Chapter 20 end

Xiaoxi's mother died suddenly. She had just finished a nine-hour major operation that day, and when she was walking outside the operating room, she collapsed at the door of the operating room.The rescue work lasted for two hours. Both Xiaoxi's father and Xiaohang arrived. The hospital sent the best doctors and used the latest equipment and the best medicines, but they still failed to save her. When Xiaoxi's mother died, Xiaoxi was in a group of completely unfamiliar mourning teams, crying for someone she had never lived with.Naturally, she couldn't cry, and even He Jianguo couldn't cry, so they could only bow their heads and perform crying together, because Jianguo's sister-in-law was crying so hard that they almost lost their breath, and they couldn't help but share their sorrow and suffering.There are two full-time mourners who cry with Jianguo’s sister-in-law’s family. As expected of them, they cry louder, longer and more rhythmically than the family members of the deceased. How can we live?"It is also a kind of professional language.Their presence made the mourning team much more lively and grand.Whether the weddings and weddings are lively or not, and how many people come, is the measure of the family's status and popularity in the village.But, don't they, such as Jianguo's sister-in-law's family, feel the falseness of the excitement and momentum?That not only shows the sorrow of the unborn for the dead, but turns the tragedy into a farce and profanes the dead.Maybe they didn't care about the feelings of the dead at all.Everything the living do for the dead is for the living themselves.Of course, Xiaoxi only thinks about these thoughts in her heart, and will never say them.No one said.She didn't believe that He Jianguo didn't feel anything.If he could keep silent and join in, so could she.Isn't that just hypocrisy?It's all too easy to be hypocritical.As long as you walk into this line, keep your head down, and don't let anyone see your indifferent face, everything will be fine.Comparing my heart to my heart, I sincerely admire the two full-time mourners right now: Without considerable talents, such as distinctive lacrimal glands, broad and strong voice, and good professionalism, it is absolutely impossible to make a living by doing so.

The news of Xiaoxi's mother's death, Xiaohang did not dare to call his sister directly, but notified He Jianguo.Everything happened so suddenly, besides—besides, no matter what, he and Dad still saw Mom when Mom left. Where's the sister?His mother was fine when he left, but when he returned home, his mother was gone, so he didn't know how to explain to his sister.When He Jianguo received the call, Xiaoxi and Jianguo's mother were busy cooking for the mourners. Xiaoxi was in charge of pulling the bellows to light the fire. His face was covered with grass clippings and soot, which made He Jianguo dare not and shameless to tell her the truth.Just say, mom is sick, dad let us go back.Try to understate it as much as possible.He was afraid, he didn't know how Xiaoxi would react.In any case, let’s go back to Beijing to tell the truth. There are her father and younger brother in Beijing, as well as good hospitals and good medical conditions. If something happens to her, it will be easier to deal with it than here. It is much better in poor mountain villages.He told his parents the news of Xiaoxi's mother's death. They were shocked and urged them to go on the road.Along the way, Xiaoxi was anxious and kept calling Xiaohang to ask about her mother's situation.Since He Jianguo had communicated with Xiaohang in advance, Xiaohang only told his sister that his mother was ill, but he didn't dare to say that it was not serious, and he had to be mentally prepared.Hearing that her mother was seriously ill, Xiaoxi became more and more anxious, but she still didn't have the slightest premonition or psychological preparation that her mother would say goodbye to her forever.

………… The mortuary is in a secluded place in the backyard of the hospital. There are a row of flat cars inside. Only one of the flat cars is covered with a white sheet. It is quiet inside. Because it is too remote, there is little sunlight.The door opened, Xiaoxi Fengchen came in, rushed over, opened the sheet, and saw her dear mother.Without saying a word, she hugged her mother, and rubbed her face against her mother's face. Tears wet her mother's face, but she remained silent... He Jianguo stood in the back and wept silently. Xiaohang accompanied Xiaoxi's father in the ward. On the day Xiaoxi's mother died, Xiaoxi's father was admitted to the hospital due to a sudden heart attack.

Xiaoxi just didn't make a sound, looking suffocated.He Jianguo couldn't bear it anymore, walked over and hugged her gently from behind: "Xiaoxi, shall we go?" Xiaoxi didn't move, didn't make any sound, and after a long time, said in a low voice, "Jianguo, let's break up." He Jianguo was startled, and then said anxiously: "Xiaoxi, this is a coincidence—" "Accidental inevitability....I have seen Jianguo clearly. The gap between the two of us is too deep, so deep that our love cannot cross it..." "Xiaoxi!!" "Leave, leave, long-term pain is worse than short-term pain."

………… Xiaoxi's father was discharged from the hospital.One day, when the siblings took their father home, Xiaoxi stood by and held his father's hand with one hand. Two days after he was discharged from the hospital, Xiaoxi's father urged his daughter and son to go to work.When his wife was around, he most objected to his children delaying work due to personal affairs, and he did so in accordance with his wife's last wish.Xiaoxi and Xiaohang were worried, and proposed to spend another period of time, or they could stay at home with their father for a day.Xiaoxi's father said that there is nothing to worry about. In the past few years since I retired, haven't I been at home alone?The eye circles of Xiaoxi and Xiaohang immediately turned red, asking if it could be the same?However, Xiaoxi's father was extremely determined and stubborn, saying that their mother had lived her whole life, and she didn't want others to trouble her, let alone drag down her children.So, both of them had to go to work right away.As for him being alone at home, it will be a matter of time.Since it is sooner or later, it should start to adapt earlier.Xiaoxi Xiaohang couldn't hold back his father, so he had no choice but to agree.But soon, they discovered a change in their father, a change that disturbed them.The first time it was discovered by Xiaoxi.That day, both Xiaohang and Xiaoxi were unable to get off work on time due to get off work at work. Xiaoxi came back first, and it was already dark when they got home, but the house was dark and the lights were not turned on.She thought her father had gone out, and when she entered the house and turned on the light, she saw that her father was sitting on the sofa in the living room.She asked Dad why he didn't turn on the light, and Dad said: Forget it.Another time Xiaohang found out that Dad didn't answer the phone.He was on the construction site that day, and when he was free, he called his father to ask about his situation, but no one at home answered the phone.He called his sister and asked if his father had gone out, saying he didn't know.At the moment, the siblings took turns calling home, but no one answered.The two were in a hurry, and rushed home from their work units. When they got home, they found their father sitting on the sofa in the living room.There was a phone call when I entered the house. Dad let the phone ring crazily and remained indifferent.Xiaoxi answered the phone.The person on the phone first asked if it was Director Lu's house?He also said that Director Lu cured his illness, and his family was extremely grateful and could not repay him. A friend sent two baskets of hairy crabs, and he wanted to send them over for Director Lu to taste.After thanking her, Xiaoxi politely declined, and suddenly understood the reason why her father didn't answer the phone: After his father retired, more than 95% of the calls at home were to his mother, and his father couldn't bear the stimulation of the "Please call Director Lu" !

In the evening, He Jianguo came to visit Xiaoxi's father, bought food and cooked for Xiaoxi's father himself, including Wensi tofu, which Xiaoxi's father loves most.Xiao Xi's father only ate a small amount, pushed away the chair and left the table.After Xiaoxi's father left, He Jianguo learned about Xiaoxi's father's recent situation from Xiaoxi. On this day, He Jianguo looked for the address of an elderly consultation center he found on the Internet.An old expert with white hair and childlike face who seemed trustworthy received him.After listening to his description of Xiaoxi's father's situation, he said that this situation of Xiaoxi's father is very common.Retirement interrupts the social role of the elderly, and the loss of some social relationships will make the elderly feel lonely. This is more prominent in male elderly people. Men rely much more on social interaction than women. In other words, men are more dependent than women I am even more afraid of loneliness, especially after losing a spouse.That's why far more widowed older men remarry than women.His suggestion is to find a suitable wife for Xiaoxi's father as soon as possible.He Jianguo said that the relationship between the old couple was very good before his death, and he thought that the old man would not accept finding a wife again.At this time, the expert told him that in the past, people thought that the remarriage of the elderly was just an emotional appeal and a need to relieve loneliness. Now the facts show that the remarriage of the elderly is an effective retirement model, and the partner has extraordinary significance for the elderly. ...

He Jianguo conveyed the results of the consultation to Xiaoxi.Xiaoxi told Xiaohang again after returning home.Both are worried.Even if the experts are right, the "wife" is not just looking for it.It's not that I didn't think of finding a nanny, but a nanny is a labor force, and with Xiaoxi's father's current situation, he definitely doesn't want to have a stranger at home, and it's not tiring enough.What he needs now is a "companion"—an acquaintance who can take care of him and talk to him, as a companion. At the same time, this "partner" must have time off work. Where can I find such a person?It doesn't exist at all!

It was the weekend, and Xiaoxi cooked Wensi tofu for his father. He imitated He Jianguo's method and made it. After making it, the taste was very different, so he could only serve it. Fortunately, his father is not picky about anything now, and he doesn't care.When the family of three was eating, someone came to the house.Xiaoxi went to open the door, but was stunned after opening the door, not because it was He Jianguo who came, but because of the person standing next to He Jianguo. That person is Xiao Xia. On the day after learning about Xiaoxi's father's situation, He Jianguo went home to discuss with his brother—now that his brother lived at home, and this house was purely He Jianguo's home, but for some reason, the two of them didn't feel at ease because of it. Feeling guilty and uncomfortable——He Jianguo discussed with his brother and went back to his hometown in person to invite Xiaoxia.

Seeing Xiao Xia standing in front of him, Xiao Xi's father's voice revealed a bit of excitement: "Xiao Xia!...Why are you here! Quick, come in!" Xiaoxi, Xiaohang, especially He Jianguo, let out a long sigh. Xiaoxi sent He Jianguo away, all the way downstairs, speechless.When they reached the gate of the building and were about to break up, Xiao Xi whispered, "Thank you." He Jianguo also whispered, "I'm sorry." That time, Xiaoxi stood at the entrance of the building and watched He Jianguo drive away... With Xiaoxia in the family, she immediately became angry.She is also familiar with the way she does things, and she doesn't need to worry about anything.Xiaoxi's father's mood improved a lot.Sometimes when Xiao Xia was working, he would come to the kitchen to help her and talk.This afternoon, Xiaoxia was frying Chinese medicine and peeling peas in the kitchen.After Xiaoxi's father got up from his lunch break, he also came to the kitchen to help her peel the peas.

"Xiaoxia, do you agree with your lover when you come out this time?" Xiao Xia hesitated for a second: "I'm divorced." Xiao Xi's father was taken aback.Xiao Xia quickly said: "His family has always suspected that I gave birth to a girl and asked me to have another child. I don't want to have another child. This time the divorce is done for me." "Why—I mean why don't you want to be born again?" "If I'm born again, what if I'm still a daughter? Even if I have a son, the family's conditions mean that my son must be taken care of first. Then my daughter will be blind for nothing in this life?"

Xiaoxi's father half praised and sighed: "Xiao Xia, you are really different from ordinary rural women. You have to let your children go to school, no matter boys or girls, if you don't go to school, there is no way out." "Yes. I also regretted it last time when I left in a fit of anger. Divorced is even more difficult. We women have no land after divorce, and the land allocated to each family is under the man's name. In the countryside, peasants have no land, so how can they survive?..." Xiaoxi's father listened intently and relished it, and interrupted here: "Divorced, you came out, who will take care of the child now?" Xiao Xia said vaguely: "The old man is taking it." The reason why she didn't tell the truth was that Brother Jianguo wouldn't let her tell the Gu family that the child was brought by Jianguo's sister-in-law.She thought he might be afraid that they would be burdened with their thoughts. Spring Festival is coming.Banners and advertisements for discounts and promotions are everywhere, and Super Girl smiles on large and small posters... Xiao Xia washed, wiped and replaced what needed to be washed in the house, and bought a bouquet of lilies when shopping for vegetables, filling the house with the fragrance of flowers and vitality.Xiaoxi's father now entrusts Xiaoxia to manage his monthly living expenses. What to buy, eat, and pay various expenses are all decided by Xiaoxia. During this period, Xiaoxi recruited many candidates for her father, and finally selected a professor surnamed Qin who also taught Chinese.The two had been dating for a while, and they felt that they were okay with each other, so they decided that Professor Qin, who was in the third year of junior high school, would come to Gu's house to visit.One day, the family was watching TV and talking in the living room after dinner. Xiaoxi talked about Professor Qin and said that if Dad thought it was good, he could go through the formalities.Said that the man was a good match for Dad in terms of qualifications, they were both professors, and they were also pretty good-looking.Xiaohang disagreed with the last point, saying that for a woman of this age, there is no such thing as good-looking or not, only ugly or not.Xiaoxi said he was sexist, and Xiaohang said she was a gender crisis.Xiaoxi's father interrupted the bickering of his sons and daughters, and talked about business.His "business" is the marriage of his two sons and daughters.They are all older, one is divorced at home, and the other is married and unmarried.First blame Xiaoxi for not telling him about the divorce with He Jianguo earlier, and then blame Xiaohang for being "blinded by a leaf" by Jian Jia, and it turned out to be the current result, a family of three, three bachelors. ...At this moment, Xiao Xia came over after cleaning up the kitchen, and proposed to Professor Gu that he would go home for the Spring Festival. Xiaoxi's father panicked at that time, he couldn't imagine how life would be without Xiaoxia at home.But he immediately said: "Should be, should be, it's time to go back and have a look. It's been so long. When do you plan to leave?" Xiao Xia replied that he would discuss it with Brother Jianguo and see when he and his brother Go, she goes with them. Xiaoxi's dad kept saying "OK, OK", but there was obvious disappointment in his expression.The same goes for Xiaoxi, obviously disappointed, because she heard that He Jianguo was going back too.Although the life of the Gu family got back on track, especially after Xiaoxi's father found out about their divorce, she had very little contact with He Jianguo.But there are few trips back and forth, knowing that he is still in this city, I feel at ease, and knowing that he is leaving, I feel lost, especially during the Spring Festival. He Jiancheng did not go back to celebrate the New Year.If you don’t go home during the Spring Festival, you can get three times the wages here. His father said that earning more money is better than anything else.So, I won't go back.In the evening, when the two brothers talked about this matter, He Jianguo suddenly had a thought and said, how about letting his sister-in-law bring the children to Beijing to celebrate the New Year?He Jiancheng didn't expect it.Never dared to think.Thinking that this is a completely possible thing, I suddenly became excited: his daughter-in-law, his daughter, never dreamed of coming to Beijing!After making the decision, I called Xiaoxia and told Xiaoxia to go back by herself, don't wait for them. Xiao Xia is busy making preparations to go home for the New Year.Bought new clothes, comic books, and snacks for my daughter.This day, after she finished cooking, she hurriedly put a few mouthfuls into her mouth, and asked for leave to buy something for her daughter.After Xiaoxia left, Xiaoxi sighed: "It's too inconvenient for Xiaoxia to leave! I planned to relax completely during the Spring Festival, but now it's over, I still have to work!...Xiaohang, you have to do it too! One day per person!" Xiao Xia decided not to go back for the Spring Festival.One is that Professor Gu's appearance makes her feel uneasy; the other is that she feels that his illness is directly related to her, so she is not satisfied.The He Jianguo brothers made trouble for Xiaoxia not going back for the Spring Festival: what about her daughter?He Jiancheng's family is coming to Beijing, so they can't leave their children to the elderly.After much deliberation, He Jiancheng said that he might as well tell them not to come.He Jianguo shook his head, and told all the adults and children that the whole family, especially the children, were so happy that they couldn't tell, could it work?He Jiancheng told his younger brother that he would bring Xiaoxia's child with him otherwise.He Jianguo pondered for a while before agreeing, because there was no other way.Immediately call Xiaoxia and tell them their opinions, but there is one thing, Xiaoxia's child is brought by their family, and the Gu family should not know.After He Jianguo put down the phone, He Jiancheng said, "Why are you bothering, so what if you let his family know?"He Jianguo just shook his head and remained silent. On the first day of the new year, Xiaoxi's father received a New Year's call from his girlfriend, Professor Qin. To be exact, it was Xiaoxia who answered.Tell Xiaoxi's father that it is inconvenient to answer the phone and he is in poor health.So the other party asked Xiao Xi's father about his physical condition for a long time, which made Xiao Xia feel the other party's sincere concern. After putting down the phone, he happily informed Xiao Xi's father of his girlfriend's phone call. She was happy for Professor Gu. .I don't know why Professor Gu didn't say anything, and didn't show the slightest bit of happiness.On the evening of the second day of junior high school, Professor Qin called again, first politely asked about Professor Gu's physical condition, and then also politely canceled the visit of the third year of junior high school.After hearing this, Xiaoxi's father still didn't say anything.At that time Xiaoxi and Xiaohang were all there, and it was Xiaoxia who answered the phone. Xiaoxi asked her that Aunt Qin didn't say why she canceled the visit on the phone, and Xiaoxia said she said "something".Those who said this usually meant that it was all right, and they just didn’t want to come, so they asked Dad if they had conflicts with Aunt Qin recently.Xiaoxi's father shook his head and smiled, and said, "She wants to give up. I heard that I have a bad heart. When young people look for a partner, they first ask if they have money and good looks; when old people look for a partner, they first ask What matters is whether you are sick or not, and how long you can live." Xiaoxi and Xiaohang were shocked.Xiaoxi's father went on to say: "You can't understand this feeling, I understand. Why do the elderly remarry? Be with each other and take care of each other. Based on this need, first, you can't have too old, and second, you can't have sick people. I am the same. But Then again, if you are not old or sick, why would they want you, an old and sick old man?" Xiaoxi and Xiaohang couldn't say a word. The next day, Xiaohang said that he would drive everyone, mainly his father, out for a walk and relax.If you can't go to lively places, it's good to see the street scene in Beijing during the Spring Festival.But Xiaoxia said that she would not go, she has a few fellow villagers who want to get together during the Chinese New Year.Xiaohang said that he would take her there by car.She said that if it was not on the way, she would just take the bus.Now we went out together and left separately.Xiao Hang came to his senses only halfway: she said it was not on the way, she didn't even know where they were going, how could she know if it was on the way?She just didn't want to be with them.In the evening, after coming back for a long time, Xiaoxia still hasn't come back, so Xiaohang said that Xiaoxia might have found someone and went to fall in love.And analyzed it in this way: 1. It was good to go home for the Spring Festival, but suddenly I didn’t come back.Of course, you can't say that she didn't stay here because of Xiaoxi's father, but it is definitely not too much to say that she has both public and private interests; 2. Why don't you dare to walk with them?They didn't have any specific purpose when they went out, they could just give her a ride; three, if they didn't come back so late, it must be hard to part.Xiaoxi's father didn't think that Xiaoxia would go into a relationship, but he was very worried that she would meet bad people if she didn't come back so late, so he wanted to take the time to have a suitable opportunity to talk to her.Unexpectedly, before he talked to her, the next day, after Xiao Xia finished her lunch, she asked for leave and wanted to go out again. It was still a gathering of fellow villagers, but she said that she would try to come back before dinner and cook for them.During the Spring Festival, the Gu family had to pay Xiao Xia three times her salary.Seeing her in a hurry, Xiaoxi's father had nothing to say and let her go.After Xiaoxi and Xiaohang heard about this, they said in unison that Xiaoxia must have fallen in love, or else, what fellows, we just met yesterday, and we will meet again today!Xiaoxi's father still didn't believe it, saying that a nanny from the countryside could find someone in Beijing.Xiaohang said why not?Nanny can find migrant workers!Only then did Xiaoxi's father start to believe it, but at the same time, he had new worries, worrying that Xiaoxia would be deceived by someone who was not nice.I think I have to talk to Xiaoxia.But once faced with Xiao Xia, he didn't know how to talk about it.People didn't talk about falling in love. When you talk about falling in love with them, isn't it obvious that you don't trust them?Xiao Xia is such a self-respecting person, if the negotiation fails, both parties will be embarrassed.So I didn't talk about it again, I wanted to see what happened tomorrow.Unexpectedly, the next day, as soon as the kitchen was cleaned up after lunch, Xiao Xia asked for leave and wanted to go out again, the reason was still the same!Reminiscent of her mental state these days, she is out of her mind, thinking about going out in the afternoon since the morning, and every time she comes back, she is very excited, what is it if she is not in love?I hope she can find a suitable person. Whoever can find Xiao Xia will be lucky if he has eyesight.But at the same time, I immediately thought that if Xiaoxia had a partner, the next step would be to get married. Even if Xiaoxia was willing to separate from the groom for the sake of the Gu family, the groom would not agree.At the moment, my heart is lost and heavy.Said to himself: "If Xiaoxia really has a partner, she won't be able to stay in our house for long." "Dad, it's okay. I'm at home. I'll take care of you." Xiaoxi comforted her father. Xiaoxi's father vented his disappointment that Xiaoxia might leave on his daughter: "You come to take care of me? You don't even know what 'care' is!" Liu Kairui called Xiaoxi and directly called her cell phone.He said that if it was convenient for her, he hoped that she would come out for a while, because he wanted to talk to her about something.interview.Xiaohang stopped her sister. "Sister, do you think she will let you be Jian Jia's lobbyist for him?" "Don't worry. If Jian Jia doesn't want to be with him, it's useless for anyone to be a lobbyist, and vice versa." Xiaoxi's father said: "Perhaps Liu Kairui changed his mind and wanted to marry Jian Jia. As far as I feel, he never gave up on Jian Jia." Xiaoxi said: "It's true that I haven't given up. It's impossible to get married. A man like Liu Kairui, at a good level, puts his career before everything else, and at a bad word, he puts money above everything else, so he got divorced. His wife has to take half of his property, what can he do? In fact, he is right, a man loses everything if he loses his career. If there is no skin, how can the hair be attached?" After saying that, he waved his hands and left. Liu Kairui's wife died. Liu Kairui tried his best to save her. After all, she is his first wife and the mother of his child. There is a deep relationship between them and twenty years of common years.He was sitting with Xiaoxi in a coffee shop when he said these words.He looks haggard a lot, it seems that what he said is true.He didn't need to make this show in front of Xiaoxi either.Xiaoxi said yes, you are now a diamond king, can't the girl who jumps on you be pushed away or driven away?He said it was like this when his wife was still alive.Xiaoxi said, why do you insist on Jian Jia?Is there no one younger and more beautiful than her?He asked Xiaoxi back: "Do you think men only know how to judge people by their appearance?" "I don't know about other men. What do you choose?" "Among all the girls I have met, Jian Jia is the only one who is not with me for my money." Then he said his purpose of asking Xiaoxi out this time, and he called and texted Jian Jia He told about him and said that he wanted to marry Jian Jia, but there was no news from Jian Jia. Xiaoxi asked, "Why did you tell me about this?" "I hope you can help me. Helping me is equivalent to helping you. Didn't your family always disapprove of Xiaohang and her? Jian Jia followed me, and Xiaohang's matter will be solved easily!" Back home at night, Xiaoxi told her father and younger brother the truth: "Liu Kairui's wife died, and he wants to marry Jian Jia." Xiaohang said: "What are you going to do, help Liu Kairui convince Jian Jia?" Xiaoxi didn't say yes or no.Instead, he said: "According to current standards, Liu Kairui can be regarded as a new good man." Xiaohang asked: "Does that mean you plan to help him?" Xiaoxi's father said: "Helping him is helping you! As the saying goes, if you want to know whether a bird belongs to you, you shouldn't keep it in a cage!" Xiaohang was silent.Xiaoxi's father got up: "It's time to rest, it's getting late." Xiao Xi said: "Don't wait for Xiao Xia?" "She's not coming back tonight." "What?!" Xiaoxi was shocked. Xiao Xia didn't return to Gu's house until the next afternoon.She just went to the train station to see off her daughter. When they parted, her daughter cried, and she cried too. Now, both eyes are still red.As soon as she got home, she felt that the atmosphere in the house was not good, and she didn't care about it anymore. She headed to the kitchen, thinking about staying alone for a while, but Xiaoxi stopped her. "Xiao Xia, where have you been?" Xiaoxia replied truthfully: "I went to the train station." Papa, "I, my fellow villagers are leaving today." Xiaoxi's eyes were sharp: "That means you don't have to go out on dates every afternoon in the future?" Xiao Xia was startled.Xiao Xi, who had been watching her all the time, of course noticed her surprise: "Xiao Xia, why don't you tell us the truth!" Xiao Xia couldn't speak, her face turned red from holding back.It was very quiet in the room.After a while, Xiao Xia suddenly walked to the coffee table, picked up the phone, and dialed.Everyone didn't understand what she was going to do.The call went through and someone picked it up.Xiaoxia said to the phone: "Brother Jianguo? You come to the house right away! The professor's house! There is something to do!" She held back her tears with a tough attitude. He Jianguo is here.He told the ins and outs of the matter in detail.After speaking, I asked everyone, mainly whether Xiaoxi understood.Xiaoxi doesn't understand, and if she doesn't understand, there's nothing to hide from others so Xiaoxia won't tell. He Jianguo said: "If I hadn't pushed you to this point today, I would never have told you!" "why?" "I'm afraid you'll misunderstand. I don't want you to think that I'm repaying you, and I have illusions." After saying that, he turned his head and left.The house fell silent, and no one looked at anyone. He Jianguo returned home and told his brother about going to the Gu family.He Jiancheng thought for a while and said that he felt that Xiaoxi still cared about Jianguo through this matter.He knew Jianguo's feelings for Xiaoxi.Even if the fact that Xiaoxi was not with her mother when her mother left broke her heart, she divorced her younger brother in a fit of anger, but now it has been almost a year, and it turns out that the two still have each other in their hearts, why can't they Talk about it?Only then did He Jianguo tell his brother his biggest concern: he was worried that Xiaoxi would not be able to have a child and that his parents would not accept her.If parents can't accept her, won't he hurt her even more if he provokes her now?He Jiancheng never thought of it, and was stunned. At night, when everyone was getting ready to rest, Xiaohang's cell phone rang, and it was Jian Jia's.Jian Jia went back to her father's house during the Spring Festival, and when she came back tomorrow, she asked Xiao Hang if he could pick her up at the airport.This is the first time Jian Jia has contacted Xiaohang since Xiaohang said those words to Jian Jia at home.Xiaohang agreed on the spot: No problem. Xiaoxi's father asked his son, "Why didn't she ask Liu Kairui to pick her up?" Xiaohang didn't answer, and went to the bathroom to wash up in a good mood, the matter was obvious. Xiaoxi asked her father: "Dad, if Jian Jia rejects Liu Kairui's marriage proposal—" "I can rest assured that." "What's the meaning?" "It proves that Jian Jia really loves Xiaohang." "You mean, in that case, you'll agree with them both?" Dad nodded.Xiaoxi was envious and disappointed at once: "How nice they are!" Xiaoxi's father took the opportunity to persuade his daughter to hurry up and stop picking.Xiaoxi said sadly: "Choose? How can I be qualified to choose? A divorced woman in her thirties is a disposal product!" "Xiaoxi, I suggest you take the initiative to talk to Jianguo!" Xiaoxi shook his head violently.Xiaoxi's father was angry.Xiaoxi said: "Dad, there is an inextricable knot between us. I can't have children. And their family can't tolerate that I can't have children." Xiaoxi's father frowned, and said slowly after a long while: "Jianguo is fine with everything, but why does he become unreasonable when it comes to his family?" "Totally sick!" Xiaoxi's father still frowned like that: "I always feel that Jianguo has something to hide....Xiaoxi, talk to him!" Xiaoxi went to He Jianguo's company to find He Jianguo, but she didn't call him in advance to say that she was coming, she didn't want to make this call, and she didn't want to make it so formal.This is Xiaoxi's first visit to He Jianguo's director's office.The office is not particularly large, and the office furniture is not particularly luxurious, but somehow there is a message that this place is an important place - of course, this may be Xiaoxi's psychological effect.He Jianguo was busy pouring water and making tea for Xiaoxi himself, and asked Xiaoxi to sit on the swivel chair behind his desk, while he mopped another chair and sat opposite her.The room fell silent.I didn't talk for a while.They were all in a hurry to speak, and the more anxious they were, the less they could find anything to say.He Jianguo had no choice but to say "Xiaoxi, drink tea" again.Xiaoxi lifted the cup to his mouth and took a long sip. He Jianguo reminded: "Be careful! It's hot!" But it was too late, Xiaoxi was already scalded, and the water spilled on the table.The two competed to wipe the napkins, touched hands, then shrank back and sat down.After a moment of silence, he said at the same time: "Xiaoxi!" Not only did Director He not arrange anything in the morning, nor in the afternoon, nor in the evening.In the evening, he invited her to dinner.During this day, he was mainly reviewing the other party, reviewing all the faults that belonged to him.Tossing and turning, the sincerity of the feelings made Xiaoxi more and more puzzled. "You know it's a mistake, why do you still make it again and again?" "I always feel that they are living in poverty in the countryside, and I am living alone in Beijing—" "Jianguo, it's not your fault that they were poor in the countryside. You can have what you are today in Beijing. Of course, your family paid for your tuition and provided for you, but that's their responsibility. You passed the college entrance examination and lived a good life. Yes. What you deserve is what you earned through your own hard work, and you don't owe anyone. Why do you always feel that you are sorry for your family and your brother? Indeed, your brother was admitted to university at the same time as you. It is a bit higher than yours, but who made your family poor? Can’t afford two college students? What to do, can only be decided by fate. I personally think that drawing lots is a fair way, you caught it , Your brother was not caught, this is fate. You are not in the favor of anyone, your brother is not wronged. People's luck is different, some people have luck, some people have no luck, who owes whom?" They were sitting face to face at a table for two by the window of a mid-range restaurant.He Jianguo didn't say anything for a long time after hearing Xiaoxi's words. He had a fierce ideological struggle. He couldn't make up his mind whether to tell the things that had been hidden in his heart for more than ten years and no one in this world knew about them except him.Xiaoxi looked at him silently, never urging him anymore, instinctively felt that something was on his mind.He Jianguo avoided this gaze and turned his face out of the window.Outside the window is a green lawn, and the strong light on the lawn strengthens the greenness of the lawn, making it look like the wheat field in their hometown. In an instant, the scene of the knife and ax is reappeared in the mind: the rural kang, He Jiancheng and He Jianguo Sitting opposite each other, dad sits in the middle.Dad smoked a pipe and said, "Both of you go to college for four years, and you will get a hundred thousand dollars less. Even if your mother and I sell houses, land, bones and meat, we can't get together the hundred thousand dollars. You two, I can only offer one!" He Jianguo and He Jiancheng raised their heads at the same time, their eyes met unexpectedly, and then quickly moved away.No one looked at anyone anymore, and dared not look at them.It's too cruel, He Jianguo thought desperately.Presumably at this time, my brother thought the same way.At this time, I heard my father say again: "They are all my sons. I can't say who is allowed to go and who is not." At this point, Dad stopped talking.The room fell silent, as if the earth had stopped spinning.Later, Dad said, "Let's draw lots!" He Jianguo glanced at his elder brother, who was also looking at him, and the two nodded at each other.Then, almost by instinct—the instinct of survival—he shouted that he was going to cast lots, and jumped off the kang to find paper and a pen.Father instructed behind him: "Write 'Not Up' on one, and 'Up' on the other!" He Jianguo tore a piece of paper in half, first wrote "Not Up" on one half of the paper, and then took the other half of the paper, hesitating for less than a second, and decisively wrote "Not Up", The next movement was quick and smooth, he rolled the two pieces of paper into a ball, handed it to the father in the middle of the kang, and stepped onto the kang at the same time.Father put the two lots in his hand on the kang between the two sons. "Catch it." None of them moved.Father reminded: "Catch!" He Jianguo said, "Brother is brother, brother catches first." Father nodded in agreement, "Jiancheng, catch!" Definitely for life——Finally, I closed my eyes, grabbed one, looked at it, and handed it to my father.Father Jianguo unfolded the paper and took a look, but didn't speak for a long time.At this time, He Jianguo quickly grabbed the remaining lot and held it tightly in his palm.At the same time, Dad said: "Jiancheng, let your brother go!" He Jiancheng and He Jianguo's eye circles were red at the same time, and Jianguo's father's eye circles were also red... Tears rolled down He Jianguo's face.Xiaoxi looked at him, extremely surprised. "None of them wanted to see my lottery, no one thought that I would do this, they all felt that this one was 'not in', and that one must be 'in'—they trusted me! ... This trust is like It's a big mountain, pressing on my heart... I will never forget my brother's appearance at that time. For a long time after entering university, in my dreams, it was my brother's appearance: without making a sound, he grabbed a hoe and went to the ground! ...Xiaoxi, you should understand now? Why do I say everything to my family, especially my brother? In your words, it is obedience and protection without principle. That is because I stole my brother's life! " Xiaoxi completely understood He Jianguo.她不知该说什么，又不能不说，于是安慰他：“也不能这么说，就是你不作弊，你也有百分之五十的可能……”话说得苍白无力。 何建国猛烈摇头，一把拉过小西的手紧紧捂在了自己的脸上痛哭失声：“小西，小西，小西！” 这天晚上，他们一直坐到饭店打烊。 何建国开车送小西回家。快一点了，北京的深夜，公路一马平川。 “小西，你能理解我了吗？”小西点头。“能原谅我吗？”小西又点头。“那咱俩的事，你啥意见？” 小西凄然一笑：“我的意见管用吗？……建国，我现在是真的、打心眼儿里理解了你，还有你们家。所以，我们现在只能听从他们的决定！” 何建国急急道：“小西，我们还年轻，我们治！我上网查了，习惯性流产不是说不可以治……” “要就是治不好呢？” “我哥说，你不能生孩子的事，他跟我爹我娘说。”小西蓦然一怔。何建国道：“我哥坚决站在我们这边。来北京后他长了不少见识。他跟家里说比我说要有力度。” “你哥真好。”小西停了停，而后慢慢道，“还有，我的意见，抓阄那事就不要跟你哥说了。我们不能为了自己忏悔后的轻松，就把痛苦推到你哥的身上，徒然打乱他已经平静下来的生活……” “谢谢你的理解小西。”何建国道，“请也不要对你们家说，好吗？” “但你得用实际行动弥补！”小西道，“首先，帮助你哥充电、提高，参加成人高考！他底子好，这不应该成为问题。其次，让你哥哥的两个孩子到北京来上学，你负责全部学费，小学，中学，大学！需要帮助的时候，可以找我。” 何建国痛苦而感动，感动是因为小西，痛苦还是因为小西。这么好的女人，他却无法就他们的未来做出任何承诺，他只能听家里的。小西当然感觉到了何建国内心的矛盾，不禁潸然泪下…… 晚上何建国回到家后，哥一直在等他，关心他和小西谈得怎么样。何建国却问他和爹谈得怎么样。何建成说他在电话里把事儿和他的意见建国的意见都说了，爹没说话。而后长叹说，自己要是生的是儿子就好了，结果，俩闺女！何建国说男女都一样。何建成说那是在城里。这时何建国说了小西的话：“哥，小西说，让你的两个女儿都上北京来上学，小学中学大学，让我出学费，说要是有困难，可以找她。”何建成意外而感动。何建国继续说，“哥，你再给爹打电话，跟他说，小西是有很多显而易见的缺点——包括所谓的不能生孩子——但同时，她更有很多难能可贵的优点！……爹要是不同意我和她的话，我这辈子就——”停了停，“就单身！” 又是一年情人节。天阴，飘着零星雪花，但一点儿都不影响情人节气氛。商家广告铺天盖地，处处可见卖花的小姑娘捧着玫瑰和手捧玫瑰而行的情侣。 快递人员手执六枝“蓝色妖姬”进了出版社，在楼道里寻寻觅觅。终于看到了“六编室”，他进去：“请问哪位是顾小西？” 简佳和小西同时吃了一惊，为了那束昂贵的蓝色妖姬。签收时得知是何建国送来的后，简佳笑了，说情人还是比老婆的待遇高啊，从前何建国什么时候舍得花这钱？小西却一点儿也不笑，说花这钱干吗？还不如攒着给他侄女当学费。简佳说她变了，小西却不想就此多说什么，转移话题问简佳和小航打算什么时候结婚。简佳说打算着小西和何建国有了确实消息后再说。小西说那你们就别结婚了。简佳说不至于那么悲观吧？小西笑笑没有说话。 下班后，小西捧着蓝色妖姬回家，一路上，小心而珍惜，她很想拿回家炫耀一下。没想到小夏和爸爸对她手里这束昂贵的花置若罔闻，小夏更甚，很朴实地说了一句：“花还是红颜色的好看一点儿是吧？”让小西扫兴，早知家中二位是这个态度，她何必费劲儿拿回来？放办公室供人瞻仰得了。幸而小航回来，一回来就惊叫：“蓝色妖姬！”总算还有一个识货的。小西去找瓶子插花的工夫，小航悄悄对爸爸说，何建国能送这花给姐姐，意思很明确了。接着发愁，要是他们都结婚都出去了，爸爸怎么办。爸爸说他有小夏，同时伤感，这可真是，“昔日戏言身后事，今朝都到眼前来”。妻子生前常说这辈子没有照顾好他，没有尽到一个做妻子的责任，今天就让她亲手调教出来的小夏做了她没有能来得及做的事。小航却总觉这不是个长久之计，不管怎么说，小夏是保姆，还年轻，人家还要有人家的生活，到那时候，爸怎么办？ 是夜，小西爸睡不着了，人生苦短如白驹过隙，小西现在还年轻还很难体会到这点，等她体会到了，就晚了。三十多岁了，四十五十也就是一眨眼工夫，等到四五十岁再嫁，嫁谁去？过去，这些事有小西妈操心他压力还没这么大，现在妻子没了，所有的担子都落到了他的肩上。越想越睡不着，起来吃安眠药，惊动了小夏。小夏过来侍候他吃了药，陪他说了会儿话。小西爸问小夏：“小夏，你们农村在男孩儿女孩儿这个问题上，观念就不对！女孩儿怎么就不能传承香火了？” “对咋着不对又咋着？在农村，家里没有男人撑着门面你就得受气！分地都不给妇女分！还有好多活儿，妇女就是干不了！……” “是啊，说起来也不能只怪农民落后重男轻女，看来是有实际问题。” 他们的谈话声惊动了小航，小航一向睡得晚起得晚，夜猫子型，这会儿正在房间网上查资料。听到说话声开门看，看到了斜对面父亲房间里，坐在父亲床边和父亲说话的小夏，朦胧灯光下，两个人谈得很融洽，看上去很温馨……小航心里忽然一动。次日晨，小航一反常态早早起了床，为的是在姐姐上班走前跟姐姐说他夜里想到的事情，爸爸的终身大事。 小西听了和小航一致认为这事对爸爸和小夏是好事，互相帮助互通有无，应该没什么问题，小航觉着问题还是有的——观念问题。一个教授，一个保姆，一个六十多，一个三十多，就算他们心里头都同意，会不会因为在意世俗的、外人的看法而放弃？小西说她跟爸谈，让何建国跟小夏谈。小夏是他找来的，他得算是小夏的娘家人。何建国知道了这事后非常感动，对小西说：“小西，你爸有你这样的女儿，是福气。”小西回敬他说：“彼此彼此。你爸有你这样的儿子，也同样。”谈话一下子触碰到敏感区域，都不响了。 事情进展出乎意料的顺利。小西爸对小夏感觉一直很好，并且，经过了秦教授那次，决意倘若再婚，首先要实事求是，为自己结婚而不是为面子、为别人结婚，他不是年轻人了，可以赌一把，不成再离，反正还有翻本的机会。他来日无多，他现在只求安定和睦温暖衣食无忧，而这些，小夏都可以做到。小夏的顾虑却不单单是观念上的，她有实际问题：闺女怎么办？总让建国嫂子带，不是个长法。小西爸说，闺女接过来，在北京上学。小夏当时泪水夺眶而出，在北京上学，这是闺女的梦啊，如今梦想成真！ 建国爹来了，大儿子何建成被评为北京市优秀进城务工人员，要开表彰大会，让何建成代表发言，哥儿俩打电话让爹务必来看一看。何建成的发言稿是自己写的，写完后叫建国帮着看看，何建国便拿给小西看，毕竟小西是学中文的。小西看后大为惊讶，那文章文笔流畅，思想深刻，像“宝剑锋从磨砺出，梅花香自苦寒来”这样的诗句，引用得准确自如随处可见，令小西感慨万端，过去是不了解，了解了，真替他们这些人可惜。有才华，有志向，就因为没有钱，整个人生就给改变了，同时越发理解了何建国对他哥的感情，越理解越为自己与何建国的关系前景感到悲观。爸爸和小夏、小航和简佳至今没有结婚，都说不急。她心里明白，他们是怕她受刺激。 何建国打电话来说建国爹想来顾家看看，他爹给顾家“带了点儿自家种的粮食”。小西爸不想让他爹来，且不说两家已然没什么关系了，单说他来了，小西肯定会触景生情会难过，却又没理由拒绝，只能同意。 说好晚上来，不来吃饭，只来看看。这天顾家早早吃了晚饭，收拾了，洗好水果泡上茶，等客人到来。小西爸注意到小西晚饭吃得很少，心神不宁，一会儿说他们来她躲出去算了，一会儿又说算了，见一面也没什么。显然心情矛盾，怕着并期待着。弄得小西爸也跟着紧张起来：建国爹专程来，恐怕不是为那“自家种的粮食”，他来很可能有事，什么事呢？对小西表示点儿歉意？毕竟，小西的习惯性流产与何家有直接关系。 约好的时间到了，门铃响了，小西的身体由于紧张，一下子绷直——她最终没有躲出去，决定留下来——小西爸见女儿这样，非常难过。 小夏去开了门。建国爹和两个儿子都来了，何建国最后进来，手里提着个大提包。小西起身迎接，但对所有来者都没有称呼，只是客气而拘谨地道“你好”“你好”，客气到同每个人都握了握手。落座后，建国爹让建国把提包打开，拿出一样样小杂粮放茶几上，最后，拿出了一个纸包，同时，从怀里摸出张纸，说是为治小西的病给寻下的一个药方子，“专治妇女流产。药方里其他几味药城里头都有，估摸着有两味不好弄，俺就给带了来！”说着打开那个纸包，用手扒拉着里面的东西给小西看：“六个青蛙眼，一对羊睾丸。” 小西接过建国爹的方子和那纸包东西，看。大家都看她。片刻后，小西头也不抬道：“要是，我这病就是治不好了呢？” 建国爹说：“你们要实在想要孩子，就让建成把他闺女过继给你们一个！” 小西一愣，抬起头来：“你们不要孙子了？” “那个，”建国爹咳了一声，“那个男女要是都一样了，孙子孙女的，有啥不一样？” 小西怔怔地看建国爹，半天，“谢谢，”停一下道，“——爸。” 建国爹又咳一声，转对小西爸：“建国建成都跟我说，他们娘也说，说小西是有不少——”想不起来，看儿子们，“那话你们是咋说的来？” 何建成说：“——是有不少显而易见的缺点，但更有很多难能可贵的优点。” 小西扭脸看何建国：“这话是你说的？”何建国点头。小西叫起来：“我有什么缺点？……还'不少'？还'显而易见'？” The whole family laughed.何建国和小西也笑了，笑着，泪流下来了…… 一年以后，小西生下了她和何建国的女儿。女儿生下来时是单眼皮，满月后，变成了双眼皮，一双瞳仁儿又黑又亮，眼白却是蓝色的，蓝得如同晴日的天空，没有一丝杂质。