Chapter 15 Chapter fifteen

There is something wrong today, the shadows in front of my eyes make me feel dizzy, probably because I have been lying down for too long. I have never been so obediently lying in bed in my life.God knows how to correct people. He knows I hate lazy beds and punishes me to lie in bed all day.Normally, as soon as one of my eyes opens, my other body will bounce off the bed like a conditioned reflex, and I won't even delay for a minute.In the words of Yu Enhua, I feel like I have a grudge against the bed in my life, and ordinary illnesses can never push me down on the bed.This time it's really out of the question, the big old man just lay there staring and let others play with him.

Just as he was worrying about it, he felt his eyes light up, and Dong Jin hurried over from the hospital gate.Why did this kid come here without even saying hello? Do you think people come to the hospital to see you, an old guy?Youwazi said. He doesn't see what I'm doing in the hospital? Don't people start other things? Well, my own son I don't know yet?This kid is like me, he turns his head away when he sees the hospital, and walks around when he is sick, and he refuses to enter this door unless he sees me.You son of a bitch, the political commissar is not at home, he, the regiment leader, dares to leave the army and leave, come up later to see how I deal with him!

Youwazi said thoughtfully, I'm afraid you won't be able to take care of him today, they didn't come to see you, they went to the surgery to see that frostbitten kid in their group. I said, then he can't get around the threshold of Lao Tzu! Before the words fell to the ground, I watched Dong Jin go around the flower bed in front of the door and head for the surgical building. Youwazi giggled beside him. I froze for a while before saying, You Wazi, what are you laughing at?It's a rule I set up to do business first and then private affairs. After watching that brat, shouldn't he have to come and see his father?

What if he doesn't come?Youwazi asked maliciously. impossible!I answered without hesitation. I think it is possible.You Wazi said leisurely, if you don’t believe me, just watch, after he finishes watching that kid, he will have to go around your door and go straight away. he dare?I said, I really don't believe it! Do not believe? Do not believe! If you don't believe me, just wait and see! Just wait! Hey, just wait, how about a plate? One dish at a time.After a game of chess, the son will come. There was a crackling sound, and Youwazi and I set up our chess pieces and started the game.

I said You Wazi, take two steps first, don't say I won't let you. Youwazi said, are you not afraid of losing to me? I said disapprovingly, what a joke, how can I still lose to you, a stinky chess player? Youwazi gave me a meaningful look and said, don't say it so deadly, the way of heaven will change, and the way of chess will naturally become uncertain.I'd better go ahead. After just a few moves, I realized that Youwazi played a bit of chess.I said You Wazi, Huang Xingzhong, that old guy has been training you a lot these days, right? Youwazi said, Zhou Han, you have played chess all your life, why don't you understand that the way of chess is not trained, but cultivated.

I said, you boy, don't play with me here, I will kill you as a soldier first, eat! ... You boy, it's time for you to go. ... Hey, you better go! You Wazi looked out the window with long eyes, and called out softly, "Hey, look, Dong is coming in and coming out." I said disdainfully, what to look at, he will come up in a while. Why, he's got a foothold in the flower-bed.vault. What are you doing? Smoking miles. That is, smoking is not allowed in the ward, he will definitely come up after smoking this cigarette.Get out! I saw something wrong with Dongjin's face, and Youwazi looked worried.

I sighed and said, whoever saw that kid would not be in a good mood, he was alive and kicking, his feet froze off.I understand Dongjin, my soldiers are all like my own children, how can I not feel distressed?It's not like you haven't tasted this kind of taste, let's go! Gong Zu.How many cigarettes has Dongjin smoked? have eaten!How do you send it to my gunhole?I said don't worry about that idleness, okay?If you don't concentrate on playing chess, I'll take over your nest. Tossing cigarette butts all over the floor in such a short while, Dong Jin is not smoking, he is simply eating cigarettes!

Dong Jin sat on a stone bench by the flower bed with his head down and smoked. He inhaled half of a cigarette in one puff, and reached the butt after only two or three puffs. Then he took another cigarette out of his pocket without even looking, and directly Light it on the fire and then smoke it.This kid is really not quite right, he has always been farting and squatting, and he shows a nonchalant attitude when encountering anything, I have never seen such a virtue in him. I couldn't help shouting, Dongjin!What are you doing there, come up soon? You Wazi squinted his eyes and said, "It's useless to scream, you are not on your mind."It's your turn.

I looked down, and couldn't help breaking out in a cold sweat. This game of chess somehow made me play a dangerous game.Go this way, there is a car watching by the side; go that way, there is still a horse guarding there; it is dangerous to go in, and you can't go back if you go back.Just now I thought I was sure of winning, why did the situation take a turn for the worse now? I said, You Wazi, you didn't play tricks just now, did you? Youwazi leisurely said, there is no difference between winning and losing, so what if you lose, so what if you win, why bother? I froze for a moment, I really didn't know what to do next.

Just thinking about it, Youwazi said from the side: Don't worry, think carefully before leaving, you two are playing a game of chess. I said Youwazi, you understand clearly, Dongjin didn't play chess, so what does it have to do with him if I play my chess? Life is like chess.Youwazi said, Dongjin's chess game is just like your game of chess, which is played at the critical point. Every move is reasonable, and every step is dangerous. Youwazi, do you think I'm still slow in this game of chess? That depends on what you think. Of course I want to win. Why win? There is no need to ask, checkmate old man.

wrong!Winning can be divided into skill, wind, power, and nature. Someone wins with chess skills, someone wins with chess style, someone wins with chess power, and someone wins with chess character.So, you can win any game, it depends on what you want to win. What is the best way to win? There is no competition to win. According to what you said, no matter how you play, you will win, and you have not lost or won. There is no difference between winning and losing. Forget it, forget it, stop talking about these nagging words, and play chess. you lose.Youwazi said suddenly. To put it bluntly, the game is not over yet. Why do you say I lost? ! I mean you lost your bet.You see, Dongjin has already left. Dongjin really left.He really walked around the flower bed as Youwazi said, without even looking at me, he went straight to the hospital gate and left. I stared blankly at his back, suddenly felt empty in my heart, and even forgot to swear. You know, you actually like Dongjin the most.Youwazi said behind him. Shit, this kid is the one I hate the most, if I like him, I will scold him whenever I meet him? The more you like to scold, the more fierce you will be. If you really don't like it, you should just ignore it like you treat peace. You are wrong, You Wazi, my favorite is Nan Zheng. That is your illusion.You think that Nan Zheng came from you and perfected you, and you think that because Nan Zheng has something that you lack, you should like him.Actually you are wrong.Everyone likes themselves more and people who are like themselves, no matter how many flaws or faults they have.It's just that you either didn't find it yourself, or you didn't want to admit it even if you found it.These children are the most like you in the Middle East, and you know that in your heart, but similar people are more difficult to get along with, because you can always find your own flaws in each other, and your common flaws make you unable to complement each other.So you can only admire each other in your heart, but as long as you get together, you will conflict and compete. In the end, it's not because you don't love each other, but because you can't tolerate your own flaws, and you both want to change yourself. Change each other. You boy, I am confused by what you say.Come on, don't get too deep with me, let's continue playing chess, shall we?Damn, why is this move so difficult? Dongjin's chess move is more difficult than yours. I said You Wazi, are you finished yet? Zhou Han, you have to find a way to help Dong Jin. Don't mention that kid to me! eastward... Stop playing! In fact, I was quite upset, why did this kid leave without even looking at me? Youwazi said that Dongjin is my favorite, and this is the first time I have heard of it.Dongjin is my favorite?Why don't I know it myself?But Youwazi was right in one thing at least. Among the children, Dongjin resembles me the most.This is probably why I am always worried about Dong Jin, and I always want to fix him whenever I meet him. Human beings are all repaired.Li Yefu blamed me all the time, saying that you, Zhou Han, just owed repairs, and you would go to the house without repairs for a few days, and you would run off to the cliff after letting go.I think that my feeling of repairing Dongjin is about the same as that of Li Yefu repairing me. There is a question that I have never thought through clearly, that is, what should I think of Li Yefu.Li Yefu is my old chief. It is said that I have dealt with him for a long time, but I have never been clear about him.Not entirely because of Youwazi's incident. Although I blamed him for Youwazi, I knew in my heart that it was a last resort for him to do that, and I knew that such a result was not his original intention.How about Li Yefu, anyway, it's hard for you to draw an outline of him.It's strange to think about it, even Huang Xingzhong is such a monkey-eyed guy, I can figure him out very well, but when he is on Li Yefu, my eyes are blurred, and I can't even hit the target. ? Ever since Youwazi died, Li Yefu and I have had a bit of a relationship.We never talked about petty things between us, but as soon as we met, we felt uncomfortable, neither did he, nor did I, so we had to avoid each other as much as possible.Fortunately, the troops are often adjusted during the war, and he and I are not in the same rank, so we can always dodge if we want to.After liberation, Li Yefu once served as the direct leader of Huang Zhenzhong and me, and he talked to me about going to Nanjing Military Academy.At that time, the war was going on in North Korea, and I wanted to go to the front to fight, but the thought of sitting in the room all day writing and reading small books made me feel uncomfortable.I begged Li Yefu, political commissar Li, can you let me go, don't let me go to that kind of place and suffer that foreign crime?Li Yefu said, Zhou Han, you can't always hold a gun and shout "follow me!"In the past, we couldn’t talk about it without the conditions, but now we have to study if we have the conditions, and learn the real skills of fighting in a serious way!I said, hey, the land is planted, and the war is fought. I don’t believe that you can fight wars just by sitting there reading a small book?No, I can't learn that stuff, you better let Huang Xingzhong go, he likes to read small books.Li Yefu bluffed and said, Zhou Han, I thought you were a man, but I didn't expect you to be a coward!I said why do you call me a coward?Li Yefu said, you seem to be brave and tenacious on the surface, as if you are not afraid of anything, but in fact, you are very afraid of difficulties in your heart, and shrink back when you see difficulties.I said, Political Commissar Li, don't talk nonsense. When was I afraid of difficulties?Lao Tzu has always gnawed on the hardest place to eat!Li Yefu said, why did you dare not go if you were asked to study?Afraid that chewing on a small book will break your teeth?I said why dare not?I'll just go!See if I don't gnaw those little books to pieces!After I finished speaking, I realized that I had been fooled, but the real man said that it was hard to follow, so I had no choice but to let it go.At that time, I thought, Li Yefu is a good political commissar, and he just let you get into his trap.Then I thought, so about the Youwazi matter, would Li Yefu also have made up his mind to let me play tricks from the beginning?Thinking of this, a cold sweat broke out suddenly. Li Yefu only mentioned Youwazi once in front of me, and it was when the military ranks were evaluated in 1955.Ordinarily, I could be rated as a lieutenant general at that time, and I still think so now, my qualifications and achievements are enough.But I don’t know why he rated me as a major general, of course I was not convinced.If you say that I am not a small person, my temper is reckless, too reckless.That day, I was about to go out for a walk with my military dog, when the guards came in with the dress and epaulets they had just collared, and excitedly let me try on the clothes.I got angry when I saw the big star on the epaulettes, so I put a pair of major general epaulettes on the dog's neck and said, "This dog is worthy of being a major general!" After speaking, I took the dog out for a long walk. .This made a big fuss, and I started to be criticized the next day. The leaders took turns to talk to me, and even the headquarters was alarmed.At that time, I also felt that I was doing too much, but everyone talked to me in the same way, why should I promote my style, guard against arrogance and impetuosity, and take care of influence... I don’t talk anymore, but There is still a dissatisfaction in my heart.Later Li Yefu talked to me.Li Yefu said, Zhou Han, I know you feel wronged.Your criteria for being a lieutenant general are good enough, but being a major general is a bit of a disadvantage.I said, yes, Commissar Li, you still have a policy for your speech.Li Yefu said, but Zhou Han is not the worst in terms of loss.Who am I talking about?If you name someone who is worse than me, I won't mention this matter again.Li Yefu said, fellow villagers who came out to join the Red Army together.Didn't I say it was my cousin from the same family?He was rated as a lieutenant general!Li Yefu said that I was not talking about him.I said who else?A dozen of us came out together and only two of us survived.Li Yefu lowered his voice, saying that I was talking about those comrades who died.As soon as I heard this, I immediately drooped my head.I'm easy to get into corners, once I get in, I can't get out, and the more I can't get out, the more I get in. If I don't beat me hard, I can't turn my head.Li Yefu's hammer was so hard that I couldn't speak for a long time.For a while, I wanted to put my head in my crotch.I wonder why Zhou Han is so muddled?When I first participated in the revolution, I kept my head on my trouser belt all day and never thought that I would survive tomorrow, let alone ask the party for this or that.It's good now, I'm not satisfied after being alive, and I have learned to reach out to the party. Am I worthy of those sacrificed comrades?I'm too fucking a thing!While regretting in my heart, Li Yefu said the words that shocked me.Li Yefu said, Zhou Han, there is a person... I'm afraid you and I don't want to mention it.Li Yefu suddenly turned his back and restrained his emotions and said, Zhou Han, no matter how wronged you are, can you still wronged Youwazi?I was stunned for a moment, I didn't expect Li Yefu to take the initiative to mention Youwazi, let alone Li Yefu would be so emotional when he mentioned Youwazi.This is the first and last mention of Youwazi between Li Yefu and me since Youwazi died.I just felt that the blood all over my body rushed to the top of my head, and my two temples were swollen to throb.I stood up suddenly and said, I ask the organization to punish me!I demand a review at the General Cadre Meeting!I heard my throat split, with an ugly cry. I don't know what to say about Li Yefu. Sometimes you feel that he is very close to you, and you think he is a person who understands his subordinates very well and is quite human.But if you take a closer look, you will find that these seem to be just a means of his work, and you will wonder whether he has really been close to you, and whether he has really expressed his feelings.But just when you have doubts about him, maybe he will move you somewhere, make you doubt yourself, make you believe in him, and make you willingly follow what he said.Anyway, you can always be persuaded by him, and you can always fall into his tricks willingly. What impressed me the most was the time when I criticized Huang Kecheng, the old man.After the Lushan Conference, an enlarged meeting of the Military Commission was held to criticize Peng Dehuai and Huang Kecheng.Not to mention Boss Peng, Huang Kecheng is our old chief.I once said that the person I admire the most is Old Man Huang.Old man Huang is so nice, he really cares about his subordinates, he is as careful as an old mother, even if he asks for food or drink, he never lets his subordinates bow down.The troops were fighting in the front, and when they thought of an old man in the back, they would not have to worry about being overwhelmed, and they knew that they would be guaranteed what they needed at a critical moment.In such a big battle as the Liaoshen Campaign, old man Huang was able to provide sufficient logistics, so there was no victory in that battle.Good person, how can you say that if you are against the party, you are against the party?In the first two days, many people expressed sympathy for Peng Huang at the meeting, and I was ready to speak at the meeting the next day.At night, I had nothing to say, so I ran to find Li Yefu.I knew that the relationship between Li Yefu and Huang Kecheng had always been very good, and I thought it would be fine to complain in front of him, otherwise my stomach would explode.As soon as I sat down on my ass, I started firing cannons. If I said a few words of truth, I was anti-Party. Who would dare to tell the truth again?Why don't I believe there is any "military club"?I see, if there were not anti-Party hats waiting at the door, and now they say that they can sign up for the military club, and there will definitely be people who ask to sign up, so I will sign up! ... Just as he was talking, Li Yefu suddenly slapped the table.I looked up and saw that his face was livid, and he stared his eyes like cow eggs, and said, "Wow, Zhou Han, how dare you oppose the party!"My head buzzed, and I thought it was a bad situation. I just thought that Li Yefu and Old Man Huang had a good relationship, so why didn't I think that under such circumstances, I should check Li Yefu's attitude before speaking?I hurried back and said, Political Commissar Li, didn't I discuss my thoughts with you in private?Li Yefu said coldly, I advise you not to engage in such private activities.Do you think that I would sympathize with Huang Kecheng and forgive him for his anti-Party behavior because I had contact with Huang Kecheng at work in the past?Let me tell you, I, Li Yefu, have never been confused when it comes to major issues of right and wrong, and have always stood firmly on the party's stand!Then he threw me a document and said, this is my speech, I am going to speak at the meeting tomorrow, please take a good look.Looking at Li Yefu's speech, I felt like I was getting scalped. According to Li Yefu, Huang Kecheng has not stopped opposing the party since the early days of his fight against the Red Army.I said in my heart, fuck you, Li Yefu, I think when Huang Kecheng got you into the mountains and hid you in the AB regiment, you saved yourself from death.Because of this, Huang Kecheng almost lost his head.Now you not only don't say a word for the old man Huang, but you also take your revenge to the bottom of the well!A wave of anger rushed to my head, and just as I was about to fight him, Li Yefu pointed at me and shouted, Zhou Han!You don't have to scold me in your heart.I was taken aback, how did he know that I was scolding him in my heart?Next, Li Yefu sternly said again, "I'm wondering, Huang Xingzhong has been away from you for so many years, why can't you bend your pig's intestines from your mouth to your asshole?"I suddenly thought of Huang Xingzhong, Huang Xingzhong was one of the first to stand up and make a critical speech. These days he has been urging me to express my opinion, and from time to time he beat me with words.I know, if I said these words today in front of Huang Xingzhong, I would have confessed thoroughly.Li Yefu said again, this is a line struggle, do you understand?Line fight!I suddenly remembered that dim evening many years ago, the old tree at the entrance of the village, and Zhang Guotao who was sitting under the old tree eating a big radish... I heard Li Yefu say, go back first, what happened today stop here.But I want to remind you that if you continue to talk nonsense, I will report to the organization that you have the problem of non-organizational activities!I don't even know how I got out of Li Yefu.But since then, I have never dared to speak indiscriminately as if I had been bitten.Later, the smell of gunpowder at the meeting became more and more intense, and those who had said sympathetic words at the beginning also began to withdraw, but for some reason, Li Yefu never showed his speech.One night, Huang Zhenzhong went to Li Yefu's place, and when he came back, he told me excitedly that Political Commissar Li had a very important speech in his hand, and he was going to speak tomorrow.I thought Li Yefu was really going to speak this time, but Li Yefu hadn't shown up at the meeting since the next day. I heard that he fell ill suddenly and was admitted to the hospital.It is said that according to the situation reported by Huang Xingzhong, the organization sent someone to Li Yefu to ask for the speech, but Li Yefu said that he only had an outline of the speech and did not form a formal material.He also said that it was a pity that he didn't have time to speak at the meeting, and that after he recovered from his illness, he would definitely sort out his thoughts and hand them over to the organization.But since then there has been no more text. Head a little tight.It's an old problem. When I think about things for a long time, my head becomes tense, and then it starts to hurt, and then my blood pressure should go up.Usually when this happens, I quickly take the medicine that Chuanchuan prepared for me. Normally, I will be fine after taking the medicine for a while.What can I do now? The nurse on duty was staring out the window in a daze. The girl must have something on her mind, and she has been there for a long time, and Chuan Chuan didn't do a single thing that Chuan Chuan asked her to do before leaving.I called her, girl, see if there is something wrong with my "vital signs", why do I feel something is wrong?Even after shouting twice, the girl didn't look back, and I just remembered that my efforts were wasted?Just stare at the "vital signs" by yourself.After watching it for a long time, I saw those green numbers on the screen constantly jumping and changing, and I couldn't see a pattern, but my head hurt more and more... There was a "buzz" sound in my head, and the trident seemed to explode in my brain, my brain was blown into a mess, and my eyes were blank.I looked at Li Yefu with protruding eyes, and asked in disbelief, is this true, Commissar Li?This is a rumor made by class enemies, right? Li Yefu lowered his head and pushed a central government document with big red letters in front of me. I saw the familiar name at a glance.After grabbing the document and reading it in one go, I fell down and sat there speechless. The office was terribly quiet, you could hear your heart beating in your cavity, and you could hear the breath coming in and out of your throat.After a long time, my mood calmed down a bit.I calmed down and said to Li Yefu, it seems that this is another serious line struggle. I guess the troops will be tight for a while from now on. I will go back and make arrangements. The spirit is carried out smoothly. Li Yefu raised his head and looked at me, his appearance startled me, I saw a dazed look in his eyes.He seemed still immersed in his emotions and didn't hear what I was saying at all. But when I saw Li Yefu the next day, he had completely recovered.After he delivered the document loudly at the party committee, he made another impassioned speech.After the meeting, Li Yefu asked me to stay.I thought there was something wrong with him, but he pondered for a long time and only said one sentence, Zhou Han, you have made great progress in the past few years.Originally, I really thought you were an uncooked dead-faced momo, but now it seems that you are already very mature politically.When he said this, his tone was very flat, and none of us mentioned yesterday's incident. matured.Youwazi took off a handful of rice, rubbed it, threw it into his mouth, and began to chew. Youwazi spat out the rice husks in his mouth with a "peh peh", and shouted happily, it's ripe! Suddenly a lot of clouds gathered in the sky, You Wazi squinted his eyes and said, "I'm afraid it's going to snow, hurry up and put it away." I burst out laughing, You Wazi, you know, can it snow this season? Youwazi unhurriedly raised his thumb to try the edge of the sickle, and replied to me in a neutral manner, yes, Dou E cried out for injustice, and there was a heavy snowfall in June. I was dumbfounded, and went down to the field with a sickle in my hand. The rice is ripe, so ripe that it has lost its vitality, and all of them droop their heads, listlessly waiting to be brought down and harvested.For some reason, my heart was suddenly filled with hatred and the urge to kill.I stood firmly in the field with my legs spread apart, grasped the six ridges, hugged the withered yellow and lifeless rice, and swung the sickle to cut it all the way forward.The rice groaned and fell in pieces behind me.When I cut the ground, I looked back at the corpses of the rice lying on the ground, and smelled the bloody smell of the knife edge and countless broken stubbles in the air, and I felt endless emotions surging in my heart. I am mature, I think, should I cheer for maturity, or should I pay homage to maturity? It really snowed.The snow rolled down from the horizon like a tidal wave, and in just a moment, the sky and the earth disappeared.Youwazi suddenly stood up from the snow, his face was covered with frost, and even his eyelashes were white.I asked Youwazi why it took so long to make him look like this?Youwazi didn't talk to me, but looked at me with strange eyes, which made me feel hairy.I stepped forward and took a closer look. This is not Youwazi, it turned out to be a young soldier with a familiar face.The strange thing is that he is actually carrying Youwazi's half rod made in Hanyang in his hand. who are you?I asked if I was an oil baby.he replied. Nonsense, you are not an idiot. I'm Youwazi. I looked closely at his face and said, it looks a little familiar, but you are definitely not a baby boy. He just laughed and said Han Wazi, you have big eyes and lost your mind. I was startled, I sounded like an idiot when I heard this, but I didn't look like it.who are you?I asked again. He ignored me and turned his gaze to the distance. I followed his gaze and looked into the distance, and saw a cliff in the wind and snow in the distance. Facing the wind, I finally walked to the cliff, and my head was hurt by the cold wind.Standing on the edge of the cliff and looking around, I always feel that this place looks familiar.I didn't realize it until I saw the electric pole in the distance. Isn't this the place where the two soldiers in Heishan Pass had an accident?That's right, they fell off the edge of this cliff.I suddenly realized and said to the young soldier, no wonder I see you familiar, you are the squad leader, the Zhu Zhiqiang who died to save Lu Sheng, right? No, he said firmly, I am an idiot. I really don't understand why he insists on saying that he is an idiot, and I couldn't help but ask angrily, what's the matter with you kid, you are who you are, don't pretend to be someone else.You don't even know who you are, do you? Do you know who you are?He asked back, do you really know who you are?A faint smile flitted across his face, he said, in fact, you don't know either! Really, who am I? A headache that hurts like it's about to explode.I just feel that the eyeballs are protruding outwards, and the temples are throbbing. Probably when the Tathagata Buddha recited the mantra, Sun Wukong was in such a painful way. Who am I?I endured a headache and thought drowsily, I'm definitely not Youwazi, but I'm not sure if I'm Zhou Han, I'm not sure if I'm Huang Xingzhong, and I'm not sure if I'm Li Yefu. But am I really not an oil baby? Huang Xingzhong swung a large knife and slashed at me.He muttered: Zhou Han, you are a typical representative of a purely military point of view!You were the vanguard when Luo Ruiqing was engaged in the big martial arts competition. Although you restrained yourself after Luo Ruiqing was criticized, you were always openly dissatisfied and made waves when there was any trouble.As soon as Deng Xiaoping became a rightist overturning the case, you immediately used the excuse that "the army needs to be rectified" to focus on military training in the army, put military first, and purely military views! I hurriedly resisted his knife, only to hear a crisp sound of "dang", the two knives resisted, and the blades bit together tightly, making a "creaking" sound.Huang Xingzhong's attack this time was extremely ferocious, and I couldn't hold it anymore, the anger in my heart was rising up, I couldn't help shouting, Huang Xingzhong, if you have the guts, dig out my heart and let everyone see to the end It's red and it's black! Huang Xingzhong replied with a righteous face, he didn't need to look at me to know it was black, it was blackened by bourgeois military thinking! I said, Huang Xingzhong, you are killing Zhongliang!I really want to dig out your heart and see if your cavity is filled with donkey dung! Huang Xingzhong sneered, I am doing harm to the revolution!Let me tell you, as long as you sabotage highlighting politics and engage in purely military views, I, Huang Xingzhong, will not let you go! I was finally forced into the pit by Huang Xingzhong, and saw the soil being thrown in with spades, not reaching my feet or calves.No, if this goes on, won't I die in vain?I suddenly shouted desperately, Yu Enhua!Yu Enhua!Where the hell have you been? Yu Enhua's voice came from afar, Yu Enhua said, I am in Beijing, and I came to the People's Liberation Army General Hospital for consultation.I am currently staying at Li Yefu's house, and the old political commissar and his wife insisted on keeping me for a few more days. The soil was almost buried up to my waist, and I was so suffocated that I couldn't speak, but my heart was like a mirror, thinking that I couldn't have this girl anymore, and I went to Beijing for my consultation at a critical moment?What's wrong with her?Damn, I don't know if she can tell Li Yefu about my situation carefully.If Li Yefu is willing to come forward, it will really save my life, it depends on whether he is willing or not.I'm not sure about Li Yefu's thoughts at all. I've never been able to figure out whether he trusts me more or Huang Xingzhong.Under normal circumstances, he seems to value Huang Xingzhong more, but at critical moments, he seems to protect me more.I really wanted to tell Enhua something, but before I could say it, I felt the earth "huh" stuffed into the back of my neck, a sharp pain in my head, and I didn't know anything. The wind and snow finally stopped, and the sun suddenly brought that big face close to him, his head gradually slowed down like a frozen pear, and became clearer bit by bit. A voice nearby said, "Look, the blood pressure has dropped." Another voice said: "Observe closely and control blood pressure. If cerebral hemorrhage recurs, it will be very difficult to rescue." "Director, do you think my father is still awake?" It was Chuan Chuan's voice. "It's unlikely. The second hemorrhage aggravated the brain damage. It may be difficult to regain consciousness." "Then... won't my father become a vegetable?" Chuan Chuan began to cry. Xiao Jing's voice: "Don't cry, Chuan Chuan. The distance between the two bleedings is so close, it's not bad if you can save Dad's life. As long as Dad's breath is still there, the vegetative is the vegetative." vegetable?Who the fuck said I was a vegetable? !What a joke, can I, Zhou Han, become a vegetable? !I have to get up, I have to show them that Zhou Han is still a dignified man!I struggled desperately to remember, but my hands and feet seemed to be bound and I couldn't move. Just as I was in a hurry, I heard someone say: "Director, you see that the patient is very restless." The director was probably observing, and after a while he said, "Use some sedatives to prevent the blood pressure from rising again." Once the injection was given, it didn't take long before I felt my whole body go limp, as if I was rising like a cloud... The propellers roared loudly, and the camouflaged helicopter staggered off the ground.Li Yefu looked at the troops gradually moving away below and suddenly asked me, Zhou Han, you and Huang Zhenzhong have been working together for a long time, right? It's not short, I said viciously, I'm all dry! Seeing Li Yefu looking at me puzzled, I explained it to him, I said that now I've been pinned by Huang Xingzhong, my stomach is full of crooked intestines, can I not have a dry stool? Li Yefu was overjoyed, and said Zhou Han, Zhou Han, just saying this to you, your intestines don't have many twists and turns.I think you are a dog and can't change eating shit! I said that since you know, don't blame Huang Xingzhong on me.Spare me as soon as possible, and find a way to transfer the two of us away. Li Yefu said that would not work, how can there be mutual birth without mutual restraint?He looked at me very content and said, do you think I just use Huang Xingzhong to leave you? I said hum, isn't it enough to just leave me alone? Not enough, Li Yefu said, I still count on you to let him go. I?leave him? Yes, thanks to you not having him all these years.Li Yefu patted my shoulder and said, I still have to thank you. I was stunned for a moment, and looked at Li Yefu foolishly.I know he would never have said that to me if we hadn't been in-laws. Li Yefu always surprises me, especially when facing Huang Xingzhong. Although Huang Zhenzhong and I were promoted by Li Yefu, I always thought that Li Yefu admired and trusted Huang Zhenzhong more.Even Huang Zhenzhong himself said that the most rare thing for a subordinate is to meet a leader who trusts you. I, Huang Zhenzhong, can do what I am today, and every step is inseparable from Political Commissar Li's trust, care and help!There are not many people in my life who are convinced, but for Commissar Li Yefu, I am convinced! Huang Xingzhong was the most prosperous when the army was in command of politics, and he did it very well. He picked out an advanced model of political army building, and organized a writing team to squat in the company to write materials.According to the changing needs of the situation, a typical material was compiled from a different angle, and it was often published in newspapers and broadcasts, and it gained a great reputation.As a result, he was quickly targeted by the headquarters.Seeing the posture at that time, everyone commented, look, it won't be long before Huang Xingzhong can go to the headquarters.But when he came to the headquarters to discuss the transfer, Li Yefu held Huang Xingzhong in his hands, and refused to let him go no matter how much he discussed.Afterwards, in order for Huang Zhenzhong to continue working in the military region with peace of mind, Li Yefu even promoted Huang Zhenzhong to a post.Everyone can see now that Li Yefu really reused Huang Xingzhong, and he was reluctant to let Huang Xingzhong go.Later, when Li Yefu was transferred to the headquarters, everyone thought he could take Huang Xingzhong away, but nothing happened.Everyone guessed that when Li Yefu stabilized at the headquarters, he would be transferred to Huang Xingzhong immediately.果然，后来总部曾几次动议调黄振中，但不知为什么最后却都落空了。 有一次我到北京开会顺便去看望李冶夫，李冶夫刚好出去了，秘书让我在会客室等一等，我就与一个也在等李冶夫的人攀谈起来。他说你就是周汉呀，早就听说了一直没见过，李冶夫对你评价不错呀。我哈哈大笑，说李政委对我评价历来不怎么样，你是不是搞错了，说的是黄振中吧？他说没错没错，就是周汉嘛。黄振中我也知道，李冶夫对他的印象……怎么说呢？看我一副洗耳恭听的样子，他这才压低嗓音凑近我说，开始我们也不知道李冶夫对黄振中是个什么态度，好几次提议要把黄振中调来，但都被他给压下去了。Why?我吃惊地问。那人说，他也不说明理由，只扔下一句话：此人可用，但不可重用。你想…… 我当时脑袋就像被灌进水了一样，啥也想不了了。 你再好好想想吧。黄振中说，我已经决定了。说罢，咳嗽着走出了我的办公室。 我默默望着他的背影，心里不由翻腾起许多的感慨。黄振中的背向前佝偻着，使本来就矮小的身躯显得格外苍老、羸弱。我理解黄振中此时的心情。这场事故对他的确是一次致命的打击。那个典型是他亲手抓起来的，是他政治工作的主要建树，是他事业的一个标高。但那发炸膛的炮弹却顷刻间就毁掉了他多年的心血。最可怕的是，当硝烟散尽之后，他突然醒悟过来了，突然发现自己用多年努力构筑起来的并不是一座丰碑，而只是个毫无存在价值的虚华的牌匾！对我们这些视事业为生命的老家伙来说，这样的打击实在是过于沉重了。我始终认为黄振中并非死于肺癌。其实，当那发炮弹在炮膛中炸响之时，黄振中的生命就注定完结了。 李冶夫在得知这件事后，只说了一句模棱两可的话：成也萧何，败也萧何啊！ 事故发生之后不久，一辈子没抽过烟的黄振中就被查出患了晚期肺癌。黄振中垂危的时候我去看他。当我告诉他李冶夫让我代为问候他的时候，他的眼睛突然就亮了一下。当时他说话已经很困难了，但他的嘴还是费劲地嚅动着。守在旁边的肖萍就俯在他身上，听一句转告我一句。他说，他这辈子最幸运的是两件事，第一是碰上了一个好领导，第二是找到了一个好老婆。肖萍在转述第二句话时忍不住哭了。 她不敢看我，我也不敢看她。我只觉得嗓子眼儿一下子就堵住了，像有什么东西似的直往上顶似的，顶得我喉头涩涩地难受。我怕控制不了自己，抬屁股就走了，连个招呼都没跟肖萍打。 那是我和黄振中最后一次见面。 那也是我和肖萍最后一次见面。 死了几个？我的声调都变了。 七个。电话那边报告说，死了七个，伤了五个，一共伤亡十二个人。连长当场死亡，指导员…… asshole!我朝着话筒大喊了一声，就把电话摔了。 我和黄振中赶到现场的时候，天已经黑透了。那门炸了膛的迫击炮阴森森地蹲在月亮地里，不怀好意地等待着我们。我简单地看了一遍，发现整个炮筒都炸飞了，这说明炮弹是在炮膛里爆炸的。但这枚炮弹为什么没有打出去呢，我冷峻地扫视着陪同在旁边的那些指挥员们，他们似乎个个都在回避着我的目光。 我明白，他们都和我一样知道这是操作失误造成的，都和我一样明白这是装炮弹时只顾了抢速度，把炮弹别在炮膛里炸了。但他们谁也不敢说。 我恶狠狠地瞥了黄振中一眼，真恨不得毙了他个狗日的。就是他非要搞什么迫击炮速射研究，结果弄出来这么大的事。死了七个人，七个呀，加上受伤的五个人就是整整一个班！当初提方案时我就不同意。我说胡闹，训练教程上怎么规定的就怎么练嘛，炮兵的任务是给我打准，不是给我打速度！但除了我，党委其他人都表了态，同意炮团进行这方面的研究。我知道他们是碍着黄振中，因为这件事是黄振中一手抓的，别人一听说他准备让那个政治建军的典型连队来搞，就不好再说什么了。我不管，我说那我保留意见！结果少数服从多数，这件事就这么定下来了。 事后想想，我没能阻止这件事，也是负有责任的。迫击炮速射这种设想本身就存在问题，他们的基本想法是争取在极短时间内连续发射三发炮弹，利用抛物线的不同达到三发炮弹同时落地的效果，以增强迫击炮的杀伤力。黄振中可以不懂，他是政工干部，但我这个军事干部应该想到不严格按照条例的要求操炮是很危险的。黄振中的意图很明显，当时部队正在拨乱反正，不再只搞虚假的形式的东西，也开始重视抓军事训练了。他那个一直靠总结新经验、出新思想的典型，在军事训练方面显然不如其他连队。黄振中当然不能眼睁睁地看着他多年培养的典型垮下去。不能眼睁睁地看着自己多年的政治工作成果被否定。所以，他急于让这个连队搞出点实实在在的军事成果，来证实他抓的不是一个只会学理论讲空话的典型，来肯定他在政治工作方面的建树。但是他太急功近利了，把这样一个课题交给军事技术基础并不好的连队来搞，无疑成倍地增加了风险。 炮团团长！我大喝了一声。 arrive! 当时团领导谁在现场？ 报告司令员，参谋长在现场。 chief of staff! arrive!一个魁伟的大块头站了出来。 我冷冷地逼视着他，逼视着他手臂上那块十分刺眼的绷带。你是干什么吃的？我厉声道。 报告司令员，我是炮团参…… 我问你他妈的是干什么吃的？ ! ... 你知道实弹射击为什么要求团领导必须在现场吗？就是为了保证射击的绝对安全！告诉我，你当时站在哪个位置？ 掩体右面那个位置。 你应该站在这！只有这个位置才能观察到所有炮位！当然了，如果你当时站在这个位置，恐怕你现在就不会站在我面前了。我突然喊道，但是你至少没失职！至少是牺牲在自己的岗位上了！ 说完这句话我掉头就走。黄振中自始至终灰着脸一句话也没说。 当天晚上，我又把刘希文痛骂了一顿。机关派刘希文带工作组负责事故调查工作，刘希文临走前想到我这里讨点口风。我也正想嘱咐他两句。但他一句话就把我惹恼了。他说他已经把所有申请和审批迫击炮速射研究的文件都找来看了一遍，从文件上看，我们这一级党委是没有责任的。我们都是严格按照审批程序逐级往上打报告申请，并且是在上面逐级批示表示同意后才开始进行的…… 我一听就火了，我说刘希文你现在好赖也是个领导干部了，怎么脑袋越来越不转个儿了？让你查事故你就这么给我查？还没等怎么样呢，就先把责任追查到上级部门去了？你马上给我通知机要部门，命令他们立刻把下面所有有关迫击炮速射的文件都收上来，特别是那些批件，要全部封存，任何人不许调阅查看！ 刘希文走到门口又停下了，吭哧了半天才把他最想问的那句话说出了口。刘希文说，如果……这件事……牵涉到黄政委，首长的意见是…… 我立刻就把他堵回去了。我说，这件事怎么能牵涉到黄政委呢？黄政委又不管军事训练？你不要总搞上挂下连那一套嘛。认真调查，是怎么回事就是怎么回事，哪一级出的事就由哪一级负责任！ 刘希文这才踏踏实实地走了。我相信他能听懂我的话，会按我的意思去做的。这小子脑瓜快得很，见我把往上面推责任这条路封住了，就以为我肯定是憋着劲儿想借这件事整黄振中一下。其实我何尝不想治治黄振中。从个人角度，我巴不得找个茬子把他扒拉掉，省得他成天别得我心烦。但这事得从大局考虑。他毕竟是政治委员，是党委书记，把他牵进去也就把我们这一级党委都牵进去了。部队最怕的就是指挥机构失去威信，一旦指挥机构失去了威信整个部队的军心就会动摇，士气就会受到影响，战斗力就会受到损害。毕竟受党教育这么多年了，一切从大局出发不惜牺牲个人以服从全局的观念早已如同血液一样融入我的生命之中了。我怎么可能为了私愤而损害党委在全区部队心目中的形象呢？ 黄振中是在事故调查即将结束的时候与我谈的那次话。他当时不停地咳嗽，脸色发灰，很憔悴的样子，但脸上仍旧是一副不露声色的表情。 他问我，老周，调查快结束了吧？ 我说基本结束了，正在形成材料。调查组没向你汇报吗？ 汇报了，大致情况我已经了解了。停了一会儿，他说，我看把责任完全推在团一级党委身上恐怕不太妥当。 我心里这个气呀，心想你他妈的还来劲儿了。嘴上不快地说，总不能让我们这级党委来承担责任吧？ Of course not.他很坚决地说。 那你想怎么办？我终于忍不住了。我说，死了这么多人，总得有人来承担责任吧？推到上面不行，推给下面也不行，我们自己又不能揽过来，那你说该怎么办？ 黄振中用异样的目光看了我半天才说，这些我都想过了，最合适的办法只有一个：由个人承担责任。 个人？我几乎歇斯底里地冲他喊起来，你难道想把责任推到那些死了的官兵头上，你难道想让他们为自己的死负责吗！ No!黄振中看定我，操着他特有的那种音量不大但底气很足的嗓门道，我是说应该由我来负这个责任！说罢，他把早已写好的一份材料推到我面前。 这是一份检查。黄振中在这份检查里把责任全揽在了自己身上。他说是自己一意孤行不顾党委一班人的反对，坚持要搞这项研究。鉴于因此出现重大人员伤亡的严重后果，他恳请上级对自己给予行政处分。 看完黄振中的检查，我沉默了很久。说实在的，我什么都想到了，就是没想到他会主动把责任揽过去。我说，老黄，你这是何必呢？刘希文他们不是已经…… 他边咳嗽边用手势阻止我继续说下去。咳了好一阵，他才缓过来说，老周呀，你的用意我明白。这些天我也一直在考虑这个问题，一直在考虑如何才能把这个问题处理好。说老实话，开始我以为你至少也得抓住我的小辫子狠狠揪一阵，看来是我小气了。我没想到你能完全从大局出发，从部队的整体利益考虑来处理问题。按说，你把工作做到这个份上，我也就没什么可说的了。但我心里总觉得有点不踏实，总觉得这里面缺了点什么。 前天我找炮团参谋长谈了一次话，我知道调查组已经把他定为主要责任人了，他自己也知道。我以为他会怨恨我，我想听听他的真实声音。但是没有，他居然一点怨恨也没有。他只给我讲他那些兵有多么好，讲爆炸后他搂着一个齐根断了胳膊的兵，拼命想用土捂住那个呼呼流血的伤口。直到那个兵死在他的怀里，他才发现那个兵的眼睛一直盯着前方，他才发现前方树梢上挂着一只胳膊。他把那只胳膊够下来放进这个兵的怀里后，这个兵才闭上了眼睛。那么高大的一个汉子在我面前哭得像个娘们儿似的。他一遍遍地对我说，政委，我对不起他们，我请求组织上给我处分，给我什么处分我都认，把我枪毙了都不冤！ 你知道那一刻我想起了谁？黄振中突然问我。 who? You Wazi. 我心中一震。 我想起了油娃子那句话：黄振中，来世我登天入地也要挖出你的心看看，看你那个腔子里装的是不是驴粪蛋蛋！ 我惊愕地望着黄振中，他脸上仍旧是一副波澜不惊、不动声色的表情。但我发现他的脸面上有根筋在抽动，使绷得紧紧的脸皮显得很难看。