Chapter 13 Ten, trouble nineteen

price of rebellion MM, It's another Saturday night, sitting down to write to you, but I have something on my mind.The past two weeks have been miserable, with many problems in life.Every question seemed to test a different part of my personality.Every problem is different in nature, so it requires different ways of dealing with it, and it also needs to mobilize a certain quality in my personality. I may have this quality, or I don’t have it, and it will only appear after digging.Some problems require courage, while others require wisdom. Anyway, there are a lot of troubles. It's not really anything serious, but you know, it's usually the little things that "fuel" your life, whether they're good or bad.Sometimes, when you're already in trouble, you have to break a glass bottle or spill milk all over your breakfast, and you just have to think, bad luck.

Big problems, such as graduation exams in March, university admissions, or future jobs, let’s not mention these for the time being. Two things happened recently, which made me very upset. First, you asked me in the last letter, you met a person you disapproved of, and he happened to be in power, for example, he is the teacher who determines your grades, how should I deal with this contradiction?It's happening now.I told you that I don't appreciate my English teacher because I don't think he is good enough.Half of our class have gone to the United States as exchange students, and I have also studied in the United States for a year, so our English level is much higher than that of German students who have not studied abroad, and he seems to ignore this kind of thing at all. The difference, or teaching according to his usual method, is to ask us to dictate, or let us read a bunch of boring articles.From him, I can hardly learn anything.I even felt that my English stopped improving after I came back from America.What annoyed me the most was that I found that he had no ability to analyze English literary works, and he often didn't understand what he said.English class became the class that we least need to use any brains.

It was at this time that I decided to "rebel".I slept in his class and refused to turn in my homework.When discussing literature, I asked questions that he was completely overwhelmed with. Then, something happened.He even said I was "on drugs"!He went to tell my tutor that I was sluggish in class and didn't do my homework, it must be because of "eating".The instructor came to talk to me.Even my classmates thought it was true. MM, are you right or wrong to say that I "rebelled against authority"?now what do i getHe's retiring soon, and I, getting a bad grade, send out a ruined reputation.

It's not that I don't know the consequences of resisting authority, and I also thought about whether to shut up and be his good student, but in the end, I still resisted him with a passive "strike", because I really can't stand ignorant people pretending to be knowledgeable Come to give you pointers.After all, my rationality was defeated by my emotions.But now, he gave me so much trouble, my competitive spirit was aroused again, I thought: Hey, I will show you, I can get my English score back in the shortest time.In this way, will he start to understand that I object to him because he sucks at teaching?

The second "trouble" you've probably been waiting 19 years for me to tell you - yes, girl. Two years ago, when many of my best friends were in relationships, I wasn't interested in girls at all.It's not that I'm a late bloomer, but that I have too many other interests, such as football, and it's true that I don't "fall in love" easily.But since having a girlfriend in America (ha, didn't tell you - just pretend I forgot?), I've been "falling in" again and again, and falling out again and again.Sometimes I think, why am I always being dumped, maybe I have something wrong? (Just kidding. Take it easy, mom.)

Last week, I fell in love again.During the winter vacation, she met a Dutch boy and became friends with him.Jesus, this guy can't even speak German well, they have to communicate in half-baked English. I was very sad, of course my self-esteem was hurt, although my reason told me: It's okay, you guys It's not a good match.What's more, the one I love is actually another girl, who is just an imaginary double.I think, I'm afraid I'm not very emotionally "let go" person (you are too, MM).Now the trouble is, I don't know what to do next? She didn't actually know my feelings for her, she thought we were "good friends".When I was hurt, I really wanted to break up with her and stop dating, but it seemed unfair to her, because she never said she loved me.So, should I take care of her emotions and continue our "friendship" pretending nothing happened, or should I just "heal" myself and break up with her?

Do you know what I mean?This seemingly unrelated conflict with my English teacher was actually of the same nature: Should I be honest about my feelings, or should I hide them?Regarding the authority of the English teacher, it seems that I should avoid being honest and accept his authority, because I will be hurt by expressing my dissatisfaction with him.With this girl, it seemed that I should be honest, otherwise our "friendship" would be put on a tight tightrope, full of lies and falsehoods. For the first difficulty, I need intelligence.To face the second difficulty, I need courage, however, I feel that I have neither.

Of course you will say, alas, you need a balance between being considerate of other people's feelings and taking care of your own position.But, how difficult it is.I have so many people to "cope" with in the next few weeks - no, actually, I have so many relationships to "cope" with in the next "life" that I feel clumsy .Especially when it comes to feelings. Do my "confidations" make you feel like Hollywood superstars are complaining about having too much money and being too famous so their lives are "miserable"?However, life is often determined by that insignificant thing...

Andre