Chapter 88 Hate

Hate All my life I have been afraid of seeing dry laughter and hearing perfunctory words; I am even more afraid of cold faces and cold words. When I see or hear it, my heart will tremble.As for the cruel smirk and strong teasing, it almost made my whole body jerk like a spasm.For seniors who are accustomed to seeing, listening to, and seasoned, these are all "routine meals" and there is no need to make a fuss about them; Love and peace, so it can't help being a little perverted.Ordinary people can pass by casually, but unfortunately I can't; so a lot of troubles have been added, and a lot of "life force" has been reduced. ——This is really the so-called "self-inflicted crime"!

I walked near the North Railway Station the month before last.There was a man lying on the road: his body was slightly bent sideways.His face was covered by a torn reed, so he couldn't see it; he was wearing a black cloth jacket, with a greasy light blue lining showing irregularly here and there, and the white twill-striped single hakama had long since turned gray due to the dust and filth; The feet are bare, the soles of the feet are covered with mud, and the surface of the feet is full of dirt, but the skin is crepe with fine lines like a net, which is reflected in the sun, shining brightly.It was evidently the corpse of a laborer.The death of an irrelevant person is a very ordinary thing; let alone an irrelevant and irrelevant laborer?So although there were more than ten people watching, they all opened their eyes curiously, and the muscles on their faces were calm and relaxed.I was silenced by the indifference around me; but because of my old temper, I finally thought vaguely: His life is over; but what was it worth to him?His death, natural, unnatural?How many people like him in Shanghai do you know?How many people die like him in a day?How about pushing it to the whole world? ... This inevitably caused me to worry about the fate of mankind!But my thoughts suddenly turned, why are those idlers so indifferent to the death of this companion?If it was their brother, friend, or acquaintance who died, they would weep and gnash their teeth, or at least be terrified; this ignorant person has nothing to do with them, so they are indifferent?However, it really has nothing to do with gains and losses? "Calling the Son of Heaven to scream" can still "tear off a strand of nerve in me". Does the tragic death of a companion really have nothing to do with gain or loss?Wouldn't it be too lonely and too narrow for a person to live in this world, if only a very few so-called people who are related to gain and loss care about it?In a narrow and lonely world, where can there be a kind life!well!I don't want to think about it any further!

This is the "indifference" that pervades the world.I have a classmate in middle school.He graduated from high school; this year happened to work with me.We haven't seen each other for four or five years, and we haven't corresponded. I was very happy when we met, and told him about the situation after the farewell; we called him by the same number as when we were in middle school.He just listened with the same smile.After listening, he still supported that smile, and only explained in very simple words what happened after he graduated from middle school, and called me "Mr." a few times.I didn't pay attention to it at first, but when I suddenly saw that dry smile, I felt a little timid in my heart; then there were a few words squeezed out by the machine and "Mr. My longing has long been frozen in my heart!But in the end Guyong said this sentence: "Please don't call me that; we are classmates in the same class!" But he smiled and ignored it, and only answered vaguely once; another "Mr." had already come from his mouth again Sent!I couldn't speak anymore, I just curled up in the chair and looked at him.He felt a little strange, got up, bowed, and said goodbye.I nodded and let him go.At this time, shame filled my heart; what in the world is on me that makes people abandon me like a bag?

About two weeks ago, I took a tram from the main road to the station.On the way, a burly and magnificent Huazhu came up.He leaned straight on the turning machine (?) in the middle of the tram with his hands behind his back.Wearing a blue cloth uniform, a red-tasseled straw hat, blue leggings, and heavy black leather shoes: all the same as his other companions.There was also his thick black shield-shaped face, in which his own characteristics were expressed.On that face, the mouth is pursed, the eyes are looking straight ahead, the muscles are as cold as the earth after heavy frost; everything is so serious, I almost doubt that it is a black stone statue!After he got into the car, I looked at him for a long time, but I couldn't see any tremors on his face; I suddenly felt a sense of oppression, as if someone had tied me tightly with a thick quilt from head to toe, and my breathing was difficult. Gradually the pressure became low.The tram stopped at that time; when it started again, a poor woman hurried from behind the tram.Yi has a tattered old muddy-colored bamboo gown and hakama; when he runs, he just struggles forward with his two little feet, and his fluffy yellow hair flutters vertically and horizontally; Eyeballs eagerly, lips kept opening and closing—naturally, she was panting.Yi probably has something urgent to do and wants to take the train.Coming too late, he grabbed the iron pillar on the car.It had been slipped from Yi's hand by him again; so Yi could only stagger back!At this time, the Chinese arrester suddenly surprised me, and smiled impressively; he looked at the clumsy Yi, and exclaimed: "Oh-ha!" On his cheeks and around his eyes, the frosty muscles began to show their symmetry. Wrinkles; the eyes are thin and moist, not as dull as before; the mouth is split open, revealing two shining gold teeth and one white tooth; his body posture seems to have changed a little because of this.Although his smile temporarily liberated me from indifference; but in an instant, the feeling of emptiness made me almost be crushed by the atmosphere of identity!Because from that smiling face and voice, I sharply feel all the pride, cunning, insult, and cruelty; as long as there is a "heart of love" and "light of peace", whoever's nerves can't be convulsed like a spasm moving?

This is the "contempt" that permeates the world.In the spring of this year, I overestimated my abilities and went to be the dean of a certain school.Most of my colleagues are my acquaintances, but I am almost a complete stranger to them; I have experienced indifference and underestimation, and feel inexplicably lonely!The first difficulty at that time was to draw up the daily schedule.Because of the complicated relationship between teachers and students, the principal handed over thirty conditions. I, who lack experience and simple mind, am really at a loss!After working hard for five or six days, I finally made it together.However, there was a highly respected gentleman who taught part-time in another school. Because the first class in the afternoon was connected with the fourth class before noon in another school for a few days, the distance between the two schools was too far, and he had to go home for dinner. Very dissatisfied.I don't know about his part-time class, and Mr. Principal's requirements are not included; it seems "excusable" that he can't take care of it in the class schedule.But this gentleman has always had a frosty face and a rainbow of anger; there is probably no word "forgiveness" in his dictionary, so the letter of challenge came, saying, "It is hard to eat, and there is no car; I also hope to tell you!"I suffered from this unexpected, indiscriminate, cruel sarcasm at that time, and it was extremely uncomfortable; it was full of injustices, there was no complaint office, and I did not offend him in any way, but why did he treat me like an enemy?I wrote a letter back to him, explaining myself a little, and expressing my great regret for his attitude: I said that if he blamed him improperly, I should ignore this matter, but because of the responsibility to the school, I finally gave him managed.After receiving the letter, he "appealed" to Mr. Principal.Mr. Principal asked me to confront him.A sly vengeful smile was on his face, just like the grotesque colors of poisonous fungi.He tried his best to speak slowly and low-key: "Why do you say 'it should be ignored'? Is the school schedule 'imperial'?——If you talk about attitude, what should you do? Maybe you should use 'petition'?" Every word here is like a sharp sword, slowly but deeply piercing into my heart! ——He was completely victorious, with a happy smile on his face, and looked contemptuously at me who was silent. I couldn't support it any more, so I immediately resigned and went back.

This is the "hostility" that permeates the world. (Originally published in "Current Affairs Xinbao Xuedeng Supplement" on November 4, 1921, continued on November 9)