Chapter 27 Pen

I like pens, whether pens or pencils.There are a lot of ballpoint pens hidden in the drawer, with various pen barrels and caps.The year before last, I visited a stationery supermarket in Thailand and saw so many good-looking pens. I was so surprised and delighted that I couldn’t move. I really wanted to buy one of each kind. Of course, this is not Possibly, I couldn’t afford it, but I picked and bought a bunch of them.Every time I organize the drawers, I will arrange these pens one by one on the table for appreciation.Playful. In fact, when I actually write, I don't use these novelty pens, but I just like to use the one that I am used to and which is easy to use.A few years ago, I was used to writing with a dip pen. The pen holder was very cheap, and the nibs cost a few cents. I bought dozens of them and changed them frequently. The rough waste nibs almost filled a small pencil case. .When I moved, I had to get rid of the bottles and jars; Japanese things, but I just didn’t want to throw away those waste pen nibs, because they were always with me, like hoes in the hands of farmers.The shovel makes useful things grow from the white ground.Perhaps, it is because of this feeling that I always want to collect good-looking pens and buy good pens for myself, not because of the need for writing, but just to satisfy a certain mood and psychology.I know that my work in this life is probably inseparable from the pen, and the pen in my hand has gradually become the main content and reason for continuing to live, and I have no choice.For this reason, I changed my habit of writing with dip pens and started using gold pens to make the process of writing a more perfect thing. I also vowed to use all the pens in my collection to make them come alive , sow life on my blank manuscript paper.

However, suddenly one day, I decided to buy a computer.Although, I am not fully prepared for myself to make such a decision. Besides, I have no confidence in using a computer, because I can't even control the switches of the video recorder, how can I control the computer? Woolen cloth?I heard some friends who have already used the computer repeatedly say that they no longer want to write with a pen after using the computer. I find it incredible. Is it too exaggerated?Writing with a pen is, after all, a habit of decades, and in the past two or two years, we have been writing with a pen almost every day!So I decided to buy a computer. Most of the reasons I explained to myself were for my son. He will learn computers after he goes to middle school. Usually, he can also play as a game console.I don't know why such an "interpretation"?I just vaguely feel that my explanation of my decision is a kind of betrayal to those beautiful pens I have collected, as if I am doing something very sorry to my friends.Just after I bought the computer and got it home, I secretly said to myself, stick to walking on two legs, learn to use the computer, and never give up writing with a pen.It's like a guarantee, though, a guarantee to myself.

With such a guarantee, I calmly started to learn how to use a computer.I have a foundation in pinyin, and I can save 30,000 words in the hard disk in a week by typing Shuangpin and Shuangyin. It is very pleasant to operate.One day the computer malfunctioned a bit and I had to stop and wait for a friend to check it out.During the waiting time, I naturally thought of writing with a pen first. I took out the pen and manuscript paper, but never thought that at the moment I held the pen, I only felt that the pen in my hand was very heavy. I can't touch the paper, as if there is a strong resistance preventing the pen from touching the paper. I feel that this resistance comes from my heart: I don't want to write, I don't want to write with a pen.I froze for a long time, carefully experiencing this sudden and unexpected "resistance".I felt a sense of loss, unable to explain myself and the pen that I had been obsessed with for nearly twenty years, was replaced so easily?I feel sorry for my pens.However, that day, I just couldn't write with a pen.Later, when I thought about it more deeply, I admitted that I have been writing tirelessly for decades, and I am really tired. This kind of tiredness is hidden in the subconscious, and there is no space to flood it. I know that I am tired of writing, but I am so tired that I don't want to touch the pen anymore!

But I still like those beautiful pens that are still hidden in the drawer, but I am used to turning on the computer every day and writhing my thoughts in front of this colorful screen.From the pen to the computer, it seems that a process has been completed, but it is still unclear, what does this process mean?