Chapter 23 I'm afraid to order

Some people like to fall in love but are afraid of getting married. On the contrary, I love to eat, but I am afraid of ordering.If the joy of eating is like winning a gold medal, like holding a newborn baby in your arms, then the pain of ordering food is like studying hard in a cold window and the pain of childbirth. If you are the master of the meal and you have the sovereignty in your hands, let everyone be democratic first, and it will not be too late to become a dictatorship at the end. The difficulty lies in reversing the role of ordering dishes as a guest.Ever since I was "wasted" by my friends of sex and sex as "gourmets," they have been abusing this power with impunity.In fact, I don’t know that when the master handed over the recipes to me, apart from being afraid of trouble like me, the rest is the unreserved transfer of sovereignty, which is a solemn entrustment and a precious trust. , It is a great mission from heaven, of course the muscles and bones are not tired, but the mind is very bitter.

The art of ordering dishes is somewhat similar to the method of diagnosing patients in traditional Chinese medicine. In short, it is to look, smell, ask, and cut.First of all, you have to reconfirm the nature of the meal according to the actual situation at the scene, and observe the face of the host to figure out his immediate state of mind. It is necessary to lock the string of Arabic numerals on the menu for quick scanning and simultaneous calculation.In contrast, the combination of meat and vegetables, soft and hard, as well as sweet and bitter, and even whether it tastes good or not, has become a very secondary "side dish" - all in all, you have to use your brain to integrate and use the food you have accumulated for decades. Poor experience in sociology, relational studies, economics, ethics, and related life philosophy can order a table of dishes that everyone calls Kerch and the guests and hosts enjoy themselves.

Just ordering the dishes like this, it feels like I have finished the meal, like the reporter handed in the manuscript, and the editor signed the version (in fact, before the computer program, newspapers have long had the habit of calling the manuscript list a "menu") , leaning back in the chair, just about to have a sip of tea, the woman called "waiter" suddenly came back with a carbine, and brought the bad news that a certain dish was not available today.You see, the professional "publishing addiction" has not been over, but for no reason, the frustration and anger of the manuscript that has been published is withdrawn a second before it is printed.

Money is paid by others, and face is also earned by others. Only honor and disgrace are self-inflicted. Going to restaurants and ordering food is, in the final analysis, a choice, a kind of power, collectively referred to as "the power of choice". To be honest, exercising this power feels very cool under normal circumstances: you are sitting, in any posture you can think of and can do, she is standing, in no more than two postures that you can accept And expressions: you move your mouth, she moves, you say something, she repeats it in response, and records all what you said on a piece of formatted paper; you ponder, ponder, she is silent, waiting—— Come as soon as you call, go as soon as you wave, life is so far, what more can you ask for?

Order, English called order, contains the meaning of "order".In Hong Kong gangster movies, bosses often slap their disobedient subordinates on the table and shout: This is an order!Of course, you don't have to repeat this sentence to the waiter standing beside you who takes the order, because you both know very well in each other's hearts: one "order" is different from another "order". "Returned the trouble to the subordinates. In the restaurant, Shi made people take most of the responsibility on his shoulders through "ordering food". Power and responsibility are always linked. Of course, the following two common methods can reduce the trouble of ordering to a certain extent:

Take the initiative to give up part of the dictatorship and switch to representative democracy, that is, to say a "standard" according to the head, and leave everything to the restaurant for arrangement.This is the most convenient lazy way.Delegating power is a peace of mind, but even a well-cooked restaurant still cannot avoid the risk of "cost-effectiveness" imbalance. Ordering food is free love, and "packaging meals" is tantamount to an arranged marriage, unless you think it is a waste of money to eliminate disasters. One person, one vote, great democracy, that is, a recipe is read in turn, and everyone present orders their own.Although this method disperses the trouble of the "main orderer", it often makes a table of dishes appear overall incoherent.

There is another kind, I see it from "The Story of the Editorial Department". The editorial department of "Guide to the World" treats guests and wants to save face, but does not want to spend more money. After ordering all the dishes, he finally said: "Except for those I ordered, I want everything else." Explanation: If the patience and sense of humor of the "bearer" has not been specially trained, please do not use this method in the restaurant. If a serious woman is happy in vain, the consequences can be large or small. In any case, if you want to eat, ordering is always inevitable. Even McDonald's has to do at least one time to talk about pictures.

Although it is said that "a thousand days at home is good, half a step out is difficult", but ordering food at home actually has difficulties at home.There is an old Mr. Fan in Beijing Joint Publishing Store. He cooks good dishes and is extremely hospitable. is the most frequently asked "what shall we eat today" question at home. On the surface, why is this so difficult? Whatever you want to eat, just say it.In fact, even the person who tirelessly asks you this question is very clear in his heart: the so-called "what do you want to eat today" can never be imagined out of thin air sitting on the sofa, from the stomach to the mouth to the brain. At best, it can only produce a little immature idea. Only by going to the vegetable market in person, like a person eating a buffet, walking and watching in front of the coffin-shaped food cabinets that are opened in rows, seeing is believing, can the whole plan be completed .

Grocery shopping is the upstream industry of ordering food, and the trouble in this link is actually no less than ordering food in restaurants.Of course, when the vegetable market enters the market economy system and the supply of goods is extremely sufficient, "ordering food" is shared by both buyers and sellers.In other words, when encountering Lu Tixia, "First you need ten catties of lean meat, cut it into sausages, and don't see any fat on it", "If you want another ten catties, it's all fat, and don't see some fine meat on it, that's fine." You need to cut it into simmered meat”, and finally “you need another ten catties of gold cartilage, and you have to chop it finely to make simmered meat. Don’t see some meat on it.” Machines can do the "making scorpion" now, but if people don't want to be "beaten two packs of scorpion face to face, it seems like it's raining meat", the meat stall owner can only admit that he is unlucky.

When it comes to "Water Margin", vulgar people like Lu Da and Li Kui, no matter how good or bad they are, never order food, and the little children who come up to ask questions are often scolded by the old men with their mouths open: "ask What a bird, if you have a big bowl of wine and a big piece of meat, you only want to bring it! But if you have it, you only want to sell it, and you will pay it back! This guy! You only want to make noise!" Even if you are afraid of trouble and choices like me, even if you don’t hesitate to treat yourself like a dog, but even if you don’t order food, the food will order you.Here is a joke:

(a starving fellow rushes headlong into a newly opened restaurant) Welcome, is sir alone? --yes. Would you like a cup of coffee or a meal, sir? —I want to eat. ok please follow me.Would you like a set menu, steak, or fine dining? — Just steak, medium rare. Sir, do you want coffee, black tea or cola for your steak? --black tea. Sir, we have salads as side dishes, chicken salad, taro salad, tuna salad and—just tuna salad. Sir, there are cabbage, gherkin, cauliflower and tomato in the salad, which one do you want? ——everything will be fine. Sir, do you want Thousand Island Dressing, Italian Dressing, or the comprehensive flavor configured by this restaurant for the sauce to be added to the salad? --casual. Sir, besides jelly, pudding and ice cream, do you want to choose any dessert for dessert? --pudding!Nothing else! No problem, then, would you like a cherry on top of the pudding, or would you like some chocolate sprinkles, or a delicious cream? ——I said, you can help me decide these things. Sir, do you want the sauce on your steak black pepper or... -mushroom sauce! Oh, sorry sir, does the mushroom sauce need to be slightly spicy, or more sweet? ——To match the current mood, spicy! Sir, do you want ready-made chili sauce or raw chili directly for the spicy taste? --enough!Can you do me a favor? It's your choice! Of course there is no problem, but do you want a different quality of meat for sir's steak?We have Australia... Do you want to fight with me? Let me accompany you, sir, do you want to be in the toilet, the kitchen, or the parking lot outside? — How about right here? (The guest was knocked down, the manager immediately came to help the guest up, scolded the waiter sharply, the guest groaned and struggled to sit up) I'm sorry, I hope you can give us a chance to make up for it, we are responsible for your meal, okay? ? ——I, I, please give me a glass of water. Of course, sir, do you want lemon flavor, or lime flavor, or orange flavor with ice cubes?