Chapter 99 on how much you talk

on how much you talk The sages in the Bible all teach us to talk less, for fear of getting into trouble. You remember that the beginning of Jin Renming is "The ancients are cautious in speaking. Beware of it! Beware of it! Don't talk too much! Talk too much and lose." scary look.Besides, talking too much, even if it doesn't cause trouble, is just confusing right and wrong, and it is by no means a good thing.That's why Confucius called "a benevolent man whose words are poor", and also said "a wicked husband and flatterer".Su Qin, Zhang Yi and his like, as well as the so-called "perfect tongue" debaters in later novels, in the eyes of the orthodox, may be inferior to the sycophants.Therefore, "reticence" and "reticence" have become our virtues.

The words of the sages are naturally reasonable, but they cannot be generalized.If you are in a high position and every word and sentence can affect the overall situation, then it is natural to speak less and nod more.But on the other hand, if you go to meet someone in a high position, then you are not sure.A few years ago in Nanjing, there was a famous man who could speak and a famous man who was silent, both of whom were not small officials.Many people hesitated, and it was better to speak?Is it better not to speak?It depends: some people like talking heads, some don't.Some things must be fathered by people who can speak, such as propagandists; some things must be fathered by people who can speak little, such as confidential secretaries.

As for ordinary people like us, when visiting, seeing guests, or meeting, if we just keep our eyes on the wall and keep talking less, although it is in line with the way of sages, it is not necessarily in the eyes of sages.If you are acquaintances, you have been with each other for a long time, and you can understand each other, but it can be forgiven; if you are a stranger or a half-baked person, you will have various opinions.Maybe he thinks you are mysterious, like a twinkling star in the sky; maybe he thinks you are honest, as the so-called "a benevolent man speaks a word"; maybe he thinks you are lazy and unwilling to work hard; maybe he thinks you are good and bad, waiting for other people's words (called this in our hometown) This kind of person is "waiting"); maybe you feel cold and not easy to get close to; maybe you think you are proud, look down on him, or even hate him.Naturally, this also depends on your relationship with him, as well as your appearance and demeanor. It's not all about talking less; but talking less is a big reason.In this way, of course he keeps you at a respectful distance, or disrespects you at a distance.If you are really what he thinks, then it is "seeking benevolence to obtain benevolence"; if not, it would be a bit wronged.In the 16th year of the Republic of China, someone from Peiping went to Hankou and came back. A colleague asked him how Hankou was.He said, "Very good, nothing." When the conversation was over, the colleague had to nod and walk away.He wanted to know a little about the real situation in Hankou, but he got nothing; apart from being disappointed, he felt that people looked down on him.But it's a different matter if women talk less; because women are generally shyer than men, and when they are shy, they can't say anything.Besides, the traditional oppression is too powerful; you think men are easy to talk, but you are not a good man, and women are easy to talk! (Wang Xifeng can be said to be able to talk, but she is not considered a good woman in the TV series) But——if there are women who can talk now, especially women who can overwhelm men, there must be many compliments; The civilization of China has been replaced by the civilization of Dongfang Jing. Although "reticence" is sometimes useful, it is not as valuable as "communication".

Speaking of "communication flourishes", it is also a compliment in the tradition.But it's just beauty, not virtue; if it's based on virtue, it's probably not so important.Nowadays, people still regard beauty as talent, but they value it more. "Discussion flourishes" is not just good eloquence; it must have material, insight, and wit to be successful--eloquence is not just wit, it is not enough.This is not easy to do; all we ordinary people can do is to say a few more words in ordinary situations, and not to neglect the scene too much. ——Many people like to talk when they are angry after drinking, but that is often fallacious.There are also two ways to speak, one is guerrilla style, the other is encirclement style.Once I went back to see two gentlemen who had just returned from Europe, and they both talked a lot.Mr. A chooses topics from the speeches of the guests, and after a few words on each topic, he leads to other topics.I thought it was interesting at the time, but I couldn't think of anything afterwards.Mr. B also chooses topics from the words of the guests, but he sticks to one topic and only talks about the situation in Europe.He didn't need any wit, but he said it very practically, so that the guests felt that they had gained something and left.His hospitality, the guests expressed their gratitude verbally and in their hearts.

The guerrilla style is probably used in ordinary speech; the encirclement organization is the most difficult, and many people are unable and unwilling to try it.Besides, the guerrilla style can be sent or received. If you like to listen, you can talk more, and if you don’t like to listen, you can talk less;If it is just Franz's complaints like "dumb wives", in fact there are probably no such things.There are those who are like old ladies, who say a word repeatedly, regardless of whether people have calluses in their ears or not.This level is the most difficult. You have to remember which words were said in front of which people, so as not to say too much.Sometimes the most embarrassing thing is that when you start, people politely ask, "Oh, what happened later?" Enveloping is much more troublesome.The most troublesome thing is that when there are many people, the conversation is half-baked, everyone is whispering their own private things, or taking a nap, or looking around, Qing Qiao taps his fingers to think of something else, or barely sleeps. Get up and deal with you.At this time, you dominate the audience by yourself. It is too boring to talk about it. If you don’t talk about it, you can’t stop it.Probably this kind of conversation, the more people there are, the less suitable it is for a long time; everyone has different tastes, so we must not always listen to you-changing the topic and talking about it.Don't speak too slowly, too slow will make it look long.I once heard two famous talkers tell a story, probably because of arousing attention, I added a lot of particle words, and told the story slowly. It took more than ten minutes, and it was over; Secretly anxious.The sound should not be too flat, it will be monotonous; but it must not be artificial at all.This kind of speech should only be narrated or explained, and should not be mixed with teaching or persuasion.Those who are good at speech are often inseparable from these two smells.A friend said that Mr. X's eloquence is too good to teach people to be wary, and that's what he meant.Therefore, enveloping speech requires genius, and we ordinary people can only learn guerrilla speech, at most on a large scale. ——Under ordinary circumstances, as long as we don't "be speechless with an awl" like the couple of Lin Zhixiao's family, that's fine.

(Originally published in No. 91 of "Ta Kung Pao Literary Supplement" in Tianjin on August 8, 1934.)