Chapter 11 Hanoi

Next is Hanoi, I never mentioned Hanoi, I don't know why.Before Vinh Long, it was in Hanoi, six years earlier, where I lived in the house by the small lake that my mother bought.At that time, my mother also had a few boarders, young boys, Vietnamese and Laotians aged twelve or thirteen.One of them, a boy, asked me to go with him to a "little hiding place" one afternoon.I was not afraid, so I followed him to that hiding place.It was by the lake, between two cabins which must have been attached to the villa.I remember that it was like a narrow corridor between two wooden partition walls.Most of the places where virginity is destroyed in the book are in this type of place: dressing rooms and the like.The lake has become the sea, the lingering joy has appeared, manifested by its nature, by its origin, and the child has reached the light-years of knowing that joy and having received that signal, triggered, which is once in the child's body. Appear and never forget.The next day, the young Vietnamese was kicked out by my mother because I thought it was my duty to tell her everything, to be honest with her.Memory is clear.I have been approached, and that seems to be humiliating and disreputable.I am only four years old.He was eleven and a half years old, not yet puberty.His little stick was still soft and limp, and he told me what to do: I held it in my hand.His hand was on mine, and the two of us fondled each other, gradually increasing our strength.Then he stopped.I will never forget the shape and the warm feeling in my hand.And the child closed his eyes, and turned his face to the unattainable joy, the martyr of pain, he had expected.

①My mother was a primary school teacher and primary school principal in Hanoi. I never told my mother about it again.She thought I had forgotten it all my life, and she once said to me, "Don't think about it, never, ever." I've been thinking about it for a long time, just Like thinking of a terrible thing.It was a long time after that before I told it to some men in France, but I know my mother never forgot such games with children. The scene itself has changed places.In fact, it grew up at the same time as me, and has never been alienated from me.