Chapter 87 when we look back

when we look back Feng Tang I got to know A Fei successively: this character, her music, her words, and her life.These parts overlap and intersect to form an incomplete but rich image, which makes me more confused about the cultural significance of A Fei.Then, reflecting on my own heart, my own values ​​once again appeared in a trance for a moment, as if once every two or three months after I entered my thirties, I felt that kind of shocking irregular heartbeat. its character I met A Fei through a forum called Paowang. This forum is said to have gathered a group of ashes who started to surf the Internet in the mid-to-late 1990s. Most of them are famous veterans, and a membership system is implemented.So I was very proud to receive the invitation letter in the mailbox with the password attached.

Paowang is divided into forums such as Tanqin, Lunjian, Jueise, and Xunyin.There are many literary youths and literary hooligans in the Tanqin forum, with interesting words and evil thoughts, so they often go there.In the forums, it is common for a person called "A Fei" to post, hurting his youth but not self-pity and narcissism, lascivious but not stripping his pants, nagging but not muscleless.Just scan the post, and you will know that it is a woman, not only known as a hooligan (A Fei), but also a female hooligan, not only a female hooligan, but also a literary female hooligan who hurts youth, is lewd, and chatters. The Internet is thriving, and the motherland is in a good state. .

Ah Fei occasionally posts, announcing the "Happiness Street" performance plan.I often go to Xingfu Avenue. The boiled fish in the "Goldfish Pot" is good, the Jack Daniel's in "Happiness Garden" is the lowest in Sanlitun, and the "Jia 55" designed by Ai Weiwei has tons of concrete and steel bars.I asked a boss whose online name is Crazy Horse, who looks like a hippopotamus: "Is Ah Fei good-looking?" "Not good." Crazy Horse didn't hesitate at all, and the bayonet saw red. I think this boss has the potential to be a consultant.

"Is it good?" "Good lyrics." "What road number?" "Punker." Punk, I get it, is rebellion and violence.If the lead singer is gaudy and the band is dirty, plus murder, pornography, rebellion and violence, it must be awesome.Zeng Guofan said that "the flowers are not fully bloomed and the moon is half a circle" is the best, so it is not absolutely awesome and has the advantages of not being absolutely awesome, so I put aside my chores at night and went straight to the bar outside the south gate of the University of Economics and Business.

its music Ah Fei stood on the stage, and I stood on tiptoe, surpassing a group of people's heads, and saw.A girl of small stature, wearing a small flower padded jacket, red with small flowers embroidered on it.A Fei clasped a large microphone vigorously with both hands, like a large flower tube, A Fei screamed loudly, I knew nothing about music, I felt the sound was loud and distorted, like a virgin calling the bed, in pain and happiness. I grew up ignorant of music.My mentor in elementary school was an old rightist who could play the accordion and whistle. He had oily hair and a suave manner when he was in his forties or fifties.I’ve seen Xue Tao’s small script written on the inside of his arm with lipstick, “Advise you to return home early, people like flowers in the green window”, I don’t know if it was written by a literary female hooligan.My mentor is always worried that my kung fu is difficult to walk in the rivers and lakes, "shooting, imperial, ritual, music, book, and number", except "book, number" is good, the mind is not right, the limbs are weak, and the five-tone is not complete.

"So you have to learn music, sing, dance. You can't say 'I love you' when you see a girl, but you can sing 'I love you China' openly, and use your eyes every time you sing 'China' Sweep her. When you grow up, you can never see a girl and say that this is a poem or prose I wrote for you, but you can ask her to dance a noble ballroom dance for young people." After being trained by many masters including my brother and sister, I still have tone deafness, weakness in limbs, and even more scheming.I still stutter when I see pretty girls, and I can't say a whole sentence except to ask about the weather and the road.What's more frightening is that almost in my eyes, all girls are beautiful as long as they wash their faces and smile frequently, so I have been stuttering for a long time, and I can only write freely on a 400-character manuscript paper.

After Ah Fei sang, he greeted the crowd of fans from Paowang, found a small restaurant, and asked the boss if he had beer and a big discount.Although Ah Fei was chattering, I could tell that she should be an extremely introverted person, like me. The first time I met someone on the Internet, I looked at the dozen or so people sitting around me, some were really energetic, some were really shabby, in a daze, we were not sitting in a small restaurant by the third ring road, but in a Cave: Spiritual ones are goblins, poor ones are monsters.I was thinking about A Fei's music while eating, and I was worried that A Fei's music would not be popular.If you can't tune or catch your tongue, it will be difficult to get into the thick songbook of "Cashbox".I don't understand, I'm an outsider.

A young woman in literature (or a senior woman in literature) saw that no one was drinking with her, so she yelled: "Drinking is not like this. Drinking is not like this." It didn't take long for her to get drunk and die. Not letting others take her home, she called "Xiali" by herself, and when she opened the door, she almost pulled the car door off. After so many years, what my mentor didn’t expect was that there would be so many literary young women and literary hooligans in this world. My limbs are weak and my tone is deaf, but I can still make do with food and drink.Maybe my worries about A Fei's music are superfluous.

its text Due to weakness of limbs and insufficiency of five sounds, I have strict requirements on writing.The text is braised pork, the text is white marble, the text is Pu'er tea, and the text is Nurhong.Words are nothing special, all the commonly used characters are in the "Xinhua Dictionary", but with so many possible permutations and combinations, some people can grasp the most comfortable one without even thinking about it, and some people can't scratch the itchy spot no matter how hard they scratch. A Fei gave me two books, "The Fish in Xiaolong's Room" and "The Double Life of A Fei Girl", in which I found braised pork, white marble, Pu'er tea, and daughter red.A more precise feeling is like eating Chongqing spicy chicken, with more peppers and less chicken.However, regardless of decency, I fiddled with the chopsticks and found a piece of chicken, which was really delicious.It's better than Eileen Chang, it's all chicken, very little chili, too many fronts, it feels crowded, and I feel that the author is doomed to be a confidante.

Pick a few pieces of chicken out: For example, in "Why Sing in Winter": "I played with Bass. He didn't know what he said, I said you are fucking, he said you are fucking. I dragged the guitar and rushed up, and he was on the head Hit me. I cried very loudly. Tears fell on the ground. I didn't expect the tears to be so big, so big that I was full of curiosity. Finally I looked up and smiled: What did you hit me for? I'm not your wife ’” “I don’t want to perform, I just want to curl up and sing.” For example, in "The Non-Rock Life of a Rock Singer", "Finally, I am about to graduate, and the habit of picking up trash when I was a child finally got its retribution. The project I am doing is the Environmental Engineering Solid Waste Group, called 'China Urban Waste Incineration Feasibility Analysis'."

For example, the lyrics of A Fei: "I am a fish, the fish in Xiaolong's room. In fact, you have never seen my body. In fact, it is as beautiful as my soul." Words are remembered. If there are shortcomings in A Fei's temperament writing, it may not be easy to sell.A Fei must have her own opinions, but she felt that it was easier for her to go the way of Li Bihua than the way of Zhang Ailing.Write a few new historical pornographic novels, "Wei, Jin, Southern and Northern Dynasties was a strange era, Wei, Jin, Southern and Northern Dynasties was a beautiful era. At that time, there were no policemen and prostitutes on the roads, only gays walking hand in hand." Then make a movie, and then Filming a TV series, and then shyly went to Hollywood to comment on the Oscars, and then it was awesome. Listen to Ah Fei singing again, at CD Cafe.A room full of demons and ghosts, full of smoky atmosphere.I only heard the end of a song, and Ah Fei sang repeatedly: "I want to go hooligan with you, I want to go hooligan with you, I want to go hooligan with you, I want to go hooligan with you." Like a spell, I ran away Come out and go to the airport to catch the plane.Later, when I saw the printed lyrics, it seemed that I had heard it wrong, but it was actually: "I said you are a hooligan, I said you are a hooligan." The feeling suddenly disappeared. its career A Fei has a complicated experience: Tsinghua Bachelor of Engineering, Master of Arts, editor, rock singer, Dong woman, writer.Complicated like me.I am also an ethnic minority, Mongolian, and my mother hurriedly corrected it before my college entrance examination, because I could add ten points.A Fei chatted with me and said that he didn't know what to do in the future.I said, don't discuss it with me, I never know what I will do in the future. Eight years of studying medicine have completely confused my concept of time. The past and the future seem to be separated by only a layer of paper, so superficial that there is no essential difference.The whole life is contained in a walnut shell. Standing outside, a person is 1.8 meters tall and weighs 130 kilograms. What do you think is the difference between the past and the future? A Fei does not smoke, do drugs, do not wear makeup, do not drink alcohol, do not dye hair, do not wear nose rings, do not know famous brands, do not expose belly buttons, do not pose, do not indulge, do not cover up, do not tell stories, do not remind people Prostitutes are associated with witches.A Fei is not a beauty writer in the traditional sense. Looking back on the past, puberty, estrus, and often confused, the teacher helped us a lot.After finishing the day's homework, the teacher forbids us to smoke, pick up girls and fight in groups.Values ​​are erratic, and the teacher forced us to recite Paul Korchagin's famous saying: "Everyone has only one life... When looking back on the past, he will not regret for wasting his years, nor will he be ashamed of doing nothing. "In the context of the time, those words were easy to understand.In my life at that time, the only serious thing was "studying". After high school, there were universities, graduate students, doctoral students, and studying abroad. No matter how far I imagined, I couldn't imagine what the future would be like.Paul Korchagin’s meaning is clear. Only by reading good books can you not regret it, and in the unimaginable future, you can share the gold with a big scale, drink in a big bowl, and sleep in a big bed for those with little winks and smiles. Girl with big boobs. Now, after studying at university, postgraduate, doctorate, and foreign degree, in a blink of an eye, I have arrived at a future that I could not have imagined in middle school.Suddenly aware of the cunning of the teachers: Now read Paul Korchagin's famous quotes, the bullshit doesn't make sense, and there is no definitive solution.Jin Duo hurts the mind, too much alcohol hurts the liver, the little winking eyes develop wrinkles, and the big Bo Bo gradually withers like the big peony in the flower bed at the gate of the community.How can we not regret for wasting our time, and not be ashamed for doing nothing? One solution is to be more tolerant, open, see more, and listen more. If there is no emotion in life, let it go, and if there is emotion, think about it.If the physical and mental bandwidth is sufficient, the double life and the triple life are both right paths. As A Fei said: "I've always wanted a big box of chocolate wrapped in gold paper. This can be shared with others, I can show off to my girlfriend in the same room, I can eat it for a long time, and I can keep the big box to show you Owned this chocolate."