Chapter 64 A Man Outside Jerusalem Talks About Judah

On the Friday before Passover, Judas came to my house and knocked hard on my door. When he entered the room, I saw that his face was pale and his hands were shaking like dead branches in the wind.He was soaked as if he had just crawled out of the river, because it rained heavily that night. He glanced at me, his eye sockets were like two black holes, and his eyes were bloodshot. He said, "I hand over Jesus of Nazareth to him and to my enemies." Then he wrung his hands and said, "Jesus said that he would defeat all his enemies, the enemies of our people. I believed and followed him."

"When he first summoned us, he promised a mighty and vast kingdom. So we worshiped him reverently, hoping to find a respectable place in his court." "We see ourselves as kings and are ready to fight back the way the Romans did. Jesus talked about his kingdom and I think he has chosen me to drive his chariot and lead his warriors. I'm willing to follow in his footsteps ." "But I found that he was not after the real kingdom, nor would he save us from the Romans. His kingdom was but the kingdom of the heart. He talked about love, kindness, forgiveness, and the women on the side of the road listened, but mine But my heart became more and more painful, and I became cold."

"The King of Judah I had hoped for seemed suddenly to be a flute player, to comfort the caresses of prodigal sons and beggars." "I loved him as much as the rest of my tribe, and I wished him the hope of saving us from the pagan mold. But once it was found that he would not do anything to liberate us from this, once it was found that he would When I returned what he withdrew to Xinza, I was disappointed, my hope died. I said: Whoever destroys my hope will be destroyed, because my hope and expectation are more precious than anyone's life."" Judas gritted his teeth and lowered his head.He added: "I betrayed him, and he was beaten to death today. Yet when he died on the cross, he died like a king. He died in a storm, like a rescuer, like those who died in the burial , like the giants who lived beyond the stone tomb."

"When he died, he was generous and merciful, and his heart was full of pity, even for me who betrayed him." I said, "Judah, you've made a big mistake!" Judas said, "He died like a king, but why doesn't he live like a king?" I said again, "You have committed a great crime!" He sat slumped on the stool, soundless and endless like a stone. I walked up and down the room and I said it again: "You committed a heinous crime!" And Judas said nothing, still as silent as clay. After a while, he stood up facing me, he seemed to be taller, and his voice was like cracking Lin Chan, he said: "I don't feel guilty anymore. I will go to find his kingdom tonight, I will ask forgiveness before him."

"He died like a king, and I shall die like a sinner, but I know he will forgive me." After saying this, he wrapped his wet clothes around his body and said, "Although I have caused you trouble, I am honored to come to you tonight. Will you forgive me?" "Tell your children and your children's children: Judas Iscariot betrayed Jesus of Nazareth to his enemies because he had considered Jesus the enemy of his people." "And that Judas, on the same day that he made his great mistake, came with this king to the steps of his throne, and offered his soul to be judged."

"I will tell him: My blood thirsts for man, and my crippled soul desires freedom." Then he leaned his head against the stone wall, and cried: "My God! Why do you burn me with lightless fire, that dreadful name, which men's mouths cannot speak until the fingers of death touch it?" "Why did I endow the people of Galilee with the passion to pursue the unknown land, but burdened me with the desire to get rid of the clan and family? Who is this Judas with blood on his hands?" "Give me an arm and throw him away like an old garment, a shattered piece of aluminum armor."

"Please help me accomplish this tonight." "Let me stand outside this wall again." "I am tired of this broken wing of freedom, I would like a bigger prison." "I would like to be a fountain of tears flowing into the sea of ​​suffering, and I would like to receive your mercy instead of asking myself endlessly." Having said this, Judas opened the door of the house and walked into the storm again. Three days later, I went to Jerusalem and heard what had happened.I also heard that Judas jumped from the top of the high rock. I pondered for a long time after that day, and I understood what Judas did.He completed his little life, which hovered like a mist over the lands of Roman slavery; while the great prophet ascended to heaven.

What a man hopes for is the kingdom where he himself will be king. Another longs for a kingdom where everyone is king.