Chapter 22 2000, My Great Four Seasons

my flower spring Now that I think about that spring, it was a bit too low-browed and pleasing to the eye. Everything seemed to have restrained the light and smoothed the edges and corners, including my dog. When I put on new clothes, it didn't treat me as usual. And bark like a thief. But I was very restless. I complained about Xiao A while reading the compositions that won the second new concept award, because when I got the entry form that Xiao A gave me, almost everyone else started to prepare to go to Shanghai. Packed for the finals. I think Sichuan is very spiritual, yes, I really think so.I have always compared this basin to a cornucopia, even though it can almost be called poverty, which is very disrespectful to me.But generally speaking, I am a very peaceful person, just like everything in this spring.I don't expect to be so handsome that I'm almost dumbfounded, I don't expect to have endless banknotes for me to squander, and I don't expect to live in a famous family, so I love this black basin very peacefully and decided not to go to college Stay here peacefully and don't go anywhere.I think I have a self-cherished attachment to Sichuan.

Sichuan has aura, and I know a Xiang Siwei.In "There is a kind of trouble that is inexplicable", she said that when she called in a public phone booth to ask how to participate in the new concept competition, the other party told her that the contestants had arrived, and the official finals would be the next day.She is an unlucky person like me, at least we are equally sad in terms of new concepts.She wrote that "the phone box was not working properly for three days because of this - I really did not vandalize".I smile slightly when I see this.In fact, the saying that everyone knows can also be said like this: "Happy people can have different happiness, and unlucky people can also have the same unlucky."

Later, I saw Xiang Siwei's article on "Sprout", and I thought she was angry. But I am a little luckier than her, because she is already in the third year of high school, and she said how much she wants to enter Peking University.At that time, I was a freshman in high school, and I thought I was very young.I said how much I wanted to enter Fudan University. That spring the catkins in the school flew extraordinarily coquettishly, bit by bit of lonely whiteness, I would think of Li Bihua every day, and I was thinking that there were two more snakes about to move in this basin.Extremely gorgeous, open to fans, the life I want.Even if you fall in love with Fahai like Xiaoqing, and fall in love with the untouchable in fate.

So I started to publicize the new concept that I will participate in the next session. Kinder people told me to cheer up, but don’t pay too much attention to it. Failure is the mother of success.Not so kind people to be honest with me?Then you must come back with an award, if you don't get it, you will laugh to death. I know that each of them focuses on the second half of the sentence, but I still insist on going my own way.I am a person who is easy to compromise and give up easily, so I have to block all my escape routes. After I finally blocked all my escape routes, I stood on the edge of the cliff, and I said to myself that you are now fighting to the death, and you have no choice but to turn back.

That spring, that spring when Liu Xu was alone and lonely, I began to write my "Gemini People in Peach Blossoms". my burning summer I fell into a hysterical state that summer, and it was very scary. A trance-like smell began to spread around me, making my limbs weak, and the poor little head hurt like it was about to split. I used to love summer very much because of my birthday and Children's Day which is gone forever for me.But when I walked down the street with a lot of mathematics materials in my arms, and when I saw those smiling children holding balloons and candies, I said to myself fiercely: You are already old.

The sunshine of that summer was so violent that it almost blinded me.I was looking for shade like a snake avoiding the Dragon Boat Festival. I was unusually lazy that summer.The magazine's reminder notice was put on hold for three whole weeks, and I quit my job at the radio station.My whole person is like scattered sand, I am at peace with the situation, or I can say I go with the flow. I can't write the words I want and it's driving me crazy.Later, I simply threw away the manuscript paper and keyboard, and took out the diary from a long time ago.But after finishing writing, I dare not read my words that are closest to myself, because I am afraid of falling into this kind of life without passion-people are easily moved by what they write.

I said to little A: My fingers are dead, I can't write.Little A's gaze became very wandering. I knew he wanted to say not to force himself, but he was afraid of hurting my courage to fight back.The less kind people started looking at me out of the corners of their eyes and blowing out their nostrils, and I knew it, I knew it. In July when the sun began to weaken but the temperature reached its peak, I began to face the division of arts and sciences. What is adding insult to injury and what is a house leak? Every rainstorm, I keep warm and warm in my heart. I failed my final exams in July, especially in the liberal arts, so I naturally set my sights on the sciences.

But it was a painful decision, because I wanted to be a great writer.When I chose science, I heard the voice of the Chinese Department saying goodbye to me. It was very weak but clear, just like the lonely and painful sound of flowers blooming and withering. I'm a bad decision-maker, really.I always put things off until I have to give an explanation before I start thinking about all the intricacies in front of me.Little A chose liberal arts without hesitation, and his decisiveness made my hesitation stand out.At that time, my fingers, which had been sleeping for a summer, began to wake up gradually, and I thought I could write something again.

The country is unfortunate and the poet is lucky, and it is easy to write a sentence after the vicissitudes of life. I think I need the constant blows of life to fill me with a clear sense of pain and a keen sense of the earth. On that sunny summer day, on that occasional rainstorm and noisy summer day, that scorching summer that was as high-pitched and passionate as a Tibetan folk song, I gave up my long-standing ideal. When I chose science, the fingers of my right hand sharply It hurts to show me. In that bright summer, I started to write my "Left and Right Hands in Seven Days".

my lonely autumn That autumn I seemed to be living alone.I fight with a lot of my friends, even though most of the time it's just me messing around for no reason.But I am as happy as if I want to push myself into a desperate situation. When everyone watched me working hard for a new concept, there was a glint of disdain in their eyes, stabbing me one by one.So I erected my thorns like a hedgehog to defend myself pitifully and persistently. I clearly remember that the sycamore trees in the school dropped their leaves crazily in that autumn, and the ground was covered with their orange corpses.

I also vividly remember the crackling sound under my feet as I turned and stepped on fallen leaves as I said grim goodbye to my friends. Life in science is very still, like a calm lake.I learned to calm down and endure loneliness in it, and at the same time wrote a lot of words.I am writing very seriously, I said that I must enter the final of the new concept, and I will work hard.I will not say "I accidentally won the first prize" like other award winners. I am working very hard for my ideal, even though I know that my hope of becoming a writer in the future is very high. slim. Little A told me not to care too much, but I cared very much.Some friends said that it was scary for me to be stubborn. Those who are not very kind say: Do you look like a trapped animal? It looks a lot like it, even I feel like it. After reading my text, Xiao A said that your text is too cold, please write warmer, otherwise people will be scared when they read it. In fact, you are a very simple child, but you are lonely occasionally. A leaf falling does not mean that the whole forest has fallen. .Try to make yourself happy, no one is against you in this world. I clearly remember that my tears fell down that day. I cried because of the look of others looking down on me, because of others’ distrust of me, because of my disapproval from teachers and schools, because of what my parents and elders say, and more. It is for Little A's support. When a beast is injured, it can run to a cave to hide, and then lick the wound by itself, and persist by itself, but once it is greeted with care, it can't bear it. We must have all seen such stories, must have. In that lonely autumn, when the leaves of the sycamore trees were falling in disorder, I wrote nearly 30,000 words.Including my "Three People", "Script", and others. my psychedelic winter When I put on my beloved hat for the first time in winter and caught my first cold, I got a registered mail of Budding Magazine.I think I'm finally going to Shanghai, to that colorful city that floats like a flower on the sea. For a long time, I felt that everything was psychedelic, because the things I once wanted so much really fell in front of me from the sky, it was a kind of great happiness that people couldn't bear. A few days before I left, I finished my final exam. I was in a state of restlessness and got into the top ten of the whole grade. This is a miracle.And I only found out when I made a long-distance trip home from Shanghai. The silver-white wings of the plane brought my dream to an altitude of 4,000 meters, and I clearly saw myself whizzing past the sky of Shanghai. In Shanghai, I found my friend Yicao from "Under the Banyan Tree". He is surprisingly kind to people, and he is not at all as decadent as his writing.Likewise, he also told me that I was really like a pampered kid, nothing like my words.We smiled at each other, and in the laughter, a few elegant white clouds drifted across the never-dark sky of Shanghai, exuding a cool smell. On the way Yicao took me to Fudan, he told me that Fudan might be closed at night, and we might not be able to get in.After listening to it, I suddenly became in a trance, as if I couldn't grasp anything in a dream.I said in my heart: Fudan, can we really not meet each other, I have already entered the top ten. Later we easily entered the gate of Fudan University, and the guard didn't ask me anything, and even smiled at me, as if I was a student of Fudan University.I am dying of happiness. After walking into Fudan, I opened my eyes and looked around. I almost wanted to stuff everything into my head, turn everything into a very thin, bright negative and put it into my head. I don’t think I will forget. . Later, after I came out, Yicao told me that your eyes were so bright at that time that I didn't dare to talk to you anymore.I smiled happily at him and said thank you. When I took the exam at Nanyang Model High School, I lived in a very clean hotel. It was a wooden loft in old Shanghai. When I went upstairs, I could hear loud and thick footsteps.The roommate with me was Li Fei, we became good friends, and later he won the second prize. There is a beautiful road near the hotel, with beautiful and tall plane trees growing on both sides, and the ground is clean and refreshing.When I have nothing to do, I will walk alone on the road, sometimes with Li Fei. Li Fei is a poet, let's call him that for now.He gave me the feeling of a lonely child, sometimes we are very similar to each other. When the awards were presented on the 21st, I heard my name in the list of first prizes.When countless spotlights shine in front of me, I feel that this winter is an extremely beautiful illusion for me. When I said goodbye to Li Fei, he gave me a collection of poems by his favorite poet Haizi, and on the title page was his preliminary work "I am a Beetle in Spring". On the 22nd, I flew back to my hometown by plane. On the plane, I once again overlooked this city that I am deeply attached to. The bright lights made my face dim. I think I was very happy at the end of 2000.The next day is New Year's Eve, I want to go home quickly.