Chapter 23 love is an attitude

The shallow uneasiness became entangled, and he regretted what he said to Jiang Zian on the balcony. Love is something that can't help being reminded, even if it's a joke. I met Jiang Zian a few years ago, on the message board in front of a convenience store in Boston. The message boards in front of all convenience stores are filled with notes with different contents, looking for lost pets, renting houses, seeking marriage and even seeking sex. Partner, convenient for customers in every possible way. Jiang Zian sought a co-tenant because the apartment he was renting was a bit big and he felt financially burdened.It just so happened that Yi Xi was tired of living in a student apartment, and saw Jiang Zian's note. Everyone is a medical student, and they are all from China. It's easy to say, on weekends, Jiang Zian swung her simple luggage on her shoulders, without saying anything. Carrying it over in a nonchalant manner, Yi Xi developed a good impression of this slender and somewhat thin man.

Lonely man and widow plus a foreign country, love is easy to say, after more than ten days, one of the two beds is unemployed, and after a while, the bed is lifted and turned into a study. In the blink of an eye for three years, the majors I studied were left behind, and the topics were mostly entangled in whether to return or not. In fact, staying is also very simple. Jiang Zian didn't want to, and finally said: Yi Xi, I'm going back to China, how about you? The tone is certain, there is no room for discussion. Yi Xi hesitated slightly and said: Then——I'll go back too.She stuffed several invitation letters from American hospitals in her drawer. She heard from her classmates who returned to China earlier that returnee doctors are treated well, not to mention that there is still Jiang Zian in China, so she has no excuses for not going back.

So, they chose city A, which both of them liked. The environment was surrounded by mountains and the sea, and the climate was mild and pleasant. They were busy contacting the hospital in city A, and everything went so smoothly that it made people feel like they lost their fighting spirit. The hospital is first-class in City A. In order to attract overseas returnees, Yixi and Jiang Zi'an received a set of apartment buildings of more than 100 square meters in the seaside community. The community environment is modeled after European style, with good greening and cultural facilities. No worse than America.

On the first night in the new house, Yi Xi hugged the pillow and laughed: Where do you sleep? Jiang Zian was stunned by the question, for several years, he was used to not asking where he was going at night. Yi Xi jumped over and hooked his neck: honey, let's register for marriage. Jiang Zian came to his senses and said: Okay, let's visit both parents first, and then get married. For three years, I seldom said the word love. I slept on the same bed and ate something from a plate. It seemed that the ending was already waiting for me, and I didn’t need language assistance to verify anything.

The houses of Yi Xi and Jiang Zian are in two adjacent buildings, facing each other through the windows. On tired nights, they go back to their respective houses without disturbing each other, and the time is as gentle as water. On occasional mornings, Yi Xi opens his eyes and looks The bed was half empty, and there would be a little loneliness in my heart, so I ran to the balcony in my pajamas, and I saw Jiang Zian in the morning light, with a calm expression and a condensed attitude. Put on a smile. Yi Xi suddenly had the feeling of being in love. During the three years of living together in the United States, after thinking about it, it was like stepping into a marriage without a love process.

Yi Xi would rather like the current feeling, as if she has made up for the lost love process, and a trace of sweetness is crowded in her heart. Both parents have visited each other. In the eyes of each other's parents, a man and a woman have a good degree of education, and they are the best candidates. What is missing is only a marriage certificate. Yi Xi is very calm. She is a sensitive woman. She is sure whether she can love each other White hair has nothing to do with that meager wedding paper. Both of them are attending physicians, and they are usually busy rabbits. It is easy to catch the weekend and get tired of lying in bed, praying that there will be no emergency to spoil this rare leisure.If you are hungry, grab some semi-finished food from the refrigerator and burn it randomly to satisfy your stomach.

Jiang Zi'an chewed cold bread and said: Yi Xi, don't you think this kind of life is boring?Seeing that Yi Xi was stunned for a moment, he laughed mockingly again: the life of a doctor is like a medical device, and he has no right to enjoy the comfort of the world. Yi Xi knew that he was not condemning himself, shuttled between the operating table and the ward for a day, his body was exhausted as if his muscles and bones had been pulled out, and he went straight to the bed in the bedroom after returning home, enjoying a comfortable life, as if it was someone else's business. The two stared at each other in a daze, their eyes full of helplessness.

Only a woman who is not at ease with her boyfriend will go to her boyfriend's workplace again and again. To put it bluntly speaking, a woman who loves her gain and loss is lacking in self-confidence. Yi Xi was confident, so he didn't go to Jiang Zian's ward. I went there that day because of the surprisingly leisurely time, and the sunshine at noon was so good that it hit my face through the window, which reminded Yixi of some warm fragments inexplicably. Yi Xi washed his face, put some lip gloss on his lips, and walked through the long corridor, going downstairs and upstairs, wanting to surprise Jiang Zian.

Going in quietly, Jiang Zian was reading a CT report, his eyes were focused calmly, Yi Xi didn't want to disturb him, looked around, and saw the young and peaceful nurse Wan Ge, in the sunlight in front of the window, with delicate skin , her lips were plump pink, and her watery eyes were fixed somewhere in a trance. Following her line of sight, Yi Xi once again saw Jiang Zian's face, which was so calm and resolute that it was charming. Yi Xi snickered, every industry has its own law of love, and the law of love in a hospital is that nurses love doctors. Once in love, a woman's eyes can speak, making it clear to onlookers.

Yi Xi is not the kind of narrow-minded woman, everyone has the right to love others, the difference is how the loved one responds to this feeling. Yi Xi smiled quietly, without saying a word, the eyes of the three were in a zigzag straight line, until Jiang Zian looked away, put his hands on his forehead and rubbed it a few times, Wan Ge's eyes burned away, Yi Xi called out softly Zi'an. Wan Ge turned his face away, looked at Yi Xi, there was an unconcealable astonishment and embarrassment in his eyes, then, with his face bowed, he hurried out. Yi Xi said: Let's go for a walk.

The two went up to the balcony, leaning on the railing and chatting one after another, Yi Xi teased and said: The little nurse in your ward is very beautiful. Jiang Zian raised his eyelids, and said casually: Really? Hey, is there any little nurse secretly in love with you?Saying that, Yi Xi leaned on his arm, and the scene she saw just now made her a little bit excited, as if the man she occupied was a good tree, and she was a phoenix standing on the branch, finally seeing if she was a match The birds flocked. Jiang Zian smiled: I haven't found out yet, why don't you come over often to inspect and see for me which nurses are interested in me, so that I can save some energy for my love. Yi Xi laughed: You are so beautiful, just now I saw a little nurse staring straight at you.To be honest, Yi Xi has never regarded Wan Ge as a rival in love at all, except for her youthfulness, but how can a young girl who graduated from a nursing school be worthy of her doctor of medicine who is studying in the United States?No matter what you do, only when you meet your opponent will you be interested in continuing. It is the same in love, Wan Ge, whether you are a rival or a lover, you and Jiang Zian will not feel like you are meeting your opponent. From Yi Xi's point of view, if he compares his love with Jiang Zian to a garden, Wan Ge is just a fallen leaf that flies by on the way down, and is destined not to become a flower in the garden. Jiang Zi settled down, and said seriously: Don't make fun of others, if it spreads, it will hurt them. Are you distressed? Jiang Zian was in a hurry, and Yi Xi ran away with a smile. On the way back to the ward, she met Wan Ge again. She glanced at herself timidly, then lowered her head and walked away quickly. Inexplicably, Yi Xi's heart flickered, Throughout the afternoon, recalling the look in Wan Ge's eyes, a little uneasiness became entangled, and he regretted what he said to Jiang Zian on the balcony. Love is something that can't help being reminded, even if it's a joke. In front of Jiang Zian, Yi Xi didn't mention Wan Ge any more, instead it became a hint. Yi Xi somehow understood this truth. It's just that, at noon, I often make internal calls to ask Jiang Zian to go to the restaurant for dinner. Jiang Zian may not be able to come when he is busy. When the call arrives, his heart will also arrive. Yi Xi gradually discovered that Jiang Zian began to have a slight contempt for the food in the hospital restaurant. On weekends, Yi Xi dragged semi-finished food from the refrigerator and brought it to the table. Although he didn't say anything, there was a deep tiredness on his face. Almost, before, he could chew the cold bread into a very attractive state. Yi Xi made up his mind to go to the bookstore to buy a batch of recipes and practice them according to the order. At the end of the practice, he had no choice but to throw the shovel in frustration, and said to Jiang Zian, who was at the door of the kitchen with his arms folded: In this life, I have no appointment with the God of Cooking. Jiang Zian smiled faintly, and said: It's not just another day. It looks like there's more to it than words. Yi Xi sighed: Wait until another day to hire a domestic worker who can cook. Jiang Zian was already watching TV, his attitude was so ambiguous that he could not comment. On weekends, Yi Xi was the doctor on duty and had few patients. He was bored until noon. Knowing that Jiang Zian was working overtime to study a difficult pathology, he went to him. Before he opened the door, he heard the lively laughter and Jiang Zian's voice. : How can it be so delicious?Be careful if you feed me into a fat man, I will settle accounts with you. If you like it, I will burn it for you every day.It's Wan Ge, with a low voice like a baby's shyness. There was a small moment of silence inside, which was a bit embarrassingly quiet. Yi Xi raised his hand and couldn't put it down for a long time. Jiang Zian became picky about eating. It was because of this that the sweet and sour carp fragrance wafted out from the crack in the door, and it reached Yi Xi's heart all the way. He ran out, turned around in a hurry, and fled. After get off work, Yi Xi went to the supermarket to buy carp, followed the recipe, and burned it in tears in the kitchen. A whole fish had been ruined beyond recognition. Jiang Zian came back, looked at the fish on the table, and smiled. Yi Xi poured two glasses of wine, said calmly: I will burn the more the better. Jiang Zian took a sip of his wine: Forget it, let's eat at a restaurant to save energy. If you get fat from eating at a restaurant, who do you ask to settle the bill? Jiang Zian was stunned, looking at her, holding the wine glass in his hand, not drinking or not being embarrassed, Yi Xi turned his face: Wan Ge specially cooked so many delicacies for you, what will you get in return other than love? Her affection? The wine glass was placed heavily on the table, Jiang Zian picked up his coat and left, the burnt fish was scattered on the plate, just like Yi Xi's mood. One night, Yixi's eyes were open, his ears pricked up, and he was hopelessly quiet. The morning light covered the curtains, and Yi Xi heard the sound of a car starting downstairs. Usually, when Jiang Zian didn't sleep here, he would greet her on the balcony, and then go downstairs to start the car and wait for her. Not today, Yi Xi still quickly dressed and washed his face as usual, and rushed downstairs. Jiang Zian sat in the car with the door on one side open, and sat in silently. The car slid out of the community without a sound. Xi silently counted one, two, three, four in his heart. For four years, the 30-year-old Yi Xi didn't have much youth to give up unscrupulously. After entering the hospital and parking the car, Yi Xi said softly: Zi'an... I don't know what to say next, bowing down to anyone is not Yi Xi's style of life, he is used to doing his own way and being admired and admired by others. Jiang Zian was a little haggard: at noon, I will wait for you to eat in the restaurant. Yi Xi nodded his head heavily, as if this sentence carried all the promises. They started eating together in the hospital cafeteria again as if nothing had happened. After a week of calm and calm, at noon, Yi Xi was waiting for Jiang Zian in the restaurant. The restaurant became bustling with people, and the number of people gradually decreased. Yi Xi didn't wait to come to Jiang Zian, because Wan Ge cut his wrist and attempted suicide, and was being rescued in the courtyard. Yi Xi ran over to look, Wan Ge who was lying in the ward looked fine, he didn't seem to have lost too much blood, his vast eyes opened slightly, and when he saw Jin Yi Xi coming in, he closed them, Jiang Zian sat down on the side of the bed , haggard and anxious to the point where his own life was hanging by a thread. He looked up at Yi Xi, then lowered his head again. At that time, he didn't want to hide any traces in front of Yi Xi, nor did he want to explain anything. Yi Xi knew that Wan Ge was alive, but his love with Jiang Zian was dead.She said to Jiang Zian: Can I talk to Wan Ge alone for a while? When Jiang Zian walked to the door, he turned his head again, wanting to tell him something, but seeing Yi Xi's broken eyes, he swallowed it back. Yi Xi tried his best not to panic: life is so beautiful, why do you refuse to enjoy the process of life in this way?For Jiang Zian? For no one, I just suddenly felt hopeless. Is it because Jiang Zian accompanied me to have lunch at the restaurant last week? Opening the eyes, the eyes will betray the dodging and devious heart, so Wan Ge keeps his eyes closed, and Yi Xi sighs in his heart how clever this little girl is, a woman who is determined to die, she will not let others find her, No one will be able to save her. After all, this is just her way of asking for love. Yi Xi said: Don't worry, I won't let Jiang Zian accompany me to lunch anymore, you can cook for him every day, and let him gain weight happily. Wan Ge didn't move, tears rolled out of the closed eyes, Yi Xi got up and left, outside the ward, passing by Jiang Zian, said: Don't say sorry to me, she can love you with her life, I can't, and , she is more suitable to be a wife than me. Behind him, Jiang Zian said thank you in a low voice. Yi Xi keeps her head up. At least, she can’t shed tears when others can see it. This is her habit. Sadness can only be lost. She just lost to self-confidence, not an abandoned woman who shed tears in front of others to invite sympathy. , are all things other than love, she is wrong because she attributes all this to one of the necessary weights for the balance of love. Perhaps, Jiang Zi'an is not bad at expressing love, but that love never existed between them. The similar married life in the United States is like two lonely strangers riding a bus together. , the people and things during the journey should flash into the past tense.