Chapter 8 alcoholism

For the last few summers I've lived alone in Knopfler, drinking heavily.No one came until the weekend.I live alone in a big house for a week, and drinking has its meaning in such a situation.Drinking makes loneliness sound, and it ends up being nothing but alcoholism.Drinking doesn't necessarily mean wanting to die, no.But it's impossible to drink without thinking about suicide.To live on alcohol is to live with death at hand.When binge drinking, suicide is also prevented, because with such an idea, people will not be able to drink after death.At first, I drank on festive occasions, first with a few glasses of wine and later with whiskey.Then, at the age of forty-one, I met a man who was indeed a drinker, who drank every day, in moderation.Soon I passed him.This continued for ten years.Have been drinking until liver cirrhosis, vomiting blood.I stopped drinking for ten years.This is the first time.Then I started drinking again, and then I stopped drinking, and I don't know why.Later, I stopped smoking, but when I started drinking again, I started to smoke again.So for the third time I stopped drinking.I have never smoked opiates, nor have I taken marijuana.I used to "take" aspirin preparations every day for fifteen years, and I never used narcotics.At first I drank whiskey, and cider, which I call bland liquor, and beer, and Werray Verbena—which is said to be especially bad for the liver.I ended up drinking wine and it never stopped.

As soon as the wine was drunk, I became a drunkard woman.I drank on and on like an alcoholic.I drank so much that I left everyone behind.I drank it at night, then at noon, then in the morning, and then at night.Drink it every night, then every two hours thereafter.I have never used other narcotics.I knew early on that if I leveled up heroically, it would be fast.I always drink with a couple of guys.Alcohol has always been closely associated with sexual violence, it makes it brilliant, so it will not dissolve and dissipate.But it's spiritual.The realization of that pleasure, wine can replace it, but it cannot replace it.People who are sexually obsessed are generally not alcoholics.Alcoholics, even at "sewage level," are still intellectuals.The proletariat is now a more intellectual class than the bourgeoisie, and it is also prone to alcoholism, all over the world.Manual labor is undoubtedly the kind of work done by men, which makes men directly appeal to thinking, and is therefore also prone to drinking.Just look at the history of ideas to see that alcohol makes people talk.This is where the so-called spirituality, even to the point of logical insanity, is where reason tries to understand why society is the way it is, why "injustice reigns" all the way to the point where it drives people crazy - reason has always been Ended with the same disappointment.A drunk is sometimes rude, but rarely obscene.He sometimes gets angry and kills people.When he drinks too much, he may return to the beginning of the vicious circle of life.Someone speaks of happiness and says it is impossible, but he knows what the word means.

People lack a God.When people are young, once they find out that it is a void, there is nothing they can do about it, because it is nothing at all.Drunkenness is then used to bear the void of the world, the balance of the planets, their immovable motions in space, and, for you, that silent indifference proper to the site of the painful struggle.A man who drinks is interplanetary.He moves in interplanetary space.He is there.Alcohol cannot provide any consolation, it cannot enrich the individual psychological space, it can only replace the absence of God.It cannot comfort.On the contrary, wine strengthens man in his madness, it transports him to the supreme realm, where he becomes the master of his destiny.The most fundamental and important point of the function of wine for people is to create illusions, in which the existence of any person, any woman, any poem, any music, any literature, or any painting cannot replace wine.Wine takes the place of creation here.This is how wine works on those who believe in God and those who do not.Wine is barren.The words spoken by people in the night of intoxication, when the day comes, they disappear with the night.Intoxication creates nothing, intoxication in words does not work, it darkens the intellect, it puts the mind to sleep.I speak while drunk.The illusion is complete: what you say, no one else says.Alcoholism doesn't create anything lingering.It was a breeze.like words.I have written while drunk, and I have the ability to make intoxication respectful and not make me feel terrible about alcoholism.I never get drunk.I never drink fast.I drank from time to time, until I was drunk and intoxicated.I withdraw from the world, out of reach, but not drunk.

A woman drinking is like an animal, a child drinking.Alcoholism was outraged and scandalous because it was a woman: a woman who drank was rare and serious.It is tantamount to offending the sanctity.I've seen this outrage all around me.In order to show the strength to confront openly, for example, go to a bar alone at night, I often have to do this after drinking. It's never too late, too late to tell anyone you've had too much to drink. "You drink too much".It is far-fetched and unpleasant to say no matter what the occasion is.Who the drunkard was, he himself had no idea.A hundred percent of the time, people take it as an offense when they hear it, and say, "You tell me that, and you're upset with me." As for me, say that to me, but I've already The disease is incurable.Here, we are all in a space where we are not allowed to move at all.People have allowed so many people to die that this is the case.I believe there is no such public outrage about taking narcotics.Drugs completely separate the individual who takes them from humanity.Drugs do not throw a man out into the street, nor make a homeless man with nowhere to live.Alcoholism, that's on the street, in the asylums, and many other alcoholics.Take drugs, for a short time, die soon, suffer from aphasia, make no sound, close the doors and windows, and freeze there.Without drinking, there is no solace.Since I stopped drinking, I've always had empathy for the alcohol I used to have.I did drink a lot.Then they came to help me, and then I told my story, and I kept my mouth shut about the drinking.It's very simple, so simple that it's unbelievable. People who really drink alcohol are undoubtedly the most innocent people.In such a situation, pretending to be in pain is pain.Homeless people are not unfortunate, and it would be silly to say that, because they are drunk 24 hours a day.They lead a life in which there is nowhere else to live but the streets. In the winter of 1986-1987, they would rather face the danger of death and severe cold than to receive a liter of red wine distributed overnight by the shelter.Everyone is studying why they don't want to go to the asylum, and that's the reason.

The hardest part is not the hours at night.If you suffer from intractable insomnia, it is obviously the most dangerous.There should be no drop in the house.There is a class of alcoholics who start with just a glass of wine, and I belong to that class.I don't know what hat the doctor put on me. It's like a power plant in operation, the body of an alcoholic, as if the different parts are all joined together to form a whole.The brain comes first, which is the mind.First in the mind, second in the body, which he thought was happiness.Because there is income, so it penetrates and absorbs bit by bit, so it is on the road—this is the word: on the road.As time goes by, there will be a choice: until ignorance and unconsciousness, the main body is lost, or stay in the state of the first hint of happiness.Every day, it can be said to be dead, or it can be said to be alive but not dead.