Chapter 5 I am a sophomore in high school

I am a sophomore in high school.I read a passionate statement like a declaration, which tasted like the end of the world, weak like last words.A minute ago, the teacher said to me that you should read the momentum and read the feeling to cheer everyone up.Now I have created the exact opposite effect, and the teacher's sigh is clearly audible.I know she is disappointed and I don't want to disappoint her, but the result is out of my control.Just like I didn't go to Fudan University just because I wanted to. I am a sophomore in high school.I am neither excited nor sad, my heart is like stagnant water.In fact, this is a great sorrow, a great sorrow

Die at heart.But all the people around me live a very healthy life, smiling with their mouths open all day long, showing a mouthful of white or yellow teeth.Those who can't laugh are also immersed in solving problems, looking very ideal and pursuing.I know that their life is what I take for granted. I know how shameful it is for people without ideals and pursuits. I also know that science students don't have too much thought to do well on the questions.But knowing is just knowing.I know there is a big moon in the sky, but I will never even think about going up there for the rest of my life. The great foot of human beings is destined not to be stepped on by me.

I began to read the manuscript.I'm a sophomore in high school and I'm confused.I looked up at the teacher to see she was also confused.I know I'm confusing her.In her eyes, I should be a good student, positive and assertive.How can such a student be confused?So she was confused. I am really confused.I'm not old enough to be artificial to play deep.Originally, I wanted to study liberal arts, but the fate of my parents is greater than the sky, and I will die in science even if I die.The so-called integrity.Little A has gone to study liberal arts, and her life is very nourishing.Every day is full of vigor and brilliance.And I can only be covered by dust little by little in science, and then assimilated and forgotten.Study how two balls collide every day, and watch the beautiful bubbles of metal thrown into acid.

At noon, I will ask A to tell me the story of the liberal arts class.While watching Xiao A happily say that their test questions were to write the background of the Dream of Red Mansions, I searched for the thin air around me to maintain my breathing.Frankly speaking, I yearn for the free life of liberal arts students. As a science student, my practice is not enough. I haven't learned the ability to do force analysis when I see a flying football. I am a sophomore in high school and I feel very tired.At this time, the teacher's eyes are not only confused, but also tolerant.I know I'm speaking to cheer everyone up.But I'm tired and I'm tired. A good boy shouldn't lie. That's what the teacher said.Primary school teachers.Many people don't take elementary school teachers seriously and call them "teachers". In fact, high school teachers should be called "teachers" because they just teach.I was tired. In my dream, I saw countless equations dangling with my arms and legs, shouting "No solution, no solution".I'm tired, my neck hurts when I look up, and I can't open my eyes when I look at the sky. I'm used to the dim light in the dark, but what I'm used to is a kind of hysterical numbness.Everything is aimed at dragging oneself down, and in the end everyone will die together.I have enough reasons to believe that the college entrance examination is a double-edged sword descended from the gods. It cuts us and hurts the teachers, and the beneficiaries hide in the distance and laugh.But who is the beneficiary?I stand alone in the vast world, and the smart child is carrying a fragile lantern.

I am in the second year of high school, and I found that not every hard work will pay off, but every harvest must have hard work.An unfair irreversible proposition.The few girls in the science class used their perceptual thinking to compete with the rational thinking of the boys, which was both tragic and sad.There was a girl who spent twice as much time and energy as me on physics and got half as good as me.Seeing her slightly red eyes, I feel that the college entrance examination is destined to destroy people. I am a sophomore in high school, and I find that friendship has become very fragile.The glass bottle of friendship is placed high and full of cracks, and it will crumble whenever there is a disturbance.My notebook is often missing, and my reference books appear proudly on other people's desks. The torn title page looks like Qiu Ju, and I can't get an explanation.I say everything unabashedly, declaring to people that I can be malicious too.I live in this world and also in this second year of high school, so I know where people are most vulnerable, and I know how to do it can hurt others the most.Because of the little bit of our conscience that stubbornly resists and refuses to be wiped out.Because we are children our defenses are not yet perfect.We can calculate the opponent's score exactly, and we can stay up all night to do one more question than others.When he sees a pair of boiled eyes in the morning, he will say that last night's game was really exciting.We smiled, tacit understanding with each other.We seem to think that defeating our classmates will lead to Rome, but the fact is that the whole country is full of soldiers, and masters are lurking in unknown distances.We thought we were looking for a lock, but what we were looking for was the lost set of keys.There are no cicadas on the banyan tree by the pond, and dust on the swing by the playground.

I was a sophomore in high school, and we learned to appreciate which college had the prettiest acceptance letter, and then died for the heavy tissue paper.All capital is a bet. Health, hobbies, leisure, friendship, and love are lined up behind me. I don’t hesitate to pay any price. Come on, I can throw everything out.My friend said that Fudan's admission letter is like a marriage certificate, I want to say Fudan, I love you, please marry me. I am a sophomore in high school, in the slightly cooler September.The sun is getting thinner and the temperature is cooling down. It turns out that autumn is here so soon.

Autumn is here, can winter be far behind?In this cool autumn, I stood on the podium and said expressionlessly but emotionally: I am in the second year of high school.I will tell you everything without any haste, maybe everyone will feel better and maybe I will feel better.After I finished speaking, no one applauded, and the breathing around me became very light, long and erratic.Some people's eyes become very bright, some people's eyelashes become wet.The teacher leaned against the door quietly, and I saw her white hair floating in the wind.The wind blows gently, the leaves rustle.I sat in my seat like a good boy.All the sounds recede far away, the world can be so peaceful and beautiful.When the sun shines in, what I see is the light instead of the angle of incidence and angle of reflection.The air smelled fresh, not nitrogen oxygen carbon dioxide.Every classmate is very cute, no one is the first and no one is the thousandth.

Then a bell rang.Then everything goes back to the way it was. The teacher handed out the papers, and we habitually cleaned them up and became numb habitually.When the teacher walked out of the classroom, he turned around and said that the papers should be handed in the day after tomorrow.We're delighted and weird. I am in the second year of high school, in the autumn when the weather is getting cooler. In the cracks of life where nothing seems to have changed but everything has changed.