Chapter 20 Chapter Twenty

It was already very late at night, but Qin Yu couldn't fall asleep no matter what. What happened during the day disturbed him, making his heart in the grassland messy again.This time, Qin Yu made up his mind to forget some things, not to be entangled by them all the time, but to concentrate and do something seriously.In these years, Qin Yu felt that his major was not improving, but was constantly being neglected and going downhill.Many topics that need to be studied are either not studied, or they are out of tune.Some topics that should be deeply investigated and seriously explored have been sloppy, rude and extremely irresponsible.This is not the spirit of science. Science is falling, becoming a tool, and being used by those with ulterior motives.

As a young man with lofty ambitions and a professional worker, Qin Yu felt confused and felt an indescribable pain in his heart.What made science become like this, and what was devouring their ideals little by little, as well as the spirit of fighting for their ideals? The face of his mother-in-law Miao Yulan flashed in Qin Yu's mind again and again. In recent years, Qin Yu's growth was greatly influenced by Miao Yulan. He was pulled into the bustling life of the provincial capital from a scholar who didn't hear anything outside the window and plunged into the pile of knowledge. She was also Miao Yulan, who kept using some secular and very practical life philosophies to change his views on life, view of the world.At one time, Qin Yu thought that he was wrong and pedantic before, and almost followed his father's old path again.He once made it clear to Miao Yulan that being a scholar is really meaningless and far less enjoyable than being a leader.Miao Yulan was overjoyed, thinking that he had been saved, she immediately stated that as long as she was obedient, as long as she was good, she would arrange for him at any cost.

arrange.In the dark night, Qin Yu chewed these two words like chewing nuts. Then Qin Yu thought of love.oh love.For a long time, Qin Yu thought that he had nothing to do with love.This beautiful word had been dead since he found that photo.Love, hum, is nothing but a lie, nothing but self-deception.But that night, Qin Yu couldn't help thinking of this word again. I really betrayed her, am I really a snob, following others, using love as a bargain and marriage as a springboard?Qin Yu didn't think so, really not, but why did they all say that?During the day, Lang Gang and Doza's words rang in his ears again, making him feel that a voice resounded throughout the night, rumbling, rolling in his heart, denouncing, condemning, despising, and cursing.Why, Qin Yu feels wronged, feels suffocated and blocked, but where can he go to appeal for his injustice, and who can he tell the bitterness in his heart?

He is miserable—— After marrying Wu Ruohan, Qin Yu found that people's eyes on him had changed, and their attitude towards him was also very different from before.In the past, people called him Qin Gong in the institute, and college students who just graduated respectfully called him teacher or senior, while Lao Ye and the others called him Xiao Qin.These appellations are true and natural, like the wind in the mountains and the water in the river, without pretense or falsehood.But after marriage, people flocked to change their titles to official titles. Qin Yu is currently the director of the second research office of the center, so like his mother-in-law Miao Yulan, the whole staff of the institute changed their name to Director Qin.This title made Qin Yu uneasy, and it also made Qin Yu panic.It's not that he is afraid of people's compliments on his eyes, but that this title may mean the end of his professional life.

Some things destroy people, however dazzling they may look and beautify their ears. Qin Yu fought cold wars several times in a row.Later he thought again, could it be that all of this is really his fate?Just as Lang Gang scolded him angrily during the day, he is an opportunist, a person who trades marriage for the future? Oh, marriage.Lying on the bed, I can hear the long-lasting mountain wind, roaring after another, and the sound of distant pines.In my heart, I questioned the marriage again and again.Why should I marry her, why?In the past, Qin Yu seldom asked himself questions. He always seemed to lack thinking about marriage and fate, and seemed to obey orders.All his life, he was used to listening to his mother, and when his mother's words came to him, it was an imperial decree, an impossible choice.But now, Qin Yu had deep doubts about his mother, Chu Ya.

One cannot take shelter under a tree for a long time. In that case, all of you will become the shadow cast by the tree, and you will lose yourself. Involuntarily, in this extremely sleepless night, Qin Yu thought of another tree, his father. His father seldom cared about him. In his memory, what his father left him was nothing but scolding, criticism, and harsh criticism. Even these were few and far between.A person who doesn't understand emotions, a person who doesn't eat the fireworks of the world, this is Qin Yu's evaluation of his father.In this family, the father is very much like a voyeur, hiding in the dark, hiding in a place where he and his mother can't see, watching them coldly.Dealing with them with silence and cold eyes is actually resistance, Qin Yu understands.In his unique way, with a few words, his father shattered the seemingly perfect life of him and his mother, and with the sharp and ruthless language like rubble, he drew blood in their hearts.Most of his father’s criticisms or scoldings were related to his career. For example, when he was transferred back to the province from the white house, or if he wanted to go to the ecological management center where Miao Yulan was located, his father would jump out of the corner and use a hard pose against him.Opposition doesn't work. In fact, his father's opposition rarely works. Qin Yu has been used to a life since he was a child, that is, to behave in the way his father opposed.This is due to his mother. When he was not very sensible, his mother reminded him again and again: "He will abandon us, he will abandon us, and live his good life, this bad guy." When Qin Yu was able to understand good and evil, his mother would keep admonishing him: "Sinister, he has three hearts, and none of them belong to us." What about the child, how did that face ever smile at us?" The mother explained in more common language.

It is true that he has never smiled, his father is a person who can't laugh, Qin Yu grew up so old, he has never seen his father's smiling face, but his mother, no matter how hard it is, always comforts and encourages him with a smiling face.Growing up in such an environment, it's no wonder Qin Yu treated his father that way. But this night, Qin Yu remembered a conversation between his father and him about marriage. After the marriage was set, his mother, Chu Ya, was planning to get married for him. One night, his father, who still lived on the second floor and refused to go home, suddenly called him over and said very seriously, "We need to talk."

"Then let's talk about it. It's not like we haven't talked about it before." Qin Yu turned a blind eye to his father's seriousness. He was used to dealing with his father with this lukewarm attitude, and there was even a bit of yin and yang in his tone. "You have to be serious." His father warned him. "Aren't I serious? How can I be serious?" Qin Yu smiled mischievously. His father gave him a bitter look, and said helplessly, "Okay, this time I want to talk to you about marriage." "Marriage?" Qin Yu almost laughed out loud. He didn't expect his father to talk about marriage with him. It was a ridiculous thing. His son was about to get married, so he remembered to talk about marriage with his son.Besides, in Qin Yu's impression, his father hardly talked about anything except academics and Qi Lian.Eating, drinking, cooking, daily necessities, weddings and funerals, all these urgent and important things in the eyes of others, when it comes to my father, they become vulgar and not worth mentioning.His father had talked to him about Wu Ruohan and opposed him falling in love with Wu Ruohan, but he couldn't come up with a reason, he just told him arbitrarily that he couldn't fall in love with Wu Ruohan.Does Qin Yu want to listen to such words?

"What are you laughing at? What's so funny?" His father was obviously upset. He was most annoyed at Qin Yu's indifference to everything and his lack of a serious attitude.Qin Yu had no choice but to sit down in Zhengzheng: "Okay, I'm about to tell you that Ruohan and I are going to get married soon. This is my mother's and my decision." "Don't talk about your mother!" Father interrupted him sternly. Qin Yu shook his head.He once reminded his mother that he had to seek his father's opinion on this matter, at least he should be told in advance.The mother said with great disdain: "Tell him, do you expect him to give you money or help? Yu'er, don't be stupid, as long as he doesn't make trouble, you just don't have him as a father."

Now it seems that mother is right. There are some things that you really don't need to let your father know, let alone expect him to do anything for you.A person who is easy to cause trouble for others, Qin Yu thought of what his future father-in-law and Secretary of Gushui Municipal Party Committee Wu Tianliang once said. Father coughed to ease the atmosphere between him and Qin Yu, then took a sip of water and said, "Of course, before we talk about marriage, I want to talk to you about someone, Wu Tianliang, do you really plan to let him do it?" Your father-in-law?" Qin Yu was dumbfounded, what's wrong with his father, playing stream of consciousness with him, what is he going to do?Besides, Wu Tianliang's father almost said it with deep hatred, and he had a condescending tone.Qin Yu didn't like this kind of tone, and his father was actually ruined by this kind of tone, always thinking that he was a god and a savior, and everyone else was a vulgar thing.But is there a boundary between gods and vulgar things? My father looks very vulgar at this time.Qin Yu replied: "You don't need to worry about this matter, Dad, just take it easy."

His father interrupted him sharply again, this time his anger was obviously greater than before: "I warn you, Qin Yu, you can't marry the daughter of Wu Tianliang and Miao Yulan at all, she is not worthy of entering my Qin family's door, I will It is impossible for you to marry her!" It's scary!The father said it firmly, as if he had already made a certain decision. In fact, he had no idea how far his son's marriage would go. It was a typical headstrong one.Qin Yu showed great disappointment, he lost all interest in teasing his father.Originally, he thought that since his father wanted to talk to him, let's have a friendly talk.It's not a problem that the father and son are always so stiff. Sooner or later, this kind of tension must be reversed. No matter what, they are still a family.Besides, the important matter of marriage cannot be bypassed by father, so it is time to listen to his opinion.Unexpectedly, his father had such an attitude, so Qin Yu picked up his tendons, and returned to his previous attitude towards his father. "Are you getting married or I'm getting married, Dad, you won't arrange it for me, will you?" Qin Jizhou glanced at his son coldly: "I advise you to be more serious. I will only say this once. You have to think clearly. For a man, marriage is not only about happiness, but also..." What else, he himself said not go down. Qin Yu smiled secretly, and immediately fought back from another direction: "Dad, are you implying that you married the wrong person in this life?" "I'm talking about you, stop playing games with me!" Qin Jizhou's face turned pale suddenly.Every time my son made fun of his marriage, it felt like he was going to be defeated.Everyone has weaknesses, and Qin Jizhou's weakness lies with Chu Ya. "Well then, you can decide for me, let me fall in love with whomever I am ordered to love." Qin Yu suddenly didn't want to embarrass his father too much. The father and son always save each other a bit of dignity during the attack. I don't want to strip each other too clean. Qin Jizhou felt the warmth in his son's words, his face became less fierce, and he said in a slow tone: "There is no sincerity at all. If you are like this professionally, you will ruin yourself." Speaking of this, he was nervous. He said: "No, you are already destroying yourself, especially after you go to the province and follow that Miao Yulan!" Qin Jizhou snorted a few times, and the word Miao Yulan was almost chewed up and spit out. As for?That day Qin Yu laughed out of ridicule.He felt that his father was not just stupid, but a bit rigid to the end.The grievances and grievances of many years still cannot be resolved. Why do people put themselves in the past, let the past hold down their lives, and they will never turn over. Is it interesting? "Dad, I think you're boring. You're all boring. You'll be like treasures for a lifetime." Qin Yu wanted to say that he had many such things in his heart, and he always wanted to find a chance to spit it out, to his father, to Miao Yulan and Chu Ya, to wake them up.Unexpectedly, my father suddenly shouted: "You are not allowed to underestimate history, and you are not allowed to use such a tone!" After a long time, my father said again: "Yu, you don't understand, you really don't understand." My father's eyes became hazy, like clouds, rain, and electricity.Suddenly, in a fit of rage, his father knocked over the cup on the table, pushed aside the materials and books on the table, and, as if going crazy, said something that Qin Yu could never forget in his lifetime. "Whoever forgets the past is not worthy to talk about the future!" After my father said that, he seemed to be hollowed out suddenly, and his whole body became exhausted, and he had the illusion that he was about to fall because of powerlessness.At that moment, Qin Yu was a little scared. His father was in poor health and couldn't get excited. No matter what, he couldn't ignore his father's health.Just as he was trying to step forward to comfort his father, his father woke up from his thoughts and said in an almost warm tone: "You should know what Dad is thinking. If you don't love such a good girl, you will have to take a detour." , you—” Qin Yu was stunned for a moment, and he didn't dare to play anymore. His father's words obviously touched him somewhere, which made him, who seemed to be indifferent to anything, twitch violently a few times.After all, there is still some tacit understanding between father and son, and each other can hear the deep meaning of what they say with their hearts.Qin Yu lowered his head and was depressed for a long time, then gritted his teeth and said, "Dad, stop thinking about it, there is absolutely no way between me and her!" Qin Jizhou's heart was also moved. He could understand his son's words. The woman his son was talking about at this time was definitely not Wu Ruohan, the daughter of Wu Tianliang and Miao Yulan. Brat, it's not that easy to hide from me!There was a hint of complacency on Qin Jizhou's face, but it was short. Qin Jizhou did not dare to be careless in his treatment of his son, for fear that if he was negligent, he would fall into the trap set by his son.Just like his mother, his head is full of unclean things, tricks! "Why?" he asked his son. "I said it's impossible, so it's impossible." Qin Yu suddenly became irritable, the playful mood just now was gone, replaced by restlessness and fear.For a long time, Qin Yu couldn't think about that person. No matter who mentioned it, he would show uneasiness like a conditioned reflex, showing inexplicable anxiety and anger.What he hates is not others, but himself. "Impossible!" He gritted his teeth and said again, as if to cheer himself up. "Impossible, really impossible." When he said this, Qin Yu's voice weakened, like his father's, he also became exhausted. "What if Dad insists on making it possible?" "No, it's impossible!" Qin Yu stood up suddenly, his eyes suddenly filled with blood, "Dad, why are you pretending to be confused, why is it impossible, you should ask yourself!" In an instant, Qin Jizhou was dumbfounded and dumb.These words were too vicious and lethal, and Qin Jizhou was completely defeated. The son's words were clearly directed. The past rolled in, wrapped in sand, wrapped in dust, mixed with thunder and lightning, and he couldn't resist it. Shameless!He cursed fiercely in his heart, and then, like a defeated rooster, he collapsed there. The son was doubting him, smashing him, and even tearing him apart, leaving him with no dignity and decency. This evil! Unable to lie on the bed, Qin Yu got up and walked outside.The night is like a tide, which brings too many associations and anxiety to people.The yard is still the same yard, the white house is the same as before, and the flowers and plants in the yard are the same as before.But this time, it feels different from before.Qin Yu used to be the owner of this place, and every plant and tree in the courtyard was closely connected with him. He was familiar with their smell, their growth and withering.They are also familiar with him. When he is happy, these plants will make a sound of laughter. When he is sad or hesitant, the plants will blink their eyes and show a sad expression.How many years have passed, and Qin Yu feels that he has long been integrated with them, and cannot be separated or broken.But now, the word "unfamiliar" attacked him, making him feel that leaving here was a shameful thing, a heartless thing. Am I really wrong?When walking outside, Qin Yu suddenly felt such emotion.Half of this feeling comes from the feelings for the white house, and the other half is a sense of trance, distance, and professional slowness that came out unexpectedly after arriving in the basin. Yeah, dull.A person who sits in the office every day, playing with fiction and deliberately "fabricating" knowledge according to the intention of his superiors, once he returns to this real and cruel reality, the gap will immediately disappear. Qin Yu was in pain.This pain is born for the profession I love, and it is also born for the rapidly disappearing green and rivers. Oh, the river——in the night, Qin Yu made such a call. On this sleepless night, Qin Yu finally stopped in front of the small hill in the north, in front of the mani pile.This may be fate, he vowed not to want Deng Chaolu, he is now a married man, Wu Ruohan's husband, Wu Tianliang and Miao Yulan's son-in-law.He has no right to think about other women in this world, nor can he think about them.But his steps still stopped in front of Mani pile. The night was hazy, with a breezy breeze, and the bright moonlight pierced through the faint clouds, and sprinkled an even amount of white, dizzy white, cool white.The mountain changed color in the moonlight, and the grass also changed color in the moonlight.The tall mani pile became more and more hazy and mysterious, like a mystery, standing there, but there seemed to be countless pairs of eyes on it, asking him questions under the night sky.The ground under my feet and the mountains around me trembled slightly in the wind.The trembling hit his heart in a strange way, like an electric current, Qin Yu couldn't stand still, as if shaking with the wind. Trembling and trembling, a phantom suddenly appeared in front of my eyes.The bonfire from more than ten years ago was ignited again. Just beside the mani pile, the bonfire reflected young and ruddy faces, so youthful, so dazzling, and full of vigor.There is both him and her in the face.God, why is she so real and clear, as if she has never left him for a day. Qin Yu was excited. On a moonlit night, he wanted to scream, to run, to run desperately to the mysterious mani pile, to the bonfire, to... "Little Lu!" After a long, long time, Qin Yu yelled frantically and suppressedly.