Chapter 59 act six

A huge round table was placed in a farmyard.A list of cups and plates on the table.The words "Golden Baby Full Moon Feast" are written on the background of the stage. The tadpoles, dressed in bright silk Tang suits embroidered with "Fu" and "Shou", stood at the entrance of the stage to welcome those who came to congratulate them. Tadpole's elementary school classmates Li Shou, Yuan Ji and his little cousin entered the stage one by one, saying similar polite words and congratulations. The aunt was wearing a maroon red robe, and she made her grand entrance under the guard of Hao Dashou and Qin He.

Tadpole: (joyfully) Auntie, you are finally here. Aunt: A noble son is added to the Wan family, can I not come? Tadpole: The golden baby falls into the grass, and the aunt is the number one hero! Aunt: Don't dare to be, don't dare to be. (Looking around at everyone, laughing) Without exception. (People are puzzled. Aunt points out to Hao Dashou and Qin He) Except for the two of them, you bastards were all born by me.I know how many moles there are on your mother's belly. (Audience laughs) Why don't you invite everyone to sit down? Tadpole: If you don't come, who would dare to sit? Aunt: Where's your father? Let him come out and sit at the head.

Tadpole: My father has caught a cold for the past two days. He went to my sister's house to hide and relax. He said he would let you be the chief. Aunt: Then I will do my part. Everyone: Yes, yes. Aunt: Tadpole, you and the little lion are over half a century old, and you have given birth to a big fat boy. Although I can’t apply for it—it’s the Guinness World Records—Guinness World Records, but in my more than fifty years of gynecology career, it’s still It's the first time I've encountered it, so it should be a great joy! Everyone echoed, some said "great joy" and some said "miracle".

Tadpole: It all depends on my aunt's panacea! Aunt: (with emotion) When Aunt was young, she was a complete materialist, but in her later years, she became more and more idealistic. Li Shou: There should be a place for idealism in the history of philosophy. Aunt: Listen, those who have studied are different from those who have not. Yuan Ji: We are all vulgar people, no matter what idealism or materialism. Aunt: In this world, there may not be ghosts and gods, but retribution still exists.The tadpole and the little lion can still give birth to a precious son in their fifties, which shows that the old Wan family has accumulated great virtues in previous lives.

Little cousin: My aunt's medicine also helped. Auntie: Sincerity leads to success! (to the tadpole) Your mother has always lived a stingy life, but in your generation, life is better, money is more, and such a happy event happens again, you should change your family style and be more generous! Tadpole: Auntie, don't worry.Although there is no camel's hoof and bear's paw, there are everything from chicken, duck to fish. Aunt: (Looking at the dishes on the table) There are seven plates and eight bowls, it still looks like that.What about wine? What wine to drink? Tadpole: (takes two bottles of Moutai from the box under the table) Moutai.

Aunt: True or not? Tadpole: I got it from Liu Guifang, the director of the municipal guest house, and she promised it was true. Li Shou: She is our old classmate. Yuan Ji: Those who lied were old classmates. Aunt: She, the second daughter of Liu Baofu in Liujiazhuang, is also my next child. Tadpole: I specifically mentioned this relationship to her, and she solemnly took out the wine from the safe. Aunt: That's right, she's too embarrassed to give me fake wine. Tadpoles open wine, ask aunt to taste and appraise. Aunt: Good wine, 100% real wine.Everyone pours, all pours. Tadpole pours wine for everyone.

Auntie: Since I’m the chief, I’ll give orders—this first glass of wine, thanks to the good leadership of our Communist Party, which made everyone out of poverty, became rich, liberated their minds, and lived a good life. There is no such rule , there will be no good things behind. Everyone commented, am I right? Everyone echoed in unison. Aunt: Then finish this cup! All cheers. Auntie: For the second glass of wine, I want to thank the spirits of our ancestors in the sky. It is they who have accumulated virtues from generation to generation, and only then can future generations be rewarded with blessings.

All cheers. Auntie: This third glass of wine will be the main topic. I wish the loving couple Tadpole and Little Lion a happy life and good luck. The crowd raised their glasses in response and made a lot of noise. Liu Guifang led two waiters to carry a few cardboard boxes up, followed by a group of female TV reporters and photographers. Liu Guifang: Congratulations! Congratulations! Tadpole: Old classmate, why are you here? Liu Guifang: Come to ask for a wedding drink! Are you welcome? (Walking around to shake hands with people on the table, greeting, shaking hands with aunt) Auntie, you have rejuvenated.

Aunt: Still an old goblin! Tadpole: Please don’t invite me! Come, just come, and bring so many things, let you spend money! Liu Zhifang: I'm just a cook, so what do I spend? (pointing to the box) This is my fried yellow croaker and the jelly with my own skin.The big steamed buns I steamed by myself, let everyone comment on my craftsmanship.Auntie, I bring you a bottle of 50-year-old Moutai, dedicated to honoring you. Aunt: Moutai in the past 50 years is really different. Last Spring Festival, a leader of Pingnan City asked his daughter-in-law to bring me a bottle. Once the cork was opened, the fragrance filled the room!

Tadpole: (cautiously) Old classmate, what is going on with these people? Liu Guifang: (pulls the female reporter) Xiao Gao, I forgot to introduce you, a reporter from the city TV station, the host and producer of the "Social Vientiane" column .Xiao Gao, this is Uncle Tadpole, a playwright, who has a son in old age, really amazing.This (pulls the female reporter in front of my aunt) is a figure of the Holy Mother in Gaomi Township. Aunt, regardless of seniority, the old and the young are all called "aunt". , It was all received by my aunt. Aunt: (Takes the female reporter's hand) What a handsome boy, I can imagine your parents when I see you.In the past, looking for a partner for children was mainly based on family status. Now, I advocate: first look at genes, and then look at family status.

Only good genes can produce healthy and intelligent offspring; bad genes are useless. Female reporter: (gesturing to the camera to follow) Aunt really keeps pace with the times. Aunt: I can’t say I’m keeping pace with the times, but I’m just getting in touch with people from all walks of life.Sounds like some buzzwords... Tadpole: (Quietly asks Liu Guifang) Old classmate, this matter is not easy to make public, right? Liu Guifang: (Quietly) Xiao Gao is our daughter-in-law who is about to get married. The TV station is fiercely competitive, grabbing information, grabbing materials, grabbing ideas, we have to help her . Female reporter: Aunt, do you think that the reason why Mr. Tadpole and his wife are able to have children in old age is related to their good genes? Aunt: Of course, their genes are very good. Female reporter: In your opinion, do you think Mr. Tadpole’s genes are better, or Mr. Tadpole’s wife’s genes are better? Aunt: You need to understand what genes are before asking me. Female reporter: Then can you explain genes to our audience in concise language? Aunt: What are genes? Genes are life! It is destiny! Female reporter: Destiny? Aunt: Flies don’t bite unsewn eggs, do you understand? Female reporter: Yes. Aunt: A person with bad genes is like an egg with seams, an egg born with seams.Do you understand? Liu Guifang: Xiao Gao, let my aunt drink a glass of wine first and take a break. You can interview Uncle Tadpole first. This is Uncle Yuan Ji, and this is Uncle Li Shou. They are all my classmates, and they are all proficient in genetic issues. You can Interview one by one. (Pours wine for my aunt) I wish my aunt a long and healthy life, and always protect the children of our Northeast Township! Female reporter: Uncle Tadpole, I know that you were born in 1953, and you are fifty-five years old this year. At this age, in our countryside, you are already old enough to have grandchildren, and you just gave birth to a son. Please tell me The mood of getting a child in old age. Tadpole: Last month, the 78-year-old Professor Li of Qidong University held his one-month-old son in his arms and went to the hospital to visit his 103-year-old father, Professor Li Lao. Have you seen the news? Female reporter: Look been. Tadpole: For a man, being in his fifties is a time of prosperity.The key is the woman. Female reporter: Can we interview your wife? Tadpole: She is resting and will come out to toast everyone later. Female reporter: (Turning the microphone to Yuan Ji) Mr. Yuan, seeing that Mr. Tadpole has a son, are you also eager to try it? Yuan Ji: Listen to this word! I am eager to try it! Although I am eager, I don’t want to try it anymore.My genes are probably not that good. I gave birth to two sons, and one is more debt-collecting than the other;Besides, my wife, the soil is severely compacted, and a small tree can be planted, and it will become a walking stick in three days. Li Shou: Let the "second wife" help you give birth! Yuan Ji: Junior brother, you are old and young, how can you say such a thing? We are all decent people with high moral character, how can we do such a scandal? Li Shou: Is this a scandal? This is fashion, it is trendy, it is Genetic improvement is to help the poor and help the weak, and to stimulate domestic demand and promote development. Yuan Chi: Stop talking, this is going to be aired, and you still haven’t been arrested? Li Shou: Ask them if they dare to air it? Female reporter: (Laughs without answering, then asks aunt) Auntie, I heard You have formulated a kind of rejuvenation pill, which can restore youth to postmenopausal women? Aunt: Many people also said that after taking my medicine, the baby in the stomach can change gender.Do you also believe this? Female reporter: I would rather believe it than believe it. Aunt: Believe in God, there is God, but if you don't believe it, you are a muddy tire.People have this mentality. Tadpole: Xiao Gao, some comrades in your TV station should sit down and drink at the bar, and then interview after drinking, okay? Female reporter: You drink, you drink, just pretend that we are not there. Li Shou: You guys are obviously wandering around here, why are you not there. Female reporter: You—don’t treat us as human beings, as—whatever! Yuan Ji: Guifang's old classmate, back then, you were my idol, I have to give you a toast! Liu Zhifang: (touching the cup with Yuan Ji) I wish the old classmate's bullfrog career a prosperous one.I wish your "Girls' skin care essence" will come out as soon as possible. Yuan Ji: Don't change the subject, I have to tell you about how I was so small back then. Liu Guifang: Don't pretend to be crazy, it's hypocritical.Who doesn't know that Mr. Yuan's bullfrog company is full of beauties! Female reporter: (Taking this opportunity to confess to the microphone) Dear audience, today's "social phenomenon", I would like to introduce to you a great event that happened in Northeast Gaomi Township.After retiring, the famous playwright Tadpole and Little Lion couple, who returned to their hometown to create, unexpectedly gave birth to a healthy and lively big fat boy on the 15th of last month after they were over fifty years old... Aunt: It's time to take the baby out and show it to everyone! The tadpoles ran off the field. Liu Guifang: (glaring at Yuan Ji, whispering) Don't talk nonsense, my aunt is upset. The tadpole leads the little lion on.A towel was wrapped around the lion cub's head, and a swaddling baby was in his arms. The photographer snaps. The crowd clapped their hands in celebration. Tadpole: Come on, let my aunt take a look first. The little lion sent the child to his aunt.Aunt lifted the corner of the swaddle and watched. Aunt: (with emotion) Good boy, what a good boy, with excellent genes and good looks. If he was born in a feudal society, he must be a champion! Li Shou: Not only the champion, maybe an emperor. Aunt: Let’s compare and brag! Female reporter: (Putting the microphone in front of my aunt) Auntie, you delivered this baby too, right? Auntie: (Put a red envelope into the swaddle, but the tadpole and lion cub refuse, Auntie waves) This is the rule, Auntie is rich. (to reporter) Admit they trust me.She is a super-advanced mother and has a lot of psychological pressure.I suggested that she go to the hospital to "cut watermelon", but she refused.The aunt supports her, a woman, only after giving birth through the birth canal, can she know what a woman is and how to be a mother! When the aunt was being interviewed, the little lion and the tadpole carried the child in front of everyone for them to watch, and they all stuffed their red envelopes into their swaddling clothes. Female reporter: Auntie, will this be the last child you deliver? Auntie: What do you think? Female reporter: I heard that not only the women in Northeast Township worship you and trust you, but also many women in Pingdu and Jiaozhou Also came to see you? Aunt: Aunt gave birth to a hard life. Female reporter: I heard that you have a magical power in your hand. As long as you put your hand on the belly of the puerpera, their pain will be greatly relieved, and their anxiety and fear will also disappear. Aunt: That’s how myths are created. Female reporter: Auntie, please stretch out your hands, we want to take some close-ups. Aunt: (sarcastically) The people need a little mythology! (to everyone) Do you know who said it? Li Shou: It sounds like a great man. Aunt: I said so. Yuan Ji: My aunt is almost a great person! Liu Guifang: What is considered a great man? My aunt is a great man! Female Reporter: (Solemnly) It was these ordinary hands that brought thousands of babies to the world——Auntie: It was these ordinary hands that sent thousands of babies to hell! (Cheers Wine) Auntie's hands were stained with two kinds of blood, one fragrant and the other foul-smelling. Liu Guifang: Auntie, you are the living Bodhisattva in our Northeast Township, the Empress of Songzi, and the statues in the Empress Temple look more and more like you. In my opinion, they are shaped according to your image. Aunt: (drunk and hazy) The people need a little mythology... Female reporter: (putting the microphone in front of the little lion) Madam, please share your thoughts. Little Lion: What are you talking about? Female reporter: Talk casually, for example, how you felt when you first heard about the pregnancy news, how you felt during the pregnancy, why you must ask your aunt to deliver the baby... Little Lion: When I found out I was pregnant for the first time, it felt like a dream. A woman in her fifties has been postmenopausal for two years. How could she suddenly become pregnant? As for the process of pregnancy, she was half happy and half worried .To my delight, I am finally going to be a mother. I have been an obstetrician and gynecologist with my aunt for more than ten years, and I have helped my aunt deliver many children, but I have never had children of my own. A woman without children is not a complete woman. A childless woman can't hold her head up before her husband, and now, it's all over. Reporter: Five points of worry? What are you worried about? Little Lion: The main reason is that I am getting older and I am afraid that I will not have a healthy child.Of course, as soon as my aunt put her hand on my belly during labor, all worries disappeared.All that remains is to follow my aunt's orders and complete the delivery process. Auntie: (drunk) Wash off the stinky blood with fragrant blood... Chen Bi quietly entered the stage leaning on crutches. Chen Bi: Isn't it outrageous that my grandson is full moon and doesn't invite my grandfather to drink? Everyone was stunned. Tadpole: (flustered) Dude, I'm sorry, I'm so sorry, I forgot about you... Chen Bi: (Laughing wildly) You call me brother? Haha, (pointing to the baby in the little lion’s arms with a cane) From him, you should kowtow to me three times and call me “Old Taishan”?! Yuan Ji: (steps forward and pulls Chen's nose) Lao Chen, Lao Chen, let's go, I'll take you to "Bao Chi Huang" to re-open a table. Chen Bi: Get the hell out of here, you despicable and shameless villain, you want to stuff my mouth with those rotten fish and shrimp? Never mind.Today is my grandson’s big day, I’m not going anywhere, I’m just here to ask for a glass of wedding wine! (Sit down, see aunt) Auntie, your heart is like a mirror, and the childbirth in Northeast Gaomi Township is all over You don't care, whose seeds don't germinate, who's land doesn't grow grass, you all know, you borrow seeds for them, you borrow land for them, you steal beams and pillars, sneak through old warehouses, cross the sea, Li Daitao is stiff, playing hard to get, killing people with a knife... Thirty Six tricks, all of them have been used... Aunt: There are only two strategies for you to implement: make a sound and hit the west, and the golden cicada escapes its shell.Back then, you were almost cheated.Half of the stinking blood on my hands (putting it up to my nose) was smeared on me by you boy! Li Shou: (pours wine for Chen Bi) Lao Chen, Lao Chen, drink, drink. Chen Bi: (drinks the wine in the glass) Junior brother, you are a fair person.You give the judge——Li Shou: (interrupting Chen Bi, pouring him another big glass of wine) Fair or not, only God knows! Come on, buddy, change to a big glass! Chen Bi: You want to get me drunk? You want to stuff my mouth with wine.you are wrong. Li Shou: Of course I was wrong, you are huge, and it is hard to get drunk from a thousand cups.Today's wine is authentic Moutai, isn't it okay to drink it for nothing? Come on, cheers! Chen Bi: (drinking another big glass with his back up, panting, teary) Auntie, tadpole, little lion, Yuan Ji, Jin Xiu, I, Chen Bi, got mixed up in this field, what a pity! Northeast Gaomi Township, ten Eight villages with a population of more than 50,000. Is there anyone worse than Chenbi? Tell me, is there? No, no, there is no one worse than me.But you guys bullied me as a handicapped partner, so it’s fine if you bully me, because I’m fundamentally not a good person, and you bullying me represents God’s retribution on me! But you shouldn’t bully my daughter! Chen Mei, you Watching the grown-up children, the most beautiful girl in Northeast Gaomi Township, and her older sister, Chen Er, they were supposed to marry into the royal family and become queens and concubines, but... Blame me... retribution... my daughter is a surrogate for you (pointing at the tadpole angrily), earning money to pay for my hospitalization, but you, you old classmates, you uncles, uncles, playwrights, big bosses , even fabricated a lie, saying that her child died after birth.You cheated her of 40,000 yuan in surrogacy fees... There is a blue sky three feet above your head! God, why don't you open your eyes and see? Look at these rampant villains...Comrades from the TV station, take pictures, take pictures of them, take pictures of me, her, and them, and expose them to the whole people ... Liu Guifang: Old Chen, you are still bragging about your capacity. After two drinks, your mouth will be full of nonsense. Chen Bi: Liu Guifang, you are shrewd. The guest house was restructured, and you changed into a big boss. You are now a billionaire.I beg you to arrange a job for my daughter, even if it is to light a fire in the kitchen, but you will not be merciful, you said that the company is laying off employees, and it is difficult to open a good door, but... Liu Guifang: Old classmate, it’s all my fault. Chen Mei’s matter is on my shoulders, isn’t it just one more person to eat? I’ll raise her, okay? rack away. Chen Bi: (Struggling) I haven't seen my grandson yet, (takes out a red envelope from his arms) Grandson, although grandpa is poor, but etiquette is indispensable, grandpa also prepared a red envelope for you... Yuan Ji, Jin Xiu and others took Chen Bi away.At the same time, from the other side of the stage, Chen Mei appeared in a black robe and a black veil. When everyone saw Chen Mei, they were extremely shocked, and the scene fell silent for a while. Chen Mei: (Sniffing her nose exaggeratedly, first in a low voice, then gradually in a high voice) My child, baby, I smell your scent, fragrant, sweet, fishy, ​​(groping like a blind man to The little lion approached, and at the same time, the baby in swaddling cries loudly) baby, good baby... I haven't had a mouthful of milk since I was born, and my baby is starving... (Chen Mei snatches the child from the little lion's arms and runs off the field in a hurry. Everyone is stunned for a moment, at a loss.) Little lion: (spreads hands, desperately) My child, my little golden baby... The little lion took the lead in chasing Chen Mei, followed by the tadpoles and others, and the place was chaotic. - the curtain falls