Chapter 9 Chapter nine

Three years later, Xiao Man grew up with the red sweater, but the red sweater was worn by her younger sister.The mother's argument is that the younger sister has fair skin, Xiao Man has dark skin, and she wears red country style.The mother didn't want to say that the master was done by her stepfather, but she was afraid of creating a deep hatred between her daughter and her stepfather, so she took it upon herself.The mother looked like "you still think that I am not difficult enough, but you still want to embarrass me to death".Xiao Man didn't say anything, leaving her dying mother behind, and went back to the pavilion.The next day she found the red sweater in her sister's closet and looked at it in the sunlight. Even though it had been worm-eaten into a sieve, it was still so red, and the red faintly fainted in the surrounding air.It was an era of advocating red, and all the heroines on the stage wore red.When the dead father married his mother, he ordered this wedding dress for his mother in a sweater workshop.His mother dressed younger and younger, and he seemed content to carry a baby-like bride into the bridal chamber.If the father is alive in heaven, he will be sad in heaven if he knows that the red sweater is not for his own daughter and dresses up someone else's daughter as a doll.She somehow found the end of the cuff thread and unraveled it.The sleeves gradually disappeared, the collar also disappeared, and the sweater disappeared bit by bit in her hands, and she became a seam-removing machine, moving mechanically evenly, running according to the rhythm of a mantra in her heart: "Make you red! Make you red! Make you red!"

In one night, she turned the red sweater into a pile of squiggly threads during this spell.Staining was performed overnight.During the day, she was watching an aluminum pot in the alley, and the pot was thrown at the door of a neighbor's house, waiting for the waste station to collect it.The original function of the basin has been invalidated, because the old cat who used it as a bathroom for more than ten years died.She put the aluminum pot on the gas stove and boiled a pot of water.As the water boils, the smell of the cat litter box etched into the aluminum rises faintly.She threw a bag of black dye into boiling water, stirred the pot of black water with a wooden stick, and threw a pile of red threads into the vortex of the black water, with the same mantra in her heart: "Make you red! Make you red! Make you red!" Red!" She followed the rhythm of the incantation, watching the red being submerged in the Gududu black water, it turned black.

The next morning, no one knew whose family owned the fine black wool hanging on the public clothesline in the alley.As for the aluminum basin, it has long been thrown into the trash can on the main road outside the alley.On the second night, Xiao Man took back the black wool, put it on her knees, and wound the wool alone. The broken ends were carefully connected, and as a result, several large balls of decent new wool were wound out.She went to the district library to borrow knitting magazines, and knit in the dead of night.Until spring came again, my sister was about to change her clothes, and she yelled that the red woolen sweater was missing.Xiao Man naturally became the number one suspect, but no one could force a confession.My mother went to school to inquire, and to the theatrical performance team where Xiaoman was, but no one had seen her wearing that red dress.

One night in autumn, Xiao Man finished knitting the last stitch and put away all doubts and conjectures.The next morning, after washing up, she put on a new sweater, which was as black as a black hole in the universe.Her own father, mother, and her little man, the past they shared and no longer had, were all buried in black.Black, the richest, most complex, and most forgiving color, it accommodates the coldest and warmest color spectrum, thus pushing all colors to the extreme.Black fleece sweater, fake military trousers with wide trouser legs, and dozens of barrettes for wild hair. When Xiao Man walked into the alley, people whispered: "What happened to the oil bottle? She became a beauty overnight!" "Beauty? Lai San! (Female Ah Fei)"

Mother is the only one who sees through how black hides its filth.In the morning, she saw Xiaoman's slender and coquettish back, and she remained calm. Like all middle schools, Xiaoman's school is also "resuming classes to cause revolution", and the revolution is the main thing, and there are no serious classes for resuming classes.Every afternoon, the school art team rehearses, and my mother finds Xiao Man in the auditorium wearing a black sweater and kicking her legs down.The mother stared at the black sweater and saw the whole process of the red sweater's dismemberment case.When he got closer, he could see that there were many severed heads hidden in the black sweater.The holes made by moths are broken when they are disassembled into threads. How much effort is needed to connect them. My daughter can go to a textile factory to work as a car stopper.Such a beautiful red dress was buried in this black, and it was revived with this ghostly black.What else do you see?Where did those two pompoms tied around the neckline go?The mother grabbed the collar of the black sweater and reached in to find it. The pompon acted as the part of her daughter's youthful development that was always lacking.

"Do you want a face?" Mother looked at the two pompoms. Xiao Man said nothing. The mother raised her hand and slapped her daughter twice. Xiaoman looked at her mother who had gone away, and the spell began to echo in her heart again: "Make you popular! Make you popular! Make you popular!..." At first, she thought that she had sealed up the things shared by the three of them, but now her mother picked her up. When they came out, only she and her father were left in the coldest and warmest black. That night, Xiao Man put half a basin of cold water in the bathtub and soaked herself in it.In March in the south of the Yangtze River, the cold water at night is still cold enough to cause a high fever.Ten years ago, it was a high fever that made my mother hug her for a long time.A high fever made the mother return to her own mother.In the past ten years, she was too disappointing, and she never had a decent fever.She soaked in the cold water for a full hour, and her own temperature of thirty-six degrees and fifty degrees warmed half a basin of cold water. It can be used by Xiao Dan on the stage to smooth things over.Well, when it was time to soak, she happily pulled herself out of the tub as she wished.

At dawn she was icy cold.No fever, no illness.Then soak in the next night, it was still cold all night.She was so active in looking for illnesses, but why didn't illnesses come to her?On the third morning she decided to be "sick" and not get up.The first one to visit is the nanny.The nanny came to her to queue up to buy breakfast for her stepfather.After the nanny left, the mother came in a hurry, with a deep mark from the embroidery on the pillowcase on her cheek.She stretched out her hand, which seemed extremely soft at the moment, and touched Xiao Man's forehead, then touched herself, and trembled all over: No!Why is it so much cooler than a living person? !She lifted the quilt and gently rubbed her daughter's body with her soft hands.It wasn't the hand that slapped her, it was her hand that was stroking the strings.The mother was horrified again: It's too wrong, why is the body of a living person at this temperature? !She simply got into bed and hugged her daughter as tightly as last time... no, tighter.The daughter was lying facing the wall, and her mother, who was half a head taller than her, hugged her from behind, holding her so tightly that the heat of her blood melted into her blood through two layers of skin.She felt that she was being held small, getting smaller and smaller, so small that she could be repacked into her mother's body, put into her womb, and returned to the furnace there, and when she came out again, she had the same status as her younger brothers and sisters .

Mother didn't say anything.It's too complicated to say, how can I make it clear?These two women must have their own language to speak clearly: their own language is a code for everyone else.From that moment, Xiao Man realized that there was someone more deformed than her in this family, and that was her mother.The mother's transformation must occur at any time, and different shapes must be shown in front of different relatives.It is conceivable that every change of shape is not without pain and trauma.Realizing this, Xiao Man decided to leave home. This day is the beginning of He Xiaoman, and she wants to find a way out of the family.

Do you know Shanghai in 1973?There are recruitment points for various army art groups across the country.Because of the Lin Biao incident the previous year, the army stopped recruiting for one year.He Xiaoman's name appeared on every candidate registration book.She was unyielding, and made extraordinary use of the skills developed by the school's literary and art team. When she walked out to the eleventh admissions office, a voice came from behind: "Little devil, wait a minute!..." He Xiaoman turned her head, what if it was her who called.It was really her who called.I imagined how Xiaoman used her most superior eyes to the extreme at that time, making the eyes act as two lights to illuminate her mediocre facial features.At that time, the army chiefs called us brats. "What is your surname?"

The "head" of admissions looked at the registration book and waved to her.This "head" is Hao Shuwen.Although Hao Shuwen is only one year older than the "little ghost" she calls, she already exudes the majesty and kindness of a chief.I remember that Xiao Hao participated in the mission to receive troops, and specially demonstrated dance moves to the candidates, and tested the candidates' imitation ability and dance feeling.Xiao Man's ability to imitate is very strong, and several years of school performances also gave her a lot of performance experience. In addition, there were such little soldiers in various dance dramas at that time. There is a lack of small girls who can do somersaults.He Xiaoman can do many kinds of somersaults. We think this has something to do with her not being afraid of death and not sacrificing pain. Anyway, no one hurts, so she breaks and falls down.I got to know her better later, and one day I suddenly realized that she had a subconscious desire to die.She is certainly not aware of it, but judging by her love of sickness, of pain, of danger, I feel that perhaps I understand her better than she does.

Hao Shuwen called Xiao Man to stop, and Xiao Man turned around and walked towards her.It was one of the biggest turning points in her life.She looked at the tall and beautiful northern female soldier in front of her, unable to move.When Hao Shuwen was walking on the road, middle school students would chase several tram stops, just like they chase singers and stars today. Hao Shuwen couldn't move either, she was pinned there by He Xiaoman's eyes.What kind of eyes does this kid have? He usually avoids you and doesn't look at you, but once he looks at you, he has a frightening cohesion!Hao Shuwen asked He Xiaoman to write down her home address, and if she needs to retest, a notice will be sent to her home.What must be mentioned is He Xiaoman's attire that day. She was wearing the black sweater with many knots, which stretched tightly around her body like a wooden stick.What Xiaoman wrote in the registration book was the address of the performance team's counselor's home.After the death of her own father, only this counselor has gained all of Guo Xiaoman's trust.She kept it in mind that if the "head" of the admissions office visited, the counselor would not speak ill of He Xiaoman. Three days later, Xiaoman received a retest notice.This time she took her life out for the retest.Somersaults that were not practiced normally also showed up. A front somersault failed to stand firmly, and the whole person fell backwards, and the back of the head was not spared.At that time, everyone screamed, thinking that she must have fallen into something wrong, but she jumped up and smiled with everyone with a painful face.It was this crooked smile that completely moved Ms. Yang, the first long dance teacher recruited.For a girl who is not afraid of death, let alone pain, is there anything to be afraid of?He had seen in her the "little warrior" of the various dances of the future. In this way, He Xiaoman is irreversibly heading towards our collective. In the story of Xiao Man I wrote in the past, I first gave her a so-called happy ending, let her have the best of all hardships, and entered into a marriage with a man who is now called "the second generation of officials", but he was just a good "second generation". So good that it can roughly realize the ideal of "tall, rich and handsome" young women today.Looking at it decades later, I am very embarrassed to write about Xiaoman's marriage and love destination.Giving her such an ending will make up for the six or seven years we used to bully her and abuse her?More than ten years later, I wrote the story of Xiao Man. Although I didn't use my pen to pimp her, something went wrong while I was writing. I was controlled by the story, not me.Now I will give it a try and let Xiao Man go through that period of life again. If we dig through my pile of old photos, we can find out the first impression He Xiaoman gave us.In the photo, He Xiaoman is wearing a new military uniform that has never been wet, with a military cap covering all her hair, and a road sweeper wearing a dust cap.The photo was taken on the first week after she enlisted in the army. Her eyes were looking forward, not at the photographer in front of the blackout cloth, but at the one who cut off her own history and all the light ahead. In front of her, she pursed her lips tightly, making the corners of her mouth a little bigger, which was the popular lip shape of Li Tiemei back then.He Xiaoman was a soldier in 1973, and I was already called Xiao Veteran (you can also hear it as a little veteran).I was temporarily transferred to the recruit company to give internal affairs guidance to the recruits.I can fold a quilt as square as a brick, just as stiff and warm.Another skill I have is to pack a backpack with my eyes closed. I close my eyes and bundle the loose cotton quilts into a backpack that is one and a half feet wide and one foot and eight long. It only takes forty-five seconds.At that time, I secretly fell in love, and openly strived to be a well-educated child, so everything was done viciously.In the spring of 1973, there were ten female recruits from Shanghai. There were twelve common bunks in a simple barracks. The first bunk belonged to the squad leader, and the last one belonged to the deputy squad leader.Veteran Xiao temporarily slept in the position of the deputy squad leader.He Xiaoman walked into our field of vision like this: the military cap was worn to his forehead, and there was no hair behind the cap. At first glance, he looked like a little boy.Someone discovered the problem within two weeks: He Xiaoman never took off his military cap.The lights out trumpet blew, her hat still on her head. Shanghai dialect is very suitable for whispering.The conclusion that was whispered quickly came out: "It must be a dysentery." Those recruits were all fifteen or sixteen years old, and they felt that recruit training was not fun, so they wanted to find something to play with.So someone suggested that during the assassination training, they would pretend to miss the target and use a wooden gun to pry He Xiaoman's hat away.It soon became apparent that playing like this might be a big game: if you pick it wrong, pick it on the eyes, or the weight of the hand is wrong, and the wooden spear hurts her, then it's a big game.Where is the recruit company?It is the place to return the goods: once defective products are found, where did they come from and where are they returned.Therefore, three months of recruit training is a probationary period, and no one can cause trouble, otherwise the probationary period can end at any time. You come to Chengdu from Shanghai, and the only thing you get is a new military uniform.It's not worth exposing a dysentery at the risk of being returned by the army. A week passed, and He Xiaoman's military demeanor was impeccable day and night.Iron nails are nailed on the wall above the bunk, and military uniforms and military caps are hung. It is possible to "wrongly" wear someone else's hat.In our eyes, the squad leader of the recruit squad is a regular army, from the communications regiment.She is the only one who wears a watch and owns a travel alarm clock.We got the idea of ​​her alarm clock.As soon as we heard that we wanted to borrow the alarm clock, the squad leader immediately pulled up the line of defense and asked us "what do you want to do", but his tone already concluded that we "can't do good things".She rolled her eyes at us and smiled: "No." She was straightforward.We have a way without borrowing it, and secretly set her alarm clock to 5:58, which is two minutes earlier than the wake-up call.Two minutes is enough for us to turn on the lights, so that the secrets under He Xiaoman's military cap can be revealed. The recruits plotted that once the alarm clock rang, the person on He Xiaoman's right would "wrongly wear" the hat.