Chapter 20 Section 20: Living for Others

Not only that, even if you take the ancient Hebrew concept of women, the woman who never let go of the spindle, never leaves the yarn, who is diligent in housework and never eats idle food.Compared with the modern Chinese women who follow the trend, those women who never let go of the piano, never leave the flowers, wear yellow tights, steamed buns hung with gold ornaments, and stand in the hall of the Chinese YMCA, scratching their heads and singing in front of the messy crowd : If you compare these two concepts of femininity, then you will know how quickly and how far away modern China is from real civilization.Because women in a nation are the flower of civilization of that nation, the national flower of that civilized country.

Now, let's go back to the original question: what exactly is the concept of women in China?My answer is that it is essentially the same as the ancient Hebrew concept of femininity I mentioned above, but with one important difference.What they have in common is that neither conception of femininity is just an idol hanging in the house, nor is it an object that men embrace and worship all day long.The Chinese concept of femininity is a woman with a broom in hand to sweep and keep the house clean.In fact, the Chinese character for "women" originally consisted of two parts, a "female" and a "broom".The ancient Chinese referred to women as the master of a fixed house - the master of the kitchen (主中饭). There is no doubt that this true concept of femininity--the concept of femininity in the hearts of all people who have a real and not flashy civilization, no matter Whether it is the Hebrews, or the ancient Greeks and Romans, they are essentially the same as the Chinese concept of women: that is, the real concept of women is always Hausfrau, a housewife, and a housekeeper.

Next, let's go into more detail.Handed down from ancient times, the Chinese concept of women has always been summarized in the "Three Obediences" and "Four Virtues".So what are the "four virtues"?They are: the first is "female virtue", the second is "female speech", the third is "female appearance", and the last is "female worker". "Nvvirtue" means that women do not require special intelligence, but they must be humble, shy, courteous and cheerful, pure and faithful, neat and clean, and have irreproachable conduct and perfect behavior; "Nvyan" means It means that a woman is not required to have eloquence or brilliant speech, but she must carefully consider her words, not use rude language, and know when to speak and when to shut up; "womanly" means not It is necessary to require too beautiful or too beautiful appearance, but it must be tidy and well-dressed, and no one can point at the back; finally, "female worker" means that women are not required to have any special skills, only they are required to be diligent And concentrate on weaving, don't waste time on laughing.To get things done in the kitchen, tidy up the kitchen and prepare the food.This is especially true when there are guests at home.These are the four basic requirements for women's words and deeds written by Cao Dajia or Ms. Cao, the sister of Ban Gu, a great historian of the Han Dynasty, in "The Commandments for Women". (z-48)

So what are the "three obediences" in Chinese women's morality?The so-called "three obediences" actually refer to three kinds of selfless sacrifices or "living for others".That is to say, when she is unmarried, she must live for her father (at home from her father), when she is married, she must live for her husband (married to her husband), and when she becomes a widow, she must live for her children ( Husband dies and obeys son).In fact, in China, a woman's main purpose in life is not to live for herself or for society; Do good to the world; in China, a woman's main purpose in life is to be a good daughter, a good wife and a good mother.A foreign wife of my friend once wrote to me and asked me, do the Chinese really believe that women have no souls, just like Muslims?I wrote back and told her that we Chinese don't think women have souls, we just think a woman -- a real Chinese woman -- has no self.Talking about this "selflessness" of Chinese women makes me have to say a few more words on a very difficult problem-not only is this problem difficult, I am afraid I want to make those who have received a modern European education understand that it is almost Impossible, this is the concubinage system in China.I fear that not only is the concubinage issue difficult to discuss, but it is dangerous to discuss it in public.But, as an English poem puts it: "Fools rush where angels fear." Here I will do my best to explain why concubinage in China is not a problem, as it is often imagined. immoral customs.The first thing I want to say about this issue of concubinage is that it is the selflessness of Chinese women that makes concubinage not only possible but not immoral in China.Before elaborating further, let me clarify that in China, taking concubines does not mean having many wives.According to Chinese law, a man can only marry one wife, but he can have as many concubines or maidservants as he likes.In Japan, a maid or concubine is called "te-kaki" (a hand rest), "mc-kaki" (an eye rest), -- that is, when you are tired, the hand has something to touch, Eyes have something to pin on.I said that in China, the ideal woman does not require a man to embrace her and worship her all his life, but she herself wants to live purely and selflessly for her husband.Therefore, when her husband is sick or overworked, physically and mentally exhausted, and needs a hand and an eye to restore his health to adapt to life and work, the "selfless" wife will give him all these.This is like in Europe and the United States, a good wife hands her husband a chair or a glass of goat's milk when he is sick or in urgent need.In fact, in China, it is the wife's selflessness, her sense of responsibility, and her spirit of self-sacrifice that allow men to have maids or concubines.And yet people will say to me: why just ask women to be selfless and self-sacrificing?Why don't men?In this regard, my answer is that it is not that men are not required to do this.In China, those husbands who work hard to support their families, especially when he is a master, he must not only fulfill his duty to his family, but also to his king and country, and even to the king and country In the process of service, life is sometimes sacrificed: isn't this also a sacrifice?Emperor Kangxi said in his will that he lay on his hospital bed before his death that he did not know until his deathbed what a great sacrifice it was to be an emperor in China. (s-11) Let me pass here by the way that this Kangxi Emperor, Mr. Bland and Mr. Backhouse, in their recent publications, portrays him as a large, lonely and disgusting " whore", and thought that he was finally buried in the hands of a large number of wives and children.It is, of course, inconceivable that to contemporaries such as Bland and Backhouse, concubinage was not regarded as something sordid and repulsive.For what else can the morbid imagination of such a man expect but vile, nasty, repulsive things?Of course this is off topic.Now I want to talk about the life of every real Chinese--from the emperor down to the rickshaw puller and the kitchen helper--and every real woman, who actually lived a life of sacrifice.In China, a woman's sacrifice is to live unselfishly for the man she calls her husband; a man's sacrifice is to provide for and secure his wife, the women he brings home with the all overhead.Indeed, I often say to those who love to talk about the immorality of concubines in China: In my opinion, those high-ranking officials and nobles in China who have groups of concubines are better than those Europeans with motorcycles who pick up a concubine from the road. It is less selfish and immoral for a helpless woman to entertain her all night and then abandon her on the road again in the early morning of the next day.The Chinese official who took concubines might be selfish, but at least he provided housing and assumed the responsibility for the subsistence of the wives he had.In fact, if Chinese officials are selfish, then I would say those motorcycle-equipped Europeans are not only selfish, but cowards.Ruskin said: "The honor of a real soldier is undoubtedly not how many enemies he has killed, but his willingness and readiness to dedicate himself at any time." In the same way, I said, the honor of a woman-in China, a real A woman should not only love and be faithful to her husband, but also live absolutely selflessly for her husband.In fact, this kind of "non-self teaching" is the way of Chinese women, especially ladies or good wives.This is just like the "loyalty teaching" that I have tried to explain elsewhere, that is, the way of a man-the way of a gentleman in China.Foreigners can understand real Chinese men or real Chinese women only if they understand these two "Tao" or "Teachings", the "loyalty teaching" and "selfless teaching" of the Chinese people. (z-46) However, people will ask me: "How about love? Can a man who loves his wife have the heart to love other women next to his wife in the same room?" To this, my answer is: Yes The -- why not?Just because a man truly loves his wife doesn't mean he should spend his life at her feet and flatter her.The measure of whether a man really loves his wife is whether he can reasonably and conscientiously do things that not only protect her, but also do not hurt her and her feelings.Today, to bring a strange woman into your home is bound to hurt your wife and her feelings.Here, however, I want to point out that it is this kind of what I call "non-self teaching" that protects the wife from harm. Other women may not feel hurt when they come into the house.In other words, in China, it is the woman's selflessness that enables her husband, or allows him, to take a concubine without her feeling hurt.In this regard, please allow me to explain: In China, a gentleman - a real gentleman, would never take a concubine without his wife's permission.A true lady or wife will never dissent from her husband's taking a concubine whenever he has a good reason for it.I know many cases where husbands, after middle age, wanted to take a concubine because they had no children, but finally gave up the idea because their wives disagreed.I have even been told of a husband whose wife was sick and in very poor health, but he did not want to do the sacrifices her wife should have made.When his wife urged him to hurry up and take a concubine, he refused.However, without his knowledge and permission, his wife not only accepted a concubine for him, but also forced him to have intercourse with the concubine.In fact, in China, protecting a wife from the insults of her concubine is the love of a husband for his wife.Therefore, in China, it is not so much that husbands cannot truly love their wives because they take concubines, but rather that they have the right and freedom to take concubines because they love their wives so much, and they are not worried about abusing this privilege and freedom.This privilege, this liberty, is sometimes abused, especially in a China as chaotic as it is today, when men's sense of shame is at its lowest.But even then, I think, the protection for a wife implied by a Chinese man being allowed to take a concubine is still her husband's love for her, a husband's love, and, I might add here, this This kind of love is so decency--that decency with which a true Chinese gentleman has so perfect a measure.I really doubt if there is one average Euro-American in a thousand who can have more than one woman in the same room without turning their home into a cockpit or hell.In short, it is this propriety--that perfect proportion of a true Chinese gentleman--that makes a husband take in and lead a concubine, with one arm and one eye, into the closet without his wife feeling ashamed. Injured situations become possible.In a nutshell,--that selfless teaching, that pure unselfishness of a woman, that lady or wife,--that husband's love for his wife and his decency--that true Chinese The gentleman's perfect grasp of proportion, as I said above, made concubinage not only possible but not immoral in China.Confucius said: "The way of a gentleman is like a couple."