Chapter 5 Chapter 5 Let me take another look at you

Around the hospital, the corpses piled up higher and higher, and people kept carrying them here.Wen Yan looked at these corpses, not knowing what to do with them.At this time, she didn't have time to think about how to deal with these corpses, because a large number of wounded were still pouring in here.Aunt He directed a few young men to carry a seriously wounded person. When Wen Yan saw Aunt He, her eyes turned hot, and she hurried over to meet her: "Swallow, can you hold on?" Thinking of He Liang, I felt a sadness that I had never felt before. Wen Yan directed the people to carry the wounded to a shed that had just been built. She led Aunt He to the shade of a tree, and Aunt He opened a bottle of glucose solution.Aunt He took it and drank half of the bottle in one go.Wen Yan asked: "Auntie, what's going on over there? Is there someone who picked it up?" Wen Yan wanted to find out if Wen Xiu was picked out, but in front of this old woman who was nearly sixty years old, she was too embarrassed to go first. Ask about your sister.Aunt He sighed and said, "Suyun has been picked up, and now he is picking up the younger sister. Wenxiu and Tang Sheng still haven't responded. Don't worry, I have to pick them out no matter what I say. I want to see people, and I want to see them." Corpse, you can do it here with peace of mind. To say something superstitious, this is also a good way to accumulate virtue. If you save one more person, your relatives will have more hope. This is not what we should say, but it makes sense ,right?"

Wen Yan nodded silently.Aunt He saw that she didn't speak, and she didn't say anything. She stared blankly at the doctors who were rescuing the wounded in the distance, and drank the glucose solution in small sips. "Auntie, why don't you talk?" "Oh, this man is afraid of being idle. Once he is free, his heart will be unclean. When you mention Wenxiu, I will think of my Liangzi. Wenxiu is missed by some people, and some people go out, but my Liangzi, too. I don't know what happened. Eighty percent of the children are under the pressure. If he is on top, for a long time, I have to come and see his mother."

With a loud bang, Wen Yan's mind immediately went into chaos. She felt as if she had committed a crime.She shouldn't have concealed the fact of He Liang's death from this old lady.Besides, at this time, Aunt He was able to take someone to the earthquake station to pick up her son, but she didn't go, she brought someone to pick up all the neighbors in the neighborhood.At this moment, half of He Liang's body may still be exposed to the scorching sun, or may have begun to rot, but she still wants this mother to save her sister, and she conceals the death of her son from this mother.Although this concealment was not motivated by any selfish purpose, it was just a kindly fear that the mother would not be able to withstand the blow.But now the facts are here, if she continues to hide He Liang's death, she will be the most despicable villain in the world, she will bear the guilt that cannot be redeemed for the rest of her life, and her conscience will continue to be condemned.She felt that she could no longer hide He Liang's death from this mother.But what if you tell her?what will happen to herIn case of an accident, what will she do, just to clear herself, just to avoid the condemnation of conscience in the future, in this cruel season, use this cruel news to torture this kind mother?Will my conscience not be condemned for doing this?

Wen Yan didn't know what to do. The dilemma made her feel confused. Tears welled up in her eyes, so she also turned her head and looked into the distance. Aunt He's heart can be said to be very delicate, otherwise it would be difficult for her to be the director of the neighborhood committee for so many years. There is no right and wrong in the families on the street that can escape her eyes. It's not easy to tell her about Wenxiu and other things.She stared at Wen Yan: "Yan'er, you have something to hide from me." "No, aunt, really not." Wen Yan made the aunt be at a loss when she asked, turned around in panic, and inadvertently panicked again.Aunt He said: "Don't lie to Auntie, Yan'er will not lie since she was a child. Tell me, if there is something you can't solve, Auntie will figure it out for you." Wen Yan stared blankly at Auntie, unable to speak for a long time Speaking of which, she was really not sure whether she should tell aunt at this time.Aunt He said quietly: "Let's talk, this time is not the time to hold things in your heart. Look at those dead people. What is bigger than death? You should think about everything."

"Auntie..." Wen Yan had tears in her eyes again, she glanced at Auntie, and lowered her head. "Say it, say it, if it can be done, auntie will do it, if it's not easy, we two will think about it together." "Auntie..." Wen Yan plunged into her arms and cried. Aunt He stroked Wen Yan's head: "But for Hai Guang?" "No, ma'am, no. If I tell you, ma'am, you'll have to stand it." "Auntie has come over so many Flame Mountains in her life, is there anything that Auntie can't stand?" "Auntie, brother Ryoko..."

"Liangzi? What happened to Liangzi? Tell me, what happened to Liangzi?" Aunt He was a little anxious, held Wen Yan's head in her hands, and urged her to ask her. "Auntie, I didn't want to tell you at first, I was afraid that you would feel bad, but if I didn't tell you, I really felt bad." "Stop talking about these prefaces, tell me quickly, what's wrong with Ryoko?" "Brother Liangzi... he's gone..." It was extremely difficult for Wen Yan to say these words, and after she finished speaking, she fell into her aunt's arms and burst into tears.After crying for a while, she found that the aunt hadn't moved. She thought it was time for her to comfort the aunt, how could she cry endlessly by herself?She raised her head and looked at Aunt He, only to see Aunt He sitting blankly, motionless, with no expression on her face.She shook Aunt He: "Auntie, what's wrong with you? Say something, say a word." Aunt He's eyes moved: "How do you know?"

"At the time of the earthquake, I was outside the seismic station. Brother Liangzi and Hai Guang were together. The earthquake struck, and they were both buried inside. I rescued Brother Liangzi, and we picked up Haiguang again. But in order to save Haiguang, Brother Liangzi, He just..." Wen Yan didn't dare to say that He Liang was cut in half by a huge prefabricated board, she really didn't dare to say it.Aunt He asked in a trembling voice, "Where is his body?" Even if he is dead, he should be carried back, let Aunt He take a look at it, even if he doesn't carry it back, he should find a place to bury him first, and he should not just leave him there like that .A kind of deep shame and self-blame made Wen Yan feel like burning inside. "So, you... just left him there?" Aunt He finally said this, her eyes were fixed on Wen Yan, so that Wen Yan didn't dare to look into her eyes, she just lowered her head and wept .Aunt He threw the bottle of glucose solution far away, then patted the ground with her hands and yelled, "My... son... ah..."

This cry was so sharp and piercing that the heavens and the earth trembled.Then she burst into tears, the cry was equally sharp and piercing, and dragged on for a long time, like a long howl of a desperate she-wolf on a lonely wilderness, after this long howl, it was followed by one after another that was equally sharp. During the long howls, she murmured: "My poor son, mother can give birth to you and raise you, but she can't save you..." Aunt He cried: "If mother had left earlier, you would You won’t die? Why don’t you let me go instead of my son...” This burst of crying was earth-shattering, tearing apart the bloody and deadly air in the ruins, and the tearing sound strongly stimulated They touched people's eardrums, and they glanced this way in unanimous agreement, but no one came over, and no one persuaded them. People knew in their hearts that this old lady had either lost her son, daughter, or wife. Who hasn't lost it?This is not surprising, people are surprised by the cry itself, people have coincidentally discovered the fact that Tangshan has not heard the cry since the moment of the earthquake, people have no time to cry, no time to grieve, People are busy saving lives and escaping, people forget to cry.Now Aunt He's cries reminded them that what was in front of them was not just a corpse, but death and sorrow.The men sighed softly, and were busy with their own affairs again. The women, those women who sat under the shade of the trees with their relatives, those women who lay in the shade of the trees and moaned for their pain, at this time But I couldn't help the sadness in my heart, one, two, sobbed softly, and then I don't know how many people also burst into tears.

Wen Yan was a little flustered, she didn't dare to persuade Aunt He, she didn't even know how to speak, what to say, Aunt He's sentence: "You leave him there", made her feel ashamed, there is nothing wrong with this In front of a mother whose culture has lost any scruples, she feels more and more small and humble, and feels the selfishness of her emotions, she has nothing to say, she hugs the trunk of the big tree tightly, her face is pressed against the trunk The rough bark also burst into tears. But at this moment, an ominous news spread among the people.The dam of the Douhe Reservoir has broken, and the flood is about to come down, and people will be drowned.There was a commotion, and people began to carry their loved ones on their backs and leave the place.The cries of the women could no longer be heard, followed by the men's urging voices and low-pitched abuse: "When are you still crying? It's too late to run for your life. Hurry up."

People who were anxiously waiting to lift their relatives to the operating table did not lift them at this time.The doctors and nurses suddenly had nothing to do, and they were also panicked and overwhelmed. Seeing that people were evacuating, they also wondered whether they should evacuate. Wen Yan discovered this situation, she stopped crying, stood up, and stared blankly at the commotion people, she didn't know why people were so commotion.A nurse hurried over: "Sister Yan, people have to run." "Why run?" "People say that the water in the Douhe reservoir is coming down."

Wen Yan's face turned pale. She walked over to the doctors and nurses, and said firmly, "No one is allowed to move, and everyone stays where they are." She gritted her teeth and shouted this sentence. I don't know why she shouted like that. At that moment, she only flashed an ominous picture in her mind. There was no one on the vast ruins. There were only countless dead bodies and countless wounded. Countless people under the ruins are looking forward to rescue under the heavy pressure, but what will come is a flood. She doesn't believe it will be true, or she just can't bear it. To accompany the dead and the wounded, to die with the people under the ruins, Aunt He's words just now made her feel that life is worse than death at this moment, and she doesn't care about anything. The doctors and nurses who were used to seeing Wen Yan who is usually quiet and quiet were also stunned. They had never seen Wen Yan with such a decisive or even decisive side. They looked at Wen Yan without saying a word. "This is a rumour, it's a rumour. The dam will not collapse. If the dam collapsed, the water would have come down long ago. How can we wait until now? Besides, the higher-level leaders will find a way, and our People's Liberation Army will come to rescue it. Don't panic." Wen Yan took a breath and said again. The doctors and nurses fell silent and returned to their posts. One of the surgeons said, "Next." The people who came to treat the wounds also calmed down. They believed Wen Yan's words. Now Wen Yan is the leader and the backbone in their hearts. A person cannot live without a backbone. Without a backbone, a person will collapse. Some relatives were placed on the ground, and some were lifted onto the operating table made of desks. Wen Yan saw that the people had calmed down, and her body was shaking a little. Someone behind her supported her. She turned her head and saw that it was Aunt He. Suyun's hands were dripping with blood, and the blood was dripping on the broken bricks and tiles. Several nails on her hands had already fallen off, but she didn't feel it, she just kept scratching.To save the little girl, one has to get into people and get rid of the things that are pressing on the little girl, but the hole that Suyun drilled just now is too small, so small that Suyun couldn't believe it. A hole was drilled out. She tried to drill a few times, but failed to get in. She regretted that she should not come out first. Now, if she wants to get the little girl out, she must first expand the hole. One can imagine the difficulty of expanding a hole in the board without any tools.Suyun yelled towards the entrance of the cave while scratching: "Little sister." "Mom." The younger sister agreed. "Little sister, are you in pain?" "Mom, I hurt." "Good boy, if you hold on for a while, mom will be here soon." "Mom, hurry up." "Well, mom is coming soon." Suyun didn't dare to stop her hand, nor did he dare to stop her mouth. He would rather hear the little sister cry out in pain than not hear her voice. As long as the little sister If there is still sound, then there is still hope.She believes that the little sister can hear her mother's voice, and the pain can be relieved.But those men couldn't hold on any longer, they were hot, tired, and they hadn't eaten since morning, so it was difficult for any one of them to hold on. No one issued an order to rest, but people were all sitting around the entrance of the cave, gulping. gasping.Only Suyun is picking up, but how strong her hands are, she wants to beg those men to hold on for a while, pick up the little girl and rest, because the aftershocks continue, who knows what will happen underground ?But she looked at those men who were gasping for breath, and really couldn't bear to let them use up their last strength for the sake of her daughter. Maybe they had already used up their last strength, otherwise they wouldn't sit down.But she really hoped they would try harder.She could only pick it up silently by herself, and she hoped that a woman's tenacious efforts would move these men and give them some strength. Aunt He hurried over. After crying, the old lady stood up again. She didn't look for her son's body. If she wanted to die, she couldn't live. What's the use of finding the body?Let's save the living first.In the face of such a rare catastrophe, the lightness and weight of life are highlighted in people's simple actions. "Why did you stop?" Aunt He looked at everyone with some dissatisfaction. No one spoke, the men just gasped for breath. Aunt He understood and didn't say anything. She walked up to Suyun and wanted to persuade Suyun to take a rest.A little girl's voice came from inside the cave: "Mom, are you tired?" "Mom is not tired, good boy, don't worry, Mom can go in soon." Suyun's tears flowed down, she didn't know how to answer the child. Aunt He was also speechless.The men all heard the little girl's words, none of them spoke, they stood up at the same time, they inserted several sticks into a prefabricated board above the hole, and they shouted at the same time: "Hey... "The prefabricated board was half lifted, and the hole suddenly became much larger, and Suyun slipped into the hole.The crowd dragged Suyun and Xiaomei out, and Suyun saw the younger sister's injury in the sunlight. The younger sister's scalp covered her eyes, and the pale bones were exposed on her head. Don't let go. "Mom, I still can't see you." Suyun didn't dare to speak, looked at Aunt He, and suddenly hugged the younger sister tightly, feeling that she was blind. Aunt He took the little girl's hand: "Don't be afraid, let's let Aunt Wenyan see the doctor right now, and Aunt Wenyan will take a look at it." Suyun said: "Yes, little sister is not afraid, aunt will take you to find Aunt Wenyan." "Where is Aunt Wenyan?" the younger sister asked. "Aunt Wenyan is in the hospital." "Where's Aunt Wenxiu?" "Aunt Wenxiu?" Suyun was speechless and turned to look at Aunt He. "Wenxiu, I don't know where the child fell, and there is no movement yet." Aunt He sighed. At this time, Suyun carried the younger sister and walked towards Wenyan's hospital, and Aunt He followed slowly.Wen Yan was busy, when she saw Suyun and Xiaomei, she couldn't help being pleasantly surprised. Although it was only a night away, she had experienced life and death. The living saw the living, and there was indescribable joy , and surprises.She took the younger sister from Suyun's arms. "Aunt Wenyan, I can't see you." The little girl recognized Wenyan's voice and hugged Wenyan's neck tightly. Wen Yan checked the little girl's wound and called a doctor. The doctor quickly cleaned the wound and prepared to stitch it up. "Don't be nervous, it's okay, it's a minor injury now." The doctor comforted Suyun while cleaning the wound, but in fact it was not consolation, he was telling the truth, in the face of a large number of deaths, no injury is too serious.Wen Yan hugged her younger sister and rubbed alcohol on the wound. The younger girl screamed: "Aunt Wenyan, I hurt, I hurt." Then she cried. Wen Yan coaxed the younger sister, and the younger sister's crying gradually weakened. Suyun and Aunt He stood beside Wenyan. They didn't know what to say. They all knew that Wenxiu was still buried under the ruins.Wen Yan also knew that Wenxiu hadn't been picked out yet, so she didn't dare to inquire about Wenxiu. She knew that Aunt He must be trying her best, so she kept inquiring, but she didn't believe her. "How is Hai Guang? When I was down there, I seemed to hear him talking." Suyun knew that Hai Guang was still alive, so he asked about him first. "He's alive and doing his own thing." Wen Yan's answer was lukewarm. "He...how did he leave? Didn't he help you?" Suyun's words blurted out, and she felt a little regretful when she said it. She felt that something seemed to have happened between Wenyan and Haiguang. "At this time, everyone has their own business..." Wen Yan's words were a bit sad, and it was difficult for Suyun to ask further questions. She raised her head and looked around at the ruins of the hospital. The flat land in the middle was where the doctors treated them. Two large sheds had been built with canvas to shade them from the sun.Not far away is a small forest, and the wounded are lying under the shade.The treatment of these wounded is obviously uneven.Some are covered with a piece of plastic sheeting, and the head is not covered, while others have set up a shed, which is made of all kinds of flower cloth, showing a lot of life under the shade of greenery.The pillows of those wounded were bundles of woolen material, and their bodies were covered with mats or sheets, and under the sheets was a thick layer of new wool. She was startled, it was a mess, Tangshan was in a mess, these things seemed to be picked up from the store.She asked Aunt He: "Auntie, didn't you see the people from the police station?" "did not see it." She glanced at the little girl in Wenyan's arms, and couldn't help feeling flustered. When the little girl was at the bottom, she forgot everything. There was only one little girl in her heart. Now that the little girl came out, there was another Su Yunfu in her heart. She came out, Suyun, a policeman, she felt that it was disgraceful, or at least not appropriate, for a policeman to patronize and guard her daughter at such a time.This is the time when the police are most needed. She should stand at her post, but if she goes by herself, what will my little sister do?She looked at Wenyan and Aunt He, not knowing what to do. After a while, she seemed to make up her mind and said to Aunt He: "Auntie, I have something that I don't know how to tell you." "What's the matter, just say it." Suyun suddenly thought of something and said, "I think... go to the police station and have a look, comrades don't know what's wrong." "Should, if you don't think so, I will look down on you too. This is the time when the police are needed. Don't worry, my little sister has me." Aunt He saw Suyun's behavior There's no need for her to talk about her worries, so she took them over by herself. "Aunt He is also in a mess. The younger sister can just leave me here. She can't leave the hospital anyway." Wen Yan said something, and Suyun felt a little embarrassed when she said it.Suyun looked at Wenyan and said, "Wenyan, normally, I should follow everyone to get Wenxiu sister out, but the current situation..." "Sister Suyun, you don't need to say these words. Look at me, don't I also work here?" Suyun didn't say anything else, she said to the younger sister: "Little sister, listen to Aunt Wenyan carefully, Mom will be back after a while." The younger sister is enduring great pain, and her wound needs to be rubbed with alcohol bit by bit. The pain can be imagined, but she actually held back and didn't cry any more. She just said: "Mom, come back early." Then she closed her eyes again, sucking in air . Suyun didn't dare to look at the little sister's wound, turned around and left. Suyun left, and the little sister's wound was cleaned, and the stitching went smoothly, and it was finished in a while. Wen Yan and Aunt He both heaved a sigh of relief. The child's father died when he was three years old. He is the vice president of the bank, and he usually has a very good relationship with everyone. If you say nothing, you will be gone.Everyone felt sorry for the child and treated her as their own. She was also very sensible and knew how to please people.Now that such a big wound was healed, she didn't cry a sound, she knew not to trouble the adults.But when she finished sewing, she said, "Aunt Wenyan, I'm hungry." Wenyan was at a loss for what to do, and Aunt He panicked. As soon as she said she was hungry, the two adults also thought of being hungry.Wen Yan still has so many doctors and wounded people to eat. They glanced at each other.Aunt He said: "Swallow, don't worry about this matter, I'll go find some food, I can't let people go hungry." Aunt He left after finishing speaking.But Wen Yan stopped her, and she asked Aunt He where to find food, and Aunt He said to go to the grain depot.Wen Yan said that Aunt He still had a lot of things to do, and she couldn't do without, and she was going to the grain depot.In fact, she felt that the grain depot was not too close to here. Aunt He was so old that she couldn't bear to let her go, but Aunt He misunderstood the matter.She said: "Can you leave here?" Wen Yan said: "Let me tell you, it will be fine if you leave for a while. If you don't eat something, the doctors can't stand it anymore." Aunt He said: "Then you go, I'm just worried that you will not be able to open your mouth with your kind face." Wen Yan said: "When is this, and what else will you be unable to open your mouth." Aunt He said: "Since this is the case, I will hurry up Go back and say hello, don’t worry, Wen Yan, I’ll find a way to get Wen Xiu out, I watched you both grow up, and they’re no different from my Liang Zi.” When He Liang was mentioned, Wen Xiu Yan couldn't help but feel a little sad.She wanted to say that she didn't mean to ask Aunt He to save Wenxiu quickly, but how do you say that? Could it be that there is no need to save Wenxiu quickly?Aunt He saw that Wen Yan was speechless, thinking that she remembered the scene where she was crying just now, and said to Wen Yan: "Yan'er, you know the temper of aunt, and now is such a time, aunt has something to say. If you don’t, don’t take it to heart, people should be closer after such an ordeal.” When she said this, Wen Yan was embarrassed again. It was something she should apologize for, but it was the other way around. up.She knew that it was useless to explain at this time, so she just said: "Where did the aunt say it? I have no taboo against aunt. I can't repay my aunt for the rest of my life." Wen Yan felt sore in her heart and shed tears . Aunt He felt uncomfortable, she pulled the little sister's hand, and left. Wen Yan put the little girl in a small shed, told a nurse to watch over her, and went to find food. Not far south from Wenyan's hospital is the Dayeli Station of the No. 3 bus, which is almost at the south end of Fuxing Road. Going south from here is Nanliutun, although it is still an urban area. But most of them are vegetable farmers in the suburbs. There is a national grain depot in Nanliutun, and Wen Yan went there.The director of the grain depot, whose head was bandaged in a flowery gown, was admonishing his surviving subordinates: "Everyone has seen the current situation. The whole city has been flattened, and the grain of every family has been thrown into it. We are here in Tangshan. We have the only rice bag in the rice tank, and our responsibility is even greater. I declare that from now on, all cadres and workers in the grain depot will not be allowed to eat, and they will not be allowed to touch a grain of grain in the grain depot, because if we touch the fireworks, someone will come If you want, come to borrow, come to grab, everyone must be prepared to face a more difficult situation, without instructions from the superiors, not a single grain of food here is allowed to go out, this is our current central task." After finishing speaking, he took everyone's Matches and lighters were all put away, which meant that people in the grain depot had to drink raw water even for drinking water. Then, everyone went to stand guard separately.Unable to get food, Wen Yan went to the municipal party committee to find Secretary Xiang. Xiang Guohua took her hand and held it tightly. He said, "Say hello to the comrades in the street for me." This sentence was very low and slow.Wen Yan's heart trembled, she felt a very heavy power, this power was not transmitted from Xiang Guohua's tone, but from his palm, a very deep and secretly surging power.This is a man. At this time, a man is ashamed of the love of his sons and daughters. Although he misses his son very much, maybe he also wants to run to the ruins of the bank to pick up his son. He could also hug his dead body and cry, but he couldn't do that, because doing so would lose his manliness. He expressed his emotions in a very depressive way, and the emotions appeared deep.But Wen Yan immediately denied her own understanding, this is not only a man's demeanor, aren't those men on the street exhausting all their strength to hold on to their sons, daughters, wives and parents?They shouted the names of their relatives on the ruins, and they begged anyone who could help them to save their relatives, and they didn't feel that it was unmanly to do so.Mostly because of his status, Xiang Guohua is the supreme leader of this looted city. He can't care too much about his son at this time. He can't take care of his son if he wants to command the people in the city to pick out his son , but he really couldn't let go of his son, his heart must be very tired, Wen Yan couldn't help feeling more sympathy for Xiang Guohua, a kind of sympathy for his father, her hand was in Xiang Guohua's , also like being held in the hand of one's own father, that hand conveys a feeling that is difficult to express in words.She couldn't help thinking of Hai Guang, she didn't know why she thought of Hai Guang at this time, she thought that Hai Guang was also like this man like his father, a man whose behavior was defined by his gender and identity, hiding behind his seemingly indifferent appearance A deep emotion?Was what he was doing incomprehensible to a woman?Just now I told Guohua that Haiguang had made great contributions to keeping the city, so is it understandable or even noble for Haiguang to walk away from him?If that's the case, she has wronged him. She can cry on his shoulder and ask his forgiveness with her tears. She is willing to do that. "Go, come to me if you have any difficulties. I will do it for you." Xiang Guohua shook Wenyan's hand and let go. On top of the vast ruins, a lonely woman, what other words can move her heart more than this sentence?Wen Yan's tears could no longer be controlled, and they flowed down. She immediately regarded Xiang Guohua as someone who could reveal her heart without any concealment. She took Xiang Guohua's hand: "Secretary Xiang..." "is there anything?" "Secretary Xiang, let someone else be responsible for that hospital. Even if I beg you." "why?" "I can't do it. I'd better be my doctor. There are more capable comrades who can do it better than me." "Aren't you the director of the department before? Why can't you do it? Facts have proved that you have done a good job." "Dean, it's a matter of uploading and assigning. It's easy to do. Now it's such a situation, and I have to expand the stall. It's really hard for me. I'm doing it. It's forced there. I can't do it. Okay, I can't do it." It’s easy to say. Secretary Xiang, even if I have difficulties, I will come to you.” "This... that's fine. I'll think about the candidate again. Is there anything else?" "Secretary Xiang, thank you, I'm leaving." Wen Yan turned around and left, she was afraid that she couldn't help but burst into tears.She is not only afraid that she will not be able to do it, she is afraid of that kind of responsibility.She was afraid that as soon as she became the person in charge, she would be defined by her status like Xiang Guohua. She knew that under such circumstances it was time to produce a hero, and any hero has the common feature of disregarding family members and affection Yes, she knew she couldn't do it, she still had Wenxiu to worry about, and Tang Sheng to worry about, she thought that the hospital had expanded and there were more people, so maybe she could find time to go home and pick Wenxiu and Tang Sheng together with the people. Come out, he can't throw everything away for his own career like Hai Guang and Xiang Guohua, she is not a man, she doesn't need a man's career, she is a woman, and among women, she is also the weak and tender kind, she Unable to avoid her intuition, she felt that she was ashamed of Wenxiu and Tang Sheng. If she and Hai Guang hadn't pulled Wenxiu and Tang Sheng back at the train station, they might be traveling by the seaside in Dalian now, or they might have spent their time. That sacred and mysterious night, maybe at this moment when they heard the news of the great earthquake in Tangshan, they were rushing to Tangshan to save her, Haiguang and Xiang Guohua, but now they were crushed under the ruins, and they didn't know whether they were dead or alive. The sin she committed, this feeling bit her heart, and she had no time to think about anything else.As for whether it was too selfish or too humble to give up a solemn responsibility at such a severe moment, she didn't have time to think about it. If she wanted to, it would be a matter of the future, long after the earthquake had passed. Watching Yang Wenyan leave in a hurry, Xiang Guohua didn't get in the car for a long time, watching her figure go away, too far away to be seen, but he was still watching.For some reason, Xiang Guohua immediately regarded Yang Wenyan as the only family member in this city, like his own daughter.He is like an old captain, commanding a broken ship full of holes that is about to sink, and fighting against storms in the boundless sea. The determination to die together, the extreme anxiety and extreme excitement, the extreme loneliness in the extreme anxiety and excitement, a kind of extreme nostalgia for family and family.What's more, at this time his son was sinking in the boundless sea. He watched helplessly, but he couldn't rescue him, even throwing a lifebuoy was impossible! At this time, the roads leading to Tangshan City were already filled with smoke and dust, motors roared, and battle flags were flying. The 100,000 troops of the Chinese People's Liberation Army were rushing towards Tangshan under the order of the Central Military Commission. When Yang Wenyan rushed to the hospital, Zhou Haiguang's car also arrived. Zhou Haiguang directed several soldiers to carry Company Commander Wang out of the car.Yang Wenyan went up to meet her.Wen Yan did not answer Hai Guang, and directed the soldiers to carry Company Commander Wang to a shed under the shade of a tree.Several doctors immediately surrounded him to check Company Commander Wang's wound.Wen Yan looked down at the doctors as they unwrapped the bandages on Lianchang Wang's arms.Hai Guang hesitated for a moment, but in order for Wen Yan to treat Company Commander Wang meticulously, he still told about the relationship between Company Commander Wang and Su Yun. "It was rescued too. It's in the shed over there." Wen Yan replied to Hai Guang while staring at the doctors operating. Company Commander Wang was already unconscious at this time, his face was pale and bloodless. Hai Guang was very happy when he heard that Su Yun was rescued.He hurriedly went to the shed over there to find his little sister. He wanted Company Commander Wang to take a look at his niece.Wen Yan was slightly shocked. He was so happy when he heard that Suyun was rescued, but he didn't ask others, such as Wenxiu, himself, and Tang Sheng. He didn't have these people in his heart.But now Wenyan didn't have the time to ask these things, these thoughts just passed away in a flash, she knew that he was because of Company Commander Wang, wasn't she also worried about the company commander of the People's Liberation Army who saved Tangshan?It doesn't matter whose brother he is. "How is it?" Wen Yan asked a doctor anxiously. The doctor shook his head slowly. Wen Yan looked at the other doctors in disbelief, and several doctors shook their heads at the same time. "Excessive blood loss." A doctor stood up and said. "How about a blood transfusion right away?" A doctor handed Company Commander Wang's arm to Wen Yan. Wen Yan pressed Company Commander Wang's pulse, which had stopped beating, and she went to feel the carotid artery, which also stopped moving. Wen Yan also stood up. Facing the dead company commander Wang, she didn't know what to do. Although she had seen too many dead people in the past half a day, this PLA was extraordinary. She didn't know how to explain to Xiang Guohua . Hai Guang came back, and he wanted to bring his younger sister to see Company Commander Wang. The younger sister was already asleep, and the nurse refused to wake her up. Hai Guang said her uncle was here, but the nurse said no one could do it. The child's wound had just been healed. Still don't know what's going on with the eyes, Wen Yan put down her words, she must take good care of her, without Wen Yan, no one can take her away, Hai Guang was so angry that he turned around to look for Wen Yan.Seeing Wen Yan and the others standing there blankly, he immediately had a premonition of ominousness and ran over. "How about it?" Wen Yan shook her head. “什么？你们一定要治好他，一定要治好他，你们知道么，唐山，是靠他保住的，若是没有他，我们这些人都得淹死，淹死，懂么？”海光暴怒地对着文燕咆哮，可是文燕仍对他冷静地摇一摇头。文燕的冷静态度使他更为激怒，他指着文燕和几个大夫，语无伦次地咆哮：“你们这些所谓的大夫，平时拿患者不当回事，如今在这个时候还拿患者不当回事么？一条生命，连你们一滴眼泪也换不来？一条生命，只配你们摇一摇头？你们的血是冷的么？”他象一个智力和素质都十分低下的患者家属，不顾身份体面地大叫着，边叫边流着眼泪，他以为谁都应该象他这样，对这位解放军的连长有一种超乎亲情之上的关切，一种刻骨铭心的感恩戴德，他忘了在医生面前，一切生命都是等值的，忘了在这场大地震当中人们对于死亡已经司空见惯，在一个已经被死亡弄得神经麻痹的城市，已经没有任何一种死亡能够引下人们的眼泪，人们已经无泪可挥。 “海光，你要冷静些。”文燕见他闹得实在不象话了，轻声说。 “冷静？在这个时候你还让我冷静？在这个时候你还没忘了冷静，为什么在你妹妹的面前你就不冷静了呢？”周海光果真象是疯了，他揪住文燕的衣领，冒着血光的眼睛紧盯着文燕：“你说，你说话呀？” “你让我说什么”文燕的声音带了哭腔。 “你说，你能把他救活，你说，你能把他救活。” 文燕摇摇头：“不能救了。” 她说得很轻，但很坚决。 “啪！”地一声，周海光扬起手，打了文燕一个耳光。 文燕被他给打愣了。她身旁的大夫们也都愣了，大地震以来，虽然人们的火气极大，虽然谁家都有伤者等着救治，但还没有发生过殴打医生的事情，人们对于医生给与了比平时多得多的信任和尊敬。几个医生都愤怒了，有人喊：“你疯了，我们不愿意救治吗？我们的家里都死了亲人，可我们在这里干什么？你怎么敢这个样？”周海光也愣了，他的手一下去他就愣了，他绝对没有想到自己会打文燕，他愣在那里不知所措。 “你们走吧，那边还有伤员要抢救呢。”文燕对几个医生说。 “不行，不能这么走，先让他把手撒了。” 几个医生不依不饶。 “你们走。”文燕对他们大声喊着。 几个医生发觉文燕的眼睛里淌出泪来，不得不愤愤不平地走了。 “你应该给他拍一张照片。”文燕依旧冷静地说。 她知道在这个时候要让海光冷静下来唯有他的相机，他看见他的相机还挂在他的脖子上，不停地摇晃。海光果然冷静了下来，他摘下相机，看着王连长，突然哭了，他说：“拍照有什么用，拍照有什么用。”他举起相机要摔下去，文燕不由一声惊呼，海光的手却停住了，蹲在地上抱头大哭。文燕看着海光默默无语，她不知应该恨他还是应该怜他，若是两事旁人，他也许可以理解他，理解一个男人的情感，理解他这种暴怒和无礼不是对她的，他是为了一个城市在发火，也许还可以称为崇高。可是他是自己的恋人，是自己要相伴终生的人，在这样大的一场灾难面前，他丝毫没有保护她，没有关心她，反而举手打了她，这样的男人是可以交托终生的吗？难道他不知道自己在这几个小时当中经历了怎样的磨难吗？他为了自己的事情可以忘了他的恋人，尽管他的事情也许很重大，也许象向国华说的，他为了保住这座城市立了大功，但是文燕还是无法原谅他。那是一种由心的深处生发出来的痛。她走了，去找人来为王连长换换衣服，清洗一下容颜，她不能让他浑身泥水的走，目前她能干的也只有这些了。 文燕让海光去找找素云，好歹也让她看上哥哥一面。海光去了。 素云的派出所民警伤亡了一大半，只剩了五六个人，这五六个人也大部带了轻伤，但是他们都到派出所来报到了，所幸所长还活着，所长召集这五六个人在派出所的废墟上开了一个紧急会议。地震之后的局面是严重的，抢劫已经成风，而且这种抢劫已经无法区分是否违法，比如人们没有衣服穿，到商店的废墟上面拣一件衣服，这算不算抢劫呢？眼下他们还没有时间去讨论这种事情，他们要防止的更大面积的抢劫风潮，那种不是因为必须，而是以发财为目的的抢劫，目前不但市内有人趁机抢了一些高档商品，郊区的农民也有人进城，甚至有赶着马车来的，冒充死者的亲属，把废墟上的东西拉了就走，这种局面若不及时制止，势必演成大范围的抢劫风潮。而且已经发生了趁乱强奸妇女的事件，这更是应该抓住苗头就打的。他们分片包干，各自去联系厂矿企业的民兵组织，看能不能抽出兵力组成巡逻小分队，先把局面控制住。素云跟警察们扒着东西，素云看见一个青年人一闪，呲了一下黄牙就过去了，她看着很面熟，可是又难以确定是谁。她怔怔地张望着。派出所张所长问：“素云你看什么呢？”素云警觉地问：“我看见一个人过去了，很象咱们逮进去的那个黑子。”所长肯定地说：“不可能，那是要枪毙的人，已经钉了死铐了，跑不出来，听说看守所的犯人已经全部转移出去了。” “我也说不好，一闪就过去了，可我看着象。” “还是干我们的事吧，素云你就重点负责你住的那家银行，那家银行至今也没上来人，看来是个重灾户，那个地下可有金库。”所长分派了任务，各人分头走了，这时海光来叫素云，看见素云他有点犹豫，撒了个谎说，你的哥哥王连长为了保护水库大坝负伤了，在文燕的医院里治疗，请素云赶到医院帐篷看望，海光就跟着她去了医院。 素云听说哥哥受伤心里一阵紧张，到了医院，文燕走过来告诉她王连长牺牲了。素云虚弱的身体颤了颤，海光急忙扶住了她。她看见向国华也到了，他是刚开完联席会议便赶到了这里，由河北省委、北京军区和唐山市委联合组成的抗震指挥部已经成立，解放军已经陆续进城，各个省市自治区的救援队伍也已陆续开来，唐山市的救灾工作已经全面展开，正是最紧张的时候，可是向国华没有忘记这位第一个为救援唐山牺牲的解放军连长。 素云来到医院，人们先把她领到向国华的面前。向书记亲切地问：“您是王素云同志？” 素云点点头说：“是，向书记。” 向国华别的话没说，朝旁边一让，素云走过他的身边，便看到了她的哥哥，他的哥哥穿一身崭新的军装，安祥地躺在一张担架上，就象是睡着了。素云轻轻地走过去，好象生怕惊醒了哥哥。她没有哭，她知道在这个场合是不宜于大放悲声的，况且她也已经没了泪水，自打由废墟里面出来，她见过了太多的死人，她知道死原来十分容易，只是那么几秒钟的事情。如今哥哥能够换上一身干净的衣服，能有市里的首长来为他送行。虽然哥哥不应该死，他地震时没在唐山，可是他毕竟死了，而且是为了救助唐山死的，也说得死得其所。 “大哥！”素云还是忍不住哽咽了。 她看着哥哥的一只袖管是空的，他的身下是洁白的床单，身上也盖着洁白的床单，盖着半截身子。素云只感到一阵安静，一阵出奇的安静，不是外面的环境安静，而是心里边安静，她也很奇怪自己为什么如此平静，平静得象一潭止水。偌大的唐山，嘈杂的废墟，人世间的善良与罪恶，都消失了，消失于一种洁白的床单覆盖下的睡眠，消失于哥哥安祥的象是睡着了的脸上。她蹲下身子，为哥哥正一正军帽的帽檐，哥哥的一根小手指露在床单的外面，她拉一拉哥哥的手，然后把哥哥的手塞进床单，全部盖严，她无言地站了起来。 “王素云同志，你还有什么要求，尽管提出来，我们尽最大努力去办。”向国华的语调是平静的，象是在谈公事。素云摇摇头：“向书记，没有什么，谢谢您，谢谢市委。”向书记猛咳了几声，仿佛要咳出血来，他激动地说：“不，应该谢的是他，没有他，如今的唐山市也许已经是一片汪洋了。你们把他好好安葬，找一个好辨认的地方，一定要想办法立一块碑，实在不行也要做一个醒目的标记。如今我们没有条件为他举办象样的葬礼，以后会的，我相信唐山不会忘记他，唐山人不会忘记他！我们抢险过后要给王连长立一块纪念碑！”他的后几句话是对着文燕、海光等人说的。 文燕默默地点点头。 向国华弯下身子，向着王连长的遗体三鞠躬。文燕等人也向着王连长的遗体三鞠躬。 她们的身后是数不清的遭了灾的唐山人，到医院来寻找医药的唐山人，他们听说一位解放军为了拯救唐山死了，都围了过来，就连那些不能走动的受了伤的人们也在他们躺的地方站了起来，他们一起向这位解放军的连长鞠躬。 没有一丝声响，似乎整个唐山都凝固了，人们的表情都凝固了。 只有极其轻微的咔的是响，那是海光按下了快门。 向国华弯下腰，扶住担架，他要亲自为王连长扶灵。 这时小妹由一个护士领着来了，本来文燕是不让把这个事情告诉小妹的，不让她来，因为她的眼睛还不能确诊，怕孩子一哭眼睛受了损伤。可是小妹不知听谁说她的舅舅死了，她便非要来看一看舅舅，护士没有办法，只好把她领了来。小妹的头上缠着绷带，眼睛也用绷带捂着，一只手由护士领着，一只手伸出来，摸着：“舅舅。舅舅，我怎么看不见你，你在哪儿啊。”护士把她领到舅舅的身边，小妹摸到了舅舅的手，舅舅的身子，舅舅的脸。“舅舅，你真的死了么？你没在唐山怎么也死了？妈还说，过几天把我送到你那儿去呢。舅舅，你死了我可去哪儿啊？舅舅，你可告诉我啊。”小妹的身子伏在舅舅的身上，放声大哭。 素云先忍不住，也哇地一声大哭起来，一哭，身子便要倒下。文燕一把扶住素云，也忍不住大哭。 医生哭了，护士哭了，地震的灾民们哭了。 向国华把小妹揽在怀里，小妹在他的怀里扑腾着，尖叫着：“我要舅舅，我不让你们把他埋了……” 向国华挥挥手，几个战士过来，抬起了担架。 “哥呀，咱怎么这么苦啊……”素云疯狂一般大哭着扑向担架，文燕和几个医生一起才把她拽住，她的身子往前倾着，挣脱着，大哭不止。 海光看见也落下了两行泪水。人们说这是不可能的，可海光说，他是亲眼看见的，当人们都在哇哇大哭的时候，谁也没有注意王连长的脸，只有他，他看了一眼，他是通过照相机的取景框看到的，他要为王连长拍最后一张相，便看见了王连长在落泪，而相机里的胶片也奇怪地没有曝光，三十二张胶片，哪一张都是曝了光的，唯有这中间的一张，是一片空白，什么也没有。地震过去多少年之后，海光仍然坚持说他确实看见了王连长在落泪，他一直在想，这位解放军的战士在死了以后想得是什么呢？他连他的性格脾气都不了解，除了抢险，他们几乎也没说过别的话，他就象一颗流星一样，一闪就过去了，可这颗流星的轨迹却在他的大脑里划下了深深的一道辙迹，再也不能抹去。他一直在猜测，他为什么会落泪。 送走了王连长，向国华要回去了，文燕和海光领着他来到银行的废墟上面。向国华说完，看了一眼埋着自己儿子的废墟，义无反顾地上车走了。“向书记，你放心，这里埋着的都是我的孩子。我们会救唐生问秀他们的！”何大妈冲着车里喊着。向国华伸出头来，朝她挥挥手，汽车缓缓开走了。 在黑洞洞的废墟里，文秀还在拉着唐生的手，她的双手紧紧握着唐生的手，把它放在胸前，不知道过了多少时间，她们也无法知道，时间对于她们已经失去任何意义，在一片黑暗之中，只有唐生的手是她的信心。她们埋得太深了，地震的时候，她的这个单元最先垮了下去，然后众多的单元才垮了，只差那么一两秒钟，就有了天地之别，她们压在了最底层，而素云却压在了她们的上面。她们只听得到隐隐约约有碰撞的声音，她们想那可能是人们在救她们吧，可是她们听不到人们的说话声，她们也曾用尽力气喊着救命，可是听不到任何回音，她们也就不喊了。她们要节省力气。他们不知道外面怎么样了，他们尽自己的想象猜测着外面的情景。 “别的楼也不知倒没倒？”文秀忽然有气无力地问。 唐生淡淡地说：“咱的楼倒了，别的楼没准也会倒的。” “整个唐山的房子都倒了么？” “那不可能，唐山是个多大的地方，怎么会都倒了呢？那样大的地震，咱还没听说过呢。”唐生总是比较乐观的。 “若是别的楼房没倒，人们怎么不来救我们呢？” “兴许一时还顾不上呢，一会儿就会来人了。” “我最担心我的姐姐，也不知她压着没有。” “怎么会都压着呢？我想她肯定没压着。” “她要是没压着，早来救我们了。我知道我的姐姐，她是最疼我的。她如今也没来，肯定是压着了。”文秀说着有些哽噎了。 “不会，也许医院忙，等一会儿就会来的。我担心我的爸妈，他们住的是平房，更爱倒的，不知他们压着没有。” “他们没有事吧？平房就是倒了，也好说多着呢。再说你的爸爸是市委领导，他压在下面，人们还不是先要救他呀。”文秀安慰着唐生。 “也不知姐姐和海光有事没有？” “何亮呢？他若是压着可就现了大眼了，预测地震的，让地震压着了……” “何大妈也不知有事没有，她若是没有事也会来救我们的，那可是一个极好的大妈。”他们几乎把所有认识的人都念诵了一遍。念诵完了，便没有话了。他们都在想同一个问题，要是再过一段时间还没有人来救他们怎么办，他们不得不冷静地考虑这种前景，这种前景的前面，还有一个前景，就是死亡，他们面对的是死亡，可是他们谁也不愿意把它说出来。不说出来，不是不想，越是不说出来，心里越想，越想，越想说出来。到底文秀忍不住了：“若是还没有人扒我们怎么办？” “这要让我好好想一想，我还没碰上过这样的事情呢。”唐生故意说得轻松一些。 “若是没人来救我们，我们就得死了。唐生，都是因为我，要是没有我的事，你何至于到了这一步。”文秀说着又哭了。唐生停顿了一下说：“秀姐，别说这些，就是死了又有什么了不起？和你死在一起，我死也甘心。”文秀捅了他一下说：“你不该说这些，谁让你说死了，你不死。”唐生的话让文秀感动，可也让她心悸，她的脑子里马上闪出一个画面，她和唐生都死了，死了，让人抬出去，人们围着他们的尸体看着，叹息。她让这个画面吓住了，她不让唐生说下去，好象这个话题是唐生挑起来的。 “好，不说就不说。”唐生很宽怀，他边说边往回抽着手。 “你要干什么。” “我……有些疼。”唐生说。实际上唐生的下半身是被压住了，他不能动，但是他没敢和文秀说，他怕文秀为他担心。他的胳膊伸到最大限度，才能让文秀够着，这么半天，他确实有些累了。 “我不让你回去，你摸着我，我的心里才有着落，要不，我怕。”文秀还是紧紧握着他的手不撒。文秀松了手，唐生把手抽了回去，两个人便又彻底分开了，谁也看不见谁，谁也摸不着谁，就象一个在世界的这头，一个在世界的那头。唐生抽回手来，是想先把压住自己下身的东西弄掉，然后再想法子救文秀。文秀提起死，深深刺痛了他。他不是个没心没肺的人，他的心思有时候比文秀要细得多。过了这么长的时间还没有人来救他们，已经使他感觉到事情的严重，他想这么等着来人救援不是一个办法，必须自己想办法出去。他搬动着碎砖乱石。 “你在干什么呀？”文秀听到了响声问。唐生说：“我想把周围的地方再弄大一些，也许还可以把这块板子旁边掏空了呢，那样我们不就可以到一起了。”文秀摸了摸周围的沙石：“我也来掏。”她摸索着在板子的周围掏起来。他们都能听到对方的响声，听到响声就知道对方的存在，就不感到特别的孤独，因此他们都不敢停下手来，因为一方没了声响，对方就会问：“你怎么了？”就像两只鼹鼠，在黑暗的洞穴中摸索着。 忽然来了一阵余震。震得钢筋和水泥哗哗响了几下。余震使文秀周围的空间更小，一块水泥板压下来，压住了文秀的腿，她不由发出一声叫喊：“唐生，唐生。”她听到板壁的那边，唐生在应答：“秀姐，你怎么了？”文秀显得很紧张：“我的腿，我的腿压住了。”唐生使劲伸了伸胳膊：“别怕，秀姐，你别怕，我正在往你的那边掏，马上就会掏通的。” “我也在掏，我也在掏。”文秀的双手也没闲着，她确实在不停地掏着，可是她只能由大块水泥板的缝隙当中掏出一些小的砖头，对于大块的东西她无能为力，何况她的身子不能往前挪动，她只能在自己的周围掏，但是她不断地掏，只要能听到唐生的声音，她心中的恐惧就会消失许多，只要她的手能动，她就有希望存在心里，当初压刚刚压在下面时那种强烈的恐惧已经好了许多，就连盼望人们快来救她们的念头也淡了些，眼下她只有一个念头，快些掏通了，和唐生会面，俩人到了一起，就会有办法，就能够出去。 其实，余震倒把唐生救了，余震使压在他腿上的水泥板活动，他趁着活动的空当，把两条腿抽了出来，然而一条腿砸断了，不能动，他拖着一条断腿往文秀的方向爬，双手往文秀的方向掏着，他怕文秀为他着急，没告诉文秀他的腿断了。他怕文秀有感觉，就强忍着，海劝慰着她：“我没压着，我能动，秀姐，你别急，不要说话了，出气要轻，要省着力气。” “不说话，我受不了。”文秀剧烈地咳嗽起来。 唐生说：“还是不说吧，要说，我说，你听着。” “嗯，我听着呢。” 唐生没了声音，只有哗哗啦啦的砖头的碰撞声，他抓着了一个绿军用书包，然后就兴奋地喊着：“秀姐……”文秀说：“嗯，我听着呢。”唐生显得十分兴奋：“我摸着了。”文秀问他摸着什么了？ “就是我们的火车票，去北戴河的火车票。你摸，在这里，这里是我的手。”唐生的手由板壁的下面伸过来。文秀在黑暗中摸索着，她摸到了唐生的手，唐生的手紧攥成一个拳头，文秀摸到了他的拳头，拳头便张开了，文秀由他的掌心里摸到一张火车票。她把火车票拿在手里，她看不见，但她可以感觉，她把火车票贴在了自己的脸上。是唐生那种惊喜的语调感动了她，在这种时候，他仍然把这张火车票看得那么重。文秀有些惭愧，觉得有些对不住他似的。当初和他一起走向火车站的时候，她的心里根本没有他那种激动，她不象一个新娘，倒象一个旁观者，她只是在无可奈何之中答应了他的要求，她的心里是苦涩的，没有一丝甜蜜，一丝也没有，如果说还有些什么可以使她激动的，那就是对他的感激。如今不同了，如今是在死亡环伺的废墟下面，如今她和他时时都在面对死亡，以前的一切一下子变得美好起来。她想，若不是姐姐和海光把他俩由火车站拽回来，没准儿他们如今还在火车上，她坐在靠窗的位置，他坐在自己的对面，墨绿色的窗帘是拉开的，车窗大敞着，风由车窗打着滚儿卷进来，吹得窗帘噗噜噜乱抖，吹得她的衣领，头发，睫毛，一起抖动，她朝着车窗外看着，车窗的外面是成片的树林，是海洋似的庄稼，最后看见的是北戴河碧波荡漾的大海。他们两人可从来没看见过海啊！ 在海滩上，唐生肯定会不错眼珠地看着她，就象在看一件世间少见的艺术品。我在他的心中果真那样美么？他为什么偏偏对我那样一往情深呢？我可是比他整整大了四岁啊。这一直是一个迷，让她难以索解，时时使她困惑苦恼。如今连这种困惑和苦恼都是甜蜜的回忆了，如果让她出去，他会毫不犹豫地对唐生说：“来吧，让我困惑一辈子吧，可是，再不会有苦恼。” 是啊，如果火车到了站，还会有苦恼么？ 当他们第一次住进同一个房间时，会发生什么事情呢？她不敢去想了，可是越是不敢想，越是要想，想到深处，就会有一种苦涩浮上来，她又想起了那个下午，那个恶棍以及醒过来之后的那种恶心和疼痛，她的心不由一阵紧缩。当初这种恶心和疼痛曾经迫使她去死，可是现在她却要活。当死亡远离自己的时候，自己去迎接死亡，如今死亡临近了，她又想躲开它。她不知道这是一种什么心理。莫非都是这一张车票引起的么？ 此时的文秀她把车票贴在脸上，感觉车轮滚动的声音，还有大海的涛声。她看不见，可是她能感觉到它，感觉到上面印着的车箱和座位的号码。她没有感觉到自己的手在下滑，可是她感觉到车票在下滑，由脸上滑到脖子上，由脖子上滑到胸前，滑到乳房，当车票贴紧在她的乳房上时，她一惊，她第一次意识到自己没穿衣服。昨天晚上太热了，她只穿着乳罩和短裤便睡了，地震之后，乳罩不知什么时候挂到了哪里，短裤也在不停的挣扎中撕得一丝不存，她是光着身子。虽然在一片黑暗之中，她什么也看不见，可是她能看到自己的肉体，黑暗中雪白的一团。她的手也贴在自己的乳上，乳房是柔软的，乳头却很坚挺，除了自己，还没有人在这上面印下过手迹。除了那个恶棍，可是那个恶棍是否摸过自己的乳房？她说不好，她不记得，她但愿他没有摸过，但愿他给她保留了一块处女地。但，即使他曾经摸过了，又该如何呢？她还是她，她的肉体仍是她的肉体，她仍然是纯洁的。此刻她倒是很愿意快些和唐生到一起，让唐生紧挨着自己的肉体，甚至让他的嘴唇在自己的乳上亲吻，让他把乳头轻轻地含在嘴里，用他的嘴唇贪婪地吮吸，用他的舌头轻轻地舔，当他吮吸的时候，有一种疼痛，由乳房的深处，象一条线一样，一直疼到乳头的上面，疼得好醉人。当他舔的时候，是轻轻的，象一只小猫在舔她的手，一种痒痒的，酥酥的，麻麻的感觉，使她的乳头膨胀，使她的乳房膨胀。她便轻轻揽住他，轻轻摸着他的头发。 不知道为什么，每当她设想着有朝一日她将和唐生生活在一起起时，她的意识深处浮起的不是对那种热烈的亲吻和拥抱的期待，而是这种对于乳房的亲吻和吮吸，这，也许是因为她比唐生大的原因吧？她忘记了眼前的处境，忘记了自己是在废墟之下，周围是死亡，死亡正在一步步地向她