Chapter 3 No longer angry, still Bei Dao?

Lei Shurong / text ——Read Bei Dao's Prose Collection He Ping What kind of lamp is the green lamp? Qingdeng is a Chinese lamp.The clear oil is poured into the tile cup, and the wick is used as a stick. The light is cold and cold, which means green.Today, in the city where red lights return to green wine and dark night changes to day.If there are blue lights flickering, it must be related to yellowed scrolls, "old things in the south of the city", old days and lonely journeys, etc.Su Dongpo once said, "Bamboo houses with paper windows are brightly lit."Lu Fangweng's poem said, "White hair ruthlessly invades the old world, and the green lamp smells like childhood."But now Bei Dao says, "Beauty is like a cloud / Escorting the voyage of the heart / The green light opens a corner of the dream / Holds the flame by hand / Turns into heavy snow." A journey illuminated by a blue light is to go to the old age , Go deep into the memory.

I read Bei Dao's, read his "Book of Failure" a year ago, and read his "The Rose of Time".These are all the words written by Bei Dao when he went to the country for a long time.A journey illuminated by blue lights. "Chinese is the only luggage." It is food to feed the hungry soul.There is a gap of more than ten years between this and the North Island in the 1970s and 1980s.At our age, born in the 1960s, reading the North Island, and our growth has a secret selfishness.When we read Bei Dao again, our memory seems to be still stuck in that not-too-distant era, but it seems like a world away.In another era, we read Bei Dao, Shu Ting, Gu Cheng, Index Finger, Mang Ke, Duo Duo... But now, no, it is not "Sun City Notes", nor "Daydream", lonely, lonely, no No matter how angry, is it still Bei Dao?

I have noticed that in recent years, the most frequently mentioned word in Bei Dao's writing is "wandering".It is also a book about "drifting".In one of the books, "Travel Notes", Bei Dao wrote: "How far is the distance between the boy who set off from Chang'an Street and me at this moment? The Master said: Parents are here, so don't travel far. Our generation People violate the ancient precepts, roam around, and become the orphans of the times. Sometimes it is difficult to sleep at night, and I am at a loss: my parents are dying, my children are wandering with me, the country is changing, the beauty is fading, but I am determined to go my own way. This is not just geographically, but Exodus in the sense of history and will, culture and rebellion. This may be predestined. We lost a lot during the journey, and what we lost often became wealth.” We have not gone to the country, so why are we not wandering.

I understand the wandering in Beidao as a path of practice related to the soul.Bei Dao said in an interview with "Book City" magazine in 2002, whether writers like us were criticized or praised, we became famous overnight and attracted much attention, and suddenly woke up one day and found that we were nothing.This huge contrast will be especially unbearable.That was a big milestone in my life.Slowly, my heart became calm, and I started from scratch—as an ordinary person, I learned to live by myself, and learned to write in my native language in a foreign country.That is the process of practicing again, practicing through writing and re-understanding life and self.

When Bei Dao said this, in fact, a strange dislocation occurred in the world.Chinese people have become accustomed to regard these wandering people as a symbol of an era, but they themselves have reduced themselves to ordinary people.But Bei Dao has to choose the style of prose.As he said, prose is often a reflection of middle-aged mentality, which is related to physiological factors such as hormones, blood pressure and heartbeat.Just like a person going down the mountain, he needs to adjust his breath and slow down his pace, "picking chrysanthemums under the eastern fence, and seeing Nanshan leisurely".Nostalgia is unavoidable, it is a review of the panting mountain climbing process, and a new understanding of the height and risks of the mountain.However, how much many people would like to see them still on the way "up the mountain", even if their backs are bleak, they are tragic.

If you want to find the memory of "cultural heroes" in the North Island, you must go the wrong way.It is an ordinary person who has read all the vicissitudes of life, salvaging and recording his past and present life. "Series 1" is to go deep into one's own memory, remembering those unforgettable old people, Feng Yidai, Wakeman, Xiong Bingming, Cai Qijiao, and childhood friend Liu Yu; "Series 2" is to go to the unknown long distance.In this series, Bei Dao's thoughts on poets and revolution deserve our attention.Bei Dao, who wrote these words, is related to the soul and has nothing to do with idols.With all the pretentiousness and prosperity gone, the people and things in our memories, and the people and things we encountered during the journey are so kind that we sigh.

Time is like a sharp sickle, we are harvested by it one after another.Times are new day by day, Bei Dao is always old, and we grow old together with Bei Dao. "If the sky is not old", students of Xiong Bingming think of their youth.Bei Dao said that he didn't know how this association came about at the time, but now he finally understands it.This verse actually has a kind of paradoxical tension: the sky is immortal in youth, but the subjunctive voice questions this, which is the confusion of adolescence. Yeah, what if Bei Dao is not old? Suiyuan on February 23, 2008