Chapter 51 sequence

Dear Sir: I finally finished this script. Many events in real life are entangled with the stories in my scripts, so that when I write, I sometimes can't tell whether I am recording truthfully or creating novels.I wrote it in just five days.I am like a child eager to tell, wanting to tell my parents what I see and think.People in their fifties compare themselves to children. This is hypocritical, but it is true.If a writer doesn't even have the courage to be hypocritical, he can stop writing. This script should be an integral part of my aunt's story. Although some of the stories in the script did not happen in real life, they happened in my heart.So I think it's real.

Sir, I originally thought that writing could be a way of redemption, but after the script was completed, the guilt in my heart has not weakened, but has become heavier.The death of Wang Renmei and her unborn child—of course my child—although I can use various reasons to excuse myself, even though I can blame my aunt, the army, Yuan Ji, and even Wang Renmei herself - and I have been doing this for decades - but now, more than ever, I realize that I am the only culprit.It was me who sent Wang Renmei and his wife to hell for the so-called "future".I imagined that the child born to Chen Mei was the reincarnation of the child who died young, just to comfort myself.This is the same as my aunt's idea of ​​making clay dolls.Every child is unique and irreplaceable.Will the blood stained on the hands never be washed away? Will the soul entangled in guilt never be freed? Sir, I am looking forward to your answer.

tadpole June 3, 2009