Chapter 18 The wind blows away the love

I am, as Dante said, "already in the middle of my life," and yet I am sometimes still a lost man.Among the things lost in life, those small things are still clear to me, such as love.Now people have finally discovered the secret: love does not exist.Love in its absolute sense is an invention of medieval knights, almost imaginary in fact.For about 5 years in my life, people believed that love was a real thing, and in that paradigm of love, material things were very secondary and pain was the sweetest thing.People were much more realistic before and after that.I have no real regrets about that era, which flashed by chance like a phosphorous fire, and then disappeared quickly.However, what are the important things that are lost in life, or that are lacking?I don't always know.

I think we all live in oblivion.In the morning I get up with an empty head, and at night I go to bed with an empty head.Maybe you are not like this, then I hope you will always have this illusion.The monthly salary will be transferred to my salary card, and then transferred to another bank card, which will automatically repay the loan on time.I enjoy unprecedented convenience, but I don't want to sing about our time the way Whitman sang about America. Life has shown me that it is full of miracles.My cousin went from a school dropout to a billionaire, and my cousin went from a handsome doctor to a truck driver who was her girlhood idol.In the same family, people's status fluctuates, there is no certainty.I looked at my family tree earlier. When I was young and vain, I hoped that I was born in a family worthy of boasting like everyone else, but all I found were some of the most common names. My ancestors even had money and concubines. are very few.Today, I live a life they never dreamed possible.I have a little machine that I carry around with me, and I can use it to talk to people thousands of miles away.People can also use it to bore me at any time, which used to require a spell to do it.We have things that our ancestors could not have in ten generations and what they called "girls" in the cold land of Northeast China.We live by a desire to prove ourselves better than others.We can also drink the milk of a cow that is thousands of miles away, although we may have trouble urinating because of it.Gone is the dull life.We are like water skiers through rough seas, living a life that shines.Yes, it's shiny, shiny: relentless and beautifully shiny.

In this country, after 30 years of rapid economic growth, it seems that countless dreams that were once out of reach have been realized.Our fathers were committed to "carization", that is, to put wheels on all means of transportation.In the video game "Age of Empires", the wheel is also considered a great invention, but that is a thing of the Bronze Age.We are always working on modernization.Whenever I go to Shanghai for business, I can't help but secretly marvel at how tall those skyscrapers are.The modernist poet Apollinaire once said 100 years ago: A hydropower station represents the most advanced beauty!So, today's China is more beautiful than anywhere else.

But whether it is now or in the past, people seem to be missing something.On a dark day earlier, my family bought a tube TV made in the Soviet Union, with rounded corners.We watched "Horseback Cradle" that night. Eighth Route Army soldiers protected the children and passed through the gunfire of the bad guys.By the time the movie was over, it was already hot as an oven.Later, I watched a lot of TV series on this TV. One year I watched a Hong Kong TV series, and I forgot about it after watching it.But after more than 20 years, I often think of a line in the theme song of this TV series: I am not afraid that the strong wind will blow away my love.Occasionally, I think: It really seems that there is an inexplicable evening wind that has quietly blown away our inexplicable love.I don't remember what it was that dissipated either, but I remember something dissipating.

I remembered the deep twilight outside the window when I watched that TV series.Not far away, the polluted black water of the river is gurgling into the rice fields, and in autumn people will harvest the black rice.The workers of the silicate factory left their work, and with their heavy pneumoconiosis, they walked slowly on the way to drink draft beer.I felt a void back then but couldn't put it into words, now I'm old enough to know where that void comes from: I'm a teenager with many dreams but nothing to hold on to in the day to day .We lack a reassuring thing, sometimes called faith, sometimes called human love.At that time we were in the twilight on the side of the street, now we are in a bar that dresses itself up in a Southeast Asian or Spanish style, and loneliness will never change.

Therefore, I would like to polish my Mozart-like musical talent, and one day I will no longer be tone-deaf, so I will sing K songs aloud for half a sentence.For a guy like me who has no divinity but still has humanity, this line is better than all the ancient and modern chants.The problem is that people are born free, but they are always in a rut: you have a deep heart, but you can't sing it tactfully, and there is no such thing as helplessness in life that is regarded as insignificant just because it is small.