Chapter 17 lesion
"We don't need any communication from you anymore, please stop the transmission of all language symbols..." Dr. Geng Jian muttered, trying to type out the language he sent before his death with his weak and trembling fingertips, but the computer disk The key is so far away, as if it is hundreds of millions of light-years away, but what is really approaching him seems to be the entire strange universe that is constantly expanding.
The first case appeared at the end of August 1975 in the Golden Gull Triangle at the extreme southern tip of the Indochina Peninsula.Before the fall of the Republic of Vietnam, the area was once opened up as the "Haiyan Special Zone" by the anti-communist guerrillas. Soldiers and homeless people had spent more than ten years working hard on primitive farming here until early May 1975 when the guerrillas withdrew. Shou, the People's Liberation Army from the north and the warm and humid air from the southwest landed here almost at the same time.The rainy season has officially arrived and the temperature has dropped by four degrees.Before June, the name of this former special zone—Haiyan—had been forgotten by all the soldiers with guns and immigrants with hoes, and people seemed to be concerned only with the amount of rain.Lacking any meteorological measuring facilities, PLA commanders have no idea of how much rain has fallen, other than ordering their subordinates to keep replacing aluminum basins to contain leaks.He complained angrily over the radio to a captain in a neighboring unit: "How do I know how much rain it's raining? I have to wear a raincoat even to bed! — damn it! I'm going to shoot at least twenty-seven pigs today." His It means that one person must be killed if one pot of leaking rain is poured out.When his orderly poured out the twenty-eighth pot of rainwater that day, he noticed something strange. Two years later, this messenger named Ruan Gao sat alone in a tavern on the edge of Paris, drank three glasses of thick dark beer, bit his tongue and described the incident to Dr. Geng Jian, couldn't help but shudder Tears: "I saw a bloody corpse! Have you ever seen a bloody dead person?" Dr. Geng Jian nodded, thinking that the other party was drunk.He felt a little bit of regret that he shouldn't have casually struck up a conversation with an oriental in a foreign land just because he was lonely or bored.In fact Ruan Gaofei not only could not speak the language of his Chinese ancestors, he could even stumble in French and English. "I bet you haven't seen it." Ruan Gao decided to ignore Dr. Geng Jian's kind and ignorant nod and smile, and continued: "I saw it when I went to pour rainwater. A guy who had been dead for several days was sprayed Bleeding. On the head, on the neck, as well as on the chest and stomach, six bullet holes spurted blood like fountains!" Ruan Gao's tear-filled eyes looked out from the arched window of the tavern, passing through the two rows of street lights above Huanshi MRT Avenue opposite, a prickly white light glowed around the shadow of the lights, but it couldn't cover the darkness further away In the gloomy night sky, Ruan Gao saw many chaotic images in the dark night.He concentrated on following the memory images of his hometown, reading word by word, longing for Dr. Geng Jian to put away his good-natured smile, and to truly understand such wars and such nightmares. However, whether it is sleep, meditation, or memories that appear at any time, the corpse with six pillars of blood dripping one foot high will always rush to Ruan Gao's eyes first, and then, without allowing him to dodge at all, the naked gray skin of the corpse floats past The scene of accumulated rain and mud puddles also emerged.The skin is covered with turquoise bean-shaped particles, and the raindrops flow, gather, and spread among these particles. "I ran back to report to the commander, he almost took out his gun and blasted my head off. He said I was crazy!" Ruan Gao quickly wiped away the tear stains on his high cheekbones, and snorted: "He is crazy! "You're drunk, kid!" Dr. Geng Jian patted Ruan Gao's bony shoulder, "and you're terrified by the war." "What do you know about war? You don't! You don't understand at all!" Ruan Gao shook off shoulder, shook his head and said: "The corpse will bleed, and green pimples will grow on the skin, it is true!" "Memory can be deceiving sometimes - let alone it is the past." The doctor tried his best to maintain his previous smile, and said: "At least you are living well and free now. This is not Vietnam. You deliver letters to peace-loving people every day, and you come to drink some wine at night. The war is over long ago—"" No!" Ruan Gao shook his head violently, "This kind of thing will never end!—and, don't think you can help me." After the International DNA Research Conference in Paris, Dr. Geng Jian returned to Illinois and continued to hide in the small world of the laboratory and dormitory, almost forgetting Ruan Gao's name and appearance.For nearly three years, he occasionally recalled fragments of one-night conversations in the tavern, and he still felt terrified of the bleeding corpse.But he would rather believe that it was just a small phantom of fear in a war.He would never have dreamed that after many years, the disaster of war lost in the historical records turned out to be an early warning of disease in himself and the whole world.
In the summer of 1980, Dr. Geng Jian returned to China during the summer vacation.At this time, he was slightly bald and suffered from mild hemorrhoids. He was extremely impatient with the hustle and bustle of traffic in Taipei City and the entertainment with his old friends twenty years ago, and often felt inexplicable palpitations, tremors, and collapse.But his old father, teachers and classmates told him repeatedly: "You don't look old, but it's time to start a family." If Dr. Geng Jian could predict the future ten years later, he would never agree to go on a blind date.When the first north wind passed through the border in the autumn of the blind date, the doctor's wife, Asher, complained to him: "September's bride is nothing special, maybe we shouldn't get married so early." However, Dr. Geng Jian said: "Twelve months a year is about the same?" He rubbed his sweaty hands, not knowing whether to organize her suitcase or his bookcase first, and felt that the marriage was rushed some. "Who says haste?" This is what my father-in-law said, "I've spent half my life, and I've always paid attention to quick eyesight and quick hands." If it weren't for his sharp eyesight and quick hands, his father-in-law would not have been able to catch up with the fleeing wave in May 1962 and rush to Hong Kong. Do stocks, and return to China as a Hong Kong overseas Chinese to invest in land speculation.This time, he has spotted Dr. Geng Jian's social status and academic reputation, and is determined to let his daughter gain a new kind of fame for the Ai family. "I've been fooling around for half my life, but I just didn't get a degree." The father-in-law's next words were like this, "But what's the use of a degree? I've seen, heard, and done too many things." What his father-in-law saw and heard really opened Dr. Geng Jian's horizons.At the blind date banquet, Dr. Geng Jian could hardly believe his ears. He picked up a sea cucumber tremblingly with chopsticks, put it down, picked it up again, and finally let it hang down on the vermilion cloth, and was caught by the father-in-law beside him. He picked it up and threw it into his mouth, and said, "You don't believe it, do you? Boy, let me tell you, it's absolutely true. I saw with my own eyes that floating corpses spurted blood and had pimples all over their bodies." Ai Xueer glared at her father. : "People are eating!" Dr. Geng Jian lost his appetite for sea cucumbers, and his heart was churning. The father-in-law, who was chewing, did not stop remembering or eating and drinking.His face changed from proud and excited to serious.A year ago, he looked at the crowd of refugees on the "Shengbang Ship" outside Victoria Harbor with the same solemn expression, and deeply felt that God took great care of him.On the balcony of the luxury apartment in Lingang, the spring breeze was cold and the famous wine was mild. He sat alone and poured a drink. He once sighed and said to his daughter: "If we hadn't come out that year, I'm afraid we would have been like these Vietnamese." "Will they be sent back?" Ai Xueer held up the high-powered binoculars, covering her eyes full of horror: "It's so pitiful!" The father suddenly felt that his daughter was very strange, how could she know that "poor" is very, very lazy And useless emotions?So he took the binoculars, focused on the farthest wave in the north outside the harbor, and said, "What do you know about pity?" Then, when the heavy rain poured down, he put down the lens tube, and vaguely saw the wine glass It has been filled with thin liquid.That night he listened to the sound of the rain all night; the next morning, he took the binoculars and stood on the balcony. The sky had cleared up, and floating corpses appeared in the harbor. It was at the request of Dr. Geng Jian that the father-in-law brought up the floating corpse again.He readily agreed, and assured his prospective son-in-law with joy: "It would be great if I could help you with a little research and knowledge. I will tell the truth and never add anything." Of course, it is not easy. ; When his father-in-law described the floating corpse covered with green pimples, he even said: "It stinks! It smells worse than his mother's poop." Dr. Geng Jian knew that his binoculars did not have a nose, but he did not expose this old man who seemed exhausted after drinking , he guessed that the so-called stink was actually deeply rooted in the other party's memory as early as May 1962. Dr. Geng Jian thought of the down-and-out postman in the bistro in Paris.He drank a glass of Huadiao vigorously, and immediately felt beads of sweat the size of mung beans emerging from his half-bald forehead, and said involuntarily, "This, can't it be a coincidence?" This is the first time he said to himself After that, many years passed, and at the end of his life, he found that he no longer had the ability and opportunity to communicate with others, so he seriously contracted this kind of self-talking problem, and he was always the first one who didn't know that he was always Someone who muttered something.At the banquet, he didn't even know that his father-in-law was secretly and actively engaged in a new business; the old man had already become the most prestigious "smuggler" in Hong Kong in the early 1980s, running the business of smuggling children from mainland China.When Dr. Geng Jian was lost in thoughts about Paris/Vietnam/Hong Kong, his father-in-law got up and left the meeting, dialed a phone call to Hong Kong, and told a group of parents who were anxiously waiting: "Don't worry, I'm in Taiwan to deal with a housework. Two I will pick up the children for you within a few days, and you wait for my call." He also said to the young woman who was crying in the microphone: "I have experienced it, so I don't know your suffering." Three minutes later, he returned Dr. Geng Jian raised his glass to the half-drunk Dr. Jian on the seat: "I'm a businessman, I don't understand love; I just leave my daughter to you..." Dr. Geng Jian didn't hear the following words clearly, and turned to stare at Ai Xue Son, she lowered her head and smiled, frowning and biting her lips. Her expression confused Dr. Geng Jian, and she wanted to ask her father or other relatives and friends present for advice. The doctor's father awoke from a satiated sleep.
Dr. Geng Jian's father died in early 1982.The afternoon the news came, Ascher was sitting in her living room with her curly hair, reading a parenting manual.She was seven months pregnant and had a bad temper, so bad that she became picky about the new home that had just been furnished. "Would you please turn off that stupid TV?" she said to her husband.Dr. Geng Jian was watching a missionary program called "700 Club". The hands of the two hosts, one black and one white, were clasping each other. The colors on the old screen were not much different.One of them said, "Okay, let's close our eyes, close our eyes, and praise the Lord! I saw a friend with a tumor on his neck, yes, you are right in front of the TV, that's you. God is about to release You are sick, your tumor will get better now, praise the Lord!" Dr. Geng Jian involuntarily stretched out his hand to Ai Xueer. "What are you doing?" Ai Xueer flipped a page of the book vigorously. "Hold the hand of the person next to him, whether it's your wife, husband, brother, sister, friend... Now I see another person in pain." Another host said, "You are lonely and have hemorrhoids, But God is coming to release you soon, we praise the Lord in unison!" Dr. Geng Jian got up to change the channel, and then the telegram came.He stood by the door in a daze, and a few short lines of telegrams urged his emaciated body from all directions: "I am dying, you can go back, father." He was not surprised, not even very sad, but very scared.At this time, the news that Argentina sent troops to occupy the Falkland Island was broadcast on TV, and Ai Xueer was still concentrating on reading articles such as common sense on pregnant women's health care.Dr. Geng Jian thought of his middle-aged widowed father falling asleep while watching TV every night—saliva dripped from the corner of the old man's mouth, and flowed down the deep and helpless nasolabial folds on his cheeks to his neck.Most of his later years passed in this way.Dr. Geng Jian often can only read books outside his dreams. Sometimes when he is tired of reading, he will turn his head to look at the old black and white TV, or his sleeping father, and then his vision will change immediately—the crowd in the small room Everything in it seems to have receded to a very distant place, and there seems to be an inverted telescope tube in front of his eyes, pushing everything in the world away.Usually at this point, he would shudder and feel a dull pain in his asshole. "The wind is very cold, don't you know?" Ai Xueer glanced at him.He put his back on the door and said, "My dad is dying... maybe already." "Impossible? Wasn't it okay to call last week?" Flipping through two pages of the book, his eyes fell on the belly of a beautiful pregnant woman lying on her side and raising her legs. She felt that the appearance of the pregnancy was a bit fake, "I don't believe it." Dr. Geng Jian turned his face to look at the Argentine President Jati Rui on the screen. Speech: "... our descendants will understand that this generation of Argentines has fought for eternal glory for the nation, and they will also inherit this glorious tradition, never surrender, never compromise, and never fail..." "But He will die, I know." Dr. Geng Jian said with tears in his eyes, "Otherwise he wouldn't have sent me this kind of telegram." "Are you planning to go back?" Ai Xueer forcefully threw the baby brochure on the ground, "Tell you, I won't go back that far!" Dr. Geng Jian's father died at this time.Half a world away, he could also see the little quarrel between his son and his wife, so when he was dying, the old man didn't expect to see his son again.He estimated that he would not survive the dusk, so he asked a nurse to send a telegram on his behalf at noon, and then used the remaining time to recall his first half of his life; his only wife and only child lingered in front of the sick bed, as tired as usual. It's the same as the night scene of extreme sleep.The old man smiled and held the warm hands of his wife and children tightly, feeling full and satisfied.When the nurse comforted him, "Your son is coming back soon," he slightly raised the corners of his mouth and said, "He is already here. He is very obedient and hardworking. He will get a Ph.D. in the United States in the future, and researchers can't see him." Small things, small things smaller than bacteria..." The old man weakly told how his son studied hard in the three-square-meter space of the illegal building on Hangzhou South Road when he was a boy, with a slightly thin tone like transparent air.The nurse didn't stop him from talking because she had no idea the patient was talking.Before dusk came, Dr. Geng Jian's father suddenly opened his eyes, and a green teardrop rolled down from the corner of his eyes. At this moment, he suddenly remembered that he seemed to have only said one word to his son for many years, using all kinds of tenderness, sternness or Indifferent tone: "Go to school." Dr. Geng Jian reluctantly agreed to the invitation of the "National Science Council": to hold a "simple, solemn and serious" academic presentation after his father's funeral. The words commemorate the dead and commend Defan.What surprised Dr. Geng Jian the most was that his father-in-law appeared at the speech venue. "It's a rare opportunity, I should come." Father-in-law shook his hand and patted his shoulder, his expression turned sad, "Hong Kong is too busy, so don't blame me for not having time to attend the funeral. Sigh! It's so good How can I just go there?" "Uh," Dr. Geng Jian concentrated on thinking about the other party's question, and then said, "Because he has been sick for a long time." The father-in-law hesitated, and then found a familiar person in the crowd. He immediately let go of his fat palm and went up to him: "Minister Zhu is here too. He is really a rare visitor. Come on, Dr. Geng Jian, Minister Zhu, he is my son-in-law..." Minister Zhu spent five minutes praising The good eyesight of the father-in-law was able to choose such an outstanding biochemical scientist as his son-in-law to strive for the first place for the country.Then, Minister Zhu spent another three minutes inquiring Dr. Geng Jian about the current situation of overseas life. When he learned that Dr. Geng Jian's wife was expecting to give birth, he immediately said that the passing of the torch has the meaning of inheriting all life in the universe, and he was deeply moved by it for a long time.In the end, Minister Zhu held Dr. Geng Jian's hand tightly, patted him on the shoulder heavily, and used the remaining minute to end his gossip and homely instruction: "Ling's father-in-law is a great overseas Chinese leader. In the motherland, and full of enthusiasm and vitality of young people, it can be said to be a good example for all of us to learn from." "Where is it, Minister Zhu has won the award. I just," the father-in-law hesitated, and said that the meaningless "slightly exhausted" It’s nothing more than meager” swallowed it into his stomach, and temporarily changed his words: “It’s just to provide Dr. Geng Jian with some research materials occasionally, it’s not a study, it’s not at all.” At this time, they all showed curious expressions.In order to win the trust of these strange and friendly people, the father-in-law turned to his son-in-law and said: "How is it? How is the research on the lesion we discussed last year?" Dr. Geng Jian looked at the back of the auditorium with a little evasion The white paper cut-out on the jujube-colored curtain said: "Uh, uh, I'm still working hard." The cut-out words are like big buckets, and the name of the deceased father's glory is written, "I'm still working hard to study relevant materials. For example, if If it is not a coincidence, there should be similar cases, and there are still many." Domestic TV, radio and newspapers quickly reported that Dr. Geng Jian "is about to launch a research project that has been brewing for two years with the support of the 'National Science Council'" and "it is reported that this project may receive Dr. Geng Jian’s father-in-law—a well-known patriotic overseas Chinese leader in Hong Kong—supported”, “and this plan is more conducive to improving the research level and level of the domestic biochemical industry.”The reporter of one of the TV stations who hosted the news follow-up program even asked Dr. Geng Jian to perform a song interspersed in the video interview.Dr. Geng Jian said shyly: "I'm wearing a filial piety. And I really can't sing. I haven't sung any songs since I was a child." The reporter immediately changed a mournful expression and said: " So, did Ling Xianweng also like to watch our programs when he was alive?" "What fairy?" As a result, this question and answer was cut out.From then on, the colleagues working behind the scenes of the TV station have more evidence to ridicule the doctors as nerds.However, when they revisited Dr. Geng Jian six years later, they had forgotten the cut joke.Dr. Geng Jian himself is more forgetful.On the flight back to the United States, he found that the boredom of funerals, speeches, meetings, interviews and other activities in the past week seemed to be filtered out by a relaxed mood.In this relaxed state, the guilt of being unable to serve his father after living in a foreign land for many years, the majesty of his father's insistence on not allowing him to return to serve in China, and the tension between the two seemed to disappear because of a sudden death.He overlooked the blue Pacific Ocean thousands of meters below, and he couldn't imagine that the horrifying sense of fear that he had received when he received the bad news flowed there.He tried his best to stare at the zigzag lines of the continental shelf rocks under the ocean surface—as absorbed in reading the intricate ladder structure of bacteriophages in front of an electron microscope; on the other hand, he was fascinated by his father's care, cultivation, and control over the decades And oppression... All kinds of intertwined and latent emotions.He originally thought that once his father died, he would lose all the courage to work hard; however, after the funeral, he was so relaxed, full of freedom and light.His chest throbbed, his palms wet, thinking about his research, his family, his soon-to-be-born child.
Dr. Geng Jian emphasized that the fetus must be male, and named him Geng Zhi.Axel was furious that she wanted a daughter who could be dressed up like a little princess; so she couldn't wait to give birth to the pre-term honesty.When Geng Zhi was born, he was very dissatisfied with the endless disputes between his parents, so he kicked and writhed with his feet forward, and struggled for several hours before he was born with a crooked neck. Ai Xueer burst into tears.She bled profusely, fell into a coma, and still cursed her husband, son, and her father in her dreams from time to time.Dr. Geng Jian was very sad when he heard her talking upside down about all kinds of disappointments and setbacks since he got married. He didn't think he had made any mistakes. "I, I'm just a little puzzled." Of course, Ai Xueer ignored his murmur, and cried all the way in the drowsiness.The two clearest words she said were: "You know everything! I don't know anything!" Dr. Geng Jian really didn't know why his imaginative, coquettish, and irascible wife said such words without confidence , then shook his head and left the delivery room; seeing the bright hope he had once embraced on the way back from the funeral gradually faded, his mood suddenly became depressed, and he felt that there were helpless people around him who refused to help. The name of the tenacious postman.This was the first time in several years that he felt so strongly and precisely sympathized with Ruan Gao, and deeply understood Ruan Gao's parting words: "Don't think you can help me." Falling into fear, afraid of crooked neck and uprightness like myself, wanting to reject everything named by his father at birth; or like his father, using lonely self-imprisonment to punish the son who can't do what he wants all his life.He gently locked the door of the laboratory, and patiently picked out the file folder of an international DNA conference from thousands of research reports; Ruan Gao's address was written on the title page of the gray plastic folder.Dr. Geng Jian began to write a letter to a strange but close person to greet him.He couldn't find anything to talk about, so he apologized sincerely—"I don't think I really understand the world—as you said; I don't understand war, I don't understand life, I don't understand human beings. If you Remember what advice I gave you so stupidly, please forgive me." Aschel couldn't forgive the fact that her husband had thrown her a freak.After her physical condition improved slightly, she stopped crying immediately, dressed herself deliberately, and liked to wear popular girly clothes, and occasionally entrusted her honesty to a Puerto Rican girl, and went to the disco bar in the university town with Dr. Club or sorority dance.But her favorite game is teasing honesty.She can play hide-and-seek with Geng Zhi with a bottle without eating or drinking all day long.Geng Zhi's neck is tilted about thirty degrees to the right, and Ai Xueer often puts the feeding bottle on his left cheek so that Geng Zhi can adjust the angle of his head when he is hungry.Once Dr. Geng Jian lost his temper because of this.He is not good at swearing, so he could only blushed and said in a hurry, "Don't do this!" Ai Xueer watched the news on TV that Argentina was defeated and the British army won the Falkland Islands, and said, "He It's not me who made this happen, it's you! You engage in those poisonous things all day long..." Geng Zhi, who was born fifty days early, was struggling to catch the pacifier on the left, and couldn't understand what his mother said, "I'm helping your son become Do you know if it’s normal?” In fact, Ai Xueer never expected that since then, Geng Zhi has suffered from strabismus again. "You simply despise my work, Xue'er!" Dr. Geng Jian turned his face away, and paced around the living room, "I told you, interfering virus protein is not a toxin, and my research will not cause any disease , don’t be afraid, Xue’er! I am engaged in genetic engineering, how could I risk harming my son—” “You know everything, I don’t understand anything,” Ai Xueer said calmly, “But, I— —No—believe.” Geng Zhi finally bit the pacifier and closed his eyes. Three days later, when Geng Zhi was full moon, Dr. Geng Jian held a soup cake party for him.Professor Martin Klein, who attended the meeting, observed Geng Zhi for ten minutes and almost forgot the cocktail in his glass.Finally he said to Dr. Geng Jian: "Your baby is watching me, and obviously doesn't believe that I'm a scientist." "I understand what you mean." Dr. Geng Jian urged Martin to toast with gestures, and filled him up again, " Of course you're a scientist—don't be discouraged by those short-sighted pigs at USC. They don't respect you, Illinois respects you; they don't believe you, but Geng believes." Asher heard their conversation, Trembling with anger, she didn't understand how could her husband be such a lack of love?He actually went to comfort a drunk who made fun of his son.But Asher didn't have her usual seizures.She kept smiling, shuttled among the guests, called the Puerto Rican girl who was babysitting, drank two glasses of champagne in one breath, and called his father long-distance, but there was no answer.Finally, she opened all the doors and windows to enjoy a gust of spring evening breeze, then walked into the garden with roasted leg of lamb and trout, and told Dr. Geng Jian: "I am leaving you." In fact, she didn't think so Firm, but it is more resolute to say it.She was looking forward to Dr. Geng Jian's reply, or a surprised and sad expression.Dr. Geng Jian was bending down to put Geng Zhi back into the cart, covered him with a thin quilt, turned around and said to Martin: "I agree, sometimes we have to make a quick decision." Died in my laboratory." Martin drank another glass, with pink juice dripping from the corner of his mouth, and said, "This is not a humanitarian issue, but a scientific issue." "It's really unwise for them to ban your experiment." Ashe I couldn't be bothered to listen any more, so I turned around and left.At this moment, Geng Zhi tried his best to tilt his head and eyes to the left, and burst into tears.
For Dr. Geng Jian, the bad luck has just begun.His whole life has been thrown into disarray by his wife's departure, and he's surrounded by people who need help and problems to deal with, but it's hard for him to decide which difficulties, needs, pains, frustrations... are more important and Worth fixing first?On the last Saturday in June, when he heard honest cries on the toilet, he immediately gasped for breath and rushed out to make milk powder.The phone rang at this time. It was one of his Japanese students. The other party told Dr. Geng Jian in a frustrated voice that if he could not get the 908th from the 908th before the end of the semester To get the insulin he needs in the pig's pancreas, he's going to be laparotomized.In fact, the semester is over, and the Japanese student named Goji Mizoguchi also became a genetic recombination engineer of the American Eliary Pharmaceutical Company three years later. He often went to yuppie clubs and married an advertising model. He was so happy that he completely forgot the plight of Dr. Geng Jian who helped him complete the experiment.But Dr. Geng Jian has been constipated since that Saturday, and Geng Zhi, who was imprisoned in the stroller and howled loudly, did not know how to forgive his careless father; Dr. Geng Jian was too hasty at the time, and fed him a bottle of milk with cold water, causing him to get enteritis .Since then, Geng Zhi has struggled with digestive organ diseases all his life. During a hypnosis rehabilitation exercise, he recalled the situation when he fell ill when he was two months old. He was so sad that he burst into tears.Geng Zhi told the hypnotherapist: "I was locked in that small prison and drank cold milk. My father ran out and didn't come back for a long time. He was probably poisoned at that time." Dr. Geng Jian was not poisoned at that time, but he was constantly harassed by panicked people from all sides, and he couldn't refuse.Because once the idea of rejection arises, he will think of his indifferent and autistic father.So he endured the cramping pain in his abdomen, handed over honesty to the Puerto Rican girl who kept asking for a raise, and left home for four full days, forgetting that the body still needs food, sleep, etc., and finally opened the experiment for Goji Mizoguchi Bottleneck—Find out the difference in amino acid structure between pig and human insulin, "and I believe that the only different amino acid can be replaced by enzymes." Dr. Geng Jian wiped the cold sweat from his cheeks with the shirt on his shoulders . "If my experiment is successful," Mizoguchi grabbed his crotch excitedly, as if he had witnessed the future happiness, "I can find someone to invest in and mass-produce. How amazing!" "You will succeed." "I really don't understand, how did you screw up?" Father-in-law called from overseas, saying that his "although a bit capricious, but kind-hearted and gentle" daughter has returned to Hong Kong, "she especially wants me How are you doing? Is my little grandson good? Do you miss your mother?" Dr. Geng Jian couldn't tell if Geng Zhi missed his mother, so he said, "He's still too young." The father-in-law thought that his son-in-law was going to complain, Immediately said: "That's right! I scolded Xue'er severely; but you are too disregarding the family, the Chinese still put the family first..." Dr. Geng Jian listened silently, occasionally nodded to the microphone, and walked around wait and see.He stared first at the packet of Epsom salts that sat on top of the microwave, a wedding present from his father-in-law.There was a lactic acid sandwich in the stove. Dr. Geng Jian watched it turn yellow and zoom, and then beeped and turned into a puff of blue smoke, which rose and floated across the red and white grids stained with oily soot, spiders and fluff. Linen curtains; the smoke attracted a small mouse with big ears, which poked its head out from the other end of the carpet, sniffed the air for a while at the mixed smell of urine, medicine and food, and then burrowed into the carpet again.Dr. Geng Jian stared at its slender figure wriggling under the blanket, crossing the living room, and finally arrived directly under the microwave oven, got out again, and exchanged glances with Dr. Geng Jian. "You can actually laugh?" Father-in-law couldn't help yelling at him, "I think you are really confused. How can you study knowledge like this?" Then father-in-law began to talk about domestic politicians, scholars, experts, and all kinds of things. All the opinion leaders have personally mentioned their expectations and concerns to Dr. Geng Jian to him on appropriate and public occasions. "You are a national treasure, do you know that this is very important!" said the father-in-law, "Didn't Minister Zhu write to you?" The little mouse with big ears crawled closer, bearded and stared at Dr. Geng Jian from six feet away , expressing expectations. "Why don't you talk? Xue'er said that you are busy all day long, what are you busy with? Do something for yourself, for your wife, to save face for me, and to win the reputation of the country. This is the right thing!— - How are you going to answer Minister Zhu?" "Answer, answer what?" Dr. Geng Jian wanted to find something nearby to feed the mouse, and the only things within his reach were ashtrays, hair curlers, and pacifiers.He shook his head at the mouse. "The kind of virus research we talked about! What else?" Dr. Geng Jian said "Oh", scaring the mouse back under the carpet.He gradually remembered that there was such an official letter typed in block letters with a red frame and ten lines. In addition to a large number of compliments in classical Chinese that he could not understand, the letter seemed to mention "According to reports, The plague is rampant", "It may endanger the health of the compatriots in the country", and "Taiwan please conduct research on immune prevention and control as soon as possible, so as to benefit the people of the country." Such words.He seems to have taken the letter to wrap sandwiches. "Well, those are all unfounded guesses, and, besides, I don't know if I can handle it, if I can encounter similar cases—" "How many cases do you want?" The father-in-law roared again, "I tell you Isn’t that enough? Dozens of dead bodies in Hong Kong will spurt blood and develop green sores, and you yourself said that it happened in Vietnam, isn’t that enough? You are a doctor, and your words have been published in the newspapers, and you still say that there is no basis for it?”
In fact, during that period of time in 1982, domestic newspapers were publishing news about the Falklands Campaign, Wang Yingxian's murder, and the epidemic of measles at great length, and almost no one paid attention to what happened in neighboring Southeast Asia; as for Geng The virus that Dr. Jian mentioned casually and the plague legends spread by several newspapers trying to create news did not arouse the interest of readers at all.During a short trip back to China, Ai Xueer read a piece of news about the "Molecular Genetics Workshop" jointly organized by the "National Science Council", "Ministry of Education" and "Agricultural Development Council", and laughed a few times at it , she murmured a curse: "Frankenstein, crazy!" People who study something to the point of being clear, or who want to be clear about everything are all crazy in her mind.She flipped through two pages of the newspaper viciously, hearing the sound of the paper rattling, and finally shed some of her resentment towards her husband.Then she calmly turned her gaze back to the news and saw a frame of photos.He is a British officer in a flat cap, middle-aged, with a kind smile. The news says he is "Colonel Moore", the victorious commander of the Battle of the Falklands. He is brave, decisive, witty and kind. Bring a Bible and a collection of Shakespeare.Reports and photos fascinated Echelle all morning.Sitting in the coffee shop on the ground floor of the hotel where she stayed, she played a lonely, secret, wild fantasy game, and almost forgot to help her father buy the land.At the beginning, she was thinking that "Colonel Moore" would go to colonial Hong Kong for vacation after the battle, and enjoy oriental cuisine surrounded by beauties.Maybe at some kind of banquet, local famous justices of the peace, foreign businessmen, movie stars, etc. all came. “穆尔上校”脖子上围着鲜花环，手里捧起红酒，隔着人群远远地朝她——艾雪儿——举杯致意。她必须微微低下头去，轻咬下唇，接受另一名男士的邀舞。 “穆尔上校”完全不理会身边的红牌影星，只顾着从婆娑缭绕的舞影中搜寻这位身穿白纱衣的亚洲公主。然后他有些恼怒，灌了一大口酒，排开拥挤的人们，走到她和舞伴的身旁：“May I？”她带着一丝丝明显但是不重要的怒意，让“穆尔上校”把花环套在她的粉颈之上。接着“穆尔上校”吻她，她必须咬紧牙关拒绝几分钟，或者几秒钟，然后松弛下来，最后要求他在《魂断蓝桥》的舞曲里朝她耳边吟诵莎士比亚的诗句，随便哪一首都好，她不需要懂，只要浪漫地听听，并想象一个遥远的、光荣的战场；陷入英国人浓重深沉又温柔的音色之中，等待着摘采珍珠的勇士潜入她神秘的东方港湾。这是一个不可能实现的梦，所以艾雪儿倒不觉得有什么罪恶。后来她经常在紧要关头回想起这天上午的遐思，不免对自己的身世有些怨艾之意，以致终于有一天竟然在安德鲁·阿却·汉考克的床上哭泣起来，对方以为那是羞赧自责的表现，但是她知道：眼泪里充满巨大的懊恼；她这一辈子是再也不可能对自己满意了——艾雪儿，一个自私商人的独生女，一个缺乏想象力与热情的科学怪人的妻子，一个歪脖子小可怜虫的母亲，和一个患有惧高症的太空通讯专家的情妇。而不是什么漂亮宝贝，什么公主！ 艾雪儿离开咖啡厅之后，茫然地走在中山北路的林荫道上。正午的阳光自叶片间纷纷筛落，让她沉浸在一片炙热晕眩之中。她想着要去买很多很多的诗来读，吟诗，也许是那些不停袭扰着她的梦幻中唯一可能实现的一部分。但是她做梦也不会想到：三天后她在返回香港的班机上竟然写成了有生以来的第一首诗。飞机冲破云层，上面是更蓝更远的晴空。她合起那本莎翁十四行诗集，回忆起三天以来独处的日夜间所有的遐思与梦，必然有一种豁然开朗的激动。是的，她可以为自己做一些事情，把扭绞在生活里的一切渴望、焦虑、苦闷都抒解开来。这样强烈的解脱感几乎使娇小玲珑的艾雪儿承受不住了，她慌忙掏出眉笔，在一张粉红色的面纸上艰难地写着，字体扭曲但是诗情淋漓，有几笔甚至画破了纸面。她的题目是“飞向南极洲——给陌生英雄的初吻”，在写到“福克兰是一只折翼的彩蝶/倾听着上校奔腾的热血”时，她忍不住热泪潸然。 等到艾雪儿的父亲谈到这首诗的时候，它已经誊写在一册真皮精装、装饰着烫金花样的无字书里了。“这我不懂。”他虚心地问道，“这样一行一行分开来写就是诗了？”艾雪儿以为父亲有意调侃她的新事业，当下十分不快，不过连日以来涵泳在诗境中的迷醉感使她变得慵懒温和，于是她淡淡地说：“是的。我要把它登在报纸上。”“那我懂。”他得意地笑起来，“我在报社有熟人，打个招呼就给你登。”艾雪儿没有拒绝。遗传自父亲的理性直觉告诉她：写诗这一行和任何其他的行业一样，也有竞争和策略，她才走步，须要运用一点关系，这和那种使她热泪盈眶的感性是共容共存的两回事。结果《飞向南极洲》和另外两首抒情小诗很快地刊登出来，编者还特别附注了一行粗体字：“本文作者为国际知名生化学者耿坚博士夫人”，以平添显赫。艾雪儿不喜欢那一行附注，但是她知道这种事以后会愈来愈少；她已经拥有一片自己的天地，也绝不会再卑微地对丈夫吼叫：“我什么都不懂！”然后她告诉父亲：“我要回美国去。”“是嘛一晃两个多月，该回去了。有丈夫有家有孩子，不能老赖着爸爸。”他算好女儿交涉的几笔生意的盈利，按照商会的规矩签付一张支票，交给艾雪儿。她却深深知道：能够坦然回去，是因为她掌握了最好的防卫和攻击武器。她胡乱收起支票的时候，才发觉手指紧紧地抠捏着一支原子笔。
艾雪儿的笔墨生涯在一九八四年达到巅峰。她出版了三本诗集、三本散文集、三本短篇小说和一套讨论女性问题的评论。国内的文学界谓之“奇葩”。大多数的文学批评家、文学研究者和社会问题意见领袖都表示：像艾雪儿这样一位从未受过文学专业训练的素人作家，在这样短暂的时间之内，能够如此密集地创作出如此丰富而惊人的作品，实在是个异数——其中不少怀有稍许妒忌性善意的人士并提出了他们的忠告：“艾雪儿不该写得这么多，免得将来写滥了。”然而无论如何，艾雪儿暴享盛名，艾雪儿引起旋风，艾雪儿成为书市新宠，艾雪儿红了；这一切，都和耿坚博士无关。 耿坚博士只知道他那“爱使性子、充满幻想、柔弱美丽”的小妻子在重返伊利诺之后变得“比较有事做”，也变得“比较不做家事”了。他压根儿不清楚：时隔两年，国内的新闻界不再称艾雪儿为“国际知名生化学者耿坚博士夫人”，而改口称他叫“畅销女作家艾雪儿女士的丈夫”了。 事实上耿坚博士并不在意这种事，这种事比痔漏还轻微。耿坚博士自己也只在参加一些难以婉拒的社交宴会上才感觉痔漏的存在。一九八四年初，他应邀到华盛顿DC，为当地侨界新落成的联谊会馆科技局展示主持揭幕剪彩的时候，竟然还不知道为什么有那么多侨公侨母和侨头突然要和艾雪儿合照，并且持书请求签名。他穿梭在人群之中，找厕所以及找电话——结果他在厕所里找到了一具被联谊会馆馆方临时迁置在马桶上的电话，立刻拨回家，向波多黎各少女询问耿直的情况。波多黎各少女的哭声从话筒彼端传了来。“我的儿子怎么了？他还好吗？”耿坚博士的心理和生理同时陷入紧急状态，敏锐的直觉告诉他：耿直又在闹肚子，而他自己的肛门已经濡湿了。“我不能再管你的儿子，我爸爸我妈妈都死了，我要回家！我要回家！”这一次波多黎各少女没有像往常为了要求加薪而说谎。她居住在墨西哥瓜达拉哈拉市的双亲和三个弟弟在一次地震中被崩垮的砖石活埋，这个不幸的事件发生于剪彩典礼刚刚开始的那一刻。“我马上回来。”耿坚博士说。但是他没有马上做到，因为他在接下来的半个小时里以一种艰难的姿势（一手擦汗、一手捂住燕尾服浸湿的下摆）在数百名宾客中找不着他的妻子。 直到宴会结束，艾雪儿才从一位侨领手中接到耿坚博士留下的字条，寥寥数语，告诉她：他先回家了，侨社会妥善安排她的住处和旅游拜会活动，以及“have fun”。艾雪儿没有辜负耿坚博士的祝福——她结识了安德鲁·阿却·汉考克。 安德鲁是华盛顿社交圈的名流之一，他原先是英国皇家空军的飞行员；在福克兰战役中突然发现自己罹了对飞行生涯来说具有致命性杀伤力的怪病——他在五万呎的高空会产生“倒飞”的视力错觉。战役甫结束，他成为全大不列颠国协最沮丧的人，不得不立刻解除现役，转任英国皇家空军航空通讯中心的专业顾问。在一个讲究传统荣誉的国度里，安德鲁的新职只能让他在永无休止的挫折和羞辱中存活而已。他忍受了八个月，几乎崩溃，最后终于在他的老长官穆尔上校的协助下，离开故乡、来到美国，进入乔治城克莱恩战略研究中心，负责主持一个具有高度机密性的研究小组，展开对全球战略卫星布署均势的监讯工作。这项秘密工作有一个非常良好的掩体——人们只知道：安德鲁·阿却·汉考克是一位年轻、高大、金发、有着运动员英俊外形的讲师，在乔治城大学担任大气科学的教职，热爱自然、关心鸟类生态、关心并热爱华盛顿社交圈的美女。 艾雪儿会认识安德鲁则纯属意外。当地华侨界人士并不关心自然、鸟类，只是不停地将这位美丽的女作家带往各侨团、侨社去拜会一些用满口金色假牙大嚼生猛海鲜的老暴发户，使艾雪儿终于无法忍受，在二月十四那天的傍晚逃到乔治城大学附近的一个酒吧。酒吧的名字叫“Flying High Club”。艾雪儿在出租车上漫无目的地兜逛了一个半小时，被酒吧的招牌所吸引，立刻呼喊停车，对司机笑着说：“Flying High，听起来不错，如果你想完全脱离他们，只有这样。”“他们？”司机有些紧张，“有人在追你吗？”“有的！”艾雪儿用力甩上车门，说：“五十个老爸爸，而且都是我的读者！”司机认为她疯了；当她一头撞进酒吧里的时候，她也认为自己要疯了。 安德鲁坐在吧的一角，四周全是些捉对儿来此庆祝情人节的男女学生。他们互相喷洒啤酒泡沫、在天鹅绒椅垫上爱抚亲吻、口吐脏字以及大声询问对方在说什么。艾雪儿并不知道安德鲁来此独饮也是为了逃避社交，但是她首先注意到对方是全酒吧中唯一可以社交一下的对象，自然，安德鲁也一样。他向她举杯，她点头，然后微微地低下头去，轻咬下唇，回到一九八二年在台北中山北路那家旅馆咖啡座里的幻想游戏之中。一切已在下一个刹那中如此熟悉起来。
耿坚博士匆忙赶回家中，波多黎各少女已不知去向。耿直一个人关在婴儿车里，一手摇晃着没有瓶盖的奶瓶，一手摇撼着栅栏，整个人坐在一摊牛奶上，歪脖子斜眼凝视耿坚博士——他可能已经在那里坐了十个钟头，当然有充分的理由生气。可是依据二十年后催眠复健运动所唤起的熟悉记忆，耿直认为他当时并没有生父亲的气，他只是弄湿了小屁股，以感觉牛奶的温暖而已（不幸的是：催眠复健运动无法唤起那种温暖之感，牛奶早就在二十年前的几分钟之内化为一片冰凉）。 耿坚博士一阵手忙脚乱之后，才发现牛奶里还泡着一封信。他推想可能是那个粗心少女随手放在婴儿车顶上，却被耿直够到手，撕开来玩，然后随便扔进牛奶里去。事实倒不是这样。那少女接到了信，发现信是从巴黎寄出的，觉得十分好奇，便拆看起来。信才看了一半，电话铃声大作，她父母弟弟的噩耗突然传来，使她再也没有好奇和掩饰的心情，扔信入车，吓得耿直尔后经常会梦见自己被一张写了字的纸包裹起来，泡进墨水瓶里。 信的内容对耿直和波多黎各少女都缺乏吸引力，而对耿坚博士说来，却是终生不可再得的一桩宝贝了。寄信人是个职业送信人，一辈子替人作嫁，从来也没有人写过什么信给他（能写信给他的人早在十年前已死绝于西贡的巷战），但是在两年以前，他收到耿坚博士的一封自忖无从下笔回函，因为他不知道该如何答复耿坚博士那样诚挚的话，他几乎已忘记耿坚博士是谁。但是在一九八四年二月初的一个深夜，他又来到巴黎市边缘面对环市捷运大道的小酒馆，向一个长着东方面孔的陌生酒客叙述“海燕特区”发现的尸体、喷血柱和绿色痘疮，忽然想起了耿坚博士的名字。 “耿坚博士：我是阮高，那个越南人，你还记得我吗？”信是从此开始的。阮高的英文不好，法文稍有进步——不过后者使他的英文信更难辨识。耿坚博士花了相当大的力气才看懂。阮高是在告诉他：法国也出现了冒血和生绿疮的尸体。“……就在塞纳－马恩省河里，一共有五个人，都是支持'绿色和平'组织反核能运动的激进分子。他们被人射杀，尸体丢进河里，我亲眼看见那可怕的景象。当时下着大雨，和一九七五年八月的情况一模一样……我不记得是否曾经告诉过你（我告诉过很多人）：战争这种事永远不会结束，永远不会！” 虽然耿坚博士仍不免要怀疑小邮差阮高罹患了某种战争后遗症，但是有一种莫名其妙的力量在驱使着他，移动他的脚步，抬动他的手指，启动他的嘴；他走向电话机，拨了个电话给他的学生准博士沟口刚二。“沟口在吗？我是耿坚。”耿坚博士颤声说道，“可不可以请你帮我一个小忙？”“我正在赶写我的论文呢，老师。”沟口刚二略微有些不耐烦的口气使耿坚博士大为自责，他非常体谅一个做学问的人讨厌被打扰的心情，立刻道歉。但是他这一次是说什么也不肯动摇那已经打定的主意了——他要把任教多年来一直未曾“动用”的年休假来一个“零存整付”，并且向校方申请一笔额外的研究经费，花三到六个月的时间，到全世界任何可能发生病变的角落去，对“会冒血生疮的尸体”做直接的观察、采样和了解。 由于沟口刚二不肯帮忙，他必须亲自办手续、写计划、编列经费预算、寻找文献数据以及冲泡耿直的牛奶，忙碌不堪，没有工夫品尝寂寞，所以当他接到艾雪儿的电话时，才猛然想起：他的妻子已经有两三个礼拜未曾出现在这个世界上了。 艾雪儿的电话是在安德鲁的卧室床头打的，电话费由耿坚这边支付——她有一番基于公正和道义的说辞：安德鲁只是个讲师，耿坚博士已经是终身职教授了，而她打电话的目的是探询耿直的情况，耿直当然不是安德鲁的儿子；不过，艾雪儿并不介意安德鲁在她通话时伸出粗大的、直长的中指探访那块压歪耿直颈子的耻骨。她闭着眼、张着嘴，听耿坚在电话中大谈新计划、闻嗅安德鲁的胡子水香，同时感觉到整个人从最深最深的里面被撕扯成完完全全不相连属、毫无关系的两半，其中一半浸泡在耿坚博士的病毒、痘疮、血柱、痔漏、浮尸和倾盆大雨之中，另一半则飞飘起来，越过诗的节奏、《魂断蓝桥》的主题曲、玫瑰花环、红酒、安德鲁巨大如酒瓶的阳具和她自己高高举向英国式古铜吊灯的粉白小腿。至于她的表情，却是非常统一的，那是恐惧与快乐同时到达极致的一个空洞；她的嘴角和眉梢扭曲、颤抖在空洞的边缘。 安德鲁听见话筒中传来一阵鸣声，知道对方已经挂断了，于是更加恣意而暴戾起来，咬着牙说：“告诉我他说了些什么。”“现——在？”“现在！”“现——在？”“告诉我，我在飞，告诉我！”艾雪儿被催迫着，却也发现：耿坚博士在电话中所叙述的那些丑陋、恶心的事物有助于自己的激情，便发生梦呓般的呻吟，几乎一字不漏地把丈夫的发现告诉了情夫。如果这位情夫不是安德鲁·阿却·汉考克，或许他会像艾雪儿一样，享受到肮脏字眼和肮脏意象的美感，可是，安德鲁忽然泄了气，翻身坐在床沿上，犹如一名痛苦的思索者，把他俊秀的脸庞埋在那双毛茸茸的大掌之中，任由艾雪儿独自坠落在空洞里。“怎么了？”她问，“我说错什么了吗？”“不！”安德鲁哑着嗓子，“你说得一点儿也不错。就是那么回事。”艾雪儿不明白对方的意思，以为他对她忽然厌恶起来，这些厌恶之情显然和耿坚博士即将从事的丑恶研究有关，她不该说的，耿坚博士更不该说的。她开始哭泣，觉得自己一无是处。倒是安德鲁温柔地搂住她弹簧也似的小肩膀，叹了口气，说：“是我的问题。”
那确实是他自己的事。他很少去回忆，因为那是挫折与羞辱的起点，所以他记不清那是一九八二年的四月、五月或者六月。他只知道：也许是二月。他的垂直起降喷射战斗机从母舰上起飞之后十四分三十七秒，发射出一枚直接命中阿根廷主力战舰的飞弹，他看不见百哩以外的任何事物，但是电子雷达侦讯系统告诉他：敌人目标已摧毁。可能有数百人正在烈火浓烟和巨浪之间准确地死亡。他在空中稍事停留，向母舰报告自己的位置、时间和战果。他在下一刻调转机头，脑中闪过胜利和灾难两个字眼，但是没有被其中任何一方牵动丝毫的情绪。电子导航系统指示出回航的路线和高度，好让他避过一个小型的暴风区。他小心地绕过该处，一方面也必须尽量缩小绕行的圈子，以节省油料。就在他即将离开的一刻，一连串的意外发生了。 他恐怕永远也搞不清：究竟是在什么时刻产生倒飞错觉的。反而要到事件发生之后四年——也就是一九八六年——七月底，他第一次面对耿坚博士的时候，由耿坚博士告诉他的话比较可靠。“我想，倒飞错觉必然和高度有关，你知道，我们的内耳里有一种小组织，叫做'三半规管'——”耿坚博士说到此处，摇摇手，开始自言自语，“算了，这不重要，如果要说得清楚，至少要三天三夜，他不会有兴趣的，我干嘛费那个事？他只想知道倒飞和海上的浮尸究竟是哪个先出现的。也许他又不一定想知道……安德鲁，你是叫安德鲁罢？”安德鲁苦笑着点头。耿坚博士继续回到原先的话题，判断倒飞错觉发生时安德鲁已经不自觉地把机身拉起，爬升到四万六千呎到五万呎以上的高空。“问题是你为什么要爬升？”耿坚博士说。“的确，”安德鲁的笑容于是消失，“我应该俯冲下去的。海面上有两架直升机的残骸，至少有五十名英国陆战队员在一一死去。有的已经死了不知道有多久——”安德鲁的泪水滚滚流下，耿坚博士拍拍他的肩膀，让他觉得自己在为某桩罪恶进行告解——而这种罪恶却绝不是因为他和艾雪儿偷情所产生的。 早在一九八四年二月十六日，艾雪儿忍不住自责自怨而啜泣不已的时候，安德鲁便同时反省到：人不会因他所犯的任何罪行而哭泣，如果要哭泣，只是因为他根本不知道自己做了什么。 “我根本不知道自己做了什么。”安德鲁说，“我是不是背叛了自己的同胞？那些在海水中一个一个淹死、烧死的陆战队员会不会是因为我的懦弱而送的命？还是我当时并不想逃避，我之所以会拉高机头只是因为我想下去救他们，那么，就是错觉了？或者'错觉'只是我的借口？或者这个'借口'也是错觉？”艾雪儿没有细听他的话，她仍然有一搭没一搭地低声饮泣着，一面低头想着自己的心事——她也有一些类似的懊恼：她不知道自己用奶瓶逗引耿直，害他变成斜视鬼的动机究竟是什么？是想矫治他？还是戏弄他？ “我试了两次，三次，也许四次。”安德鲁说时也想到：或许只有一次，“我低飞下去，几乎要冲入海面，座舱里的警报系统响了，我冲得太急、太快，但是我看得很清楚，那绝对不是错觉，有一大堆尸体，在暴风雨里变成绿色，皮肤上喷出血水——”“不！”艾雪儿叫起来，擦干眼泪，紧紧反搂安德鲁的脖子，说：“不要说了，你让我想起我爸爸。”安德鲁也愣了，他不懂这中间有什么关系，正待要问，却听艾雪儿说道：“他是一个大骗子！——不要说了，来，Fuck me，that's all．”
耿坚博士的假准了，但是研究计划遭到搁置；换言之：他不会有一毛钱的经费。他可以去加勒比海、欧洲、夏威夷或者东亚等任何观光胜地；却不能到东非、印度、中亚等天灾人祸麕集的区域。“学校可以负担你到月球去避暑的一切花费，你绝对够资格。”系主任马丁·克莱恩（一个被南加大踢出来、被耿坚博士推荐婉留以致在此间扶摇直上的黑血病专家）说：“可是你的计划侵犯了别人的领域，这是连街上的野狗都不能忍受的事。或者我该这么说：这不是科学问题，而是人道问题。”耿坚博士本来想提出当年他力保马丁在伊利诺安居落户时曾经很人地道出让了自己的研究领域，转念又觉不妥，便自言自语道：“如果再有一两个病例就好了。至少更清楚一点，会比较有说服力一点。不过老马丁可能还是坚持研究领域的立场，那么我还是弄不到经费，就算有了经费，也是别人的领域，我干嘛费那个事？”这一次他是用中文说的，马丁听不懂，也体谅他这个老毛病，便不计较他了，说：“嘿！耿！轻松一点，好歹你的假期没有问题，沟口刚二可以代你的课，你为什么不好好玩它一玩。”“对！”耿坚博士一兴奋，英文脱口而出，“我去找他。”“谁？”“我岳父。”“你和你的岳父度假？” 岳父非但对度假没兴趣，也对当年他和耿坚博士“爷儿俩谈过的那种什么病毒的研究”失了胃口。他的地皮刚刚炒热，包下了国内一所电信大楼和一栋看守所大厦的建筑工程——二者其实出自同一张设计图，除了电话系统排水管道之外，几乎没什么差别。目前他最想参与的反而是文学书籍的出版——他负责替艾雪儿印诗集、文集、诗文集、全集、抽印集、年选集……拼来拼去，总有人买，于是才深深醒悟：文学真是种“老二事业”——平时看起来小，搞起来就大了。“你那一行的年月过去了。”岳父在电话里反过头来劝他，“你没有想过要改行啊？”“改行？”“是啊。”岳父说得一本正经，“现在流行什么软体、硬体，好像软体会越来越吃香的。我现在盖大楼，当然是硬体。这出版嘛，是个'老二事业'，软软就硬了。听说将来软件饭更好吃，我都想搞搞软件了。”耿坚博士当然不明白岳父的术语的源流，推说“欠学”，岳父当仁不让地喘了大气：“学历有什么用呢？我见的听的干的可有你学的学也学不完了我告诉你！” 耿坚博士还是耐心听了下去，岳父嘉赏他好学，答应向他“'国科会'的朋友”探探口风，“要不是朱部长下台了，说不定他可以想想门道——这老小子弄钱可有一手，又挺赏识你的。”此外，他也考虑用借贷的方式私人帮耿坚博士的忙，利息照算，反正他手里扣着艾雪儿百万字以上的稿件，风险不大。这对耿坚博士来说，已经是天大的恩赐了。“别谢我，你怀里搂着个摇钱树，你不知道么？”耿坚博士望望话筒，再看一眼怀里的小耿直，一时不察，“哦？”了一声。岳父才心满意足地说：“我把你交给雪儿，算是替国家保留了一个研究人才，你好自为之，搞搞软件去罢，嗯？”
一九八四年七月，耿坚博士收到了岳父从香港汇来的一笔钱，足够他环游世界两圈半。岳父另外还寄了封存证信，言明汇款出于借贷，利息四分，按月从艾雪儿的稿费和版税里抽垫偿付。艾雪儿为此大发雷霆，认为耿坚博士涉嫌诈欺，耿坚博士自己其实也搞不懂：什么叫“由艾雪儿女士的、《热欲》、《狂潮》三书年度版税收入中垫付”？艾雪儿愤怒到了极点，发出歇斯底里的尖叫，使歪脖子耿直误以为热水壶又开了，遂想起有一次被波多黎各少女烫伤的旧事，当场大哭起来。 事实上艾雪儿的尖叫中也包含着相当程度的愉悦。因为耿坚博士即将在暑期中只身前往世界各地做公开的度假和暗地的研究，而她则公开并暗地里恢复了单身女郎的生活，她尖叫着想起安德鲁·阿却·汉考克，一发不能停止。耿坚博士从艾雪儿断断续续的嘶叫指控中终于明白了几个重点：第一，“不要以为你的老婆好欺负”；第二，“我艾雪儿现在也是个人物了”；第三，“不管我做什么，你都休想抠我辛辛苦苦赚来的稿费。” 耿坚博士没听出最后一个重点里的前半句其实泄露了艾雪儿非常心虚的故事，只有连声称“好”。当然，艾雪儿也只是说说而已，眼前真正要做的，是帮耿坚博士妥善料理行囊。 然而耿坚博士自己却显得非常茫然——他根本不知道该到什么地方去。七月四号这一天，雷根总统发表国庆演说，强调美国人民应该在全世界的各个角落为自己身为美国人民而感到骄傲，因为他们有责任、有义务，也有荣誉（Pride and Honour）去领导世人迈向和平、避免战祸以及维持成长。耿坚博士跌坐在沙发里，越过七只盛满衣服、日用品和书籍的皮箱，望着屏幕上隆尼
The first case appeared at the end of August 1975 in the Golden Gull Triangle at the extreme southern tip of the Indochina Peninsula.Before the fall of the Republic of Vietnam, the area was once opened up as the "Haiyan Special Zone" by the anti-communist guerrillas. Soldiers and homeless people had spent more than ten years working hard on primitive farming here until early May 1975 when the guerrillas withdrew. Shou, the People's Liberation Army from the north and the warm and humid air from the southwest landed here almost at the same time.The rainy season has officially arrived and the temperature has dropped by four degrees.Before June, the name of this former special zone—Haiyan—had been forgotten by all the soldiers with guns and immigrants with hoes, and people seemed to be concerned only with the amount of rain.Lacking any meteorological measuring facilities, PLA commanders have no idea of how much rain has fallen, other than ordering their subordinates to keep replacing aluminum basins to contain leaks.He complained angrily over the radio to a captain in a neighboring unit: "How do I know how much rain it's raining? I have to wear a raincoat even to bed! — damn it! I'm going to shoot at least twenty-seven pigs today." His It means that one person must be killed if one pot of leaking rain is poured out.When his orderly poured out the twenty-eighth pot of rainwater that day, he noticed something strange. Two years later, this messenger named Ruan Gao sat alone in a tavern on the edge of Paris, drank three glasses of thick dark beer, bit his tongue and described the incident to Dr. Geng Jian, couldn't help but shudder Tears: "I saw a bloody corpse! Have you ever seen a bloody dead person?" Dr. Geng Jian nodded, thinking that the other party was drunk.He felt a little bit of regret that he shouldn't have casually struck up a conversation with an oriental in a foreign land just because he was lonely or bored.In fact Ruan Gaofei not only could not speak the language of his Chinese ancestors, he could even stumble in French and English. "I bet you haven't seen it." Ruan Gao decided to ignore Dr. Geng Jian's kind and ignorant nod and smile, and continued: "I saw it when I went to pour rainwater. A guy who had been dead for several days was sprayed Bleeding. On the head, on the neck, as well as on the chest and stomach, six bullet holes spurted blood like fountains!" Ruan Gao's tear-filled eyes looked out from the arched window of the tavern, passing through the two rows of street lights above Huanshi MRT Avenue opposite, a prickly white light glowed around the shadow of the lights, but it couldn't cover the darkness further away In the gloomy night sky, Ruan Gao saw many chaotic images in the dark night.He concentrated on following the memory images of his hometown, reading word by word, longing for Dr. Geng Jian to put away his good-natured smile, and to truly understand such wars and such nightmares. However, whether it is sleep, meditation, or memories that appear at any time, the corpse with six pillars of blood dripping one foot high will always rush to Ruan Gao's eyes first, and then, without allowing him to dodge at all, the naked gray skin of the corpse floats past The scene of accumulated rain and mud puddles also emerged.The skin is covered with turquoise bean-shaped particles, and the raindrops flow, gather, and spread among these particles. "I ran back to report to the commander, he almost took out his gun and blasted my head off. He said I was crazy!" Ruan Gao quickly wiped away the tear stains on his high cheekbones, and snorted: "He is crazy! "You're drunk, kid!" Dr. Geng Jian patted Ruan Gao's bony shoulder, "and you're terrified by the war." "What do you know about war? You don't! You don't understand at all!" Ruan Gao shook off shoulder, shook his head and said: "The corpse will bleed, and green pimples will grow on the skin, it is true!" "Memory can be deceiving sometimes - let alone it is the past." The doctor tried his best to maintain his previous smile, and said: "At least you are living well and free now. This is not Vietnam. You deliver letters to peace-loving people every day, and you come to drink some wine at night. The war is over long ago—"" No!" Ruan Gao shook his head violently, "This kind of thing will never end!—and, don't think you can help me." After the International DNA Research Conference in Paris, Dr. Geng Jian returned to Illinois and continued to hide in the small world of the laboratory and dormitory, almost forgetting Ruan Gao's name and appearance.For nearly three years, he occasionally recalled fragments of one-night conversations in the tavern, and he still felt terrified of the bleeding corpse.But he would rather believe that it was just a small phantom of fear in a war.He would never have dreamed that after many years, the disaster of war lost in the historical records turned out to be an early warning of disease in himself and the whole world.
In the summer of 1980, Dr. Geng Jian returned to China during the summer vacation.At this time, he was slightly bald and suffered from mild hemorrhoids. He was extremely impatient with the hustle and bustle of traffic in Taipei City and the entertainment with his old friends twenty years ago, and often felt inexplicable palpitations, tremors, and collapse.But his old father, teachers and classmates told him repeatedly: "You don't look old, but it's time to start a family." If Dr. Geng Jian could predict the future ten years later, he would never agree to go on a blind date.When the first north wind passed through the border in the autumn of the blind date, the doctor's wife, Asher, complained to him: "September's bride is nothing special, maybe we shouldn't get married so early." However, Dr. Geng Jian said: "Twelve months a year is about the same?" He rubbed his sweaty hands, not knowing whether to organize her suitcase or his bookcase first, and felt that the marriage was rushed some. "Who says haste?" This is what my father-in-law said, "I've spent half my life, and I've always paid attention to quick eyesight and quick hands." If it weren't for his sharp eyesight and quick hands, his father-in-law would not have been able to catch up with the fleeing wave in May 1962 and rush to Hong Kong. Do stocks, and return to China as a Hong Kong overseas Chinese to invest in land speculation.This time, he has spotted Dr. Geng Jian's social status and academic reputation, and is determined to let his daughter gain a new kind of fame for the Ai family. "I've been fooling around for half my life, but I just didn't get a degree." The father-in-law's next words were like this, "But what's the use of a degree? I've seen, heard, and done too many things." What his father-in-law saw and heard really opened Dr. Geng Jian's horizons.At the blind date banquet, Dr. Geng Jian could hardly believe his ears. He picked up a sea cucumber tremblingly with chopsticks, put it down, picked it up again, and finally let it hang down on the vermilion cloth, and was caught by the father-in-law beside him. He picked it up and threw it into his mouth, and said, "You don't believe it, do you? Boy, let me tell you, it's absolutely true. I saw with my own eyes that floating corpses spurted blood and had pimples all over their bodies." Ai Xueer glared at her father. : "People are eating!" Dr. Geng Jian lost his appetite for sea cucumbers, and his heart was churning. The father-in-law, who was chewing, did not stop remembering or eating and drinking.His face changed from proud and excited to serious.A year ago, he looked at the crowd of refugees on the "Shengbang Ship" outside Victoria Harbor with the same solemn expression, and deeply felt that God took great care of him.On the balcony of the luxury apartment in Lingang, the spring breeze was cold and the famous wine was mild. He sat alone and poured a drink. He once sighed and said to his daughter: "If we hadn't come out that year, I'm afraid we would have been like these Vietnamese." "Will they be sent back?" Ai Xueer held up the high-powered binoculars, covering her eyes full of horror: "It's so pitiful!" The father suddenly felt that his daughter was very strange, how could she know that "poor" is very, very lazy And useless emotions?So he took the binoculars, focused on the farthest wave in the north outside the harbor, and said, "What do you know about pity?" Then, when the heavy rain poured down, he put down the lens tube, and vaguely saw the wine glass It has been filled with thin liquid.That night he listened to the sound of the rain all night; the next morning, he took the binoculars and stood on the balcony. The sky had cleared up, and floating corpses appeared in the harbor. It was at the request of Dr. Geng Jian that the father-in-law brought up the floating corpse again.He readily agreed, and assured his prospective son-in-law with joy: "It would be great if I could help you with a little research and knowledge. I will tell the truth and never add anything." Of course, it is not easy. ; When his father-in-law described the floating corpse covered with green pimples, he even said: "It stinks! It smells worse than his mother's poop." Dr. Geng Jian knew that his binoculars did not have a nose, but he did not expose this old man who seemed exhausted after drinking , he guessed that the so-called stink was actually deeply rooted in the other party's memory as early as May 1962. Dr. Geng Jian thought of the down-and-out postman in the bistro in Paris.He drank a glass of Huadiao vigorously, and immediately felt beads of sweat the size of mung beans emerging from his half-bald forehead, and said involuntarily, "This, can't it be a coincidence?" This is the first time he said to himself After that, many years passed, and at the end of his life, he found that he no longer had the ability and opportunity to communicate with others, so he seriously contracted this kind of self-talking problem, and he was always the first one who didn't know that he was always Someone who muttered something.At the banquet, he didn't even know that his father-in-law was secretly and actively engaged in a new business; the old man had already become the most prestigious "smuggler" in Hong Kong in the early 1980s, running the business of smuggling children from mainland China.When Dr. Geng Jian was lost in thoughts about Paris/Vietnam/Hong Kong, his father-in-law got up and left the meeting, dialed a phone call to Hong Kong, and told a group of parents who were anxiously waiting: "Don't worry, I'm in Taiwan to deal with a housework. Two I will pick up the children for you within a few days, and you wait for my call." He also said to the young woman who was crying in the microphone: "I have experienced it, so I don't know your suffering." Three minutes later, he returned Dr. Geng Jian raised his glass to the half-drunk Dr. Jian on the seat: "I'm a businessman, I don't understand love; I just leave my daughter to you..." Dr. Geng Jian didn't hear the following words clearly, and turned to stare at Ai Xue Son, she lowered her head and smiled, frowning and biting her lips. Her expression confused Dr. Geng Jian, and she wanted to ask her father or other relatives and friends present for advice. The doctor's father awoke from a satiated sleep.
Dr. Geng Jian's father died in early 1982.The afternoon the news came, Ascher was sitting in her living room with her curly hair, reading a parenting manual.She was seven months pregnant and had a bad temper, so bad that she became picky about the new home that had just been furnished. "Would you please turn off that stupid TV?" she said to her husband.Dr. Geng Jian was watching a missionary program called "700 Club". The hands of the two hosts, one black and one white, were clasping each other. The colors on the old screen were not much different.One of them said, "Okay, let's close our eyes, close our eyes, and praise the Lord! I saw a friend with a tumor on his neck, yes, you are right in front of the TV, that's you. God is about to release You are sick, your tumor will get better now, praise the Lord!" Dr. Geng Jian involuntarily stretched out his hand to Ai Xueer. "What are you doing?" Ai Xueer flipped a page of the book vigorously. "Hold the hand of the person next to him, whether it's your wife, husband, brother, sister, friend... Now I see another person in pain." Another host said, "You are lonely and have hemorrhoids, But God is coming to release you soon, we praise the Lord in unison!" Dr. Geng Jian got up to change the channel, and then the telegram came.He stood by the door in a daze, and a few short lines of telegrams urged his emaciated body from all directions: "I am dying, you can go back, father." He was not surprised, not even very sad, but very scared.At this time, the news that Argentina sent troops to occupy the Falkland Island was broadcast on TV, and Ai Xueer was still concentrating on reading articles such as common sense on pregnant women's health care.Dr. Geng Jian thought of his middle-aged widowed father falling asleep while watching TV every night—saliva dripped from the corner of the old man's mouth, and flowed down the deep and helpless nasolabial folds on his cheeks to his neck.Most of his later years passed in this way.Dr. Geng Jian often can only read books outside his dreams. Sometimes when he is tired of reading, he will turn his head to look at the old black and white TV, or his sleeping father, and then his vision will change immediately—the crowd in the small room Everything in it seems to have receded to a very distant place, and there seems to be an inverted telescope tube in front of his eyes, pushing everything in the world away.Usually at this point, he would shudder and feel a dull pain in his asshole. "The wind is very cold, don't you know?" Ai Xueer glanced at him.He put his back on the door and said, "My dad is dying... maybe already." "Impossible? Wasn't it okay to call last week?" Flipping through two pages of the book, his eyes fell on the belly of a beautiful pregnant woman lying on her side and raising her legs. She felt that the appearance of the pregnancy was a bit fake, "I don't believe it." Dr. Geng Jian turned his face to look at the Argentine President Jati Rui on the screen. Speech: "... our descendants will understand that this generation of Argentines has fought for eternal glory for the nation, and they will also inherit this glorious tradition, never surrender, never compromise, and never fail..." "But He will die, I know." Dr. Geng Jian said with tears in his eyes, "Otherwise he wouldn't have sent me this kind of telegram." "Are you planning to go back?" Ai Xueer forcefully threw the baby brochure on the ground, "Tell you, I won't go back that far!" Dr. Geng Jian's father died at this time.Half a world away, he could also see the little quarrel between his son and his wife, so when he was dying, the old man didn't expect to see his son again.He estimated that he would not survive the dusk, so he asked a nurse to send a telegram on his behalf at noon, and then used the remaining time to recall his first half of his life; his only wife and only child lingered in front of the sick bed, as tired as usual. It's the same as the night scene of extreme sleep.The old man smiled and held the warm hands of his wife and children tightly, feeling full and satisfied.When the nurse comforted him, "Your son is coming back soon," he slightly raised the corners of his mouth and said, "He is already here. He is very obedient and hardworking. He will get a Ph.D. in the United States in the future, and researchers can't see him." Small things, small things smaller than bacteria..." The old man weakly told how his son studied hard in the three-square-meter space of the illegal building on Hangzhou South Road when he was a boy, with a slightly thin tone like transparent air.The nurse didn't stop him from talking because she had no idea the patient was talking.Before dusk came, Dr. Geng Jian's father suddenly opened his eyes, and a green teardrop rolled down from the corner of his eyes. At this moment, he suddenly remembered that he seemed to have only said one word to his son for many years, using all kinds of tenderness, sternness or Indifferent tone: "Go to school." Dr. Geng Jian reluctantly agreed to the invitation of the "National Science Council": to hold a "simple, solemn and serious" academic presentation after his father's funeral. The words commemorate the dead and commend Defan.What surprised Dr. Geng Jian the most was that his father-in-law appeared at the speech venue. "It's a rare opportunity, I should come." Father-in-law shook his hand and patted his shoulder, his expression turned sad, "Hong Kong is too busy, so don't blame me for not having time to attend the funeral. Sigh! It's so good How can I just go there?" "Uh," Dr. Geng Jian concentrated on thinking about the other party's question, and then said, "Because he has been sick for a long time." The father-in-law hesitated, and then found a familiar person in the crowd. He immediately let go of his fat palm and went up to him: "Minister Zhu is here too. He is really a rare visitor. Come on, Dr. Geng Jian, Minister Zhu, he is my son-in-law..." Minister Zhu spent five minutes praising The good eyesight of the father-in-law was able to choose such an outstanding biochemical scientist as his son-in-law to strive for the first place for the country.Then, Minister Zhu spent another three minutes inquiring Dr. Geng Jian about the current situation of overseas life. When he learned that Dr. Geng Jian's wife was expecting to give birth, he immediately said that the passing of the torch has the meaning of inheriting all life in the universe, and he was deeply moved by it for a long time.In the end, Minister Zhu held Dr. Geng Jian's hand tightly, patted him on the shoulder heavily, and used the remaining minute to end his gossip and homely instruction: "Ling's father-in-law is a great overseas Chinese leader. In the motherland, and full of enthusiasm and vitality of young people, it can be said to be a good example for all of us to learn from." "Where is it, Minister Zhu has won the award. I just," the father-in-law hesitated, and said that the meaningless "slightly exhausted" It’s nothing more than meager” swallowed it into his stomach, and temporarily changed his words: “It’s just to provide Dr. Geng Jian with some research materials occasionally, it’s not a study, it’s not at all.” At this time, they all showed curious expressions.In order to win the trust of these strange and friendly people, the father-in-law turned to his son-in-law and said: "How is it? How is the research on the lesion we discussed last year?" Dr. Geng Jian looked at the back of the auditorium with a little evasion The white paper cut-out on the jujube-colored curtain said: "Uh, uh, I'm still working hard." The cut-out words are like big buckets, and the name of the deceased father's glory is written, "I'm still working hard to study relevant materials. For example, if If it is not a coincidence, there should be similar cases, and there are still many." Domestic TV, radio and newspapers quickly reported that Dr. Geng Jian "is about to launch a research project that has been brewing for two years with the support of the 'National Science Council'" and "it is reported that this project may receive Dr. Geng Jian’s father-in-law—a well-known patriotic overseas Chinese leader in Hong Kong—supported”, “and this plan is more conducive to improving the research level and level of the domestic biochemical industry.”The reporter of one of the TV stations who hosted the news follow-up program even asked Dr. Geng Jian to perform a song interspersed in the video interview.Dr. Geng Jian said shyly: "I'm wearing a filial piety. And I really can't sing. I haven't sung any songs since I was a child." The reporter immediately changed a mournful expression and said: " So, did Ling Xianweng also like to watch our programs when he was alive?" "What fairy?" As a result, this question and answer was cut out.From then on, the colleagues working behind the scenes of the TV station have more evidence to ridicule the doctors as nerds.However, when they revisited Dr. Geng Jian six years later, they had forgotten the cut joke.Dr. Geng Jian himself is more forgetful.On the flight back to the United States, he found that the boredom of funerals, speeches, meetings, interviews and other activities in the past week seemed to be filtered out by a relaxed mood.In this relaxed state, the guilt of being unable to serve his father after living in a foreign land for many years, the majesty of his father's insistence on not allowing him to return to serve in China, and the tension between the two seemed to disappear because of a sudden death.He overlooked the blue Pacific Ocean thousands of meters below, and he couldn't imagine that the horrifying sense of fear that he had received when he received the bad news flowed there.He tried his best to stare at the zigzag lines of the continental shelf rocks under the ocean surface—as absorbed in reading the intricate ladder structure of bacteriophages in front of an electron microscope; on the other hand, he was fascinated by his father's care, cultivation, and control over the decades And oppression... All kinds of intertwined and latent emotions.He originally thought that once his father died, he would lose all the courage to work hard; however, after the funeral, he was so relaxed, full of freedom and light.His chest throbbed, his palms wet, thinking about his research, his family, his soon-to-be-born child.
Dr. Geng Jian emphasized that the fetus must be male, and named him Geng Zhi.Axel was furious that she wanted a daughter who could be dressed up like a little princess; so she couldn't wait to give birth to the pre-term honesty.When Geng Zhi was born, he was very dissatisfied with the endless disputes between his parents, so he kicked and writhed with his feet forward, and struggled for several hours before he was born with a crooked neck. Ai Xueer burst into tears.She bled profusely, fell into a coma, and still cursed her husband, son, and her father in her dreams from time to time.Dr. Geng Jian was very sad when he heard her talking upside down about all kinds of disappointments and setbacks since he got married. He didn't think he had made any mistakes. "I, I'm just a little puzzled." Of course, Ai Xueer ignored his murmur, and cried all the way in the drowsiness.The two clearest words she said were: "You know everything! I don't know anything!" Dr. Geng Jian really didn't know why his imaginative, coquettish, and irascible wife said such words without confidence , then shook his head and left the delivery room; seeing the bright hope he had once embraced on the way back from the funeral gradually faded, his mood suddenly became depressed, and he felt that there were helpless people around him who refused to help. The name of the tenacious postman.This was the first time in several years that he felt so strongly and precisely sympathized with Ruan Gao, and deeply understood Ruan Gao's parting words: "Don't think you can help me." Falling into fear, afraid of crooked neck and uprightness like myself, wanting to reject everything named by his father at birth; or like his father, using lonely self-imprisonment to punish the son who can't do what he wants all his life.He gently locked the door of the laboratory, and patiently picked out the file folder of an international DNA conference from thousands of research reports; Ruan Gao's address was written on the title page of the gray plastic folder.Dr. Geng Jian began to write a letter to a strange but close person to greet him.He couldn't find anything to talk about, so he apologized sincerely—"I don't think I really understand the world—as you said; I don't understand war, I don't understand life, I don't understand human beings. If you Remember what advice I gave you so stupidly, please forgive me." Aschel couldn't forgive the fact that her husband had thrown her a freak.After her physical condition improved slightly, she stopped crying immediately, dressed herself deliberately, and liked to wear popular girly clothes, and occasionally entrusted her honesty to a Puerto Rican girl, and went to the disco bar in the university town with Dr. Club or sorority dance.But her favorite game is teasing honesty.She can play hide-and-seek with Geng Zhi with a bottle without eating or drinking all day long.Geng Zhi's neck is tilted about thirty degrees to the right, and Ai Xueer often puts the feeding bottle on his left cheek so that Geng Zhi can adjust the angle of his head when he is hungry.Once Dr. Geng Jian lost his temper because of this.He is not good at swearing, so he could only blushed and said in a hurry, "Don't do this!" Ai Xueer watched the news on TV that Argentina was defeated and the British army won the Falkland Islands, and said, "He It's not me who made this happen, it's you! You engage in those poisonous things all day long..." Geng Zhi, who was born fifty days early, was struggling to catch the pacifier on the left, and couldn't understand what his mother said, "I'm helping your son become Do you know if it’s normal?” In fact, Ai Xueer never expected that since then, Geng Zhi has suffered from strabismus again. "You simply despise my work, Xue'er!" Dr. Geng Jian turned his face away, and paced around the living room, "I told you, interfering virus protein is not a toxin, and my research will not cause any disease , don’t be afraid, Xue’er! I am engaged in genetic engineering, how could I risk harming my son—” “You know everything, I don’t understand anything,” Ai Xueer said calmly, “But, I— —No—believe.” Geng Zhi finally bit the pacifier and closed his eyes. Three days later, when Geng Zhi was full moon, Dr. Geng Jian held a soup cake party for him.Professor Martin Klein, who attended the meeting, observed Geng Zhi for ten minutes and almost forgot the cocktail in his glass.Finally he said to Dr. Geng Jian: "Your baby is watching me, and obviously doesn't believe that I'm a scientist." "I understand what you mean." Dr. Geng Jian urged Martin to toast with gestures, and filled him up again, " Of course you're a scientist—don't be discouraged by those short-sighted pigs at USC. They don't respect you, Illinois respects you; they don't believe you, but Geng believes." Asher heard their conversation, Trembling with anger, she didn't understand how could her husband be such a lack of love?He actually went to comfort a drunk who made fun of his son.But Asher didn't have her usual seizures.She kept smiling, shuttled among the guests, called the Puerto Rican girl who was babysitting, drank two glasses of champagne in one breath, and called his father long-distance, but there was no answer.Finally, she opened all the doors and windows to enjoy a gust of spring evening breeze, then walked into the garden with roasted leg of lamb and trout, and told Dr. Geng Jian: "I am leaving you." In fact, she didn't think so Firm, but it is more resolute to say it.She was looking forward to Dr. Geng Jian's reply, or a surprised and sad expression.Dr. Geng Jian was bending down to put Geng Zhi back into the cart, covered him with a thin quilt, turned around and said to Martin: "I agree, sometimes we have to make a quick decision." Died in my laboratory." Martin drank another glass, with pink juice dripping from the corner of his mouth, and said, "This is not a humanitarian issue, but a scientific issue." "It's really unwise for them to ban your experiment." Ashe I couldn't be bothered to listen any more, so I turned around and left.At this moment, Geng Zhi tried his best to tilt his head and eyes to the left, and burst into tears.
For Dr. Geng Jian, the bad luck has just begun.His whole life has been thrown into disarray by his wife's departure, and he's surrounded by people who need help and problems to deal with, but it's hard for him to decide which difficulties, needs, pains, frustrations... are more important and Worth fixing first?On the last Saturday in June, when he heard honest cries on the toilet, he immediately gasped for breath and rushed out to make milk powder.The phone rang at this time. It was one of his Japanese students. The other party told Dr. Geng Jian in a frustrated voice that if he could not get the 908th from the 908th before the end of the semester To get the insulin he needs in the pig's pancreas, he's going to be laparotomized.In fact, the semester is over, and the Japanese student named Goji Mizoguchi also became a genetic recombination engineer of the American Eliary Pharmaceutical Company three years later. He often went to yuppie clubs and married an advertising model. He was so happy that he completely forgot the plight of Dr. Geng Jian who helped him complete the experiment.But Dr. Geng Jian has been constipated since that Saturday, and Geng Zhi, who was imprisoned in the stroller and howled loudly, did not know how to forgive his careless father; Dr. Geng Jian was too hasty at the time, and fed him a bottle of milk with cold water, causing him to get enteritis .Since then, Geng Zhi has struggled with digestive organ diseases all his life. During a hypnosis rehabilitation exercise, he recalled the situation when he fell ill when he was two months old. He was so sad that he burst into tears.Geng Zhi told the hypnotherapist: "I was locked in that small prison and drank cold milk. My father ran out and didn't come back for a long time. He was probably poisoned at that time." Dr. Geng Jian was not poisoned at that time, but he was constantly harassed by panicked people from all sides, and he couldn't refuse.Because once the idea of rejection arises, he will think of his indifferent and autistic father.So he endured the cramping pain in his abdomen, handed over honesty to the Puerto Rican girl who kept asking for a raise, and left home for four full days, forgetting that the body still needs food, sleep, etc., and finally opened the experiment for Goji Mizoguchi Bottleneck—Find out the difference in amino acid structure between pig and human insulin, "and I believe that the only different amino acid can be replaced by enzymes." Dr. Geng Jian wiped the cold sweat from his cheeks with the shirt on his shoulders . "If my experiment is successful," Mizoguchi grabbed his crotch excitedly, as if he had witnessed the future happiness, "I can find someone to invest in and mass-produce. How amazing!" "You will succeed." "I really don't understand, how did you screw up?" Father-in-law called from overseas, saying that his "although a bit capricious, but kind-hearted and gentle" daughter has returned to Hong Kong, "she especially wants me How are you doing? Is my little grandson good? Do you miss your mother?" Dr. Geng Jian couldn't tell if Geng Zhi missed his mother, so he said, "He's still too young." The father-in-law thought that his son-in-law was going to complain, Immediately said: "That's right! I scolded Xue'er severely; but you are too disregarding the family, the Chinese still put the family first..." Dr. Geng Jian listened silently, occasionally nodded to the microphone, and walked around wait and see.He stared first at the packet of Epsom salts that sat on top of the microwave, a wedding present from his father-in-law.There was a lactic acid sandwich in the stove. Dr. Geng Jian watched it turn yellow and zoom, and then beeped and turned into a puff of blue smoke, which rose and floated across the red and white grids stained with oily soot, spiders and fluff. Linen curtains; the smoke attracted a small mouse with big ears, which poked its head out from the other end of the carpet, sniffed the air for a while at the mixed smell of urine, medicine and food, and then burrowed into the carpet again.Dr. Geng Jian stared at its slender figure wriggling under the blanket, crossing the living room, and finally arrived directly under the microwave oven, got out again, and exchanged glances with Dr. Geng Jian. "You can actually laugh?" Father-in-law couldn't help yelling at him, "I think you are really confused. How can you study knowledge like this?" Then father-in-law began to talk about domestic politicians, scholars, experts, and all kinds of things. All the opinion leaders have personally mentioned their expectations and concerns to Dr. Geng Jian to him on appropriate and public occasions. "You are a national treasure, do you know that this is very important!" said the father-in-law, "Didn't Minister Zhu write to you?" The little mouse with big ears crawled closer, bearded and stared at Dr. Geng Jian from six feet away , expressing expectations. "Why don't you talk? Xue'er said that you are busy all day long, what are you busy with? Do something for yourself, for your wife, to save face for me, and to win the reputation of the country. This is the right thing!— - How are you going to answer Minister Zhu?" "Answer, answer what?" Dr. Geng Jian wanted to find something nearby to feed the mouse, and the only things within his reach were ashtrays, hair curlers, and pacifiers.He shook his head at the mouse. "The kind of virus research we talked about! What else?" Dr. Geng Jian said "Oh", scaring the mouse back under the carpet.He gradually remembered that there was such an official letter typed in block letters with a red frame and ten lines. In addition to a large number of compliments in classical Chinese that he could not understand, the letter seemed to mention "According to reports, The plague is rampant", "It may endanger the health of the compatriots in the country", and "Taiwan please conduct research on immune prevention and control as soon as possible, so as to benefit the people of the country." Such words.He seems to have taken the letter to wrap sandwiches. "Well, those are all unfounded guesses, and, besides, I don't know if I can handle it, if I can encounter similar cases—" "How many cases do you want?" The father-in-law roared again, "I tell you Isn’t that enough? Dozens of dead bodies in Hong Kong will spurt blood and develop green sores, and you yourself said that it happened in Vietnam, isn’t that enough? You are a doctor, and your words have been published in the newspapers, and you still say that there is no basis for it?”
In fact, during that period of time in 1982, domestic newspapers were publishing news about the Falklands Campaign, Wang Yingxian's murder, and the epidemic of measles at great length, and almost no one paid attention to what happened in neighboring Southeast Asia; as for Geng The virus that Dr. Jian mentioned casually and the plague legends spread by several newspapers trying to create news did not arouse the interest of readers at all.During a short trip back to China, Ai Xueer read a piece of news about the "Molecular Genetics Workshop" jointly organized by the "National Science Council", "Ministry of Education" and "Agricultural Development Council", and laughed a few times at it , she murmured a curse: "Frankenstein, crazy!" People who study something to the point of being clear, or who want to be clear about everything are all crazy in her mind.She flipped through two pages of the newspaper viciously, hearing the sound of the paper rattling, and finally shed some of her resentment towards her husband.Then she calmly turned her gaze back to the news and saw a frame of photos.He is a British officer in a flat cap, middle-aged, with a kind smile. The news says he is "Colonel Moore", the victorious commander of the Battle of the Falklands. He is brave, decisive, witty and kind. Bring a Bible and a collection of Shakespeare.Reports and photos fascinated Echelle all morning.Sitting in the coffee shop on the ground floor of the hotel where she stayed, she played a lonely, secret, wild fantasy game, and almost forgot to help her father buy the land.At the beginning, she was thinking that "Colonel Moore" would go to colonial Hong Kong for vacation after the battle, and enjoy oriental cuisine surrounded by beauties.Maybe at some kind of banquet, local famous justices of the peace, foreign businessmen, movie stars, etc. all came. “穆尔上校”脖子上围着鲜花环，手里捧起红酒，隔着人群远远地朝她——艾雪儿——举杯致意。她必须微微低下头去，轻咬下唇，接受另一名男士的邀舞。 “穆尔上校”完全不理会身边的红牌影星，只顾着从婆娑缭绕的舞影中搜寻这位身穿白纱衣的亚洲公主。然后他有些恼怒，灌了一大口酒，排开拥挤的人们，走到她和舞伴的身旁：“May I？”她带着一丝丝明显但是不重要的怒意，让“穆尔上校”把花环套在她的粉颈之上。接着“穆尔上校”吻她，她必须咬紧牙关拒绝几分钟，或者几秒钟，然后松弛下来，最后要求他在《魂断蓝桥》的舞曲里朝她耳边吟诵莎士比亚的诗句，随便哪一首都好，她不需要懂，只要浪漫地听听，并想象一个遥远的、光荣的战场；陷入英国人浓重深沉又温柔的音色之中，等待着摘采珍珠的勇士潜入她神秘的东方港湾。这是一个不可能实现的梦，所以艾雪儿倒不觉得有什么罪恶。后来她经常在紧要关头回想起这天上午的遐思，不免对自己的身世有些怨艾之意，以致终于有一天竟然在安德鲁·阿却·汉考克的床上哭泣起来，对方以为那是羞赧自责的表现，但是她知道：眼泪里充满巨大的懊恼；她这一辈子是再也不可能对自己满意了——艾雪儿，一个自私商人的独生女，一个缺乏想象力与热情的科学怪人的妻子，一个歪脖子小可怜虫的母亲，和一个患有惧高症的太空通讯专家的情妇。而不是什么漂亮宝贝，什么公主！ 艾雪儿离开咖啡厅之后，茫然地走在中山北路的林荫道上。正午的阳光自叶片间纷纷筛落，让她沉浸在一片炙热晕眩之中。她想着要去买很多很多的诗来读，吟诗，也许是那些不停袭扰着她的梦幻中唯一可能实现的一部分。但是她做梦也不会想到：三天后她在返回香港的班机上竟然写成了有生以来的第一首诗。飞机冲破云层，上面是更蓝更远的晴空。她合起那本莎翁十四行诗集，回忆起三天以来独处的日夜间所有的遐思与梦，必然有一种豁然开朗的激动。是的，她可以为自己做一些事情，把扭绞在生活里的一切渴望、焦虑、苦闷都抒解开来。这样强烈的解脱感几乎使娇小玲珑的艾雪儿承受不住了，她慌忙掏出眉笔，在一张粉红色的面纸上艰难地写着，字体扭曲但是诗情淋漓，有几笔甚至画破了纸面。她的题目是“飞向南极洲——给陌生英雄的初吻”，在写到“福克兰是一只折翼的彩蝶/倾听着上校奔腾的热血”时，她忍不住热泪潸然。 等到艾雪儿的父亲谈到这首诗的时候，它已经誊写在一册真皮精装、装饰着烫金花样的无字书里了。“这我不懂。”他虚心地问道，“这样一行一行分开来写就是诗了？”艾雪儿以为父亲有意调侃她的新事业，当下十分不快，不过连日以来涵泳在诗境中的迷醉感使她变得慵懒温和，于是她淡淡地说：“是的。我要把它登在报纸上。”“那我懂。”他得意地笑起来，“我在报社有熟人，打个招呼就给你登。”艾雪儿没有拒绝。遗传自父亲的理性直觉告诉她：写诗这一行和任何其他的行业一样，也有竞争和策略，她才走步，须要运用一点关系，这和那种使她热泪盈眶的感性是共容共存的两回事。结果《飞向南极洲》和另外两首抒情小诗很快地刊登出来，编者还特别附注了一行粗体字：“本文作者为国际知名生化学者耿坚博士夫人”，以平添显赫。艾雪儿不喜欢那一行附注，但是她知道这种事以后会愈来愈少；她已经拥有一片自己的天地，也绝不会再卑微地对丈夫吼叫：“我什么都不懂！”然后她告诉父亲：“我要回美国去。”“是嘛一晃两个多月，该回去了。有丈夫有家有孩子，不能老赖着爸爸。”他算好女儿交涉的几笔生意的盈利，按照商会的规矩签付一张支票，交给艾雪儿。她却深深知道：能够坦然回去，是因为她掌握了最好的防卫和攻击武器。她胡乱收起支票的时候，才发觉手指紧紧地抠捏着一支原子笔。
艾雪儿的笔墨生涯在一九八四年达到巅峰。她出版了三本诗集、三本散文集、三本短篇小说和一套讨论女性问题的评论。国内的文学界谓之“奇葩”。大多数的文学批评家、文学研究者和社会问题意见领袖都表示：像艾雪儿这样一位从未受过文学专业训练的素人作家，在这样短暂的时间之内，能够如此密集地创作出如此丰富而惊人的作品，实在是个异数——其中不少怀有稍许妒忌性善意的人士并提出了他们的忠告：“艾雪儿不该写得这么多，免得将来写滥了。”然而无论如何，艾雪儿暴享盛名，艾雪儿引起旋风，艾雪儿成为书市新宠，艾雪儿红了；这一切，都和耿坚博士无关。 耿坚博士只知道他那“爱使性子、充满幻想、柔弱美丽”的小妻子在重返伊利诺之后变得“比较有事做”，也变得“比较不做家事”了。他压根儿不清楚：时隔两年，国内的新闻界不再称艾雪儿为“国际知名生化学者耿坚博士夫人”，而改口称他叫“畅销女作家艾雪儿女士的丈夫”了。 事实上耿坚博士并不在意这种事，这种事比痔漏还轻微。耿坚博士自己也只在参加一些难以婉拒的社交宴会上才感觉痔漏的存在。一九八四年初，他应邀到华盛顿DC，为当地侨界新落成的联谊会馆科技局展示主持揭幕剪彩的时候，竟然还不知道为什么有那么多侨公侨母和侨头突然要和艾雪儿合照，并且持书请求签名。他穿梭在人群之中，找厕所以及找电话——结果他在厕所里找到了一具被联谊会馆馆方临时迁置在马桶上的电话，立刻拨回家，向波多黎各少女询问耿直的情况。波多黎各少女的哭声从话筒彼端传了来。“我的儿子怎么了？他还好吗？”耿坚博士的心理和生理同时陷入紧急状态，敏锐的直觉告诉他：耿直又在闹肚子，而他自己的肛门已经濡湿了。“我不能再管你的儿子，我爸爸我妈妈都死了，我要回家！我要回家！”这一次波多黎各少女没有像往常为了要求加薪而说谎。她居住在墨西哥瓜达拉哈拉市的双亲和三个弟弟在一次地震中被崩垮的砖石活埋，这个不幸的事件发生于剪彩典礼刚刚开始的那一刻。“我马上回来。”耿坚博士说。但是他没有马上做到，因为他在接下来的半个小时里以一种艰难的姿势（一手擦汗、一手捂住燕尾服浸湿的下摆）在数百名宾客中找不着他的妻子。 直到宴会结束，艾雪儿才从一位侨领手中接到耿坚博士留下的字条，寥寥数语，告诉她：他先回家了，侨社会妥善安排她的住处和旅游拜会活动，以及“have fun”。艾雪儿没有辜负耿坚博士的祝福——她结识了安德鲁·阿却·汉考克。 安德鲁是华盛顿社交圈的名流之一，他原先是英国皇家空军的飞行员；在福克兰战役中突然发现自己罹了对飞行生涯来说具有致命性杀伤力的怪病——他在五万呎的高空会产生“倒飞”的视力错觉。战役甫结束，他成为全大不列颠国协最沮丧的人，不得不立刻解除现役，转任英国皇家空军航空通讯中心的专业顾问。在一个讲究传统荣誉的国度里，安德鲁的新职只能让他在永无休止的挫折和羞辱中存活而已。他忍受了八个月，几乎崩溃，最后终于在他的老长官穆尔上校的协助下，离开故乡、来到美国，进入乔治城克莱恩战略研究中心，负责主持一个具有高度机密性的研究小组，展开对全球战略卫星布署均势的监讯工作。这项秘密工作有一个非常良好的掩体——人们只知道：安德鲁·阿却·汉考克是一位年轻、高大、金发、有着运动员英俊外形的讲师，在乔治城大学担任大气科学的教职，热爱自然、关心鸟类生态、关心并热爱华盛顿社交圈的美女。 艾雪儿会认识安德鲁则纯属意外。当地华侨界人士并不关心自然、鸟类，只是不停地将这位美丽的女作家带往各侨团、侨社去拜会一些用满口金色假牙大嚼生猛海鲜的老暴发户，使艾雪儿终于无法忍受，在二月十四那天的傍晚逃到乔治城大学附近的一个酒吧。酒吧的名字叫“Flying High Club”。艾雪儿在出租车上漫无目的地兜逛了一个半小时，被酒吧的招牌所吸引，立刻呼喊停车，对司机笑着说：“Flying High，听起来不错，如果你想完全脱离他们，只有这样。”“他们？”司机有些紧张，“有人在追你吗？”“有的！”艾雪儿用力甩上车门，说：“五十个老爸爸，而且都是我的读者！”司机认为她疯了；当她一头撞进酒吧里的时候，她也认为自己要疯了。 安德鲁坐在吧的一角，四周全是些捉对儿来此庆祝情人节的男女学生。他们互相喷洒啤酒泡沫、在天鹅绒椅垫上爱抚亲吻、口吐脏字以及大声询问对方在说什么。艾雪儿并不知道安德鲁来此独饮也是为了逃避社交，但是她首先注意到对方是全酒吧中唯一可以社交一下的对象，自然，安德鲁也一样。他向她举杯，她点头，然后微微地低下头去，轻咬下唇，回到一九八二年在台北中山北路那家旅馆咖啡座里的幻想游戏之中。一切已在下一个刹那中如此熟悉起来。
耿坚博士匆忙赶回家中，波多黎各少女已不知去向。耿直一个人关在婴儿车里，一手摇晃着没有瓶盖的奶瓶，一手摇撼着栅栏，整个人坐在一摊牛奶上，歪脖子斜眼凝视耿坚博士——他可能已经在那里坐了十个钟头，当然有充分的理由生气。可是依据二十年后催眠复健运动所唤起的熟悉记忆，耿直认为他当时并没有生父亲的气，他只是弄湿了小屁股，以感觉牛奶的温暖而已（不幸的是：催眠复健运动无法唤起那种温暖之感，牛奶早就在二十年前的几分钟之内化为一片冰凉）。 耿坚博士一阵手忙脚乱之后，才发现牛奶里还泡着一封信。他推想可能是那个粗心少女随手放在婴儿车顶上，却被耿直够到手，撕开来玩，然后随便扔进牛奶里去。事实倒不是这样。那少女接到了信，发现信是从巴黎寄出的，觉得十分好奇，便拆看起来。信才看了一半，电话铃声大作，她父母弟弟的噩耗突然传来，使她再也没有好奇和掩饰的心情，扔信入车，吓得耿直尔后经常会梦见自己被一张写了字的纸包裹起来，泡进墨水瓶里。 信的内容对耿直和波多黎各少女都缺乏吸引力，而对耿坚博士说来，却是终生不可再得的一桩宝贝了。寄信人是个职业送信人，一辈子替人作嫁，从来也没有人写过什么信给他（能写信给他的人早在十年前已死绝于西贡的巷战），但是在两年以前，他收到耿坚博士的一封自忖无从下笔回函，因为他不知道该如何答复耿坚博士那样诚挚的话，他几乎已忘记耿坚博士是谁。但是在一九八四年二月初的一个深夜，他又来到巴黎市边缘面对环市捷运大道的小酒馆，向一个长着东方面孔的陌生酒客叙述“海燕特区”发现的尸体、喷血柱和绿色痘疮，忽然想起了耿坚博士的名字。 “耿坚博士：我是阮高，那个越南人，你还记得我吗？”信是从此开始的。阮高的英文不好，法文稍有进步——不过后者使他的英文信更难辨识。耿坚博士花了相当大的力气才看懂。阮高是在告诉他：法国也出现了冒血和生绿疮的尸体。“……就在塞纳－马恩省河里，一共有五个人，都是支持'绿色和平'组织反核能运动的激进分子。他们被人射杀，尸体丢进河里，我亲眼看见那可怕的景象。当时下着大雨，和一九七五年八月的情况一模一样……我不记得是否曾经告诉过你（我告诉过很多人）：战争这种事永远不会结束，永远不会！” 虽然耿坚博士仍不免要怀疑小邮差阮高罹患了某种战争后遗症，但是有一种莫名其妙的力量在驱使着他，移动他的脚步，抬动他的手指，启动他的嘴；他走向电话机，拨了个电话给他的学生准博士沟口刚二。“沟口在吗？我是耿坚。”耿坚博士颤声说道，“可不可以请你帮我一个小忙？”“我正在赶写我的论文呢，老师。”沟口刚二略微有些不耐烦的口气使耿坚博士大为自责，他非常体谅一个做学问的人讨厌被打扰的心情，立刻道歉。但是他这一次是说什么也不肯动摇那已经打定的主意了——他要把任教多年来一直未曾“动用”的年休假来一个“零存整付”，并且向校方申请一笔额外的研究经费，花三到六个月的时间，到全世界任何可能发生病变的角落去，对“会冒血生疮的尸体”做直接的观察、采样和了解。 由于沟口刚二不肯帮忙，他必须亲自办手续、写计划、编列经费预算、寻找文献数据以及冲泡耿直的牛奶，忙碌不堪，没有工夫品尝寂寞，所以当他接到艾雪儿的电话时，才猛然想起：他的妻子已经有两三个礼拜未曾出现在这个世界上了。 艾雪儿的电话是在安德鲁的卧室床头打的，电话费由耿坚这边支付——她有一番基于公正和道义的说辞：安德鲁只是个讲师，耿坚博士已经是终身职教授了，而她打电话的目的是探询耿直的情况，耿直当然不是安德鲁的儿子；不过，艾雪儿并不介意安德鲁在她通话时伸出粗大的、直长的中指探访那块压歪耿直颈子的耻骨。她闭着眼、张着嘴，听耿坚在电话中大谈新计划、闻嗅安德鲁的胡子水香，同时感觉到整个人从最深最深的里面被撕扯成完完全全不相连属、毫无关系的两半，其中一半浸泡在耿坚博士的病毒、痘疮、血柱、痔漏、浮尸和倾盆大雨之中，另一半则飞飘起来，越过诗的节奏、《魂断蓝桥》的主题曲、玫瑰花环、红酒、安德鲁巨大如酒瓶的阳具和她自己高高举向英国式古铜吊灯的粉白小腿。至于她的表情，却是非常统一的，那是恐惧与快乐同时到达极致的一个空洞；她的嘴角和眉梢扭曲、颤抖在空洞的边缘。 安德鲁听见话筒中传来一阵鸣声，知道对方已经挂断了，于是更加恣意而暴戾起来，咬着牙说：“告诉我他说了些什么。”“现——在？”“现在！”“现——在？”“告诉我，我在飞，告诉我！”艾雪儿被催迫着，却也发现：耿坚博士在电话中所叙述的那些丑陋、恶心的事物有助于自己的激情，便发生梦呓般的呻吟，几乎一字不漏地把丈夫的发现告诉了情夫。如果这位情夫不是安德鲁·阿却·汉考克，或许他会像艾雪儿一样，享受到肮脏字眼和肮脏意象的美感，可是，安德鲁忽然泄了气，翻身坐在床沿上，犹如一名痛苦的思索者，把他俊秀的脸庞埋在那双毛茸茸的大掌之中，任由艾雪儿独自坠落在空洞里。“怎么了？”她问，“我说错什么了吗？”“不！”安德鲁哑着嗓子，“你说得一点儿也不错。就是那么回事。”艾雪儿不明白对方的意思，以为他对她忽然厌恶起来，这些厌恶之情显然和耿坚博士即将从事的丑恶研究有关，她不该说的，耿坚博士更不该说的。她开始哭泣，觉得自己一无是处。倒是安德鲁温柔地搂住她弹簧也似的小肩膀，叹了口气，说：“是我的问题。”
那确实是他自己的事。他很少去回忆，因为那是挫折与羞辱的起点，所以他记不清那是一九八二年的四月、五月或者六月。他只知道：也许是二月。他的垂直起降喷射战斗机从母舰上起飞之后十四分三十七秒，发射出一枚直接命中阿根廷主力战舰的飞弹，他看不见百哩以外的任何事物，但是电子雷达侦讯系统告诉他：敌人目标已摧毁。可能有数百人正在烈火浓烟和巨浪之间准确地死亡。他在空中稍事停留，向母舰报告自己的位置、时间和战果。他在下一刻调转机头，脑中闪过胜利和灾难两个字眼，但是没有被其中任何一方牵动丝毫的情绪。电子导航系统指示出回航的路线和高度，好让他避过一个小型的暴风区。他小心地绕过该处，一方面也必须尽量缩小绕行的圈子，以节省油料。就在他即将离开的一刻，一连串的意外发生了。 他恐怕永远也搞不清：究竟是在什么时刻产生倒飞错觉的。反而要到事件发生之后四年——也就是一九八六年——七月底，他第一次面对耿坚博士的时候，由耿坚博士告诉他的话比较可靠。“我想，倒飞错觉必然和高度有关，你知道，我们的内耳里有一种小组织，叫做'三半规管'——”耿坚博士说到此处，摇摇手，开始自言自语，“算了，这不重要，如果要说得清楚，至少要三天三夜，他不会有兴趣的，我干嘛费那个事？他只想知道倒飞和海上的浮尸究竟是哪个先出现的。也许他又不一定想知道……安德鲁，你是叫安德鲁罢？”安德鲁苦笑着点头。耿坚博士继续回到原先的话题，判断倒飞错觉发生时安德鲁已经不自觉地把机身拉起，爬升到四万六千呎到五万呎以上的高空。“问题是你为什么要爬升？”耿坚博士说。“的确，”安德鲁的笑容于是消失，“我应该俯冲下去的。海面上有两架直升机的残骸，至少有五十名英国陆战队员在一一死去。有的已经死了不知道有多久——”安德鲁的泪水滚滚流下，耿坚博士拍拍他的肩膀，让他觉得自己在为某桩罪恶进行告解——而这种罪恶却绝不是因为他和艾雪儿偷情所产生的。 早在一九八四年二月十六日，艾雪儿忍不住自责自怨而啜泣不已的时候，安德鲁便同时反省到：人不会因他所犯的任何罪行而哭泣，如果要哭泣，只是因为他根本不知道自己做了什么。 “我根本不知道自己做了什么。”安德鲁说，“我是不是背叛了自己的同胞？那些在海水中一个一个淹死、烧死的陆战队员会不会是因为我的懦弱而送的命？还是我当时并不想逃避，我之所以会拉高机头只是因为我想下去救他们，那么，就是错觉了？或者'错觉'只是我的借口？或者这个'借口'也是错觉？”艾雪儿没有细听他的话，她仍然有一搭没一搭地低声饮泣着，一面低头想着自己的心事——她也有一些类似的懊恼：她不知道自己用奶瓶逗引耿直，害他变成斜视鬼的动机究竟是什么？是想矫治他？还是戏弄他？ “我试了两次，三次，也许四次。”安德鲁说时也想到：或许只有一次，“我低飞下去，几乎要冲入海面，座舱里的警报系统响了，我冲得太急、太快，但是我看得很清楚，那绝对不是错觉，有一大堆尸体，在暴风雨里变成绿色，皮肤上喷出血水——”“不！”艾雪儿叫起来，擦干眼泪，紧紧反搂安德鲁的脖子，说：“不要说了，你让我想起我爸爸。”安德鲁也愣了，他不懂这中间有什么关系，正待要问，却听艾雪儿说道：“他是一个大骗子！——不要说了，来，Fuck me，that's all．”
耿坚博士的假准了，但是研究计划遭到搁置；换言之：他不会有一毛钱的经费。他可以去加勒比海、欧洲、夏威夷或者东亚等任何观光胜地；却不能到东非、印度、中亚等天灾人祸麕集的区域。“学校可以负担你到月球去避暑的一切花费，你绝对够资格。”系主任马丁·克莱恩（一个被南加大踢出来、被耿坚博士推荐婉留以致在此间扶摇直上的黑血病专家）说：“可是你的计划侵犯了别人的领域，这是连街上的野狗都不能忍受的事。或者我该这么说：这不是科学问题，而是人道问题。”耿坚博士本来想提出当年他力保马丁在伊利诺安居落户时曾经很人地道出让了自己的研究领域，转念又觉不妥，便自言自语道：“如果再有一两个病例就好了。至少更清楚一点，会比较有说服力一点。不过老马丁可能还是坚持研究领域的立场，那么我还是弄不到经费，就算有了经费，也是别人的领域，我干嘛费那个事？”这一次他是用中文说的，马丁听不懂，也体谅他这个老毛病，便不计较他了，说：“嘿！耿！轻松一点，好歹你的假期没有问题，沟口刚二可以代你的课，你为什么不好好玩它一玩。”“对！”耿坚博士一兴奋，英文脱口而出，“我去找他。”“谁？”“我岳父。”“你和你的岳父度假？” 岳父非但对度假没兴趣，也对当年他和耿坚博士“爷儿俩谈过的那种什么病毒的研究”失了胃口。他的地皮刚刚炒热，包下了国内一所电信大楼和一栋看守所大厦的建筑工程——二者其实出自同一张设计图，除了电话系统排水管道之外，几乎没什么差别。目前他最想参与的反而是文学书籍的出版——他负责替艾雪儿印诗集、文集、诗文集、全集、抽印集、年选集……拼来拼去，总有人买，于是才深深醒悟：文学真是种“老二事业”——平时看起来小，搞起来就大了。“你那一行的年月过去了。”岳父在电话里反过头来劝他，“你没有想过要改行啊？”“改行？”“是啊。”岳父说得一本正经，“现在流行什么软体、硬体，好像软体会越来越吃香的。我现在盖大楼，当然是硬体。这出版嘛，是个'老二事业'，软软就硬了。听说将来软件饭更好吃，我都想搞搞软件了。”耿坚博士当然不明白岳父的术语的源流，推说“欠学”，岳父当仁不让地喘了大气：“学历有什么用呢？我见的听的干的可有你学的学也学不完了我告诉你！” 耿坚博士还是耐心听了下去，岳父嘉赏他好学，答应向他“'国科会'的朋友”探探口风，“要不是朱部长下台了，说不定他可以想想门道——这老小子弄钱可有一手，又挺赏识你的。”此外，他也考虑用借贷的方式私人帮耿坚博士的忙，利息照算，反正他手里扣着艾雪儿百万字以上的稿件，风险不大。这对耿坚博士来说，已经是天大的恩赐了。“别谢我，你怀里搂着个摇钱树，你不知道么？”耿坚博士望望话筒，再看一眼怀里的小耿直，一时不察，“哦？”了一声。岳父才心满意足地说：“我把你交给雪儿，算是替国家保留了一个研究人才，你好自为之，搞搞软件去罢，嗯？”
一九八四年七月，耿坚博士收到了岳父从香港汇来的一笔钱，足够他环游世界两圈半。岳父另外还寄了封存证信，言明汇款出于借贷，利息四分，按月从艾雪儿的稿费和版税里抽垫偿付。艾雪儿为此大发雷霆，认为耿坚博士涉嫌诈欺，耿坚博士自己其实也搞不懂：什么叫“由艾雪儿女士的、《热欲》、《狂潮》三书年度版税收入中垫付”？艾雪儿愤怒到了极点，发出歇斯底里的尖叫，使歪脖子耿直误以为热水壶又开了，遂想起有一次被波多黎各少女烫伤的旧事，当场大哭起来。 事实上艾雪儿的尖叫中也包含着相当程度的愉悦。因为耿坚博士即将在暑期中只身前往世界各地做公开的度假和暗地的研究，而她则公开并暗地里恢复了单身女郎的生活，她尖叫着想起安德鲁·阿却·汉考克，一发不能停止。耿坚博士从艾雪儿断断续续的嘶叫指控中终于明白了几个重点：第一，“不要以为你的老婆好欺负”；第二，“我艾雪儿现在也是个人物了”；第三，“不管我做什么，你都休想抠我辛辛苦苦赚来的稿费。” 耿坚博士没听出最后一个重点里的前半句其实泄露了艾雪儿非常心虚的故事，只有连声称“好”。当然，艾雪儿也只是说说而已，眼前真正要做的，是帮耿坚博士妥善料理行囊。 然而耿坚博士自己却显得非常茫然——他根本不知道该到什么地方去。七月四号这一天，雷根总统发表国庆演说，强调美国人民应该在全世界的各个角落为自己身为美国人民而感到骄傲，因为他们有责任、有义务，也有荣誉（Pride and Honour）去领导世人迈向和平、避免战祸以及维持成长。耿坚博士跌坐在沙发里，越过七只盛满衣服、日用品和书籍的皮箱，望着屏幕上隆尼