Chapter 15 crazy like a turtle

It is said that due to the failure of the EPO blood test, almost all the soldiers of the "Ma Jiajun" who were preparing for the Olympics on the Yunnan-Guizhou Plateau were unable to attend the meeting. "Death before leaving school" is indeed heartbreaking, but since I have never been very enthusiastic about track and field sports, I am more concerned about the fate of the soft-shelled turtle than I express my deep sympathy. It is already in the twentieth century that the "Majiajun" has a relationship with soft-shelled turtles.However, the high-spirited "Ma Jiajun" publicly declared that the soft-shelled turtle is the source of speed of the "Oriental Deer" on various occasions, and the sound is still there.Ma Junren's ancestral secret formula, it is known that the core content is soft-shelled turtle and Chinese herbal medicine, including soft-shelled turtle blood, soft-shelled turtle soup, soft-shelled turtle essence, red ginseng, deer tail, wolfberry, donkey-hide gelatin, angelica, etc.

After coach Ma Junren sold this formula to "China Today Group" for 10 million RMB, a mass movement of "Aspirations hungry for bastard meat, laughing and thirsty for drinking oral liquid" immediately spread across the country (including those who had not yet returned to China at that time). Hong Kong and Macau) set off vigorously. As I recall, version 1.0 of the soft-shelled turtle myth came out in the mid-1970s, between the two big national health care campaigns of chicken blood and kombucha.Efficacy, it is said to cure cancer.Oral transmission among the people. Put a soft-shelled turtle on a cancer patient, and the soft-shelled turtle will automatically crawl to the place where the tumor is, and then refuse to leave for a long time.Several hours later, the soft-shelled turtle was forcibly removed, but his original white belly was already stained with blood.No injections, no medicines, let alone soft-shelled turtles, self-expelling toxins and self-healing diseases.The working principle of the soft-shelled turtle is equivalent to a powerful range hood that had not yet appeared at that time.

In fact, we do not have a scientific and rational understanding of the various benefits of soft-shelled turtles, just as we actually do not know what the so-called "erythropoietin" (EPO) is.If this "sugar" exceeds 18%, it is unqualified - this is what the International Olympic Committee said; it is normal for players to have high hemoglobin when practicing at high altitudes - this is what Ma Junren said.that is it.What worries me the most is that it is both "blood red" and "hormone", will it have a negative effect of "damaging turtles"? Soft-shelled turtle, Vertebrate, Reptile, Turtle order, Turtle family, also known as water fish, turtle, round fish, foot fish, and bastard.This species is widely distributed in the wild in my country, except for Ningxia, Xinjiang, Qinghai, and Tibet, it can be said that the soft-shelled turtle can be found everywhere.

The high price of turtles is not only delicious, but also nourishing.According to traditional Chinese medicine, soft-shelled turtles are "salty in nature, nourish the five internal organs, and treat deficiency. It is the entire material basis of the so-called "big tonic". Of course, if Chinese people's belief in "nourishing" is completely based on chemistry, things will be much simpler.In fact, the worship of the soft-shelled turtle may come from awe of the tortoise, which has always been given a certain spiritual and mysterious color by Chinese culture for its longevity (and eating and drinking casually, and insisting on not exercising).

A few years ago, tortoises were also eaten vigorously in the Pearl River Delta, but because their growth cycle was too slow and the cost was too high. mainstream. Fortunately, there is also a soft-shelled turtle, which has the shape of a turtle but does not have the spirituality of a turtle. It is convenient for artificial breeding, and the price is relatively much cheaper. Suck and chew with confidence. The deliciousness of the soft-shelled turtle lies only in the hem of its skirt, besides, the soft-shelled turtle's paw can still be bitten.In fact, the deliciousness of the skirt is only caused by the rich gelatin, which is similar to shark's fin and bird's nest. Of course, the same is true for pig's feet and pig's skin.Of course, such a conclusion will definitely not have any impact on the enthusiasm for eating soft-shelled turtles and the selling price of soft-shelled turtles. Anyway, you are the one who eats it.

There is only one way for soft-shelled turtles to bite people, that is, to bite people with one bite, and to kill them without opening their mouths.The more you shake and pull, the more he bites and tightens, the more he shrinks, the head can be broken, the blood can flow, the courage and determination that this piece of human flesh cannot be lost.Therefore, once a person is accidentally bitten by a turtle, it is a very painful and troublesome thing.Similarly, once a person eats bastard, he will not give up lightly. If your purpose is not to run faster, jump higher or live longer, just to cure greed, then there are many ways to eat soft-shelled turtles.

Stewed soft-shelled turtle is the most common and reasonable method. The "rock sugar soft-shelled turtle" in Shanghai cuisine and the Cantonese style "steamed in lotus leaf" are the two representative works of this route.For heavy-flavored dishes, there are braised or yellow-braised soft-shelled turtles. The "yellow-steamed soft-shelled turtle" in Weifang, Shandong is made of soft-shelled turtle and hen.Cutting slices and frying is a bad idea, usually because the soft-shelled turtle is not fat enough.As for the "turtle steamed bun" exclusively launched by a restaurant in Beijing, although I have never tried it, the name of the dish alone is enough to whet my appetite.

Cooking soft-shelled turtles is not too difficult, but killing soft-shelled turtles is extremely difficult. Fortunately, the market now provides a catch-and-kill service.It should be noted that the most delicious skirt must not be broken. In addition, the fishman must be sure to scrape off the dirty skin on the top of the bastard's lid.This is quite troublesome, and fish traffickers are often lazy. The fishy smell of the soft-shelled turtle, I think Liu Heng is the best. "Zhang Damin... gave Li Yunfang the cooked bacon, and she dared not open her mouth for a long time. It was reddish and thick, like hawthorn jam or strawberry jam, exuding a strong fishy smell, and it was mixed with Mixed with a small fresh and sweet smell of cabbage seeds." To suppress this "violent fishy smell", you must not use vinegar or pepper that is too "vigorous" in itself, for fear of spoiling the original flavor of the soft-shelled turtle, rice wine is more suitable , Of course, ginger, garlic, fennel, etc. can also be used.In addition, whether it is steamed or braised in brown sauce, it is best to add two or three slices of fatty pork, which can double the sweetness of the soft-shelled turtle.Although artificially farmed soft-shelled turtles are very fat and have fat all over their bodies, these are the most fishy things, so they must be removed before cooking.As for the angelica, Chinese yam, wolfberry and the like added for nourishment, besides driving up the price, the rest is to destroy the original taste of the soft-shelled turtle.

Among the various ways of eating, I always think that the side-burning method in Guangzhou is the simplest and the most delicious.Unpack eight pieces of soft-shelled turtle, and half a native chicken. It turns out that "Farewell Chicken" can be so simple. After gaining fame, wild turtles were almost driven to extinction, and artificially farmed turtles grew into a big business. At the same time, smuggling turtles from Southeast Asia became the hottest food for "turtle snakeheads". According to the principle of "nourishing", all artificially cultivated things are not as curative as wild ones.However, wild soft-shelled turtles are hard to find, even if they are artificially farmed, there are different grades.China's unique "Chinese soft-shelled turtle" is of course against my principles to say that it is the most "nourishing", but it is not an exaggeration to say that it is "best for Chinese cooking" based on its meat quality and taste.If you want to classify, the Chinese soft-shelled turtle is of course the A-level soft-shelled turtle that ranks first, referred to as "A" for short.

Zhang Damin once bought soft-shelled turtles for his wife who was not producing milk after giving birth. Before he entered the house, he still said, "Everything is fake now. I finally bought a bastard and called it a fake fish!" Seeing the original work, it should be Feng Gong's belly burst.But outside of movies, smuggled "fake fish" are indeed flooding the market.As far as the Guangzhou market is concerned, the value of soft-shelled turtles has plummeted in the past five years. The cheapest one is ten yuan (of course, it is not much bigger than the Motorola V series mobile phone), and the most expensive one is only seventy-eighty catties.The sharp price drop of soft-shelled turtles is certainly due to the expansion of the stocking area, but the factor of smuggling is even more deadly.Most of the latter come from Thailand, Vietnam and other places. The cheapness of other countries is due to the low cost of breeding on the one hand, and the temptation of the relatively strong exchange rate of the RMB during the financial crisis on the other hand.For diners, the "fake fish" of different cultures and species is ultimately inferior to the local "earth turtle".The latter not only has fine bones and meat, but also has a thick skirt, which is equivalent to the difference between local chickens and farm chickens.

Considering the commonness of infectious diseases and "injection and water injection", buying soft-shelled turtles is close to a high-risk consumption behavior.There was an article in the newspaper that asked people to identify water-injected turtles: "When buying a turtle, put the turtle on its back first. If you can't turn over quickly, and there are smiling pinholes from the syringe in the muscles of the four legs, it is a water-injected turtle." "Quick turning over" can still be punished, but the "pinhole" matter is extremely difficult. Could it be that we are all regarded as police uncles of the anti-drug team? Although the Chinese respect turtles and turtles in terms of "theology", most of them have nothing good to say about this thing in Chinese. "Turtle Son", "Bastard", "Turtle Lord", the list goes on and on. Cantonese are the best at eating soft-shelled turtles, so "water fish" in Cantonese is also negative and has the most personality. It refers to "stupid B" who leads the way in consumption behavior and is similar to "Kaizi" in Taiwanese Mandarin.In addition, the Chinese language also has grades and grades regarding where animals live.The "Dragon Palace" is the supreme, followed by the "Tiger's Den", and the "Pigsty" and "Dog's Nest" are the last, but once it comes to the bastard's head, it is unclear. But there is a place in Guangzhou where the golden lacquered signboard of "Biefu" is hung up with great respect. This is the name of a restaurant.There are not many restaurants in the world that specialize in Chinese soft-shelled turtles and places that eat turtles that are also fried and wrapped. Except for the word "Biefu", this place is jaw-dropping from the whole to the details.It has been repaired into a huge cement cave, and it is full of ferocious shrimp soldiers, crab generals and bull-headed horse-faced men everywhere, with strange power and confusion, and every step is frightening.In terms of characters and styles, there are Chinese, Lingnan, Greek, Roman, and cartoon (including Teletubbies and Hellokitty) Huayang mixed, entangled.Absolutely vulgar, relatively nonsensical.If it wasn't for the menu plate handed by the waiter wearing a leopard-spotted skirt at the waist, you might mistakenly think that you are in an exhibition of creations of psychopaths. Collage or pop, it's up to you.It has to be admitted that, in a sense, this is an exaggerated concentrated expression of the overall urban aesthetic style of Guangzhou.Of course, it’s okay to be vulgar. Since we love Tarantino and Jim Carrey so much, why can’t turtles be bastards? Why can't "turtle" have a "fu"?If you want to laugh, you can't laugh, if you want to scold you, you can't open your mouth, if you want to be amazed, but you can't, why don't you worry, let's eat.