost, whether it's death or leaving Shanghai, it can be described as 'he's leaving'." Gu Li, Gu Yuan and I, the three of us are sitting in the living room where the light is getting darker and darker. Afterwards, Gu Li couldn't bear it anymore, got up and turned on the light. Gu Yuan said to me: "Lin Xiao, I know that Jian Xi has always loved you. I don't believe in those messy things. I only know that he must love you. For so many years, I grew up with him intimately. , I know him like you know Gu Li." His face looked a little excited, and I knew he was a person who was hardly excited. The only time I knew he cried was when Gu Li met him for the first time. separate. "I think everything else is bullshit. It doesn't matter who you sleep with or who you kiss. When you love someone, you want to be with him for the rest of your life. For a long time, to accompany him, warm him, and spend a lot of money with him." Just like Gu Li, no matter what happens to her, I still love her, even though she is also entangled with that person who is not as good as a dog." I saw Gu Li move, wanting to argue with him. But she looked at the pained expression on my face, held back, and didn't speak. She stood up, gave Gu Yuan a suggestive look, and then the two of them And went into the room. I sat alone in the empty living room and wept. Although I didn't cry out, I was almost choked to death by the tears seeping into my nasal cavity. I find that so many days have passed, I still can't lie to myself. I took the flight time and terminal information that Gu Yuan had written to me, and sat in a taxi towards Hongqiao Airport. The continuous rain at dusk was densely intertwined into a cold and biting net.He enveloped the whole Shanghai and dragged Shanghai into a dark and cold cave. I know that this is the winter in Shanghai that will always be tiresome.Cold, humid, winter in Shanghai. Hongqiao Airport is full of people, densely crowded together.The cold female voice on the radio is broadcasting information about the departure or delay of various flights, and countless long queues are lined up at the window for boarding passes. I squeezed through the crowd one by one with difficulty, looking for the Jianxi in my memory, the clean and tall Jianxi.His hair may have been grown, or his bangs had just been cut short.He probably carried that black travel case with a bold red ribbon on it. When I finally crossed the gap between the top of the head and the shoulders of no one, and saw Jian Xi standing quietly in front of me watching the electronic cards, I couldn't help but shed tears. Under the long white light, his side face looked thin and frail, as if it would break if he held it gently. I waved my hand and shouted his name loudly. When Jian Xi heard someone calling her name, she turned her head in disbelief, and after searching for a while, her gaze fell slightly.he laughed. In the dense crowd, he looked particularly lonely, and his smile made him even more lonely.Maybe it's because his smiling eyes were also full of tears. He looked at Lin Quan who was stumbling towards him, and opened his arms. Lin Quan hugged Jian Xi tightly, buried his face in his broad chest, and all the hot tears flowed into his dark blue sweater.While crying, she lowered her head and said, "I'll go with you." That's it. The final end of my long years of love. I was wearing the sneakers that Jianxi gave me, and the lambskin jacket he liked, and stood at the security checkpoint of the airport, watching him lead Lin Quan and leave my world step by step. One is tall and the other is small, they cuddle together, just like we used to cuddle together. Jian Xi was carrying a huge travel bag, as well as Lin Quan's white backpack.He stretched out his hand and embraced Linquan's shoulder. One step, one step, towards the world they have in common. I watched the airport security check them back and forth a few times before letting them pass. Then their backs disappeared behind the crowded crowd and the dense blue and red electronic number cards. I washed my face in the toilet, took out Jianxi's handkerchief in my bag and wiped away the tears on my face, then threw the handkerchief into the trash can in the toilet. When I walked out of the terminal, I saw Sogo standing at the door waiting for me. He is wearing his favorite neil barrett light gray knee-length windbreaker, soft wool and fleece blend fabric, which can always give people a very, very soft and delicate touch on the skin.He wears a furry woolen hat, which slightly conceals his idol status, but he doesn't wear sunglasses, so I can see his eyes, like two deep lakes, full of tenderness and some imperceptible grief . The wind blew past his eyes, making their sockets red. He reached out to me and stood there waiting for me. I walked over and hugged his waist, bringing my face close to his chest. The scent on his body is warm and pleasant, but it also smells like a little hospital disinfectant, and my eyes are red again thinking of this.I thought my tears would have run out after the wailing I just hid in the toilet cubicle and almost attracted the airport security, but now, in his cashmere windbreaker, which is as warm as the sun, I hum again Buzzed and cried. He gently raised his hand and put it on my shoulder, patting it again and again, just like the way he slapped on the white quilt to the music in the hospital.He didn't say anything, just stood with me at the gate of the crowded terminal building. Over his shoulder, I saw Shanghai in the twilight.Countless people come here, and countless people leave here.This damned city, this eternal city.I saw the young girls around me cast doubtful and slightly excited eyes at Sogo, and I also saw the flashing lights of the planes rushing up into the sky in the night sky. In the roar of the rumbling plane, I found that Sogo was no longer the naughty boy he was back then.He is quiet and silent, like all those mature men, his young face is even somewhat vicissitudes, and the corners of his eyes are decorated with two winter mornings that are lightly blown by the wind and snow. He patted my shoulder lightly, like humming a song, and said, "It's okay, I'll accompany you." The malice in my heart hadn't completely dissipated, so I said, "Yeah, I stayed with you for a year and a half, and then I have to send you off." He didn't speak, and stood quietly in the great joys and sorrows that were being staged around the airport, the wind couldn't blow into his cashmere trench coat, his eyes were hidden behind me, hidden under the wool hat and thick hair.I was so warm that I was going to sleep. I forgot how I got home. It's just that when I opened the door, I saw Gu Li, Neil and Tang Wanru sitting in the living room waiting for me.The way they looked at me made me feel like I was going to die in three minutes. Calmly and slowly, I took off my scarf and coat, put down my bag, and untied my hair.During the whole process, I didn't speak, and they didn't know what to say. When I walked slowly past them, Gu Li said: "... If you are hungry, I will bring some from the kitchen..." I walked past them without stopping, then opened the door of my room, drew the curtains, turned on the heat to the highest, and then fell into the thick quilt without taking off my jacket and pants. As if being hit by sleep suddenly and violently, I fell into a deep sleep within two seconds. Sogo sat in the attending doctor's office. The attending doctor looked at his young face, as if he felt a little pity, and asked him: "Have you really changed your mind about having surgery? You didn't want to do it when there was only a 50% success rate before. But now the condition is worse than before. The chance of success is only about 15%, do you still want to do it?" Chong Guang's face was shrouded in the golden light of the desk lamp, exuding a soft light like a dream. He nodded and said, "I want to live." A long suffocating dream never before. But it is warm and hot, like a warm dream in the morning when you are wrapped in a quilt and sitting around the fireplace in winter. In the dream, Gu Li seemed to bring me a cup of black tea. She kindly sat on the edge of the bed, touched my forehead, then helped me tuck the quilt, then looked at me sadly and said, "You know what, You look like those characters in the comics now - your face is covered with dense dots, and your pores are too big, right?" Tang Wanru was also there in the dream, she insisted on squeezing into my quilt, and was carried into the kitchen by two weasels, I don’t know if she was thrown into the boiling cauldron, I vaguely remember that Gu Li asked me before the dream Am I hungry or not. In the dream, Nan Xiang was sleeping on the bed opposite to me. Her bed was big and beautiful. It was a dark sandalwood-colored classical European bed. I remembered seeing it in an album of French literature and art history.There are also tall and soft pillows and warm woolen blankets.She was flipping through a picture album, as before, lazy and very beautiful. In the dream, there is a comfortable warm golden color everywhere, like coffee with too much creamer, and the sweet baking taste.In the dream, I fell asleep, and beside the pillow was Jian Xi leaning on the bed and reading a book.He seemed to be reading a story to me, or he seemed to be reading a book by himself. He was wearing reading glasses. I had never seen him wearing reading glasses. He looked a bit like the old man with the white beard in fairy tales.I remember laughing in my dream, and then he stretched out his hand and hugged him into his lap, the warm feeling. In the dream, I seemed to wake up, and then Jianxi closed her door and asked me if I wanted to eat.I nodded, and just about to get up, I saw it was raining outside the window. Sogo stood in the rain and looked at me. His hair, face, and black suit were all wet from the rain.A ray of yellow light hung over him and the relentless winter rain above him.He talked to me through the glass window, but I couldn't hear anything.Jian Xi hugged me beside me, watching me get anxious.Chong Guang looked very sad in the rain, but his face seemed to be excited. He finally waved to me happily, and his mouth seemed to say "then I'm leaving".I anxiously took out my cell phone from under the pillow to call him, but the phone kept beeping and he didn't answer. Outside the window was the same rain, and his figure disappeared in the golden rain. When I opened my eyes, Gu Li was sitting in front of me.She looked very beautiful under the lights, even more beautiful than Nan Xiang. I struggled to sit up with my painful body as if I had been beaten, and asked her: "What time is it? Is it dawn?" Gu Li shook his head: "Not yet, but this is the second dawn. You have slept for almost forty hours." I lowered my head and didn't speak. Gu Li stretched out his hand and handed it to me, saying, "Gong Ming keeps calling you...you should call him back." She didn't look me in the eye when she spoke to me.I looked at her outstretched hand, not wanting to reach for the phone.That green light on my phone kept beating to let me know I had a missed call. As I said, I hate winter in Shanghai. It's like standing in the icy cold wind with wet clothes forever.The gray-white breath, the pale sky, even pigeons can't fly, wisdom hides under the wet eaves, retracting its neck into its wings. The city is full of people wearing high-end furs. They are like animals, holding their noses and frowning, passing by those beggars and cheap roadside stalls. Everyone disappeared in the middle of the night, hiding in their high-end villas full of heating and geothermal heating, or hiding in cheap thin quilts.They looked at the gray Shanghai outside the window alone, and the gray years under this sky.Only the sanitation workers wrapped in thick plastic coats were left, sweeping the rotting leaves on the street with their red hands from the cold in the middle of the night. The Bund was bathed in cold blood, and the golden light shone sickly on the river beside it. There were dead fish floating on the surface of the river, and no birds pecked at them. The whole of Shanghai is like dementors floating slowly and smiling all over the sky. The rain is their kiss. They wish everyone in winter a happy new year. I walked through it all in a taxi, looking into the window of a pessimist. When I arrived at the hospital, I saw Gong Ming and Kitty sitting outside the operating room. I walk towards them. Gong Ming turned his head when he heard the voice, and he saw me. I've never seen such a horrible expression on his face, like an evil wizard in a movie, with narrow eyes and white teeth, wrapped in a one-piece black robe. I walked towards me step by step, the insidiousness in my eyes was like the surging waves under the moonlight, and the sound of the tide was his huge and heavy breathing. He pinched my chin and said to me in a tone colder than the winter outside the window: "The farther away you are from Chongguang, the farther the better." "he's mine" "Roll as far as you can" Then he slammed my face hard towards the chair next to me.