Chapter 8 chapter eight

Teacher Mo Yan: Hello! I am overjoyed to know that you have hope to come to Liquorland.As a student, I look forward to your coming to Liquorland just like "looking forward to the stars and the moon".I have a few classmates who work in the municipal party committee and the municipal government (not ordinary jobs, they all have small and big black hats), if they need an invitation letter or certification letter from the municipal party committee and government, I can ask them to do it immediately.Chinese leaders recognize official seals most, and I think leaders in the military are no exception.

About the novel, it really discouraged me.I even had some opinions on the two teachers, Zhou Bao and Li Xiaobao, who suppressed so many of my manuscripts and didn't even reply to a letter, which was too disrespectful.Of course, they are all busy, and if they write letters to amateur writers, they don't have to do anything. I understand this truth, but I always feel a little resentful.Instead of looking at the face of the monk, look at the face of the Buddha. Well, I am also the author recommended by you!Of course, I know that these are bad emotions that are unhealthy and not conducive to literary creation, and I am also working hard to overcome these emotions. I am "until the Yellow River will never die", "I will not be a hero until the Great Wall", and I am determined to write down with perseverance.

In order to prepare for the Ape Wine Festival, our school was busy up and down.The department assigned me a task, asking me to use part of the sick wine in stock as the wine base, blend a flavorful wine, and sell it during the Monkey Wine Festival.If I succeed, I will get a large bonus, which is very important to me. Of course, I can’t throw away the novel just to earn the bonus. Nine of the energy to write novels. Send me my recent work "Catching Swallows" and ask the teacher to criticize it.I made a summary of my creation in the previous period. I think that the reason why my novel is difficult to publish may be related to interfering with society, so I corrected it in "Choosing Swallows". This is a novel far away from politics and the capital. , if it can't be published again, it will be "the heavens will kill me too"!

Ode to Daan! Student: Li Yidou "Picking Swallows" Why is my mother-in-law not old, youthful, tall breasts and buttocks like a young woman in her sixties?Why is the abdomen flat, without fat accumulation, like a steel plate with good elasticity?Why is it that the face is like the moon in the Mid-Autumn Festival, the color is like the flowers of spring dawn, there is not a trace of wrinkles on the corners of the eyes, and the teeth are white and sparkling, not even a single wavering or broken?Why is the skin smooth and tender like suet jade?Why are the lips bright red and the aroma of barbecue always exhaling from the mouth, making people especially want to kiss it?Why never get sick, no menopausal reaction?

As a son-in-law, I probably shouldn't be so presumptuous, but I am a thorough materialist, and a thorough materialist is fearless, so I have to say what has to be said.I want to say that even though my mother-in-law is over 60 years old, as long as the policy allows and I am willing, she can give birth to a dozen more sisters-in-law or brother-in-law for me.Why does my mother-in-law seldom fart, even if she farts once in a while, it doesn’t smell bad, instead it smells like roasted chestnuts?Generally speaking, a beautiful woman has a strong smell in her belly, so a beautiful woman is actually a painted skin, but why is my mother-in-law not only beautiful on the outside but also fragrant and edible on the inside? ——So many question marks hung on my flesh like a fishhook, making me like a puffer fish that broke into a fishhook formation, which caused me a lot of pain, and it must also make readers bored. You may say, Li Yidou Guy, the mother-in-law is auctioned off!Dear friends, I am not auctioning mother-in-law, but I am researching mother-in-law.With the aging of human society, it is very important to keep women young forever. This research is very beneficial to human beings, and it is likely to create huge profits, so I will not hesitate to annoy my mother-in-law.

I preliminarily think that the reason why I have such a delicious and drinkable wine like oloroso sherry (oloroso sherry) is beautiful and stable in color, rich in aroma, rich and round in body, sweet and soft in taste, durable in storage, and more fragrant with age. The most important reason why my mother-in-law is not to have a mother-in-law who is like the sweet potato dry wine made by the villagers is cloudy in color, spicy and sour, dry and monotonous, and poisonous when you drink it. family. According to the current popular narrative style of novels, I can say that our story is about to begin.Before officially entering this story that belongs to me and belongs to you, please allow me to give you three minutes of professional knowledge training, otherwise your reading will encounter obstacles.I plan to write enough words for you to read for a minute and a half, and to think for the remaining minute and a half.Fuck it, "the fox laughs when the tiger thinks about it", "the sky is going to rain, and the mother is going to find her in-laws", let them laugh, laughing to death hundreds of millions will also save family planning, then my mother-in-law can fully Use her old and healthy organs to give birth to my sister-in-law or brother-in-law.All right!Stop talking!Okay, stop talking, I heard your roar and saw your impatience. Like the grassland liquor produced in Inner Mongolia, you are like a bottle of wavy Harbin sorghum bran liquor with 60% alcohol and full of energy.

Swiftlet (collocaliarestita), bird class, swift family.The body is about 18 cm long, and the upper body feathers are black or brown with blue luster.The lower body is off-white.The wing tips are long, the feet are short, light red, and the four toes are all in front. They live in groups and eat insects.When nests are built in caves, the salivary glands in the throat of male swallows secrete saliva, which becomes bird's nest after solidification. Swiftlet is produced in Thailand, the Philippines, Indonesia, Malaysia and other countries, and it is also produced in coastal desert islands of Guangdong and Fujian in my country.At the beginning of June every year, it is the nesting and incubation period for swiftlets.Before nesting, the male swallow and the female swallow chase and fly to mate. After the mating, the male swallow sticks to the standing stone wall and swings its head back and forth like a spring silkworm spinning silk. The transparent gelatinous saliva sticks to the stone wall. After solidification, it becomes the bird's nest.According to observers' reports, male swallows do not sleep or eat during the process of spitting out their saliva to form a nest, and their heads continuously swing tens of thousands of times before forming a nest.Hardship is better than painstaking effort.This first nest contains almost no impurities, and is entirely made of swallow saliva, so the color is white and transparent, and the quality is excellent, commonly known as "white swallow" or "official swallow".After the nest is taken away, swiftlets will build a second nest. The saliva is not enough, so they have to peck the fluff from themselves and mix it in. Due to the forceful saliva, even the blood is vomited out, forming a low-value nest. "Mao Yan" or "Blood Swallow".After this nest is taken away, swiftlets will also create a third nest, the material used is mainly algae, with very little saliva and no edible value.

When I first met my mother-in-law, she was using a silver needle to pick out the impurities in a bird's nest raised with alkaline water: bloodshot, fluff and seaweed. Now we can know that it is a blood swallow.My mother-in-law pursed her lips and croaked like a little platypus losing her temper: Look, look, this is not a bird's nest, it's a messy nest, it's a magpie's nest, an old raven's nest—you can calm down, My tutor, Professor Yuan Shuangyu, took a sip of his own specially blended wine—the wine has an elegant and noble orchid smell—and told his wife that everything is adulterated these days, and swiftlets follow suit. That's fine, I think that in another 10,000 years, as long as humans exist, swiftlets will build their nests with shit.She held the large, trembling bird's nest in both hands, and stared blankly at her husband, my future father-in-law.I really can't imagine that this dirty thing like a dog's brain will become more precious than gold. Is it really as mysterious as you say?He looked at the things in her hand coldly.She said: You know nothing but wine!Her face was a little red, she dropped the bird's nest, and walked to nowhere like a breeze.This is my first time visiting my wife's house.My wife said her mother was going to show off.Unexpectedly, she threw the swallow away.I am a little embarrassed.But the old man said, it doesn't matter, she will come back.Her understanding of bird's nest is the same as my understanding of wine, which is one of the best in the world today.

Sure enough, as my father-in-law expected, after a while, my mother-in-law came back. She picked out all the impurities in the bird's nest and gave us bird's nest soup.My father-in-law and my wife refused to drink it. My father-in-law said that the soup smelled like chicken feces, and my wife said it smelled like blood. It was full of cruelty.My wife has a big heart and is applying to join the World Society for the Protection of Animals in Bonn.My mother-in-law said at the time, Xiao Li, don’t pay attention to these fools. Their fraternity is very hypocritical. Ten bundles of dried meat for tuition.They don’t drink it and we drink it. My mother-in-law said that Chinese people have eaten bird’s nest for thousands of years. It keeps youthful, and the elderly can prolong their lives by eating it. Recently, Professor He Guoli of the Chinese University of Hong Kong also discovered that bird's nest contains a substance that prevents and treats AIDS.If she ate bird's nest, my mother-in-law pointed to my wife and said, it wouldn't be what it is now.My wife said angrily: I would rather look like this than eat that stuff.She stared at me and asked me: Tell me, is it delicious?I dare not offend my wife, nor my mother-in-law, so I said: How should I say it?how to say?Hahahahaha.My wife said: You are a slippery head.My mother-in-law poured a spoonful of bird's nest into my bowl and looked at her daughter defiantly.My wife said: You will have nightmares.What nightmare?my mother-in-law asked.My wife said: flocks of swiftlets are pecking at your brains.My mother-in-law said: Xiao Li, just drink and ignore this crazy girl.She also ate a big crab yesterday, isn't she afraid that the crab will pinch her nose with its pincers?She said: When I was a child, I hated people who picked swallows. After I entered the city, I realized that the hatred was unreasonable.Now more and more people eat bird's nest, and there are more rich people.But if you have money, you will not be able to eat first-class official swallows, and first-class good products. The "Siamese tribute swallows" imported from Thailand have been eaten by big cadres in Beijing. A small city like our wine country is only worthy of eating like this. blood swallow.Even such a blood swallow costs 8,000 yuan per kilogram, which is beyond the reach of ordinary people, my mother-in-law said to me solemnly and not without showing off.As great as the bird's nest is, I frankly say that it's really not tasty, and it's not as good as braised pork.

My mother-in-law is tirelessly educating me about bird's nest. After she finished talking about the nutritional value of bird's nest, she also talked about the cooking method of bird's nest. I am not interested in these.What interests me is the story she told me about collecting bird's nests, her family's story, her story. My mother-in-law was born in a swallow-picking family. When she was in the womb of my old mother-in-law, she heard the painful chirping of swiftlets and received the nutrition of swiftlets.My old mother-in-law is a greedy woman, and she became even more greedy after she was pregnant with my mother-in-law. She often steals bird's nest behind her husband's back. Her stealing skills are very good, and her husband has never found out.My mother-in-law said that her mother was born with a pair of teeth that were harder than steel and could chew through the extremely tough dried bird's nest.She never steals whole bird's nests—her husband has several of them—my mother-in-law always nibbles an inch in from the cuts made with a scraper on the bottom of each bird's nest, to get the stubble Much neater than a knife cut.My mother-in-law said that her mother was stealing first-class swallows.The nutritional value of unprocessed bird's nest is richer. My mother-in-law said that once any delicious food is cooked, its nutrition will be destroyed in a large amount.My mother-in-law said that any progress is based on the loss of some things. Humans invented cooking and entertained the senses of the mouth, but they lost their hustle and bravery. The reason why the Eskimos living in the Arctic Circle have such a strong body And the ability to resist the severe cold is absolutely related to their eating raw seal meat. Once they master the complex and exquisite Chinese cooking techniques, they will not be able to stay there.My mother-in-law and her mother stole so many raw bird's nests, so my mother-in-law was extremely healthy. When she was born, her hair was black, her skin was pink, her cry was louder than that of a baby boy, and she had four teeth in her mouth.My mother-in-law's father was a superstitious person. He heard that a baby born with teeth was a loser, so he threw my mother-in-law into the grass.It was the twelfth lunar month of winter, and although there was no severe winter in Guangdong, the nights in December were still chilly. My mother-in-law slept in the weeds all night, and she was so moved that her father brought her back.

According to my mother-in-law, my mother-in-law's mother is very beautiful, and according to my mother-in-law's father, she has thick eyebrows, deep eye sockets, flat nose, thin lips, and a goatee on a pointed chin.My mother-in-law's father climbs the cliff all day long and is thin and old like an ugly gecko. My mother-in-law's mother steals bird's nest every day to nourish it pink and white, and the white water is like a lotus in June.When my mother-in-law was one year old, her mother went to Hong Kong with a bird’s nest merchant, and my mother-in-law grew up with her father.My mother-in-law said that after her mother eloped, her father cooked a bird's nest for her every day, so she grew up eating bird's nest.My mother-in-law said that when she was pregnant with my wife, it was the most difficult time in the early 1960s. She had never eaten a bite of bird's nest, so she gave birth to my wife like a black monkey.The situation will be better if she eats bird's nest, but my wife refuses to eat it.In fact, I know that I can’t eat it if I want to. My mother-in-law has not been the director of the special food center of the Culinary Institute for a long time. It is not easy for her to get bird’s nest when she is not the director.The poor-quality bird's nest she made for me didn't come from the right way either.So from this point, I also know that my mother-in-law likes me very much, more than my wife likes me.Half of the reason why I married my wife is because her father is my mentor. An important reason why my wife and I have not divorced is because I like my mother-in-law very much. My mother-in-law drank the bird's nest soup and ate the young bird's nest to grow vigorously. At the age of four, her height and intelligence reached the level of a ten-year-old child with normal development.My mother-in-law thinks it's definitely due to swiftlets.My mother-in-law said that in a sense she was nursed by male swiftlets with their precious saliva, while her mother refused to breastfeed her because she was afraid of the four teeth she was born with.What kind of mammal is this?My mother-in-law said bitterly.My mother-in-law also used this to say that humans are the cruelest and most ruthless mammals, and only humans refuse to breastfeed their babies. My mother-in-law's hometown lives on a promontory on the southeast coast. On a clear day, when she sits on the beach, she can see the shadows of a series of steel-blue islands.There are tall caves on those islands, and bird's nests are produced in the caves.Most people in the village live by fishing, only my mother-in-law's father and my mother-in-law's six uncles make a living by picking bird's nest.This is an ancestral occupation, which is extremely dangerous but very rewarding, and ordinary people can't do it even if they want to.So I said earlier that my mother-in-law was born in a family of picking swallows. My mother-in-law said that her father and uncles were all strong and strong people, with no fat on their bodies, only bunches of muscles twisted like hemp rope with extremely high hemoglobin content.A person possessing such muscles is naturally strong and strong, surpassing apes.Her father kept two apes, which she said were her fathers' teachers.During the season when bird's nests cannot be collected, my mother-in-law's father and uncles just sat on the income from collecting swallows in the previous year and made various preparations for the next one.They lead the apes up the mountain almost every day, drive them to climb walls and trees, and imitate them.My mother-in-law said that the swallow pickers in the Malay Peninsula have domesticated apes to pick swallows, but they were not very successful. The nature of monkeys is fickle, which affects production.My mother-in-law said that her father was still as light as a swallow when he was in his sixties, and he was not weak and healthy when he climbed on the smooth green bamboo.In short, my mother-in-law's family is good at climbing walls and trees due to genetic reasons and professional training.My mother-in-law said that the one with the most physical fitness is her little uncle. He has practiced gecko kung fu, and he can climb a rock wall tens of meters high to pick swallows with his bare hands without any equipment.My mother-in-law said that she had forgotten the appearance of other uncles, but she firmly remembered the appearance of this little uncle.He has a layer of old skin like fish scales all over his body, and on his thin and dry face, there are two big blue eyes sunken deep in the eye sockets, shining with a melancholy light. My mother-in-law said that in the summer when she was seven years old, she followed her father and uncles to the island to pick swallows for the first time.Her family has a large two-masted boat, which is made of pine wood, brushed with thick tung oil, and exudes the fragrance of the forest.The southeast wind was blowing that day, the long waves on the sea were chasing and rushing, and the white sand on the beach was shining brightly by the sun.My mother-in-law said that she was often awakened from her dreams by the glaring white light, so she heard the waves of the South China Sea and smelled the sea in her bed in Liquorland.Her father, with a dry pipe in his mouth, directed his younger brothers to carry grain, fresh water, and green bamboo poles to the boat.Finally, one of her uncles brought in a fat bull buffalo with red silk wrapped around its horns.The guy's eyes were bloodshot, he was foaming from his mouth, and he looked angry.The children in the fishing village ran to watch the swallow-picking boat set off.Several of the children were playmates of my mother-in-law, Haiyan, Chaosheng, and seals... There was an old woman standing on a rock at the head of the village and shouting: Seals, seals, come home.A little boy left reluctantly.Before leaving, he said to my mother-in-law: Yanni, can you catch a swiftlet for me?You give me a live swiftlet, and I'll give you a glass ball.He lit up the glass ball in his hand.I never thought my mother-in-law had such a brilliant baby name, Jenny!Lord God!It has the same name as Mrs. Marx.My mother-in-law said sadly: That seal is now the commander of the military division.My mother-in-law's words revealed her dissatisfaction with my father-in-law.My wife said, what's so great about the commander of the military division? My father is a university professor and an expert in brewing, so he is no less impressive than a little commander!My mother-in-law looked at me and said aggrievedly: She will always stand in her father's position against me.Electra complex, I say.My wife gave me a hard gouged look.My mother-in-law said that on the day the swallow-picking boat set off, the most lively scene was driving the bulls onto the boat. She said that cows are spiritual, and an uncastrated bull is the most spiritual. It knows what it means to let it go on a boat, so when it gets close to the small pier, its eyes turn red, panting heavily, and twisting a stubborn head. Swing it away, dragging my uncle staggering.My mother-in-law said that there was a narrow wooden plank that connected the wooden boat to the stone steps of the small pier. The wooden plank was suspended and tilted, and the muddy sea water was below the plank.The bull's front hooves stopped at one end of the plank, and he refused to take half a step forward.The uncle pulled the nose rope as hard as he was breastfeeding, and the iron nose ring pulled the buffalo’s bluish-colored nose out for a long time. The buffalo’s nose might open at any time, and the pain must have been unbearable. A nose is nothing compared to death.My mother-in-law said that several of her uncles swarmed up and tried to push the buffalo onto the boat, but no matter how hard they pushed, they couldn’t help it. Instead, it kicked its hoof angrily and limped the leg of one of my mother-in-law’s uncles. . My mother-in-law said her little uncle was not only physically better than his older brothers.Wisdom is also number one.He took the ox rope from his brother and took the ox for a walk on the beach.He talks to the cow.He and the cow's footprints were left on the beach.Later, he took off his coat and covered the bull's head, and led the bull to the springboard by himself.When the cow walked on the diving board, the diving board was bent into a bow.The beast actually knew it was on a dangerous road, because it moved its hooves carefully, like those well-trained goats in a circus.The cows got on the boat, and the men got on the boat, the gangway was removed, and the sails were hoisted.The little uncle took off his clothes from the cow's face.The cow trembled all over, its hooves jumped, and it let out a mournful cry.Gradually, the mainland disappeared, and the island approached, and the island was hazy with clouds and mists, just like a palace in a fairy mountain. My mother-in-law said her father and uncles anchored the boat on the corner of the island, and the younger uncle got the cows off the boat.Their faces were serious and holy.As soon as he set foot on the deserted island full of bramble and hazel, the violent bull became more docile than sheep.The blood-red color in the bull's eye disappeared, and the blue and ocean-like color appeared, the same color as the eyes of my mother-in-law's little uncle. My mother-in-law said that it was dusk when they arrived at the deserted island, the sea was shining red, and the birds on the island were flying and singing loudly.They slept on the island and had nothing to say all night.In the early morning of the next day, after breakfast, her father said: Do it!The mysterious and thrilling work of picking swallows began. On these islands, there are many dark caves.My mother-in-law said that outside a large cave, her father set up an incense table, burned a stack of papers, kowtowed a few times, and then said: Kill animals!His six brothers rushed forward and threw the bull to the ground.The strange thing is that the fat and strong bull didn't resist at all. Rather than saying that it was pushed down by the six men, it could be said that it lay down by itself.It lay quietly, its strong neck lay flat on the rock, and the huge head with steel blue iron horns was clumsily connected to the neck, as if it had been welded rigidly.Its posture suggests that it was a willing sacrifice to the cave god.My mother-in-law said she had a vague feeling that the bird's nest in the cave was the private property of the cave god, and that her father and uncles had exchanged the fat bull for the cave god.Since the god in the cave can eat bulls, it must be an extremely vicious monster.My mother-in-law said the association terrified her.After knocking down the scalper, her uncles stepped aside.She saw her father pull out a bright small ax from his waist, clutching it in both hands, and walking towards the bull.Her heart seemed to be tightly held by a big hand, and every time it beat, it would stop and stop beating.Her father was muttering words, and his dark eyes were beating with frightened light.She suddenly felt pity for her father and for the bull. She felt that this thin monkey-like man in front of her was as pitiful as the bull lying on the rock. Both the killer and the victim were unwilling, but they were forced by a huge The pressure has to do it.My mother-in-law saw the strangely shaped huge hole, heard the strange noises in the hole, and felt the eerie air coming out of the hole. She was inspired and thought that what her father and the bull feared were the gods in the cave.She saw the bull's eyes tightly closed, the long eyelashes were pinched into a line by the upper and lower eyelids, and a green fly was picking and choosing what to eat in the corner of its moist eyes, even my mother-in-law was disgusted by this one The flies tickled the corners of his eyes, but the bull didn't move.My mother-in-law's father walked up to the cow and looked around in bewilderment.What does he want to see?My mother-in-law said that he couldn't actually see anything, and that looking up just revealed the utter emptiness inside him.He held the small ax in his left hand and spit into the heart of his right hand; then he held the small ax in his right hand and spat into the heart of his left hand; finally, he took the handle of the ax with both hands and moved He stretched his legs, as if he wanted to stand more firmly.He took a long breath, held it back, his face was blue, his eyes were round, he raised the ax high, and slammed it down.My mother-in-law heard the sound of the ax smashing into the neck of the cow.Her father exhaled the suffocated breath, and stood there limply as if he had collapsed. After a long time, he bent down and pulled out the ax caught in the cow's neck.The bull let out a dull cry and tried several times to raise its head, but the tendons in its neck had been severed and it was unable to raise its head.Afterwards, its body began to vibrate area by area in turn, as if the shaking was no longer under the control of its brain.My mother-in-law's father raised the ax again and slashed ferociously, widening the wound on the cow's neck.He made a "hey hey" sound while cutting, and his movements were fairly accurate. Every time the ax fell, the wound deepened a piece.After the cave sacrifice ceremony was completed, my mother-in-law, her father and uncles went into the cave with their belongings.She was left outside the cave to guard the ships and utensils.My mother-in-law said they were as silent as stones sinking into the ocean after they went in.She was terrified facing the bull's head with wide eyes and the bloody cow's body alone.Looking at the vast sea and sky from a distance, the mainland is hidden behind the sea, and there are many big birds with unknown names flying on the island.A few fat rats came out of the cracks in the rock, squeaking, and jumped onto the carcass of the cow. My mother-in-law tried to drive them away, but they jumped half a meter high and attacked my mother-in-law, a little girl. She could clearly feel the mouse's paw scratching her chest.My mother-in-law jumped into the hole howling. She cried out to find her father and uncles, and went through a dark hole.Suddenly her eyes lit up, and seven dazzling torches appeared on her head.My mother-in-law said that her father made many torches out of pine resin-soaked branches during the off-season for picking swallows.My mother-in-law said that she stopped crying immediately after seeing the light of the torch, and a sacred and solemn atmosphere strangled her throat.She felt that her little terror was nothing compared to what her parents were doing. It was a huge cave, about 60 meters high and 80 meters wide. My mother-in-law used her adult estimation ability to measure her childhood impression.Exactly how long the cave was, my mother-in-law said she couldn't figure it out.In the cave, there is the gurgling sound of running water, the ding-dong sound of water droplets falling, and the cool breeze.She looked up and saw the torches burning in mid-air, and the flames reflected her father's face, her uncles' faces, especially her little uncle's.Under the reflection of the flames, that charming face has the color and texture of amber, which is deeply touching and unforgettable. Like the champagne brewed by the widow of Clico Pontsardin, it is refreshing and moistening the lungs, lingering and overwhelming. , outstanding.He held a beeping torch in his mouth, his body was tightly pressed against a rock crevice, and he stretched out the knife towards a crystal and milky white thing.That is bird's nest. My mother-in-law said that when she entered the cave, the first thing that fascinated her was not the turpentine torch hanging high above her head, nor the charming face of the little uncle who was illuminated by the torch, but the golden wires flying all over the cave. Yan.Scared by the flames, they flew out of the nest one after another, but they didn't want to stay away from the nest. The swallows in the cave were flying like blooming mountain flowers, and like a group of butterflies circling.The sound of swallows chirping, thousands of voices, crying blood crying blood.My mother-in-law said that she could hear the bitterness and anger contained in the swallow's cry.Her father drove a long green bamboo from her head to the side of the cave wall, where there were more than a dozen freshly solidified bird's nests.Her father's face was upturned, a white cloth was wrapped around his head, his two black nostrils were wide open, and his face was like that of a roasted suckling pig.He stretched out the white spatula, cut off a bird's nest with one click, caught it with his hand, and put it into the fork bag at his waist.A few small black things fell down and landed on my mother-in-law's feet, with a soft snap, she lowered her head to touch, and picked up a few broken eggshells, with egg yolk and egg white stained on the shell.My mother-in-law said she was very upset.She also felt very sad when she saw her father risk picking swallows at a height of tens of meters relying on only a few weak green bamboos.The swallows flocked to her father's torch, as if to extinguish it, to protect their nest and offspring.But the power of the fire drove them back at the last moment.Their wings folded quickly when they were about to touch the flames, and their blue swallow feathers shone in the flames.My mother-in-law said that her father ignored the harassment of the swallows. Even though the swallows' wings were flapping his head, his eyes were still fixed on the bird's nests on the rock wall, and he used steady and ruthless techniques to chip them off one by one. When a torch was nearly exhausted, my mother-in-law said that her father and uncles slid down from the green bamboos leaning against the cave wall.They gathered together, lit new torches, poured out the bird's nest from the fork bag, and piled it on a white cloth.My mother-in-law said that according to the usual practice, her father only picked swallows with one torch, and his younger brothers picked the remaining three torches. After all, the body is already aging.My mother-in-law said she surprised and delighted them by appearing in front of them.Her father reprimanded her why she went into the cave without permission, and she said that she was scared outside the cave alone.My mother-in-law said that as soon as she said the word "scared", her father immediately changed his face, raised his hand and slapped her, saying: Shut up.She said her father's hands were sticky and covered with bird's nest juice.My mother-in-law said that she later learned that words such as "fall", "slip", "death", "scared" are absolutely not allowed in the cave, otherwise it will be very bad luck.She was slapped and whimpered.Her little uncle said: Don't cry, Yanni, I will catch you a swallow later. Each of them smoked a pot of cigarettes, wiped the sweat from their bodies with the fork bag on their waists, then took the torches in their mouths and walked to the depths of the cave.My mother-in-law said that her father said: Since you are here, look at the goods, and I will go up to pick a torch.According to regulations, they have to pick four torches every day. My mother-in-law said that her father went there with a torch in his mouth. She saw running water at the bottom of the cave, snakes in the water, and many rotten bamboo poles and vines.Her eyes followed her little uncle, because he said he would catch a live swallow for her.She saw him fly along a few green bamboos to a height of more than ten meters, find a gap to stand on, and then bend down to lift up the bamboo under his feet, insert it, and lift up another bamboo. On the other bamboo, lift up another one and hold it.Three bamboo stools form a breathtaking sky bridge.Her little uncle stepped on the crumbling overpass and approached the vault of the cave, where there was a mushroom-shaped milkstone hanging down, and on that stone, there were more than a dozen extra-large white bird's nests.When the swiftlets in other places abandon their nests and fly away, the swallows here do not fly. They may know that their nests are built in absolutely safe locations.In the built nest, there are two clever swallow heads stretched out, and several swiftlets are hanging upside down on the milkstone, shaking their heads frequently, pulling white and transparent silk threads, weaving delicate and graceful nests.They may not know that my mother-in-law's little uncle is already holding and stepping on the cold and slippery rocks, like a terrible big gecko, getting closer to them little by little.My mother-in-law said that swiftlets hold the rock tightly with their eight forward-facing claws, coughing and spitting to build their nests.Its short mouth is like a dexterous shuttle, weaving quickly on the curved plane.After pulling the bright silk for a while, they tighten their bodies, shake their wings and tail feathers, cough up precious saliva from their throats, hold it in their mouths, and then pull the bright silk.Those things solidified into transparent white jade in an instant in the air.My mother-in-law said that swiftlets spit out their saliva to build nests, which is a rare spectacle in nature. The dignitaries don't know the hard work of swiftlets, let alone the hard work of swallow pickers, so they don't feel the preciousness of bird's nests. My mother-in-law's little uncle was almost hanging upside down on the fat part of the stone mushroom. With only two feet, he was able to hold the extremely slippery milk stone despite the ditches, which is really incredible.Torches extended sideways, and flames blazed on the outside of his head.The bag with swallows hanging from his waist hangs down, like two broken flags drooping in the rain.Naturally, he couldn't speak, but his situation already showed that he couldn't put the bird's nest he picked into the fork bag.My mother-in-law said that my father had slipped down from the rock wall, holding a torch, looking up at the little brother who hung his life on the top of the cave, and was ready to pick up the bird's nest he cut off with a knife at any time. My mother-in-law said she has never seen such a big bird's nest until now.That is an ancient bird's nest.My mother-in-law said that swallows have the habit of building new nests on top of old ones. As long as they are not damaged, they can build a nest as big as a bamboo hat.Of course, undamaged swallow nests are almost pure swallow saliva, free of impurities and of excellent quality. He stretched out his hand, holding a sharp triangular scraper in his hand.His body was horribly elongated like a snake.My mother-in-law said she saw many bright beads of sweat dripping from the tips of her little uncle's hair.His knife touched the edge of the huge bird's nest, touched, touched.His body elongated again, and his spatula penetrated into the base of the bird's nest. As he swung the spatula back and forth, clusters of sweat dripped from him.The big swallows in the bird's nest flew out, and they were extremely brave, bumping into his face with their bodies desperately, again and again.My mother-in-law said that the bird's nest sticks very firmly to the stone, especially the bird's nest that has been grown for many years, almost as if it had grown on the stone.So her little uncle's job is extremely hard, he must ignore the crazy rush of the big swallow, must not be distracted, his hands must not be soft, he must clenched his teeth, close his eyes, hold on, bite his teeth into his lips, taste The taste of own blood. My mother-in-law said, oh my god, it seems like hundreds of years have passed, the huge bird's nest is finally tilted, finally hanging down, just one more time, and it will fall down, like a huge piece of white gold. Uncle, work harder!My mother-in-law couldn't help crying out.With her cry, his body jumped forward, and the white bird's nest broke away from the rock, fluttered, and after a long time, landed in front of the feet of my mother-in-law and her father.At the same time as the bird's nest, there was her little uncle with extraordinary skills.我们在前边说过，他能从十几米的高处飘然落地而不损伤自己的身体，但这一次是太高了，而且姿势不对。他的脑浆溅到了那只燕窝上。那只自高空跌落的火把落地之后依然燃烧着，一直到洞底的浅浅流水把它浸灭为止。 我岳母说，她小叔叔摔死后五年，她的父亲也粉身碎骨在一个岩洞里，但采集燕窝的工作并不因为死人而停止。她不可能继承父业，也不愿意靠叔叔们养活，在一个炎热的夏日里，她背着那只沾着小叔叔脑浆的巨燕，踏上了漫漫征程。那年，我的岳母十四岁。 我岳母说，按照常理她绝对不会成为一个烹制燕窝的名厨，因为每当她用针挑剔燕窝里的杂质时，眼前便会再现那些惊心动魄的画面。她怀着无限的敬惜之情烹制每一个燕窝，正因为知道这物背后隐藏着的辛酸血泪——燕的和人的——所以她获得了关于燕窝的超凡经验。但她的心中毕竟还有些疙瘩，燕窝与人的脑浆的关系使她不舒服，自从酒国市独创了烹食肉孩的惊人业绩后，她心中那点介蒂便烟消云散了。 我岳母忧心忡忡地说，进入九十年代后，中国大陆的燕窝需求量激增，但我国南方的采燕业已经濒临灭亡。采燕者把先进的液压升降设备和电气照明设备搬进洞穴，人们可以轻松自如地、毫无危险地、不但割取燕窝，而且捕杀燕子。中国其实已无燕可采。在这种情况下，为满足人们的需要，只好从东南亚各国大量进口，导致燕价暴涨，香港市场上每公斤燕窝已值二千五百美元，而且还有继续上涨之势。燕价飞涨又刺激了国外采燕者的疯狂，当年我父亲他们每年只采一次燕窝，而现在，泰国的采燕者每年采集四次。再过二十年，孩子们都不知燕窝为何物了。我岳母喝光了碗中的燕窝羹，说。 我说，其实，即使现在，吃过燕窝的中国孩子也不超过一千个。这玩艺儿有没有对于广大的老百姓来说无关紧要，您何必操心呢？ 一斗兄： 大作与来信收悉。 《采燕》读罢，浮想联翩。小时候听我爷爷说，有钱人家吃饭，那桌上摆着的都是一些驼蹄、熊掌、猴头、燕窝什么的。骆驼我是见过了，那肥大的驼蹄也许真好吃，但我无口福。我小时吃过一次二哥从生产队的死马腿上偷偷剁下来的马蹄子，自然没有名厨料理，由我母亲放在白水里加盐煮，吃肉没有多少，喝汤可以管饱。这顿马蹄汤给我留下了深刻印象，至今难以忘怀，过年回家时兄弟聚会，还经常提起，好像那鲜美的味道还在舌尖缭绕。那是一九六○年，最困难的时候，所以才能留下如此深刻印象吧！熊掌嘛，前年一个企业家请我吃饭，最末一道菜端上来一盘黑不溜秋的东西，东道极郑重地说：这是熊掌，刚托人从黑龙江弄回来的。于是便极兴奋地夹了一筷子放到嘴里，细细地品咂，感觉到粘粘糊糊的，不香不臭，与猪蹄子上的筋皮没有什么差异，心里这么想，嘴里却连说好滋味。主人挑了一点尝了尝，说：发得不好！然后又批评厨师不会做。我实在不知何为“发”，但又不好意思问。后来在北京请教了一位在饭店工作过的朋友，才知道“发”是怎么回事。他还告诉我，我吃到的是干制了的熊掌，所以要发。而新鲜熊掌是不需要发的。但制作亦不易，他说如得到一个新鲜掌，即要掘地作坑，用大块石灰铺底，把熊掌放进去，上面再用石灰盖好，然后往石灰上浇温水，使灰发热泛开，即可把掌上的毛根除尽。他说吃熊掌要耐心，因为熊掌煨的愈烂愈好吃，所以晚上吃熊掌，清晨即应上锅炖起来。这也太麻烦了吧！另外我记得我爷爷说过，熊冬天不吃食，饿了即舔掌疗饥，所以熊掌是宝，这种说法我想大概没什么道理。至于猴头，原先我以为是猴子的头，后来才听说是一种树菌。这玩艺儿我没吃过，但因胃病吃过不少“猴头菌片”。近日在火车上碰到一位制药厂的师傅，他说哪里去搞那么多猴头菌？弄点木耳、蘑菇的加进去就不错了。这使我吃了一惊，没想到药里也掺假，药里都敢掺假，还有什么是真的呢？最后，该说说这可怕的燕窝了，我没有见过，也没有吃过，以前读，看到生肺病的林黛玉动不动就喝燕窝汤，所以知道是好东西，一般人吃不起。但我根本没想到这玩艺儿那么贵，我们辛辛苦苦工作半辈子，所发工资加起来还买不了几斤燕窝。看了你的小说，我这辈子也不要吃燕窝了，贵是一个原因，另一个原因是太残忍了。我不是虚伪的“燕道主义”者，但一想到那唾血成窝的金丝燕，心里就不是滋味。我的水平跟你小说中的“我老婆”差不多。我怀疑燕窝不像“我岳母”说的那般玄乎，香港人喜食燕窝，但街上走着的人里，个头矮小尖嘴缩腮者居多，我们山东人吃地瓜单饼大葱，净长了些大个子，街上美女虽不成群却也随处可见，由此可见，那玩艺儿的营养价值跟烤地瓜也差不到哪里去，花那三那个黑色的侏儒中了枪弹后，身体猛地往上一窜，有腾空飞起之状，但灼热的弹头已迅速地击溃了他的中枢神经，使他依然活着的肢体陷入混乱。混乱的表现是：他并没有发挥出他体内潜藏着的神奇能量，像酒博士的小说《一尺英豪》中描写的那样，飞起来，贴到天花板上，像一只巨大的壁虎；相反的是，他的身体上蹿了几厘米后，便歪斜着从女司机的膝盖上滑落下来。丁钩儿看到他在地板上拼命地神展着身体，股上的肌肉绷紧，好像一条条在寒风中发抖的高压电线。血和脑浆从他的头上溅出来，肮脏地涂在打着蜡的柞木地板上。后来，他的一条腿像脖子上挨了刀的小公鸡，有力地伸缩着，他的身体在这股力量的驱动下，相当流畅地旋转起来。旋转了大约有十几圈的光景，他的腿不蹬了，紧随着出现的情况是：侏儒身体拘禁，颤抖得十分剧烈。起初是全身颤抖，抖出索索的声响，后来是局部地颤抖，他身上的肌肉群像看台上训练有素的足球迷制造的浪潮一样，从左脚尖抖至左腿肚再至左股左臀左腰左肩绕过肩头至右肩右腰右臀右股右小腿肚右脚，然后再反方向颤抖回去。好久，颤抖也停止了。丁钩儿听到侏儒排泄出一股气体，拘禁着的身体突然舒展开来。他死了，像一条盛产于热带沼泽中的黑鳄鱼。在观察侏儒的死亡过程时，他一刻也没停止观察女司机。就在侏儒从她光滑赤裸的膝盖上滑落下去那一瞬间，她仰面躺倒在那张钢丝弹簧床上。床上铺着洁白如雪的床单，凌乱地摆着一堆奇形怪状的枕头和靠垫。那里边填充着鸭绒，因为当她的头砸在一只四周镶着粉红色花边的大枕头上时，丁钩儿看到几根细小的鸭羽从枕头上轻飘飘地飞起来。她的双腿劈开耷拉在床下，身体仰着。这姿势让丁钩儿心中的沉渣快速泛起，他忆起了与女司机的狂欢——紧追着来的是刻骨铭心的嫉妒，他用牙齿狠狠地咬住嘴唇，但胸中的邪火还是化作一丝丝痛苦的如同中弹未死的猛兽一样的呻吟声从牙缝里钻出来。他一脚踢开了黑色侏儒的尸体，提着青烟袅袅的手枪，站到女司机身边。她肉体上的一切都唤起了他对她的恋爱和对她的仇恨，他希望她死了更希望她仅仅是吓晕了过去。他捧起了她的头颅，看到从微微张开的柔软而没有弹性的双唇间泄露出来的那些贝壳般的牙齿闪烁出来的微弱的光芒。深秋的罗山煤矿的那个早晨的情景蓦然出现在侦察员的眼前，那时候他感到她霸蛮地贴上来的嘴唇“凉飕飕的、软绵绵的，没有一点弹性，异常怪诞，如同一块败絮”……他看到在她的双眉之间，有一个黄豆粒般大小的黑色洞眼，洞眼周围分布着一些钢青色的细屑，他知道那是弹头的细屑。他的身体摇晃着，又一次感到有一股腥甜的液体从胃里爬上来。他跪在她双腿前，“哇”地喷出一口鲜血，使她的平坦的肚腹上增添了色彩，他惊恐万分地想：“我把她打死了！” 他伸出食指，触摸了一下她双眉之间那个弹洞。他感到那儿的温度很高，弹洞的边缘上翘着一些刺儿，咝儿咝儿地磨着他食指上的皮肤。那感觉很熟悉。他努力回忆着，终于回忆起儿时用舌尖舔冒出一半的新牙的感觉。紧接着他又想起自己批评儿子舔牙齿的情景：那个圆圆脸，圆眼睛，无论穿着多么干净的衣服也显得邋邋遢遢的小男孩大背着书包，脖子上胡乱系着红领巾、手里持一根柳条儿、用舌尖舔着牙齿走到了他的面前。侦察员拍拍他的头顶，他挥起柳条抽着他的腿，不高兴地说：讨厌！拍我头顶干什么？难道你不知道，拍头顶会使人变傻吗？他歪着头，弯着眼睛，一副认真的模样。侦察员笑着说：傻小子！拍头顶不会使人变傻，但舔牙齿却会使牙齿长歪……一股强烈的思念之情使他心中热浪翻滚，他急忙把手指缩回来，泪水涌出的眼眶。他低声呼唤着儿子的乳名，攥着拳头、狠狠地擂着自己的额头，嘴里骂着：“混蛋！丁钩儿你这个混蛋，你怎么能干出这样的事情！” 那个小男孩不满地盯了他一眼，转身走了。他那两条结实的小腿快速地移动着，转眼便消逝在穿梭般的车辆中。 他想，伤了两条人命，死罪是难以逃脱了，但临死之前要见见儿子。于是他想起省城，那里遥远得像天国一样。 他提着枪膛里只有一发子弹的手枪，跑出了一尺餐厅的大门。大门两侧的侏儒姐妹扑上来拉住他的衣角。他甩开她们，不顾死活，横穿车辆如水的大街。他听到身体两侧响起了一片难听的、嘎嘎吱吱的紧急刹车声。似乎有一辆车撞在了他的屁股上，他借着这股力量蹿到了人行道上。他隐隐约约地听到一尺餐厅大门附近噪声连天，人们在喊叫。他沿着铺满枯叶的人行道疾跑，恍惚感到是清晨时分，雨后初晴的天上布满血红的云霞。一夜的冻雨使地面滑溜溜，低矮的树枝上沾着一层毛茸茸的冰霰，树木变得十分美丽。似乎只是一转眼的工夫他便跑到那条熟悉的石头街道上。街道的排水沟里升腾着乳白色的蒸汽，有一些猪头肉、炸丸子、甲鱼盖、红烧虾、酱肘子之类的精美食品，漂浮在水面上。几个衣衫褴褛的老人用绑着网的长杆打捞那些食品。他们嘴上都油漉漉的，面孔都红润，显然从这些垃圾里汲取了足够的营养，他想。有几个骑自行车的人，突然把面孔歪曲得丑陋不堪，然后发出惊诧的叫声，狼狈不堪地、连人带车跌到道旁狭窄的水沟里去。他们的车子和身体破坏了水的宁静，把浓重的酒糟味道和动物尸体的恶臭搅动起来，熏得他直想呕吐。他贴着墙根跑，倾斜的路面使他摔了跤。他听到后面传来乱糟糟的喊抓声。他爬起来后回了一下头，看到有一群人在跳着脚喊叫，并没有人敢追上来。他的脚步慢了些，激烈的心跳使他胸腔剧痛。石墙那一边就是他熟悉的烈士陵园，那些宝塔状的长青树露出半截雪白的树冠，显得格外圣洁。 他跑着想，我为什么要跑呢？天网恢恢，疏而不漏，我能跑到哪里去呢？但双腿依然载着他跑。他看到了那棵巨大的银杏树，树下那个卖馄饨的老头像根棍子一样立在那儿，馄饨挑子冒着一团团的热气，老头儿的脸在热气中时隐时现，宛若一颗丑陋的月亮在薄云中穿行。他模模糊糊地想起那老头儿手掌里还攥着他一颗用来抵押馄饨债的黄澄澄的手枪子弹。他想应该去把那颗子弹要回来，但馄饨的味道从胃里泛上来，而且是韭菜猪肉馅的馄饨，初冬的韭菜味道鲜美，价格昂贵，他拉着她的手在省城的农贸市场里买菜，郊区来的菜贩子蹲在摊子后边啃冷馍馍，牙齿上沾着韭菜。他看到老头儿把手掌摊开，向他展示着那颗漂亮的子弹，雾中的脸上有一种祈求的表情。他想弄清楚老头儿在祈求什么，狗的吠叫声打断了他的思绪。那条虎纹大狗像个影子一样，无声无息地出现在他的面前。它的吠叫声似乎在遥远的地方、在远方的野草梢头滚动，在近处却听不到半点响声，在近处他看到它奇怪地点着很沉重的脑袋，开合着大嘴，却发不出一点声音，于是就产生了一种梦一般的、鬼鬼祟祟的效果。虽是红日初升的凌晨，光线竟也使叶片已相当稀疏的银杏树投下了斑驳陆离的淡影，在黄狗的身上罩上一些依稀可辨的网络。从狗的眼神里他感到它并没有与他为仇的愤怒，它的吠叫，不是示威，而像一种友好的暗示或者催促。他胡乱跟卖馄饨的老汉叨咕了一句话，话一出口就被小风吹散了。所以当老汉大声问他说什么时他糊糊涂涂地说：“我要去找儿子。” 他对黄狗点点头，远远地避着它，绕到银杏树后去。他看到那位看守烈士陵园的老人紧贴着树干站着，怀里抱着猎枪，枪口斜指着树冠。从老人投过来的眼神里他同样感到催促和暗示，他激动万分地对老人鞠躬，然后抽身向前方的一片楼房跑去，那里冷冷清清，没有一个人影。背后一声枪响，吓得他本能地扑倒在地，打了一个滚，将身体隐蔽在一丛枝叶凋零的蔷薇花后边。他随即又听到一声枪响，循声望去，一只黑色的大鸟像一块黑石头，从空中落下来。银杏树上的枝叶抖动，几片黄叶在桔红色的阳光中飘然而下，十分诗意，宛如深秋的音乐。看守陵园的老人紧贴银杏树干站着，一动不动。他看得到双筒猎枪里冒出的袅袅青烟。又看到虎纹大狗已从树的那边转过来，嘴里叼着被老人击落的黑色大鸟，跑到老人身边。狗放下鸟，蹲踞在老人身边，双眼被阳光映照成两个金色的光点。 他进入楼群前先穿越了一个萧条的街心公园，看到有几个老人在遛鸟，有几个青年人在跳绳。他把枪藏在腰里，装出无事人的样子，从他们身边穿过去。一进入楼群，他发现自己犯了一个严重的错误，这里竟隐藏着一个卖旧货的早市。有许多人，蹲在地上守着摊子。摊子上摆着古旧的钟表、“文革”中流行的毛泽东的像章和半身石膏塑像，还有老式的宛若一朵喇叭花的留声机，等等。但没有一个买东西的人，那些卖主们都目光炯炯的观察着稀疏的行人。他感到这是一个陷阱，一个口袋阵，那些卖东西的人，都是些便衣警察。丁钩儿凭着几十年的经验越看越觉得他们是便衣警察。他机警地退到一棵白杨树后，观察着动静。从一座楼房背后鬼鬼祟祟地转出了七八个青年，有男的有女的，从他们的眼神和体态上，丁钩儿断定这是一个从事某种非法活动的小团伙，而那个走在中间，穿一件长及膝盖的灰布大褂、头戴一顶红色小帽、脖子上挂着一串清朝铜钱的姑娘就是这个小团伙的头头。他突然看到了那个姑娘脖子上的几道皱纹，并嗅到了她嘴巴里的那股子外国烟草的辛辣味道。仿佛那姑娘就压在自己的身下一样。于是他开始端详她的脸，女司机的面目竟慢慢地从这位陌生姑娘的脸上显出来，像蝉的身体从那层薄薄的躯壳中脱出来一样。而且，她的两眉之间那圆圆的弹洞里渗出了一线玫瑰红的血。那线血垂直地流下去，从鼻梁正中，把嘴巴中分，再往下，流经肚脐，再往下，然后她的身体就霍然分开，一大堆脏腑咕嘟嘟冒出来。侦察员大叫了一声，转身就跑，可是怎么跑也跑不出旧货早市。后来，他蹲在那个卖旧手枪的摊位前，装作买主，翻弄着那些红锈斑斑的破货。他感觉到那个分成两半的女人在自己背后正用一种绿色的纸带把身体缠起来，缠得非常快，起初还能看到有两只戴着米黄色塑胶手套的手在飞快地动作着，一会儿工夫，手就变成了两团黄黄的暗影，湮没在那些湿漉漉的、像鲜嫩的水草一样的碧绿纸带之中。那碧绿是一种超级的碧绿，碧绿出了蓬勃的生命力，于是那些纸带就自个儿飞舞起来，顷刻之间就缠紧了她的身体。他背后冰凉着，假装悠闲，抄起一支造型优美的左轮子手枪，使劲去转动那锈死了的转轮。用劲转，用劲转，怎么也转不动。他问摊主：有山西老陈醋没有？摊主说，没有山西老陈醋。他失望地叹了一口气。摊主说：你仿佛是个行家，其实是个外行。我这儿虽然没有山西老陈醋，但我有朝鲜白醋，这种醋除锈的功能胜过山西老陈醋一百倍。他看到摊主把一只又白又嫩的手伸进怀里，摸呀摸呀，好像在摸什么东西。他隐隐约约地看到了摊主粉红色的绣花乳罩里塞着两个瓶子，瓶子的玻璃是绿色的，但不是那种透明的绿，而是一种雾蒙蒙的绿，很多外国名酒的瓶子就是用这种玻璃制成的。这种雾蒙蒙的绿玻璃显得特别宝贵，明知是玻璃，但怎么看也不像玻璃，所以这种玻璃就贵重。他利用这个句式进一步往下推绎，得到了一个佳句：明知盘里是一个男婴，但怎么看也不像男婴，所以这男婴就贵重。反过来推绎又得到了另一个佳句：明知盘里不是一个男婴，但怎么看也是个男婴，所以这不是男婴的东西也珍贵。那只手终于从乳罩里拖出一个瓶子来，瓶子上印着一些曲里拐弯的字母，他一个也不认识，但他却虚荣地、拿腔拿调地说：是“威思给”还是“拔兰兑”，好像他满肚子外文一样。那人说：这是你要的朝鲜白醋。他接过瓶子，抬头一看，摊主的模样很像送他中华烟的那位领导，细看又不太像。 莫言老师： Hello!如果没记错的话，我已经连续给您寄去过八篇作品，但至今也没接到《国民文学》编辑老爷们一个字的回音，如此冷淡一个文学青年，我认为是不妥当的。他们既然开着那么个铺子，就应该善待每一个投稿者，俗话说得好，“三十年河东，三十年河西”，“天转地旋，你上来我下去”，“人无千日好，花无百日红”，“两座山碰面难，两个人碰面易”，保不准哪一天，周宝和李小宝这两个小子会撞到我的枪口上呢！老师，从今之后，我决不再向《国民文学》这家被坏人把持的反动刊物投稿了，咱们人穷志不穷，天地广阔，报刊如林，何必在一棵树上吊死？您说是不是老师？ 我们的首届猿酒节筹备工作已基本就绪；我也把救治那批库存病酒的勾兑方案弄了出来。样品送到市酒品鉴定小组，几位专家刷牙漱口品评后，一致认为此酒风味独特，宛若一个弱不禁风、愁眉紧锁的美人。市酒品命名协会为此酒定名为“病西施”，我认为欠妥，“病”字不吉利，势必会给消费者的心理上蒙上阴影，影响销路，我建议把“病西施”改为“西子颦”或“黛玉葬花”，病美人的意思都有了，但字面上要温柔多情、惹人怜爱许多。市酒品命名协会的人既嫉妒又保守，死抱着“病西施”不放，我在忍无可忍的情况下，提着酒找到了市长的秘书，敬以美酒，晓以大义，把秘书感动了，带着我去见了市长。市长听了我的陈述，杏眼圆睁，柳眉倒竖，一拍桌子站起来，又一拍桌子坐下去，拿起电话机，一阵乱戳，把市酒品命名协会的会长戳出来，一顿训斥，可谓义正辞严，理直气壮，犹如泰山压顶，汤浇蚁穴，火燎蜂房，蝎子窝里捅一棍，我虽然看不到，但也基本上等于看到了：市酒品命名协会的会长罗圈着腿蹲在了地上，头上沁出了一层黄豆大的汗珠。市长对我大加赞赏，说我为首届猿酒节也就是为酒国市立了一大功。市长随即温柔地问起了我的家庭情况工作情况以及业余爱好、拜师交友诸多方面的情况，我感到心里温暖如春，便把心里话一点不剩地倒了出来。市长对老师您的情况极为关切，并亲口告我让我代她邀请您来参加猿酒节，至于差旅费、食宿费问题，市长嗤之以鼻地说：把酒国市的酒瓶子里的残酒倒倒也够养活十个莫言。 莫老师，我已决定把这种新酒的命名权转让于您，是“西子颦”是“黛玉葬花”由您定夺，当然老师如有更佳构思更佳。我们市长答应付给您一字千金的命名费。另外，还敢请您为此酒写一份广告文字，我们准备不惜一切代价将广告挤进中央电视台的黄金时段里去，向全国人民乃至全世界人民推荐“黛玉葬花”或是“西子颦”。因此，这广告词儿至关重要，既要幽默风趣又要形象生动，让人一看就如同见到了林黛玉妹妹或是西施姐姐，皱着双眉捧着心口扛着鹤嘴锄咕嘟着樱桃小嘴如弱柳扶风般飘飘袅袅而来，谁也不忍心不买它，尤其是那些患着相思症、失恋病、神经过敏而又具有一定的古典文学素养的青年男女更是不惜当掉裤子买它饮它欣赏它用它治疗自己的爱情病或是把它当成裹着糖衣的炮弹向自己的意中人发起精神性的物质进攻或是物质性的精神刺激以期达到自己的目的。在您的那些缠绵悱恻令人柔肠寸断的广告词的引导下，此酒病恹恹的味道便会变成病态的因而也是迷人心魄的爱情的味道，麻醉众多喜好钻进小说的浪漫意境里去充当一个人物的中国发育不良的小资产阶级青年男女的苍白心灵，给他们理想、希望、力量，使他们不至于因情自尽。于是此酒就会成为震惊世界的爱情酒，于是此酒所有的缺点就会变成显著的特点而引人注目。老师，其实人类的许多口味是一种训练的结果。某种东西，当众人都说好时，就没人敢说不好，大众的趣味具有高大的威权，就像市委组织部长对一个基层干部的威权一样，说你好你就好不好也好，说你不好就不好好也不好。另外，饮酒饮食都是一种食痴成癖、喜新厌旧、喜欢冒险、寻求刺激的行为。许多所谓的美食都是背叛传统、蔑视定法的结果。吃腻了雪白清香的豆腐就吃生满霉斑的臭豆腐，吃够了肥美鲜嫩的猪肉便吃腐烂猪肉里孳生的蛆虫。如此同理，饮腻了真正的琼浆玉液，便寻求苦辣酸涩的怪味刺激口腔粘膜和舌头上的味蕾。所以，只要我们引导得法，就没有推销不出去的酒液。希望老师能在写作长篇小说的间隙里，捉摸几句词儿，有我们市长的大话压着阵脚，您必将得到丰厚的润笔，也许您辛苦半年写出的长篇，还不如写一段广告词儿赚的钱多。 近日我还是很忙，我们市长在与我谈话时流露出一个伟大的构想：他想由我牵头成立一个写作班子，起草一部《酒法》。《酒法》自然是酒的根本大法，涉及到酒的方方面面。此事如能成功，不夸张地说，必将开创一个关于酒的新纪元，光照千秋，泽被万代。这是一项历史性的创作，我诚邀老师参加《酒法》起草小组，即使不能亲自捉笔，起码也要当我们的首席顾问。如果此事果行，希望老师不要拒绝我。 这封信写得七嘴八舌，交头接耳，但基本上杂乱成章，原因自然还在酒上，请老师鉴谅。随信寄上昨天夜里我在醉意朦胧中创作的一篇新写实主义小说，欢迎老师批评指正。此小说往外推荐与否由老师定夺，学生创作它，是为了追求一个吉利的数字。我一向对“九”字敬之若神，这部题名《酒城》的小说是我的第九篇作品，但愿它像一颗新星，能够照亮我的黑暗的过去也能够照亮我面前的崎岖道路。 等您来，等您来，我的敬爱的老师，这里的山等您来，这里的水等您来，这里的小伙子等您来，这里的姑娘等