Chapter 32 step on the ruins

I went to chat with a friend, took the No. 71 bus to Meiliyuan, and walked to the three-way intersection at the corner. I suddenly decided to cross Yan'an Road to see my old house.Although I heard that the old houses were going to be demolished and all the old neighbors moved out one by one, I really wanted to see the empty houses and the alleys where no one passed by. The big alley where my family lived was hidden at the end of the bustling Nanjing Road and close to Yan'an Road.But standing on Yan'an Road, who would have thought that just behind the tall buildings on the main road, there is a large area of ​​such simple residential buildings, which are vividly called "urban villages." I came to Shanghai when I was seven years old, and my family came from Tianshan Mountain. The new village has moved into this "urban village" which is close to Nanjing Road but is incompatible with Nanjing Road. It is not an exaggeration to say that it is a village. There are many board houses with black tiles on the roof. There is no kitchen and no sanitation. facilities, there are public toilets nearby, and public running water at the entrance of the alley. When many people eat, the small dining table is placed at the door of the house. The passing pedestrians are watching, but they eat with gusto, just like some villagers like to squat on the big table with their rice bowls. intersection. The life in the "village" is so difficult, so backward and so difficult, but the days that remain in my memory seem to be happy.Until that day, I was leaving Shanghai for the Great Northern Wilderness, and my home in the "village" was full of classmates who came to see me off, from dark to dawn.Just at dawn, I resolutely walked out of the "urban village" and walked towards a wider village.Twenty years in a flash, like a meteor, leaving the previous orbit, trying to find a new orbit in one strange world after another.Searching in that way is unimaginably difficult. Sometimes, after trekking for a long time, rolling over mud pits, climbing over mountains, and stepping through thorny ditches, I think I have walked a long and wide road, and I think I can build a suitable road. Own.protect yourself.No matter how you walk, you don’t need to take too much effort on the track. However, when you look back occasionally, you find that your hard-earned trek is just a circle. It seems that there is a long distance. The original track didn't have an essential distance - that's how I really feel.When I returned to the "urban village" twenty years later, I deeply realized that the basic appearance of my life has been limited by this difficult and backward "village" - it stipulates that I must have Only with indomitable will and perseverance can we obtain some portrayal and shaping of ourselves, and only then can we hope to get out of the distance of life.However, these "characterizations", "shaping" and "distances" are all inseparable from the foundation given to me by this "urban village". This "base" is like the different materials that make up different things, and determines the texture of things.I think, I am materialistic, I am realistic, my soul has no wings, I just tell myself to walk honestly, walk step by step according to the original self, don't dream of flying.Since I came out of the "urban village", I think that no matter where I go, I will never get rid of the tone that the original life injected into the soul.

Perhaps, it was a reminder to myself not to get lost in the dazzling life, so as long as I walked past Jing'an Temple, I would bend into the big alley to see the old houses.But this time, the old house was gone, and all the surrounding brick and plank houses were gone.All I saw was a large area of ​​ruins, broken bricks and tiles all over the floor.I can't find my old house anymore, so I can only feel an approximate orientation.Facing the approximate location, imagining the former house, my heart was ups and downs, and many memories of the past emerged.All the memories are hard and happy scenes.Suddenly, a sad mood enveloped me, and my eyes were wet.I don't know why I'm sad, I don't know why there are tears in my eyes, a new house is going to be built, who doesn't rejoice, this is a long-awaited wish?I can't explain myself.So, hurriedly stepped on the broken bricks and tiles and left the ruins.

In the chats with my friends, I didn't mention the old house that has become ruins. I just talked about some unreasonable and constant trifles around me. It seems that there are too many troubles and distresses: emotional ones.writing.Son's, all kinds.As we talked, I secretly asked myself: Why bother why?It should be said that the current me, no matter what, is much richer than that little girl who lives in an "urban village". At least, I have a house with complete equipment, gas, water heater, and washing machine, and my life is comfortable. Convenience, but still distress and trouble.In the past, there was nothing, and everything in life was difficult, but all that existed in memory was happiness.Why?I didn't have time to think about it.Just keep talking about this distress and that trouble.Of course, no results can be discussed, and no one can solve anyone's problems.Leaving my friend's office, my friend said to me: "I'm sorry, I can't comfort you." I said, just to talk, and someone to talk to is comfort.But when I walked out of the office, I really felt much more relaxed. After all, I had said a lot. Talking like running water can always take away some emotions in my heart. I walked out of the alley and walked to the station by the road, but I didn’t stop at the station and turned around suddenly. , very impulsively and stubbornly want to see the old house that has become ruins again.I said to myself: Don't take a second look at the ruins, and soon there will be no ruins, and there will be brand new but completely unfamiliar high-rise buildings in their place.But new and strange have no real connection with me.And human feelings exist in deep and shallow connections.And cutting off a connection with fate and life, even if it is to overthrow some old houses that should have been overthrown, my heart is still touched and I am still faintly sad.

Stepping on the ruins again, it is dusk.I carefully stepped on every broken brick and tile under my feet, as if I was still stubbornly looking for a brick and a tile that belonged to the old house.I know that it is impossible to distinguish and find, and there is no need to distinguish or find.Even if high-rise buildings are erected here one day, I believe that my memory of the past will not be ruins or high-rise buildings.And those hard and happy scenes, together with those simple and crowded old houses, will remain in my heart forever.In any case, these difficult years without distress and trouble are a long-established foundation. My life started from here, and my life trajectory started from here. Mood to walk back here.Of course, the "here" in the past and the "here" in the future will overlap and differ in true meaning, because after all, I have completed a circle, after all, I have traveled a long way!