Chapter 34 Relive the sadness

Every time I collect my own novels, there will be a review of myself, and I will choose from the beginning to the end. Therefore, I followed my own novels and read myself from the beginning to the end. For a while, I didn't write novels well, and I didn't think about myself well.Inexplicably starting to edit a publication, I can’t help but get busy. That kind of busyness is like filling a sack with sand, filling people up solidly. There are fewer gaps, and some emotions that collide back and forth in very few gaps: Anxiety .nervous.Troubles are also related to being busy.However, when I choose my own collection of novels and browse through the stories about women written many years ago one by one, what comes to my face is a never-ending sadness. Unexplained resentment, although not very deep, is faint, like foggy weather, seeing things is not clear, doing things is not happy, that's all.However, there is really no way to get rid of the shroud of fog, and there is really nothing to do.

Then I closed the novel, and walked out of the layers of sadness, I said to myself: For many years, you have written so many stories about women, why are they so sad? Why? Most of women's sorrows come from men and children, because they are willing to regard men and children as the main content of their lives.It is conceivable how dangerous it is when a person insists on forcing the core and handle of life into the hands of others. Although the "others" are closely related to her, whether they are husbands or children, in the end they are " other people".And no "other" can assure another of his own eternal reliability.Without eternity and reliability, women's sorrows will continue to happen.I don't know if such dependence is an innate attribute of women, or is it cultivated unconsciously?Whether it is innate or later, in short, women do not have the independence of not relying on each other (especially in spirit), and the sad story will continue to be played out.

However, in my future novels, I probably won't take pleasure in writing about women's sorrows.So, what about writing about women?I knew it vaguely, but it was true that he couldn't explain clearly.I only know that I am rarely sad anymore, I only know that I am gradually learning to put hope only on myself, and sometimes, I don't have much hope for myself.But I don't think it's a negative.Really, it's not negativity.