Chapter 18 love fell asleep

It was an unusually cold winter, and I was afraid of the cold. Zhou Xiaotian knew that he didn't come out to chase me because he wanted to leave a free day for me to create surprises for me: a ring, and a warm Christmas . Then, he fell asleep with the warmth of happiness in his arms. I was the woman sleeping in his heart, but, Zhou Xiaotian, why didn't you tell me? Finally, I met Zhou Xiaotian. Although I was familiar with each other, I heard about it from Lan Xin. I don’t know if the relationship between them is considered love, whether it’s love or entanglement, anyway, I’m enduring it. Not willing to be seen easily.

When Lan Xin publicized a certain proud love history, I would know that there was a man named Zhou Xiaotian who indulged her with many unreasonable hobbies because of love. This man named Zhou Xiaotian is not a treasure that Lan Xin refuses to show to others easily, but, as Lan Xin said: "It's just a game between two people, why do you want to make everyone know that you have lost your innocence? " Lan Xin is such a woman who can clearly distinguish between games and reality. The real man has not appeared, and she is unwilling to waste her beautiful youth. , is also private.

This time, I went to see Zhou Xiaotian as a love clearer. On the weekend morning, Lan Xin threw herself on my sofa and said, "Ding Dong, you have to help me, for my happiness, you must help." I jumped on the bed, pulled the blanket over my head and continued to sleep. Since high school, Lan Xin has been making troubles, moving forward bravely like a fearless child, and then leaving behind a mess that needs to be cleaned up by others forever. Every love at the beginning seems to be overdrawing her life, but she gets bored quickly, and makes up excuses for breaking up one after another that she doesn't believe, but she herself thinks is seamless.

When her ready-to-use lies couldn't get rid of her exhausted love but was chased by men with nowhere to escape, I became her last shield to stop the old love lingering in another person's heart. Being dragged around by her, I couldn't bear it, so I shouted through the blanket: "You tell him directly, if he doesn't believe it, just ask him to call me." Every time Blue Heart fails to kill the old love, the final trump card is to drag me to pretend to be gay, and let me be a man. After listening to it, I don’t want to run away, how can I do it? "Ah bah! If you can get rid of him by talking about it, why should I drag you?!"

I had no choice but to give up sleeping in, wash my face, and put on the outfit that Lan Xin had prepared for a long time—the original white casual clothes, a very neutral style, which was slightly loose and loose on my body. In Lan Xin's homosexual lies, she always I play the male role, but the fact is that I have a feminine heart and eyes like still water. On the way there, my face was gloomy, and I was so tired of Lan Xin's games. In front of a heartbroken man, I sternly condemned and even turned into righteous indignation, telling him that I love Lan Xin, and that Lan Xin only loves women, and They are just a game of occasional adjustments.

My behavior is a sharp weapon in a man's chest. This is not the result they want, but it is the end of Lan Xin. We always cooperate seamlessly. She has always been like this, obsessed with love, and plausibly declared that love is the only pleasure in a woman's life, and its meaning lies in the process rather than the ending. So if she wants to keep falling in love and make the man who fell in love with her tear up, who can stop it?She is such a beautiful woman, as enchanting as a flower under the summer sun, with a posture in full bloom. In front of her, I am just an ordinary green leaf, which must be used as a foil to make the beauty look more beautiful.

Along the way, Lan Xin kept making promises and sent Zhou Xiaotian away. She invited me to eat red house steak and the biggest ice cream. Even without love, food always makes me happy. However, now, I am getting more and more unhappy. I hate lies, because Lan Xin has to be insincere and lie with lies again and again, and even accept the stabbing of contemptuous and hostile eyes. How can people not look down on such a surly hobby?What's more, this surly hobby is homosexuality. In front of Zhou Xiaotian's gate, I stopped, stood still, and said in a decisive tone: "Lan Xin, you have to swear that this is the last time."

Under the morning sun, Lan Xin squinted her vast eyes, raised her slender white fingers, and said with a smile, "I swear." I sighed in my heart, knowing that the oath was just a formality, if she could change it, Blue Heart would not be her name. Lan Xin went to ring Zhou Xiaotian's doorbell, and I stood on the side wall, looking at the dark green anti-theft door without making a sound, slowly opened it, and then, as if sucked by a huge suction, Lan Xin's body was sucked into the door. Then, I heard her screaming defense: "Zhou Xiaotian, I've told you ten thousand times, we broke up!"

I stamped my feet and rushed over, just wanting to end all this in the shortest possible time: "Let her go, Lan Xin is mine." The struggle and debate inside the door stopped abruptly, the door was opened wide, and I saw Zhou Xiaotian, his face was slightly dark, with a slightly metallic texture, and there was a flash of coldness in his eyes: "Who are you?" He stood tall and condescending in front of me, my heart began to tremble: "Lan Xin loves me, she doesn't like men." He remained calm: "Really?" "Yes, with you, she is just curious about men."

The three people inside the door gradually started to confront each other. Zhou Xiaotian sat on the sofa and looked at Lan Xin with sad eyes. I also looked at Lan Xin: "Lan Xin, I won't force you, you can choose for yourself." .” At that moment, I would rather Lan Xin really said: "Oh, I think I still love Zhou Xiaotian." Being tired of acting for her is only one aspect, because Zhou Xiaotian is the most exciting man I have ever seen, with a calm expression and a somewhat cruel face, he can easily catch girls heart of. In the deadlocked silence, there was a moment of trance, I thought, I am envious of Lan Xin, and then, waves of sadness covered my heart, if I were given a man like this to love, even if I was beaten If I die, I don't even want to leave.

"Did you come with Lan Xin or followed her?" "Is there any difference between the former and the latter?" I tried my best to suppress the external power. "If it's the former, I'll give up. If it's the latter, then you forced Lan Xin to break up. It's you, not me, who should quit." I was really in a daze, how could Lan Xin think of giving up on such a good man?Slowly, I didn't answer, I wanted to use this moment of paleness to give Lan Xin a room to maneuver. Lan Xin was silent, unfolding her bag in front of the coffee table in the living room, and took out things one by one, exquisite and beautiful little gifts, very warm colors, that is the color of the beginning of love, and it withers before it fades . Zhou Xiaotian's eyes fixed on Lan Xin's beautiful and slender fingers, the muscles on his cheeks swelled and then fell, his face was cruelly tolerant, very simple anger, he didn't want to lose this charming woman named Lan Xin. I know that there are some things that I don't need to explain. Those love tokens that are silently sad on the table have already made it clear for me. No one spoke anymore. After we left, I heard the crackling sound of things falling to the ground inside the door, whizzing brokenly and sharply in my heart, and rang all the way.And Lan Xin had already bought the biggest serving of ice cream, held it in front of her, and said heartlessly, "Come on, fill your stomach with ice cream first, and I'll send you away later by ordering a small steak." .” I didn't have any appetite. Seeing her eating in a mess, I finally couldn't hold back: "Lan Xin, you sure don't regret it?" Lan Xin blinked her bright eyes, and her long eyelashes under the sun cast a vast shadow. The vivid lake blue color is really beautiful, so fascinating. "I should congratulate you for not losing the whole forest for one tree." I have nothing to say. The five-month and eleven-day love between Zhou Xiaotian and Lan Xin came to an end, because Zhou Xiaotian urged Lan Xin to marry him quickly. A 30-year-old man, when the woman he likes comes, he longs for the result rather than the process of love. Thirteen-year-old Lan Xin is lonely and different. No one can deny that most of the time, desire and life are trains running in opposite directions on two tracks, such as Zhou Xiaotian and Lan Xin. It's not Lan Xin's character to compromise with other people's wishes. She has always been like this. She is not a bad woman, but she prefers to live her own life. Her favorite sentence is: "Life can only last for 30,000 years. God, why should I live for someone else?" In this world, there are always some people who want to live after their own happiness, while there are always others who want to pay for the wish of others. The latter is far away from happiness, but close to the pain of the heart. I used to think that Zhou Xiaotian was just a symbol of a certain stage in Lan Xin's life. To me, he was like a flasher on the Internet. At a certain moment, he flashed through my life. From then on, the two have nothing to do with each other. It is not. I saw Zhou Xiaotian again, half a year later, in the reception room of our company, I was sorting out customer information on the computer, and I heard the supervisor shout: "Ding Dang, a customer came to visit our printing equipment in the afternoon, I have something to go out, you are in charge of reception .” I said yes. At that time, I didn't know that this client was Zhou Xiaotian. Seeing Zhou Xiaotian, my first desire was to escape, the sooner the better, but it was too late, Zhou Xiaotian had already called out my name: "Hey——, should I call you Miss Dingdang or Mr. Dingdang?" In an instant, my heart panicked, and I had the urge to run out of tears. Fortunately, there was no one else in the reception room. I walked over and said in a reserved voice, "Mr. Zhou, except for the moment when I went to your house, I have always been Miss Ding Dong." He laughed, and then sadly: "Actually, from the first moment I saw you, I understood that the so-called homosexuality is just a lie to get rid of me." I said sorry in a low voice, but he was dumbfounded for a long time, then sighed... Put the printing equipment sample in front of him, and then, look at your fingers, look at every corner of the reception room that is so familiar. Zhou Xiaotian's eyes followed me, he didn't look at the printed sample, he smiled slightly, and was bitten between his lips and teeth. I took him to the exhibition hall to look at the samples. The world is always like this, which is very different from imagination. In an inadvertent moment, so many things that should be far away come back to the front. This unexpected meeting, embarrassment is the only feeling I feel, and a little shame, I don't know how to explain some explanations, so I can only say nothing. When halfway through the prototype, Zhou Xiaotian suddenly said, "Could it be that your company's prototype can speak by itself?" I turned around: "What do you mean?" He smiled, with a clean expression, no ulterior motives or revenge: "Miss Dingdang, you should explain to me the performance of each prototype, right?" I smiled ashamedly, and walked ahead, pointing at each machine and talking endlessly, as long as I don't do the embarrassing scene before, my lips and teeth will be crisp and sharp. After seeing the prototype, Zhou Xiaotian didn't leave the company in a hurry, but sat in the reception room, flipping through newspapers and magazines. Every customer is the company's god of wealth, please wait before it's too late, of course no one interferes. I don't know what Zhou Xiaotian's intentions are, but that afternoon, I was restless, and when I typed up the summary materials, I made frequent mistakes, a thousand words, and I didn't finish it for most of the afternoon. After get off work, I picked up my bag and rushed out of the company. When passing by the reception room, I was like a rabbit trying to escape the gun of a hunter. Zhou Xiaotian gave up the mountain of newspapers and magazines at the fastest speed, chased him out, and I saw it out of the corner of my eye. On the street at dusk, there was a woman walking fast on the street, followed closely by a man, very much like a triad boss in a Hong Kong TV drama chasing a poor rascal who evaded repaying the usury, which was very eye-catching. At a street corner with few pedestrians, Zhou Xiaotian grabbed my arm: "Am I really that scary?" I tried to break free, but I didn't have enough strength: "Zhou Xiaotian, let me go, I have already told you too modestly about pretending to be gay, and besides, it has nothing to do with me that Lan Xin doesn't love you anymore." "Oh, you're thinking too much, I just want to treat you to dinner." I tried to be brave, and raised my head to catch his gaze, but it didn't work out, my eyes were not as sharp as his, and soon they were like a drop of water under the scorching sun, transpiring and erratic, and my heart was beating like a gallop. Zhou Xiaotian's tone softened: "Just one dinner." In fact, under his sharp gaze, all my resistance is just a form of doing it for myself and for him. Those who refuse have no confidence, because I like him, from the first time we met. Did Zhou Xiaotian feel it?I don't know, but when he let go, he opened his palm and smiled: "You sweat so hard." There were blushing marks on my face, like a seasick person on a roller coaster. The dinner was silent, he told me to listen, occasionally, Lan Xin's name popped out from his lips, and then he asked: "What's wrong with Lan Xin?" I said: "She is very happy. Making a lot of money and being in love has always been her hobby. A woman who pursues will never be lonely or distressed." After finishing this series of words, my face became hot, why did I say this to Zhou Xiaotian?In fact, Lan Xin's happiness is Lan Xin's distress, because she is always choosing between catching and throwing away. Falling into a cycle of choices is eternal distress, and everyone who has experienced it knows it. When I said Lan Xin, Zhou Xiaotian didn't speak, the way he looked at me quietly always made me want to cry, he still misses her. I like this man with silent lips and teeth, but it's just that there are so many past and future lives that have nothing to do with me but have been witnessed by me, and I know that it is impossible for me to cross the past. Love always comes inadvertently, as long as a moment, the heart will open like a flower. With the blue checked tablecloth separating our bodies, is there any flower blooming in Zhou Xiaotian's heart?I don't know, in the restaurant with soft music, did he hear the sound of flowers blooming, whirling gently? In the end, Zhou Xiaotian sent me home, the melancholy moonlight shone on the garden downstairs, and the small roses crowded together quietly, all the way fragrantly and charmingly squeezing into my heart. I said, "Zhou Xiaotian, goodbye." Zhou Xiaotian threw away the cigarette butt and waved his hand: "Goodbye." Under the moonlight, his demeanor when he turned around was calm and resolute. When going up the stairs, I quietly said to myself: "Zhou Xiaotian, goodbye..." Zhou Xiaotian couldn't hear it. At that time, I suddenly understood one thing, a heart growing with love is unwilling to be lonely, there is always so much happiness, I can’t wait to share it with others, but my love, no one can share it, because , This is my love alone; because Zhou Xiaotian is speechless; because Zhou Xiaotian is the old love abandoned by Lan Xin, women are vain by nature, and so am I. Falling in love with an old love abandoned by a girlfriend is as timid as picking up cigarette butts discarded by others at a feast. It turned out to be so lonely to fall in love with someone secretly. I sat on the balcony, savoring the night slowly like tasting wine, and kept flipping through the phone's address book, but I couldn't find anyone to call. Zhou Xiaotian never called me, he was always at the door of the company, looking at me with eyes full of loneliness.I have been watching it all the time, and my heart is soft, and I slowly walked to his side. He always asks some irrelevant topics over and over again, how old are you, Ding Dong?Ding Dong why are you so cute?Why is Ding Dong so happy today... I looked at him and ate a little carefully. When we were together, we mostly ate. When I didn’t want to talk or when my heart was sore, I kept eating. Occasionally, he would get drunk and drunk. He whispered in my ear, his warm breath wafting through his hair, with the slight smell of alcohol. He didn't talk about love, so I had no choice but to keep silent. I never learned to take the initiative to tell a man that I love you.Even though I knew that when I thought of his name, I would feel distressed, but I still bit my heart, waiting for him to say that he loves me, or we give up speechlessly. On weekends or nights, if there is no date, Lan Xin will come to see me. She is lying on my bed with a teddy bear in her arms. Jealousy grew wildly in my heart. Zhou Xiaotian loves her so much, but she still throws it away like a shoe. About Zhou Xiaotian, I never mentioned it to her, it was my own secret, and she never mentioned it, as if, regarding this Zhou Xiaotian's name, she never lived her life. When Lan Xin is happy, she will tell me about her current boyfriend, who is from southern Africa. His skin is like brown-black satin, smooth and charming, and his eyes are like shining diamonds. I said, "Lan Xin, are you going to marry in Africa?" Lan Xin stared at me, pursing her sexy red lips: "Cut! I'm not that stupid, am I? Over there, a man can marry four wives. This is called true love experience, understand?" I laughed, but my heart was gloomy. There are always some people who can overturn the game in the palm of their hands, but I can't. Zhou Xiaotian said that whenever he sees me, he will think of Lan Xin's appearance, because I am often with Lan Xin, and I have her breath on me. I watched him smile peacefully, the wound in my heart opened up, and when I saw me, I thought of Lan Xin, the loneliness and sadness made him indulge in getting drunk. In front of him, I was just a bridge leading to his old love. I like the drunk Zhou Xiaotian, with his tall body staggering on my shoulders, he went to the street to stop the car, and sent him upstairs. He threw his body on the bed, and then tightly held my hand: "You Don't go, you don't know how lonely a drunk person is." How could I not know?I am always slightly drunk on the balcony alone, trying to hide all the heartbreak with alcohol, but every time I am awakened by alcohol to more details, they are like frozen film, with more vivid clarity, one frame Walking past the eyes one by one. Alcohol made him fall asleep quickly, sitting on the edge of the bed, I asked softly: "Zhou Xiaotian, do you love me at all?" The drunk Zhou Xiaotian didn't answer. I leaned on his face and gently stroked his face with my eyelashes. Every time he was drunk, I always did this. The doubtful question was mixed with despair: "Zhou Xiaotian, Do you love me at all?" That time, I fell on his drunken body, weeping softly, and slowly, I put a pair of arms around my waist.Slowly tightening, slowly, as if trying to squeeze into the body, I looked at Zhou Xiaotian, his eyes were wide open, motionless, letting my tears slide down my cheeks one by one. I shyly turned my head away. This time, he was not drunk enough, which made me so grateful. It has been a long time, and my sleep has not been as sweet as this night. I love Zhou Xiaotian. Later, I occasionally went back to the rented hut to pick up seasonal clothes, a few favorite books, DVDs, and small things. After get off work every day, I bought Zhou Xiaotian's favorite food, and carrying them was like carrying heavy happiness. Zhou Xiaotian's small bed is always half empty, because I curl up in his arms every night, and occasionally when I wake up late at night, I will see his eyes, like stars in the dark night, shining in the darkness, fixed on my face superior. I covered it with my hand, his staring eyes always made me shy. He took my hand away: "Ding Dong, how does it feel to love someone?" "When you think of him, your heart will hurt a little. Even if he loves you again, you will have the panic of worrying about gains and losses." He said oh and hugged me tighter. I sniffed his nose and asked, "Zhou Xiaotian, do you feel this way when you're with me?" Zhou Xiaotian smiled without saying a word, he is always like this, with a smile to resist all my doubts into the past tense. Lan Xin didn't look for me. It's been a while. I don't know if her African boyfriend still makes her face excited. Useful, he was born in the far and strange southern Africa. With Zhou Xiaotian, whenever I think of Lan Xin, my heart will be flustered, if Lan Xin knows, how will she look at me, what kind of sneer will she make, jumping from her red lips that never hide her heart Come out, lightly stabbing my fragile self-esteem? In fact, most of the time, what makes women turn against each other is not only money interests and love, but also self-esteem. Because of Zhou Xiaotian, Lan Xin is the woman I don't want to see again for the rest of my life, at least, I don't take the initiative to create opportunities to meet. This winter is surprisingly cold. The streets of the city are covered with ups and downs of white, and there are tiny snowflakes flying. We rarely go to the streets. Zhou Xiaotian’s house is not yet heated, and the low temperature always prevents the air conditioner from starting. She has always been a woman who is afraid of the cold. Zhou Xiaotian knew it. Not long after the winter began, he moved all the TV and DVD players into the bedroom. We hugged each other and watched TV and DVDs under a soft blanket. It is boundless tenderness. The love life is peaceful and peaceful. If I am sure that I can embrace like this forever, I would rather live in a house without heating with my beloved Zhou Xiaotian for the rest of my life, and remove the air conditioner and throw it away. Wrapped in Zhou Xiaotian's arms, he walked step by step to Christmas Eve. That night, Zhou Xiaotian who was watching TV suddenly asked, "Ding Dong, what Christmas gift do you want?" A warm smile rippling on the corner of his mouth, I drilled into his arms, what I want, I can’t say, he should understand, a ring is wrapped around the left and right ring fingers, no matter what texture, as long as it can promise love, It's enough to represent an ending. Lan Xin's phone rang on Christmas Eve, I stared blankly at the phone and didn't answer it for a long time. Zhou Xiaotian took a look at it, pressed the answer button, and stuffed it into my ear: "She is your friend, tell her Merry Christmas." His voice was so loud that it was impossible for Lan Xin not to hear it. The story I was trying to hide was suddenly exposed by Zhou Xiaotian in front of Lan Xin, and I couldn't stop talking. Before she could speak, Lan Xin said flatly, "You and Zhou Xiaotian are together." This is the second time, I heard Lan Xin say the word Zhou Xiaotian, with low doubts and disdainful rejection, I said: "Yes, Lan Xin, Merry Christmas." Then, reel in the line as if flying. Flying tears fell down, Zhou Xiaotian was smoking, smoking hard, in his eyes, a kind of petals were slowly opening, it was the pain of old injuries and chronic illnesses. I said: "Zhou Xiaotian, if you can't let go of Lan Xin, please, definitely tell me..." "Who is Lan Xin?" He wanted to make a cynical expression, trying to give me a hug. On the front of his clothes, there is a faint smell of tobacco, which smells so good, they rushed over, reminding me of what Zhou Xiaotian once said, that I have the breath of blue heart. Heartbroken, I suddenly pushed him away: "Zhou Xiaotian, you don't need to deny it." At this moment, there is a name lingering in each other's hearts: Lan Xin, as soon as she speaks, she will jump out and stab us. Although we try our best to deny it, we can't get rid of the fact that this name called Lan Xin used to be His old love my old friend. Silence weighed heavily on my heart, suffocating. I opened the door and said, "Zhou Xiaotian, I want to go home tonight." Zhou Xiaotian looked at me and smiled: "Do you want me to see you off?" I said, "No." My heart has fallen into the abyss, how much I thought, Zhou Xiaotian rushed over, closed the door I wanted to escape, and pulled himself into his arms: "Ding Dong, I want you to stay." Even if he doesn't say he loves me, it's fine. But, Zhou Xiaotian, what a simple sentence, why?you do not say? On the cold and windy street, with tears rolling down my face, I tried my best not to plead my heart in front of Zhou Xiaotian, trying to force him to forget with silence, but the fact is that she has been sleeping silently in Zhou Xiaotian's heart, and he never said love Me, that's because his love has always been sleeping in his heart alone. I sat on the unenclosed winter balcony, drank a glass of wine slowly, and then said to the sky: "Zhou Xiaotian, why haven't you forgotten? Why did I meet you." No one answered me, and then, I learned about love. On the long road of human growth, we always have to go through some fruitless love. We go around and around, but we can’t get around. Let some beautiful pains become open wounds in my heart. When I took my mobile phone out of my bag, I heard a lonely sound, and a coin rolled down on the floor. I looked at it, and it sounded far away. Rolled to the distance, crossed a huge circle, rolled back, exhausted The ground jumped a few times and lay down at his feet. Perhaps, this is the trace of love. Going away and coming back are all deterministic. It shouldn't be, and chasing is in vain. It should be mine, and I will return. Sleepless all night, mobile phone next to the pillow, lonely all night. The slanting Christmas sun shone on the bed, and the silence of this night foreshadowed the end of Zhou Xiaotian and me. During the day, everyone is happy. I listen to them planning their happy destination tonight. The mobile phone is placed on the table and has not rang for a whole day. In fact, I am really unwilling. Because, I love Zhou Xiaotian. As dusk approached, the people around me gradually dispersed in the direction of happiness. I picked up my phone and pressed a series of numbers one after another. The ringing bell dragged its long tail, and it sounded so lonely, like my tears, lonely under the pale fluorescent tube. I said to the ringer: "Zhou Xiaotian, why didn't you answer the phone?!" Two days later, I found out about Zhou Xiaotian, it wasn't that he didn't answer, but that he couldn't. A policeman called me and said, "Excuse me, are you Zhou Xiaotian's girlfriend?" I said yes, and then I started to panic, panicking with nowhere to hide. They were waiting for me at Zhou Xiaotian's house. Zhou Xiaotian was sitting on the sofa with a peaceful face, a smile on his lips, holding the remote control with one hand, and a beautiful satin box with the other. In front of him was a gas heating stove. I hugged his neck, licked his face and said, "Little Tian, ​​why are you sleeping on the sofa?" Zhou Xiaotian didn't answer me, I shook him: "Zhou Xiaotian, I don't allow you to scare me." The box fell from his hand, and two bright rings, shining like sharp blades, rolled down to my feet. One of them is worn on the finger, so suitable: "Xiaotian, when did you steal the measurement of my finger circumference?" Zhou Xiaotian still didn't answer. I said: "Zhou Xiaotian, you are not allowed to pretend to be a fool to lie to me." Zhou Xiaotian leaned on my shoulder as if he was drunk. Later, a policewoman put her hand on my shoulder: "He shouldn't install the gas heater by himself. He fell asleep, and the gas kept leaking." It was an unusually cold winter, and I was afraid of the cold. Zhou Xiaotian knew that he didn't come out to chase me because he wanted to leave a free day for me to create surprises for me: a ring, and a warm Christmas . Then, he fell asleep with the warmth of happiness in his arms. I was the woman sleeping in his heart, but, Zhou Xiaotian, why didn't you tell me?But, Zhou Xiaotian, why don't you tell me?