Chapter 40 Comments on "Mengjia Poetry Collection"

Comments on "Mengjia Poetry Collection" Mr. Dreamer: I was reading your poems today, and I was very happy when I suddenly received your letter. This time I read your collection of poems and "Poetry Journal" on the boat, and I deeply feel that the development of new poetry is very promising, which is far beyond what our advocates of new poetry could have expected 13 or 14 years ago.At the time we firmly believed that this path would work, but we did not dare to expect this path to be reached in a short period of time.Now with your new class of writers joining the effort, I think the maturity of new poetry is approaching.

There are too many typos in your poetry collection, I hope you can proofread it yourself, print a list of errors, and attach it to the printed copy. You want me to criticize your poetry collection, I really want to do it, but I often laugh at myself as "advocating intentions, but unable to implement", so I am willing to appreciate the achievements of my friends, and I am not worthy of the work of criticism.It is very inappropriate to criticize others for not fighting well after becoming a deserter. I like the second section of "A Wild Flower" the most, and Yiduo also loves these four lines very much.The artistic conception and style of these quatrains are first-rate.If you work hard in this direction, strive for a brilliant artistic conception, and an unconventional style of work, you will definitely have excellent results.

Among the short poems, such as "Song of Myself", "Hesitation", "You Don't Matter", "That Night", "Morning of Dew", "Confidence", "Horse", and "Goose", they are all very good. lovely poem.In terms of style, "Confidence" is the best, and "Goose" is also excellent. The third stanza of "The Wild Goose" is a bit obscure, but the last stanza can be deleted.In the sixth line of this poem, "Poetry Magazine" printed "that piece of cloud" as "that cloud", the difference of one word...don't let it go!

Line Six of Faith: Can't remember the year and name Might as well do: Can't make out the age and name. "Funeral Song" is also very gratifying.The birds in the ninth row don't have to sing, and the clear stream stops and doesn't flow. It's better to change the words "Mo" and "No": the birds don't have to sing, and the clear stream stops and doesn't flow. It's all command.Also, the fourteenth line of this poem is too weak and out of proportion, so it seems that it can be modified. In your poem, the grammar of some sentences seems suspicious, such as the fifth line: I suppress the fire in my heart to the ashes, and the galloping delusion blocks a fortress.

Is your intention to suppress the ashes with the fire?Or shall I cover the fire in my heart with ashes?Another example is the fifth line of "The Funeral Song": You have walked every road in the poor world. "Song of My Own", Section 6, Day by day - shoulders These are all foreign grammars, and it is best to avoid them. The last two lines of "Betrayal Oath" are also in foreign grammar. There is one flaw in your poems that I can criticize, that is, sometimes the meaning is not very clear.For example, "Preface to Poems", I read carefully, but I don't understand why this poem is a preface poem?Looking at the sentences in the poem, how can a law given to you by a maple leaf in Qixia be "No exceptions and no change"?Your understanding and fluency make me believe that you are not lacking in the ability to express your ideas, but just occasionally slack, and you have never tried hard to express your ideas.I firmly believe that the meaning and words of poems should be "deep and simple", and the entry should not be too deep, but the exit should not be too shallow.Anything that cannot be explained in a simple way must have never gone deep.

Of your long poems, "Ode to the City" is the most successful.In my humble opinion, this poem is the most successful of the recent long poems. There are good sentences in "Regret and Return", but I think this poem is not as good as "Ode to the City". "Regret and Hui" does not use punctuation, which is a big mistake. Be careful that this is a backward move, although some people may say that it is a fashion.I have nothing to do on board, so I punctuate this poem so that it is slightly readable.But there are many places where my punctuation must not match the original meaning of your poem.How many of your readers do you think are willing to punctuate a hundred-line poem?The result is just that people don't read or misread it.

I said no criticism, and I didn't realize that I wrote more than a thousand words of criticism. Isn't it ridiculous?I will send it to you after I write it. If you have any dissatisfaction, just appeal to Yiduo and Zhimo.If you would like to publish this letter, please send it to "Poetry Magazine" or "New Moon" for publication. If you send me a volume of "Poetry Collection", I can send you my proofreading and punctuation book to see if I have made any mistakes in punctuation. February 9, 1931 The fifth and sixth issues of the third volume of "New Moon" were published on July 10, 1931