Chapter 8 Chapter 8 Turning Points Generate Insights

Zhu-kun is really unwilling to admit that the natural sex with Kagawa really caused a qualitative change in her body, so that her life course was completely changed from this moment on. "I don't want you to take any responsibility, even though you almost completely ruined half of my life's cultivation." She didn't expect Kagawa to understand her meaning thoroughly, he didn't even know half of the connotation She noticed it, but she had to say these words. She was talking to herself.Being able to speak out the deepest feelings, after all, can temporarily remove the boulder pressing on her heart.

"I'm sorry." Kagawa's voice came from the phone receiver, with the sour flavor of red wine. "There is nothing to apologize for. I am already relieved that you can call me today." "What can I do to make it easier for you?" "You can't do anything now." He didn't propose to meet again like those vulgar men, which made Mr. Zhu forgive his mistake a little bit. Although he was wrong, the mistake was not too outrageous. For most men, if something happened between two people, they will always come back to entangle, whether they want to step on two boats with one foot, or stick to confess his impulse, they will always Constant demands to meet, to meet again, as if they had gained some kind of power over her overnight.

But Xiangchuan never asked to meet her alone. Instead, when Meimei was present, he would carefully protect her mood and pay attention to her feelings.It's the kind of well-placed concern that doesn't want more than it needs, but doesn't let it go.There are very few men in the world who are as delicate and considerate as he is, so Mr. Zhu couldn't help but want to keep some kind of contact with him again.It's not about sex, it's about a genuinely ethical exchange of emotions, even if Meimei is involved. She said: "I still want to see you again. Don't worry, I don't have any purpose or request. I just want to talk to you again. It's a chat, alone."

On the other side of the phone, Xiangchuan said: "I want to see you too. I want to see you again with all my heart. It also has no purpose, no request, and I just want to see you again." Mr. Zhu actually had a purpose in wanting to see him again. She wanted to prove that she could face the facts correctly and transform the impact of that accident on her body into an ethical friendship. The meeting place was in a tea room. The tea room has become very popular in the local area in recent years. The interior looks similar, mostly Yixing pots of various sizes are placed on bogus racks, tropical fish tanks and plastic bamboo forest decorations are indispensable, and the furniture also imitates the Ming Dynasty style. , is a clumsy imitation of the leisurely and elegant life of the old Chinese literati, so if you suddenly find that the owner of the teahouse is a greasy, clumsy, black and fat cook, there is nothing surprising, because most of these teahouses are It's a small restaurant diversion.

Choosing the meeting place here is not in Kagawa's taste, and Zhu-kun himself is not interested, but it has an extremely outstanding advantage, that is, Meimei will never appear in this kind of place-because she is a believer in coffee. When Xiangchuan entered the door, there was a slight smile on his face, but his eyes were slightly at a loss, but his tongue was still quick, and he said: "I haven't seen you for a few days, you must be greedy for my craftsmanship, right? Or, Come home with me in a while, I just brought some crabs, from the Little Tonggong Competition..." Xu Shi suddenly realized that crabs are an awkward medium in their relationship, so he stopped laughing and laughing words.

The waiter came up to wait on him. Xiangchuan ordered a kind of expensive green tea, but he put it aside and did not move. Instead, he took out his small teapot and tea caddy from his bosom, smiled apologetically at Mr. Zhu, "The more you get in touch, , the more my bad habits will be exposed." She interjected: "People who don't have hobbies are mostly boring—very much." Xiangchuan said: "A hobby is actually a good thing. It can make people put down the so-called serious things that are hard work, and steal half a day of leisure." "I'm afraid you only have half a day to spare, right?" She never expected that Xiangchuan could find such an easy topic at such a moment when both of them felt jerky, so she was greatly relieved.

"My kind is called day leisure." Xiangchuan sifted the brewed oolong tea into a teacup the size of a wine cup. She didn't know what kind of oolong tea Xiangchuan brewed. In fact, she only knew superficially about tea tasting, but the sweet scent of orchids in the cup still attracted her so much that she forgot the purpose of meeting Xiangchuan. Because, after all, it is a purpose with vague meaning and no substantive content. She said: "If I were like you, gardening flowers and plants, cooking two small dishes, making a pot of good tea, and reading a few pages of idle books every day, wouldn't my life be much easier and I wouldn't have any worries?"

Xiangchuan shook his head: "Impossible. A useless person like me would have to spend decades to cultivate, and you are a comrade with ideals and ambitions. I'm afraid you don't have the patience." "At least you are happy and carefree." "That's a falsehood. How can there be people without troubles in the world? No, I'm troubled too." "What's your trouble?" "The Buddha said that living itself is trouble. What's more, I keep causing trouble for myself!" Speaking of this step, the initial relaxation of the two was proved to be false.Mr. Zhu had no choice but to say: "You don't need to worry anymore. If there is a mistake, it is not your fault."

Xiangchuan took a long breath and said: "Let's stop arguing about whose fault it is, it will only make us feel more uncomfortable, and there will be no good results. Besides, even if you think it's your fault, I won't feel relaxed, Instead, I will feel a little mean, so, please, stop talking about the so-called mistakes." In desperation, Mr. Zhu had no choice but to change the subject and asked, "When will you and Meimei get married?" Xiangchuan sifted the second round of tea and said, "Meimei told you that we are going to get married?" "Meimei said that you haven't finalized the date yet." She didn't intend to tell him Meimei's original intention.Talking about Meimei's worries will lower Meimei's status in Kagawa's heart, and it will definitely make her give Kagawa a bad impression of playing tricks and wanting to profit from it.

Xiangchuan drank tea, and drank tea again, Fang said: "I will marry Meimei, no matter sooner or later." "Is it early or late?" "It's better to wait until the weather warms up. I'm afraid of the cold." When Mr. Zhu heard Xiangchuan's unmistakable confession, she had no doubts about his words.When Meimei left Kagawa a few months later and set off for South America, she felt that there was nothing wrong with their breakup. A gentleman never speaks bad words, and the two broke up calmly, and even invited her and William to have dinner together. "You abandoned your husband, you will regret it in the future." William drank a lot of bayberry wine brewed in Kagawa that day.

Meimei retorted: "It's better than you not being able to please my sister. I think you should give up soon. It would be more realistic to go back to your UK and find the same Anglo-Saxons to live with." William's tongue was as hard as iron: "Mr. Bamboo is my god, the idol I kowtow three times in the morning and evening, and burn incense in the morning and evening. I have confidence that one day she will descend from the sky to the mortal world and become my wife, my wife." Wife, my scum, my house, my child's mother, my niece and granddaughter's aunt, my daughter-in-law who looks down on my father with a straight mouth!" "Is that so?" Meimei asked Mr. Zhu mischievously. "He's drunk, I'm afraid he doesn't know what he's talking about." Zhu Jun sometimes doesn't like William's exaggerated confession, but she will never hurt William's face.After all, he is an Englishman, although he is an Englishman who has learned a lot of Chinese bad habits. "No, I'm not drunk at all, I just don't like women abandoning men." William picked up his glass again and said to Meimei. "Now, do you have the courage to let me toast you, and then you swear." Meimei smiled and said, "What oath?" William stood up, holding the cup in his left hand, clenched his right hand over his shoulder, and said, "I solemnly swear," Meimei smiled and said, "I also solemnly swear," "In the name of the country and the people," "In the name of the country and the people," "In the name of Buddha," "In the name of Buddha," "In the name of our Lord Jesus, Holy of the West," "In the holy name of the West," "In the name of 'Hu Huang Bai Liu Hei' the great immortals of all walks of life," "In the name of the Great Immortal," "In the name of the murderous, the bloody, the wicked, the bastard, the devil Satan," "In the name of bastard," Meimei laughed untenably, but Kagawa was crying. It was also from this moment that a consciousness gradually became clear in Zhu-kun’s mind—maybe only she herself is the most suitable partner for Kagawa, and only she is willing to respect his peaceful, disturbed, and unfettered lazy life. And Meimei's departure is actually the necessity of life. William suddenly stopped the lively talk, drank the wine in one gulp, and sat down. Meimei asked: "You have been messing around for a long time, what kind of oath did you swear?" William let out a sigh: "Forget it, I'm too pedantic. These days, there is no one who can be intimidated by the oath!" Mr. Zhu couldn't figure out what the hell William was doing for a while, but she knew one thing, if she was asked to chant all kinds of gods, no matter what vows she made next, she would be frightened, even if she had to in the future If you want to break your oath, it will be difficult to get rid of the torture of these terrible names. No, when William walked out of the gate of Xiangchuan's house with her, he looked back at the small building and said something that surprised her. He said: "It turned out that it was the husband who abandoned the teacher's wife!" In the tea room that day, Mr. Zhu had something to say.Just imagine, two people have had that experience, and now they are in this kind of relationship that cannot be escaped by being pulled together by Meimei. They really need to sit down, open their hearts, clarify their views, and unify their thoughts into a reasonable Come up with the goal of not hurting others.However, until the beginning of this novel, Mr. Zhu could not wait for the day when Kagawa clearly expressed his thoughts. But the reason why she didn't take the initiative to talk about it that day was because of the sudden onset of that terrible "illness" that she hated so much. She has been suffering from this "disease" for some time, but before she met Kagawa, it can only be regarded as a hidden disease on her body, it is not painful, and occasionally attacks, it just makes her face flushed Fever, just restless, no serious physical and psychological problems. Careful readers must remember that in the second chapter, Mr. Zhu was academically discussed by the dean known for her lust, which triggered her second real orgasm in her life.This incident happened a few days before she met Kagawa in the teahouse, and it was also the first time that her disease had a really violent attack. Three months after she got acquainted with Xiangchuan, when her condition was so serious that she had to see a psychiatrist, she did not resent Xiangchuan, because in her illness, he was only an opportunity for an attack, not the cause.She always thought so. "Do you have sex?" After listening to her brief description of her condition, the young doctor who looked like a little boy asked. "Have." "get married?" "No." "Do you have a regular sexual partner?" "It is fixed for a period of time." "How long can it last?" "The long ones can last for a year." The doctor asked her to go for an examination, and when all the examination results were sent to the doctor's desk, he asked again: "Does it also happen when you have a regular sexual partner?" "Occasionally there are attacks, but the feeling is not strong." "How often does it happen?" "It's been about once a month in the past." "What now?" "Twice a day in severe cases, and the body reacts greatly." Mr. Zhu has been facing this situation for more than two months, and the second really violent attack before that happened at the moment when she and Kagawa met in the tea room. She couldn't remember when the illness started when Kagawa reached into his arms and took out the teapot, or when he frankly admitted that he was about to marry Meimei. In short, it happened suddenly when she had no precautions—sex climax. Symptom 1: It must be the feeling after taking a large heat-reinforcing medicine. From the hard-to-touch place in the bottom of my heart, or it should be said that from the darkest bottom of consciousness, a heat source has been activated.This is similar to the way an atomic reactor generates heat. There is no burning point, and there is no heat flow caused by the rambling snakes, but the chaotic, boundless divergence and wrapping, from the deepest part of the heart to the surface of the skin, like Microwaves generate heat by rubbing water molecules together.She secretly glanced at her palm, which was like fire; when she touched her cheek, the temperature of the skin on her face was lower than that of the skin in the center of her palm, but the feeling of burning was far stronger than that of her palm.Glancing at Xiangchuan again, she realized that the moisture that moisturized her eyeballs had evaporated, and she could even clearly hear the rustling sound of eyeballs and corneas at this moment.By the way, there are also ears, which are the places where her excitement is most easily exposed. She even worried that it would be melted by the heat, so she shook the short hair on her head to cover this defect. Symptom 2: It seems that some big hands stretched into her chest and abdomen, the kind of big hands that can grab a basketball, and it can be clearly judged from the feeling that the big hands are not one, nor two, There are many of them, and the temperament of each hand is quite different.The hand holding the heart is a rigid guy, although it is squeezing and loosening following the compression and expansion of the heart, but at the moment it is squeezing, it seems like a miser is squeezing lemon juice, squeezing all the blood Squeeze it out bit by bit, and the heart left in its hand must look like a dried walnut; the hand on the spleen is the hand of a musician, and it plays "Big Beads and Small Beads Falling on a Jade Plate" The rhythm of the liver actually lures the liver not far away to vibrate and dance with it; the large intestine and small intestine are wrapped around two hands, stretched back and forth, and turned upside down, this must be the hand of a Lanzhou cook; the most hateful The most important thing is the hand holding the uterus. This must be the cruel hand of a child who can't distinguish between good and evil. It is like pulling a slingshot to shoot a bird, lifting the uterus, even pulling it above the abdominal diaphragm, and then violently Release it, then pull it up again, then let go... Symptom three: aphasia.It's not that she can't speak at the moment, but the "aphasia" of inappropriate speech.Xiangchuan said: "I have to wait until the weather gets warmer to get married, because I am afraid of the cold." She said: "But winter can make people calm." Xiangchuan said: "That's why people like to get married in summer, because it is a rash thing after all. Choice, with a bit of recklessness of risking one's life, and ignorance of asking for fortune-telling." She said: "I don't believe you will be reckless." Xiangchuan said: "Recklessness has nothing to do with personality, but it is closely related to interests, because If you wish, it is inevitable that your actions will be unbalanced, your words will be inappropriate, and your thinking will not be thorough." She said: "I don't believe that you will ask for fortune-telling." Xiangchuan said: "Fortune-telling is a low-level superstition, it is the need of the weak, right? The externalization of self-confidence, because even if a person's life course is written in detail before birth, it is by no means a living person can interpret it clearly." She said: "It seems that you are still a bit superstitious." Xiangchuan said: "It's not just a little bit, at least I believe in animism. I believe that even if I drink the hot tea in front of me, I will have the cosmic needs and personal numerology needs to drink it. On the contrary, I didn't drink it. It will also have the same reasons for the inner laws of the universe and personal numerology." She said: "I like superstitious people because they are afraid." Xiangchuan said: "Because they dare to face their own mistakes, although It is harmless and inevitable, but they will never evade corresponding responsibilities, including punishment." She asked: "Have you ever punished yourself?" Kagawa replied: "Yes, I ordered myself not to smoke within a week , do not drink, but this is not a punishment, it can only be regarded as a small lesson, because the punishment is not decided by people, nor is it implemented by people." She asked: "Who decides?" Kagawa Said: "I don't know exactly. It has many names, but they are all fake." She said: "If I were to decide on your punishment, I would choose 'marry Mr. Zhu to you'." Xiang Chuan asked "Is this punishment?" She said: "Its idea must be to make you bored with Mr. Zhu's boringness." Xiangchuan sighed: "Oh, Shengming!" According to the boy-like doctor's explanation, her symptoms belonged to the category of hysteria.He said: "There are not many cases of your symptoms in China, but it by no means means that there are not many patients with this kind of symptoms. In fact, on the contrary, in the past few years after I returned to China, similar symptoms have increased significantly. The increase has become an important topic at the annual meeting of psychiatry." Mr. Zhu asked: "So, how do you see its cause?" She found out from the degree certificate hanging on the wall that the doctor obtained a doctorate in psychiatry in Switzerland. "Discovering the cause requires long-term psychoanalysis. The most urgent thing is to control your illness. If you just let it develop, the situation will be very dangerous." "What will happen?" Mr. Zhu was really scared, she was afraid of the pain of her body. "Unexpected." "for example……." "Like running naked in the street." The medicine prescribed by the doctor was thrown in the drawer by her, she believed that she did not need these things, because she knew what caused her disease better than the follower of Jung who had obtained a doctorate. She believes that this is a test of nature for her, a real test of "Heaven will send a great responsibility to people". "White Lotus" is not something anyone is qualified to dream of, let alone obtain it. Since she wants to become that natural "chosen voter" who surpasses all others, she must overcome many unexpected difficulties and obstacles Moreover, this disease is not unexpected, it is the biggest enemy on the road to supernatural power-inner demon. It was because of her years of suppressing and being mean to her carnal desires that she brought out this enemy.In fact, this is not all a bad thing. Before the Buddha attained enlightenment, when he was practicing under the Bodhi tree, didn't the witches come to tease and seduce him in every possible way?Besides, she is not a Buddha, she does not have such a great fortune, nor does she have such a strong concentration. She is just one of the tens of thousands of flesh and blood who have accidentally glimpsed a supernatural ideal and have been selected by nature. Only through these ordeals can she stand out from thousands of mortal wombs and become the last "lucky one" who takes on the task of regaining the supernatural power for the entire human race. Therefore, overcoming the "demon" is her personal matter, which cannot be solved by medicine or explained by psychoanalysis.The doctor's diagnosis had only one meaning for her—it made her believe even more firmly that the ordeal she was facing at the moment was actually an opportunity for her, and every time she overcomes a difficulty, she will win a significant progress. Sure enough, half a year later, with Kagawa's careless assistance, she finally allowed the Kundalini snake to break through the opening of her neck and reached the second level of the "white lotus". It was a wonderful state where the sky was full of hype and the rain was falling; it was the time when a born blind man fell into the garden in full bloom, his eyes suddenly saw the perception of the world; It is the heroism of Confucius who "shakes his clothes on a thousand hills and washes his feet through the ages"; it is Zhuang Zhou's "fifty oxen as bait", squatting on the top of Kuaiji Mountain, throwing a pole into the East China Sea, and catching big fish The ecstasy; it is the surprise of "seven days in the middle of the cave, thousands of years in the world" on Mount Ronke.... Therefore, she believed that nature specially chose Kagawa to trigger this "disease" for her and created this essential turning point for her.This turning point opened a gap between her and the secular world, and all the insightful insights were born in this gap. Opinion 1: Chang'e should regret stealing the panacea Kagawa is indeed her elixir, this fact speaks for her, everything is self-evident, so she has no regrets, no.Standing on the other side of the chasm and looking back, everything in the world is nothing more than a dog, an ideal with the slightest eye, and a meaningless pursuit of fame and "sex and wealth".If there is anything she can't let go of, it's the "accident" with Kagawa, the real, completely sensual "encounter". , or in the blink of an eye, that natural feeling will tempt her again, fascinate her, and eventually destroy her. Opinion 2: Take Hangzhou directly as Bianzhou Why did the Buddha practice penance under the bodhi tree?Why did Bodhidharma face the wall for ten years?One of the things that is extremely clever is their choice of "Dojo".Only when the three of heaven, earth and man are united can we use the heaven and the earth as a melting pot to cultivate the "human" in the middle.She can deduce the weather, she can choose the male lead, but this "location" is not something she can decide on her own.In this city where there is nothing and no property owner, it is not easy to find her exclusive "dojo". However, that "accident" pointed out a clear way for her, and the small building in Kagawa happened to be her The most suitable "dojo".Even viewed from the most negative point of view, that "accident" has a positive meaning. It at least made her understand one thing, and she can "forget myself" here.The ultimate state of winning the "White Lotus" is to forget both things and me. There is no nature, no hero, and no herself. What is there is just the flower that grows from the top of her head, dignified, flawless, true but true. It also seems to be a "white lotus".Therefore, she needs this small building, this male lead, and even more this "dojo"—this is not her choice, but nature's arrangement for her. In this sense, choosing to maintain a moral and ethical relationship with Kagawa, abandoning this male protagonist and this dojo is a blatant betrayal of the ideal of "White Lotus", irresponsible to supernatural power, and also to her. The scorn of spiritual pursuits.If you choose to occupy this male lead, occupy this dojo, you have to squeeze Meimei out, or have an "affair" with Kagawa on the premise of deceiving Meimei.So, no matter which side of the divide she ultimately chooses to stand on, she can only draw painful conclusions. Therefore, this crucial turning point in Mr. Zhu's life turned out to be a "dilemma" choice. After eating the beautiful dinner table, William accompanied Mr. Zhu out.It's snowing. William carefully said to Mr. Zhu: "Please give me a chance to take you home." He could see that under Meimei's scrutiny all night, Mr. Zhu, like Xiangchuan, must have been physically and mentally exhausted. Mr. Zhu said, "I want to sit in your shop." He knew that he couldn't ask anything at this time. He was invited to cheat at the dinner table just now, and now it's time to tell the truth. He couldn't let his talkativeness spoil the mood of this sad girl. . He feels that for Chinese girls, sadness is also a kind of beauty. It was late, the antique market was sparsely populated, and his employees had all returned home from get off work, except for an old man who was on duty at night in the shop.Seeing them enter the door, the old man boiled a pot of water and went back to rest. William said apologetically, "I'm not as particular about drinking tea as my husband, but the tea is still of high quality." Mr. Zhu said, "You don't blame me for what happened today, do you?" "It's not strange." He said in his heart, if it was you Chinese men, it would be strange if you didn't make mistakes in your heart. When Mr. Zhu approached his door in the afternoon, he immediately guessed that she was in trouble, otherwise, any Chinese girl would never go to an antique shop by herself to find a foreign man she had only met once.But he still said in accordance with common sense: "You step on the ground with your jade toes, so you are here to take care of me and make a fortune!" Mr. Zhu did not put on airs, but said bluntly: "Meimei invited me to bring my boyfriend to her house for dinner." "then," "So I thought of you, please do me this favor." William said bluntly: "If you have an affair with my husband, will I be playing a very embarrassing role if I appear on stage at this time?" Seeing Mr. Zhu's expression changed drastically, he quickly said: "Forgive me, old man, for not being able to speak. There are too many synonyms and synonyms in Chinese, and I know too little, so I always say the wrong thing." Mr. Zhu thought for a while, and said: "I will tell you the details later. Today, I really need a boyfriend urgently. Can you condescend to play this role?" William pretended to cheer and said, "This is my honor." "It's better to act like one." Zhu Jun's worry made her face so sad that she could squeeze out water. "Your old man knows my admiration for you. As the saying goes: You must first have a good attitude before you can win leniency." William deliberately made things upside down. Mr. Zhu really smiled: "Then, let's meet at Xiangchuan's house at 5 o'clock." "This is not good. Lovers who are passionately in love should appear together. I will pick you up when the time comes." He is very confident in playing this role well. After dating Kagawa for seven or eight years, William has seen most of the girls who come and go in and out of his small building, and he neither likes nor dislikes them.Only Mr. Zhu, even though he met just now, touched the feeling of what the Chinese call "a marriage of thousands of miles is bound by a thread". There are too many things in this girl's heart, and they are too heavy, which must make her physically and mentally exhausted.Although he doesn't know why Mr. Zhu is like this, but based on his experience with Chinese people, he can be sure that she is an introverted girl who doesn't know how to explain herself and goes all the way to the black. Her life is so miserable!A good man like him, William James III, stays here every day. She doesn't come to date, but she just went to meet Li Xiangchuan.What William calls out from the bottom of his heart is the kind of "compassion" that can only be produced when watching tragedy. Kagawa is flawed all over, and the biggest flaw is about women.A man like him is not uncommon in England, especially among the old aristocrats with titles but no property.They are the same as Xiangchuan, there is nothing delicious that they don't like, and there is nothing fun that they don't know how to play.As for marriage and love, they do not shy away from their selfishness. They clearly state that marriage has nothing to do with love, and what has to do with them is dowry and property. The place where Kagawa is slightly less satisfactory than the degenerate old nobles in England is that he can support himself, not only can he be self-sufficient, but also in contemporary China, his income should be considered considerable, so the lover's property is not too much for him significance. So, what is meaningful to him?Is it the weakness and unnecessary self-esteem of Chinese girls?Or is it the attractiveness of the interesting life details he performed to girls?Or his set of fallacies and heresies bewitched girls? No, all of these are external appearances, which Kagawa deliberately pretends to be seen by others, but the most essential point in him is his "egocentrism". In his Ink Fragrance Hall, after listening to Mr. Zhu's simple narration, William finally understood the reason why this girl asked him to pretend to be her boyfriend, and said: "I don't want to persuade you, because the final decision has to be made by the client himself. Here, I can only expressly express my personal thoughts." Zhu Jun said: "You can't make fun of me anymore." "No kidding, what I'm going to say is my real thoughts." "Speaking." "I hope you don't refuse my pursuit." "I'm afraid this is a fruitless matter." "If people don't act, there will never be results." William knew that once he said this, his understanding and criticism of Kagawa would be even more difficult.If he tells Mr. Zhu what he thinks about Kagawa at this time, it will be what the Chinese call "the behavior of a villain".Mr. Zhu must not like "villains". Regarding the relationship between Take-kun and Kagawa, William didn't think it was an obstacle.Kagawa has a cohabiting lover and another "sex partner". This is a story that is played out every day in modern life.As immoral as this practice is, people just can't get enough of it, and some even take pride in it. Obviously, in China, where sexual concepts and behaviors have just been liberalized, before people have found the public morality of "sexual liberation", this kind of ideological confusion is just like the chaos in Europe in the 1960s. Temporary disorder, so there is no moral obstacle for him to "put a stick" between Xiangchuan and Zhukun. Besides, he did it to save people, to save Mr. Zhu.This girl who is suffering in her heart but has nowhere to get rid of it, if she is allowed to struggle between the two stone mills of Kagawa and Meimei, she will go crazy sooner or later. Meeting Xiangchuan was a turning point in Mr. Zhu’s fate, a turning point full of crises and a bitter future; but meeting him William James III was a turning point of “turning back to the shore”, a turning point of “the willows are dark and flowers brighten another village”, and a turning point of “desire for poverty”. Thousands of miles, to a higher level" turning point.This is not only his "marriage", but also her "blessing". William sincerely thanked his Chinese teacher. Without her patient explanation, he would not have described this incident so brilliantly in Chinese "allusions". In the teahouse, Kagawa noticed Zhu Jun's "disease" just after the onset. "What's the matter?" He reached out and touched her forehead, but it wasn't hot; he looked at the palm of his hand, which was as red as his face. Mr. Zhu just shook his head blindly and refused to speak, but his eyes were like fire, and his lips were fighting like two ferocious little animals. He helped her lie down on the wicker chair, asked the teahouse owner for a clean towel, and put a cold compress on her forehead. "What should I do?" Zhu Jun's round voice became hoarse. "Be quiet first, I'll send you to the hospital right away." Xiangchuan only felt a throbbing pain in his heart, as if a mouth with harsh words was scolding him to the point of spitting blood. "Hospitals can't save me. No 'human' can save me except 'God'." "I can save you, I can definitely help you." "But I can't ask you to help me. We have already committed a crime, how can we knowingly commit it again!" "There must be other solutions, for sure." Kagawa suddenly lost his mind.At this moment, all his theories about a leisurely life can't help him at all. He can only watch the girl struggling alone, but he can't be caught off guard. Can't find a word that really makes sense. "There is no other way. I have thought about this matter enough, and there is no solution." While speaking, two tears welled up from the corners of Mr. Zhu's eyes, drawing two pink marks on her fair skin. Kagawa knew that the "blood and tears" were caused by Zhu-kun's over-excited emotions, which caused the intraocular pressure to be too high, and the capillaries of the cornea ruptured. Mr. Zhu panted, "I am not afraid of any difficulties and obstacles, nor any physical tests, but you can't test my moral character!" Kagawa found that these words might not have been addressed to him. "Why me? Why did you choose me? Am I really that good? Really?" Kagawa is speechless. "If I'm really that promising, there's no need to torture me like this. If I'm not the one you're looking for, give me up earlier! Let me go, let me fall in love, get married and have children, and go through ordinary life. human pain and pleasure." This should be her sexual metaphysics playing tricks.Kagawa didn't know where to start to unravel her. "You are not kind, you don't have the slightest bit of compassion; you are not brave, you dare not tell me your intentions in front of me; you are not holy, torturing me with carnal desires is not what a gentleman does; you are not magnanimous, you care about everything Your 'White Lotus' is like a miser who calculates the gains and losses of money; you are not tolerant, and you are not willing to forgive me, a student who failed to make great progress in the Kundalini snake, ignoring my shortcomings in qualifications, just Force your purpose into my life's faith...." Kagawa was shocked.What does this kid believe in?White Lotus?No matter what she believes in, it has obvious sinister characteristics of cults. "You are not a god, you are an evil heretic, because you take pleasure in the suffering of others; you are not nature, you are not the inner law of matter, because the 'ideal' you pointed out has to be paid for by the loss of natural nature; you are not the truth , because no one or anything can accurately prove your existence; you are not an absolute spirit, or a will beyond matter, because you neither explain anything, nor infer anything, nor prove anything. You are just a A bastard who is downright, full of rhetoric, pretending to be deep and empty, who seduces others into your slavery, who tricks others into making you stronger, and who teases others to make you happy. I get it, you are just a concept,一个不着边际的狂想，一个迷信，是的，你就是迷信……。” 竹君终于睡着了，像个疲惫的婴儿，粉红色的泪珠儿挂在腮边。 真正的痛苦，也许就是从这一刻开始的。香川日后回想此事，经过反复的推断，反复的比较，总觉得在竹君的痛苦之中有他的原因存在。 的确，从前几天的“事故”当中，他得到了狂喜，他也相信竹君同样得到了狂喜，不管事后两个人多么的后悔，对自己进行了怎样的批判，但那个狂喜是真实的，无法抹杀的。 是不是那个不恰当的狂喜，造成了竹君的错乱？人一旦过分地批判自己，甚至痛恨自己的行为时，首先发生的便是内心的分裂。所以，竹君的痛苦之中，有他的错误，有他的责任，否则，竹君也就不可能在这个时候，在他面前发作这种癔症一般可怕的病痛。 据他所知，癔症发作的最大诱因，便是挫折与愤怒，于是，在后来的日子里，特别是在他们同居之后，他虽然没有顺从到也信奉起“白莲花”来，但他顺情说好话的本领却是大为长进了。 “我刚才说了些什么？”竹君醒过来之后，一开口便是担忧。 “你说了一大堆不该说的话。”香川故意笑得暧昧。 "What did you say?" “你讲了十几条嫁给我的理由。” "what?" “还有三十几条不肯嫁给我的理由。”香川相信这个谎言的强烈冲击力，足以混淆竹君的视听。 “结论呢？”竹君完全清醒了。 “还没讲到结论，你就睡着了。说实话，最终的结论是什么？”他把这个问题像楔子一样强行钉入竹君的大脑，相信能够阻断她方才那阵半疯狂的记忆。 “我讲的好像不是这些。”竹君用力摇头，催动着记忆力。 “不，你讲的只有这些。我一直等在这里，就是想知道你最后的结论。” 他不能让她再一次记起那段可怕的自白。她的那番话让他震惊，甚至恐惧，一个女孩子，一旦被邪魔缠身，必定会走上这条路。有关这类事情的记载，明清笔记中随处可见。 然而，他又必须得打消她反抗的念头，打消她方才对她信奉的邪魔的怀疑。这种强烈的反叛与怀疑，对于深陷其中的竹君有着巨大的危险，像她现在这个样子，显然是在对邪魔的信仰与正常的理智之间发生了猛烈的冲突，而那个“载体”，也就是她的大脑，实在承受不住这场杀伐之争，这才让她接近于疯狂。 通常情况下，精神分裂症都是这么得来的。头脑中两种对立的观念谁也无法战胜对方，而战争本身的影响只能使当事者关闭大脑中的多处神经通道，像隔绝火灾一般，把这场战争和许多正常的神经功能隔绝在一个封闭的空间之内，让它们同归于尽。 这是肌体的本能，牺牲掉正常的精神与思维，以换取剩余部分的健康。 正因为香川看到了这一点，他就有责任也有义务救助她，保护她，所以，他用他的胡言乱语强行断绝了竹君对反叛思想的记忆。 其实，即使竹君在那一刻有机会觉醒，有可能抛弃对“白莲花”的信奉，香川也会反对。他认为，竹君中毒太深，他宁可让她继续信奉“白莲花”，继续追随那个邪魔，总比为了放弃这个浑蛋信仰而把她逼疯掉要好些。 他确实是这样想的，也是这样做的，而且进行了长期的努力。到故事开篇的时候，他们已经同居了一年多的时间，竹君的病证虽然偶有发作，但再没有过一次“喝道骂祖”的行为发生，同时，据竹君自己讲，她在追求“白莲花”的道路上又“精进”了不少，已经成功地上升到第二重境界。 后来竹君对他道：“等我突破第三重境界，得到了'白莲花'，我就有能力轻而易举地让你也得到它。” “得到什么？”无奈之下，香川只好装傻。 “我要把'白莲花'送给你，作为我们相知的礼物。” “白莲花用不上，要是有荷叶给我弄两张来，我想做一道'荷叶粉蒸鸡'。” 这就是生活的真实，香川对着手中的小葫芦道，不管发生什么事情，不论多么的危急可怕，你都不能慌乱，要理清思路，摸清原委，宁可“养痈遗患”，先把竹君的病症将就着稳定下来，也不能“胡庸医乱用虎狼药”的冒险。 “中庸之道”的绝妙之处就在这里，它虽然不能让你得到智慧，但至少可以让你不糊涂，或者是，显得不糊涂。 平安是福，没有事情发生也是福，香川对自己道。 他赞赏旧时杭州人的习俗，他们每到过年贴的春联上都没有字，名叫“无字联”，以祈求一年“无事”。 香川一向认为，他这一辈子能够“平安喜乐”，没有遭受到太大的挫折与灾祸，最成功的经验，便是对“无事”的追求。 然而，竹君的出现让他又明白了另一个道理，“事”的到来不是由当事人来决定的，因为那是“定数”，是你这一生当中躲不开，避不掉的内容，所以，他必须得抖擞精神，把这件“事”解决掉。 虽然他向来主张避重就轻，避实就虚，对任何一桩麻烦，能绕过去便绝不与它正面冲突，但是，他也明白，有些“事”是不能视而不见的，更不能逃避，逃避的结果反倒可能引来更大的灾祸。 那么，为了给竹君治病，让他抛弃美美，然后与竹君结婚？他摇了摇头，这显然是个下下之策，是少年人的天真。姑且不论竹君是否愿意与她结婚，单是美美这边，他就实在放不下，因为，他真的爱美美。 “你的判断正确，我确实爱你。”他对美美道。这是他们第二次上山时发生的对话。 美美显然有些沮丧，道：“就算你真的爱我，但对我来讲，你的爱太虚幻，太飘渺了，我不论怎样努力，也抓它不住。” “这都是我不好，是性格使然，也是我不善于，或者说是不敢表达真实的感情。”香川心底涌起一股怜惜之情，眼前这个原本自信得有些不讲道理的女孩子，只因为与他恋爱，才变得如此优柔。 “你为什么不敢表达你的爱？”美美一下子便抓住了问题的实质。 “其实我一直在表达，采用的是我个人的方式，而不是大众化的方式。”也许他的表达太过“清淡”，以至于美美品尝不到。 “你并没有表达。我回忆了我们交往的全过程，一直是我在表达，而你的所谓表达，只是些转弯抹角的暗示，或者是嘻嘻哈哈的调侃。到目前为止，你没给过我一句实在话。”美美又本能地揪住他的小辫子不放。 美美说的也许是实情。香川一时不知道说些什么好。 太阳已经落山了，天色呈现出宝石般深邃的湛蓝，只有西边天的尽头，在一抹白云的边缘上，留住了太阳的几笔金红色的水彩。也许，他向美美表达的感情，便如同这色彩一般，看得见却摸不到，有形而无质。 沉默了良久，他方道：“也许，我是说也许不是我没有表达，而是我只会这样表达。这是我命中注定的表达方式，一种被动的，软弱的表达方式；同时，这很可能也是我的生存方式。因此，也就注定了我只能是一个有骨气的弱者而已。我再说一遍，我确实软弱，但有骨气。” 美美那天必定是又被他这番话感动了，从此，她便只谈婚姻，不谈爱情。 然而，他并不知道自己为什么总是能够让女友感动，以至于让她们产生许多鲁莽的，不计后果的爱情冲动。 一年之后，同样是冬天，在他的小楼中，他与竹君也有过一次类似的谈话。 “我很想对你说一句，我爱你，但是，我不能这样做。”香川那天点的是日本末茶，两个人共用一只深黑色的天目茶盏，浓绿的茶汤上浮着一层悦目的泡沫。 竹君放下茶盏，用粉红色的舌尖舔去沾在唇上的茶粉，道：“按理说，这话应该由我来讲，毕竟是我强迫你接纳的我。我是在美美出走之后，强行闯入这个家的不速之客，所以，你把讲这句话的机会留给我好吗？” “你不是不速之客，即使当初你没有提出来，我也会向你发出真诚的邀请。”香川发现他们的对话又陷入了那个无法摆脱的怪圈——每当他们心情激动，谈及爱情的时候，气氛和思维总是很快便由冲动的感性转变为冷静的理性。 竹君道：“你这是在安慰我。不要这样，你越是如此，我就越发感觉愧疚。如果我们两个人之间有谁产生了爱情，那个人一定是我，但是，我知道我没有资格讲出这句话来，因为，我没有与爱情相匹配的身体。” “这是胡话，我可不想听你这么说。”香川不得不打断她的话头，她身上那个“邪魔”触动不得。 竹君却道：“这段日子里，我就当你是同情我，或是怜惜我，我也就腆然承受了，因为除此之外，我也没有别的办法。不过……。” “不要再说了……。”香川看到了竹君发病的危险。 “不过，我不会麻烦你太多的时间，短则一年，长则一年半，我必定会完成我的使命，赢得'白莲花'。对于你的宽厚与仁慈，我无以报达，所以，到那个时候，我会把'超自然力'顶在头上，奉献给你。”竹君的脸上又燃起了红色。 这就是性格，这也是命运，香川对自己道。他这一生当中，仿佛总是有冥冥之中的力量在干扰他，让他从来也未曾把爱意表达清楚过，不论是对竹君，还是美美，或是在此之前的其他女孩子。 对竹君的病情，香川用尽了他全部的聪明才智与博学多识，但是，那个“邪魔”也仅仅是被他们的生活回避了，并没有被真正驱除。 对于他来讲，只有最后一味“药”他未曾使用，那就是让他主动对命运挑战，克服自己的心理障碍，向竹君表达真切的爱情，并勇敢地向她求婚。他相信这必定会对竹君产生作用，因为竹君没有真正感受过爱情的滋味与力量，她一直在压抑自己，拒绝自然的感情与自然的肉体需求，她在身上套了一副强硬的铠甲。 只有打破这铠甲，竹君才有可能发自内心地接受他的表达，接受他的爱。 然而，即使到了一年之后，香川仍认为，竹君的铠甲依然坚硬如故，他没有机会把他的爱直接送到她的内心深处。 “从这个意义上看，我肯定是个'蒙古大夫'。”香川只好自嘲，尽管他并没有放弃努力——对挑战命运，克服心理障碍，直接向竹君表达真爱的努力。 “如果我当真能够做到这一点，那我也就再不是李香川，而会变成另外一个人。”他恨自己总是生活在怀疑之中。 他认为，生命中的转折毕竟不由自主，它往往表现为一种恶意的挫折，或是一种貌似必然的幸运，目的只有一个，就是改造你的生命意识，改造你的价值观，让你的生活与旧时代剥离，进入一个全新的生活层面。到了这个时候，不论你是否愿意，你的生活已然发生了根本性的变化。 举例来说：命运奖赏给威廉的转折是让他遇到了香川这样的好先生，引领他走上了品味高雅的发财之路，然而，威廉近一个月来的上窜下跳，却正在一步步地将要陷香川于不义……，此可谓转折产生恶意； 竹君的转折也是遇上了香川，遇上了他这位蒙古大夫，这可以缓解她的病症，使她免于疯狂，然而，令香川感到尴尬的是，据竹君本人讲，他们的同居生活却使她对那个邪魔的追求有了长足的进步，已然取得了巨大的突破，“白莲花”的第三重境界实现在望……，此可谓转折产生意外； 说到美美的转折香川只有苦笑，她与香川由相遇，到相爱，再到同居，这是她的第一次转折；而她弃香川而去，奔赴南美洲却是她的第二次转折；那么，由此看来，发生在她身上的第三次转折，便自然该是回归了？所以，当美美一个月前当仁不让地搬回他的小楼居住时，他一点也不感到奇怪……，此可谓转折产生古怪。 至于香川本人，还有什么可说的？原本在他这一生当中，即使是用显微镜来寻找，也没有可称得上是转折的生活经历。 然而，今时不同往日，也许就在今晚，或者是在明天的太阳还没有升起的时候，他就要经历一场人生大转变，甚至同时失去美美与竹君，甚至破产。 想到此处，香川便对自己笑道：“罢了罢了，过了几十年的懒散日子，已经是非分之福了，日后即使受苦受累，也不能算是命运的不公。” 此可谓转折产生见解。他一丝一毫也不怀疑自己的结论。