Chapter 29 Chapter Eleven

Thoughts are still flying freely, like a white dove, like a vigorous eagle, vibrating its strong wings carefree and dignified under the blue sky.The imprisoned body gradually changed from a tree-trunk-like upright to a bow-like hump.The wind and frost are like swords, and the years make people old. Labor turns apes into humans, and slave labor turns people back into apes.The long-term super-intensive slave labor made Ji Boshun's waist gradually unable to stand up anymore.Frequently nodding and saying "yes", and frequently standing at attention and bending over, further strengthened the depth of this hunched posture.

The long-term separation of mind and body creates a de facto dual personality.In "A Man Faithful to Faith", Ji Boshun himself had to admit that dual personalities exist objectively.This existence reached its apex in 1965, when his thought was reformed.This year, he was released early and stayed to work, and was approved to visit his eighty-year-old mother in his hometown in western Henan.That year, Ji Boshun was already sixty-two years old. It was only later that Ji Boshun found out that he was released early and was allowed to go home to visit his relatives because a chief executive from Beijing had spoken.The chief said, we have even reformed the emperor, how can we not reform a Trotskyist in fifteen years?If we can't reform a single Trotskyist in fifteen years, what kind of Communists are we? !

The chief executive from Beijing is Gao Ming, who went south to Qingpu and said this while inspecting the work. Ji Boshun was indeed reformed. He nodded and bowed when he saw everyone, and smiled cowardly when he saw everyone.The youthful and undefeated revolutionary of the past has completely disappeared in the course of his life.So much so that when they met in the small town of their hometown in the west of Henan, even his mother and younger brother didn't dare to recognize him today.When he talked to them, he always stood up involuntarily, with a submissive smile on his face, and spit out a series of monotonous and bitter "yes" for no reason.To greet his nephews and nieces, he would also bow his gray head and bend his waist at ninety degrees.Ji Boshun hardly dared to look at his younger brother and daughter-in-law who were frequently submitting applications for joining the party. Sometimes, when they accidentally met each other, he would laugh dryly and dodge aside like a thief.

Nephews and nieces all said that Ji Boshun looked like an old spy, and his sister-in-law said that he acted like a reform-through-labor prisoner.The younger brother—the younger brother whom his mother had met when he went to the Shanghai Kuomintang Prison in the arms of his mother, refused to admit that he was his own elder brother. Ji Boshun heard his younger brother tell the neighbors more than once that he was the one they met when they were in Shanghai. Neighbors who do small business. Only the mother recognized him as her son.He bought five boxes of substitute lotus root powder, three catties of dried salted fish and two catties of hard candy for his mother, which he could afford only by tightening his belt.My mother cried when she took these things.

Mother just cries.Seeing his nephew and niece roll their eyes at him, my mother cried; seeing my brother and sister-in-law entertain him with cabbage and carrots, my mother cried; hearing my brother brazenly introduce his identity to the neighbors, my mother could only cry.On the third day, my mother finally wiped away the incessant tears in her eyes, got up tremblingly from the bed, tore off the pillow case of her own pillow, took out the eighty-three yuan that had been saved for a long time, and grabbed Ji Boshun's hand. Said: "Shun'er, let's go, we don't live here, we have money, we... let's go to the hotel!"

This is quite a feat for a mother who has endured hardships and endured humiliation all her life.His sixty-two-year-old son's heart was blown away by the feat.When Ji Boshun walked out of his younger brother's house with the help of his old mother, his waist straightened all of a sudden. There was only one small carriage and horse shop in the town. With the release certificate, Ji Boshun registered in the dormitory book, and lived in a damp and dark so-called "double room" with his mother.On the second day after Ji Boshun stayed in the guest room, a policeman from the township police station came and reprimanded him in front of his mother, warning him to be honest and not to talk or act indiscriminately.

As soon as the police left, his mother stroked Ji Boshun's shoulders, and the muddy old tears filled his eyes again, and asked in a choked voice, "...Shuner, what's going on? Why have you been in prison all your life? In 1933, you When I was in prison in Shanghai, I went to see you, and you said you were a Communist Party member and engaged in revolution. After the liberation in 1947, you were still in the prison of the Kuomintang. I knew you were still engaged in revolution even though you didn’t say so. But after liberation , The Communist Party is in charge, why are you still squatting in prison? Why have you become a counter-revolutionary again?"

Ji Boshun really didn't know how to answer his mother's question.Mother did not know Trotsky, did not understand revolutionary Marxism, did not understand the real proletarian revolution.Not to mention the arduousness, complexity and cruelty of this revolution.And he couldn't express his thought process in easy-to-understand words in just a few days, so as to gain his mother's understanding.So, I just said lightly: "Mom, because I don't want to give up my belief!" Mother raised her old and confused face: "Faith? What is faith?" "It is... a purpose that you believe in and are willing to strive for your whole life."

"Shun'er, then...then what do you believe in?" "Marxism!" My mother was even more puzzled: "Hey, your belief is good! Who doesn't believe in Marxism nowadays?! Your brothers and brothers and daughters-in-law all believe in it! But why do you believe in Marxism and still go to the prison of the Communist Party?" Back to the question, Ji Boshun smiled wryly: "Mother, you don't understand. There are many people who say they believe in Marxism, but some people are true believers, and some people are false believers!" Mother asked: "Do you really believe it?"

Ji Boshun nodded solemnly. The mother breathed a sigh of relief: "That's good!" However, as soon as the words fell, the mother asked worriedly: "Since it is true, why are you still in the Communist Party's prison? Could it be that you did something bad without telling your mother? Became a traitor. ?” Ji Boshun was moved, and impulsively pulled his mother's hand into his arms, lowered his head and pressed his gray head to his mother's arm, rubbed it, and said, "Mother, others don't understand me, you old man still doesn't understand me." Didn’t you persuade my father to let me go when I was wearing a blue coarse cloth in the summer when I was sixteen? Learn to make progress', I have been remembering this until now!"

The mother fell into infinitely affectionate memories: "Yes, that was the eighth year of the Republic of China. According to the current statement, how many years did it last?" "Mom, it's 1919." "Yes, at that time, your second younger sister and third younger brother were born, and our small shop is still going on." "After the outbreak of the Anti-Japanese War in 1938, I returned home from Shanghai, and you said to me again: "Shun'er, you are a person who does big things, mother knows, mother will not stop you, but you have to keep in mind, no matter No matter what big things you do, you must first be a good person! The world is too chaotic, and it is not easy to be a good person!'” Tears welled up in the mother's eyes: "Yes! Yes! Your father had passed away at that time, and your little sister Bo Hua was only twelve years old. You liked her, and she also liked you. You are leaving, Bo Hua does not care. Let you go, hold your leg and cry, cry until your eyes are red..." "In 1947, when you and my younger sister Bohua visited the prison in Qingpu, you told me again, 'Shun'er, we are already in this prison, so we need to have a bit of backbone, we can't confess to them, and entrap others!'" "Yes! Yes! Bohua was twenty-one years old that year, and he cried so sad when he came back from visiting the prison! Alas! I can't mention it. Bohua met Fu Yuewen in the autumn of that year. She said that she would stay with you in Qingpu, Later, she married Fu Yuewen, who was a postman at that time! Bohua said that she and Yuewen often went to visit you in prison, right?" Ji Boshun nodded: "Sister Bohua comes here almost every month." "Among my group of sons and daughters, she is the only one who is the most filial! If she were with Bohua, she would definitely not let our mother stay in the hotel..." Ji Boshun put his mother's arm down: "Mother, I will remember your instructions every time! How can I be a traitor and betray my comrades? Mother, others don't believe me, you have to believe me, your eldest brother My son Ji Boshun has never done anything bad, never! Mother, you have to trust me!" After saying that, his knees softened and he knelt down in front of his mother. The mother touched her son's shoulders with trembling hands, and said repeatedly: "Believe it! Believe it! Mothers believe it! Shun'er, get up!" Ji Boshun couldn't afford it, and raised his gray head, "Dong Dong Dong", and kowtowed three times to his mother, then, with his face full of tears, he said to his mother: "Mother, son, to the society, to the country, to the revolution, I have no shame in my heart! Keer is ashamed of my mother and you! You have raised your son, except for hard work, constant visits to prison, and fear, and nothing good for him! Mother, you have never been born like this! Be a big boy!" The mother whimpered and cried: "Shun... Shun'er, you... your life is so miserable! It was your mother who harmed you! Mother... Mother gave birth to you, and she... just killed you!" After crying for a long time, my mother stopped, wiped the tears off her face with her dirty sleeves, and said decisively: "Shun'er, get up! Go get a taxi ticket, mother will follow you, and follow you to the salt field!" Didn’t you get released by the government and work there? Let’s live together from now on! Let’s go! Let’s go now!” Ji Boshun stood up slowly, pondered for a long time, and finally shook his head: "Mother, you can't go to that place! Although I have been released in name, I am still similar to a prisoner. If you go, you will suffer." Yes, I can't bear it!" Ji Boshun suggested to his mother to stay at his brother's house in the town.Mother had no choice but to agree. The next three days were pleasant and fulfilling. His sixty-two-year-old son and his elderly mother seemed to have become much younger all of a sudden, and they were surprisingly energetic.The mother and son had long talks day and night, centering on a lonely son and a suffering mother, and on the history of an ordinary family in Chinese society for more than half a century. During these three days, Ji Boshun temporarily forgot his faithful belief, his humble identity, and his miserable experience, and lived only as a son.He always made his mother sit and lie down, poured tea for her, prepared and served her meals, washed her feet, and even helped her go to the toilet by himself. Three days passed, and Ji Boshun was about to leave. His mother gave him the unspent fifty yuan and asked him to take it with him.Ji Boshun was determined not to bring it.His mother was angry, so he had to put it in his arms.Before leaving, Ji Boshun stuffed the money back into his mother's small bundle while his mother was not paying attention. Ji Boshun got into the car and waved to his mother, who also waved to him.He cried, and my mother cried too. This has become a forever formula. Half a month later, my mother came to Qingpu from her hometown town in western Henan, where she lived with her youngest daughter, Ji Bohua.Half a year later, his mother was critically ill, and Ji Bohua sent the old man back to western Henan.Not long after arriving in the west of Henan, my mother died of illness, and she was still thinking about Ji Boshun when she was dying.But the cruel younger brother, younger brother and daughter-in-law were dying and did not let Ji Boshun and his beloved mother meet for the last time.Ji Boshun learned the news from a letter from Qingpu's younger sister Ji Bohua after his mother was buried.At that time, the unprecedented "Great Proletarian Cultural Revolution" had already begun.