Chapter 22 Thomas

My grandfather who was a lawyer once said, "Let our eyes see the truth, but only when the truth is revealed." When Jesus calls me, I listen to him because his powerful commands shape my will.But I still reserve my opinion. I listened impassively while he talked and the rest of the audience swayed like branches in the wind.But I love him. Three years ago, he left us.We the scattered people still sing his name and stand as his witnesses in every country. Back then I was called "Thomas the Doubter," and my grandfather's shadow still hung over me, and I always wanted to tell the truth.

I even had to put my hand over my wound and feel the blood flow before I believed my pain. The man who loves in his heart but doubts in his mind is like the hired slave on a sailing ship: he sleeps at the oars, and dreams of his freedom, until the master's whip wakes him. I was such a slave myself, I dreamed of freedom, but my grandfather's drowsiness remained with me.My flesh needs the whipping of my own day. Even with the Nazarenes present, I have closed my eyes and imagined my hands tied to the oars. Doubt is a pain too lonely to know that faith is its twin brother. Doubt is a wretched lost outcast who, though always found and embraced by his mother, still fears and recoils.

Doubt will only know the truth when the wound is healed and healed. I doubted Jesus until he revealed himself to me and let me put my hand in his wound.After that I really believed it.At last I am free from my yesterday, from the yesterday of my ancestors. Thomas, one of the twelve apostles of Jesus, did not believe in the resurrection of Jesus, but after Jesus let him touch himself, he began to believe. The dead in me buried itself, and the living shall live for the anointed King, for the Son of Man. Yesterday it was said that I should go far and tell the Persians and Hindus his name. I will travel far.From this day until my end, in all the dawns and dusks, I will see my Lord standing majestic, and I will hear His words.