Chapter 15 love is hunting

"If you compare a man with a car, and God allows you to take a car from the dealership, among BMWs, Santanas, and other bad cars, would you give up BMWs and Mercedes?" My parents, with mottled white hair, confronted each other like two heads of swords and swords. They were always arguing harshly, which made me suspect that I was just the product of their animal desires, not the sweet fruit of love. They started arguing with all kinds of excuses, and in the end it turned into a quarrel about money. From them, the people in the entire residential building have verified the saying that poor and lowly couples mourn for everything.

I am so tired of the days of low self-esteem. In the spring of 23 years old, when the war broke out between them again, I stood on the street, and the future was clearer than ever: Humans are animals of desire, and even the perfect relationship cannot stand poor and lowly love. polished. Only diamond-studded feelings can withstand the polishing of life. The climate in Qingdao is pleasant. In spring and autumn, the wind from the sea makes people run around the streets annoyingly like a lunatic. A taxi pulls my belongings and leaves home. The rented house is not big. I like it facing the sea and the mountains .

On weekends and nights alone, I watch DVDs and go shopping, go to the company of friends or classmates to play, and go to various gatherings and noble clubs. The small house is comfortable and warm, but these things cannot attract my wandering feet for the time being. In today's media age, I don't believe that the Prince of Diamonds would drive a BMW in the narrow streets and alleys looking for an unknown Cinderella. My love, I would rather cry in a BMW car than laugh under the overpass. Life is long, and love will always be indifferent to life. When love fades, the former can still satisfy vanity and material desires with BMW, while the latter, only coldness remains The wind pierces the heart, the same process has different endings, why reject the former?

Beautiful dresses with high quality and exquisite workmanship exhausted my modest salary. They are my crystal shoes, and I wear them to shuttle among many men and run towards Cinderella's dream. From spring to winter, I rubbed shoulders with men again and again. I raised the corners of my eyes slightly, measured them with my own ruler, and then stayed away without even taking a short break. I am beautiful and elegant. In the eyes of others, my life is wonderful, but no one can see the desolation in my heart. Xin Zhou is very handsome, he has a good figure and temperament. He is a model. We met three times. The third time was when Regent held a winter fashion show.He walked the show and I watched the show. We met in the lobby. He stood in front of me with folded arms and said, "Two strangers met three times in different places. It cannot be said that it was not fate."

If it was very ambiguous, I pursed my lips, looked up at him, and smiled reservedly. He is a man so handsome that people can't help feeling excited, but, just, his career as a prop for gorgeous clothes still makes me look down: "Fate It is not allowed to be used indiscriminately, sometimes, the listener will misunderstand." "you will not." "How did you see it?" "Your eyes are calm, full of scrutiny, and you understand what you want." I laughed, he is a smart man who knows how to get close to the girl with his body and keep a distance in his heart, just like me, I don’t say love easily, not because the word is sacred, but to prevent it from carrying promises that cannot be fulfilled.

Under the eaves of the hotel corridor, he stopped my hand to call the car: "It's cold, how about having a cup of hot coffee together?" Together with Xin Zhou, like two hedgehogs who are afraid of the cold, they carefully move closer together to keep warm, close to each other, but far away from each other. Xinzhou rented a house with good supporting facilities, heating, and 24-hour hot water supply. I ran to his bed again and again, and while burrowing into his broad arms, I said, "Oh, my house has no heating. The cold has come to you." Xin Zhou hugged me, and when he was not talking, he opened his mouth and breathed hot air at me. Outside the room, there was the faint sound of the cold wind running suddenly, and the bed was warm and moist, which made people yearn for it.

I raised my face: "Xin Zhou, tell me about your ideal." He looked at me intently: "Build a branded clothing company as famous as Playboy or Pierre Cardin." An ideal that is too far away is like a mirage: "Okay, remember to develop women's clothing, and give me an internal supply price." He grabbed the tip of my nose: "Greedy little thing, I will let you wear it for free." "Free? At that time, there will be two people who will not agree, your wife and my husband." After I finished speaking, I jumped up with a smile, his arms were like a warm swamp, and I couldn't help being slid towards each other's hearts, not my wish, On the way to your dreams, some other people's wishes must be ignored.

Xin Zhou looked at me with unruly eyes and smiled: "What? I'm going to scare you away, it's just a joke." When we have nothing to say, we watch TV in silence. It’s great to live in modern times. There are so many things that can be used as props to cover up. In a flash, embarrassment becomes a thing of the past. After that, we rarely When it comes to the distant future, life is so long, many things cannot withstand design, I only want to grasp the present. We never go to the street together. When we are hungry at night, we would rather eat fried eggs and instant noodles than go out to eat together. In public places, even if we meet, we will pass by with a relatively indifferent smile, just like an old couple who have never been close Classmates, inadvertently rubbing shoulders.

Sometimes, Xin Zhou joked that we were very much like underground workers during the Anti-Japanese War, indifferent in front of others, but inextricably linked behind us. To put it bluntly, it's more like cheating. However, a combination used to keep warm has never expected the result. It has been publicized as a history for people to talk about. It is just a rabbit and a pheasant before hunting a beast, not the ultimate goal. Xinzhou spends most of his time on catwalks, between cities, and when he comes back, he will bring me some small things with brands from other places, which I like. Men know what a girl likes and what it means to welcome it, I understand, so, the superficial likes never faded, I began to investigate their market value, Xin Zhou refused to tell them, and they were quietly scattered on the coffee table , a very conspicuous position, Xin Zhou looked at them with sharp pain in his eyes, very hurt.

After being injured several times, Xin Zhou no longer brought gifts back. I don't want these things attached to his mind to change the nature of our relationship-just keep warm. The era of nouveau riche has become history, and the era of Confucian businessmen is coming. Hanging out in high-end clubs has allowed me to accurately see the family background behind men from their clothes and conversations. I shuttle around them like a butterfly, and more, like The hunter with sharp eyesight spread out his net calmly. Sometimes, hunters will become prey, and some will be hunted by others, because they are pierced by the desire jumping in their eyes, they are like greedy eaters, they use their rich social status and marriage as bait, and they are caught The fish are just table snacks. In order to taste different flavors of snacks, they are not willing to promise the table of marriage to a certain woman easily.

Every time I was hunted, I was sad, with broken self-esteem, I fled all the way into Xin Zhou's arms, weeping silently in his broad arms, he didn't ask why and didn't comfort him, the fingers that touched his face became colder and colder, Accompanied by a slight trembling. His heart hurts very much at the moment, but it is not the port where I will berth. Being stubborn to the end is the reason why I keep getting hurt but I don’t want to turn back. Spring is coming in a blink of an eye. The warm wind blows through the streets, and I no longer run to Xin Zhou's bed late at night to find warmth. The weather is getting warmer and warmer is no excuse. Because Jialin is an important customer of the company, a man in his thirties, so thin that he is worryingly thin. Cigarettes are his best friend. Whenever there is a business contact, he will stand behind me and watch my fingers on the keyboard. He said that I have ten fingers that can dance, and my heart will move, and then the force will subside. He has a wife. I have seen a woman with a hard nature, who is completely different from him. I have always been, I am not the kind of woman who relies on fantasy, men and women cannot stand the wait, like fresh food, the waiting process will make it go bad, yes, I am a hunter with accurate eyesight, know which prey can only be far away Peep, the result of the attack is to hurt yourself. In spring, Jialin doesn't necessarily do business. He parks his black Mercedes downstairs in the leisure area of ​​the office, biting a cigarette with a leisurely attitude. A few days later, he stopped him on the way home from get off work, squinted his eyes and smiled: "Miss Anya, can we have dinner together, it's best not to say you don't have time." The sunset was very good, I looked at him, my face was full of inexplicable, and I didn't answer his words. "I'm divorced, so I can openly invite girls to dinner." I looked up at the street, the crowd was bustling, and everyone had their own direction to go. In that brief moment, I felt lost. For him, I liked him a little far away from love. The window of the car isolated the weak sunlight, and our words were inconsistent, like dust blown up by the breeze. He took me to Taiwan for dinner. The quiet and pleasant environment is suitable for the breeding of ambiguity. Jialin is not a man who talks a lot. He is very thin and has a very manly temper. He takes out a cigarette. At that time, he looked at the no-smoking warning sign and put it down again. He laughed at himself and said: "My lifelong hobby is inseparable from cigarettes and beautiful women." This sentence made my heart feel cold, but I still smiled: "So, divorced." He put the cigarette on his lips and didn't light it: "That's fine. My attitude towards beautiful women is the same as that of cigarettes at this moment. I don't need to smoke, but I can't be forbidden to admire beautiful women. She won't even give me such a right." .” Bearing the loss, I grinned. "Don't say I'm ridiculous, and don't say you have a boyfriend, I know you don't." He beckoned to pay the bill, and naturally grabbed my hand and walked out, as if he had been familiar with me for thousands of years. I wanted to refuse, but my body couldn't help it, and I opened the car door. He stood in the dim light of the street lamp and looked at me, and then embraced me lightly: "I like your dancing fingers, and I want you to be my wife, not a lover, will this be okay?" scare you?" This is what I want, no matter which way it comes, it will make me lose the courage to refuse. That night, Jialin said: "Send you home, or go to my house, it's up to you." If there is a marriage, I don't want to be regarded as a frivolous woman by him: "Send me home." The first criterion to measure whether a hunter is smart: whether he has enough patience. Lying on the window and watching Jialin's car go away, the temperature of my lips was still on my forehead, it felt very unreal like a dream. That night, I hugged the pillow and touched every inch of my skin. I had never experienced it before. sympathy. When the phone rang, my heart trembled. I knew it was Xin Zhou. On the nights I didn’t go, his voice would travel through midnight to greet me. Even though it rang for a long time, I didn't know how to start the words, although at the very beginning, each other knew that they were just passing by each other's youthful scenery. I'm afraid that when Xin Zhou opened his mouth, my heart would soften into a ball, so I didn't give him a chance to speak, so I picked up the phone: "Xin Zhou, we don't want to contact you anymore." Xin Zhou was silent for a while. I said goodbye to Xinzhou. "Anya, bless you..." I cut off the phone, buried my face in the pillow, and fainted from the wetness. In fact, I lied to myself, never gave me so much warmth like Xin Zhou, I just forced my heart not to perceive it. After get off work, Jialin's car was always waiting under the office building. When I took me for a drive around the city at night, when I passed Xinzhou's neighborhood, my heart sank a little bit, and I forced myself not to look at the familiar window. Jialin's marriage proposal was imperative: "Anya, let's get married in autumn." With such a good family background, I was sure I would not refuse his tone. I looked at the car window without answering, my self-esteem was like a snowflake in the sun, a little bit in his Melting in the persuasive gaze, like a drop of tear hanging on the heart, in front of this man, there is no chance to show the standing posture again. When the car stopped downstairs, I silently opened the door, and Jialin grabbed my hand: "Get married in autumn." "Let me think about it for a few days." Jialin stared at me blankly, probably, this sentence was beyond his expectation, I want to give my self-esteem a chance to breathe and struggle. "Okay, call me when you think about it." The car roared away with a frustrated sound. Xin Zhou waited at the door, looked at each other for a while, I opened the door, he followed in, and we sat on the sofa silently. Xin Zhou kept brushing his hair. When he didn't know what to say, he was used to torturing his thick hair: "Anya, don't you think falling in love with a rich man is like driving a car on the highway without wearing a seat belt?" "Tell me, what kind of man is falling in love with before you put on your seat belt?" He laughed awkwardly and hurt. "If you compare a man with a car, and God allows you to take a car from the dealership, among BMWs, Santanas, and other bad cars, would you give up BMWs and Mercedes?" There was no words for a long time. "Xin Zhou, you are very stupid to ask this question." He staggered away, as if drunk, with a decadent back. When people are running towards their goals, they will always find ten thousand seemingly strong reasons for their actions. No matter how Xin Zhou asks, the answer has been fixed in my heart long, long ago. Looking at the wide open door, I cried. My heart was willing to stay with Xin Zhou forever, but my desire said no. That winter, I didn't mean it, but it became a wound, dripping across the bottom of his heart. A week later, I made an appointment with Jialin. When he arrived, he smoked a cigarette first and said slowly, "I have a time limit for chasing girls. The time limit is two months. If the time limit is exceeded, I will give up." I pursed my lips and looked at him, chuckling silently: "Okay, then I don't have to say I'm sorry, because I don't want to suffocate my self-esteem for the rest of my life." It was exactly 64 days from the day when Jialin chased me. In fact, I wanted to tell Jialin that we should get married in autumn.His love has expired. I see people coming and going, love lost, expectations annihilated, desires lost in the bustling streets.